Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


“What’s going on here?” a familiar voice questioned.

The laughter ceased.

Purity stole a glance at the intruder. She’d seen that face before. It was the same woman who had created a scene at her office. What was she doing here? “Who are you?” she demanded.

“I am you!” Tricia fired at Purity.

“What the hell does she mean by that?” Purity asked Jeremy.

“It cant be,” Jeremy muttered. “Tricia don’t-”

“Don’t what?” she interrupted, pointing a gun at Purity. “Hell, I’m gonna shoot her!”

A ton of police officers pulled out their weapons and pointed at Tricia Cayson. They did not mind the fact that she was the daughter of a cop. She was breaking the law and needed to be reprimanded.

“Don’t shoot!” David warned. “I’ll talk to her.” He watched them drop their guns. Sighing, he moved towards his daughter. “Tricia,” he whispered.

“Don’t you call me that!” she yelled. “I am Purity. Purity Theodore. This slut standing right here isn’t Purity. She’s a gold digger that needs to be dealt with. She doesn’t deserve to answer ‘Purity.’ She isn’t pure. She deserves to die! I alone will be Purity.” Tricia ranted, sending Purity murderous looks.

“You can’t be someone else,” David rebuked.

“Yes, I can and will be,” she insisted. “That’s why I’ve got to finish her off.”

“What do you want?” David asked.

“To be her.”

David exhaled. “Purity,” he couldn’t believe he’d call his daughter that. It really made him sad. “You are Purity Theodore. Tricia Cayson does not exist.”

Tricia turned to her father and had the gun pointed at him. “You called me that,” she mumbled.

Purity heaved a sigh of relief. The gun wasn’t pointed at her anymore. She was curious and watched the unfolding drama.

“My ex,” Jeremy whispered.

“Oh.” Purity smiled in a silly way. His ex was still crazy about him and wanted to be her at all cost. Men were still going nuts over her. They were a special couple indeed. She clutched to Jeremy. There was no way she was ever gonna leave him.

The scene continued.

David’s idea had worked out. He called his daughter a name he did not give her. The gun was pointed at him and she was already weak. He felt it. He continued, taking advantage of that, “Jeremy Broderick is your fiance, right?”

Tricia’s lips quivered. She knew it was a lie. It wasn’t true. She couldn’t say so. She had to lie. And live by the lie. The way she’d always imagined. “Yes,” she blurted out. “I am. She’s tryna steal him away from me. She doesn’t want my happiness,” she lamented.

He took a step forward, “I’m your father, I always want you happy.”

“Then get me Jeremy!” she yelled.

There was a smile on his face, “As long as you put that gun down.”

“I can’t,” she whispered.

“Trust me,” David assured her.

He took slow steps, gradually getting to her. He exhaled sharply, “Nice and steady.”

Tricia thought someone finally understood her. Finally! She’d have what she always wanted – to be with Jeremy. Now, she’d be Purity and Jeremy would love her more than he loved that witch. Her dad could get Jeremy to do anything. He was a cop and Jeremy could get married to her on gun point. “I do trust you,” she breathed out, putting the gun down. There was no reason to hold it anymore.

“Good,” David said, taking the gun away from her. His heart was heavy. He really had to do this. Swiftly, he grabbed hold of her hands, placing them at her back.

She struggled to be free. “What the-”

David didn’t let her complete her statement. He handcuffed her. It was the right thing to do. She’d become a criminal and had to face the law. But before that, she needed to be taken elsehwhere.

“You betrayed me!” she accused, pain in her eyes.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he apologised. “You also betrayed me. We’re taking you out.” He signaled some cops to put her at the back seat of a police car.

“I hate you! My father doesn’t love me! You slut, I’ll be back for you-”

She was forced into a car and locked in. Her rantings continued in there.

“Jeremy, Purity,” David said, “Forgive my daughter. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. We’re taking her to a mental institution. An assylum. She’s completely out of her mind.”

“We’re sorry about that, too,” Jeremy sadly expressed. He could understand David’s feeling.

“Thanks.We’re off,”David finally said and walked away.
“I can’t belive that just happened,” Purity said in a state of confusion. “I nver knew it’d get to this.”she paused and smiled,”As if I had known.”
Jeremy watched her with a smile on as she expressed her feelings. Great!He felt alive again.He’d so much longed to see her pretty face,feel her skin,her touch,hear her rant.Thank goodness he finally found her.Who could have known he’d ever fall in love,especially with his enemy?
“When she pointed the gun at me. I was really scared.All I felt during my stay with ErnestandJayden returned to me.But it wasn’t that overwhelming,it was different.”
“How?”he asked.
She had a big grin.”You were right beside me!”
Jeremy winked at her.Drawing her closer,he ruffled her hair.”ILoveYou,Purity Theodore.”
A beautiful smile appeared on her face as she heard Jeremy profess his love for her.She felt her heart lurch with excitement,her tummy;butterflies danced in it.This was what she’d wanted to hear and the words finally found their way into her ears.Words were not enough to describe the pleasurable feelings surging through her.Unable to withhold her excitement,she raised her toes on the tip.”Guess what I wanna do,”she cooed,leaning on Jeremy.
He gripped her waist firmly.”You tell me.”
Purity slowly pushed her head forward.Wrapping her arms around Jeremy’s neck,she reached for a kiss.
Understanding what her aim was,Jeremy bent his head and covered her lips with his.
*
“What do you wanna do?” Jeremy inquired,grasping Purity’s hand softly.
She blushed.”I don’t wanna do anything.Justwanna be with you.”
“Come here,”Jeremy pulled her for an embrace.Having her that close,he felt electrified within himself.”Do you know how my life was within these days you disappeared?”
“Let me guess.Horrible,”she giggled.
“Not just horrible.I was terrified thinkingI’d never see you for the rest of my life.If things had gone worse,I’d have never for-”
“Darling,”Purity cut in,”You shouldn’t worry about all that.I’m right here,by your side.”
“Right.Come on,I wanna see your parents and my father.”
“Before that,I want something else.”
“What?”a glint of happiness was in his eyes.
“I love you,Jeremy.”she admitted, feeling shy all of a sudden.Staring at her fingers,she linked them together,twisting them.
Jeremy smiled,then chuckled. Those words warmed his heart and got him all excited.”Baby,”
She slowly lifted her head up.
“Do you know what that word means?”
“Gosh!Jeremy,”Purity feigned anger.”I know what it means. Love is love.To love a person. Uh-”
“Are you ready for that?”
“I am.”she couldn’t understand his questions.”What about you?Are you ready?”
Jeremy flashed a smile.”You are no more scared?Afraid to love?”
She nodded,smiling.”Yeah. After all I’ve been through,I figured out something.That is,I want to spend the good and bad times with loved ones and family.Don’t want to hold any of these good feelings in.I want to be happy and being with you makes me happy.I deserve to be happy.”
“And you’re completely happy with me.”
“Yup.”
“My princess, lets go get married.”
*
Purity took a deep breath as she took an unsteady step out of the bathroom.She took the next,then she was walking into the bedroom. A feeling of shyness hit her. She was simply wearing a lingerie. It was blue,perfectly fitting her.It complimented her unique feminine shape,showing off all her features. Her hair was damp with water.
As she walked further, she felt nervous.Her heartbeat increased. She was about to do a thing she had never done before.She was excited and nervous as well.It wasn’t a bad thing.Its meant for only married couples and now she was one.And ready.
Soon enough,a large king-sized bed appeared,Jeremy was on it.He was not fully dressed as she was.Laying her eyes on him brought her to a halt.
Jeremy saw his love, playing with her fingers. He understood what she felt.He couldn’t even stop staring at her.She was so pretty and sexy in that lovely underwear.Wow!
“Mrs Broderick,” he called out softly. “Come on.”
Purity took another deep breath and trudged forward,she got to Jeremy.
“You’re elegant,my wife.” He was excited.
“Thank you,”she answered shyly.
“What’s wrong?” he asked,concerned.
“Nothing… I…um,” she stuttered off.
“You wanna back out?”he teased.
“No.”
“Thats good.’Cause I wouldn’t even let that happen.”He pulled her closer,”I’d teach you everything you need to know.Its something I’ve always wanted to do.”
Purity’s eyes widened.”You do? Since when?”
“When you stepped out of that bathroom, swaying your hips,seducing me.”
She laughed shyly.”You’re kidding.”
“Do you wanna talk more?”
With the peaceful and romantic setting at hand,Purity thought it wasn’t proper to talk.It was to do something.”I don’t think so.”
“Where do we begin, my love?”he asked,placing a kiss on her left hand.
She was beginning to shudder,the feeling was different,she’d never felt it before.”A Kiss?”she wasn’t sure.
“Ask for it.”

She smiled, the best ever, “Kiss me,” she asked, shamelessly.

Jeremy smiled at her. Kiss her and he did, laying her on the bed. “i love you, Purity Broderick.”

“I feel the same way,” she replied, between moans.

THE END!!!!


As written by Patience Ewoma

Thank you all for your time and patients

Tell us one thing you learnt from this story.

The only way you can appreciate me is buy making sure you leave a comment before you go



I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 20:18:50

334 Views




In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.


At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he’d done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.


“Congratulations,” the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. “You did superbly under cross-examination.”


“Thanks,” he said, “but he sure had me worried.”


“How’s that?” the lawyer asked.


“I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!”Related

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.

-Jean-Jacques RousseauRelated

In my shoes [Read it]


A teacher was testing her students' intelligent level...
"I saw a snake on my way home. Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher.
JAMES: I will look for stick and kill it!
"That's smart of you James." says the teacher.
"Robbers attacked me in my car and said, ''Your car keys or your life! Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher again.
JOY: I will give them the car keys and run for my life. Once there is life, there is hope.
"Wow! That's so wise of you Joy." says the teacher.
"I returned from work, opened my door and saw 50 million dollars on my bed. Assuming you were in my shoes, what will you do?" asks the teacher.
AKPOS: I will bite your toes until you faint. I will then come out from your shoes and take all the money!
TEACHER: Fool! You can't literally be inside my shoes. It's a figure of speech.
AKPOS: You can't literally open your door and see 50 million dollars on your bed. That's a figure of speech.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-22 18:22:33

615 Views



What is Gobe? [Read it]


What is GOBE?
GOBE is when u give a beautiful girl a lift and
she faints in your car. You take her to the
hospital and when you get there, the doctor
says she's pregnant and congratulates you
that you are
going to be father very soon. You then shout
that you are not the father and the girl says
you are
the father....
Things are now getting GOBEFUL.
You require a DNA test to prove you are not
the father...
Things are now getting GOBESTIC when the
doctor comes with the result saying you can
not be a father because you are infertile..
You are relieved, but on your way home you
remember you are married with three kids at
home!...
Now you are extremely GOBECIOUS.
Now, you begin to ask yourself who is the
father
of those kids... You get home to find out that
the gateman is their real father. You are now
GOBEDED.....
Happy last Wednesday of the Year


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-30 08:51:50

363 Views




Can't stop laughing...
*Na only for Nigeria you
go see fish inside
"MEAT PIE"..
*Na only for Nigeria we
dey count money after
we withdraw am from
ATM because we no
even trust ATM
machines.
*Na only for Nigeria
PHCN dey say:-Win a
brand new GENERATOR
if you pay your NEPA
bill...
*Na only for Naija
people dey horn for
traffic light make e
quick change from Red
to Green...
*Na only for Nigeria
Pharmacy dey sell Coke,
Recharge Card, Chin
chin,Puff puff and beer,
Wetin you no see for
Naija, you no fit see am
anywhere in d world...
*Trust me. Na only 4
naija you go find a
graduate of mechanical
engineering dey do him
NYSC 4 Police station.
*Na only 4 naija you go
see one person dey use
Bold5, X3, Ipad2 and
Nokia N8 all at once
while his mother dey
sale akara and bread for
jungle.
*Na only 4 naija you go
see a graduate of law
dey work as generator
repairer.
*Na 4 only Naija, you go
see mad man dey
control traffic, people
wey their head correct
dey obey...
*Na 4 only Naija, wey
you go see the
president senior the
country himself.
*Na 4 only Naija, you go
see native doctor dey
use laptop connected
with MTN modem.
Maybe they are now
consulting the spirits
online..
*Na only for naija u go
see a man selling a book
from street to street
dat says HOW TO MAKE
MONEY WITHOUT
STRESS. I wonder why
him no read d book. I
salute una Nigerians....
Naija no dey carry last..
Na only 4 Naija u go see person read this my joke finish without commenting.lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-28 05:02:39

1284 Views




[Court]
Accused: Main jo bhi kahunga sach kahunga,sach ke siwaye kuch nahi kahunga.

Judge: Go on.

Accused: Sach.

Judge: Aap baizzat bari ho.Related

[4:05 PM]: Naija no dey carry last ANGELS:Father! We are tired of these Nigerians in Heaven. GOD: What have they done this time? ANGEL: Everything! They don’t listen to instructions, they don’t obey traffic rules, they don’t wait for their turn in anything, they are completely reckless! (Exasperated) In fact they have made heaven a living hell since they got here. GOD:Then we better send them to hell! (Calls the Devil) Hello… SATAN: Hello my creator and master, please call me later. There’s an issue I’m trying to resolve. Ten (10) minutes later: GOD: Hello Lucifer. SATAN: Your Lordship, my father! I’ll call you back. The issue on ground has turned into a crisis ooo! An hour later: SATAN: Hello? GOD: What is happening over there? SATAN: It is the Nigerians I have with me in hell oooo! (He stammers),they… they… they have quenched the fire in hell and installed air conditioners! ??????


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-16 00:26:52

802 Views




Who had a double role in the movie ‘Sholay’?

.

..



King George – he is on both side of the coin!Related

My mind kept capturing Timi’s face
though I tried shutting it down, I had
to focus on the meeting. Abayomi
ordered for more drinks but I wasn’t
interested. He even teased me with
asun, it didn’t work.
It was Uche’s time to talk; I
wondered what someone like him
would want from us. I also didn’t
like the fact that Abayomi wanted to
make a deal with people like him.
Uche: We will support the campaign,
make it hitch free, protect you the
candidates..wetin we want dey small
compared to what we are giving in
return.
I liked the way he switched from
pidgin to English without breaking a
sweat..nice..
Me: and what do you want oga bros..
He didn’t laugh, mumu boy..
Uche: not me, I am here with respect
to a client..
Me: like you are working for
someone, a student or who?
Uche: he rather not disclose his
identity now.
Me: we can’t work with shadowy
individuals.
Abayomi kicked me with his legs
beneath the table
Abayomi: what does you client want?
Uche: he wants all the video gaming
rights in mini-campus, he wants all
the compact-disc selling rights in
mini-campus, he also wants to open
a restaurant.
Me: he doesn’t want lecture halls
too?
Nobody laughed, nobody got the
joke…
Abayomi: your client doesn’t want
any of his businesses in the main-
campus? That place is more
lucrative. Instead of the monopoly, it
will be easier for us to allow him
have some in the mini and main-
campus. What if we have a difficult
senate that doesn’t approve?
Uche: he is also ready to offer you
1.4million naira
I saw the greed in Abayomi’s eyes…
Abayomi: who is he?
Uche: I can’t say for now, dat one no
necessary
Me: we can’t assure an unknown
person that we will give him all the
rights, million or no million. What if
we are dealing with a devil?
Uche: why don’t you think about it,
Abayomi, you get my number abi?,
call me na.
Without further ado, the meeting
finished.
Uche stood up and was about living
when kofo stood up.
Kofo: Uche, are you passing by
olopomerin?
Uche: yes
Kofo: you have a car right?
Uche: yes..
Kofo: can you drop me off at home?
Uche: sure
I had to give it to kofo, she played it
well. She got back at Abayomi for
leaving her hanging out to dry. That
car thingy too was deep, Abayomi
was carless.
Abayomi tried focusing on his Star
lager, but I could see he wasn’t
enjoying it.
Me: Abayomi, oya come and stop
taxi for me lemme go home.
He hissed at me and kept looking at
Uche and kofo’s direction. Uche
turned back almost immediately and
looked at us with a wicked smile on
his face. Just as they got to his car,
he gave Kofo’s bums a soft pat she
didn’t seem to mind.
Abayomi: I don’t think we should
accept this Uche’s client’s offer
Me: looooool..because he is taking
kofo home?
Abayomi: you dey mad
Me: Ab, free kofo..lets talk about
Timi, you know I can’t work with him
Abayomi: its too late sis, I already
texted him and he replied, he said
he is interested.
Me: you couldn’t wait for both of us
to discuss
Abayomi: 600,000 naira baby, I know
your father can give us
Me: ode..i hope Uche fucks kofo’s
lungs out tonigt
Abayomi: wetin concern me.
Me: no be your chic?
Abayomi: your friend Toun is my
chic, for your information I am
sleeping in her house tonight.
Me: nope you will sleep alone..
Abayomi: you trust dis your witch-
craft o, na you go sleep alone,
better go beg Acho…
Me:..lol..you go see na..
I picked my phone and dialed a
number
Me: Toun…are you home, I broke up
with Acho…I need your support. I
am heartbroken.
After receiving sympathy from her,
she hung up..
Abayomi’s phone rang..
Abayomi: baby what’s up…..
…..baby are you serious?
……baby she is not heartbroken, she
is drinking Gordon spark here,
flexing…
…..baby na…I need you tonight…
……Toun don’t do…
Toun hung up.
He looked at me and swore plenty in
Yoruba.
Me: I guess you are sleeping alone?
Abayomi: demonic girl
Me: heheheheheheehehehe
Toun: I am so sorry about Acho, so
that guy cheated on you?
Those were the first words she said I
as entered her room. In as much as I
wasn’t heartbroken, I wanted to talk
to somebody about Timi. Toun like
Abayomi had been friends with me
since I was at 100L, they knew how it
started, they also knew how it
stopped happening.
I was sitting in class when noticed a
boy was staring at me. I tried
ignoring him but he didn’t stop, it
seemed he was looking for my
attention. I decided to steal bolder
glances at the stranger. Whenever he
caught my eyes, he blew kisses. After
a while I started laughing, he was
laughing too. Though I must admit
that he looked easy in the eyes and
Timi was fine mehnnnn. He had
baby-like features. His afro was black
and his shirt, chinos pants and
loafers looked smooth. Suddenly
students started moving to their sits,
signaling the arrival of a lecturer.
Lecturer: Timi! What are you doing
here, aint you an economics
student?
Timi: mummy oh! I was missing you,
that your sweet smile…I had to
follow you from main campus to
mini-campus.
He screamed back at her, she
laughed so also most of the students
in the auditorium. She evicted him
from the class, I noticed a couple of
girls winking at him as he walked
out. He blew me one last kiss when
he noticed I was still looking at him.
Toun was sitting beside me and was
very excited
Toun: that boy is fine o, babe don’t
dull o..
Me: I don’t like fine boys, they have
too much wahala.
Toun: commot dere, you dey fear
heartbreak.
I am not sure I heard anything the
lecturer said, the boy with the
blowing kisses kept clouding my
mind. After lectures as I strolled out
with Toun, I saw him standing at the
corridor. Fine as a button! The boy
had been waiting for me. I felt good.
Timi: Fine girl, how was lectures?
Toun left me without as much as
excuse me.
Me: fine
Timi: I am Timi by the way..
Me: hello Timi by the way
He laughed so loud, his voice, his
dimples… were beautiful
Timi: what’s your name?
Me: Tana
By this time he was beside me,
looking at me like he was searching
for something. I liked the perfume
he wore, and the way he licked his
red lips when he spoke.
Timi: Oluwatana can I buy you
lunch?
Me: I am Igbo
Timi: Tanachukwu can I buy you
lunch?
I laughed, I was defenseless…my
brain said “play hard to get”….
Me: No problem…
He took my hand and led me to the
cafeteria like we didn’t just meet me
some moments ago. After a while, I
couldn’t stop myself from holding
him too, first gently….then
firmly….we fit effortlessly. I enjoyed
the glances people threw at us. he
didn’t need to ask me out, I believe
we started dating during that walk to
the cafeteria.

Should i continue?


>>

Optimism and stupidity are nearly synonymous.

~ Hyman G. RickoverRelated

An old woman boarded a bus to Lagos from
Calabar and told
the driver, "driver, if you reach Benin tell me o!
The
driver
nodded and then she
shouted again "my children, una hear wetin I tell
am?
Everybody responded ''Yes, mama".
On the long journey to Lagos, everybody slept off
and forgot
about Mama's request.
After several hours of driving and then close to
Lagos, with
Benin about 4hours behind, the old woman asked,
"
driver, you
never reach Benin?" "Ooooh!" the driver exclaimed,
"Mama
Benin, is like 4 hours behind us". "Ah!", the
woman
shouted
and started crying, "take me back to Benin, abeg I
no wan
wahala o!"
Considering the age of the woman, the
passengers
agreed that
the driver should turn back to Benin. On getting
to
Benin, the
driver came down, opened the door and told the
woman she
was in Benin. The woman simply opened her hand
bag,
brought out 2 tablets of Panadol and swallowed
them with
water. She then smiled and said, " Thank you my
son. Na my
daughter say when I reach Benin make I take 2
tablets of
Panadol. I don take am. Oya make we dey go
Lagos..."
If you dey inside the bus, wetin you go do or talk?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 00:57:31

742 Views




“Objection my lord, the Barrister is using foul words in
the court. “Objection sustained” Justice Okoro shouted. Barrister,
vulgar words are not allowed in this court. “I guess all am trying to say is, even if my client truly
said what Fidelis has accused him of, then he probably
said it under the influence of alcohol. But there is a
difference of seven hours between past 3 and past 10.
So am sure the alcohol must have cleared from my
client’s face even before his wife came back so he wouldn’t carry out an action he had said when still
under the influence of alcohol. I rest my case” Barrister
clement concluded.
+++++++++
10:45PM 11th AUGUST 2013 The sound of siren blaring in the atmosphere would
give you the impression that the president of the
federal republic of nigeria was passing, but why would
the president pass through a slum?
Neighbours had gathered to catch a glimpse of the ‘VIP’
that was disturbing their peaceful night rest. They were shocked to see an ambulance and a police van parked in
front of Mr. Jacobs house. Mr. Jacobs was a peace lover who was known by all and
sundry. He was one of the few men who had
courageously stood up and volunteered himself to fight
against the incessant armed robbery attacks in the
area.
The neighbours couldn’t go close to the area for fear of police but some few people were saying that armed
robbers had attacked the family and shot someone.
It was only when they saw Mr.Jacobs coming out with
handcuffs that they knew it was more than an
armedrobbery attack.
He was bundled into the police van while a body carried on a stretcher was dropped inside the ambulance. It
was covered with a white linen.
The Police van drove away while the Ambulance drove
away via a seperate route. A small car followed the
ambulance.
*************
“Dr. Amos, please come to the dock” Barrister clement
called out.
A smart looking young man walked to the dock. “How are you feeling Dr. Amos?” Barrister clement
asked. “Like never before” he replied. “Great! So you were the head of the medical team that
went to the house of Mr. Jacobs that day. Anything you
would want the court to hear?” Barrister clement asked. “As you must have heared, the ambulance conveying
the corpse was involved in a ghastly accident and it
caught fire. Before then however, i was able to remove
the bullet from the patient’s body” Dr. Amos explained. “Oh!! That reminds me” Barrister clement said and
walked to his bag. He brought out a transparent
polyethene bag.
“Inside this leather bag is the bullet that hit Mrs. Grace.
See, i’m not a millitary personnel so i took this bullet to
the soldier base and i was told that this is a Soviet 5.45x39mm millitary grade bullet. The question is,
where would an odinary vigilante get this kind of
bullet? Although am sure a soldier officer has access to
such bullets” he paused a little bit for his information to
pierce the heart of his listeners. “Any other thing you would want this court to hear?” he
asked Doctor Amos. “yes, one more thing. When i was examining the victim,
i discovered the bullet pierced her at the side of her
abdomen. I dont know if that will help” “Sure,it will help alot” Barrister clement said and turned
to face the court.
According to Mr.paul, the deceased was facing her
husband who was pointing a gun at his wife while he
walked in through the door. He was at the left hand
side of Mrs. Grace and the right hand side of Mr. Jacobs. Again, i am not a millitary personnel but i dont know of
any bullet that can carry out a parabolic kind of motion.
If my client truly shot the gun, the bullet would have
pierced the deceased at the Front and not on the side. I
rest my case” he smiled and went back to his seat. “Would you like to cross-examine the witness?” Justice
Okoro asked. “Yes, your honour” Barrister briggs answered and stood
up. He was with a picture. “Dr. Amos, please look carefully at this picture, are your
the one in this picture?” Barrister briggs asked.
Dr. Amos took a brief look at the picture. It was his
graduation party. He snapped with Barrister clement
and Mr. Jacobs. They all graduated from the same
university. “yes am the one” Dr. Amos replied. “So you are friends with Mr. Jacobs?” “Yes” Dr. Amos replied.
Barrister Briggs then turned and faced the court.
“As a boy growing up, i knew how friendship could be. I
could do anything for my friends. How are we sure that
Dr. Amos here is not trying to save his friend?” “It is unethical, i can never do such” Dr. Amos cut in. “But is there a possibility that someone can do such a
thing?” Barrister Briggs asked. “Someone, but definitely not me” Dr. Amos replied. “My lord, Dr. Amos just admitted that it is possible for
someone to lie just to cover up his friend’s act. I hereby
rest my case” he said. Justice Okoro looked at his wristwatch, the court session
was already taking longer than he had expected. He
decided he was going to adjourn the case after the next
witness.
“anyother witness? He asked. “Yes your honour” barrister clement shouted.
My last witness is Mrs. Grace Jacobs, please come out”. The wh0l£ court was shocked. Can a ghost testify?
Barrister clement just looked at Barrister Briggs and
smiled mischievously.
++++++++++
11:00PM, 11Th AUGUST 2013 The Ambulance was travelling at a ‘break neck’ speed
that Dr.Amos who was in the other car was finding it
difficult to follow them.
“what’s wrong with this driver sef” Dr.Amos said to
himself and picked up his phone.
“Adamu, whats wrong with you? Reduce your speed” he spoke to the person on the other end. “Doctor the patient just sneezed, she is still alive” the
driver informed Dr. Amos.
Dr. Amos was shocked. He was personally at the Jacobs
house when the patient died.
“Adamu what are you talking about, the patient already
gave up” The next thing Dr. Amos heard from the other end was
Jesus! Jesus!! Jesus!!! He raised up his head and saw that
the ambulance was just involved in an accident.
The driver of the ambulance was so engrossed in the
call he was making with Dr. Amos that he didn’t notice
he was about entering a ‘T-junction’. A toyota Tundra 2013 model was also aproaching the junction with
nitro speed. Before Adamu, the driver of the ambulance
could do anything, the Tundra hit him so hard from the
side. The ambulance swayed away from the road, its
tyres were not able to hold fast to the coal tar.
The force of the collision, coupled with the bad road made the ambulance to somersault and in the process,
the back door opened and grace’s body fell to the
ground. Dr. Amos quickly applied his brake and his car came to a
hault. He came out and ran to check the ambulance for
survivors.
He saw grace lying on the ground. He picked her up and
took her to his car. She was calling out weakly
“Jacobs…Jacobs..Jacobs” After dropping her in his car, Dr. Amos wanted to go
back to the ambulance when he heard an explosion.
The ambulance went up in flames. The smoke was so
thick one would think it’s an evil spirit hovering over
the Ambulance.
The tundra also had its fair share of damage and Dr.Amos was in a state of dilemma, whether to check
the tundra for survivors or take grace home for medical
attention. He opted for the later, he took grace to his
house but not before calling his hospital to inform
them of the accident. It was at Dr. Amos home that grace was treated without
the knowlege of anybody.
+++++++
Somewhere around the neighborhood of the court,
there was a 6 story building. It was the building of
‘Gmax group of companies’.
On the roof of the building stood a young man, he was
wearing a khaki and a black hood. His phone rang and
he picked it. “Agent white, the operation parameter has changed,
new target is Grace Jacobs” a voice spoke from the
other end. “Grace Jacobs? I thought she was dead?” agent white
asked. “Thats what they made us believe, but right now she is
about to testify. Agent white brought out his binoculars and viewed the
court building.
“i see her” he said. “make sure she doesn’t testify. If she does then our
man would go to prison” the voice said. “Trust me, she is going back to the land of the dead”
agent white said. He touched his sniper and smiled
“come on baby, we have work to do” he said.
*************
Grace walked to the front slowly. Some people were
even making way for her, nobody wanted to touch a
ghost. She looked at the Judge, unlike others, he wasn’t
shocked. He had seen more suprises. She looked at her
father, she couldn’t read his mind. She walked into the
witness box and Barrister clement came forward to question her. Meanwhile, at the roof of ‘Gmax group of companies,
agent white’s phone rang and he picked it up.
“Whats wrong with you, she is almost testifying” a
voice shouted. “I dont have a clear view, someone is in my line of
sight” agent white replied. “I dont care, shoot the im’becile” the voice shouted
back and the line went dead. ***************
“How are you doing?” Barrister clement asked Mrs.
Grace. She held back tears and she spoke
“I’m fine” “what really happened to you?” Tuuuuaaaaaaah!!! The sniper was shot.
Everybody scampered to safety. “someone has just been shot! Call the paramedics” A
police officer at the premises shouted




>>

Obinna dropped his wet shirt back into the bucket. Rubbing his hands on his knickers, he ran into the house.

The noise was coming from Room Four. Ore’s room.

He put his ear to the door. Ore and her visitor were arguing in raised voices.

He tried to listen, tried to understand what they were arguing about, but there was just so much Yoruba going on.

He finally decided to think that was how Yoruba people argued—after all, he’d always thought they talked a little louder than average.

And he was the only one that had run to Ore’s door.

He was turning to leave when he heard the sound of a hard slapping and the accompanying squeal of pain.

It was Ore that was slapped, he knew at once.

He pounded the door. ‘Ore?’ Again. ‘Ore, are you inside?’

‘Obinna, please help me, please!’ he heard and the next second, dull sounds of repeated blows followed by Ore’s cries.

It appeared his presence had only angered her tormentor the more.

He tried to open the door; it was bolted from inside. He drew back and came back to it with force. The door flew open.

He dived at the guy beating Ore on the bed and flung him away. He held Ore; her mouth was bleeding. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked her.

Ore pointed to his back. Before he could fully turn, the stool had slammed into his head.

He reeled and fell away.

‘Obinna!’ Ore was running to him when the guy that had hit him grabbed her by the hand.

He said something in Yoruba. ‘Shebi oun leleyi.’

On the ground, Obinna shook his head and staggered back to his feet. He lunged towards the guy and both of them locked in a tight struggle of muscles.

Ahanna flew into the room then with another neighbour. They separated the fight and the other tenant who was Yoruba too started asking Ore what happened.

The visitor straightened his shirt, pointed at Ore and murmured something and then walked away.

Ahanna asked Obinna if he was okay.

He shook his head, eyes rolling, as if to reset his brain back into order.

Later in evening, as Ahanna handed him a blister pack of Panadol, he reminded him that this is Lagos where heroes don’t last.

He nodded and swallowed the tablets.

Ore would later tell him that the boy used to be her boyfriend and that she just told him she was no longer interested in the relationship when he got upset and slapped her.

‘Why did you tell him you are no longer interested?’ he asked her.

Ore said nothing and walked quietly away.

***

Adaku was surprised she wasn’t having the normal anxious feelings associated with checking results.

The day they’d gone to pick their WAEC, she’d felt so nervous she nearly threw up.

When she finally got the envelope, she’d given it to Obinna to open and tell her only if she should cry or not.

Obinna had opened the folded paper gently, glancing up at her from time to time.

The white sheet of paper straight in his hand, his eyes widened in horror.

Adaku felt a hard pound in her chest.

‘Ada, I’m sorry,’ he said, his voice low with sympathy. He folded the paper back, shaking his head slowly. ‘All others were good, but you failed English and Maths.’

Adaku suddenly felt like crying.

He extended the envelope to her, deep concern on his face. ‘Don’t be so sad, I’m sure you will do better next year.’

She breathed hard and took the envelope from him. She made no attempt to open it.

‘You don’t want to open it?’ he asked.

She shook her head, her lips compressed.

He started to laugh.

Her eyes ran to him.

‘Open your result jor!’ he said. ‘With that much A’s, I’m sure Principal Eze will preach with your name at the assembly for months!’

She slowly straightened the paper, her heart still thudding.

And then she smiled, and slapped his head. ‘Mkpi!’

He was chuckling.

‘Let me see yours,’ she said.

He gave her. She nodded as she whispered each grade: C5, C6, C5, B2, C4, D7…

She turned to him. ‘D7 in Geography?’

He nodded. ‘Didn’t touch that map sheet.’

She handed it back. ‘Good result.’

‘Thank you.’

They hugged and walked home holding hands.

But now that she was on her way to the Computer Centre in Adazi with her scratch card and printout, she was surprised she wasn’t feeling the usual prick of anxiety at her sides.

She stared boldly at the computer screen as Emma typed in her details.

He was smiling, both at her and at the screen. She didn’t understand the smile, she didn’t bother to try either.

‘So which other schools did you choose?’ he asked her.

‘Just UNIZIK,’ she said.

He turned to her. ‘Only UNIZIK?’

‘Yes.’

He left his eyes on her for a while, and then on a consoling note said, ‘You will get it’, before turning back to the screen.

Adaku gave a perfunctory nod.

‘Awka is close,’ Emma added.

Another nod. ‘Yes.’

He finished typing and submitted.

They waited, staring as the short bar at the top of the page slowly filled with green.

The loading got to the near end and paused. An error page popped up instead.

Emma looked at her with guilt, as though he was somehow the cause of the poor network.

He clicked on the back link and re-submitted.

‘Wow!’ he screamed even before the page could fully load. ‘You are admitted! Nne, you have admission o!’

She did not know how to feel. A complex mix of joy and something else flowed through her.

Then suddenly the smiles on Emma’s face started to die.

‘Zoology,’ he murmured. ‘Ada, they gave you Zoology.’

She peered at the screen and it was really Zoology.

‘What courses did you fill?’ Emma asked.

‘Pharmacy,’ she said.

‘Haa.’ Emma hissed, in the way people do to show they are very sad about something. ‘You should have asked me.’ His voice was now low. ‘You should have asked me. UNIZIK does not admit for Pharmacy yet.’

‘I didn’t know,’ she said.

‘Haa.’ Emma swayed his head and hissed again.

Adaku stared at him, wondering why he seemed so sad.

Zoology, she knew had to do with animals. She wouldn’t mind it at all.

After all, she owned a hen called Nkoli who she pretended to talk to.

When Nkoli in her manner of doing things the inexplicable way, decided to hatch her chicks in the kitchen roof, she was the only one Nkoli allowed to touch her babies and bring them down for her.

And truly she did not like Chemistry which she knew is the bone of Pharmacy that much.

She had only chosen Pharmacy because her mother had asked her to study ‘doctor’ so that she’d finally find a lasting cure to her periodic arthritic pains.

Because she knew she could not stand the sight of human blood, she’d opted for Pharmacy instead which she hoped would be an adequate substitute to medicine for her mother.

She looked and Emma’s eyes were still on her. ‘Emma, print my result,’ she said.

‘Ok.’ He turned to look at her again before bending to set up the printer.

The concerned look was still on his face as he handed her the printout and gave her her change.

It was as though he couldn’t imagine someone like her studying that course.

‘Thank you. Bye-bye,’ she said.

‘Bye-bye,’ Emma said, his voice so low she barely heard him.

She did not turn to look, otherwise she would have seen how he swayed his head in the way people do to show pity.

***

Today, the two boys were exceptionally happy.

They were meeting with Chief today. They were finally going to get their wares and couldn’t wait to start selling, making millions.

After they told him their money was complete, Okechukwu had told them Chief would be returning to the country in a week, and that was today.

They have so many customers lined up already, one even said he needed four bags straight and was going to pay double if need be.

The baking powder was the scarcest thing in Lagos now anyway. Not even in Alaba International Market, could you find any more than 20grams to buy at once.

But this evening they were going to get the 10 bags they’d paid for.

‘Obyno, I done leave you go!’ Ahanna was already outside.

From inside the room, Obinna heard him strike his leather flip-flops against the wall to clean them.

He hurried with his shirt.

‘Let’s go,’ Ahanna said as he came out. The Ghana-Must-Go they’d use to carry the bags of powder was folded into four and held under his armpit.

The bike they took stopped them at Oshodi Express. In his blissful spirit, Ahanna waved down a taxi.

When Obinna gave him a surprised look, he told him to keep quiet and better start adjusting to the new life of money and comfort.

The taxi driver said he’d collect N3000 'last' to take them to Lekki where Chief lived. Ahanna did not protest. He gestured to Obinna to enter the car.

He hesitated.

‘Nwokem, enter na! Na so the poverty done do you reach?’

Obinna held the front door handle to open it.

‘Enter the back!’ Ahanna barked, nearly startling him.

He joined him as he entered, mumbling that they have to enjoy what they paid for.

Obinna did not understand why staying at the back meant more enjoyment than the front.

He would have preferred to sit in the front. He liked to stick his head out to look at the tall buildings and busy traffic.

He was annoyed when they got to the bridge and he could not see the ocean well.

The silent sea spread over the horizon like an endless dark-grey blanket. He wondered if the small figures on tiny wood structures he saw on the water were really people.

He held himself not to gasp at the sight of the tall buildings that lined the ocean.

But when he saw a slim structure that towered high into the sky perforated with over a thousand windows, the gasp flew out of him without his notice.

‘That’s NITEL Tower,’ Ahanna told him.

‘How do people climb it?’ he asked.

Now Ahanna smiled, the double-faced smile of city people. ‘They use elevator.’

‘Oh.’ Though he did not know what an elevator is, how it looked, he didn’t bother to ask either. He hated to get that smile from people, Ahanna least of all.

Finally, they were in Lekki, the part of Lagos that looked nothing like Lagos. Where the day appeared to move at normal speed and people looked more human, not like the crazed figures he saw in Oshodi.

The houses looked like they were built for people too.

The air felt like air and he saw trees and grasses and even a grasshopper.

The taxi stopped them at No. 11.

Ahanna ‘settled’ the taxi man and they walked towards the gate—wide and black, made from smooth metal. He raised a hand and struck the gate.

They waited.

Ahanna knocked at the gate again.

A small, square hole opened on it and they saw two eyes. Then a portion of the gate slid back and a young man in blue and black appeared.

‘We are looking for Number 11 Adebayo Street,’ Ahanna said.

‘This is Adebayo Street, how can I help you?’

‘We are here to see Chief.’

‘Chief?’

Okey appeared at the gate then. ‘Boys, wetin happen na?’ he said. ‘Chief done dey wait tey tey!’

‘We are sorry,’ Ahanna said.

As they followed Okey in, Obinna wondered what he would have said had they not used a taxi.

He stared at the house in awe. Whoever that was strong enough to mould something like that in Lagos is worth his respect.

Inside, they sat on the cream-colored couch and waited for Chief.

Obinna felt uncomfortable surrounded by so much expensive things: the glass table with silver legs, the gleaming dark-green tiles, the wide TV, the…

Chief appeared and his eyes ran to him.

They quickly stood and greeted him with a bow.

He was in a long loose robe, a tall large man with elegant slowness. He did not drink from the glass of wine in his right hand; a fancy black walking stick was in his other.

He sat down on the couch facing them and dropped his glass of wine on the table. He inclined his walking stick to the arm of the chair.

‘Sir, I have brought them,’ Okechukwu said.

‘I see.’

‘Good afternoon, sir,’ Ahanna greeted again.

‘Good afternoon, sir,’ Obinna joined, as if to be sure Chief did not sense any disrespect and decide not to help them again.

‘How do you do, young men?’ he asked them, his voice wealthily calm.

‘We are fine, sir,’ they chorused.

He asked them what they’d like to take and they said, together as usual, that they were ok.

Chief nodded and asked Okechukwu to collect the money from them.

Ahanna handed him the black package.

Okechukwu counted the money and nodded at Chief.

‘How much is there?’ he asked.

‘One hundred and sixty, sir.’

‘Ok. Go in and get them the products.’

Two at a time, Okechukwu brought out the 10 bags of the expensive powder for them—transparent 5kg sachets.

Ahanna packed all into their Ghana-Must-Go and they thanked Chief and left.

When they got home, Ahanna placed the bag under the TV table and spread a wrapper over it.

He changed his shirt and walked to the call booth at the end of the street to call the people interested in the powder.

He called the one that disturbed them the most first, the one that said he was willing to pay double the price.

The number returned unavailable.

He tried another and it was same.

After the third number and none was able to connect, he walked back to the house smiling.

To Be Contined...

Please if you are with me just say "Hi"




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Kelechi was a very handsome boy, always smart and neat. But he has never brush his teeth since he was born, it happen that he polluted the air when ever he open his mouth to talk. His mates avoid him as if he carry sheet with him, he now tell her mother to buy tooth brush for him. But his mother insist that he will go with her to choose his choice. When they get to the market, in a place where they are selling tooth brush, his mother now ask him, which one do want?, immidiately he open his mouth to say something, all the tooth brush in the market start singing, mama no be me ooo..... no be me....
Mama no be me ooo no be me.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-10 23:00:04

853 Views




RAPE EPISODE 3 (STORY BY DINDY)
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...
He locked the door as soon as we entered, he was acting funny and strange as if he wanted to use us for something, he rubbed my little sister's head like a ball and his eyes were red--I think he must have smoked again because that is what he normally does---.
He took us to his room which was upstairs (i don't know why he did that because his parlour was free and no one was at home except him).
He asked us if we wanted anything and we replied "yes uncle we want juice". He went to his refrigerator which was right beside his bed and he brought out two fruit juice in a plastic bottle then he gave it to me and my little sis.
After some minutes after drinking the fruit juice I felt like going to the toilet so I told him that I want to urinate, he directed me downstairs to where the toilet was---He had a toilet in his room but he didn't want me to use it, I really don't know why--.
I went downstairs to urinate, as i was urinating I heard my little sister shouting then it stopped, i was wondering to myself what made her shout so I quickly jumped off the toilet without washing my hands.
I ran upstairs as fast as I could get there, as I approach the room I could hear my little sister crying and trying to shout but it was as if something was holding her voice in.
I quickly opened the door and I saw the landlord's son (that stupid bastard) raping my little sis and his hand was coving her mouth.
Immediately he saw me he stopped and chased me, i ran as fast as my legs could carry me, he almost caught me on my way downstairs but he missed a step and he fell while I used the opportunity to run to the entrance door.
I open the door and run outside, I ran to my house to check whether my elder sis was back to report to her what was happening, when I got home I heard music playing very loud, I knocked and knocked but no one answered me.
I knew she was inside but she refused to open the door for me; that was when i knew she sold us to the landlord's son so that he could use us as he wishes, no wonder she said "take very good care of them, don't let them go out, hold them very well"--Ah my elder sister is pure evil (tears)--.
As i stood there i saw the landlord's son coming to my house, I quickly ran out side the compound and I sat on the ground and waited until my dad come back.
My dad came back by 6pm in the evening when I saw him I was filled with joy and happiness. He asked me why I was out side but I said nothing because I was scared to talk, we both went inside the house and I saw my elder sister doing what she does best (reading novel).
My dad asked her why I was outside and all she told him was that I beat up my little sis and she flogged me for it and I ran outside the gate abusing her, my dad looked at me and started asking me questions about what my elder sister told him, all I did was to cry and cry and cry because she lied against me and it hurts so much.
After that day my life became a living hell, everything I knew as life and the lovely things my dad told me and my little sis about the world changed, I felt so bad and angry and mad at my elder sister and the landlord's son.........to be continue.........episode 4 loading.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
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Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
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Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi


>>

Akpors Bought His Wife 6 Pair Of Pant Which Are All The Same Color..When He Presented Them To His Wife,She Said,"What!!! Same Color Of Pant,People Will Think That I Dont Use To Change My Panties.Akpos Became Surprised And Asked That "which People".Akpos Wife Kept Quiet


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-18 12:22:41

461 Views




Both guys and girls lie about the number of people they have had sex with.

The difference is that the guys add, and the girls subtract!Related

BITTER TRUTH [Read it]


1. Ugly girls are getting married
every Saturday, the
pretty ones will be buying ASO
EBI, looking glamorous
in the wedding pictures,...whoare
you
waiting for, Dangote's son?
2. Shout out to all the girls who
feel they need to wash noodles
before cooking it. I respect your
Hygiene.
3. I bet Messages from mobile
operators in 2050 will
say "DEAR CUSTOMER, GET YOUR
WIFE PREGNANT
TODAY WITHOUT STRUGGLE, SMS
"CHILD" TO 12126"
4. You are 20 years old and
dating a 52year old man
and you call him your baby, is he
your baby or ancestor?
Somehow, your matter dey
Shiloh.
5. One good thing about been
ugly. At least you would
be least considered for rituals.
Dem no dey use JUJU
do JUJU na!
6. You dey snap Facebook
pictures for another person
Hummer; don't worry Honey,
when thieves go find you come,
dem go nack you Hammer.
7. At the age of 40, you still dey
your Mama House dey
drag Head of fish with your
siblings....Chai! The witch
wey dey your village carry your
picture dey fan herself,
Abi na dey dance "SHOKI" with
your destiny??
8. You be housemaid and you
deysing "I'M THE BOSS" BY RICK
ROSS Mehn you get case for Cele
church
9. Bossy girls be like '' before i
think of dating him, he
must TOAST me for at least
6month. Dont worry, 25yrs
from now.. You will be in Shiloh
for miracle
marriages.
10. You are a first class graduate
at 40years without any job and
you dey follow Lil Wayne dey
sing "I AIN'T
GOT NO WORRIES". My Dear, even
the devil is weeping
for you.
11. Opportunity knocks but once,
my brother/sister, If
you hear a 2nd knock, My
Brother/My Sister, check
well, na Jehovah witness.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-13 16:52:34

626 Views




An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building when a young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.


She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!”


Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, “Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!”


About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and farts and says, “Broccoli – 49 cents a pound.”Related

Dad, I don’t want to go to school
today.” said little Akpos. “Why not, Akpos?” his dad asked. Akpos replied, “Well, one of the
chickens on the school farm died last
week and we had chicken soup for
lunch the next day. Then three days ago
one of the pigs died and we had roast
pork the next day.” “But I still don't understand why you
don’t want to go today?” “Because our English teacher died
yesterday!”
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-15 22:38:30

553 Views



TYPES OF GENDER [Read it]


Earlier today, when I was teaching my
pupils a topic, 'GENDER', I elaborated
the topic by letting them know that we
have the MASCULINE gender, FEMININE
gender, COMMON gender and the
NEUTER gender! After teaching them for some hours, I
asked them the feminine genders of
some masculine genders. I asked the first pupil, "Ezekiel, what is
the feminine of KING?" He said, "QUEEN." The second pupil, "Cynthia, what is the
feminine of BOY?" She said, "GIRL." The third pupil, "Akpos, what is the
feminine of ACTOR?" He stood up and shouted, "BOZZ!"
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-01 14:50:40

311 Views




This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached ten minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only twenty minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.

The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.

The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures… and I couldn’t stop talking!Related

There’s absolutely no decent hand gesture to tell a woman riding scooty that her headlight is on.Related

Santa to Bank Manager, “My cheque was returned by your bank with the mark, Insufficient Funds”.

Manager: Quite right, Sir!

Santa: I wanna know whether it refers to mine or the Bank’s Funds?Related

“?? ‘????’ ?? ???? ???? ??? ???????? ?? ????? ??, …

?? ?? “?????” ?? ???? ?? ?? ??? ??? ?? ???? ??”….????
????Good Morning ????????????????????????Related

American Lifestyle:

Daughter: Sorry Dad, I got married yesterday. Forgot to invite you.

Dad: You naughty girl! It’s OK but don’t forget me next time!Related

The bank alert gladdened my heart and I smiled happily to myself.
Then I lay back on the bed and slept off.
The next morning I woke up to discover that Chief was already awake and dressing up. He had taken his bath while I was asleep.
He glanced at me and smiled on noticing that I was awake.
“I have a very important meeting to attend with my board of directors,” he announced adjusting his cap.
“Ok sir,” I replied sitting up on the bed.
“Hope you got your payment alert?”
“Yes I did,” I replied.
“Ok, here’s additional cheque of five hundred thousand naira. You deserve more,” he complimented handing the cheque to me.
I didn’t know how to express the joy I felt at that moment.
“Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!” was what escaped from my mouth as tears of joy rolled down my cheeks.
For the first time since I ventured into runz, I was rewarded with one million naira.
I felt on top of the world and while I lay on the bed rejoicing, Chief bade me goodbye and left for his meeting.
————————————————————
Later that morning as I was leaving Leo hotel, I got a call from Lomalinda hotel about a Major General in the army who would be needing my services that evening.
The name Lomalinda sent a peculiar chill down my spine and reminded me of my past experience in the hotel.
My experience with Lomalinda hotel hadn’t been good so I informed them before hand of my “pay before service” policy.
Surprisingly they agreed to it.
I had expected them to argue and haggle over it but they didn’t.
I first went to the bank to cash the cheque I got from Chief before heading back to my lodge to prepare for the evening job.
I paid the money into my account and headed to my lodge.
My phone rang while I was still inside the taxi and I reached for it and glanced at the caller who was no other person than Dennis.
I sighed, put the phone on silent and dropped it back into my bag. I wasn’t ready for Dennis and any of his wahala.
What occupied my mind was business and money.
I needed to get to my lodge, relax and prepare for the evening job ahead. Not discussing silly issues with silly boyfriend.
6pm on the dot I was at Lomalinda hotel.
The general had already arrived and was waiting for me in his room. First time I was arriving later than a client.
I introduced myself to the receptionist and reminded him of my pay before service policy.
The receptionist smiled and clicked some buttons on his desktop computer. Instantly an alert came into my phone of two hundred and fifty thousand naira.
“The balance of a hundred thousand naira would be sent to you after the job,” the receptionist informed still smiling. “depending on how satisfied our customer is.”
I thanked him and headed to the major general’s room.
I got to the room and tapped gently on the door.
“Come in,” a deep masculine voice responded.
I swung the lock open and entered.
The general lay naked on the bed scratching his chin.
“You came late dear,” he murmured staring at me.
“Sorry I was held in a traffic jam,” I lied.
“No problem dear. Join me in the bed,” he invited.
I took off my clothes and hopped into the bed with the general.
The usual thing happened the usual way and before 2am the general lay totally exhausted on the bed snoring heavily like a drunkard who just finished seven gallons of undiluted palm wine…


If you are still following this story, kindly drop a signal.


>> Episode 29 -

Nigerian guy living in Sweden
smartly married a Swedish lady, so
as to be legally certified with resident
permit, but the lady was not aware of
this. He lied to the lady that he is
from Kenya because of the bad
reputation of Nigerians in that part of
Sweden.
After their wedding, the lady returned
home one day and informed the guy
that she met her friend, a Swedish
lady also married to a Kenyan and
will like them to have a dinner
together.
The Naija guy was disturbed and kept
thinking how he will get out of this
dark spot. He postponed and
postponed the proposed dinner until
he got tired of postponing.
Finally the D DAY came, they all sat
down in a restaurant. Our Naija guy
was quiet and was sweating
profusely in spite of the cold
atmosphere of Sweden (-8C). The
ladies asked their husbands to
communicate in their local dialect
since they are both from same
country (Kenya).
The Naija guy being a man of great
savvy decided he will just speak
Igbo, if the other guy didn't
understand, he will claim that he is
from another tribe and region in
Kenya.
Then he started "Nwanne a wum
nwafo owerri, owerre Nchi ise, I wu
kwanu onye olee, daa? The other
Kenyan looked up and replied "Ah
Nwanne, ekele diri chineke, onye na
asuru ndigbo uzo ha.
E chekwa m na m'enwela m nsogbu
taa taa. Abu m nwafo Mbaise .
Nwanne biri kam mbiri. They shook hands
and embraced each other to the
admiration of the ladies.
Igbo's no dey carry last.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 22:07:58

630 Views





Can we please hurry to his place?”christy beseeched Juliet. ” you still want to see ish? But its about to rain..” juliet responded. “yes but.. Well, i brought the car so, we can take it along.” she said. Juliet didnt like he idea but she decided to go with her. ” dont you get tired with the way he treats you?” juliet asked in an amazement. Christy kept mute. “how old are you?” juliet asked christiana. “six” she answered. “wow! And you look that big? Look at me, im seven..” juliet commented in a funny manner
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.They got to ish place only to find him setting bowls to receive water from the rain. He stood still when he saw the car drove into their compound. He realised it was no other than christiana. “lets see where she will stay when it begins to rain.” he said to himself. He wasnt confortable with where he was staying with his mum and the last thing he needed was christy’s presence. Juliet ran to ish when she came out of the car. “you?” ish sounded as if he had the shock of his life. ” meaning?” juliet asked. ” so you were the one who brought her here. How could you juliet?” ish said and turned away. Juliet followed up and explained to him that it was christy who insisted on paying him a visit since he wasnt feeling well. ” come on juliet, you know she is the last person, id like to see” ish made himself clear. Juleit apologised. ” just take her away” ish demanded.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
It began to rain heavily while christy was standing outside.Fortunately miss Cynthia (ish’s mum) saw her and invited her in. ” hey, what were you doing there all alone? Where is mumy?” miss cynthia asked questions after questions. Christy made it known to her that she came with the car outside and she came to visit her son. ” he is your son right?” christy asked with a smile. Juliet and ish were just standing in amazement. How did his mother get along with christy instantly? ” you drive? But you are just a kid?” miss cynthia commented. ” no, i cant. I came with a driver.”christy answered. ” aw, rich i guess” miss cynthia commented. Aside her confirmation that christy was dosted, she made everything possible to make her feel at home. ” should i get you water?” miss cynthia asked. Juliet jaw droped. Ish on the other hand got so angry. Was his mother being a servant? ” stop! Mum, just stop. She isnt my friend. I dont know her anywhere.” ish cried out. He walked straight to christy and said, “you are not my friend and you can never be. Just leave my house.” his mum asked him to stop being rude but he wouldnt give in. Tears began to flow from christy’s eyes. ” my dear, dont you cry..” miss cynthia embraced christiana. The whole place became very quiet.Hhhm the drama is yet to begin


>>

House Boy [Read it]



Akpors, the houseboy, usually sneaks into
his Oga’s room, drinks his wine and adds
water to top it up.
One day his Oga bought a new bottle of
wine. It was a French wine that changes
colour if water is added onto it.
Akpors unaware of this sneaked into his
Oga’s room. He drank the new wine and
added water on it. Immediately it started
changing colour.
“I am in trouble, big trouble,” Akpors
thinks and runs to the kitchen.
Meanwhile, Oga and Madam were sitting
in the parlour, while Akpors was in the
kitchen…
OGA: Akpors!
Akpors: Oga!
OGA: Who drank my wine?
No answer!
OGA: Akpors, who drank my wine?
Silence, again.
Oga walked to the kitchen and saw Akpors
there.
OGA: Are you insane or what? Why when I
call, you say “Oga”, but when I ask you a
question you don’t answer me.
Akpors: Oga, when you are in the kitchen
you don’t understand anything, except
your name.
OGA: Is that so? Okay go to the parlour,
stand beside Madam and ask me a
question while I stand here.
Akpors went and did what Oga ordered.
Akpors: Ogaaaaaa!!!
OGA: Yes, Akpors.
Akpors: Who goes into the maid’s
bedroom when Madam is not at home?
No answer.
Akpors: Ogaaaaaa!!! You dey hear me, I
say who dey sneak enter the house girl
room when Madam no dey house.
No answer again.
Oga runs out of the kitchen.
OGA: Wonders shall never end. Akpors, it
is true o, when one is in the kitchen, one
does not hear anything, except one’s
name.
MADAM: That’s not true. It’s a lie.
Akpors: Madam, do you want to be
tested?
MADAM: Yes, sure.
Akpors: Oya enter the kitchen.
She enters.
Akpors: Madam!
MADAM: Yes, Akpors.
Akpors: Who is Junior’s biological
Father?.. Me or Oga??
Madam rushed out of the kitchen.
MADAM: This kitchen needs to be
anointed oo, I can’t understand anything
at all.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 20:11:59

345 Views




1. You buy some cheap underwear at a
Bend- Down- Select under market& on
facebook you write:”I love Gucci
underwears” *God is watching you*
2. You’re a married man with 2 kids & on
facebook you always claim to be single
*God is watching you*
3. You’re 21 yrs old & you’re dating a man
of 59 yrs, your updates say “can’t wait to see
my baby.” Is that your baby or your
ancestor? *God is watching you*
4. You’re are drinking ice water & you
update “I’m drinking Johnny Walker on
the rocks” *God is watching you*
5. You’re in the house Listening to a radio
but you update “watching superman man of
steel at the cinemas” *God is watching you*
6. You sell retail biscuit, airtime n
chewing gums or in an grocery SHOP & u
update “had a long day in the office” *God
is watching you*
7. You are waiting for a mat/taxi & u update
“stuck in traffic thank God for the air
conditioner in ma car” *God is watching
you*
8. You are using some fake Chinese
phone and you update ur status “My laptop
is slow”
.
Be wise!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 19:38:38

553 Views




Roger is a hard worker, and he spends most of his nights bowling or playing volleyball.
One weekend, his wife decides that he needs to relax a little and take a break from sports, so she takes him to a strip club.
The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Roger! How are you tonight?"
His wife, surprised, asks her husband if he has been here before. "No, no. He`s just one of the guys I bowl with." They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Roger and says "Nice to see you, Roger.
A gin and tonic as usual?" His wife`s eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!" "No, no" says Roger "I just know her from volleyball." Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Roger and says "Roger! A table dance as usual?" His wife, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar. Roger follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the passenger seat. His wife looks at him, seething with fury and flips out on Roger. Just then, the cabby leans over and says "Sure looks like you picked up a bitch tonight, Roger!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-23 06:39:36

376 Views



The Bushmeat [Read it]


A "wise" guy was traveling in his private
car along the road when he saw a huge
bushmeat hanging on a stick from afar
and decided to buy it. He stopped hIs
car and asked, "Madam, how much is
your bushmeat?" "That one is N7000." the woman
replied. The man exclaimed, "No Madam! that's
too costly, and how much will you sell
the other one?" "That's N6500." the woman replied. The man said, "Ok! Put them in my
boot." The woman went behind the car saying
in her mind, "If this man opens his boot,
I will drop the bushmeat on the ground
and collect the money for free." Immediately the woman shut the boot
without putting the bushmeat, the man
zoomed off without paying the woman. QUESTION: Now who is smarter between
the two?
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-07 03:23:28

458 Views




To say i slept well through out the night would be a big lie, from my constant change of positions on the bed to scary meaningless dreams that rocked my sleep through out.

The morning was cold and humid it had rained heavily the night before.
A fresh scent of dust mixed with rain filled my nostrils, that smell you have when ever the rain comes for the first time in months after the dry season.

Chime-like sounds in slow succession filled my ears, little beads of dews forming a crystal rain tear dropping into buckets of water, the air was wet-cold and a chilly air swayed around.

I lazily rose from bed rubbing my fore-head furiously. My head was throbbing having stayed awake all night, even when i succeeded in getting some sleep it was from one stupid dream to another, the most scary of them was the last one i just had before jolting out from sleep. “What type of nonsense sleep is this na?” i cursed under my breathe.

It was a bright sunny Saturday,The house was filled to the brim and buzzing activities swayed everywhere.
People were excitedly chattering and doing one thing or the other.
I was clad in the in a black Italian suite, a white shirt and a black tie knotted round my neck. It was a wedding day.

In the church, the chimming songs that tolled out from the gigantic metal bell that hung on tower filtered in resounding sounds.

Jessy was seating beside Papa and Mama sat their too beaming with smiles and a look of pride on their eyes, Looking around the church i was happy for the crowd that came to this wedding which happened to be my wedding.

Standing right on the altar, the priest beaming down a holy smile on me with his flowing white chasuble dancing slightly from a little sway of air.

The whole congregation stood up and i could see all eyes fixed at the entrance of the church as a girl clad in white shimmering gown with large flowing flay riddled into precious stones that seemed to throw off unusual sparks. Her face was covered in a white semi- transparent veil that let out tiny shimmers under the bright golden rays of the church light.

“You many now Kiss the bride” i heard the slowly holy-like voice of the priest address to me.
With a smile and quick reflex i reached for the veil pulling it up to reveal a pair of eyes, perky nose and a smiling mouth in front of me.. “Amanda” I yelled in surprise.

The whole scenario changed. The huge white painted interior of the church gave way to a small bluish room.. I opened my eyes surprised at the type of dream i just had.
An alien surge of scare engulfed me giving me wavy goose bumps, my head threatening to rip open.

A slight knock on my door gave way to the door sliding open slowly with a groan and Amanda sipped in to my room.
Her slow strides dragged her closer, her legs moving in very slow motion like a model showcasing her assets in slow motioned catwalks.

She was clad in a very tight flimsy turquoise spaghetti top, her boobs resting heavily on the top protruding the poor dress with n####e tips fiercely showing through the flimsy material.

Her waist was adorning a white bum short with red dots stopping before half way to her thighs.

I sprang up fully from the bed kneeling straight on the mattress now facing her with a snare and surprised question riddled look.
“What dah f##k is she doing in my room”

“Good morning my sky” She slowly said her eyes blinking at fast paces and her iris working its way down to junior sky’s vicinity and up to my face again. I kept mute but the look in my eyes didn’t hide my raging contempt.

“My sky is now a full grown man, looking more handsome in those bushy beards and these your broad shoulders and thick muscles are killing” She sang on slowly running her hand from my beards taking it down to my shoulder and sliding down to my hands eyes still fixed on me.

“What do you want here” I found my voice fixing my face to look angered trying hard to sell my disgust mood to her, i don’t even know what that question mean exactly. Was it about what she is doing in my room or in this house in general?

A mild chuckle sipped out from her and her right hand travelled upwards to my chest region now.
“I know you must be surprised to see me here when you came back, it clearly showed on your face yesterday and is still showing” She continued seeming not to hear my question or maybe ignored it.

“But i want to let you know that i didn’t come to this house for your father anymore, i came back here for you because i knew you would surely come back one day and you will understand what i mean soon. I have a lot of surprises waiting for you my dear”

Her hands grazed my lips, then a wet snappy kiss on my numb lips followed by a sinister low chuckle and she turned round to leave, swaying her a#s far more than normal.

I stood there transfixed on my position, not knowing or even have the ability to move. The cold morning suddenly turned stale and hot cus i could feel beads of sweat running down the crack of my back.

“What exactly i am into”

..To be Continued.


>>

Height of Besharmi

.

Boy & Girl met wid Accident.

.

Boy’s BMW got Scratches

.

Boy: Dikhta nahi.. bhosdiki… Teri maa ko chodu.. Teri bhen ko chodu..

.

.

.

.

Girl: aurrrrrrr, mujhe bhi na pls… Pls… ???? ????Related

You know you're a Nigerian if...

The only reason you dance at Nigerian parties is to get “sprayed” money.

There is ALWAYS white rice in your house and it’s by the sack.

Your parents add “O” to the end of every sentence. E.g “SHUT-UP O!” “YES O!”

You’ve been called “IJOT” more times than you can count.

You've got to call older Nigerians you know uncle or aunty even if they aren’t kin.

When Shina Peters' Afro juju comes on, you lose your mind and drop it low!

You still eat the food even if it’s so spicy it makes your nose run.

A party starts at 6, you show up 10 and most people are still not there yet.

You’ve been threatened into good behaviour with “I’ll send you back home!”

You point at something with your lips. And go “MSCHEW”

You have to pronounce your last name 20 times for people and they still don’t get it right!

You can add more reasons you are a Nigerian (or you understand a Nigerian) in the comment box below...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-04 07:56:19

327 Views




Virgin Airline ad: “We are more experienced than our name suggests!Related

A man who makes coffin was on his way to deliver one of his coffins when his car broke down.


Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.


Some policemen saw him & wanted to make some money off him so they challenged him, “Hey, what are you carrying and where are you going?”


The man said, “I do not like where I was buried so I am relocating!!!”Related
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