Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


What is the full form of ‘EIDK’?

Think?

.

.

.

.

Try again?

.

.

.

Don’t know? Ok! Give up?

E = Even

I = I

D = Don’t

K = Know!Related

Akpos was having a snack of BREAD and JAM when
an American man, CHUCKLING CHEWING GUM, sits
down
next to him. He ignores the American who,
nevertheless, starts a conversation.
AMERICAN: You African folks eat the whole bread?
AKPOS: (in a bad mood) Of course.
AMERICAN: We don't. In the States, we only eat
what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,
recycle it,
transform them into croissants and export them to
Africa.
The American has a smirk on his face.
Akpos listens in silence. The American persists, "Ya
eat jelly with the bread?
AKPOS: Of Course.
AMERICAN: We don't. In the States, we eat fresh
fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds,
and
leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform
them into jam and export them to Africa.
AKPOS: (pissed off) Do you have sex in America?
AMERICAN: Why of course we do (the American
says with a big smirk).
AKPOS: And what do you do with the condoms once
you've used them?
AMERICAN: We throw them away, of course.
AKPOS: We don't. In Africa, we put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down into
chewing gum and export them to America!
Instantly the American spat out the chewing gum. #Temmyt88


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 14:57:34

684 Views




The sheriff of a small town pulled over the Governor in his Porsche who was driving 85 miles per hour in a 35-mile an hour zone.


The adventurous Governor behind the wheel was steaming mad when he was stopped.


When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, “I can’t believe you stopped me! I am the Governor of this state! This town must be the butthole of the world!”


The magistrate looked at him and replied, “And you must be what’s passing through.”Related





One of the best naija jokes of our time.. check this out…
Charmer:::: Hello Sweet Girl
Sweetgirl:::: Hi Lover Boy!
Charmer:::: Can I know you more please?
Sweetgirl:::: 17, female, sweet lips,

bootylicious n’ delicious, live in Avondale and you?
Charmer:::: Mmmmmh, I am in love already. I’m 52, male, 6 pack, big Chest, live in Avondale.
Sweetgirl:::: You’re 52? OMG! Serious. Same age as my dad?
Charmer:::: I’m just so into fresh young beautiful girls.
Sweetgirl:::: Do you have a wife?
Charmer:::: Yes, but not as sexy as you, I have a daughter, she is in her bedroom with her friend doing homework.
Sweetgirl:::: Then why do you like young girls?
Charmer:::: I love them because they are beautiful not to mention sexy n’ wit fresh bosoms n’ bo0ty
Sweetgirl:::: I am also into older men with iPhones, ipads,

cash and driving expensive cars.
Charmer:::: I can offer all of that and even more.
Sweetgirl:::: I think we shud meet because you are in Avondale and I am also here.
Charmer:::: That would be nice, where do I pick you up tomorrow with my new BMW X6 sexy girl?
Sweetgirl:::: Tomorrow I am going to school it won’t be

possible.
Charmer:::: Or maybe over the weekend, going to school is very important.
Sweetgirl:::: While still chatting letme continue with my homework I don’t want

my dad to know that i have a BlackBerry, he will be mad at

me.
Charmer:::: Which homework is that? may be I can assist you.

Sweetgirl:::: It’s a Biology assignment and my friend Lucy is assisting me.
Charmer:::: Hey, your friend’s name is Lucy?
Sweetgirl:::: Yes.
Charmer:::: Exactly where in Avondale are you?
Sweetgirl:::: House number 5 and you?
Charmer:::: Mercy!!! is that you

Santa: I think I may be a talented photographer.

Banta: What makes you believe so?

Santa: I took just one picture with my camera phone and it asked me if I wanted to open a gallery!Related

Wezzy.bm

Good guy turn bad.. 8

Http://Facebook.com/wezzybmtnsb


*************
I was having a chat with my cousin and I decided to bring up chinwe's matter up and see what he will say. I was thinking the best time, the right words and the best manner to use, and how to arrange it and got my self a deal. We were having chat about guys stuffs you know things like that, we were chatting about school, security, and things of that kind.
Me: una landlord fuck up baa
Chibueze: abi, the man too the drink kai kai and the thing don the affect e brain small small.
Me: hehehehe free madness
Chibueze: the thing tire me oo
Me: guy free that man joor eh guy e get one matter way I wan make we table am, reason the thing.
Chibueze: which matter, Wetin be the matter?
Me: e get one babe way I meet and she say she wan come stay with me for some time. You know na.
Chubueze: stay with you , where ?
Me: here na
Chibueze: here no be where, here how?
Me : I just explain everything now
Chibueze: guy I no dey understand you at all. No be you talk say ma landlord the fuck up.
Me: leave that man joor If e hala just give am one bottle make e take am go relax e mind.. OK the girl the get small issues with e big sister she the suspect say e sis be asha300
Chibueze: Wetin come concern me
Me: e no concern you na me e concern
Chibueze: e don dey concern me na
Me: na you e concern ? No be me e concern
Chibueze : but you wan make e concern me.
Me: aboy understand something, abi na three days e remain make I go back guy do this thing na .
Chibueze: how you take no say the girl no be witch?
Me: witch kwa .. Nna ehh mua no the like your way oo if e be witch make e suck our blood na
Chibueze: our, who be our na your blood e go suck , you know say all this girls this days nobody no Wetin dem carry the waka
Me: this man self ,calm down na the girl make
Chibueze: hmm see eh anything way happen you go be responsible,
Me: Wetin you mean , oh oh so if you go tap am for night na me go be responsible abi, thunder fire you .
I dey suspect say the girl sabi cook
Chibueze: hmm how sure you dey
Me: eh so u wan to eat Wetin witch cook na. Ah no fit guarantee .
Chibueze: wait oh how many days you don stay here and you wan come bring girl?
Me: guy matter way we just die na u wan come bring am back to life
Chibueze: you and who die the matter
*********###
We argued about bringing chinwe to come and stay with us but later all was successful. So I gave chinwe a call , asking her when she will be coming ,she replied "as soon as possible". We really have a good converse on the phone yeah I think we have........

Good guy turn bad 9 stay tune..

Like + share + comment
Like

Tujhe Chahte Hain Be-Inteha Par Chahna Nahi Aata;

Ye Kaisi Mohabbat Hai Ki Humein Kehna Nahi Aata;

Zindagi Mein Aa Jao Hamari Zindagi Ban Kar;

Ki Tere Bin Humein Zinda Rehna Nahi Aata!Related

I got chatting with a girl in a bar, “Can I buy you a drink?” I asked.


“Have you not got a girlfriend?” she replied, “Guys like you always have girlfriends.


“No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago,” I assured her.


“Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine please.”


A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.


While I was putting my clothes back on she said, “So, you’re good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?”


I said, “My wife found out.”Related

question [Read it]


There are 5 birds on a tree, 4 birds decided to fly, how many bird where on the tree..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 21:58:30

399 Views




Some Nigerians can be very funny. I saw
these abbreviations somewhere and it
caught my attention.
Look at them .......
NAIRA - Never Allow Igbos Rule Again
PHCN - Problem Has Changed Name HAUSA - House Animals Using Seat of
Authority
APC - Association of Past Criminals
NYSC - Now Your Struggles Continues
PDP - People Deceiving People
PHD - Pull Him Down MTN - Maintain Total Nonsense
ABACHA - After Babangida Another
Criminal Has Arrived
NEPA - Never Expect Power Always
BUHARI - Brought Unnecessary Hardship
Among Reasonable Individuals.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-19 18:04:28

136 Views




I started counting down and they were still begging me
till it was exactly 5minutes and I threatened to
machete kay…I sampled him with the back of the
cutlass and he thought I already did “oga, na sample b
dat ooo…nxt tym, it wont be the back again..oya go
and bleep her righ now” Kay moved to the bed and I was seeing his deek for
the first time which is not even up to mine, I held on to
the cutlass while instructing mary to also cooperate. I
was looking at both of them on bed unclad with pity
but staring deep inside me…he found it difficult to do
the missionary style as usual in that stage and went in from behind. I brought out my phone at a stage and
started capturing the scene.After I was satisfied with
the pics and video, I left for the door, opened it and
lock it from outside.
I lock both of them in. I went to the other room to
discuss with Biola and gave her update on what was happening, it was around past 11 by that time
Biola: you are a very bad guy…so u av the mind to do
all that?
Me: What else now….atleast the storm in my life is
coming to an end and it was a nice scene to watch,
don’t worry, am sending you the video after our discussion
Biola: Ohk ooooo..but what do you want to do with
them
Me: Well, since its late already, I wont allow any of
them to go home tonight and for my own safety, I cant
afford to let either of them leave the house..the interesting thing is that both of their phone is in the
sitting room and they don’t have access to it
Biola: Ohk………
Me: But my plan is to call my parent and his mum to
be here first thing tomorrow and I will allow them see
both of them first hand after which I will allow them go Biola: Wow….thats a nice idea, atleast it wont be as if
you are lying against her
Me: definitely……………
I concluded the call and tried my mum line but she
didn’t pick, I called my popsy and he picked after 3
attempt. I told him I will love to see them first thing the following morning and it was between life and
death. I know my popsy might not want to take me
serious so I text my mum and sent same msg to his
mum too after calling for so many times and she didn’t
pick.
I went to pick Mary’s phone and started going through them and saw so many alarming things, the initial chat
with kay earlier about their plan to hook up later in the
day as I was out of town.so many s*x chat and unclad
pics of her and so many deek pics of different guy on
her phone. I went to the fridge brought out red wine,
took little and decided to take some to my visitor in their room; I opened the door and threw the drink and
cup inside. I locked them back…….
I waited for sleep to come but it wasn’t coming..i tried
to force myself but all my attempt failed, I watch TV
but I couldn’t help but continue to think of how I found
myself at this stage. At a time, they were pleading and knocking the door but I didn’t do as if I heard them and
everywhere was silent around past two. That didn’t
stop me from peeping through the key hole to check if
they are still indoor.

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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woman of owu [Read it]





SYNOPSIS/PLOT OF “WOMEN OF OWU” BY
FEMI OSOFISAN FOR WAEC/NECO
LITERATURE EXAMS (5
Scene by Scene Summary
Scene 1
The play opens with the sad event of the war
that left the Owu City in complete ruin. Two
women sent to fetch water met with an old man
who asked to know what city it is that lies in
utter ruins, shouldering. The women in response
gave the account of the devastating war and the
brutality the allied forces from Ife,Ijebu and the
mercenary soldiers from Ibadan unleashed on
the city; how they destroyed every male, both
young and old, sparing only the beautiful women
and those of the royal line, to keep as booty,
especially for the generals. They feared for the
old man and advised him to run for dear life
before the soldiers would sight him and waste
him as they did to other men of the city.
They were shocked when they discovered that
the old man is Anlugbua, their ancestral god
who also is one of the founders of the city. The
women at this revelation raised alarmed and
later expressed their disappointment at
Anlugbua’s late coming; for they believed if he
had come, as they expected any god would to
defend his worshipers, the city would had been
spared. But Anlugbua told them that the oath he
took many years ago when he was departing
prevented him from coming to their aid unless
either the priests, chiefs or the diviners invoke
his spirit as instructed.
The women, in describing the gory attack, gave
detailed account of what was responsible for the
people’s plight.Okunade, the Maye led the allied
forces under the pretext of rescuing the
oppressed Owu people from the despot king,
Oba Akinjobi; and for seven years his army
camped around the city after failed attempt to
penetrate and invade it.Okunade, the notable
craftsman had abandoned his trade to train as a
soldier and in the process rose in ranks to
become the Maye, to avenge his favorite wife,
Iyunloye, who was taken captive alongside
others, by the Owu soldier when they invaded
the Apomu Market.
Owu City was built round with very formidable
walls and gate which kept the invaders off.
Unfortunately for the people of the city, there
arose a drought in the third year of the siege,
which brought about untold hardship, hunger,
disease and death among the people. In the face
of these suffering, the people did not relent in
sacrificing to the gods. The famine had been
severe that in the fourth year of the siege, the
city gate having being shut away from the
invaders, they endured till the seventh years
when one day the city woke up to see that their
allied forces had left after seven years of futile
attempts. They did not know that it was a
tactics used to deceive them.
While the city was celebrating the end of the
siege, they were shocked seeing their city set
ablaze. This forced them to axe down the city
gate to escape death. The soldiers who hid in
the forest came out at once and unleashed
terror on the people. Those who attempted to
counter had lesser weapons to fight back as
they had only their cutlasses and incantations as
against the formidable guns the forces acquired
in the course of trading with the Europeans on
the coast of Lagos.
A night prior this attack, Oba Adejobi and some
of his chiefs had escaped from the city through
some of the secret exit routes. In the process,
the sacred places were then desecrated by the
allied armies who killed both men and women
who ran there for refuge.
Anlugbua and the women parted, both to nurse
their pains: Anlugbua to mourn the loss of a
dear city and worshipers; the women the loss of
their beloved ones and the bitter experience of
slavery.
Scene 2
The air is pervaded with the lamentation of the
women as they mourn their losses. The
marauding allied forces had finally turned the
once-flourishing city of Owu Iponle, which they
besieged for seven year, into a ‘relic of history.’
Erelu Afin, the queen of Oba Adejobi, sprawled
on the ground, mourning. Her eyes already have
grown weary of shedding tears but now full of
talk as she counted her losses and the fate that
is yet to befall her.
Other women who are as well victims of the war,
and who seemed to have accepted their fate,
made every attempt to placate her to take
courage since the loss is irreversible. They took
turn to tell her that they were all witnesses of
all the ills that befell her, that the memory of
the horrible death of the princes as well as the
rape of the princesses stuck still to them. They
also reminded her that they too lost things of
greater values to the war.
During the invasion, all the five princes who are
sons of Erelu Afin were slaughtered in the full
glare of other helpless survivors. The same
soldiers also raped the princesses who ‘were
engaged already to be married to kings’.
The women in their sorrow cursed the soldiers
who wrought the terrible acts in their city while
they attempted to go back to their homes. They
made a pronouncement that they would be
afflicted and would not get back to their
motherlands.
While in their lamentation, the women made
reference to The Apomu market which was the
supposed cause of their doom. The market was
notable for its uncommon merchandise and thus
had attracted people from different lands for
trading purposes in prized goods such as gold,
silk, ivory and slaves. This market had been in
contention between the people of Owu Iponle,
the Ifes and the Ijebus. Some years before this
particular war, the Owu forcefully took control of
the market from the Ifes, killing their traders
and attacking the Ijebu traders whom they felt
were threat to them. The Owu soldiers looted the
stalls of the Ijebu traders, killed many of them
and sold others as slaves.
Erelu Afin then observed that the soldiers as
they put out the fire and started packing their
loot with the readiness to embark on their
journey home. So she called the attention of the
women to this. They all realized at this point
that it was pointless to contest their fate as
each of them would be shared out among the
soldier also as booty.
Then the two women who met Anlugbua arrived
with the news. The news of the coming of
Anlugbua, their ancestral father was welcome
with much delight and they immediately braced
up, calling on other women who were hiding to
join them to face the soldiers. To them the
coming of Anlugbua suggested the intervention
of the gods. The women were soon disappointed
when they got the news that Anlugbua himself
conceded to defeat and had returned to heaven
as a helpless victim.
Hearing this disheartening tale, they then
encouraged themselves to be ready for a life in
slavery. So they danced on to the dirge the
chorus raised.
WATCH A BIT OF THE ELECTRIC STAGE
PERFORMANCE HERE

There were three priests in a railroad station, all wanting to go home to Pittsburgh. Behind the ticket counter was a very, very shapely lass, well endowed, gorgeous, amazing woman. The priests were all in embarrassing new territory, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.

The first priest approached the window…

“Young lady,” he began, “I would like three pickets to titsburg.” Whereupon he completely lost his composure and fled.

The second priest approached…

“Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh,” he began, “and I would like the change in nipples and dimes.” He turns red and runs away.

Then came the third…

“Young lady, I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and I would like the change in nickels and dimes. And I must say,” he continued, “if you insist on dressing like that when you get to the pearly gates – St. Finger`s going to shake his peter at you!”Related

CoRrUpTiOn !!! [Read it]


The biggest example of corruption is a wedding
ceremony where people will spray you and your
spouse only 200 naira and still eat rice and chicken
and drink which sums up to over N1500...
The worse is they will wrap broom and packer for you as a Gift.
So I've decided on my wedding day when my
sweetheart and I will be dancing, people won't
spray us directly, they will put the money on a tray
for all eyes to see and at that point, you'll receive
your food as follows: NO MONEY: Pure water and toothpick
N200: White Rice without meat + pure water.
N500: White Rice + head of fish + coke
N1000: Jollof Rice + Meat + a Malt
N2000-N4000: Fried Rice + salad + chicken + a Malt
N5000 and Above: Please Serve Yourself... #No Cheating! #No Begging! #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-24 23:52:02

910 Views




If you have to ask for it, it is not meant for you.

~ JD GhaiRelated

Bad Doctor [Read it]


A girl walks into a doctor's office.
The doctor was awed by her beauty
and all his professionalism goes
right out the window.
He tells her to sit. Then he starts to
rub her thighs. He asked her, "Do
you know what I'm doing?"
She replied, "Yes! You're checking for
abnormalities."
Then he tells her to take of her shirt
and bra, rubs her boobs and asks
her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
She says, "Yes! Checking for cancer."
Then he takes off her panties and
starts having sex with her. Then he
asks again, "Do you know what I'm
doing?"
She said, "Yep! Getting HIV! That's
why I came here."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 14:46:20

815 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Teacher gave an assignment on
drawing to draw any nice picture.
After 5 mins Akpors submited a
blank page.
Teacher: wat did u draw
Akpors : a cow eating grass, sir
Teacher: bt there is no grass
here
Akpos: the cow ate them all
Teacher: now where is the cow?
Akpos: there was no more grass
so the cow left
one word 4 akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-18 20:52:11

249 Views




Dard hi dena tha to mukka

maar dete “Dost”

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Sofe par sui rakhne ki kya zaroorat thi?

/(,”(

/ /,> uiiii…

<

pls guess [Read it]


I visited my Galfreind last friday,
when she went to the bathroom
to shower, her phone rang and i
picked it up and saw C.Ronaldo
calling.I didnt answer ooo. After
dat moment another call came
and it was Fabregas
calling.Hmmm! i was a little bit
nevours but i remained calm.I
said to myself does it mean dis
gal is a celebrity and i dont know
abt it? Dat was not enough,
another call came in with the
name saved Mikel Obi
calling.Something striked my
mind later and i realised he has
intentionally saved the numbers
according to de football players
in relation to how handsome her
boy freinds are so i decided to
dial my numbers too.I dialed my
first number and oh my God,
guess wat.... i saw BALOTELI
calling.Hmmm, i didnt talk ooo
and i dialed my 2nd number too
and i started weeping profusely. I
fainted and was addmitted to
hospital. so wat player's name do
u think made me fainted...??GUESS


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-12 05:50:23

179 Views




Santa(after watching a boxing match): Crap, I am disappointed, it’s over in 2 minutes.

Jeeto: Good, now you know how I feel.Related

Girls vs Cigrette



In Haseeno Se Achhi To Cigrette Hoti Hai,,,,,

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In Haseeno Se Achhi To Cigrette Hoti Hai,,,,,

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Kambakhat Dil To Jalati Hai Par Kam Se Kam

Hothon Se To Lagi Rehti Hai…..Related

For the next two weeks I didn't see much of Grey. I don't know if it was because I was keeping myself busy with work and going out or if it was because he was avoiding me. Bu having Grey out of sight did not deter me from thinking about him.

"So are you and Max still hot and heavy?" I asked wiggling my eyebrows at Reece.

"We are still seeing each other," she replied.

You would think that because I hung out with Aiden so much that I'd see her and Max more often but that wasn't the case. When Aiden and I went out we tended to do it on our own.

"How are things with you and Aiden?" Reece asked. I finished painting the toenail I was busy with before I looked at her.

"There's nothing going on between us," I told her shrug.

Aiden and I were just friends who liked to spend time together. Nowadays we were inseparable. We went out to movies and we went out to eat. Aides even took me paint balling one weekend and I'd returned home with small bruises all over. It had been fun but painful.

Even my migraines had eased off. The last one I had suffered from had been the night of the party when Grey had kissed me and left. It was a relief that I was suffering from less migraines. I wouldn't have to go back to the doctor more any further tests.

Reece gave me a disbelieving look.

"What?" I asked not sure what she was trying to get at.

"You guys spend so much time together you can't be naive enough to think that it is just friendship," she spelt out of me.

I frowned. We'd agreed upfront that we were just going to be friends and that was our agreement. I wasn't ready to date someone when I still had a thing for Grey despite all my attempts to change that. It was like he was so intertwined with my life and no matter how hard I worked there was no way of separating him out of it.

I bit my lip still holding the nail polish bottle in my one hand as I contemplated what she was saying. There was no way. Aiden understood how I still felt about Grey and he knew that for anything to work between us I would have to be over Grey with no residual feelings.

"Aiden knows that I'm not ready for anything at the moment," I explained to her.

"His mind might be aware of that agreement but that doesn't meant the heart doesn't have a mind of it's own. I'm sure he wants more," she told me.

I shrugged.

"I see the way he looks at you, it's the same way Grey looks at you."

"Well that can't be good," I said sounding a little sarcastic. Look at what Grey had done to me.

"I'm serious, I really think he has a thing for you," she tried to explain.

"I like having Aiden as a friend," I stated with a shrug. I enjoyed his company so much I wasn't prepared to risk that for something that might not work.

"Have you seen Grey?" was her next question.

I shook my head as I surveyed my newly painted toenails.

"I've been out a lot and I haven't really been at home to bump into him."

"id he stop trying to call and message you?"

I hadn't seen or heard from him since I'd told him that I wasn't one of his groupies.

"Yes," I answered.

"I'm surprised he gave up that easily," she remarked as she selected a nail polish and opened it. We were both sitting on her bed painting our nails. It was Saturday and we were having a lazy day of doing girly things.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Banta was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Smack! The rooster disappeared under the car and up floated a cloud of feathers.

Shaken, Banta pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.

Banta, somewhat nervously said, “I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him.”

“Suit yourself,” the farmer replied, “you can go join the other chickens that are around the back.”Related

WHO LOVE ME MOST EPISODE 13


It has been more then a week now and amara haven't heard from maxwell, maxwell was trying to avoid amara for some time cause seeing amara with chidi makes him angry.
Amara called maxwell,it was about the third time it rang then maxwell picked up.

Maxwell :hello

Amara :hi,long time

Maxwell :yeah long time,how have you been

Amara :cool,haven't been seeing you around lately

Maxwell :been busy

Amara :too busy to check on me

Maxwell :sorry,

Amara :where are you

Maxwell :home

Amara :can we hang out

Maxwell :you want to hang out with me

Amara :yes

Maxwell :hope your boyfriend won't come around

Amara :he's out of town

Maxwell :well that's why you remember me

Amara:it not like that

Maxwell :i understand, you are in love (both laughed )you want me to come pick you up

Amara :yeah,

Maxwell:am on my way

Amara key am waiting

She huge up

Maxwell came to pick amara at her house,Amara insisted that they go to maxwell house, together they prepared jollof rice and chicken,they eat with a bottle of red wine,they talk about so many things,they spent a little longer there before headed back home,Amara took her phone that she kept on her bag and discovered missed calls on her phone,she open the phone and found that chidi has given her twenty two miss calls,she called back.

Amara :hello

Chidi upset )where are you

Amara :am sorry, i didn't know my phone was ringing, it was on silent.

Chidi :where are you

Amara :am with a friend

Chidi :maxwell right

Amara :is there any problem with that

Chidi :there's a big problem with that,of all places you choose to huge out with him in his house and you wasn't picking my calls, and why will you spend so long in his house.

Amara :am already on my way (she ended the call)

Maxwell :are you okey

Amara:yeah (with a smile )

They arrived at amara house,Amara came down from the car also with maxwell.

Amara :thanks for the meal

Maxwell :i think it's the other way round

They both laughed, they were till on their conversation when chidi arrived,he parked his car and came down.

Maxwell smiling )your man don't seen happy

Amara :i think you should start going, i will call you later

Maxwell :i could love to say hi to him before I leave.

Chidi got to where they are standing,

Maxwell :hi chidi

Chidi angry )say my name one more time and that will be your last

Maxwell :chidi ,oh no i think I just mentioned it again

Just then chidi wanted to hit him but amara quickly hold him back.

Amara shouting )that's enough

Chidi :nice one bro,really nice one

Amara :maxwell please go,please

Maxwell :good bye amara,i will give you a call later

he looked at chidi and smiled again, he walked to his car,entered and drove off. Amara angryly walked inside the house, chidi followed her calling her but she didn't answer, she opened her door and went inside, chidi also followed her in.

Chidi:amara

Amara shouting)what

Chidi :what were you doing at his place, am talking to you

Amara :he is my friend, and i can go to his place and he can come mine,i don't see any thing wrong with that

Chidi :everything is wrong with that

Amara :you should stop monitoring my movement, i hate it

Chidi :even more then I hate that guy.

Amara :why,what has he done

Chidi :i just can't bare to see you around him, he was my raver remember

Amara :and I choose you over him,does that not tell you I love you

Chidi :it not about you,it about him,do you think he has given up on you hell no he hasn't.

Amara :chidi,what are you sacred of,that is will leave you for him

Chidi :that is my worst fear

Amara :i love you chidi and you knows that and I can never leave you for anything.

Amara tried to calm him down, she later succeeded in putting his mind at rest,she took him to her room,and tried to make him happy, in no time chidi and amara were back to normal, they sat down on the bed facing each other.

Chidi :amara you know i love you right (amara nodded )i really do

Chidi then kissed amara who responded back,they continue kissing deeply,they rested on the bed and chidi came on her,amara was breathing heavily, he kissed her neck and began to massage her waist,from her neck he kissed down to her chest, he was about to pull off her clothes.

Amara :stop

Chidi stopped and looked at her

Chidi :why

Amara :am not ready for this

Chidi felt disappointed ,he got up from her and sat back on the bed,Amara sat back too,she places her hand on his back.

Amara :i can't do this with you,not until we get married.

Chidi :are you scared that if I have sex with you i will leave you for another.

Amara :not that

Chidi :then what is it,you don't trust me

Amara :chidi,i love you so much but I can't break the vow i made to God

Chidi :which is

Amara :that no man will see my nakedness except my husband, i can't break it

Chidi surprised )you mean you are till a virgin,(Amara nodded shyly )wow

Chidi couldn't believe what he just heard,he was so amazed

Chidi :why didn't you tell me this, (he held her hands)it's okey,i think I can do with the kissing for now,then when we graduate we are going to have the best wedding ever, (they both laughed )you are amazing, and i am blessed i have you (he kissed her again)

Chidi laid down the bed and amara lay with him resting her head on his chest

Amara :talking about graduation, when are you graduating.

Chidi :i think next year

Amara :can I ask you a question

Chidi :yes

Amara :is it ture that you have been in this school for a long time.

Chidi :who told you that

Amara :no one just heard

Chidi :not really,i have only been in this school for just eight years.

Did he just call eight years just she wondered,she was shocked and surprise to hear that he has spent so long in the school, he was intelligent and hard working, he is not a medical student so what is he till doing in the school.

TO BE CONTINUE

DROP YOUR COMMENTS AND
READ THE NEXT EPISODE

>>

GIRL: i have sinned; i called my boyfriend a bastard.
PASTOR: So wat did he do to deserve dat?
GIRL: He kissed me.
PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor kissed the girl.
GIRL: Yes!
PASTOR: Well, dats no reason to call him a bastard.
GIRL: But he touched my breast.
PASTOR: U mean like this? The pastor touched her breast.
GIRL: Yes!
PASTOR: Thats no reason to call him a bastard.
GIRL: But, he took off my clothes and had sex with me!
PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor took off her clothes and had sex with the girl.
GIRL: Yes
PASTOR: Well, thats also no reason to call him a bastard.
GIRL: Then he told me he has AIDS.
PASTOR: U are a BASTAAAARD!

Don't laugh alone send this to your friends


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-17 15:51:27

1145 Views




May Goddess Lakshmi bestow you with opulence and prosperity;

Lord Ganesha remove every obstacle from your life;

Lord Shiva bestow you with mercy and compassion;

Goddess Parvati give you love and devotion;

Lord Brahma give you wise speech;

And Lord Vishnu give you peace and truth!

Have a blessed and blissful Deepavali!Related

I am an animal and my name is compose of four letters.What is unique about me is that,no one can ever "tame" me in this world.Whom am I?comment below.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-10 22:35:43

694 Views




Ana got into the car, still not sure about Rahul's behavior. She looked at him, but he was driving as if she didn't exist. She wondered if he was angry with her for being late, but he didn't look angry, only confused, causing her to think what might have caused it.

Rahul decided not to look at Ana, as he could not shake the image of water drop slowly gliding on her wet back towards her curvy ass cheeks and escaping into the valley between them. The very thought of her naked curvaceous butt and long smooth legs, pumped his heart and he could feel the rush of blood and pressure between his legs. He started punching the steering wheel to get his mind back on track.

"Are you ok? " Ana asked Rahul.

"Nothing" he murmured, without looking in her direction.

Ana decided to ignore him, took out the file relating to DC business and started going through it. After an hour of driving, she looked at Rahul, "Please take the next exit, I need to use the restroom."

He turned and looked at her in a doubtful way.

"What? If you have any doubt, you can come to the ladies room with me." She said smiling internally.

Rahul took the next exit and found a parking spot close to the rest area. Ana placed the file on the dashboard and removed her seat belt to go to the restroom.

"Please don't place anything on the dashboard!" Rahul warned her, looking at the file on the dash.

"Hmm .." Ana grunted and removed the file and placed it in her bag. She then went to the restroom. Luckily there was no crowd, she was able finish her business soon. She then picked up two coffees from Starbucks and moved towards the parking lot.

Rahul watched her push the exit doors with her leg and come towards him carrying two coffees. Ana knew he was watching her, but he turned his face away as she got close to the car.

"You can't bring those into the car", he warned her, avoiding her eyes.

"You got to be kidding! I promise I won't spill." She looked at him in disbelief.

"No! no food, drinks or any kind of trash in my car. She is my baby." He replied, still avoiding looking into her face.

Ana looked at him seriously, angry at his rules and mad that he was not even looking at her. She went to the closest trash can and dumped both the coffees. She then got into the car, slamming the door.

Rahul didn't say anything, acted he was busy driving and remained aloof rest of the journey.

The meeting with the the Senator went well. The businessman in Rahul woke up finally and he managed the meetings with Senator and her staff perfectly, making sure to charm the Senator and earning her blessing for the project.

Later both of them went to the party being hosted by the local chamber of commerce along with the Senator.

Rahul got busy in the party, selling the project to other politicians and Government authorities and making friends with suppliers. Ana got bored talking to people about politics and business. She looked at Rahul, trying to catch his attention, but he was so busy, he didn't look at her. Added to her fury, he was always surrounded by interns trying to get his attention and touching him inappropriately.

The trip didn't go as per her expectations. She thought of spending some quality time with him, before she loses him to Ria forever. Since morning he had been acting weirdly and didn't make any effort to talk to her. This was turning out to be one of her worst days.

She roamed aimlessly through the party floor. Some men tried to catch her attention, but she turned them down, thinking about Rahul and watching him from a distance doing his selling.

Ana was watching Rahul talking to few young interns, when a waiter approached her with juice cocktails and wine. As she reached out for the juice, the waiter moved and she picked up the wine glass instead. She thought of putting it back, but on second thought decided to go for it.

She rarely took alcohol, being a single parent, she took her responsibility seriously. But today was different. Mandy was taking care of prince and she was really mad at Rahul, so she went for it and liked the warm feeling as the smooth liquid passed through her throat.

She finished the glass quickly and looked for a waiter to pick it up. She then realized Rahul was looking at her. Rahul turned his face away as she caught him looking at her.

"Hmm .... finally " she thought. She decided to test her theory and picked up another glass of wine.

Rahul watched Ana as she moved away from him."She is a big girl,she can take care of herself", he thought, but decided to keep a close eye on her.

Ana was glad that Rahul was paying attention to her, but she was still angry at him, so she downed two more glasses of wine in quick succession. As she reached for her fifth glass of wine, she looked into his eyes, smiling seductively. Rahul shaked his head saying "NO!", but she ignored his warning eyes, licking the wine on her lips seductively. She saw the pain in his eyes and decided to punish him further for treating her weirdly since morning.

She had so much hopes on this trip. It was her only chance to spend some quality time with him alone, but he disappointed her completely.

The thought of loosing Rahul made her sad and angry at the same time. She reached for her next drink, hoping to drown herself in alcohol. Before she could grab the drink, a strong arm grabbed her by waist and she found herself pulled into a hard body.

Before she could lift her eyes and check out the face of the owner of the hard muscular body, she recognized him by his masculine scent. Before she could protest, Rahul steered her towards the exit.

While Rahul was talking to the attendent to get his car, Ana escaped from his grip and started walking towards the highway ramp. Rahul quickly thrust a few notes into the attendant's hand and asked him to bring the car to where Ana was heading.

He moved quickly and pulled her hand, stopping her from proceeding further.

"Ana stop! Where are you going? "

"What do you care? I am .. walking .. home" she mumbled.

"Really! It's 250 miles away. Just get into the car."

"I won't. I don't want to trash your car..your baby .. I .. don't feel .. good. I may throw up." She said sarcastically.

"Its okay, don't worry about it." He pulled her close and hugged her, rubbing her back to make her feel good."

Meanwhile the attendent brought up his Mercedes. Rahul opened the passenger door, holding Ana with one hand and helped her to get into the car and tried to put her seat belt on.

She started giggling as he tried to bring the seat belt around. After putting the seat belt, he turned to look at her. He was so close to her and her scent was overwhelming. Looking at her innocent smiling drunk face, he felt a strong urge to kiss her. He wanted to feel the taste of her lips and tongue and bury his face into her firm breasts.

Ana could feel his need in his eyes. She slowly bent forward and took his face in her hands and brought him close to her face and looking deeply into his eyes, placed a small kiss on his nose.

"I wish things were different between us, but remember, I will be always there for you when you need me."

Rahul slowly moved over to the driver side and started driving towards New York.

Ana kicked off her heels and placed her feet on the dashboard. "Hope you don't mind."

Rahul turned towards her and smiled, shaking his head.

Ana slept for rest of the journey. After four hours Rahul reached the mansion. He stopped the car, came around and opened the passenger door. He spent few minutes watching Ana sleeping peacefully. Instead of waking her up, he removed her seat belt and slowly slid his hands under her waist and legs and lifted her slowly.

Ana felt something warm taking over her body, she put her arms around his neck and made herself comfortable.

Rahul hesitated for a second, his bedroom or her bedroom, then moved ahead with his precious cargo.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Episodes:

Very emotional msg

Gf – I am pregnant
Bf – r u sure ki ye mera hai ?
Gf (crying) – yaar sab log aise bologe to kaise chalega ????????Related

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, ‘Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?


The father, surprised, answers, ‘Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:

In her 20’s, a woman’s are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30’s to 40’s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions’.


‘Onions?’


‘Yes, you see them and they make you cry.’


This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, ‘Mum, how many kinds of ‘willies’ are there?’


The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, ‘Well dear, a man goes through three phases:

In his 20’s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30’s and 40’s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50’s, it is like a Christmas Tree.’


‘A Christmas tree?’


‘Yes – the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.’Related

On a crowded bus, Banta noticed that Santa had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing”, replied Santa.Related

AJC dreams [Read it]


ajc was dreaming hw rich he would b wit gold,diamond etc leta he told his frnd dat he is rich.
Frnd:whr is d money?
Ajc:i will go nd get it in d dream.
Lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-24 07:40:53

143 Views



exams time [Read it]


During the exam, Akpors kept looking under the
table, then he would write on the answer sheet. His
teacher saw him doing that & thought he was
copying. When collecting the paper after the exam..
Teacher: I’m gonna minus 10 marks.
Akpors: Hiiaaa!! Why sir?
Teacher: For copying.
Akpors: How do you know that I was copying?
Teacher: I saw you looking under the table.
Akpors: *laughing* Question 9 said, “STUDY THE
TABLE BELOW “.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 22:14:50

405 Views




Santa, Banta and their wives went out camping one weekend. Santa and Banta slept in one tent while the wives used the other.


At about three in the morning, Santa woke up and yelled, “Wow, unbelievable!”


Which woke Banta.


“What’s going on?” said Banta.


“I’ve got to go to the other tent and find my wife.” said Santa.


“How come?” said Banta.


“To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever had in my life!” said Santa.
After a pause, Banta said, “Do you want me to come with you?”


“Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?” said Santa.
“Because that’s my dick you’re holding.”Related

Forgiveness is the oil of relationships.

~ Josh McDowellRelated

Man to Doctor: Every night my wife goes to a pub and sleeps with anyone who proposes to her!

Dr.: Relax, take a deep breath, calm down & now tell me..

.

.

.

.

.

.

WHICH PUB?:p =DRelated

“you guys should please call the police” Damian’s mother cried on my shoulder while one of the guys in the room left instantly to do her bidding. I also threw a look at my brother who quickly brought out his phone and called detective Jeremiah.

“the police will soon be here, please stop crying. You got to consider your eyes” i begged solemnly.

“let’s go to my room dear, we have a lot to talk” she said softly, pulled away from me, grabbed my hand and led me to her room while my brother stayed behind {with the other men in the room} to keep an eye on Esther and her so called cousin who hid his face with shame.

On getting to the old lady’s room, she prepared two cups of hot tea, offered one to me and drank the second one.
“i’m so deeply ashamed of myself. I’m so sorry for everything. Seriously i have known Esther for such a long time. I never believed she was capable of committing murder in a foreign soil” she apologized softly with tears in her eyes.

“i have nothing against your behaviour towards me. Most women would do the same. So please stop troubling yourself” i begged.

“we are heading back to the states in two days. Hope you are coming with us?” she asked. I breathed deeply and looked down.
Seriously i wasn’t expecting such question because all my focus was on exonerating myself to avoid standing trial in America but things now has changed. I had every reason to go with them, if not for anything else but to participate in my husband’s burial. But i just felt indecisive when she popped up the question. I couldn’t utter a word.

“you have to testify against Esther and her accomplice. They will stand trial in my country, moreover you also have a big role to play in my son’s burial” she pushed softly.

“i know mum, but i do have some unfinished things i have to take care of in Nigeria. I also can’t stand the courtroom. I know how the justice system in your country works. Esther’s defence lawyer will try to tear me apart. I really can’t stand any of it, not after all i have passed through already. My heart is very broken. I need time and space to heal. I believe the tape will be enough to convict her” i answered softly, tears filling my eyes.

“what are you saying?. You mean you are not travelling with us?” the old woman asked curiously. I dropped the tea cup i was holding, drew close and stared at her.

“i just need only three weeks to recover and tidy up myself. I will come over in the fourth week. Please” i begged. She breathed deeply and swallowed hard.

“it’s okay, i understand your position. I will keep the burial things on hold till you join us. But Esther’s trial will commence immediately we arrive the states” she said softly. I unsuccessfully tried to fight back the tears building up in my eyes.
Detective Jeremiah walked into the room that very moment with a smile on his face.

“the suspects are now in my custody but i’m afraid i also have to take Mrs Damian with me. You know she’s supposed to be in jail” he addressed the old lady who quickly sprang up to my defence


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore.


She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her.


The doctor thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, “Listen, I don’t do this for everyone, but since your husband’s on his way out… Get this prescription, and put three drops in his milk before he goes to bed.”


The wife is very happy and thanks the doc profusely. Two weeks later, the doctor sees the woman and asks how it went.


The lady blushes, smiles and says, “Well I put thirty drops in his milk by accident, and well, we just need an antidote now to close the coffin.”Related
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