Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
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They can both smell it but they can’t eat it.Related

Akpos’ wife came home early and found him in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!’

Akpos replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

Akpos began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me she hadn’t eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the meat pie I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

“Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you’ve had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they’re too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

Akpos took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
‘Please … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-07 09:35:39

258 Views




A saleswoman from a major condom company was required to travel cross-country to meet a perspective buyer.

Her boss asked her to take about 100 condoms of various types with her. As she was running late for her flight, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase.

The cab ride to the airport was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to throw her ticket at the counter and run onto the plane.

As she jumped into the airplane, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and crew.

They all stared amazed at the display and then looked to the woman who said sheepishly, “I’m meeting a new client.”Related

Suhag raat mein.

BUILDER: Tere hoth Duplex jaise hain, figure Landscape Garden ki tarah hai.

WIFE: Ab Bhumi-Pujan bhi karoge ya mazdoor bulaunRelated

smart igbo man [Read it]


An Igbo man mistakenly sent
2million Naira to a wrong phone
number via Mobile Money. He
realized that before the person
would withdraw the whole
money, he had to think of what
to do if he was to get his money
back. To the person's phone
number, he immediately sent a
text: "Hello Dark and Worthy
Initiate, I hope you are okay. I
believe you’ve received the
money I sent you for the
initiation ceremony into Eternal
Mystical Order Of Glorious
Satanism in the Ogboni
Fraternity scheduled to happen
at 12 midnight tomorrow. That
money is only for transport. I
will send you more for pocket
money and there are riches
awaiting you. 2 weeks after the
initiation, the family member
closest to you will die under
mysterious circumstances and
this death will unlock your ticket
to wealth, ability to fly at night
and change into all kinds of
animals to deliver your various
assignments. Remember to
carry a syringe and needle
meant to draw your blood
every 20 minutes. Please don't
be late because the Viceroy of
Satan himself will be present to
officiate the ceremony. Thanks
in advance. But incase you are
not ready to join, please send
back the money otherwise you
will die in the next 24hrs".
3 Minutes later, he got a Mobile
Money message: 'You have
received 2million Naira for your
mobile money account'.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-05 23:29:08

468 Views




A student playing with his teacher's
intelligence asked thus:
STUDENT: Sir, can I ask a question?
TEACHER: Yes!
STUDENT: How can one put an
elephant inside the fridge?
TEACHER: I don't know.
STUDENT: It's easy, you just open
the fridge and put it in there. I have
another question!
TEACHER: Ok, ask.
STUDENT: How can one put a donkey
inside the fridge?
TEACHER: It's easy, you just open
the fridge and put it in there.
STUDENT: No sir, you just open the
fridge take out the elephant and put
it in there
TEACHER: Ooh... ok!
STUDENT: If all the animals went to
the lion's birthday party with one
animal
missing, which animal would it be?
TEACHER: The lion of course
because it would eat all the animals.
STUDENT: No sir, it's the donkey
because it's still inside the fridge.
TEACHER: Are you kidding me?
STUDENT: No sir, one more last
question.
TEACHER: Ok!
STUDENT: If there's a river of
crocodiles and you want to cross,
how would you?
TEACHER: There's no way, I would
need a ladder to cross.
STUDENT: No sir, you just swim and
cross it because all the animals went
to the lion's birthday party.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-24 13:48:28

702 Views




Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-15 15:31:43

310 Views




Wife: I am going to my Moms for 10 days. I have told my girl friend to come here and cook dinner for you. If it will get late, she can stay overnight. And yes, if you are getting bored, I have asked the my girlfriend next door to give you a porn movie CD at night. If you feel alone, she can give you company. Take the condoms from the cupboard. If you get tired, I have kept liquor in the freeze but don’t go overboard, stay in limit.
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?????????? ?? ???? ?????
????????????????Related

Guy: What type of man do u desire to marry?
Girl: My dream husband should be a man 6"5 tall, God fearing, respectful, faithful, handsome, intelligent, rich. He should bring me breakfast in bed, take me on vacation, love me for who I am and never cheat on me.
Guy: Babe, just get clay and make him yourself.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-31 13:20:47

487 Views




Either you run the day or the day runs you.

~ Jim RohnRelated

Even though i was not comfortable with her mode of dressing, i don’t want to look like a pervert and decided to indulge her because that was the first time she was entering our room aside the day i caught her with Ezekiel.
Esther: What happened Alfa, you didn’t go out today
Me: yes..am a bit strong
Esther:hey yah…pele, have you gone to the clinic?
Me: I haven’t but i took anti malaria drug and i will be fine
Esther: you better go and treat yourself and stop giving self medication
Me: Its just to see how it goes till tomorrow, if am not relief, i will definitely go to the clinic
Esther: O better…….
Me: Thanks for your concern…
Esther: What are friends for……ehn ehn Alfa, who is with your friend this time around?
Me: How will i know? You know i don’t pock nose into people’s affair and i expected you to know better..is he not your boyfriend
Esther: ehn…but you are his friend now
Me: Friend ke? You no am neither friend or enemy to any body
Esther: I hear you..i just hope that the boy wont kill himself
Me: You should safe the advice for him and not me
Esther: ehn..ehn Alfa, who is your hajia now? Have not seen anybody with you unlike Ismaeel
Me: hajia at this point in time, i don’t think i need anything like that and my religion doesn’t support it……
Esther: Is it not the same religion with ismaeel?
Me: yes it is
Esther: So, what are you telling me or you want to tell me you don’t know he has a girlfriend
Me: Yes, i know of Ebun, she is a student of Lead City University
Esther: Ebun indeed, so you want to tell me you don’t know Ismaeel is dating Angela
Me: Who is Angela?
Esther: My flat mate of course…they have been dating for more than 6 month now, though its coded dating
Me: lailai..that is impossible, i trust my brother
Esther: Sit down there Alfa, trust yourself and don’t trust anybody. You don’t do something doesn’t mean another person doesn’t indulge in such act, in fact ismaeel and Ezekiel are almost in the same league or how do you think their friendship is that strong too
“what i was hearing from esther was like a miracle as i never believed her, the way i was brought up, it was a way that we don’t believe what someone say about the other person until we confirm it and be sure. We were still discussing when NEPA restored light, in my mind, i think she will start going to her room”
Esther: Thank God NEPA has brought light, let me go and bring my charger then continue our gist
Me: “what kind of nonsense is this”….okay, no problem
She stepped out of the room and as if she used the speed of the light, she was back just within a minute or so but i heard her saying “stupid boy” on her way entering my room.
Me: who is stupid again?
Esther: who will it be if not that idiot boy called Ezekiel, he doesn’t even have any feelings at all, no iota of respect for me despite the fact that he knows that i stay in this house but he still has the gut to be bringing in girls to this house
Me: But you know initially now
Esther: Sincerely i don’t know he was a dog, i think he was responsible not knowing he is this kind of person
Me: But you also have a boyfriend now
Esther: Boyfriend sha…Alfa, abeg leave that one jare, most of the guys of nowadays are not what you take them to be inside, they always look gentle outside but inside they are something else e.g Ismaeel and Ezekiel
Me: why are you so particular about both of them
Esther: because they are the ones i know even on my palm, i can describe their character and everything….sometimes, i do wonder how you guys met each other that you start staying together because your characters are distinctively different from each other
Me: “Is Ismaeel that worse”….thieves usually know themselves and i believe that is why you were able to know them better but i don’t believe what you said about Ismaeel
Esther: You don’t believe? Don’t worry i will make you believe or is it not Ismaeel that is still begging me for my school daughter yesterday..let me even call him for you to confirm
“she picked her phone to call Ismaeel but his number was switched off, “maybe he is in one of his girlfriends house and doesn’t want a disturbance” she said. She started going through the CDs in our room
Esther: Alfa, i know you are the one that always buy all these Islamic stuffs, you guys don’t have films?
Me: There are films there now, check very well
Esther: Finally, let me watch this selection.
“she slot in a CD and started playing the film”
Me: What is the title of this one?
Esther: Crying freeman…
Me: which one do i even know sef
Esther: Ismaeel is the bad guy now and he found the perfect person in you as accomplice for fornication
Me: accomplice? Me? How?
Esther: he always use you as excuse to all his girlfriends not to come and look for him at home. They all know he stays with an Alfa who keep beards and his trouser not always touching ground. So instead of coming here, he prefer going to their place. She do bring them home once in a while when you are not at home and anytime you are home, he always use Ezekiel’s room…That is my grudge with that stupid guy, not only that he is a womanizer but he also turn his room to hotel where guys have sex with different kind of girls
Ezekiel: I heard my name..what are you guys saying about me..Yalufa, i even thought Ismaeel is the one home that is why i didn’t knock..am sorry jare
Esther: so, you came to check your crime partner if he is around
Ezekiel: Who is my crime partner?
Esther: You guys know yourselves, seems your visitor has gone because this one you are here, i don’t want problem ooo
“baby”, that is what we heard from the kitchen
Esther: they are calling you abeg
Esther pushed Ezekiel out of the room through where he came from back to the kitchen. She continue watching her film and i find a way to shift the discussion to another topic entirely, even though i was not interested in the film, she talked me into watching it as i couldn’t help but stare at her provocative cloth, i tried to put my mind off it but my eyes always glance through her, most especially her clevage.

To Be Continued

>>

All works and no play na BANK ohh!!
and here no be bank abeg read and
share this Conversation Between
AKPOS and EKAITTE
AKPORS:- Sweetheart, i’m GEJ
EKAITTE:- U’r kidding, Our president
is GEJ (Goodluck Ebele Jonathan)
AKPORS:- I mean, i’m GEJ- GOING
ON
EMERGENCY JOURNEY!
EKAITTE (Smiles):- Oh! U’re not
serious! What kind of journey are u
going on?
AKPORS:- OBJ
EKAITTE:- To meet Obsanjo?
AKPORS:- No, it means ON A
BUSSINESS JOURNEY.
EKAITTE:- Oh!
AKPORS:- Yes… IBB
EKAITTE:- Babangida?
AKPORS:- I’LL BE BACK
EKAITTE:- *smiles*
AKPORS:- Till then ACN.
EKAITTE:- U want to join Politics?
AKPORS:- I’LL ALWAYS CALL UR
NUMBER.
EKAITTE:- Hmmm…
AKPORS:- While i’m away, PDP with
love.
EKAITTE:- Whats?
AKPORS:- PLEASE DON’T PLAY WITH
OUR LOVE.
EKAITTE:- U know i won’t BRF.
AKPORS:- What has lagos state
governor, got to do with all this!?
EKAITTE (smiles):- I’LL BE
RIGHTOUS & FAITHFUL!
AKPORS:- I trust u
EKAITTE:- FOOL! AKPORS
(Screamed):- Whaaat!?
EKAITTE:- FOR OUR OVERWHELMING
LOVE!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-24 14:18:30

321 Views




episode 5
The night was like hell for me. . . having to stay awake almost half of the night with my d**k not
making matters easy for me.
Even when i managed to catch a little sleep, the kiss and the naked pictures of Amanda kept on
flashing in my dream is full HD ..
“What type of wahala have papa gotten me into, which kind winsh be this one na” I hissed
I managed to scale through in one piece as morning arrived after taking like forever.
The much desired morning arrived and i woke up in the wrong side of the bed, feeling a bit woozy and
a throbbing headache.
I dashed into my bathroom to do the morning tradition and you know normally we guys always have
early morning hard ons.
I took a piss, brushed my teeth and entered the shower.
“Good morning sky” i heard Amanda’s voice as the shower water ran down through my body.
i was sure that voice came from inside my room or somewhere very near.
I hurriedly stepped out of the shower, tied a towel around my waist and stepped out to see.
Amanda was seated on my bed, still clad in her very short but transparent nighty.
I could almost make out the aurora around her n-----s.
“Good morning ma” I greeted with a mischievous smile.
I am starting to think this girl is always doing this on purpose, i bet she enjoy teasing me and at the
same time tormenting my life with permanent erections.
Amanda asked if i slept well, to which i lied and replied the affirmative.
she then announced breakfast was ready and bundled her blissful heaven with her out of my room,
suddenly she turned sharply as she got to the door, i tilted my face to the left sharply but i was sure
she caught me being hypnotized by those backside cus an evil smile adorned her face.
“Abeg i have had enough” i cursed, i really needed to get off badly or my head might burst.
I picked my phone and sent Joy a whatsapp message.
ME: Hey babe good morning
JOY: Good morning boo, how are you?
ME: Am ok just missing u ma cup cake.
JOY: Am missing u too
ME: Can you come over to the house today, i really need to see u.
JOY: I have somewhere going ooo… but uuhm ok i will be there 11am, anything for my baby boo.
ME: hahaha thanks baby…i will be waiting…luv u
JOY: Luv you too dear .
My mood brightened all of a sudden, Joy is coming over and you know what that means.
I hurriedly made my bed, tidied my room, hid some dirty clothes that littered around.
When i was satisfied with my creativity and efficiency in tidying up a room within minutes, i rushed
down to the dinning to join Amanda at the dinning for a breakfast of fried egg and plantain, with an ear
to ear grin worn on my face selling away my happiness.
** ** ** **
“John, someone is looking for you” i heard Amanda’s voice call out to me.
I was sure it was Joy as i sprang out of bed to rush downstairs..
But wait, Amanda just called me by my real name and not Sky like she normally does, anyway no bad
shaaa.
I joined Amanda in the sitting room, she was sitting on a cushion watching Channel O, Joy was
standing against the wall like a criminal that have been cornered by the police, lol am sure she didnt
expect to see anyone like before.
Her neatly plaited hair packed the back, colourless lip gloss that she knows i like kissing.
Her boobs was bustily exposing a great deal of cleavage hugged in a tight white top with pink edgings.
Her slightly curved legs was peeled into a black leggings that you could make out her p**sy m----s if
you looked harder.
I rushed to joy, gave her a light hug, announced to Amanda that i was going up to my room which she
just shrugged and waved.
I led joy up to my room, looking back for a second to see amanda looking at us with visible contempt
on her face and obvious jealousy buttered in anger.. “whats her problem?” i queried by mind.
“Baby, who is that girl and she obviously do not like me” Joy intoned on getting to my room.
“Eeehm thats my dad’s new wife, dont worry about her abeg”
“New wife?” she exclaimed in surprise.
“eeeeeh naaa new wife, she for be old wife before?” I yapped out sharply very eager to jump into the
business of the day.
I bleeped Joy like a mad dog that day, was sure that was the first time i banged her so ferociously .
Expectedly i was thinking about amanda while i was bleeping Joy, even her moans and my name she
groaned couldnt change that.
I was sure i saw someone’s shadow lurking behind the door as i bleeped joy. . **na that person sabi
shaa wetin concern me gan**
I and joy ended up having 3 wonderful bouts of s-x leaving us exhausted but strangely even after all
that, their was this sexual tension, a sort of unsatisfaction that still was surging deep inside me but
evidently Joy cant quench that.
…To Be Continued…

Drop comments pls

>>

scammers [Read it]


Mr akpos carry him laptop started browsing on Facebook when he came across one beautiful lady he added her and the lady accepted immediately akpos was surprise and wonder wz this girl real,so he decided to test her the.. akops:helo pretty? pretty lady: helo handsome?....akpos look at him sef and the picture he post knowing he's not handsome at all but he like d compliment.. akpos:where are you from? pretty lady:am from US but now living in Nigeria...that's when akpos knew the girl is fake,now the pretty lady nah ask akpos where are you from too? akpos:am from Nigeria now living in US I guess we missed each other when our plane flew beside each other...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-23 11:21:49

321 Views




Who Can Name An Invention
That
Enables You
To See
Throug
The Wall?
Drop Your Suggestion!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-30 01:05:07

211 Views




Australia is the only continent on earth without an active volcanoRelated

husband and wife agreed that whenever they want to have sex they will call it ' phone call' so that the children won't understand. one day dad sand son to tell mum, that he went's to make a phone call mum, replies tell dad that network is busy to day; dad replies tell mum that the call is urgent. if the network is busy am going to a public phone booth: mum replies tell him that if he date goes to public phone booth, I Will open a business central and all phone calls will be free.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-05 21:44:36

251 Views



A mobile [Read it]


A woman is like a mobile phone, talks non stop, cost a fortune, disturb wen u re busy, nd wen u need dem urgently dey av no service. GUYZ is dat true?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-04 00:02:28

322 Views



Little Johnny [Read it]


Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems
when his teacher picked him to answer a question,
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and
you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like
the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there
were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one
was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone
and the third was sucking her cone, which one is
married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one
sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring
on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-15 15:12:39

403 Views




WHO REALLY OWNS A MAN? HIS MOTHER
OR WIFE?
.
ARGUMENT:
{Mother} - My son must obey me unless
he didn't suck my breasts for a year.
{Wife} - He sucks mine now and sucked it
for more than 5 years and is still sucking.
(Mother} - I carried him for nine months.
{Wife} - He was only 3.5kg then, so what's
the big deal? I do carry him every night and
he is 85kg now.
{Mother} - He passed between my legs with
pains.
{Wife} - Hahaha, he only passed there
once, he stays between my legs like
everyday and I scream with pains each
night.
Please WHO OWNS A MAN?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 18:24:33

335 Views




A Man Akpos walked into a hotel and ordered
Jollof rice and meat.
He finished eating his food and
was eating his meat when he suddenly shouted
and called for the manager.
Manager: Sir, what's the
problem?.
Akpos: The meat you people
gave me is very hard.
Manager: But sir our meats are
well cooked. There
is no way it will be hard.
Akpos: Okay. Eat it yourself and
tell me how it is.
Manager: [Eating the meat] But sir this meat is
very soft. I don't know why you
are complaining.
Akpos: Why won't it be soft? Do
you know how
long I have been chewing it?.
And he left.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-20 16:15:57

994 Views



PROMOTION [Read it]


When a conductor gets a promotion, he
becomes a Driver. When a Teacher gets a promotion, he
becomes a Headteacher. When a house girl gets a promotion,
she becomes ______________?
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-20 01:50:26

356 Views



very shy guy [Read it]


A girl started noticing a guy who stands in-front of her home everyday
in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings
and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture,
he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and
occasionally stealing a stare at her.



It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in
love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her
parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her
grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first
move.



Next day, she went to him and said: "Hi. I'm Radha."



GUY: "Hi. I'm Chris."



Hearing this, the Girl was very happy as the names were matching like Lord Chris and Radha Devi.



The girl went on and said: "I really appreciate your patience and
decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a
year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to
say it. I think I really like you too and would love it if we get
married."



The guy smiled and Said: "Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI
doesn't have a password. So, I come here every evening after work to use
free wi-fi to chat with my Girlfriend!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-24 20:37:22

474 Views




Last week there was a program going on in our
church titled "love fest"
This is a program where by, you will buy a gift, wrap
and package it, another person will buy his or her
own gift, rap and package it, then we will all gather in
the church and exchange the gifts.
So last week, I don't have much money with me and I
don't want to miss the program because, I must gain
a nice gift from someone.
So I decided to buy anything, I went and bought garri,
u know that garri use to be heavy, so I package the
garri in form of television, I bought a carton of
television, put the garri inside and support it with a
heavy stone, then i packaged it, and it gave me a
shape of television.
So when I arrived at the church, people where
dragging to seat with me because they want to
exchange their own gift with mine. (Una don die
today) I said in my mind"
Finally a girl who also brought her own gift sat near
me, her gift has the shape of a fridge, I don't know
what is inside but I believe is a nice gift. ( I don
hammer" I said in my mind)
So when it got to the time of exchanging of gifts, me
and the girl both exchanged our gifts, she smiled and
collected my own gift that contains garri and stone
but in shape of television.
I collected her own gift, it was heavy like a fridge, I
ran home quickly before the girl will change her mind.
When I got home, I lock my door and windows, very
happy that I have cheated the girl and collected her
nice gift, but I have begged God for forgiveness
because I don't have much money.
When I opened the gift, behold! I saw two bags of
sand with two heavy stones bigger than the stone I
put inside my own gift, when I opened the bag of
sand I saw a written letter, which reads:.."I saw you
yesterday when you are packaging your own garri
and stone, you think you are wise"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-22 20:30:17

267 Views




India lost test metch

Becuse

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“Pk”

Is releasing that day.

Sub ne milkar plan banaaya tha anushka

Bhabhi ki film jarur dekhegeRelated

An Imam, Rabiu Abdulquadri, has been arrested by the Ogun State Police
Command for shaving the pubic hair of a 22-year-old-girl and collecting
her nails under the pretext of preparing a favour charm for her.

The
Imam was also accused of raping the victim, Elizabeth (pseudonym), in
his house in Abule-Ojo, Obafemi Owode Local Government Area, Ogun State

PUNCH
Metro learnt that Abduquadri, popularly known as Alfa Cisse, approached
the victim, who was returning from her place of work around 8.30pm on
December 28.

The Imam was said to have stopped the victim at a roundabout in the Ofada area of the state, claiming he had a vision about her.

He was said to have ordered her to join an on-going prayer in his mosque before he could reveal the vision.

Elizabeth,
who claimed she succumbed to Alfa Cisse’s bidding unconsciously, said
he took her to his apartment after she dropped her luggage at home.

In
the night, the cleric allegedly instructed her to strip herself Unclad
and shaved strands of hair in her head, armpit and private parts, after
which he had a carnal knowledge of her.

It was also learnt that he told her to come back for a charm that would bring favour to her the following day.

When
our correspondent visited the victim on Wednesday, she said, “He and
some clerics prayed for me. In the night, he woke me up, collected my
nails, hairs and slept with me not minding my menstrual discharge. He
said he would use them to prepare a charm for me to get favour.

“I
did not realise what I was doing untill the next day when I returned
home and my sister scolded me for not sleeping at home. That was when it
occurred to me that I had been used.

“He even demanded more
hairs when I got there the following day. Since then, I have been
feeling weak and I can’t sleep in the night.”

Elizabeth’s
uncle, Mr. Oluwaseun Idowu, said he had spent a lot of money on the
victim, whose health reportedly aggravated after the encounter with the
cleric.

Idowu said he eventually located the Imam’s house after which policemen from the Owode Police Division arrested him.

PUNCH
Metro learnt that Alfa Cisse confessed to the police that he actually
took the girl’s pubic hairs, although he denied having sex with her.

The Ogun State Police Public Relations Officer, Muyiwa Adejobi, confirmed the incident.

He said, “The suspect was paraded by the state Commissioner of Police, Ikemefuna Okoye, today (Wednesday).

“He will be charged to court soon.”

Small Akpos was relaxing with his tight friend Okon, when Nkoli passed at their front and Okon said to Akpos that he love the girl so much. Ha! “This girl that has brown teeth and doesn’t even were pant” replied Akpos. “how do u know?” said Okon. Akpos now ask Okon to drop N20 if he wants to know. Okon agreed.
Akpos approached her. Hello Nkoli, how are u? can we play that our game? “Yes” replied Nkoki.
Akpos started,
Weli weli weli weliooo! – "Kwa Kwa Kwam" [Nkoki claps her hand]
Mother in the kitchen cooking food! - "Kwa Kwa Kwam"
Okon in the corner watching film! - "Kwa Kwa Kwam"
This is the end of my story. Abeg Stop!
Do like this [akpos demostrating]! “holding his waste and d girl repeats after him”
Change ur style! “showing his teeth and d girl repeats”
Another Style!! “hands up”
Do like this!! “touching her toes with his fingers while her bombom was widely open”
Be like thaaat!
Be like thaaaat!
Be like thaaaat!
Be like thaaaat!

While Okon was busy watching the real movie and Akpos was thinking of the sweet he will buy with the  N20.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-17 19:32:46

526 Views




DEFINITIONS OF WAHALA:.

¤ When the person interviewing you at your new job
is the same guy you insulted in traffic.
"Bro, u go apologise tire.!".

¤ When you abuse your friend, "your mama!!!"
and then u turn around to see his/her mum staring at you,
Egbon, u go collect plenty slap!.!".

¤ When Mosquito lands on your father's Baldhead
and u try to kill it with your bare hand.
"You must provide the proof ohh, or else...".

¤ When you update your status as "salary things" on Facebook
and your landlord "like" and comments "on point"""".
U go travel go villa by force."."

¤ When you're in a bus and you throw away your #500 naria note
instead of gala wrapper.
"Chai! E don be for you be dat!".

¤ When ur Dad works at NEPA and they take light and you shout
"NEPA na fools"....... And he's there with u.
"Na ur mama go start to pay ur school fees."

¤ When u dey on top okada and the okada man dey ping...
# Lol. Na automatic ticket to grave.

¤ When you finish eating in an eatery and u find out that your wallet fell out in a
taxi... Start to prepare ur grammar oh because you go wash plate tire...

¤ When "Usain Bolt" chases u with a Cutlass...
O boy, just stop beg am, cos ur own don finish..

¤ When u give beggar #500 note instead of #50.
My guy that na story for the gods oh.

¤ When soldier punish u finish come release u make u dey
go, u come climb ur bike come shout " officet hunder fire u"
and ur bike no come gree start again..

Chi! Guy make you faint before he reach where you dey,
because na lighting go fire you.

¤When u dey inside bus, buy 1 gala
and the seller run wit N950 change...
# Cry No go Do Am, Just take heart and leave drive alone.

¤ When you post on Facebook "My boss is an idiot" and ur boss like ur post.
"No just go worktomorrow.

#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-27 22:51:17

1936 Views



Rat and I [Read it]


When i returned from school yesterday i bought milk,groundnut and sugar to go and sip garri.when i arrived at home i prepared the garri and when i started sipping the garri a rat ran to the door of my room and it was looking at me and when i looked at it and we had eye contact and the rat shook its head and then i fainted.pls what does that rat me pls help me


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-10 22:06:45

303 Views




I was so poor growing up…if I wasn’t a boy…I’d have nothing to play with.Related

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and gives her N5000 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it is not good to walk around without any panties on." The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her.

When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church.

As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down. The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest then gives the lady N50 and says, "Take this money and for God`s Sakes, buy yourself a needle and thread to stitch your pant.  !"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-14 09:47:39

3277 Views




MY FIRST TRIP TO ABUJA AND ZARIA (STORY BY DINDY) EPISODE 2

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...

I quickly wash down, making sure that i washed away every lagos boy spirit out of my system. After I took my bath, i went to my room to gather my stuffs which I was going with.
My elder sister was ready and waiting for me to finish up. She had already taken her bath before me and was applying her make up (girl's style).
When I was done, i carried my luggage and we went to see my mum, to tell her that I was about to leave for the trip.
We met her in her room still sleeping, so we woke her up. She stood up with a sleepy eyes, but with all her brain function high and well. She held our hands and prayed for my sis and most especially me (Dindy).
We met our grandmother, who also prayed for me and blessed me with good words. My dad wasn't around that morning, he had traveled for his business and was to return in three days time.
My big brother (Ugonna) was busy teasing me alot, telling me things that I don't really care about. I knew he was going to miss me alot, but he was trying to hide it inside him. Little did he know that he was showing it off with the way he acted and behaved.
My Aunty woke up right when we were about to head out the front door, she called my name, slowing our movement.
She followed us out side the front door to the gate. She didn't miss any chance to tease me, with the help of my big bro.
We all walked until we got to the road side, where we would enter keke, which would take us to igando and from there we would enter another bus, which would take us to iyanaida.
At first, when we got to the road side, we didn't see anybody, not even a single being, so we stood and waited for a while because it was too early.
After minutes of waiting, we saw a keke driving close to us. We stopped him and i said my good byes to them.
Within 5mins, we got to igando, then we paid the keke man and went to where we would enter a bus to iyanaiba.
We entered a bus, which was not yet ready to move because it was not filled with passengers. We couldn't enter another bus because there wasn't another bus to enter.
--I don't blame the driver or conductor because it was very early in the morning and there was hardly any passenger, and that day was a sunday.--
After 30mins, the bus was filled with passengers, but our time had been brunt up by them. The driver drove fast, but not fast enough for me. To me, he was stepping on the brake pedal.
We finally got to iyanaiba, but the journey was not over. We quickly came down the bus and crossed to the other side of the road, where we would see a bus going to mile 2.
When we crossed to the other side, It didn't take us anytime to see a bus that was going to mile 2 --remember iyanaiba is always a busy place, they never sleep--.
The bus we entered, moved immediately we sat down, saving a little time for us to meet up with the time.
When we finally got to "THE YOUNG SHALL GROW" motor part, we quickly came down the bus and went to showcase my ticket. Unluckily for me, I came too late and my spot in the first bus was taken.
The second bus was were I got a spot to sit and it was at the window side --I totally love window sides--......... To be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi



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Ugly pikin [Read it]


A woman carried her baby and entered a bus and d driver said dis is d most ugliest baby i have ever seen!the woman fuming anger went to sitdown near an old woman and said mama dat driver just insulted me?the woman said let me help u hold ur monkey go and fight d man!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-12 20:56:53

356 Views




Presently in Nigeria.Who knows the name Nigerians mention most?
1-buhari
2-change
3-God
4-salary unpaid
5-jonathan
6-economic downfall(increase in goods)
7-i love you
8-music actist
9-corruption
10-strike

Please comment,so i can know your view


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-03 07:38:55

330 Views



funny village [Read it]


There is a small village in Nigeira which the villagers lack water
so much. They use to go to a far stream to fetch water.
One day, a charity organization decided to help them by
building several boreholes for them. The villagers where
all happy. Few months later, the elders and the youth
of that village decided to close down all the boreholes.
When the organization came for inspection, they noticed
that the boreholes where all locked. When they asked the elders
why, they told them that since the construction of the boreholes, their girls no longer come out early in the morning
and evening which is the only time the men have to play with them in the bush.
.
.
Abeg which village could this be?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-12 19:13:19

209 Views




NEW BLOCKED PJ’s



Boy : Whats your Name??

Girl: Palak and you

Boy: Paneer

*BLOCKED!!!*

.

Girl : Hello i am khusbu

Boy : khusbu ka dusra naam bharosa

agarbati….kone kone me khusbu faila

de

**blocked**

.

Boy:hi, wats ur name??

Girl: its Neha Singhal.

Boy: oh. . M also Single.

*blocked*

.

Girl: What’s Up?

Boy: Uttar Pradesh…

*gets blocked*

.

Girl : tu soya hai…??

Boy : Nahi…! Schezwan hu..!

*Gets Blocked Instantly*

.

Girl: I’m free tommorow!

Boy: pehle kya paid thi??

*GETS BLOCKED*

.

Boy: aaj mausam achha h mall chalte h.

Girl: waha kya karenge??

Boy: hawan karenge, hawan karenge.

*blocked*

.

Girl : see ya!

Boy: var Ram chandra ki jay..!

Blocked*

.

Girl: Have a Good Day….

Boy: No thank you… I like Parle-G

more…

*BLOCKED*

.

Girl: I need some Space.

Boy: Ok then go to Rahul Gandhi’s

forehead.

*Blocked*

.

Girl puts up her status :” waiting for

CHENNAI EXPRESS “…

Boy: COOLIE hai kya? ?

*Blocked*

.

Boy- Thank you

Girl-My pleasure

Boy- My Bajaj Pulsar

*Reported as spam*

*Blocked Forever*Related

Ebere was in her room when the knock
came.She slowly walked to the door,clenching
her teeth in pains.Her shoulder still gave her
great pains.She managed to open the door with
one hand,only to find Angela standing there.
Ebere was short of words on seeing her.She
thought Angela would never have anything to
do with her again.She was even planning to go
over to her home and apologise to her.
“I am sorryyy Angel.I am sorry”She
begged,falling at her feet.Angela felt her tear
drops on her feet.She soon saw herself
shedding tears too.
“It’s okay.Get up”Angela helped her up and
supported her into the room.
Ebere felt a great inner peace.Her joy knew no
bounds.
“I know that i am not worthy to call myself your
friend again.I dont deserve you.Inspite of all you
have been doing for me.From our school days
up till now…”
“shhhh.It’s alright.lets call everything that bit in
the night mosquitoes.Let by gones to by
gones.No matter what happens,we are friends
for life”Angela said,not even believing she was
saying that.Ebere’s unstoppable tears came
again as she fell into Angela’s arms sobbing.
A knock came on the door.Ebere told Angela
unnecessarily that it was one of her neighbours
who has been rendering help to her.
“The door is open”She said,referring to the
person at the door,expecting the expected
neighbour to come in but nobody came in.
The knock came again.
Ebere tried to get up with the pains to open the
door but Angela offered to open it.
When she did,whom she saw made her almost
loose balance as he kept staring at her.She
didn’t know how to feel at all.She stole a look at
Ebere,barring the person from looking inside
the room with her body.
“who is it?”Ebere asked.
Angela opened the door wide and stood at one
corner for Ebere to see for herself.
For some seconds,Ebere couldn’t figure out
whom it was.She stood up from the foam and
came closer.
Then,she saw him.
It was MIKE,standing there with two hands in
his pockets.
Ebere came closer to the door,to make sure her
eyes weren’t deceiving her.
For few minutes,nobody said anything.Ebere
took time staring at him from head to toe.His
appearance still speaks volumes about his
wealth.
Angela too was surprised;after all these years?
“Have you come to add salt to my injuries?
Have you come to scratch my healing wounds?
What do you want?
Just leave”Ebere produced her two hands and
pushed him,forgetting that hands would
hurt.She let out a loud cry.Her arm
ached,giving her the worst pain she ever felt
since the incident took place.
She bent down and supported the wounded
hand with the other.
Angela rushed up to her to support her.Ebere’s
push came all of a sudden.She could have
stopped her if she had seen it coming.
“Why did you do that? You shouldn’t have done
so”Angela reprimanded her.
Mike came in.He wasn’t angry by the way he
was pushed but he pitied Ebere.The way she
was crying truly showed she was passing
through great pains.’or could it be that his
presence also added to the pains?’He
thought.His spirit tempted him to touch her
hand,to give her some comfort but he held
himself for the meantime.She might do the
worse.
“What happened to you?”He asked,showing
great concern.
“It’s none of your business! Just leave!”Ebere
barked,pointing at the door for him.
“Baby!Keep quiet!Just keep quiet.I guess you
don’t know what you are doing”Angela hushed
her and turned to Mike,”I’m sorry mike.She’s
just going through a hard time”
Mike nodded.
“Baby why don’t you hear me out first?”Mike
said,rather asked,looking at Ebere’s eyes
pleadingly.
Ebere hissed and took her eyes off him.
“Baby.you must listen to him”Angela said.
Mike went down on his kneels,keeping his pride
aside,to the astonishment of the Angela and
even Ebere,though she concealed it.Getting
Ebere back was the only thing on his mind.The
only mission he has to accomplish.
“Baby i am sorry.I have come to realise that you
are my missing rib.I am incomplete without
you.Ever since i left you,i have been to hell and
i’m back.I realised that you are like a file in my
heart that can never be erased.I hope there is
still a place for me in your heart.Please
Baby…forgive me and accept me back into your
life..I know i broke your heart and left you with
great pains…..”He paused and reached for his
handky.He wouldn’t dare cry in front them for
the man that he was but a drop of tear which
tricked down from his eyes had betrayed him.
Ebere looked away,crying her heart out at the
inside.
Angela who couldn’t stand it,went up to
him,helping him get on his feet.
“It’s okay.Just stop….please”She urged him.
“It’s been four years Mike.Four years.Just few
days to our wedding,you broke up with
me.Tearing me apart emotionally.I fell sick
Mike.Yes,I almost ran mad.why..why?”Ebere
wept.
Mike found the courage to come closer to
her.He held her,drying her tears with his own
cloth.
“I am so sorry.I will never do that again”Mike
kissed her forehead,gently drawing her to
himself.Oh how soft it still was;that softness
that gave him relief whenever he felt it.
Angela smiled and winked at Ebere,who showed
a little happiness.
“We are going to arrange for our marriage
without wasting anytime”Tony whispered to
Ebere.She smiled and nodded.Overwhelmed
with the sudden joy that filled her in.She still
found it hard to believe this was
happening.After all this years.
Mike searched for her lips,kissing them
warmly,trying to ease her pains.After
sometime,he stopped.Ebere wished he didn’t
stop because its really been a long time he got
such a true kiss from some who truly loves her.
Angela clapped in ecstacy,smiling happily.
“Wow wow wow. I am so happy Baby.I cant
wait”Angela rushed her words and embraced
both of them together.
—–
“The police is not releasing the girl in question
because of anything else if not for the fact that
the person who brought up the report has
explained to us that everything was a
mistake.Not because you are my friend.We
fined her enermously,though we are still going
to investigate further.We are releasing her but if
we later find out she was responsible,the law
would not hesitate to take action”The inspector
of police told Mr.uwa
“I know that too well.The law doesn’t
understand friendship.Thank you very much”Mr
uwa shook hands with him.

To Be continued

This story will end next tomorrow but if i get 40 unique comments i will finish it tomorrow.
I know it wont cost you anything to drop a comment. If you don't know what to say just say 'Hi'
or you can use the smiles. Thank you


>>

Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

An angry wife (Ekaitte) 2 her
husband
(Akpors) on phone.
Ekaitte: Where the hell are
you? ...
... Akpors: Honey, u remember
dat gold shop
where u saw the diamond
necklace & totally
fell in luv wit it?
Ekaitte (relaxed): Yes, my king
Akpors: Remember I had no
cash 2 buy it 4 u
dat day & I said I will buy it 4 u
one day?
Ekaitte (totally relaxed with a
smile & a blush):
Yes I remember my love!
Akpors: Good, I am in a beer
palour next to
that shop!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-24 09:20:39

167 Views




“I`ve had it with my wife.” said the one drinking buddy to the other. “I`m filing for an divorce.”


“Sorry to hear that pal, may I ask why?” asked his partner.
“I found her supply of birth control pills,” said the first.


“Listen Frank, with all due respect to your religion, I just can`t see leaving your wife for what the Church says is a sin.”


“It ain`t just that,” stormed Frank. “I had a vasectomy over five years ago.”Related
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