Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Funny proverbs [Read it]


1. The little opportunity given to a monkey
to wear cloths, does not guarantee it to
join the dinning table.
.
2. Girls are like mangoes, while you are
waiting for them to be ripe, others are
eating them with salt.
.

3. Whoever presents his own head to
break coconut would not be able to
partake in the eating of it.
.
4. A man who hangs around a beautiful girl
without saying a word ends up fetching
water for guests at her wedding.
.
5. A man who counts his money after
withdrawing from the ATM has trust
issues.
.
6. If something that was going to chop off
your head only knocked off your cap, you
should be grateful.
.

7. When a girl has beauty without Brains,
the Private parts suffer the most.
.

8. Having a Female as a Best friend is like having Chicken for a pet, You will eat it
some day.
.

9. The wolf on the hill is not as hungry as
the wolf climbing the hill.
.

10. Never let negative and toxic people
rent space in your head. Raise the rent & kick them out.

.
11. Life goes on, Even if you don't want it
to.
.

12. Drinking garri doesn't mean you're poor
but allowing it to swell before drinking is
poverty.
.
13. The buttocks are like a married couple
though there is constant friction between
them, they will still love and live together
.

.

Which number is your favorite?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-26 14:58:20

691 Views




Wow! Whale Captured & Killed In Ondo State
Nigeria (Photos)
Just wow! They shouldn’t have killed it if
you ask me. One more photo below... #not confirmed from a real source #B-goF #AoN







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-13 22:30:29

263 Views




Rajnikanth doesn`t bowl Strikes, he just knocks down one pin; and the other nine fall out of fear.Related

Every relationship you have is a reflection of your relationship with your self.

~ Deepak ChopraRelated

Patriots always talk of dying for their country and never of killing for their country.

– Bertrand RussellRelated

Akpos was dying. his wife sat
at the bed side.
He looked up and said
weakly,”
I have something i must
confess.”
“There’s no need to” his
wife replied.
“No, “he insisted, ” i want to
DIE in peace.
i slept with you, your sister,
your best
friend, her best friend, and
your mother!”
The wife said ” I KNOW, I
KNOW,” “now just
rest and let the poison
work”
HAHA!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-30 23:28:37

631 Views




A Mortuary Attendant was receiving bodies .When he saw this body with the name Mike on it with the longest d*ck he has ever seen.


He decided to cut it off and go show his wife.


When he reached home he called out his wife "Sweetie come. I want to show you something!"


The wife came and on spotting it she screamed: "YOU MEAN MIKE IS DEAD"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 15:13:48

292 Views



Am in love [Read it]


FINALLY AM IN LOVE AND I CANT DOUBLE DATE....
????????????????????????????
Am proud to talk about it to the public. Am proud to say this to my love, I cant stay a week without you. if I try it I will probably fall ill.
Your special perfume and your neatness is one thing that drives me crazy.... no wonder you like wearing white attire. Your tender skin, the type with no pimple or rashes, that keeps my palm glued to them each time we are together. [Now am shy] So many times while together with u and I hear a knock on my door I quickly hide you because I don't want to be caught with you. Yes they say age is a number, I cant help but agree that you are very much older than me but I dont care about what they say or think about it!!! ..... Am the only one that knows the true feeling I have for you, especially the countless of mornings, afternoons and nights we spent together ...
You are not rich but I dont care
I LOVE YOU AMALA!!!????????????????
Come and beat me am at home.. #B-Gof
#Aonomolos
#Boukoru Andy .E.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-04-20 15:50:11

412 Views




Teacher: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical
elements?
Akpos: Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you
bury-um.... #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-22 09:58:02

517 Views




There should have been another day between Saturday and Sunday!Related

Coded Language [Read it]


AKPOS: Sweetheart, I am GEJ 
HELEN: You’re kidding? Our president is GEJ (Goodluck Ebele Jonathan) 
AKPOS: I mean, I am GEJ - GOING ON AN EMERGENCY JOURNEY! 
HELEN: (smiling) Oh! You’re not serious! What kind of a journey are you going on? 
AKPOS: OBJ. 
HELEN: To meet Obasanjo? 
AKPOS: No, it means ON A BUSINESS JOURNEY. 
HELEN: Oh! 
AKPOS: Yes… IBB. 
HELEN: Babangida? 
AKPOS: I’LL BE BACK. 
HELEN: (smiles). Very funny.
AKPOS: Till then APC. 
HELEN: What does that mean? 
AKPOS: I’ll ALWAYS PING AND CALL. 
HELEN: Hmmm… 
AKPOS: And while I’m away, PDP with love. 
HELEN: What? 
AKPOS: PLEASE DON’T PLAY with our love. 
HELEN: (after a short pause) You know I won’t BRF. 
AKPOS: What has Lagos state governor got to do with all this? 
HELEN: (smiling) I’ll BE RIGHTEOUS and FAITHFUL! 
AKPOS: I trust you
HELEN: FOOL! 
AKPOS: (screaming) Whaaat?!
HELEN: FOR OUR OVERWHELMING LOVE!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-09 06:28:40

245 Views




Continues..
I got late to class thanks to miranda. The lecturer didn't scold me because I was new. I thought I was the only one late until someone came in. OMG! The guy was so cute and hot! He was wearing a white Y neck shirt on top of a jean that had a golden chain across the pocket. His watch and necklace was a shining gold and his shoes were coloured white and black(maybe airmax). He wore a black glass which he removed as soon as he entered into the class. His hair was shave thoroughly, it was shining black. He had a silver earring on his ear that was shining. Everything about him was shining.
I was lost I kept on staring at him while chewing my Pen's cover until the lecturer interrupted and I maintained.
Lecturer: you are late again. Mr man
Guy: I am sorry it won't repeat itself
Lecturer: that's what you always say now I would appreciate it if you sit!
Guy he was getting angry but was good at controlling it) I said it won't repeat itself so please will you stop moulding a house out from dry sand!
The lecturer said nothing. He faced the board again seemed he was drawing a human cell.
To be continued..


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Joke by Dindy [Read it]


JOKE BY DINDY
Boy:please can I see your pix?
Girl:kk
.
.
Picture sent??
.
.
Picture received??
.
.
Boy:wow you look beautiful....you look so 24....how old are you?
Girl:I am 18
Boy:huh?.....i said your age not your junior sister's age.........lol
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-30 21:20:43

421 Views




Girl: Are you an MBA?

Boy: No, 8th fail… here’s my Audi.

Girl: Of course, who did well in life by studying?Related

Indian Joke [Read it]


Q: Why is India not participating in World Cup?                                           


ANS: Because FIFA cannot accept singing and dancing after every ten minutes or after any goal.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-07 21:54:47

157 Views




Somewhere between :



“Uncle chocolate dena” &


“Uncle chocolate wala dena”,



we all grew up… ????????????????????Related

Kwame, a young banker, was
summoned to the village by
his parents for a very
important meeting.
When everybody had settled
down, his father said,
“Kwame, your mum and I
have found two potential
brides for you in this village.
Nkechi makes the best
palmnut soup from what I
hear.”
Chioma doesn’t cook well but
she is romantic and has
plenty buttocks. Which one of
them should we marry for
you?”
Kwame stood there for a long
time and replied, “Papa, can
you ask Nkechi to teach
Chioma how to cook palmnut
soup?”.#B-goF



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-12 01:57:45

801 Views




25th,,August 2008.
At the Court Room.
The Edo state High Court was filled to the
brim
with people. The news about the war had
spread
round like wildfire and since then there had
been
so many talks and heated arguments
among the
indigenes of benin city and Edo state at
large.
Some people were of the opinion that obaz
did the
right thing seeking for revenge while others
castigated him because they felt he should
have
followed due process. This was definitely
one of
the greatest cult wars to have ever taken
place in
Benin city.
The media was not left out as they had
carried out
various opinion polls in the streets of benin
city
and different people had aired their views
on the
issue. It was very clear that zick was known
everywhere and many people were happy
about his
death especially rival cult groups.
So it was not a surprise to see the court
filled with
people. Everyone wanted to know how the
case
will end,,if Justice will be served or not.
Those who
were not able to attend sat in the comfort
of their
homes and watched proceedings from the
local tv
station on their Tv.
Obaz was in the dock right now and he had
pleaded guilty to all the allegations placed
on him
by the prosecutor. He had refused to make
use of
a lawyer as he saw it as a waste of time.
He felt
more fulfilled for his actions. Seated behind
him
was tracy,,his girlfriend. She was really
sober and
was in tears all through the court
proceedings.
After the examination-in-chief (the process
of
investigating and asking the accused
person series
of questions in court) by the prosecutor and
laying
of facts the judge was now ready to pass
his
judgement.
He said:
“Having listened to the facts brought here
and
carefully scrutinising the evidence brought
against
the accused and his accomplice,,i find them
all
guilty. But before I give my final verdict I
have this
to say”
The judge clears his throat,,adjusted his
glasses
and continued.
“Jeffery obazele you have really done
wrong. You
took the Law into your hands and acted on
your
own negative thoughts. The Law is always
there to
protect every citizen of Nigeria but you
chose to
shove it aside and put justice into your
own hands.
That is a very grave disrespect and offence
against
the Law therefore you have to face the
wrath of it.
Cultism is not a good thing and I condemn
you for
using it as a means to get justice. I will
like to
advise the young ones at home to shun
cultism
and avoid it at all cost. It will only put you
in
trouble. If Daniel Osato,,your brother was
not in a
cult group there wouldn’t be any need to
kill him
and you won’t find the need to join in order
for you
to get Justice. Before I go further do you
have any
last words?”
The judge looked at obaz as he was really
quiet
and sober this time. He nodded his head
and
opened his mouth to speak. All the court’s
attention was on him and he could hear
tracy sob
from behind.
“All through my life I never imagined myself
being
a member of a cult and in fact I always
tried as
much as possible to avoid them because I
know
the kind of person I am. Many years ago
while I
and my late brother were still young we lost
our
father who was a business man to the cold
hands
of some brutal assassins sent by his rival
in the
business world. My mother decided to use
the Law
which was sworn to protect every citizen of
this
country to get back justice. But the judge
granted
the perpetrators bail and they were set free.
A year
later they came for my mum and killed her
too. If
not that we were staying with our aunt on
holiday
during that period we would have been
killed too.”
At this moment obaz looked really sad as
he
painfully narrated his story. The whole
court was
quiet and there was sadness and pity
written on
the faces of many people in the court. He
continued.
“I accept the fact that my brother did
wrong by
becoming a member but he is dead and
gone
forever. May his soul rest in peace. But
what would
you have me do when another set of bitter
rivals
took him away from me? I couldn’t go back
to seek
justice from the same judicial system who
set the
killers of my father free. No,,i couldn’t. I
won’t ask
you to tamper justice with mercy because
in my
heart I feel i’ve done what is right. Let the
crooked
Law take its course”
The judge was taken aback by the words
churned
out by obaz and he wore a forlorn look. He
adjusted his glasses once more as he
looked at
obaz and then to everyone in the court from
his
high table and said.
“That you,,Jeffery obazele and other
accused broke
the Laws of the Federal Republic of Nigeria
which
does not condone membership in a secret
cult and
it’s activities. You have also been found
guilty of
murder,,extortion and illegal possession of
fire
arms. You are hereby sentenced to Life in
prison. I
rise”
The Judge hit the gavel and stood up
moving
towards the back door of the court.
“COURT!!!”
Said the court clerk as everyone in the
court stood
up waiting for the Judge to leave his seat.
Obaz and the other cultists were moved by
the
police to the big black van where they
would be
taken to the prison. Tracy was crying and
following
behind,,she was looking for a way to get to
obaz
but the police wouldn’t allow her. Finally,,a
very
compassionate man among the police
asked them
to stop so she(tracy) could reach obaz. She
rushed
to him in tears.
“Stop crying my baby” he said as he tried
to hug
her with his cuffed hands.
They hugged for a few seconds then he
kissed her
so deeply one last time. She looked at him
deeply
in his eyes and said.
“I have your baby,,i hope it’s a boy” she
tried to
force a smile.
The police man had beckoned obaz to start
moving
and told tracy to shift back while they
entered the
van. The door was closed and obaz kept
looking at
her through the small opening of the dark
van. He
was going to miss her truly. At a point he
started
to regret his actions and wondered if
avenging his
brother was really worth it. He would have
let
karma/nature take it’s course. Now his
child is
going to grow up without a father.
Tears began to flow from his eyes.

THE END…..
PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU
ENJOYED THE STORY

NIGERIAN POLICE [Read it]


Nigeria policeman arrested akpos urinating at a place in the market wit the sign "DO NOT URINATE HERE,FINE #500.the offender gives a policeman #1000 note. the policeman turns around nd turmbles a bit and said to the man "oga, now urinate again, i dont have change"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 21:25:23

819 Views



CASHIER: [Read it]


This is the 5th movie ticket
you've bought tonight Sir , Why ? . .
AKPOS : Yes, that I . diot at the entrance
keeps tearing it
TEACHER: What's your favorite
flower ? . . AKPOS : Chrysanthemum. . TEACHER :
Spell it. . AKPOS : I was joking o. My
favorite flower is Rose R - O - S - E
Two Girls were sitting at a club. One
was ugly and the other one was
beautiful . Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl .
Akpos : Hello! Ugly girl : Hi !!
Akpos : Wanna dance ?
Ugly Girl : Yes (excited)
Akpos : OK, Go and dance , I wanna talk
to your friend. Papa Akpos : My pikin say you drive am
commot for school, Wetin he do ?
Akpos 'Teacher : - Your son is not
brilliant
at all, he cant even spell " LION" . . .
Papa Akpos : Ah Ah . . . You know say na SMALL pikin . . . . . . You for tell am make
he spell SMALL ANIMAL like "
MOSQUITO " . . . . . .
Teacher : Behind every successful man
there is a woman. What do we learn
from this? Akpos : We should stop wasting time in
studies and find that WOMAN
Teacher : Make a Sentence with Big
Akpos : The Ram Is Big
Teacher : Make it longer
Akpos : The Ram is big ooooooo OPERATOR: 911 , wat 's your
emergency?
AKPOS : Two girls are fighting over me . .
OPERATOR: So ? . . AKPOS : The ugly one
is winning .
Teacher : Who can state one diff btw a Bird and a Fly ? . .
Akpos : A bird can fly , but a fly cannot
bird .
Ochuko : Akpos , where have you been?
Akpos : Watching a football match ?
Ochuko : Who played? . . Akpos : Ivory coast v
Vi
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-09 17:15:20

390 Views




A lady and Akpors were having drinks at the bar.
Later that night, when they had both gotten quite tipsy, the woman leaned over to Akpors and whispered “LET’S GO TO MY PLACE”.
So they left the bar and headed to her place.
At the woman’s place they started each other to get closer, then the lady whispered in the sexiest voice, “TIE ME ON THE BED AND DO WHAT YOU DO BEST”
Akpors couldn’t believe his ears, she just gave him the biggest opportunity in the work? Oh my goodness, Akpors thought to himself; quickly, without looking back, he tied her to the bed with the strongest material he could find in her bedroom, and then he RAN AWAY WITH HER TV, LAPTOP, BLACKBERRY, IPAD AND IPHONE.
One word for Akpors this time


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-20 00:38:57

675 Views



Dear Dollar [Read it]


Dear Dollar,You slut…
Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely
Indian RupeeRelated

Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


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EPISODE 28

I woke up the following morning thinking about the call from Marcus last night; I checked my phone to review my call history, then I realized it wasn’t a dream but real. I talked with Mirabel about it, she felt uncomfortable about it. I told her not to fret that he can’t do anything that’d make me bow.
We went to School and came back in the evening because a Lecturer shifted his period to 4.pm and made the day a stressful one. Later in the evening, I had a video chat with Ike (Mirabel’s cousin). The following conversation ensued after exchanging pleasantries.
Ike: So… are you earning on your own as a business student?
Me: Nope
Ike: Have you thought about the kind of business you want to engage in from now?
Me: Not yet, I’ll think about it more after school
Ike: Are you kidding? After school? So you’ll keep depending on your parents till you graduate?
Me: Seems so, I mean they’re capable
Ike: I’m not talking parental capability mahn! I stopped receiving a cent from my billionaire parents even before I got into college. I earned my first million dollars at age 19. Wake up mahn! You start your career and future now not after you start growing matured beards or something.
Me: Ok I’ll think about it
Ike: Do you have anything in mind?
Me: Hhmmm… not really
Ike: What about your passion or visions of life?
Me: I have them but they’re not something I can start with here in the University
Ike: Which are?
Me: Building a business empire in summary
Ike: That’d require a lot of capital to begin with as well
Me: Yea
Ike: And how do you intend to raise the capital to finance it after you graduate?
Me: **Speechless**
Ike: See what I’m saying? You need to be productive and career-focused from now then you begin your establishment after school
Me: Whoa… I come I never thought about this? Thanks a lot mahn; I’ll start thinking about it from today
Ike: Too late already
Me: What?
Ike: To me, you’re already late. Now look at this; you’re already in your second year and you have two years to graduate right?
Me: Yea
Ike: Ok now look it, before you think about what to do, before you start doing whatever it is you want to do and before you start earning handsomely? Two years won’t be enough believe me
Me: So what do you think I should do?
Ike: Good! I’ve decided on handing over the ownership of one of my top-earning websites to you to begin with**Smiling**
Me: Really?
Ike: Yea
Me: Whoa… that’s awesome, thanks a lot
Ike: The market price of the site is worth $2.7 million
**Both my eyes and my mouth opened up wide in shock**
Ike: **Continued** you earn a monthly income of about $24,000 even more as much as you manage it well
Me: For real?!
Ike: Yea and I’ll partner with you for the next six months with no benefit so I can be able to put you through on how you can run the site effectively.
Me: Thanks so much bro, I really appreciate this; I really can’t thank you enough
Ike: Come on mahn, I’ve empowered so many youths I don’t even know; besides being my sister’s boyfriend, you’re also my friend Ok? So just chill and start preparing for your future
Me: This is great; I shall forever be grateful for this favor
Ike: It’s okay…you will have to text me your email address so I’ll send everything you’ll need to know about the site and how to run it and I’ll also arrange how you’ll be getting your money.
Me: Ok bro, I’ll do that right away
I texted him my email address without wasting time; then I started thinking about it with excitement and astonishment. If I should save such kind of income in three years, I know what I’ll get.
My future is sure! Vames Empire On The Way!! I screamed out loud. I couldn’t even eat that night. I bought suya and ate it with hollandia yoghurt.
I woke up the following morning and the first thing that came into my mind was my new source of income. I couldn’t even focus on my morning reading because of it and we have test that day.
Later in school, I told Mirabel about Ike’s offer; she was happy for me. She called her cousin that moment to appreciate him. After the test, we had another lecture before rounding up for the day. I was so eager to go home; even when I was in the lecture hall, business ideas kept roaming through my head.
I had to drop by an eatery to buy something to eat because Nancy remained in school; she has lecture. On reaching the house, I had to drop down and open the gate as no one was around. I drove in, alighted from the car to go and close the gate only for me to turn around and saw someone with a big scar on his fore-head.
Intruder: Hi, I’m Marcus **Gbow!!**
He accompanied the introduction with a punch straight to my nose; I shifted backward but another intruder behind me pushed me forward to receive a kick from Marcus, but I pushed his (Marcus) leg away. I quickly turned around with a punch hit to the face of the guy behind me – he shifted backwards as well. Two other guys came along to get me down. On seeing them, I adjusted a little to balance myself while they rushed me with punches from all angles till I fell to the ground.
While on the ground, I tightened my fist then rose up and hit one of them straight to the jaw (Uppercut) he went down; I hit another one on the chest before Marcus gave me a super-kick from behind then the force from kick prompted me to head the guy in front of me on his nose before we both fell down. I quickly got up and ran towards Marcus with rage. We engaged in a fist fight. He was very muscular and strong but I didn’t care about it that moment because I fight with anger and I won’t stop until my opponent goes down or something else happens. The other guys dragged me back from him but I shook them off with all my strength and went back to face their leader. I came extremely hard on him this time with a push that got him down; then I pounced on him punching his face as if I was crazy that I totally forgot about the other guys he came with until a heavy plank wood landed on my head and send me off to the other side of the ground. I held my head in pain for many minutes.
Marcus: I warned you! You got lucky that I even gave you a chance; but still you didn’t adhere to my warnings motherf*cka! This is what you get for being a coward!! What you gon’ do now? Common get up and face me! Why can’t you?! You think you’re a tough guy huh? huh?!! Answer me mother*cker! **Kicking me**
Marcus: Guys?
Guys: Yes boss!
Marcus: You know what to do with him **Walking away**
On hearing that, I prayed a fast prayer to God in my mind for mercy and I also declared that I will not die but live and accomplish my life-mission on earth! I started gaining strength while praying before the three guys came closer to me. The first guy that touched me got it back from me as I kicked hard against his penis while I was still on the ground before I quickly stood with my pen and stabbed the second one on his shoulder as he was about to bend down. The third one came hard on me but didn’t get me as I blinded his eyes with a strong slap and punched his stomach continuously till he fell down. Then I ran towards Marcus who was standing before the opened-gate watching the action. On getting closer to him, I suddenly stopped when he brought out a gun and pointed it straight to my skull.
Marcus: Step back!
**I moved a step backward**
Marcus: Now get into the f*cking house! Where you’ll die slow motherf*cker… hahahahaha
**I hesitated thinking of a way of getting his gun**
Marcus: Get in motherf*cker!!
Me: Then what will you do? Kill me? For what? For a girl you have no chance with? Go ahead and kill me!
Marcus: Of course I will kill you. She has loved me more than she ever loved you!
Me: That’s a lie and you it! Your relationship with her didn’t even last for a month
Marcus: Doesn’t matter, she still loves me; you’re the problem for us not coming back together. So with you outta the way…? She’ll crawl back to me!
Me: That’s never going to happen!
Marcus: Maybe not, buh I don’t mind trying or is there harm in trial?
Me: Killing me won’t bring Mirabel back to you; she knows how monstrous you’ve turned into
Marcus: You know… I discovered that, it was only you she had date after me right? So getting her back won’t be much of a problem
Me: She will never get back to yo…
Marcus: **Cuts in** Shut tha fuck up! Now turn around!!
****
Marcus: Turn around you mother*cker!!
Voice: Drop your weapon!
He got distracted when he faced where the voice came from. I didn’t bother to know whose voice it was; I grabbed the opportunity by attacking him with a spear (Those who watch wrestling like WWE will understand what Spear Attack means) the gun fell off his hand then I rushed to get it and pointed it at him while he was still on the ground groaning. Then I saw Police men coming to the scene.
Police: You drop the gun! **talking to me**
Mirabel: He is the victim here officer!
I dropped the gun; one of the Police men collected it from the ground and handcuffed Marcus. I showed them the other three guys behind my car and they arrested four of them.
The Police told me to visit the station tomorrow to write my statement of which I promised to show up. Then they zoomed off. Mirabel was already hugging me.
Mirabel: Are you Ok?
Me: Yea…I’m still alive **Smiling**
Mirabel: Stop joking **Hits my chest** It’s a good thing that we didn’t come too late
Vincent: But bro, how come those guys are also wounded? What happened here?
Dax: I’m shocked myself, how did you do it Vickey?
Mirabel: You guys should let him get medical attention first before questioning him na. But baby how did you managed to…you know…what really happened?
Me: You guys don’t expect me to stay and watch some guys kill me without fighting back right? It will be nicer if you guys can get me a first aid box or something. I need to call Nancy to know if she’s Ok
Vincent: I will do that!
**I turned to look at him somehow suspicious**
Vincent: I meant the First aid stuff **Sounded suspiciously**
Me: Hhmmmm…
I dialed Nancy’s line when going inside; she said she’s fine, that she’s on her way.
Me: I appreciate you guys for the help; thank you guys
Vincent: You’re welcome bro
Dax: We got your back
Me: But how did you guys know that I was in danger? I was surprised
Mirabel: Well…it was from school I sighted Marcus from afar when he sent one guy to call me of which I ignored. I kept an eye on him to see his reaction. When you announced your departure and left, I saw him also stood up with his gangs and left too after some seconds of your departure. I dialed your number multiple times to inform you maybe they were after you but you didn’t pick up.
Me: Yea…I put it silent during the lectures and forgot to remove it from silent
Mirabel: Okay…I got worried; then I informed Dax and Vincent about it before we drove to the police station in the town, we got some police men and hurried here.
Me: Thanks a lot; you saved me from that psychotic obsessed fellow.
Vincent: So…your own side of the story bro; what happened here? How did you manage to…to to…injure them too?
Nancy interrupted with a knock on the gate; Vincent offered to open the gate. She asked what happened to me as soon as she saw me. I told them everything that happened, the scenes, the action and all except the last conversation between me and Marcus.
Mirabel’s mother – the first lady called me later in the evening to greet me about what happened; Mirabel told her. I saved her number after the call and started calling her from time to time. Mirabel call my mother almost every day as well.


TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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THE MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

EPISODE 3

“My dear stop crying and think ahead, crying over split milk dosen’t make any sense” our Landlady advised as she led me to her apartment.
“my life is useless i feel like dying” I weeped,
“my dear stop mocking God, he alone knows the reason he kept you alive, so don’t be ungrateful” she cautioned.

“I however think you should leave your bag with me, return to your family and see if they will accept you” she advised minutes later, after I had calmed down a little. I cleaned my eyes and stared at her with prayers in my lips.

“I pray they do, if not I’m stranded and doomed” I murmured with a broken spirit, knowing fully well the kind of parents I had. Only divine intervention could make them change their stand. But I had no choice than to try my luck once again.

I trekked from Oyibi to Madina street where my parents resided, carrying Akosua with me.
I couldn’t afford using public transport that fateful morning, because I needed to make good use of the little money I had.

Mum was the only one at home when I got there, making me relax a bit as I rested in her shop which was just in front of the house. The fire in her eyes died as soon as she saw me, tears quickly formed in them as she stared at my weak body.

“Aww” was all she could mutter, while I swallowed hard with tears in my eyes. Other mothers would have reached out and carried their daughter’s child who equally was her grand daughter, but she didn’t, instead stared at us with pity.

Even though she never did support Dad’s harsh treatment towards me, she equally never condenmed it, perhaps because I had five other younger sisters, whom they needed to protect by using my punishment as a lesson and example to them.

“Mum help me please I have nowhere else to go, Reginald threw me out of his house this morning” I sobbed and knelt by her side with little Akosua in my arms.

She breathed deeply, scratched her head and stared at the ceiling.
“have you eaten today?” I heard her ask.
“no Mum food isn’t my problem” I replied with tears.
“I have beans let me get some for you” she murmured, left her shop and went into the house to get a plate of beans for me.

She returned with it, dropped the plate on a small stool, and reluctantly carried little Akosua, so that i could to eat properly.

“Please be quick with it, because you have to leave before your Dad shows up, I don’t want his problem today” she urged.
Her comment really broke my heart, but I was already used to such comments. I rushed up with my meal, washed my mouth and thanked her.
“Now you can leave abeg” she murmured and gave me fifty cedis,
“use it to buy some food for your daughter” she added a bit coldly. I closed my eyes out of pain but tears refused to fall out.

“Mum I have no-where to go” I reminded her, but all she did was just to shrug.
“it’s non of my business you aren’t our responsibility anymore, if you have any case, do present it to your father please and not to me” she replied nervously.

Leaving me once again lost, confused and hopeless,“how can I face Dad when Mum is behaving like this” I wondered.
I had hoped with time that their cold behaviour towards me will reduce, but instead of reducing, it only increased.

“Awurade m'awu“ here comes your Dad” Mum exclaimed as she sighted him from afar seconds later, instantly pushing me out of her shop.
I stood outside and waited for Dad defiantly, with a broken spirit and Akosua in my arms,“whatever will be, will eventually be, let it happen now” I said myself as I waited for him to finish me..


What happens next?
EPISODE 4 COMES UP SOON


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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On Test [Read it]


A Man Gave His Shoes To A Cobbler To Repair And The Next Day He Sees The Cobbler Wearing It And He Asked Him Why,then He Shouted : On Test!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-03 00:57:12

205 Views



JOKE BY DINDY [Read it]


view the picture below and laugh like no tomorrow







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-14 21:06:10

186 Views



Wot Will U Do? [Read it]


Just Imagine U Bought 50litres Of Fuel At #200 Per Litre And Ur Old Grandmother Pours It Out To Fetch Rain Water.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-09 14:09:47

288 Views




IF YOU WANT TO THREAD THE PATH OF REVENGE, YOU MUST DIG TWO GRAVES – Some wise guy or something, I’m not good with their names I just take their words to mind.rnA professional “do it all” consultant. From finding missing persons or object to high profile assassination; I’m the guy to call. Been in the business for a while, so on my worst days I’m am considered an experienced professional and on my best days I am a bleeding expert.rnMy name is Kunle Smith and as I lie down here in a pool of my own blood waiting for death’s cold embrace, I cannot help but ask the question : HOW THE Bleep DID IT COME TO THIS.rnTo answer my question I thought back to when it all started to go wrong… The very beginning : Apologies in advance for the gritty nature of what I am about to tell you. Some of us had it rough in the origin department…rnIt’s a Cinderella story really, I was the unplanned fifth of five boys left to fend for myself after my mom died giving birth to number six, the only girl, Vera. The only good thing I had, brothers had all gone off and wound up dead or in jail where they wound up dead anyway and my father buries himself deep in liquor ever since my mum died, hardly gives us the time of day. “I’m hungry!” Vera would yell when she couldn’t hold it in anymore. My father would throw an empty bottle at her as he growled his usual response “be glad I give you a pilow to sleep and a roof over your head, you want something to eat, work it out for yourself.” crying she would beg to go out with me and I would take her. She was special, did all I could to protect her, but really she was the one always taking care of me. Because when she started to put on her lonely lost child act in the center of a town the attention of all the bleeding hearts in the town focuses on her and while they were busy trying to comfort her, I would slowly creep behind them, help myself to all the fancibles and valuables in their pockets and be gone before they realise it. We were happy until one faithful day…. We had a great run, plenty of loose wallets in heaping pile, we were planning on how to go about our spending. “Let’s get ice cream” Vera was saying, when they showed up. About six guys none of them was over twenty by the looks of them but they were all bigger than me. ‘good idea little Dam’ said one of them, “after that we can go to Freddie’s and get us each a girl for the night” added the one who struck me as the leader. With anger I stepped in front of them protectively standing over Vera and our money and said “stand back, our hard work, our money” the leader replied “but it’s on our turf so that makes it our money you are either going to hand it over or get bloodied, you and your pretty little Dam sister, your choice” he laughed. ” Stay away from us” I warned. He came forward eerily looming over, he bent low his face inches from mine and with a suffocating foul breath said “Who’s gonna make me” and all of a sudden they descended on me with punches, sticks, and wait was that a hammer? Oh OK it was a big fist, felt like a hammer though. It was hell I have never experienced such physical pain in my life before. With spared glance I saw Vera throwing rocks at them screaming “leave my brother alone” I wanted to scream, tell her to run but my voice wasn’t working. Then one of Them walked over to her and tried to grab her but she wouldn’t let him. She was squirming under his loose grip I was screaming “vera no, leave her alone!” forcefully Vera managed to break herself free from her attacker. she had used her legs to push as hard as she could against the guy, it’s resulting force propelled her forward right into the main road. And then I HEARD: PAAAAAAANM PAAAAAAANM, it was getting dark so no one really saw it coming, no one heard it blew it’s trumpet, not until it was too late. VERAAAAAA! I screamed with all my strength. It was a freaking horror show me on my knees unable to move, couldn’t stand, couldn’t run, Vera was screaming as the truck hit and then ran over her, I was helpless wishing for it all to stop but it didn’t, almost immediately after everything was quiet. Our attackers fled, the driver fled too he had been driving Without headlights that’s why I had not seen him in time. The truck had crushed her thoroughly scattering Vera’s body parts all over the road. With an overwhelming, an immeasurable and an unimaginable grief in my heart, a realisation came to me: this world is a cruel world, only the wicked thrive. And vera was an angel the world was not meant for her let her go back to heaven that’s were she belongs with angels like her. “goodbye Vera watch over me, they didn’t kill you but they are the reason you are dead and thats the same thing to me, watch as I bring down hell upon those that brought you this gruesome fate”…. I vowed.rn……After that horrible incident, to become stronger, I joined gangs, pushed drugs, abused drugs, engage in Street fights, gang wars, pimped girls over the years, A bloody waste of time if you ask me. For none of it made me strong the way I wanted to be. It was when I got arrested and was sent to prison, that I found the kind of strength I was looking for. Warmed my way to the hearts of the inmates quickly enough. it was after I told my story and expressed my determination for revenge that one of the prison bosses took me in, thought me everything I need to know. Trained me in combat and gun battle, thought me the best revenge path to take. After serving four years of prison time I was released three years ahead of schedule for good conduct, I wasted no time in plotting my revenge course, using the connection Don piccolo (my prison boss) gave me, finding my first target wasn’t hard: The Driver. I traced him to his home town, where he was a mechanic. Immediately I saw him, eight years of anger welled up inside of me. I walked up to him and asked “do you know me”. He gave me a once over look and said “no can I help you with anything?” “you don’t remember me” I asked again. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me then asked “Who are you”. “Do you know vera?” I answered his question with mine. “No and I would like you to leave my property, I am not comfortable with you on it”, he replied as he looked up into my eyes and took a step back. Guessing he must have seen it, the murderous intent in my eyes. Before he could speak I asked him “do you remember the little girl you crushed to pieces eight years ago with that truck” pointing to the last truck at the roll of vehicles on the left. His eyes widened as he remembered, he raised his left hand that held a huge metal spanner and tried to hit me with it but I was quick, I stepped back thrusting forward I jabbed him on the jaw, he staggered back. seeing that he couldn’t fight me he ran back so fast inside his shop and locked the wooden gates, I could hear his footsteps retreating deeper inside. something shiny caught my eyes. The fool had left the key to the truck he was repairing on the ground I picked it up and climed in, then started it, and drove it straight through the gate, as the gate shattered he came into view, his back against the wall, his chest heaving so high I thought his heart was gonna bust out, his eyes as wide as they could go. With a tinge of satisfaction and a small smile on my lips because I liked the fear that resonated from him, it was the same fear that vera felt before dying, I drove the vehicle straight at him crushing him against the wall behind him, I came out of the truck, went out to pick surrounding flowers. Wasn’t really comfortable with it, I didn’t want to leave any trail for the police to track, but I believed it was the right thing to do. The Don had said that It’s meant to be like a sense of knowing for Vera that her killers hadn’t gone unpunished. plus by the time the police caught up, i would have been done with my vengeance mission, dissappeard and started a new life. Placing the flowers on the dead driver I muttered ‘for Vera’.rn

To be continued


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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STARVED OF S*X [Read it]


A Man was starved of sex because his
wife just newly had a baby through
cesarean section. One day, the wife said
to him, "Eeyaa, my love, I know how
you must be feeling because of my
condition. Take this N2000 and go look for someone to satisfy you." Surprised, the hubby quickly grabbed
the money and he left! 45 minutes later, he came back. The
wife, surprised to see her husband so
soon, said, "So soon?" The hubby replied, "I didn't go far, I
went to the neighbour's house, Mrs.
Funmi." The wife asked, "I hope she didn't take
any money from you." The hubby replied, "She did." The wife got very angry and said, "Is she
crazy?! When she just gave birth to her
own child, I was sleeping with her
husband for free!" The husband fainted...
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-21 23:30:57

8660 Views




The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be.

~ Oprah WinfreyRelated

Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Reflective thinking turns experience into insight.

-John MaxwellRelated

Always smile in the morning, it makes people wonder

.

..



….

what you did last night!Related

May you begin this day with a smile on your face;


And with happiness for your soul to embrace.

Good Morning!Related

A boy just came back from America after spending 3 years there. One day, he was hungry so he decided to ask his mother for food.

Boy:- Mom am hungry

Mom:- go to the kitchen and eat your Akpu

Boy:-I need fried rice and chicken garnished with salad.

Mom:- then you are not ready to eat

Through out that day he ate nothing.

the next day he went to his mom again

Son:- mom am hungry

mom:- Akpu is in the kitchen

Son:- I need Doughnut cream salad and beverage.

Mom:- You go real hungry today

He ate nothing that day.

The following day he met his mom again

Son:- Mum am hungry

Mom:- I don't have doughnut cream toaster to give to you

Son:- Mummy na EBA, Akpu, pounded yam and Ogbono soup I won chop ooh.

For more funny jokes like the one above visit www.laughkillme.wapka.mobi

Note:- If you have any problem with laughter, then don't visit www.laughkillme.wapka.mobi because you go double your problem as a result of excess laugh


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-11 15:12:49

562 Views




A man walks up to a woman in his office every day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this she can’t take it any longer. The woman goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, what’s wrong with the coworker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies, “He’s a midget.”Related

Raj Thackeray: Bhaiyya is the problem (on migration in Maharashtra)

Asaram Bapu: Bhaiyya is the solution (on Rape)

Thus implying that “One man’s meat is another man’s poison”.

Latin ProverbRelated

Akpos: My mother's name is LAUGHING and my father's name is SMILING. Teacher: You must be KIDDING. Akpos: No, that's my brother. I'm JOKING.


L oº°??°ºo lzzzz



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-16 08:15:28

302 Views




As far as i am concerned dia ar 3 arms of govt.
They are:
1:The execuTHIEVES
2:The legisLOOTHERS
AND
3:The judiSHARY
'Cos all they do is:THIEVE,LOOTH AND SHARE!!!
**#TRUE OR FALSE#**



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-21 02:39:36

383 Views



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