Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

HPB drug [Read it]


After health education class on HBP, teacher aked "Who can name drugs used to controll HBP"
Joy: "lisinopril oral"
"Thats good, clap for her"
Emeka: "Diovan oral"
"Good one too, Akpos can you mention one?"
Akpos: After thinking for a long time, he shouted "Nairajokes oral"

is Akpos Wrong or Right?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-19 17:06:05

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Cooking is a lot like masturbation – you only do it when there’s no woman around!Related

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 5

Samuel felt like letting go of
the whole escape plan.
But his spirit was a strong
opposition.
He had spent alot for this, in
cash and in comfort!
He had to spend the night here
just for a perfect escape.
He had promised Isaiah, he
can’t afford to fail his friend.
“aaaaaarrrh” Isaiah let out,
slowly opening his eyes.
Samuel: you’ar awake!!! Just in
time bro.
Me: yeah, the pills did the
magic….is everything set?
Samuel: yes…i mean no…. er…
thing is cops are guarding you!
Me: what! Where are they?
Samuel: ssssh don’t raise your
voice….they are outside…first
things first! Lets get those
cuffs off you.
He used a tiny piece of metal
in unlocking the cuff.
Hitherto, my right hand was
cuffed to the hospital bed.
Samuel: here take this bag, in
it you’d find a pizza boy’s
wear, black shade and a
phone-size device.
The red signal on the screen
indicates where the bike you’d
be using is parked while the
green one shows your hide out,
i’d join you there in no distant
time.
Me: how about the cops? Or is
there anyother exit?
Samuel stood still for a while,
probably devising a plan.
Samuel: i’d think of something,
go to the restroom and change
alre…….
Policeman: hey doc! What the
heck are you doing with the
patient? Whats taking you so
long and what are you both
discussing?
Samuel: (whispering) go go,
change fast!!!
(loud) officer i was giving him
instructions on how to take his
medicine.
He couldn’t end the sentence
before an officer barged in.
Samuel: uh…..
Officer: where is he? (in a very
harsh tone)
samuel: he’s in the rest room.
Officer: scumbag!!! your hands
on your head!
Samuel: its not what it seems i
just……
Officer: (pointing the gun to
samuel’s head) i said shut
up!!!!
While wearing the ‘camouflage’
samuel gave me, i was hearing
indistinct chats which i didn’t
take serious.
I was about stepping to the
main ward when something
told me to peep, i obeyed the
vioce.
From my ‘peeping spot’ i saw
Samuel with a man clothed in
blue, i cop i guess.
Samuel was struggling to grab
the gun from the man, the
officer wasn’t yeilding either.
***********************************
Grace, Isaiah’s mum woke up
pretty late this morning yet
Isabella who was an early
waker isn’t up yet.
Thats quite freakish of her.
She decided to check her up in
her room.
Grace: Isabella dear, are you
okay? I mean its 7am already
and you’ar still on the bed, is
everything okay?
Isabella: no mum…i mean yes.
Grace: now i know you’ar
hiding something! Whatsup?
Isabella: you see i had this
terrible nightmare, it was so
real.
Grace sat next to her daughter,
on the bed.
She was rubbing Isabella’s hair
lightly.
Grace: tell me all about it.
Isabella: i dreamt that Isaiah
was stabbed and rushed to the
hospital, in the dream he was
fighting for his life.
Grace: you know sometimes
when you think too much
you….
Isabella: no mum, i have a
hunch something isn’t right.
My dreams always mamifest,
you know it.
Grace: i know but…..lets just
hope this dream of yours
doesn’t come true.
Isabella: i’d be visiting him
this morning
Grace: let me take my bath,
we’ar going together.
*************************************
The officer was over powering
Samuel, Isaiah ran to the scene
to help in the fight against the
cop, just when he was about
kicking the cop.
POW! A gunshot was heard in
the room…..

>>

EPISODE 25

The house felt strangely empty, and
uncomfortable.
Madam was away. Stella was nowhere to be found.
Okon rarely came upstairs. The few times he did;
to carry food, ask for a cold water or drop
something for Oga, he didn’t say much. Strangely, Mma found a part of her missing the fat
maid.
She’d concluded when Richard came back, that
she was going to tell him to bring Stella back too,
just as she’d told him to do Madam.
Before her stern eyes that evening, Richard called Cynthia fifteen times and she did not answer.
‘Continuing to calling her, she will answering,’
Mma had told him.
Richard shook his head.
‘I don’t think she will.’
‘I knowing she will. If not, she will offing the phone since.’
Richard tilted his chin in consideration. ‘You may
be right,’ he said.
But he did not call Cynthia again. He would go to
Ikeja and bring her back himself.
‘I will get you a phone tomorrow morning so that anyone can easily reach you. Do you have any
make you like?’
‘No o. No buying me anything again o.’
‘Why?’
‘Is it not the first one you buying me that sending
me out of the house?’ Richard curved his lips.
‘Yes na.’
‘Speaking of, where are the clothes?’
Mma hummed and folded herself, old-women
style.
‘Nnanna, biko, not remembering me that night. I fearing it. I fearing it very much.’
Richard smiled and patted her shoulder.
Mma was in the kitchen when she heard noises at
the front door. She thought it was Okon because
Richard did not return that early.
She turned off the sink and dried her hands with a towel.
Appearing at the sitting room, straight faces of two
women greeted her.
.
.
. Vanessa and Cynthia.


>>

Ah… Kevwe..Baby.. please I am ready
to tell the truth…” I dropped on my
knees, this couldn’t be happening, my
foolishness was going to ruin me. “My
love please…I swear I will tell the truth
now.”
He kept quiet, looking down at me, as if
considering whether to hear me out or
not, I didn’t wait for him to decide
because he looked ready to go into the
streets screaming bloody murder.
“Baby, it’s not poison I swear…it’s not.”
I began my voice shaking.
“Then what is it?”
“It’s…” How would I say this?
“What.” He barked and I jumped.
“It’s Viagra.” I said averting my gaze. I
couldn’t bring myself to look at him
after that.
“What… why?…For what? What are you
not telling me Onome?”
I looked up at him then and seeing the
confusion on his face, I knew I had to
come totally clean.
“Baby…” I tried to start still on my
knees but he cut me off.
“Don’t Baby me, just come out with it.
What are you not telling me?” He asked
brusquely.
I saw the detachment on him and knew
I was fast losing the love of my life.
This stupid plan was going to be the
end of my marriage, I should have just
told him about everything but I had
been scared and now here I was about
to lose him all the same.
“Are you going to come out with it? Or
do I call your your parents and tell
them you want to kill me.”
“No, no, I will talk…” I said hurriedly.
“Okay then, get on with it” He ordered.

Episode 3
“I…” I shook my head looking away
from him as my voice wavered “I did
something wrong Kevwe, and it’s not
because I don’t love you because I do…
But I never planned for it, I never even
asked for it.
“Last week when you travelled, I
came…I came back to meet someone in
the house…”
“Someone?” He asked frowning again.
I nodded “I have no idea how he got in,
he must have used the spare key we
keep under the flowerpot…the place
was dark but before I could put on the
lights he came at me threatening me to
be quiet by pointing a knife to my
neck….I…I was scared.
“He put a blindfold across my eyes and
gagge? my mouth before leading me to
the room and had his way with me.”
The tears had begun now as I narrated
my story to him and I wiped at them
with the sleeves of my shirt, unable to
look up at him.
I heard his footsteps move closer to me
and looked up then.
“Get up,” He said softly helping me to
my feet but I refused, shrugging away
from his hands choosing to remain on
my knees.
“I am not done Kevwe, please let me
keep kneeling till I am done…. please.”
He wouldn’t be so sympathetic when I
told him the whole truth.
“No Onome, get up.”
“But I haven’t finished….I …at first I
had just planned to lie still till he was
done…but….but,” feelings of the
assailants fingers and tongue lightly
teasing my n-----s came to mind and
the tears flowed freely as I shook with
shame and embarrassment at enjoying
every touch, every tease until he had
brought me to a release I had hungrily
craved.
I had been betrayed by my body.
“I enjoyed it Kevwe…I shamelessly
enjoyed it, moaning with wanton
pleasure as his hands worked magic
over me….. and when he slipped
himself into me, I was wet,
ready..and…..and I urged him on
Kevwe.”
My shoulders shook as the sobs racked
through me and I recalled how warm
and deep he had filled me up, much
like Kevwe but this was different. I
vividly recalled him raising my pelvis
and placing one of my leg over his
shoulder, he had hit the right spot deep
within me and I had screamed ‘yes’
with pleasure.

To Be Continued. Drop your comments.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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“Hey Chris, what are you doing? Kuu asked from
Mansa’s entrance. He had returned.
He came to check on her as he usually did only to
meet Chris in that state.
Chris came back to himself and lied just to justify himself.
“she has been drinking Kuu” Chris said trying to
change the subject.
“what!! you can’t be serious, Mansa doesn’t take
in
alcohol” Kuu said. You are reading "Tears of A Bleeding Heart
episode 2"
You can click here for more stories www.facebook.com/mrcouple4u “See for yourself” Chris told Kuu and quickly went
out from the room before Kuu could suspect
anything.
Kuu went closer to her and realize that there was
something different about her that morning.
He looked at her while she was still unonscious. He
tried waking her up severally but was no avail. He
began getting worried, it was until he splashed
water on her before she responded.
Mansa eventually woke up and saw Kuu staring at
her. She had a severe headache and Kuu on the other hand gave her aspirin to help calm down
her
pain.
“But Mansa, what has come over you? Why
should
you take in alcohol? Kuu asked. Mansa told him she has not taken in any alcohol
but to her surprise Kuu found it difficult to believe
her words. This gave her much worry to the
extend
that she didn’t know how to break the rape
incident to him or any other person in the family.
She wondered what to do since she never saw the
rapist neither did she see how he entered or
exited
from the house. There was no sign of force entry,
in fact there was no evidence to prove that she had
been raped.
Even if Kuu didn’t believe that she had not taken
in
alcohol, how better will any other person believe
in a rape case which had no trace.
Meanwhile, Chris couldn’t get what he felt when
he
was taking Mansa to her room. Within this short
period, he has gain a strong lustful desire for
Mansa. As a man who never gives up, he vowed to
himself
that he will satisfy his desire at all cost even if it
means he has to be nice to Mansa.
That was not really his first time, back in the
States he was known to be running after every lady he
came across.
His current girlfriend who loved him so much was
based in Ghana. Chris have been dating her for the
past 5 years even though he did not love her.
He only used her as his “s-x toy” because he showered money on her, Asabea his girlfriend
thought that indeed Chris loved her.
As a matter of fact, “LOVE” was never in his
dictionary. The only thing that kept their
relationship that long was that Asabea was very
possessive and was not ready to let go off Chris. Chris’s next project was Mansa. His attitude
towards her began changing. Mansa was always
surprised of the sudden change of attitude from
Chris. He has been caring to her as a brother
should.
His attitude towards Mansa gave Mrs. Amposah room to also be nice to her.
Everything was becoming normal, Mansa however
was still battling inwardly of her rape case.
She was waiting for the right moment to tell them
what really happened to her the night when she
was left all alone at home. On one occasion, Mrs.Amposah and Kuu went out
for a church meeting leaving Chris and Mansa
alone at home.
Chris got some popcorns for them to enjoy while
they sat and watched television.
They were laughing and for a moment, Chris will stare at her lustfully. He needed more time with
her alone.
Mansa was a bit tired and fell into a deep sleep on
the sofa. Chris on other went closer to her. He was
successful in opening her first button, which
exposed parts of her bra. But suddenly, the houseboy opened the door
leading to the living room accompanied by
Asabea.
Chris was not fast enough, Asabea noticed what
he
was trying to do instantly.


>>


BLIND BY NATURE EPISODE 8 (STORY BY DINDY)
do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission,thank you for reading this story..............

[WRITER SPEAKS]=> She reach for a white handkerchief which was right beside her,then she used it to clean both her hands,then she kept the bloody hanky back. She was about to remove the seatbelt from its lock which was on her, to check on Celestin when......
Julian's dad:"please come over here,he is here",he said as he directed the nurses to his car.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> On hearing her dad's voice she ended the idea of checking on Celestin, and she hid the hanky under the seat she sat on, using her right hand. She did that because she didn't want her dad to suspect anything, She just acted normal like nothing was going on.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Julian's dad went to the back door of his car, and opened the door to its fullest,without wasting time the nurses which were at his back,came with a wheeled bed which was with them. The three nurses brought the wheeled bed closer to the left hand side of Julian dad's car,when they saw him, their hearts felt pity for him, because his condition was at the high side,one of the nurses went into the car to check his pulse. She felt a positive pulse,which means he was still alive,then she signalled the two other male nurses. Two nurses male and female stayed at the left door to support his legs while the other male nurse went to the right door to support Celestin's head to be moved out gently,they gently pulled him out. When he came out but not fully,they couldn't make him stand because one of his left leg was broken, so they carried him up then placed him on the wheeled bed and moved into the hospital>emergency room.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> His daughter Julian who didn't see anything that happened, but heard and felt only the noise and movement that went on at her back, had so many questions in her head about how Celestin was and where he was taken to.
[JULIAN'S DAD THOUGHTS]=> Ah thank God that this young man didn't die,even after all the delay,he still made it here,ah thank God,and I didn't even run into the police,and I was able to escape that traffic,thank God my sweet loving daughter was with me,if not I would have being lock up there in the traffic, and this young man would have gone to God in heaven. Now what remains is for him to not die in the hand of the doctors, if he dies in there, it will hurt me alot,God please save this young man's life for me,for my family and especially for his family too. God you are really good,if you can make him live up to this moment,i am sure he will scale through the operation. God all i have to say is.....
Julian's dad:"THANK YOU LORD!",he shouted out loud as he raised his head upwards to the heavens above.
[WRITER SPEAKS] Julian's dad was so lost in thoughts that he didn't even know when he shouted "THANK YOU LORD" out loud.
Julian:"dad where is Celestin now",she asked making her dad to realize that he shouted out loud and bringing him back to real life.
Julian's dad:"he has been taken into the hospital",he replied her putting his head back to its normal front facing position.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> After julian heard what her dad said, she was calm and relaxed. Julian's dad walked up to the driver's seat side, then he opened the door and entered and sat down.
Julian's dad:"I better go and check where he is being taken too",he said to Julian as he switched off his car engine and lowered his car windows.
Julian's dad:"please Julian,stay here,I will soon be back",he said as he quickly removed his car key from his car.
Julian:"ok dad",she said to him placing her head on the seat's head support,then she placed her right hand on the door handle and her left hand on her laps.
Julian's dad:"be careful dear",he said leaving his car.
Julian:"ok dad",she said closing her eyes to take a nap.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He left Julian and ran to meet the nurses. At first when he ran inside,he wasn't able to locate them,because there were three linking paths, left,right and front linking to the entrance door. The hospital was a big hospital with both normal/abnormal people, nurses, doctors, security men moving up to down,down to up,right to left and right to left. His eyes were running up and down,looking and thinking of the path they took,he finally looked up and saw boards directing people to where they want to goto. He looked to the left and saw "toilet and bathroom" written on the board, he looked right where the reception which he call the nurses from, and he saw " reception and drugs collection" written on the board, he looked forward and saw " sickbay,emergency,operation and labour room" written on it. He came to a conclusion that they most have taken him there, so he quickly ran straight forward. A door was ahead of him,so he slowed down,when he opened the door he saw them, he quickly ran to meet up with them.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He stoped running, and walked slowly behind them as they pushed Celestin in the wheeled bed,the bed was already attracted with a drip,and the nurses fix an oxygen aid on Celestin's nose to help him breath better, because his brain was loosing strength which unable enough air to get into his brain. Celestin was;like broken pieces of glasses,his body, soul and mind were in three different dimension. The Three nurses were talking as they pushed Celestin,two other nurses a male and female, came to help them as they pushed Celestin's body to the emergency room>operating room, because his case was a serious case.
Julian's dad:"is he going to survive?",he asked walking closely behind them.
Male nurse 2:"sir please don't worry everything is under control",he said still pushing the wheeled bed forward.
Female nurses 1:"sir please,you will have to stay here",she said as they got in front of the emergency room>operation room.
Julian's dad:"ok ma",he said as he stopped walking and obeyed the nurse.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Julian's dad watched as they took him inside the emergency room,he was relieved a little.
[JULIAN'S DAD THOUGHTS]=> ah thank God everything is under control,I better go check on my daughter and bring her in here.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> He quickly left to meet his daughter in his car, And he did as he thought.
............MEAN WHILE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM...................
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> They took him to the operating room,everything was already set. Nurse 2 was busy writing and taking down report,while Nurse 3 and 5 brought the second bed closer,so that they could transfer Celestin,they communicated as they did their jobs. It wasn't so easy for them to carry Celestin because of his broken bones.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=>The doctor was not to far from them. Immediately they placed him on the bed and attached a larger oxygen,the doctor came in all dressed up with the necessary kits,the nurses also were dressed up and prepared for the task they have on ground.
Doctor:" What is his report?",he asked putting his right hand out to collect the report from nurses 2.
Nurse 2:"here is it sir",he said giving the report to the doctor.
Doctor:"hmmm,this is really serious",he said shaking his head.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> Before the doctor could say anything else, Celestin heart failed,his pluses dropped;like a falling angel. The nurses jumped into action,two nurses went to bring the heart revival machine, they switched it on and immediately gave the negative and positive charged plates to the doctor, the doctor took it and robbed it together to create an electric charge,as he rob it very fast,it made a raising sound which indicate that it was charging up,then it made a steady thin sound which indicated that I was fully charged. the doctor asked.
Doctor:"clear?".
Nurse 5:"clear",she replied.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> the doctor place the charged plates on Celestin's chest, Celestin chest push upwards as the heart revival plates were placed on his chest. The doctor and nurses checked the heart reading machine which read his heart rate and pulses, but his heart didn't respond. The doctor charged it and placed it on Celestin's chest again,and again but no responses, the doctor tried it once more.
Doctor:"clear?",he asked.
Nurse 5:"clear",she said.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> The doctor placed it again on his chest,Celestin's chest pushed upwards because of the amount of heavy charges being applied on it. The doctor and nurses kept hoping to get a positive result from Celestin.
[WRITER SPEAKS]=> But Celestin's heart didn't respond,all hope was lost,there was nothing the doctor or nurses could do again,they all just watched as his life slipped away..............................to be continue......story by dindy.........whatsapp number:07087750433.... [email protected]@gmail.com or [email protected] facebook namessy nnamdi.......Skype: 07087750433 or [email protected]
Announcement announcement announcement!!!
hello guys,I will be going on a two months break very soon,love you all.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Difference between eFuck and eRape?

A girl putting her mobile in her pussy on Vibration Mode and asks her boyfriend to call is eFuck;

And if someone else calls then its eRape!Related

Lets Celebrate Freedom by Promoting a

Human rights Culture in which respect, dignity and equality

become a code for living.

This will be our role to

Live up to the dreams of 1947

Happy Independence DayRelated

Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows.

-John BetjemanRelated

Only trust someone who can see these 3 things in you:

The sorrow behind your smile;

The love behind your anger;

And the reason behind your silence.Related

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppy disk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!Related

The next day i briefed Jboy, giving him
the
details of everything that went on
between
Mary and I the previous day. He was pleased.
“so how do we give her the drugs?.
When do
you think will be perfect?” i asked,
“well remember i said it could be done
within a week. It’s all on you” he replied.
“ok then, saturday night will be better. I
want it
done as soon as possible” i answered. He
kept
quiet for a while, perhaps thinking how possible
it would be.
“so what’s your plan?. Remember she
isn’t
supposed to eat anything within that
time- frame. How do you intend keeping her
hungry
by that hour. It sounds hard oo. I would
have
preferred it done in the morning?” he
asked. “remember Kano state football team
{kano
pillars} are coming over to the state for a
football match on saturday?” i asked,
“yes and what has that got to do with the
plan?” he curiously asked.
“a lot bro. I will pick her up from her
apartment
on saturday morning. Have some rounds
of sex
with her. Then in the afternoon, i will buy her
some light snacks which we will eat
together
before heading over to watch the match.
On
our return, i will serve her a drugged cup of
fruit juice before notifying you to come
over
with your chemist friend. It’s a difficult
task but
it really is the best i can come up with” i explained convincingly.
“well let’s pray it works well. I’ll bring
the
sleeping stuff tomorrow morning” he
murmured and hung up.
I was happy and angry with myself. I knew what
i was about doing wasn’t right but had to
do it to
avoid an unending regret.
Early the next day as i dressed for work,
Jboy brought the pills and wished me luck.
“i’m by your side bro” he smiled as we
shook
hands.
On getting to the office, I told Chioma
that i will be travelling to the village to spend the
weekend. She instantly believed me,
asking no
prying question which really was a big
relief.
I had the sleeping pills, Chioma out of the way.
The only thing left was completing my
plans
which were now in the final stage.
Deep down i was very scared.

>>

My dear husband [Read it]


There was this woman who lost her dear husband.
She was distressed by the death that she cried uncontrollably even until the date of burial.
At the grave site, when they where filling the grave with sad, she kept on crying and saying "I want to die! I want to join him. I love him"
She was rolling herself on the ground and mistakenly feel into the grave.
She shouted louder "Stop! Stop! Somebody help me!!!"
One of her husband brother said "I thought you want to die with him?"
"Noooo! i was just pretending so that people will not know i killed my husband"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-16 12:42:35

4836 Views



lost mtn card [Read it]


MTN #750 .2314 5863 2541 2290... This card was found by a good Nigerian @old park in Lagos this morning ...

Pls broadcast till it gets to d Owner.. DON'T LOAD PlS... GOD Will BLESS YOU!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-16 21:14:27

245 Views



The Old Woman [Read it]


An old woman boarded a bus going
to Lagos from Calabar and told the
driver to let her know when they
arrive Benin. The driver nodded.
After several hours of driving, the
old woman asked, "Driver, have we
gotten to Benin?"
"Ooooh!!" The driver exclaimed,
"Madam, we passed Benin 4 hours
ago!"
The woman cried aloud, "I want you
to turn this vehicle back to beinin
or else!..."
Hesitantly and out of respect for the
old woman, everybody in the vehicle
convinced the driver to go back to
Benin.
When they got to Benin, the driver
came down, opened the door of the
bus and told the woman they had
arrived in Benin.
The woman simply opened her
handbag, brought out a pack of
paracetamol drugs, removed two
tablets and swallowed them with a
cup of water. She smiled and said,
"My daughter said I should take two
tablets of panadol when I get to
Benin."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-15 17:55:53

312 Views




Dear Married People,

Buddha had to invent a whole new religion to escape his wife that’s how difficult it is!Related

I have a problem please. My girlfriend told
me it's over between us, I thought about it
and decided that life without her is
meaningless, so I
decided to kill myself.
I drank Lacasera wit Suya but nothing
happened, I proceeded to another level of
poisonous concoction, so I prepared Turkey
and Gizzard with strawberry juice and lot of
fresh tomatoes, yet nothing. I ate cake,
chocolate mixed wit ice cream, still I didn't
die.
I'm so confused and tired right now because
I just finished eating fried rice wit Maltina
and fresh fruit salad but nothing happened.
What should I do to kill myself or who will
give me
Reason 2 live $ become my true love?
I need advice, please!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-10 16:21:40

203 Views




Golu – Ae Papya,Tere Hath Pair Q Kaap Rahe Hai , Aaj Tu Itna Ghabraya Huva Kyu Hai



Pappu – Thoda Confusion Ho Gaya Yaar ????



Golu – Kya Confusion Huva ?? o.O



Pappu – Arey Me Jungle Me Tatti Kar Raha Tha,To Muje Ped (tree) Ke Piche Kuch Dikha,Muje Laga Saap (snake) Hai :o,Par Vo Ped Ki Lakdi Nikali :/



Golu – Sale Fattu Isme Itna Ghabrane Ki Kya Baat Hai :v



Pappu – Lekin Fir Jab Meine Us Saap Ko Marne Ke Liye Jo Lakdi Udhayi Vo Asli Saap Nikala :3 :3



???? ????Related

Jude: why did you dragged me out like that?
Loveth: i was just confused
Jude: why?
Loveth: will you stop asking me why and please stay away from me
Jude: why should i?
Loveth: i don't like you(she walked away)
Jude: so you thinking(curtain)

Darling: why have you not be returning my calls
Vivian: i am sorry
Darling: is everything alright?
Vivian: how can everything be alright?when my husband as turn into a monster
Darling: what do you meaning?(Loveth's eye are busy pouring tears)
Vivian: i don't know but he is no longer the way he used to be
Darling: don't worry this is just trying period for your love;everything will be fine
Vivian: i just hope so(she pause)what is wrong with her?
Darling: madam(to Loveth) are you okay
Loveth: i am fine(she wiped her tears)i am just okay
Vivian: you are not
Darling: did something happen?
Loveth: no
Vivian: then why are you crying if nothing is wrong?
Loveth: is because i am stupid;i just let him play with my emotion,i am so foolish that i fall for his charms and then got hurt in the process(tears continue pouring)
Darling: we don't understand.
Vivian: who are you talking about?
Loveth: him
Darling: who is him?
Loveth: the doctor
Vivian: are you two dating?
Loveth: no
Darling: did he tell you he love you?
Loveth: no;he is just a flirt
Vivian: he didn't tell you;he love you nor are you too dating,then why are you calling him names?
Loveth: is because he made me look foolish by kissing one stupid girl
Darling: are you by chance in love with the doctor?
Loveth: yes;and because i gave my heart to him i am heart broken (Vivian laughed)what is funny?
Vivian: you are funny;how can you be crying over someone that is not dating you and i am sure he doesn't even know you name because you don't even know his name. you are not only funny;you are stupid also
Loveth: go on and insult me because i told you the truth(Vivian continued laughing)
Vivian: you amazed me;this is, what i wasn't expecting from you(tears roll her eyes)you not a baby that cry over someone who doesn't care about you or even know if you exist
Darling: that is enough;Love just maybe the girl you saw with him is nothing to him
Vivian: don't try to make her feel okay;at her age she is supposed to be married or have a serious relationship that will be leading to marriage instead of crushing on a stranger
Darling: Vivian;are you okay?
Vivian: yes i am fine(Loveth stood up and walked away)
Darling: hold on Love,what is wrong with you?i though i was the naught one among the three of us;i don't know you are worse
Vivian: i am just been real
Darling: keep your reality to yourself;i am out of here
Vivian: you are leaving me here?
Darling: i have important things to do with my time than to come sit with you (she walked away)
Vivian: do i blame you two

Joan: sir;will you not be going for lunch?
Luke: i don't feel like it
Joan: but why?are you having a problem because you haven't been yourself since morning;are you sick?
Luke: not at all(he sigh)
Joan: are you okay?
Luke: yes;i am fine,just stress
Joan: if you say so;i go ahead
Luke: alright(she left)what have i gotten myself into?i just can't concentrate(he walked into the rest room and wash his face)please get off my head(talking to the mirror)young lady get off my head;i don't want to keep thinking about you. when you are not mind(enter Joan)i hate this stupid feelings(he screamed)
Joan: sir;is everything alright?
Luke: yes Joan;do you need anything?
Joan: no;i brought your lunch since you didn't go out
Luke: alright;thanks;you are a darling. just leave it there
Joan: alright(she refused to go)i wonder what is wrong with him?(he came out)
Luke: you are still here?
Joan: yes;i just want to make sure you are okay
Luke: i am;you are really caring
Joan: anything for you
Luke: thank you(he smiled and eat up)i am really glad you came to my aid;thoughts was really heating me up
Joan: take it easy
Luke: i will
Joan: do you want to talk about it?
Luke: no
Joan: okay;but just take it easy with yourself because if it is because of a girl you are hurting yourself please don't some girls are not to be trusted they just play with people's feelings
Luke: assuredly;i saw her with a .....never mind
Joan: you don't have to;i understand is your personal life
Luke: thank you
Joan: you welcome(she hugged him and walked away)
Luke: i wonder why she is so nice;anyway;her name is Joan and she is our new female doctor;she is really caring to everyone but to be sincere i think she like me
Nurse: doctor;the patient is up
Luke: alright;after you(curtain)

Muriel: welcome my son
Alex: thank you ma;you said you want to see me
Muriel: yes;for some time my son have been avoiding me and i know why. it seems he is having hard time choosing a bride;so i want to help him
Alex: but how can you do that ma?
Muriel: my marriage anniversary is coming up in six months time and i want him to get engage on that day and get married afterward
Alex: how is it possible?
Muriel: i will woo like three to four woman for him and best will be his wife
Alex: ma;you are kidding me
Muriel: i am not;i want this woman to be his friends first and i already have two but i need like one or two. that is were you coming in
Alex: how?
Muriel: about from Yemi and Monica who else do you know?
Alex: there is Joan;the doctor at the hospital and one other girl but i don't really know that one
Muriel: no problem;you will help me get her contact
Alex: the one i don't know?
Muriel: no;the one you know
Alex: alright ma
Muriel: good
Alex: go ahead
Muriel: see you some other time(curtain)


Loveth: what are you doing in my office?
Jude: i came to see you
Loveth: what for?(enter Liz)good day ma
Liz: how are you?
Loveth: i am fine ma;what are you doing here?
Liz: we want to apologies for what happen my son told me everything
Loveth: but this is my office;we can't do that here
Jude: then let's go somewhere and talk
Loveth: i can't
Liz: please;for my sake
Loveth: alright lets go
Liz: thank you my daughter
Luke: this place is lovely
Joan: i know you will like it
Luke: of cause i do but is this not too expensive
Joan: don't worry is my treat(at same restaurant enter Liz/Jude/Loveth)let's place our order
Luke: alright(back to Loveth)
Loveth: this is nice
Liz: of cause;my son like lovely things like you
Jude: mom;please;Loveth please forgive me for hurting you
Loveth: that is in the past;if i haven't forgiven you then i wouldn't be here
Jude: thank you(he held her hand)please give me a second chance(Luke rise his head and saw her)to right my wrong
Loveth: slow down
Liz: please my daughter;since you left my son;he is hurt;please say yes
Loveth: but ma....
Liz: please
Jude: i beg you
Loveth: alright fine (he hugged her)
Jude: thank you(back to Luke)
Luke: what?i thought she said she doesn't have boy friend;what is this?
Joan: is there anything wrong?
Luke: yes.. no;sorry;nothing is wrong
Joan: are you sure?
Luke: yes(back to Loveth)
Loveth: that is enough
Jude: thank you very much
Loveth: is alright please excuse me;i need to use the rest room(she walked away)
Jude: no problem
Luke: please excuse me i will be back
Joan: alright(he walked away)be fast(he dragged Loveth as she was coming out into the male rest room)
Loveth: who are you?let me go;you are hurting me
Luke: sorry;
Loveth: you again;what do you want from me?
Luke: every thing
Loveth: i don't understand
Luke: who is he and why is he touching you?
Loveth: do you have a problem with that?
Luke: yes;is because i....(he pause)
Loveth: you what?
Luke: never mind
Loveth: alright can i go now
Luke: of cause;(she turn to leave)what is your name?
Loveth: Loveth(she turned)
Luke: you are not going to asked my name?
Loveth: is there any need(he stood in front of her)
Luke: there is really no need
Loveth: alright;what is it?
Luke: i will tell you over lunch tomorrow. deed
Loveth: what are you thinking?my fiance will kill ...
Luke: he doesn't have to know
Loveth: i can't lie to him(her phone ringing)please let me go
Luke: tomorrow
Loveth: fine
Luke: your number
Loveth: that too
Luke: so you wouldn't rum away from me
Loveth: you won(she brought out handkerchief to right the number)
Luke: no need for that?my phone is here(she gave him the number and walked away)thanks anyway(he breath out)
Liz: what kept you?
Loveth: um...uh...someone was inside
Jude: no problem;shall we
Liz: of cause

Joan: sir;what were you doing?
Luke: nothing and please drop the sir;its embarrassing
Joan: alright sir(he smiled)at least i mad you smiled
Luke: (to himself)i am not smiling because of you;i am smiling because i finally got her name;anyways;you are also behind this smile because if not for you;i wouldn't had meet her again
Joan: are you saying something?
Luke: not at all;let's go
Joan: so fast
Luke: i have something to attend to
Joan: alright
Luke: thanks for the treat
Joan: you welcome(curtain)



Alex: hi
Joan: hello;can i help you
Alex: i will like to introduce you to someone
Joan: who?(enter Muriel)good day ma
Muriel: good day my daughter
Joan: who is she?
Jude: Luke's mother
Joan: what?




SEE MORE


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Rajnikant Garba ki Raat Dhol Baja raha tha..

.

.

.

.

Thodi der Baad ek Alien Dharati per Aaya aur Bola

.

.

.

.

.

.

Bhai Mere Bete ka kal Exam hai, Thoda Dheere Bajaa…:/:p :O ????Related

I’m so happy. Do you know why?

Bcoz I’m so lucky. Do you know why?

Bcoz God loves me. Do you know how?

Cuz he gave me a wonderful gift. Do you know what?

It’s you, my dear friend!Related

AND NOW. . . Episode 17
Sean woke up startled. He was sweating
profusely despite the intensity at which the air
condition was blowing. He just had a
nightmare. Was it? He saw himself chopping
off a young man’s body limb by limb. Each
time the sharp machete made contact with the
dead flesh, little spurts of blood were
deposited on his face. The dead man was
screaming for help and begging for pity as
Sean cut him mercilessly. Ignoring the man’s
pleas, he took the huge pieces of meat with
the bones dangling on one side and
approached the den in the Fortress. The sight
of the dogs alone brought fright to him. The
dogs were huge and menacingly wild. No one
in his complete senses dared to enter the
fortress when the dogs were not leashed or
caged. There were three Rottweilers, two
German Shepherds, one Husky, and one Wolf
dog Hybrid. Ferocious dogs that were usually
made to go very hungry before they were fed.
The last time they ate was the evening before.
And they were quite hungry, and ready to
pounce. As Sean approached they began to
bark in their den, the Rottweilers spewing
huge amounts of saliva from their mouths.
Sean stood a few meters away from the Den.
Even though the cage was locked tight, he still
did not want to risk taking any chances. He
began to throw the pieces of flesh into the
cage. Some got in. Some did not. In the
demented rush for the meat, the Wolf Dog
Hybrid forced the cage open. It came after
Sean and the remaining pieces of flesh he had
with him. Sean ran for dear life. He ran as fast
and as swift as his legs could carry him. But
Sean was not fast enough. The Wolf Dog
pursued him and caught up with him. It
pounced on him, sinking its teeth in Sean’s
right arm which he used as a shield to cover
his face. He screamed.
Sean woke up.
He was sweating. He turned on the bedside
lamp, partially illuminating the room and
casting a small shadow on the walls. He
looked up at the wall clock. 3:26am. He could
not go back to sleep. He was haunted by the
dogs. He got up from his bed and opened a
door to his left. He entered the bathroom and
saw a large brown bucket stained with a
reddish liquid. He moved closer to inspect the
bucket. He was shocked at what he saw
inside. There was a human head soaked in a
pool of blood. His heart raced. So it was not a
dream after all. He suddenly wished it was all
a dream. He remembered all that happened
the evening before. He recalled how Sophia
had wasted the life of a promising young man
just to prove a point. A ridiculous point. What
in the world did they want with him anyway?
He stopped starring at the bucket and face the
small rectangular mirror on the wall by the
sink. He washed his face and looked up at his
reflection. He was looking very haggard. He
hadn’t shaved in days and looked very
unkempt. He made a mental note to ask for a
clipper in the morning.
Sean got back to his room. He switched on
the lights and looked around. He had
previously scrubbed the tiled floors clean. The
walls still had a little blood stain. That could
be ignored, he told himself. He opened the
drawer attached to his bedside table, pulling
out a file. The first few pages contained a
summary of his whole life and the past 4
months were summarized in more detail. He
skipped that part and concentrated on the
second module of the file. This contained a
list of things he was supposed to do and a
timeline for the completion of the tasks. He
was expected of produce a 90% accuracy at
the least.
There was a 3 months special online course
on Cybersystems and Cyberspace. After that, 2
months of Router Hacking and Password
Decryption. He had another four days of
Wireless Systems, Radio Configuration and
Cloud Redirection. His performance after all
these would determine if they would continue
with him to the advanced stage or discharge
him. He did not like how that sounded.
‘Discharge’. He had a feeling that he would
not be let go so easily. He feared the worst.
He closed the file and thought about his
girlfriend in Canada. He had not spoken to her
in over a week. He missed her. He missed his
mother. He knew there were agents at her very
doorstep and that really worried him.
He heaved a huge sigh. He was going to get
to the bottom of this. No matter what it would
take, he was not going to give up until he got
to the end of the line.
He closed his eyes and drifted into dreamland.
Tawo was furious. He was angry at himself
and at the whole team. He was raging and
venting his anger at anyone who as much as
spoke a word to him. He sat on his swivel
chair swaying left and right, both hands on
his forehead. He was rubbing his temple and
trying to find out where everything went
wrong.
“Sir, there is…” Agent Ope started but stopped
when he saw the bloody look of anger in his
superior’s eyes
“You have 15 seconds to say what you wanted
to blurt. If I am not impressed, I will have you
monitoring the CCTV at Park ‘N’ Shop by
tomorrow.” Tawo threatened.
The Agent hesitated for a few seconds. He
kept quiet. He knew that if he still did not
speak, the same fate awaited him. He decided
to say what he wanted to and hope that it
impressed his Boss.
“Sir, upon gruesome scrutiny of the playback
tapes of the bugging operation, I noticed a
blind spot. We overlooked that little glitch but
upon proper inspection, I noticed that it was
actually not a glitch.” Agent Ope said.
“You’ve got my attention. Go on.” Tawo said.
“There was a point that the target was
stationary for about 90 seconds. That was our
blind spot. I decided to check it out. I was
able to override one of the surveillance
cameras around the Redemption Camp. The
nearest camera was a CAM70-Extreme. I
zoomed in on it and adjusted the capture
area.” Ope said, getting up and moving to the
large touch screen monitor on the wall.
“This is where the target was blinking for 90
seconds,” He said touching a portion of the
map. The touched portion grew large filling
the whole screen. He continued.
“From here onwards for about 500 meters,
there was no traffic and there are no fuel
stations, restaurants, shops, fast foods or
anything to make him stop. He was constantly
on the move.” He touched a smaller portion of
the now expanded map.
“This is the most acute angle that the camera
could pick. I will rewind the footage of the
camera at this point of the map sir.” Ope said.
He pressed a button on the screen and a
video footage appeared in very slow motion, at
the exact point the mechanic came out from.
It showed the Mechanic coming out of a small
hut which served as his workshop, crossing
the road and going left. There was nothing
after that. Exactly 90 secons later, the Black
Honda zoomed past.
“Impressive Ope” Tawo asserted a smile on his
lips.
“Thank you sir. The Colonel is very smart. He
had the Mechanic come meet him at the exact
spot where he knew that he would not be
captured by the cameras. He deliberately put
this Mechanic on the spot. We have no
records against the young lad sir. I am sure
he knew that. We can’t make him talk. It
seems he is going to win with this one.” Ope
concluded.
Tawo was thinking. His fingers were playing
with small beard. As the video replayed,
something caught his eye.
“Stop that. Yes. Start the footage all over. And
pause it on 03mins:14secs” Tawo ordered.
Ope obeyed. They watched the video all over
again. From the beginning, cars were passing.
At 01mins: 16secs, the Mechanic crossed the
road and started walking left. He was not
visible anymore. At 02mins:55secs, they
watched as the Black Honda zoomed past.
Nothing happened for the next 17 seconds.
Two seconds later, Tawo half screamed,
“Pause Now!”.
There was a Danfo in the footage, pause as it
was accelerating.
“That Danfo is just accelerating. Zoom in on
the front passenger seat.” Tawo barked
Ope did that. A blurred face with a white
background.
“Now take that that image and move it to the
facial ID defragmenter. “ Tawo commanded.
Ope pressed a button on the screen, used the
tip his fingers to trace the edges of the image
and pressed another button. With his two
thumbs, he flipped the traced image in one
very swift fast motion onto the next screen by
his right.
“Image received. Scanning and
Defragmentation in progress” came a
computer voice from the screen.
They waited 12 seconds and then an image
appeared before them.
It was The Colonel in his white linen,
Tawo smiled.
“Get me that bus registration plates.” He said
to Ope.
“Yes sir.”
Ope zoomed in on the registration plates,
defragmented it and printed it out.
“Done sir.” Ope said.
“Good.” Tawo replied getting the printed sheet
from him.
He pressed a button on his table. His voice
went into loud speaker mode in another office
on the previous floor below them. There were
eight trained search agents in that room. Give
them a tiny detail (a name or a place or a
phone number) and they would search out and
deliver every single information regarding it.
They had access to any electronic device that
had access to the internet or used a database.
They were the best.
“Bee Hive. This is Super-Agent Tawo. I want
all routes taken by commercial van with
registration plates BZ739FST between the
hours of 6:30 and 7:30. You have 15
minutes.”
He pushed back his chair, put his legs on his
table one on top of the other. He put his two
hands behind his head and closed his eyes.
“I am going to nail this b-----d.” He said to
himself.
To be continued…

>>

I was rolling in bed.
It was difficult to sleep, everywhere felt like Jafar, from the smell to the bold colors of the room. I tried listening to music but they were his songs. Naeto C’s “Kini big deal” was working for me until; Naeto C said “Kilode my darling?” and I wanted to die. Jafar loved that part of the song.
So I went to the kitchen, two guys were smoking Kush there, they quickly exited as I entered, I picked up a piece of cloth and a bucket full of water and went outside to Jafar’s Benz. It was in the same shape in which i had brought it back. The back Glass was still broken, with shreds of glass on the seats, his blood had stained the front seats. I soaked the chairs with water and detergent and started brushing the blood out. In no time the contents of the bucket was deep red..i sobbed as I washed.
My hands were bruised when I called it quits, I sat on the back seat when a phone rang, I picked up my phone then I realized it was another phone that had rang. I found the Nokia phone beneath the seat; it was the phone that the police-man who was leaning close to my window was holding. it must have dropped in the car when Jafar hit him.
The excitement I got from finding the phone was nothing compared to how I felt when I went through the contents…towards the end..i became shocked…I called Uche, told him to meet me in Jafar’s car.
Uche: I think say you don sleep..
Me: no..i couldn’t..
I gave him the phone to peruse..
Uche : are you serious?
I just nodded my head…I was still dumbfounded…
Uche : where did you find it?
I told him how everything happened, including Jafar’s last attempt to avoid the tragic incident.
Me: you know what I realized?…Jafar actually hit the guy at my side so he won’t be able to shoot at me, in the last moments he put me first..
Uche : him na correct guy…
Me: VC called me, asking for a meeting with us this weekend..
Uche ; what do you think?
Me: would Jafar have attended?
Uche : Yes, he likes the VC..
Me: we should go then…
Uche: so when do we move?
Me: move where?
Uche : with this information we have got…or are u not up to it?
Me: oh…as soon as possible…
Uche : are you sure?
Me: I can barely wait…but I need a favor…
Uche: what?
Me : let’s keep it to just you and I for now…
Uche: No problem…
I bade him goodnight…
I woke up some hours later, it was very cold and I was hungry..i went back to the room to find the left over sugar-cane Jafar and I had munched in the fridge. As I ate it I thought of the past few months..i remembered the meeting I had with Abayomi, Kofo, Michael and Uche…I never knew that gathering would change my life ..But it did…
And tomorrow, it was about to be changed forever..
Morning came slower than I had hoped, but when it came, I was ready..
I went to the bathroom, stared at myself in the mirror, I looked horrible. My eyes were swollen and I looked drain..i stripped off my clothes and turned the shower on…I sat on the floor as water washed over me for more than thirty minutes..
I didn’t have enough black clothes, I intent to buy as soon as I got the chance. I wore a black gown with a pair of black shoes. Jafar’s black Loius Vuitton Shades was in his wardrobe…it didn’t really fit me, but I wanted something of his to be with me at all times..
Uche and “Last-born” were waiting in the Hilux when I got outside, our journey was taking us to Irolu.
As we passed the area in which Jafar was killed, I found it hard to breathe. My phone vibrated…
Me : Timi what’s up?
Timi: I am good…calling to see if I can see you today..
Me: that would be nice, I would come to your house later tonight..somethings came up that I would like to inform you..
Timi: cool, should I cook anything?
Me: not gotten my appetite back..but thanks..
Timi: you know I always got your back…
Me: I am grateful,Timi..
The hotel we were going to at Irolu was called “Mother Care”. It had been well described in one of the messages seen in the cell Phone. My prayer was that the Police-man hadn’t suspected that the phone was with me.
The hotel was hidden by a Rubber plantation, but after a sharp bend along the narrow motor path, it exposed itself in all its majesty. It was not hard locating the Suite that we were looking for. He had registered in the Hotel as Mr Williams. When we got to the door, I told the guys to chill outside while I entered. I knocked but there was no response. It was a big suite so I suspected that the occupant must be far from the door. I turned the handle of the door, luckily it opened. The place was luxurious, the door ushered me into the sitting room, it was unoccupied. So I tiptoed in the direction of the room. I started hearing moans before I got there. The door was slightly ajar so I peeped. Lying on the bed was a man, a very busty girl was riding his face, his tongue smacking in and out of her, she grabbed at her b----t in ecstasy, another girl held his dicck in her hand and was sucking it like her life depended on it. The room was dark but the threesome happening was visible. I tiptoed inside the room, they didn’t notice as they were engrossed in their activity..i turned on the switch by the wall..
Man : Hey! Who the hell are you?
The two girls sprung up from the bed with their b----t giggling as they picked their clothes and ran out of the room..
Me: Good morning Sir..
Man: who the hell are you?
Me: I am Tana, and you are?
Man : Get the hell out of my suite, what kind of rubbish is this?
The foolish man took his time in tying the bed sheet around his waist…
Me: sorry for disturbing your tryst, but what I need to ask you couldn’t wait..
He went to the Inter-com…
Man: I will call the Receptionist to come and boot your out of here, I am sure a Police station shouldn’t be far away…
Me: don’t be stupid..
He was taken aback; his right hand squeezed his grey beard…
Man: Are you mad? Do you know who you are talking to?
Me: Yes I Know, Prof Agbaide.
]The DVC stuttered..
Prof Agbaide : young lady, who are you, what do you want and how did you find me?
Me: I am here as regards Jafar?
Prof Agbaide: who is Jafar?
I brought out Jafar’s gun from my purse…
The renowned professor of Maths and Statistics fell on the bed..
Me: any other wrong answer and you get a bullet..
Prof Agbaide : Who was he to you?
Me: My life…
Prof Agbaide : I am sorry, please…please…I have a wife and kids…little children…please spare my life….
Me : why did you order for him to be killed?
Prof Agbaide: It wasn’t my making, it was orders from above…it was beyond my power…I am a Christian, I didn’t support the move.
Me: I have all the messages you exchanged with the cops, you even described him and the car he drove…
Prof Agbaide : I was just following orders..
Me: So you would be the Vice-Chancellor?
Prof Agbaide: that wasn’t the ultimate aim, the school was going in the wrong direction, Jafar and his guys were the stumbling block.
Me: National would probably have won and given you the mandate you required..
Prof Agbaide : Even with National, Jafar was still a problem..
Me : so you killed my best Friend, Abayomi…and Jafar?
Prof Agbaide: I didn’t kill them, I was just following the script..
Me: Good
Prof Agbaide : Now that Jafar and Eli are dead, we can start afresh…I am influential enough to make you the next SUG president. Believe me!
Me: are you serious?
Prof Agbaide : Yes
Me: wont that be lovely?
Prof Agbaide : I will give you 3million Naira cash too..
Me: you are generous sir…do you know people think you have been kidnapped or even killed in Ago-iwoye.
Prof Agbaide : I just wanted to stay out of the politics for a while, you know I told you I am a Christian..i was tired of the deaths..
The image of the girls with him earlier flashed through my mind, I smiled at the Christian..
Me: No problem…
Prof Agbaide : Thank you my daughter, what department are you in? I promise you that you will graduate with a 2’1. Truthfully…
Me: You are far too kind sir…
Prof Agbaide: it’s my pleasure dear…just put down the gun…
I did as I was told. I could see the smile of victory spread across his face.
I started to leave the room..
Prof Agbaide : don’t leave like this, let me give you money..
Me: don’t worry…I am okay…
Uche and “Last-Born” were waiting by the balcony as I stepped out..I walked down to the Hilux to wait for them, in about ten minutes, they joined me. “Last-Born” was holding something wrapped in a piece of cloth..
Me: Uche, wetin “Last-Born” dey put inside booth?
Uche : Na the man head, we no wan waste bullet on top the pig..
Me: Oh…
“Last-Born” joined Uche in front as we drove back to Ago-iwoye..
A Uk number was calling me, it was Toun…
Me: Hello babe..
Toun: I will be coming back this weekend o..heard we will be resuming classes on Monday..
Me: Yes..
Toun: I got you a couple of things, anyhow sha…when we see…
Me: Thanks dear…see you soon!
We were in Ago before 2pm, we went straight to the house, where I closed the door and spoke to Jafar. I didn’t need words, I spoke through my heart…whenever I spoke to him like that I felt peace.
Around 6pm, I called Timi..
Me: are you home?
Timi: yes dear..
Me: can I come now?
Timi: yes you can..
Me: are you sure…I don’t want to disturb you o…
Timi: come jor, after all that has happened, you need somebody to take care of you..
Me: thank you dear.
Timi was waiting by the door when I knocked, he opened the door immediately…I fel into his arms as we hugged..
Timi: Tana, my Tana…you don’t have to worry again..
Me: thank you..
He led me to his bed where we sat close to each other. The same bed that he had deflowered me. The same bed were many of our fondest memories had taken place..
Timi: so how are you faring?
Me: It has not been easy, but God has been good.
Timi: I am glad you are so strong..
Me: Timi, you still love me?
Timi: yes, never stopped…why ask?
Me: I just wanted to know…
Timi : you are not alone. When would you leave that place you are staying..
Me: you want me to move in with you?
Timi: yes…so I can take care of you…
Me: okay!
Timi: are you serious?
Me: yes!.. Tomorrow..
He hugged me, I could still see the love in his eyes..
Timi: Jafar was a wonderful guy…
Me: yes, he was..
Timi: will you sleep here tonight…
Me: if you want me too, Jafar’s house holds too much memories…
Timi: ofcuz…I will go get you Suya Burger..
Me: Thanks darling…
Timi: you are welcome my love…
Me: why did you kill Jafar, though?
Timi looked at me like I was mad..
Timi: what do you mean?
Me: is it because you really miss my p---y?
Timi: you are not making sense dear…why will I kill Jafar?…he is a cultist…he must have had plenty people that wanted him dead…he killed Eli for christ’s sake.
Me: sorry, I just wanted to be sure…
He looked at me deeply…
Timi: you got me worried there..i suspect Eli’s people though…
Me: me too…
Timi: hmmmm, terrible..chai..
Me: I need you to explain something to me though…
Timi: what?
Me: How come you told me the DVC was missing but he was in an hotel in Irolu..
Timi: are you serious? I didn’t know that…though the guy was kidnapped..
Me: the thing is I have his phone, and you guys have been doing a lot of talking…
Timi: me? You are going crazy again..
Me: Timi, till I die I will never forget your number…I loved you so much it got stuck in my head…
Timi: ok, the truth is I knew where he was but I couldn’t tell anyone, Jafar and co where after his head..
Me: I read the messages you guys exchanged too, you were his liaison to Eli and the Cops that killed Jafar.
Timi: Tana, shut up!
Me: what I can’t understand is why did you choose to work for us, when National was you people’s candidate.
Timi: I don’t know what you are saying!
Me: Timileyin…I have all the evidence…tell me why you killed Jafar
Timi: because I loved you..
Me: what?
Timi: if Jafar hadn’t been killed, you would have been killed…I had to choose Jafar…
Me: and Abayomi too?
Timi: He should have dropped out of the race with all the kidnappings..but it was clear he was strong headed..
Me: I thought he was your good friend..
Timi: He was, but he wasn’t in the big picture. Look Tana, I really liked Abayomi, but when I was approached by the DVC, I had no choice than to play their game…
Me: How much were you given?
Timi: what?
Me: answer me Timi…
Timi: 5 million..
Me: hmmm..
Timi: baby, believe me, I did it for us..Jafar was a cultist. There was a high possibility that he would still have been killed. I wouldn’t have interfered further if Eli had killed him, but he couldn’t..
Me: do you know Eli would have raped me?
Timi: that b-----d, I told him not to touch you…
Me: so what happens now?
Timi: let’s just keep it between us..please…not a soul…delete the messages, destroy the phone..we would share the money equally…start that Fast food restaurant that we have always wanted “Tati café”..i will love you for the rest of my life…as soon as we graduate, we serve and get married!
Me: how romantic…
Timi: we belong together..
Me: Uche!..
They broke open the door…
Timi: what the fvcck!..what is happening here? Get the fvcck out of my house!
Uche and “Last-Born” stood on other sides of Timi..
Me: bye Timi..
Timi wanted to say something…but the punch by Uche’s good hand sent him crashing on the bed’s head-rest.
I stood up and went to seat on a chair that faced the bed, I remembered thos times in the past when I sat there and watched him sleep..
Uche and “Last-Born” continued raining punches on him, until he could hardly move…
Timi: Tana..pleaaaaaaaaase, I beg u…please help me beg them
Another punch broke his lips..blood splattered everywhere…
I looked at the Timi I had once loved..i felt no pity…
Timi: heeeeelp mmmmme…
I walked out of the room.
To be continued


>>

loose weight [Read it]


A fat man saw an advertisement that said,
“Lose 5kg in a week.”
.
He made a phone call and said, “I would like to join!”
The lady who responded welcomed the idea and asked him
to be ready 6am the following day.
.
The following morning, he got to the gym and was taken to
a room.
He opened the door and found a beautiful woman in only a
shirt and underpants.
She said,
“If you can catch me, you can sleep with me!”
.
The lady started running, while the man started to run
after her. But he could not catch her.
During the whole
week, he tried hard to catch her but could not.
He, however, lost 5kg in the process!
He then asked for the 10kg programme.
.
The next time, he
opened the door and found another woman clad in a bikini
who said,
“If you catch me, you can sleep with me.”
He lost 10kg that week although he did not catch the
woman.
.
So, he thought this was an awesome programme
and then requested the 25kg weight loss programme.
The lady said, “Are you sure?
.
It’s really tough!”
“Why not?”, he asked. The following day at 6am,
he opened the door expecting to see a totally naked girl.
But
he found a mad woman instead.
The mad woman said, “If I catch you, I will sleep with
you!”
That week, the man lost 40kg.
.
#hacknation


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-20 09:49:21

746 Views




I MISS YOU MUM EPISODE 3 (STORY BY DINDY)
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...
Two years later I adapted to my dad's behaviour toward me, nothing he did or said hurts me any more --I just ignored all his unnecessary talks and behaviours--, I and my little bro became closer, but he was a pain in my butt. He was so annoying sometimes, he likes eating everything I ate.
There was a day like that, my mum went out and I went to our refrigerator to grab something. When I opened it, i grabbed an apple which my dad bought from the market.
I was about to eat it, when my little bro walked up to me and said he wanted it, I was like "c'mon go away, haven't you eaten yours!?".
My dad was there when I shouted at him, so my dad took the apple from my hand and gave it to my little bro. I said "oh daddy, I haven't eaten any apple at all na".
My dad said "shut up, he is your junior brother, you should learn how to share and give him things".
In my mind I was like "no be only share, as if he gives me his food to share with him".
I walked out of the kitchen and went straight to my room to relax --my little bro could drive any one nuts--.
There came a day, when I taught my little bro a lesson that he can never forgot. It all happened this way. It was a saturday, my mum and dad went to the market to get things for me and my little bro, and my aunty went to buy tea stuff, in a super market not too far from where we leaved.
My little bro was all alone with me, I went to the parlour to watch football like I always do. I turned on the tv and the dstv, then I quickly moved to my sitting positing, where I sat comfortably with no disturbance.
My little bro came out from no where, then said "[with a childish voice] dada,dada___karton karton".
He started pointing at the tv and the dstv, I understood what he was trying to tell me, but I ignored him because I was watching my favourite football team play. --Barcelona is my best football club ever and I don't like missing their matches at all.--
He walked up to me and did the same things again, I started getting angry because he was really disturbing me from watching the sweet football, he then took the remote from my hand.
I was surprised that a 2 years old boy could have such mind, I told him to give me the remote or else I will beat him, but he didn't listen to me at all.
I got so annoyed that I lost control and gave him a slap on his hand, he dropped the dstv remote and started crying, I ignored him and continued watching the match.
My aunty came back and met my little bro crying, she asked me what happened, but I didn't answer her because I was angry and at the same time my mind was focused on the match.
She said "Neil, I know it's you that beat him, when your dad and mum comes back I will tell them".
I said to myself "If you like, tell them, it's non of my business [hissing]".
God saved me that I did not say those words out, if I could have talked back at her, she would have given me a nuclear slap that will burst my ear drums.
My mum and dad came back after an hour later, they were both tired and weak, I knew my dad would kill me and I was totally sure that not even my mum could save me, from the pain my dad was going to give me.
My aunty told my parent about what happened. I was in my room when I heard a knock.
"Oh my God, I am dead today", so i said to myself.
The door opened and the person I saw was my mum (wow I was relaxed), my mum came in and sat at the edge of my bed, then she placed her hand on my hand
She said to me "Neil my lovely son --My mum knows how to tease me so much--, i know you didn't mean to beat your junior brother, but you have to understand that he is still a kid and kids act annoyingly-funny sometimes. Always remember that you were once like your little brother and also remember that you have only one little brother, no one can replace him if he goes away forever."
After she said those words, all my angry turned to a soft cold ice cream, I started crying --my mum knows how to weaken me--, i fell on her laps and cried, she pampered me.
I later went to meet my little bro to ask him to forgive me, I know it sounds funny because how could one be asking a 2 years old kid for forgiveness, but well I did and after that, me and my little bro hugged.
Since that day til now, he respects and loves me more than ever ........To be continue..... "After that maximum control of your soul".
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
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NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Me : What’s your caste?

She : Main Marwari hun, and you?

Me : Sabse marwa ri ho, to hume bhi mauka do

*Killed*Related

Arz Kiya Hai..



Laila Ki Shadi Mey Lafda Ho Gaya



Laila Ki Shadi Mey Lafda Ho Gaya



Majnu Itna Naacha,Ki Langda Ho Gaya!! ????Related

God is watching [Read it]


Akpos and his school mate were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large bowel filled with apples.

The cook made a note, and posted on the chicken bowel,
“Take only one. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large bowel filled with fried chicken. Akpos whispered to another, “Take all you want.
God is watching the apple”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-27 07:58:48

562 Views



Bad Day [Read it]


Hmmmmm, i thought it was a dream nd i thought sum1 wil surely wake me up, i thought sum1 will tell me april fool so dat i can see my mum again, but it was not a dream neither april fool it was indeed 4 real. Today marks anoda sorrowful day 4 me. i lost my dis same day in sum years back. I will alwayz celebrate u mum. RIP MUM TILL WE MEET TO PART NO MORE


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

Jeeto: What’s the best form of birth control at my age?

Santa: Nudity.Related


::NO MIND ME OH::::
I Have Been Thinking About This All
Day..
.....Nelson Mandela Came Out From
Prison And
Became
President
....Obasanjo Came Out From Prison And
became a President
.... Burahi came out from prison and he
became a
president
.....Theodore Orji Left Prison And
Became
Governor
....Omisore Iyiola From Prison To
Senator
....Even Jerry Rawlings From Prison To
Head of
State
.... My Dear Friend, Spending Five Years
In
Prison Is Far Better Than
Spending Five Years In University
....... Even Jomo Kenyatta From Prison
To
President
......Even In The Bible, Joseph Came
Out Of
Prison And Became A Prime
Minister....You
See??
Brothers & Sisters! Please Let Me
Advice You.
Be Wise.. Just Go To Prison And
Become
Something In Life?? Forget School
Jare
!!! Don't Say I Didn't tell yhu oo
@abiol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-23 21:14:47

309 Views




Some Nigerians can be very funny. I saw
these abbreviations somewhere and it
caught my attention.
Look at them .......
NAIRA - Never Allow Igbos Rule Again
PHCN - Problem Has Changed Name HAUSA - House Animals Using Seat of
Authority
APC - Association of Past Criminals
NYSC - Now Your Struggles Continues
PDP - People Deceiving People
PHD - Pull Him Down MTN - Maintain Total Nonsense
ABACHA - After Babangida Another
Criminal Has Arrived
NEPA - Never Expect Power Always
BUHARI - Brought Unnecessary Hardship
Among Reasonable Individuals.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-19 18:05:28

338 Views




I got msg on WhatsApp: Bored lady in your city looking for some hot action.

.

..



….

…..

So I sent her my clothes that needed to be ironed!Related

Logon Ne Kaha Ki Main Sharabi Hoon,

Maine Kaha Unho Ne Ankhon Se Pilaiee Hai.

Logon Ne Kaha Ki Main Ashiq Hoon,

Maine Kaha Ashiqi Unho Ne Sikhaiee Hai.

Logon Ne Kaha Tu Shayar Dewana Hai,

Maine Kaha Unki Mohabbat Rang Laiee Hai.Related

AKPOS: I’m in big trouble!
JOHNNY: Why is that?
AKPOS: I saw a mouse in my house!
JOHNNY: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
AKPOS: I don’t have one.
JOHNNY: Well then, buy one.
AKPOS: Can’t afford one.
JOHNNY: I can give you mine if you want.
AKPOS: That sounds good.
JOHNNY: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
AKPOS: I don’t have any cheese.
JOHNNY: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
AKPOS: I don’t have oil.
JOHNNY: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
AKPOS: I don’t have bread.
JOHNNY: Then what is the mouse doing in your house!?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-03 07:48:54

210 Views




Wife: Suno Na!


Husband: Listen, I am very tense. Office Mein Problems Chal Rahi Hai. Issi Liye Baat Karne Ka Bhi Mood Nahi Hai.


Sar Bhi Dard Se Phata Ja Raha Hai. Subah Se Maine Kuchh Bhi Nahi Khaya Hai.


Wife: Hmmm!!! Achha Wo Sab Faltu Bakwaas Chhodo, Yeh Dekho, Meri Nayi Sandals!Related

Bad netwok [Read it]


GIRLFRIEND: Good morning sweetheart.

BOYFRIEND: Good morning darling. (sending failed)

GIRLFRIEND: Why don't you want to reply my message, don't you have my time?

BOYFRIEND: I have tried to reply but the network is poor! (sending failed)

GIRLFRIEND: if you don't love me; ignore my message, if you really love me; reply me.

BOYFRIEND: I Love You. (sending failed)

GIRLFRIEND: Do you love me

BOYFRIEND: I Love You Baby. (sending failed)

GIRLFRIEND: Never speak to me again!

BOYFRIEND: I Love You Sweetie (sending failed).

GIRLFRIEND: Do you want to end our relationship?

BOYFRIEND: I'm fed up of this shit!!! (message sent).


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 00:32:45

516 Views




Worldwide conversation...
KELVIN: I'm HUNGARY.
MUM: Why don't you CZECH
the fridge?
KELVIN: Ok, I'm RUSSIAN to
the kitchen!
MUM: You'll also find some
TURKEY in the fridge.
KELVIN: Yeah, but its all
covered in GREECE... Yuck!
MUM: There is NORWAY you
can eat that!
KELVIN: I know, I guess I'll
just have some CHILE.
MUM: DENMARK your name on
the can.
KELVIN: KENYA do it for me?
MUM: Ok, I'm GHANA do it!
KELVIN: Thanks, I'm so tired!
IRAN for an hour today!
MUM: It TOKYO long enough.
KELVIN: Yeah, ISRAELly hard
sometimes!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 18:36:25

309 Views



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