Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Interviewar: what is ur qualification?

Santa Singh : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?

Santa Singh : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.Related

Teacher: What is the sharpest thing in the world?
Akpos: A Fart.It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-04 16:17:26

601 Views



Heaven and Hell [Read it]


One day a man had a conversation with God and said: "Dear God, I would like to know what heaven and hell are like?" God led the man to two doors, he opened the first one and let the man look inside. In the room there was a large round table and in the middle of the table was a large pot of stew that smelled delicious.
However, the people around the table were thin and sickly, and they seemed to be very hungry. Then te man noticed they had very long spoons tied to there hands, it was possible for everyone to reach out and get the food from the pan, but because the spoons were longer than their arms, they could not bring the spoons to their mouths.
The man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, "Now you have seen hell." and they went to the next room.
God opened the door and the room was exactly the same as the first one, there was also a large round table in the middle of the room containing a large pot of stew. The people had exactly the same long spoons attached to their arms, but these people were well nourished and healthy. They had fun and were laughing and talking with each other.
The man said, "I do not get it, I do not get it!"
God said: "It's pretty simple, you only need to know one thing. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy people only think of themselves.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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You never fail until you stop trying.

~ Florence Griffith JoynerRelated

Mark: brother; how is life and your family?
Joab: they are alright
Mark: Good to know, what about your wife and Isabella
Joab: will you stop asking me about that evil girl
Mark: why? is she no longer your daughter? you used to love her very much; what happen?
Joab: will you drop this topic
Mark: i'm just concern
Joab: then keep it to yourself, am out of here (exit Joab)
Clara: Good day mark
Mark: good day, what are you doing here? your husband just left and my wife is not at home
Clara: i didnt come for your wife neither my husband. people say one does not go to bed when his house is on fire
Mark: is there any problem
Clara: everyone wears a cloth to cover his nudity even if his body is like a wood that is been eaten by termites; having breath itself means so much troubles talk less of adding anxiety to this breath
Mark: you talk in riddles, i dont get you
Clara: yes my heart is heavy and my breath is slowly snap out of me, i'm choking to death slowly because of guilt of life because i felt i did what was right because i wanted to save my husband , no; i want to save myself to be precise
Mark: what are you saying
Clara: i know my husband has been acting really different from the way he used to; since; we return from the hospital, when i almost lost my daughter Isabella, after the accident he has really change; he now called me prostitute indirectly. i have never cheated on him and during those period that he was down before i gave birth and i was heavy with....(she paused) my son; sorry my daughter Isabella; i didnt leave his side not for once; even though his family said i change their son for my unborn baby that i am evil but i did gave birth to a male child but he survive and i am happy that God has blessed me with Isabella; she gave me joy again and no one will take her away from me not even Joab (she start walking away)
Mark: wait; hold on; get hold of yourself; everything will be fine with time

Clara: i just prayed that when that time eventually comes; i should still have this breath (she left)
Mark: hey body; you came back
Joab: i left my phone
Mark: your wife was there
Joab: what was she doing here
Mark: she is sad; she is going through rough times all because of you
Joab: she is not because of me but over her guilty mind
Mark: what do you mean?
Joab: nothing; i'm leaving
Mark: wait friend
JOAB: dont try to stop me and dont come after me (he left) where is that harlot of a woman
Isabella: dad, are you back?
Joab: may it not be well with you
Katherina: dad; you are placing a curse on your own daughter
Joab: i will do worse to her, if you dont take her out of here
Clara: if you ever have mental problem go get it taken out of your system and if you are depress go get your problem sort out
Joab: i am depress,mentally disorder, of cause; i am but it is all because of you; you made me look stupid, foolish in front of those doctors; how can i give birth to a child whose genotype is AS when both of us are AA
Clara: children leave us alone (exit both)
Joab: so you are ashamed to say the truth in front of your children; i should had know that i was dying because my wife cheated on me not because she exchange me for her unborn baby (she slapped him) you are crazy (he hit her continuously)
Isabella: dont you think we should go inside; why is dad so mad at mom?
Katherina: i dont know but i dont think we should go inside
Isabella: but i am scared (back to then)
clara: you are evil; i did everything just for you; yes, she is not your daughter (he hit her on the head and she fell)
Lola: Katherina; what are you going outside
Isabella: dad is beating up mom, i hate dad
Lola: dont say that
Julia: what are you doing outside
Katherina: we are just...
Isabella: dad is fighting mom
Lola: Bella
Julia: is it true
Lola: yes grandma (they ran inside but Clara is on the floor) mother
Isabella: mom you are bleeding
Clara: my daughter remember whatever happen, know that i love you and always bear in mind that everything i did was to make me and you happy; even your sibling; even if i'm no longer here, know that i'm still your mother and please if you find another mother please dont forget me
Isabella: i can never find another mother; no one will replace you and you are not leaving
Clara: Lola; Katherina; please promise me no matter what happen and what you find out in the future; dont ever leave your sister or feel that i betrayed you. i did all for you
Katherina: mom, what are you doing? what are you saying? dont tell us you are leaving
Clara: you are grown up you can always care for the family
Julia: Clara; what are you saying
Clara: yes mom; i cant hold on to this anymore; please take good care of my daughter and please dont ever give her back let the secret remain with us and promise me, you will take it to your grave, as i am doing

Zippor: Isabella; your name as been shortlisted, so you are now part....
Clara: i love you all, Zippor; i love.....(she took his hand and place it on Isabella and take her last breath and died)
Isabella: mom please wake up; dont leave us just yet; i havent fulfilled all my dreams, i wouldnt be able to hold on to it
Katherina: why is she not moving
Julia: you killed my daughter Joab; are you happy now?
Joab: i didnt killed her Isabella did
Zippor: no oh! mom please stand up
Lola: what is wrong?
Julia: children please stop it; mom is death; she is gone
Mark: what is chasing you?
Joab: i killed her; yes i did but i didnt mean to; i saw her died slowly but i couldnt do anything about it
Mark: slow down i dont get you
Joab: she is dead
Mark: who is dead?
Joab: my wife is dead
Mark: clara is dead?
Joab: yes
Mark: what? who killed her?
Joab: i did but i didnt mean to, believe me
Mark: what will you do now?
Joab: i have to escape; the police will soon be here
Mark: what about your children?
Joab: please let me go
Mark: hey the police are here
Joab: oh no
Police: i'm inspector Emma; whom among you two is Joab
Mark: he is the one
Police 2:you are under arrest for the murder of one mrs Joab Clara who happen to be your wife
Joab: let go of me; i didnt kill her
Police 2: keep quiet because whatever you say or do will be used against you in court of law
Joab: i said i am innocent; mark go tell my kids what happen
Mark: dont worry; i will do that; i will come after
Zuriel: home; mom
Obedient: why is the entire house empty dad
Zeal: Mercy; where is your madam
Mercy: sir
obed: where is my mother?
mercy: she went to the market
Zeal: and where is my wife
Mercy: who is your wife sir
Zeal: dont play dump with me
mercy: sorry sir; she left me a letter
Zeal: you are sorry for what? and why didnt she call me
Mercy: i dont know sir
Zeal: alright; you can leave already Mercy: Alright sir
Zeal: My handsome; i have to leave to set you free not because i dont love you or my love for you has grow cold but because i sincerely love you and i am tired of hurting you. someone once told me, if you love someone you set them free because of my love for you; i'm letting you go; i want to set you free because i'm the problem in your life; i cause them because of your love for me and because of your heart you given but i am happy you gave them to me; i enjoyed every single day i know you; you always make me happy that is while i want to make it up to you and please whatever happen dont ever make my son feel that i dont love him that is while i left him behind; always remind him of the love i have for him and please whatever happen in the future please dont ever feel i cheated on you and always know that he is your son take good care of him for me and protect him; give him the love i'm suppose to give; even if you have to act not just as a father but also as a mother. i know by the time you get this note; i will be far gone and please dont look for me; from love Melisa
Alice: what is going on
Zeal: she left us for good
Alice: she left you? what happen to all the love she prophesy for you? what a shame?
Zeal: up till now; she still love me; she sacrifice her pride just for me
Zuriel: dad where is mom?
Alice: your mom left you behind just because she doesnt love you
Zeal: woman; will you seal up that thing you called mouth
Alice: but i'm saying the truth; which mother in her right senses will leave her son behind when moving out of her matrimonial home; what a shame; your mother doesnt love you
Zuriel: that is not true; mom loves me
Alice: you wish; if she does? why is she not here?
Zeal: shut up; dont listen to her
Zuriel: i want to see my mom


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Smart phone [Read it]


A conversation between Akpos and Emeka:


AKPOS: Emeka. Please, give me your phone, I want to call my girlfriend. I don't have credit in mine.
EMEKA: (hands phone to Akpos) No problem, but be quick with the call. 
AKPOS: Thanks alot. 


(Akpos dials girlfriend's number, makes a quick phone call and then returns happy and excited)


AKPOS: O boy, this your phone na correct phone oh, wetin be the name?
EMEKA: Yes oh, na blackberry smart phone.
AKPOS: Kai, no wonder dem dey call am 'smart phone'. The phone sabi no be small. Do you believe, when I typed and dialled my girlfriend's number on your phone, it showed the number as 'My love'. How did your phone know that I'm calling my girlfriend?


One word for Akpos?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-29 16:04:54

465 Views




DON'T LET YOUR EX DESTROY YOUR RELATIONSHIP & MARRIAGE
.
One of the most delicate relationship problems is the issue of EX LOVERS.
Keeping a close contact with your EX is not advisable if you have started another relationship. Also friendship with an EX cannot continue after marriage. Have you ever thought of why they left or behaved the way they did? The truth is that if they truly loved and missed you, they shouldn't have abandoned you or dumped you, they would have either married you or break up with you mutually.
My beloved pals, be careful how you relate with your Ex, never discuss your current relationship with your EX. It is a dangerous path to thread.
If you have started a new relationship or you are married, please keep your EX at a distance. They should please step aside while you enjoy your relationship, dating or marriage.
Now pay attention to this bitter facts, Some EX lovers are very crafty, smart, wicked, stubborn and can as well blackmail you to do his or her bidding. They can be very desperate.
Most of them behave like something that's being controlled by AMADIOHA. Most times they can suddenly wake up, and start hunting for you under the guise of let's come back together, you are my life, ever since I left you, I haven't known peace, is the work of the Devil, I don't know what came over me, I need you back, please give me a second chance blablabla.
If you find yourself in such a situation, do not be naive to fall for his or her crap if you have found a new relationship that you are happy with or if you are already married.
EX Lovers always come with stories that touches the heart so don't give a hut. Because it can ruin your happiness the second time and forever. I have counselled a good number of single and married people who end up having affairs with their EX. To be candid, most EX wrecked their homes leaving them frustrated and in perpetual agony. Once you are caught, your relationship and marriage wouldn't be the same again.
Let me be candid with you, we are humans, and emotions don't die. It is not easy to forget an EX. Especially the ones you shared your heart, body, soul, money, time, affection, attention, love and togetherness with the person.
So the feelings you have for your EX lovers haven't died completely but for you to move on and enjoy your relationship, dating or marriage with your new partner, you need to keep your EX Lover away, restrict communications if possible and love your Man or Woman like they are the only one in the world.
Most times, you may bump into your EX Lover, you need not turn back to look twice, because if you do, you may suddenly discover that you still have hidden feelings and passions for an Ex and any mistake may trigger an affair which doesn't end peacefully.
Little wonder some Men and Women still sleep with their EX while still under a new relationship or in their husband's house.
What did you really miss in your EX? Is it the abuse, the heartbreak, sex, penis, vagina, money, swag, romance, etc? Are you really being fair to the new person you are with.
Can't you calmly teach him or her how you like it, how you desire to be cared for, romanced, kissed, touched, smiled at and given attention all the time, can't you make it work? Why going back to your vomit?
Say no to an Ex relationship, unless you are with no one and you see genuine repentance and change in him or her, then you can give it a rethink.
Keep your EX Lover off your relationship, dating, marriage and all that has to do with your private life.
Better watch it, they always come back when you are happy, when you are about to marry and when someone has given you what they couldn't offer you which is true love.
Your EX Lover took a decision to turn his or her back on you, its his or her choice not to marry you and now that you are happily married or in a good relationship, they should leave you alone and let you enjoy your relationship, dating, courtship and matrimony.
Beware Most Ex are manipulators. Shine your eyes. You don't resolve
heartbreak by having an affair with an Ex lover thereby breaking your partners heart.







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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“There was a robbery at Akpos’ neighbour’s house and he called 199

Next thing he heard was:

Welcome to Nigeria Police Emergency Center, for English press 1, for Igbo press 2, for Yoruba press 3, for Hausa press 4,

Akpos pressed 1, and another voice came u..

For car accident press 1,for armed robbery press 2, for Boko Haram please hang up….

He pressed 2, and another voice came up….

If they’re with knives press 1, pistols press 2, AK47 press 3, machine guns press 4, bombs press 5, all of the above press 6…

Akpos checked and saw that the armed robbers were with all of them, so he pressed 6… then a voice came up saying….

“Hmmmm…! My friend, if your brother is a policeman, will you let him go?”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-09 08:28:17

206 Views




Life is like a piano.

White keys are happy moments;

And Black keys are sad moments;

But remember both keys are played together to give sweet music!Related

This girl is really something else, she didn’t even
wait for my response before she starts pulling me
to the pool.
Me: Hey! stop, I’m not prepared to swim please…
Lola: Do U have to be prepared?? Don’t U know
how to swim?
Me: I can swim, buh…
Lola: C’mon it will be fun,,, don’t be a joy-kill
Me: Lola, seriously I’m not prepared for this…
maybe some other time Ok?
Lola: Now is more better, the water is cool and
suitable for relaxing the body, mind and the brain
trust me…
This thing that Lola is bringing I don’t really
understand. I have to avoid her in order to avoid
stories that touches the heart.
Before I could alter any word, Mirabel just showed
up…
Mirabel: Hey guys
Lola: Hi Mirabel
Me: Hey dear
Mirabel: I can see U guys are catching up,,, mind
if I join the gist?
Me: Uhmm…
Lola: Don’t mind him Mirabel, he can’t even swim
Mirabel: Of course he can, right dear?
Me: Yes dear,,, I love swimming
Lola: Oh really?
Me: Sure
Lola: Why then U didn’t proved it earlier?
Me: I’m jus…
Mirabel: He turned me down earlier too. Baby,,,
are U sure U can swim? We could teach U if U
can’t
(Ok,she calls me baby again! I hate it!! I gat to
tell her)
Me: I’m just not in mood for swimming, maybe
some other time
Lola: Whatever…. fear fear (cat-walking away)
Mirabel: Iffa burst your teeth eh… na my love U
call fear fear?
(So Mirabel speaks pidgin? But the pidge no
sweet to hear….. U know that kind ajebo pidgin
na)
Mirabel: Lets go in Love, the food is almost ready
(using both her hands round mind waist and her
head on my shoulders)
We got in to her house and something seems
unusual…
Me: Where are your guards?
Mirabel: I gave them two days leave,,,, U seat
here while I go check whats on fire (she kissed
me then ran off to the kitchen)
Well, its a good thing that f?ckin’ frank of a guard
isn’t around ‘coz I hate seeing him. I prefer
seeing the female one Jummy, she’s kinda hot.
Talking about hot and sexiness, I think Lola is a
perfect description. The girl has it all,,, to tell U
guys the truth, vame responds to stimuli when
she threw her body on me when she tried to grab
me to the pool. Her huge pointed boobs almost
almost…. chai!
I better stop thinking about that.
Me seated admiring the apartment, very
beautiful… there I sighted our President’s portrait
and that of our first lady. She must be a patriotic
citizen to have those on her wall…. But, those
were not their official portrait,,,, how did she get
this? Wow… my babe get leg wella be that.
She’s taking too long already, I decided to join
her in the kitchen. I managed to locate the
kitchen after wandering about the house.
She was slicing cabbage when I got there, I
slowly walked towards her, held her waist from
behind then landed her soft kisses on her neck
(How I’ve always liked such kind of moment, very
romantic,,, I love movies)
Mirabel: (jokingly)Hey hey hey mister don’t eat
me up, the food is almost ready
Me: (In Frank Artus voice) I can’t wait no longer
baby…
Mirabel: So,,, what do U intend to do then?
(turning around to face me)
Me: I feel like eating U up
Mirabel: Oh really? (Placing both her hands on
my neck romantically, Chai!)
We drew our lips closer till they met which
results to a passionate kissing… It was getting
more intense as she was rubbing my back and
head. I grabbed her from the back and raised her
upwards so her legs round my waist still kissing
then placed her on a table close by… she starts
unbuttoning my shirt still kissing…
Mirabel: Opps! The food is burning!!
She got away from the hot romance to drop the
food down.
Mirabel: Good thing I remembered, I didn’t even
perceived the smell. Its all your fault
(romantically)
Me: Well I was hungry how is it my fault? When I
came to the kitchen to find out if the food is
ready only to find something better
Mirabel: (Seductively) And what could that be?
Me: (caressing her hair) Some one so special
that can make her boyfriend resist hunger, that
can make a man’s worries to go away in a hurry,
that can turn an angry man into a smiling fool,
that can make a man to blush with out a cause.
Her beauty supersedes all beauties, her presence
could open a folder in every man’s heart. Even
the most pretty girl in the world with the crown
would get jealous of her ‘coz she got the crowd.
Who is she? I’m the proud boyfriend of the
amazing, astonishing, stunning lady.
Mirabel: If U don’t run to the dining this moment,
I’m going to eat up your lips this minute (wildly).
Me: Huh?
Mirabel: Go! Before U set my head ablaze,,, its
getting smoky already.
I mean… woah… are U a poet?
Me: No dear,,, its the manifestation of love
Mirabel: Gosh! U’re so romantic and I so much
love U for that
Me: I love U more dear
We kissed again and kissed for about a minute
before…
Mirabel: Lets go and eat before I lose control and
the food would probably get cold U know
Me: True… lemme help U, where are the
yoghurts?
Mirabel: Geez!
Me: What?
Mirabel: Nothing,,, its in the fridge
Me: Cool
I rushed to the fridge at once to get the yoghurt…
wow, inside her fridge was so handsome full with
many things… I grabbed one big hollandia
yoghurt then went to dining. I changed my mind
by going to the sitting room, sat on the floor
leaning against a chair.
Mirabel: So this is where U want to eat?
Me: No,,, this is where I want us to eat.
She dropped down the fine breakable tray
containing the food, plates, knife/fork and
tumblers. I love drinking yoghurt on tumblers.
She opened up the food…
Me: This look really good…
Mirabel: Why won’t it loo…
The entrance door suddenly burst open letting in
an intruder…

>> Part 24 -

Alex traveled to Lagos after his
WAEC result was out so that his
Uncle will help him get admission
into the University of Lagos to study
medicine and become a medical
doctor.
The following conversation came up:
Alex: Uncle, I learnt it's difficult to
gain
admission into the university these
days
except you are well connected
Uncle: That's true.
Alex: Since you are connected, I
came to ask you if you can help me
get admission into the university
after my JAMB
Uncle: That's true... am connected
and I will help u.
Alex: Thank you Uncle
Uncle: You're welcome... so how is
your result, is it WAEC or NECO and
how many credits did you get?
Alex: Uncle, it's WAEC, I had only two
credits in Agric and Yoruba
language but I failed the rest.
Uncle: Well, that's not bad, you can
still be a doctor, not a medical
doctor really but native doctor
(babalawo).... You will use your
credit in agric in collecting herbs
from the forest, and Yoruba language
for
incantations.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-20 01:08:15

471 Views



Akpos again [Read it]


Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested??
Akpos: A teacher!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-01 17:47:26

849 Views




Continues..
******next day*********
( getting read for lecture. Putting on my bra and panties)
Me: Miranda stand up na. Go and put on something you can't just take your bath and lie down again.
Miranda: hmmmmmm I want to sleep more(stretching )
Me: sleep more keh. Shebi I told you to stop pinging last night but you refused.
Miranda: don't blame me ooo. Or do you think I subscribed for nothing? Abeg leave me ooo. Life is meant to enjoy not to suffer.
Me: madam, I have heard you. So please take your tiny body out of the bed and put on some clothes. I am waiting( done with my clothes and now over to my makeup) don't make me go late to class. Belinda has gone since.
Miranda: and for your mind na lecture she go? Mtcheeeeew.
Me: you get boyfriend wey dey handle you for bed?
Miranda: yes but he nor dey bed me oo.
Me: no wonder if not you for nor still dey here by now.
Melinda: what of you na who be your boyfriend?
Me: I don't have. I am still single. I broke up with my boyfriend. Could you imagine the idiot got angry because I didn't get an admission into the university he is attending? So I broke up.
Miranda: hahahhah you get mind o. But dat kind if guy foolish o.(putting on some makeups I was already done with mine) if you don't have a boyfriend here, you never jand be that ooo.
Me: who band don help na jand I come here to do?
Miranda: you said you were a biochemist right?
Me: yes, why?
Miranda: because Brenden, the leader of B.B is in your department.(shouting and holding my cheeks)
Me: whoa whoa stop your shouting. What so special about him?
Miranda: you will fall for him I bet you(winking her eyes at me)
Me: God forbid. Fall for a guy?? Hell no!!
Miranda: you are acting cool. You said you won't fall for preston and now you are telling me you won't for brenden. You are just kidding me. Well I don't blame you its because you haven't seen them.
Me: why am I the one to fall for them?? Why can't they fall for me??. And did you also fell for them when you saw them??
Miranda: they can't fall for you because they won't notice you( sticking out her tongue at me). And yes, I fell for them but did not get noticed. So I gave up. I can't be fooling myself for them instead I got over it.(picking up her hand bag from her bed and dusting her jean both of us were set to go).
Me: whatever!! We shall see! (We both left for class but we departed when I got to my department).
To be continued after comments..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Are you a student in any field related to Finance,
Engineering, Statistics, Information Technology,
Economics, Commerce, Law, Medicine, Humanities,
Social Sciences, Nursing Administration, Education,
Theatre?
Do you have a national ID card or school ID?
Are you willing to work from 8.30am - 2.00pm
Monday to Thursday and 9.00am - 12.00noon on
Friday?
Are you ready to accept and take home a salary of
50,000usd per month, transport allowances of
5,000usd per month, Housing allowance of
10,000usd per month, lunch allowance of 3,000usd
per month?
Are you ready to travel out of the country at least
twice every quarter to USA or any destination of
your choice with your partner?
THEN DON'T WORRY! ..YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! ..
I'm also looking for such a job!!! If you find one
#please call me too! #nahJokeOoooo #B-goF #AoN



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-31 00:50:05

295 Views




THE PEN (THE LAST EPISODE 5) STORY BY DINDY
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.

Weeks passed and I was in my last drops of ink. I knew my time to be thrown away was coming someday, but I didn't expect it to happen at this level of life I'm in --I am was a month old which is equal to that of a man in his 50s--.
It was really hurtful for me to know that, all my knowledge would go with me and all the lovely times I spent with my master was going to be all wiped away by the power of death.
I was beginning to miss the way daniel held, touched and used me. Although he was using me to write his english assignment, I still missed him because I knew my end was close at hand.
I could still remember the day I solved my first math with him, we were in his room and he was about to write his assignment, which was given to him by his math teacher.
When he started solving the math. At first, I didn't understand all that "3x+2=6", but when he was done I realized that the question was looking for a "x" which was an unknown value.
--But seriously why do humans, whom have higher level of understanding choose to find an unknown value?. If it's unknown, then leave it that way simple because it was not meant to be known, but really you guys need to stop that because it could make you go gaga sometimes when you get confused.--
When he moved to the next assignment, it was more easier because it was english!. I so love that subject, it is very easy.
The only thing with English, is that it changes like a seasonal water.
After his assignments he left me and the book there, while he went out of his room leaving the door open. I got a chance to see how the other side of his room looks like.
--I had never got the chance to see the out side of his room because he always kept me in his bag.--
With the little I saw, I could tell that his room was more beautiful, but inside me I knew that some day I would have the chance to see how it fully looks like.
As I allowed my thoughts to engulf me, a human came from the door approaching me in a speedy motion. She picked me up, I didn't find it normal for another human to pick a pen that doesn't belong to him/her.
--When I was first owned by daniel, i saw so many things wrongly and I even saw some wrong things as the right things. Let me just say, things were rather confusing than straight forward for me.--
As she walked to the other side (out of Daniel's room), I felt so fab. At that time, I didn't even remember that it was not Daniel that was holding me.
As she fully stepped out, i then had the chance to see the whole place. It was more beautiful than I thought, it was high above beauty.
In my mind, I was like "no wonder Daniel left me in his room, this place it awesomely outstanding".
--If only you could understand, how it feels to see something you've never seen and you wished for it, then it comes quicker than an order you placed on SLOT or JUMIA or KONGA.--
There was more light and space outside, than in Daniel's cage --I called Daniel's room so many things back then, like cage and prison--
I didn't enjoy full time with the beauty that beheld me. She took a left turn and she landed herself in front of another door which was quite not to far from Daniel's room.
She then turned the nob on the door, which was facing her, then she opened it with a little force.
When we got in, I saw an older human (man), I thought to myself that he might be the owner (aka dad) of Daniel because he looks to much like Daniel.
She pushed her hand forward to give me to him, then he collected me from her.
He then place me beside a book, as he stood up to put on a switch. At first I didn't like the idea of moving from one human hand to the other.
When I thought of it over again and came to a conclusion at that point, that if the human (man) is daniel's owner, then it's okay if he used me.
A minute later, I started feeling a cold chill on my body. I began to wonder how possible is it for a room to have weather change.
It was not common to me, the temperature of the room dropped gradually, so did my ability to gave out my ink.
The more the place got colder, the more I became more and more dizzy by the passing minutes.
The problem was not only that my ability to gave out ink became weak, but also that the man kept on hitting my small head.
He later dropped me down beside a book --I think he was fed-up of hitting and hitting me continuously--.
After some minutes later, she came back (the girl that picked me) --I think the man called her because he was fed up of using a pen like me--.
He then gave me back to her, then she hurried back to drop me in Daniel's room, as she passed the most beautiful place I had ever seen in my life.
When she finally dropped me, I was happy because my wish came to life under minutes --that was the best time, I have ever had in my life--.
.....PRESENTLY....
I don't have much time, I think I'm in my last seconds ink. My hopes are that Daniel becomes the greatest human in life.
He is such an out standing kid, with high knowledge of what he wants to be........
.......THE WRITER.......
The pen wasn't able to finish up its words because it was out of ink, it died a happy PEN.
As for Daniel, he kept the pen in his bag all through his school days and he became the man the PEN wished for.
THE END
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi



With one last look at Adaora,Ngozi opened the door wide for her to enter.
Adaora took time observing the wide parlour.She couldn't remember when last she was in that parlour.
She forced out a little smile on seeing their father's old picture hanging somewhere on the wall with other frames.Ngozi had begged her husband to allow her put it there so she can always remember him with it.

Adaora reached for it and rubbed her hands across it.She developed hatred for him when he gave almost all he had to Ngozi and only but few to her.
She turned her face to Ngozi who kept staring at her and went back to where she was sitting.

Ngozi went in and soon emerged with a glass of cold water for her.She lifted the glass of water,stole a glance at Ngozi and gulped it down.


Ngozi was sitting on the large sofa while Adaora sat on a separate one.Adaora retreated to ponder in her heart whether to unravel the heavy secret.She knew it wasn't something Ngozi would take easy with.

"I must start by apologising to you.I have done you harm time without number out of envy.We both know it all started after our father's will was revealed"Adaora began.

Ngozi nodded,waiting patiently for her to bring up her daughter issue as she stressed out earlier.What is it about Angela she wants to say?

"The reason why i am here is because of your daughter"Adaora revealed again.

"Angela?"

"Not Angela"Adaora answered.

"Then who? How many daughters do i have?"Ngozi was loosing her patience.

"I know you have the right to even strangle me to death or report me to the police if you choose to be merciful but i have to say it.She has suffered untold hardship with me.I derived no joy from her suffering.I wished i could give her the better life you would have given her but instead,she work day and night,wearing herself out inorder to get money to buy me drugs......"

"Who are you talking about?"Ngozi interrupted her.

"Many years ago,a baby girl was taken away from you by some armed men.I had a hand in it"Adaora dropped the bombshell.

Ngozi stood up on her feet with eyes as sharp as the sun,coming close to her.

Adaora stood up too,not to fight her back if she comes for a fight but to defend herself from her if she does so.And just like she guessed,Ngozi fell upon her like the falling olympus,tearing and pulling at her clothes and hair.

Mr.uwa returned just then and beheld the unholy sight.He quickly drew out his wife.Adaora made no attempt of retaliation and it came clear to him that Ngozi was the one fighting her.Though she was the one shedding tears.

"What is going on here?"He demanded,looked at his wife for an explanation but when he saw she wasn't going to say anything,turned to Adaora,wondered what might have prompted her coming to his house in the first place.

Adaora composed herself together.Those punches really gave her great pains.

"I need you to undestand and forgive me,"Adaora drawled, "Your daughter's maid is your daughter but now,she is in a situation that i cannot help her... but you can.You can stop her from going to prison with your wealth and influence"

Ngozi felt her heart ache.Heat suddenly filled her body.That young woman,her daughter?



The car pulled up in front of the police station.Mr.uwa,his wife and Adaora came down and went inside the station.

One of the policemen took them to Sonia,who was surprised to see Angela's parents there.She thought they must have heard what she did.
Mrs.Ngozi held her face and looked into her eyes.Those eyes looked exactly like Angela's.Her lips look exactly like her own lips.She fought the threatening tears and locked Sonia in a thight embrace,keeping her heart racing.

Angela couldn't grab anything,her confusion got to it's climax.

"Mom what is happening?"She turned to Adaora.


"Relax.We are going to make sure you come of here.We are going to hold talks with the necessary personnels.We are also going to contact that lady behind all these"Mr.uwa assured her.

"I shot her this morning"Sonia whispered to them.

"You shouldn't have done that.You are not a murderer"Mr.uwa broke the silence Sonia words created.


"Dont worry about anything.We are going to see if she's dead or alive"Ngozi held her close again,leaving her in the wildest of imaginations,"oh your hair looks ruffled"Ngozi produced a comb from her handbag and ran it severally over Sonia's natural hair,making sure some of the hair got caught in the comb.
After that,she left with her husband.

"Mom?"Sonia looked into her mother's eyes for some sort of explanation.

"One thing i want you to know is that i am only human.but what i am doing now is for your own good.Don't worry,you would soon get to understand"Adaora said,trying to hide the guilt in her eyes.



As soon as Mr.uwa left the hospital with his wife,he brought out his phone and dialled the family doctor's line.

"Helo sir"

"Doctor Ben.I am coming over. I need you to run a DNA test for me"

"Alright sir"

>>

LAUGH SMALL [Read it]


I don tire for all this yoruba
women. self....... Naso I wan go
visit someone for togate at
ibadan this last weekend. On my way goin, I felt
so
tasty. then I saw a woman selling
Zobo! I asked her in english if its
cold? I notice that the woman
does not understand english .
Nah so I con ask her in yoruba
( in ibadan accent) that "Mama,
soboyin tutu?" Nah so d woman
reply," Ori e lo buru, OBO IYARE
LOMA GBONA IWO OMO
RADARADA YI,
Plz shey nah abuse I abuse d woman


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-07 09:33:05

501 Views



quote [Read it]


1. The little opportunity given to a monkey to wear cloths, does not guarantee it to join the dining table.
2. Girls are like mangoes, while you are waiting for them to be ripe, others are eating them with salt.
3. Whoever presents his own head to break coconut would not be able to partake in the eating of it.
4. A man who hangs around a beautiful girl without saying a word ends up fetching water for guests at her wedding.
5. A man who counts his money after withdrawing money from the ATM has trust issues.
6. If something that was going to chop off your head only knocked off your cap, you should be grateful.
7. When a girl has beauty without Brains, the Private parts suffer the most.
8. Having a Female as a Best friend is like having Chicken for a pet, You will eat it some day.
9. The wolf on the hill is not as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill.
10. Never let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent & kick them out.
11. Life goes on, Even if you don't want it to.
12. Drinking garri doesn't mean you're poor but allowing it to swell before drinking is poverty.
13. The buttocks are like a married couple though there is constant friction between them, they will still love and live together.

What number is your favorite? ????...


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Hotel bill [Read it]


An old married couple were traveling by car. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room at a hotel. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out of the hotel four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for$350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He told the clerk although it’s a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that$350 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.“But we didn’t use them,” the husband said.“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager. The Manager went onto explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” the husband said.“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, “But we didn’t use it!”The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave upand agreed to pay. As he didn’t have the check book, he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But ma’am, this is made out for only$50.00.”“That’s correct. I charged you$300.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-03 16:32:02

1070 Views



smart boy apkos [Read it]


conversation betwee an old man and akpos. MAN; boy imagine u oneday found yourself in the middle of the evil forest and lions, tigers, elephants, pythons and hyenas are approaching, what will you do? AKPOS: papa, its very simple, i will stop imagining and ask u to continue for me. OLD MAN: fool cant u see im old? i cant imagin well!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-13 01:54:30

510 Views




Akpos gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushed upstairs to find his naked on the bed, sweating, and panting. "what's up?" he asked. "i'm having a heart attack" cries the woman. He rushed downstairs to grab the phone for ambulance, but just as he's calling, his 4-year-old son came up and said. "Daddy! Daddy!! Uncle fred is hiding in your closet and he gat no cloth on". Akpos slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother totally naked, covering on the closet floor. "you idiot". Akpos says. "my wife is having a heart attack, and you are here running around naked scaring the kids". Hahahahahahahahahahaha. One word for mr akpos?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-23 13:40:55

547 Views




This morning akpos was in
a barbing saloon getting a
hair cut, while barbing,
akpos saw a beautiful lady
sitting patiently in the
saloon.

Akpos: Hello young lady,
you look so beautiful.
Lady: Thank you.

Akpos: Can we go on a date
tomorrow night?

Lady: Sorry, i am married.

Akpos: You can tell your
husband you are going to
visit a friend or whatever.

Lady: Tell him yourself, he is
the one barbing your hair.

{if you were to be the
barber, what will you have
done to akpos?}




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-26 19:33:08

629 Views





Daer Sir
I'm writter this letter with haters and tell you that
I'm leave your school for good enough.
The why of the leave it is because at your school,
the teachers are beat us very harmful and very sad.
Sometimes one day of once upon a time, I wanted
to cried but my friends telled me a man is a sheep
he is not a cry. I was silent but vibrating in and out.
Another why is because of discriminate, we writted
a test and I'm cheated, I get 20% that I'm not
deserved. The teachers says my head is dead. Oh, it
pained me too much.
I will tell you plenty things when you want us early
in the morning but Sir you must know it is very ice
in the morning, blanket is not want to be removed
from body, I wake up early but I am come late. I'm
write exzam study at another school.
Great your wife and childish. Pliz tell all childs of
school that I'm say good bye for ever and ever
amen.
Your's faithfool
JackSolo
REPLY FROM THE PRINCIPAL.
Jesu....dis guy are a first classed idiot...only an
letters he cant written comfortedly..this was some
insult on top of my schooling respectation..I knows
all the types of teachers on this our schools carry a
PHD inside their curse on the uniferzity...and he
even have some of the rights to told me to great
the childish on the schools...ehhh maybe he are a
cultish boy..he wanted to implication this childrens
inside his cultness..I am really unbearable towards
this letter..Mtchee I guessed him are repeated
elementary six..Infact as a matter on fats, I have
sack you as a student..nunsince..
Yours principality
Mr. Bonkat


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-10 15:57:24

794 Views



English Lesson [Read it]



Laugh! Laugh!! ==========
Teacher: Today we'll talk about question tags.
Examples;
1. She is coming, isn't she?
2. They have eaten, haven't they?
Teacher: Who can give me another example?
Abu: Sir!, na Yam we go chop 2day, chopn't we?
Teacher: What kind of sentence is that, pls who can
help correct him?
Akpos: Sir, na yam we go chop 2day, yamn't we?
Teacher: U guys must be stupid, must u joke with
everything....oya Emmanuella as we've already known
u're brilliant give us an example.
Emmanuella: Na motor go kill our teacher, killn't it?
Teacher: Na motor go kill ur father, stupid girl.
. Don't laff kill urself, urselfn't u?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-08 09:44:29

418 Views




The day seems to be quite cool as the
evening was approaching. It could be my AC
though ‘coz i switched it on to keep the
place cool. It wasn’t that long when Mirabel
left my place. We studied, gists, played,
kissed and all that.
About 40 minutes later, I heard a knock on
my gate. I imagined who it was only to
check the hole of my gate to see Lola
standing there patiently. I opened the gate
not letting her in yet.
Me: Heyy Lola…
Lola: Hi Victor
Me: How did U know I live here?
Lola: Lemme say,,, I did my homework
Me: Is that so?
Lola: Aren’t U letting me in?
Me: Oh sorry about that, I was just surprised
to see U here. Come in please
Lola: Thank U
She said that cat-walking into the building.
She looked around the parlor for a few
seconds
Lola: Nice place
Me: Thanks
Lola: I guess Mirabel aren’t scared of s£x
anymore
Me: Huh?
Lola: **laughs** U know, looking at U,,, U
must be really good in bed. I could see how
it has changed Mirabel completely
Me: I dunno what you’re talking about
Lola: Oh hell U don’t
Me: I’m not talking about that
Lola: Why not? U don’t look shy… I know U
are a naughty boy. Only god knows how
many skirts you have tailored so far
Me: **laughs** Please Lola, what can I offer
U?
Lola: Nothing much… **coming closer to
me** only if U can offer what I’d ask for
Me: And what could that be? I got hollandia
yoghurts, orange juice, brandy… U just name
it
Lola: Sperms
Me: What?
Lola: U know, I’ve always admired you
Victor… U got what it takes to make a lady
beg for it
She placed her hands on my shoulders.
Me: Errmmm Lola… **trying to adjust**
Lola: Come on Victor,,, swear U don’t want
me. I saw how U looked at my a$$ most
times. I know U want to touch it… come on,
do it
She dragged my hands to her backside,
forcing me to touch it. She also forced my
hands to her boobs.
All this while, I was thinking of what to do
‘coz I felt like diving in that moment.
Me: Stop it Lola, its not right,,, please just
stop
Lola: I need U baby boy,,, touch me please…
She was kissing all over my body and
moaning as well.
I didn’t know what moved me buh I
remembered going into action that moment.
I grabbed and squeezed the touchables of
her body. I raised her and dropped her on
my couch ripping off my clothes and hers as
well. I was about digging into her queendom
before I got distracted by my customised
ringtone, which I knew who the caller was.
I immediately got back to my senses. I
jumped off her telling her to get dressed
and leave my place that minute.
Me: What is this U made me do?
Lola: U are starving me baby,,, please come
Me: U know what? Get dressed and leave
this place this minute
Lola: U can’t be serious
Me: Oh yes I am… leave here now!
Lola: U must finished what U started
Me: U better leave here now before I
reconstruct your face
Lola: Its Ok, I will leave… but get ready to
explain to Mirabel what just happened
between us
Me: Nothing happened between us!
Lola: We’d see about that
She got dressed, grabbed her bag and left
angrily while I picked up my phone to call
Mirabel back. I missed her three calls.
Me: Hello sweetheart
Mirabel: Hello honey,,, where were U when I
was calling?
Me: I was in the kitchen dear,,, didn’t hear
your calls
Mirabel: Hope no lady is there?
Me: Are U joking? of course no lady is here
Mirabel: Ok honey, I just wanted to check on
U before we talk later in the night.
Me: That’s cool sweetheart,,, you’re dah
best
Mirabel: So… talk to U later
Me: Alright babe, byee…
**Hangs up**
Chai!
?What have I gotten myself into?
?How could I have allowed that girl Lola to
get me?
?What if she tells Mirabel?
?What would be her reaction when she
hears it?
?What if she breaks up with me?
Ahhhhh….. Lola!!
I went to get myself a chilled hollandia
yoghurt.
And Promise…
?Why was she like that?
?Why asking me such questions?
?She thinks I’m a bad guy?
?Or she thinks I’m in for money not love?
?Why didn’t she complete her statement
that time?
?Or she likes me? Promise?? I don’t think
so…
I think I am in a trilemma right now.
I went to get myself a chilled hollandia
yoghurt to calm my nerve.
?????? ??????
As days passes by, things were moving
smoothly especially the exams and the love
Mirabel and I share. But Lola still won’t let
me be. She kept making sexual advances on
me. She always stay close to me even in the
presence of Mirabel. I noticed that Mirabel is
becoming somehow suspicious of our
closeness or should I say; her closeness
towards me. Lola almost went to the
extreme that almost got me busted.
Mirabel left me with Lola in her sitting room
for the kitchen as she was preparing
something for the tommy. I dunno how or
why Cynthia left Lola out of her sight to
come here alone without her ‘Coz they were
always together. Another thing was, she
came in immediately I stepped in and she
made it looked like a coincidence.
Lola didn’t waste time to drag herself
towards me as soon as Mirabel got out of
sight.
She knelt before me begging me to help her
that she’s going crazy. She kept rubbing all
over my body and moaning as well begging
me to touch her even once. I got a shock of
my life when she grabbed little vame
(penus) from its unresponsive state.
Me: What’s wrong with you?!
Lola: U are wrong with me,,, I need U now
please baby hold me
Me: U must be really crazy! have U no
knowledge of where we are right now?? what
if Mirabel walk in now, what kind of
explanation would she accept
Lola: U can excuse yourself from her lets go
to my room
Mehn,,,, there’s no way on earth that
Mirabel is testing me again using Lola ‘coz
she’s dam? serious and crazy.
Me: I’m not doing anything with U
**pushing her away**
Lola: Why not?
Me: Because I love Mirabel your friend and
I’m not a cheat got that?
I was about to stand up before Mirabel
walked in…
Mirabel: What’s going on here?
Lola: Thank God you’re here Mirabel, tell
your boyfriend to give me the remote lemme
change this channel it’s so annoying
This girl is so fast…
Mirabel: But he’s not in possession of the
remote
Lola: Don’t defend him! Where is it then?
‘Coz I can’t find it anywhere
Mirabel: There it is **pointing at the remote
on the sofa**
Lola: Oh! No wonder he was giving me that
“What is wrong with her” look, So
embarrassing… geez!!
Mirabel laughed out loud while I just smiled
out.
Mirabel: My boyfriend is a good guy who
doesn’t want trouble of any kind. U should
never accuse my baby of any thing or U get
more embarrassed next time U try such.
**She had a smile on her face when she was
saying that** Buh I dunno how serious she
was.
Cynthia later walked in asking when Lola left
her in the house without her knowledge. But
of course Lola defended herself that got
them satisfied.
??? TO BE CONTINUED. ???

>> Part 31 -

Family Planning [Read it]


A woman went for a family planning method and was giving a form of special condom... after a month, the husband makes an observation...
HUSBAND : Dear, I don't think this condom is properly fixed.
WIFE : What is it, dear?
HUSBAND: It gives me a lot of discomforts whenever we meet.
WIFE: Haa! No one else complains about it.
The hubby looks straight into her eyes...
HUSBAND: How many of us?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-22 10:58:21

657 Views



types of wives [Read it]


TYPES OF WIVES:

1. Boxing Wives: These are the type of wives that
fight with their husbands deliberately just to
provoke him..... These kind of women are ready
to fight with the husband mostly in the public
area to create nuisance.

2. Headmaster Wives: These are the wives that are well paid in either their career or business
but they disrespect and put their husband down
because they have the financial edge over their
husbands...

3. Police Wife: This type is very common. These
are the wives that inspect or police their
husbands everywhere they go...When the
husband goes to the bathroom they pick up his phone to quickly check his messages...If the
husband makes a call, she will hide behind the door to listen to every conversation... If the husband goes out they make sure he is followed
and has friends that keeps an extra eye on the husband activities.

4. Dictionary Wife: These are the wives that won't listen to the advice of the husband but
rather they prefer to listen to the mother or sister....Whene ver the husband says something,
they quickly go to verify from either the
mother,sister, friend e.t.c like a dictionary to know if she should go ahead with her husband directives.

5. Party wives: They prefer to buy every available aso ebi, shoes and bag to attend any available
party even though her family does not have the
financial muscle to entertain such
expenses...They are readily available at every party and owambe thereby neglecting their
children, husband and home...

6. Pampered Wives: These are also known as daddy's little girl...They call and report their
husband to their father at any slight argument or
conversation... The rich ones are highly
dangerous especially when the husband is
working directly for the father...

7.Dustbin wives; The name might sound harsh
but they exist...These wives leave the home
unkept and dirty and you only see them rushing
to clean the house only when they are expecting
guests .There are several occasions were
some....

Which is the best please advice.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-28 15:01:03

441 Views




One fake pastor just opened a new church and needed to perform some miracles for his church members to now the stuff his made off.
So he went to a far town and arranged a man called Akpos to claim to be deaf and dump.
He paid him 20,000 Naira and promise to balance him 10,000 Naira after the game.
Akpos agreed.
During deliverance on Sunday, the pastor was praying and sweating seriously.
He then approached Akpos and say “kakaka eri mamama! I command you to talk NOWWWW!!”
Akpos kept quiet.
The pastor was surprise and he then said “You demon! I command you to leave this man now in JESUS NAME!”
Akpos still kept quiet.
The pastor became frustrated and didn’t know when he gave Akpos a dirty slap “For the last time, talk talk talk!!!!”
Akpos shouted “JESUS!!! You want to kill me? I will not talk until I see my balance”
The pastor shouted “Praise the lord!!! He can now talk. Next Sunday we balance him by making him to hear.”
Akpos shouted “Na lie!!! That’s not our plan”
The pastor then shouted “Pra pra Praissssssss the living God!! He can now hear”

HAPPY NEW MONTH FANS!!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-01 23:12:33

47724 Views



Natural yogurt [Read it]


Feel dis Joke !Two kids? were playing, they found a used condom and took it home as a balloon. The kids mother got upset and warned them not to pick up things while playing, when the mother left, one kid said to the other, "why was mum so angry? that we found a balloon ? Thank God we didn't tell her that We drank the yoghurt that was inside." ?????????? Don't laugh alone, share with friends


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-29 18:44:25

692 Views




This guy goes to the doctor after being constipated for two weeks.


The doctor prescribes a heavy-duty laxative and tells him to take two when he gets home. The guy goes home to his fourth story apartment, pops two of the pills and lays down for a nap.


When he awakens he finds that the laxative is so powerful that he has relieved two weeks worth of blockage all over the bed as he slept. Totally disgusted the man toils over what to do with the mess and finally decides to bundle up the sheets and pitch them out the window.


About this time a wino comes walking along still hung-over from the night before and splat! The sheet lands Right Square on his head. After struggling for a few minutes the wino gets free of the sheet and as he’s standing there looking at it, a policeman strolls up after seeing him wrestling with it.


“What’s going on here?” inquires the officer.


“I’m not too sure,” replies the wino “but I’m pretty sure I just beat the shit out of a ghost!”Related

Loveth: I'm so frustrated, i just cant find the right shoes to wear, i wish i don't have to always look for a pair of shoes that fit me that well whenever i want to go to a wedding ceremony.
Grace: do you have to go;
Loveth: of cause; my friends are waiting for me.
Grace: then don't complained; just look for it; you and your friends are always attending parties; wedding ceremony and i wander if you are ever going to find your soul made, don't you want to get married, when will i carry my grandchildren; i'm not getting young.
Loveth:mom, will you stop, will i get married to myself or am i God that give people husband? do you expect me to go on the street and start telling everyman i need a man to place a ring on my finger.
Grace: i didn't say that, just don't want you to remain single all your life.
Loveth: and i don't have no plans to.
Grace: i am just advising you.
Loveth: i know, i got to go; thanks mom, for your advice. see you later. Grace: alright; go on (she took a deep breath)

Loveth: oh no, anyways; i haven't really introduce myself to you all, my name is loveth but my friends called me love because they felt that i am easy to love but i just cant see that because if it was; why don't i have a boyfriend at twenty six but how come no one ever smiled at me; even asked me out for a date and you see that woman talking with me earlier; happen to be my mom and her name is Grace; she is lovely but too sensitive when it comes to marriage and she always felt that i may never find true love and may never get married but i really don't blame her that is what you get when you are the only child of your parent and whenever she find out i am going for a wedding she just get so annoying. anyway, let me go and enjoy myself and leave that woman alone

Vivian: hey, why are you late
loveth: is nothing
Darling: don't tell us that; if she is buying it, i'm not. is it your mom again
Loveth: is not (she kept looking at the couple)
Vivian: love, why are you looking at them? i know that look
Loveth: what do you mean?
Darling: your mom is at it again
Loveth: please, just let my mom be, i came to enjoy myself not to talk about my mom
Vivian: but it doesn't seen so
loveth: so what does it seem
Darling: oh! i know deep down in your heart you were just thinking when you are going to wear that gown loveth: will you stop teasing
Vivian: but when are you going to get married
Darling: when she is old and grey (both laughed)
Loveth: that is not funny
Darling: joke apart don't you want to get married
Loveth: i will but i haven't find the right one
Vivian: i doubt if you can ever find it; just as you never find your prefect shoe match
Loveth: i know i have a problem with that; what about you?
Vivian: i know but i am not like you
Loveth: spare me that
Darling: I can help you love
Loveth: no way; so you can take me to a club house
Vivian: cant believe it
Darling: will you just shut up; do you think i'm like you, that is a club girl but pretended to be a church girl because of Abraham
Vivian: but i got what i want right? you that strict to your club live what did you get a party rider Danny
Darling: whatever
Loveth: not again (she walked away)
Vivian: are you leaving
Loveth: no, i just want to buy something outside
Darling: come back on time before they start cutting the cake and start item seven. you know
Loveth: of cause i wouldn't (outside) at least, i can breath; i thought i was going to loss my breath my mom is there and this two aren't helping matters at all. those two you see are my craziest friends if there is anything worst then that i would called them. darling is the youngest of the three of us; she like parties and clubbing but it seems she is the lucky one among us because she got married first before Vivian; and Vivian; she like party but she wanted a God fearing man so she started acting like a church girl and she got what she wanted but between the two i don't know if they are both enjoying their marriage. that shouldn't bothered me because i got to look for mine. i think i know what to. what if i just propose to a man. oh! i have an appointment at the office, i got to (back home) mom, you are up so early, this food smell nice
Grace: of cause, don't you want to eat
Loveth: i want to (she sat and ate) mom; you really are the best
Grace: that is why your dad didn't think twice before putting a ring on my finger
Loveth: really mom
Grace: of cause; till date he never left my side; that is why when you find your perfect match don't ever let him go and always make home made delicious food for him because the way to a man's heart his is stomach
Loveth: Oh! no, it seems i made a mistake (to herself)
Grace: did you say something
Loveth: no mom; please excuse me
Grace: alright; hold on; that reminds me; you remember Liz my childhood friend
Loveth: yes; what about her
Grace: she is coming back with her son from the state and he is not married
Loveth: and
Grace: he look really rich and handsome too
Loveth: so
Grace: i and his mom had come to an agreement that you both should get married
Loveth: what? how can i get married with someone i don't even know
Grace: you will get to know him when you meet
Loveth: i don't love him
Grace: you will learn to love him when you get married
Loveth: i cant believe i'm having this conversation
Grace: you had better believed it and make sure you look for a good shoe because i wouldn't have you waste my time why looking for a perfect shoe
Loveth: mom; i wouldn't go with you
Grace: is not like your opinion is needed because i am not going to let you remain single forever; you wouldn't die lonely
Loveth: i am not complaining
Grace: but i am; i am so ashamed whenever i attended my friend's kids wedding when will they attend mine
Loveth: i don't know
Grace: i will tell you
Loveth: then suite yourself
Grace: you too, you thinking i will watch you turn menopause without getting married no way......




to be continued






NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A teacher entered akpos class TEACHER:today we will learn future tense before we start i want someone to put this sentence in future tense.for instance"i killed a man yesterday" who can do than?only Akpos lifted up his hands.the teacher having no choice asked akpos.TEACHER:yes akpos answer.AKPOS:and you will go to jail.the teacher fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-06 17:18:44

711 Views




Akpos calls technical support:
AKPOS: Hello, my internet is
not working properly.
TECHNICIAN: Ok, double click
on ??My computer??.
AKPOS: I can??t see your
computer.
TECHNICIAN: No no, click
on ??My computer?? on your
computer.
AKPOS: How can I click on
your computer from my
computer?
TECHNICIAN: listen, There is
an icon labelled ??My
computer?? on your
computer Ok, double click on
it.
AKPOS: What the hell, what is
your computer doing on my
computer?!
TECHNICIAN: Double click on
your computer.
AKPOS: On which icon do I
have to click?
TECHNICIAN: ??My
computer??!
AkPOS: Oh God! What type of
problem is this? Tell me
where your office is. I??ll
come there and click on
“your computer”.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 09:44:25

753 Views




I have read a few stories before and to be
honest, always thought they were fictional,
no way this happens to ordinary people. But
I have to admit, I was wrong. My wife died
about 8 years ago from cancer at the age of
39, I was 42. We were high school
sweethearts who married very young. We were
both faithful to the day she passed away
and I still miss Susan every day.
We live around the corner from my wife’s
younger sister, Beth and her husband. It
was quite known in the family that Beth’s
husband Lance was lazy and thoughtless. He
very seldom worked and was very demanding.
Why Beth stayed with him was always a
mystery.
I was about to have my 50th birthday and
had absolutely no plans of any sort what so
ever. I figured that, this birthday like
the seven previous without Susan would be
spent at home watching TV. For some reason,
I had never pursued another relationship
after Susan died. I am not into the bar
scene and I work at a company that only
employed two women and both were young
girls in their twenties, flighty and very
immature.
My sister in law Beth, who is 42, called me
one evening and asked what was I doing for
my birthday. “Nothing” I told her. She
replied “ You’re turning 50 and your not
celebrating ?” I told her I did not really
feel like doing anything, I would probably
spend the weekend around the house. She
replied “ We have to go out and at least
have dinner.”
I really liked Beth, she was always so kind
to me, but the thought of dinner with Lance
just was not the way I wanted to spend my
birthday. I kind of dodged the issue, we
made more small talk and she told me we
would talk later that week.
I was watching TV Thursday night when the
doorbell rang, and there stood Beth when I
opened the door. We kissed on the cheek and
hugged as she entered. She was coming home
from work, where she and my wife had been
partners in business for many years. They
worked in a professional setting and always
dressed very business like. Beth, like my
wife Susan was simply stunning. Always the
lady, always dressed impeccably. We entered
the family room and sat down, Beth on the
large leather sectional and me in my
favorite old recliner, that was the one
piece of furniture in my home that looked
out of place. Susan had decorated our home
from top to bottom and it is simply
beautiful. We started chatting about going
out to dinner for my birthday and after a
while, I could not help but notice how
short Beth’s skirt was. She had pulled it
down as far as she could, but it was still
mid thigh. We started talking and lost
track of time. The conversation turned from
my birthday to her problems with Lance. She
confided that she really thought he was
having an affair, but had no proof. She
asked me “ How did you and Susan do it, you
always appeared to be so much in love ?” I
replied to her “ I really don’t know, I
think it was just two people who really got
it right”. “We never really worked at it,
it came natural”. I could see her eyes
water a little, maybe thinking of her
sister.
To get off the subject, I offered her a
glass of wine. Both Susan and Beth were
wine drinkers. Susan turned our basement
into a wine cellar, she was quite the
expert. Personally I never could really
taste the difference in the wines, so I
always let Susan choose. Beth went
downstairs and came back with a Merlot she
was fond of. I took the bottle , went to
the kitchen to open it and get two glasses.
I returned to the family room and handed
Beth her glass and took my seat. After
taking a sip of the wine, I could not help
but notice that Beth had slightly parted
her thighs giving me a few of her silky
white upper thighs. As we talked, I found
it increasingly difficult to carry a
conversation, with the view I was getting.
I was not sure , but I sensed that several
times she caught my eyes wandering. “Can I
get another glass of wine ?” she asked.
“Sure” I replied, “ Let me get it for you”.
I went to the kitchen and returned with a
fresh glass for her. As I sat down again, I
immediately noticed she had parted her legs
even further. I could now see her lacy
white panties between her thighs.
Ever since Susan had died, my entire sex
life consisted of masturbating alone. It
became so stale, that I might have been
only indulging once a month for the past
year or so. But suddenly with this new
visual stimulation, I could feel my penis
swelling with absolutely no physical
contact. I was trying really hard not be
obvious, looking her in the eyes as we
spoke. Only when she would look away, would
my eyes dart down to her legs. We talked
for a few minutes more, then she said she
had to be going. I thanked her for stopping
by and as I leaned in to kiss her cheek,
she turned her lips to mine and gave me a
soft, very moist quick kiss on the lips,
followed by a hug.
As soon as she pulled out of the driveway,
I sat back down in the recliner and tried
to watch TV, but my mind kept wandering to
those white lacy panties and that soft warm
kiss. I decided that it was time for a
shower and head to bed, this was getting me
no where.

Part 2 coming soon


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

The only mistake for which people are congratulated is ‘Marriage’!Related

It was in the evening when Akpos decided to eat with the only money(#300) in his pocket.
On reaching in the restaurant, he demanded #100 rice and #200 fish.
One young man wearing a jacket that stood beside him said "man you eat badly, eat any thing you like i will pay".
Out of joy Akpos rushed the waiter and demand for a plate of rice that worth #5000.
As he was eating he look up and see the same young man. "man i like to sit beside my friend when he is eating".
Akpos admitted him and give him a seat. After sometime the young man said to Akpos "Do you drink after eating".
Akpos nodded. "go and collect two bottles of drink."
After eating, Akpos went and collect two bottles of drink, as he finished drinking the first one, to open the second one his opener fell down he bend down to pick it, he then saw that his friend did not have any shoe and his trouser was tattered. (his friend is a madman).
The young man look at him and smiled you are dead. Is u and your God go take una eyes see what these people go do you".
Don`t laugh because Akpos is currently in police station for killing d mad man.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 19:44:43

5785 Views




A good relation does not need any promises and conditions. It just needs two wonderful people…

One who fucks and another who spreads the legs happily!Related

In a Nursery School Canteen, there was a basket of Apples with a notice written over it: Do not take more than one, God is watching.

On the other counter there was a box of chocolates. A small child went & wrote on it: Take as many as u want, God is busy watching the Apples.

Moral: NEVER ACT SMART WITH today’s generation…!!!

————————————-

KID: Why some of your hairs are white, Dad?

DAD: Every time you make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white…

KID: Now I understand why Grandpa’s all hairs are white…

Moral: Don’t be over smart with today’s kids!

————————————-

Child: Mummy why Gandhiji had no hair on his head?

Mummy: Because he spoke truth only.

Child: Now I understood why ladies have long hairs…

The moral remains the same!Related

HORROR [Read it]


Oboy see head ooh! Abeg just give one name
to this heads. Mine is "Hammer Head Of
Horror"







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-03 19:58:07

2101 Views



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