Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


At mental hospital, the doctor want to examine all the patients. He then drew a door on the board and ask them to open the door. All of then immediately rushed to the board and started pushing the door with all their strength except Akpos who was still sitting down laughing at them. The doctor was so amazed seeing akpos sitting down. Thinking that Akpos is mentally ok, the doctor decided to ask him why he didn't join others to push the door. Akpos laughed and said na over craz dey worry them. They don't know that the key of that door dey my pocket. When they are done, i will go and open it. The Doctor fianted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-11 15:36:56

559 Views




Who is never hungry at Thanksgiving?

The turkey – it’s always stuffed.Related

Always trust the man who buys you lingerie rather than the one who buys you roses – the former is at least, honest about his intentions!Related

Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.

~ John LennonRelated

My fiancée also noticed the strained
relationship between me and Mary but she
couldn’t say much as she was a bit convince
that maybe it was due to work stress…Mary
bought another sim card, I blocked her again
but she wouldn’t desist from sending me
series of text message..she sent me one that
Biola saw and got angry with (Thank God it
was her new number)..i pleaded with her that
it was one of my ex that was trying to play
stunt..she reported me to Mary and she was
even the one that settled it for us on a rare
evening I managed to watch news in the
sitting room
It was on a Saturday as I didn’t have option
than to come to the sitting room to watch my
favourite team play in an afternoon
premiership match couple with the fact that it
was a night of el-classico. It was 5pm and I
had no option than to come to the sitting
room..We were all in the sitting room Biola
was right there beside me while Mary was
busy with biscuit and drink on another seat….i
bet wat Mary was putting on will make any
guy want to release in his pant..she was
putting on a mini skirt, with a mini tube
top..Biola didn’t see it as anything as she
believe she’s my cousin and wouldn’t mean
anything..(My body will never react to my
sister…abomination)
She excused herself after a while and came
back to the sitting room……My eyes flipped to
where she was after like 20mins and I realized
she wasn’t putting on a pant..what was
staring at me was a fresh neatly shaved Kitty-
Cat….my Joystick was so hard, Mary was
seriously seducing me and it got to a stage I
couldn’t control it again. Thank God for one of
Biola’s friend that stays close to my street
who came on a visit which shifted my
attention away from her and she also adjusted
herself……………
It was around 7pm when Biola saw her friend
off…Immediately Biola stood up, I wanted to
go with them but she said I shouldn’t worry
but continue to watch my ball…(I knew I cant
stay in the same sitting room with Mary and I
was looking for escape route)…
I saw them off to the entrance and coming
back inside with a straight face on a plan to
walk straight to the bedroom…….what was
waiting for me close to the entrance door was
Mary holding her mini skirt in her hand……………
Her fresh pusssssssy was staring at me, I
wanted to help me myself but Dickson
disappointed me…
Mary: U think u can run away from me forever
abi? Here we are………………(Moved closer to me
at the entrance door holding my hard Dickson
instantly)….
Me: Mary please now..why are u doing all this
for crying out loud
Mary: I need u and I need u right now
snakie…..am missed u so much
Me: (trembling) Forget it Mary…notyn like this
will never happen between us again……….i cant
have s*x with u again
Mary: But your Dickson is saying otherwise
baby boo
Me: How do u know…pls Biola will soon be
here and I don’t want her to meet us this way
Mary: Then u should thank me for keeping
your relationship for you and keeping this as a
secret..i expect u to play your own part too
Me: Which part? We never enter into any
agreement
Mary: says who……………..we entered into it the
first day we get down together..we entered
into it the first day you bleeped me like a
dog……………..Its not so easy for me to let go of
an enjoyment like this
Me: Stop all these rubbish you are saying
please…we don’t belong together……I belong to
somebody else
Mary: You belong to somebody else? So what
do u take me for? A hoe…………………..
Me: Its not like that Mary…….we never had any
agreement for a relationship
Mary: Oh..oh….but u told me u never bleeped
any lady as sweet as my pusssssy before
Me: When did I said that?
Mary: You wont remember when u were
digging it hard like a Christmas goat on me
saying all sort of rubbish…..its the same way
av never met any guy that made me feel like a
lady until I met you and I cant let go of this
Dickson just like that…..i will enjoy it till am
satisfied
Me: Not this one and I believe you are crazy
Mary: Me crazy? I will know who’s crazy
between me and you when I leak your secret to
your baby and u know I don’t have anytyn to
loose…………….
Me: What do u want now mary………………
Mary: I want you and I want you right now…
She pull down my elastic short and her mouth
was straight on my Dickson…..she started
sucking it till it got hard as I couldn’t help it
either……..she stood up and dragged me to the
sofa…….my short and boxer was already at my
ankle, she sat on me and started digging it
hard going up and down..i couldn’t help it
after a while, I turn her around and was the
one resting on the sofa..i started digging it
hard…we were enjoying each other…yes……..av
missed u so much baby..yessssssssss……
urrghhhhhhhh….harder baby……fcccck me hard
baby…….i love u baby….i love you so much
baby….
I didn’t even mind what she was saying as it
served as a motivation to me which made me
to continue to dig harder…we switched
position again…she held the tip of the sofa
turning her back to me, I came in from the
back and started digging hard again…….didnt
take long before I felt her crying……..I love u so
much snakie, I don’t want to loose u..u mean
so much to me…Arrrghhhhh…yesssssss…she
was saying so many things at the same time
while crying but I didn’t bother as I was
seriously enjoying myself and I didn’t even
noticed when I came myself..i was digging so
hard before I heard Biola’s voice saying “Good
evening Sir”……………..i ejected myself and ran to
the visitors toilet immediately while I didn’t
know how know how Mary did hersef……………(I
thank my Star) I came out after like two
minutes
Biola: why is everywhere smelly like dis
Me: Smelly? Like how
Biola: I don’t know…the odour is somehow
Me: Maybe it’s the toilet as what I just
dispose was out of this world…..i think I need
to shower sef as I don’t even like how am
smelling
Biola: Onigbe oshi………..
Me: Atleast you can help ur boy with air
freshener……..just spray little abeg lemme
shower..alejo o gbodo bayan bayi
Biola: O better…………….
Me: But what took you so long baby…
Biola: Don’t mind Yemi jare…we just dey gist
ooo and I later decided to buy suya on my
way coming for us..she was even the one that
gave me the 1k
Me: ohk……pls am seriously hungry..maybe
you should help out in the kitchen before I
finish with my bath
Biola: Ohk…darling

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos a business man named his first son respect, named the second son ask me again and the third one trouble..... One day trouble the youngest was missing so akpos who went on a business trip called and told his son to go and report to the police. When they arrived at the police station respect the oldest told ask me agaio to go in and report, when ask me again the second so went in the constable ask him weting be your name he answer "ask me again" the constable said hm you boys lack respect ask me again answered "he is outside" the constable said "well wetin you want" ask me again answered "trouble" guess what the costable did


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 16:07:51

243 Views



Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

Love&Death [Read it]


Robbers entered a house, asks for all the money and
valuables.
After they collect what they can, one of the robbers was instruted by their boss to give the man(husband) of
the house a gun with instructions to shoot his wife or
else he shot himself.
The man(husband) collected the gun, points it at his wife and hesitates.
He is thinking of what he has gone through in life with
his wife and how she has suffered and sacrificed for
him.
He hands back the gun and says, “I am sorry I
can’t do this… “The boss of the robbers silently grabs the gun from
him and passes it to the wife with the same
instruction.
The wife collected the gun and without any
hesitation points to her husband’s head and pulls the
trigger. But at last, the gun had no bullets in it. The robbers collected
the gun from her
and walked out of the house laughing.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. If you are the man(husband) in that house how would you
react to your wife?
2. If you are the wife, what explanation will you
give your
husband!
3. If you are invited to bring peace between them, what advice would you give?
Drop your Comments & this should really be an
interesting topic to discuss as counsellors.
SHARE THIS POST BUT USE THIS tags #B-goF # www.Nairajokes.com # www.facebook.com/9jaStudentForum # Aboderin oludele Nomolos ..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-05-03 09:29:39

432 Views




Dear Diana Penty,Marry me atleast i can give the better surname ????Regards
Avinash ShirkeRelated

Ek din Santa ne newspaper mein ek advertisement dekha:


‘Apna Purana Mobile Do Aur New Mobile Lo’


Santa advertisement dekhar khush ho gaya aur us address per akela chala gaya.


Wahan koi shop nahi thi aur 2 ladke aise hi khade hue the.


Santa wahan jaakar un ladkon se us advertisement ke baare mein puchta hai.


Tabhi ek ladka chaaku nikaal kar kehta hai, “Ye ad humne hi diya tha, chal purana mobile de aur jaakar naya mobile le.”Related

Continues..
I was still at the floor crying with blood almost at
the
reach of my legs I ignored every calls and
switched
my phone off. I was still there crying when I heard
Miranda’s voice. Miranda:why haven’t you
been picking my calls and
why did you leave the house like this?(she was
talking
at the same time walking towards the room. And when she finally saw me she ran straight to me
raised
my head and placed it on her lap)
Miranda:OMG what happened to you? Who did
this to you?(crying and at the same time worried)
Me:miranda you are here. Thank God you are here(I
was talking weakly) please don’t leave me
here
Miranda:I won’t leave you. Tell me who did this
to you
(crying) Me:it was Brenden. Brenden raped me
Miranda:what? Brenden did what?
Her gaze shifted from me to Preston who stood
quietly at the door. I didn’t even notice he was
there.
Miranda:but Brenden was at my party Me:he came here 10:30pm last night. I thought it
was
you so I opened the door and it was brenden(I
narrated everything that happened) can you
imagine
brenden raped me twice(I cried uncontrollably) Miranda:that b-----d has to pay for this!have you
told
Melissa?
Me:no and please don’t tell her. Please
Miranda:why?she was sent here to protect you
Me:I know but if you tell her she will tell my dad and
things won’t go well
Miranda:and your father asked me to take care
of you
(crying)
Me:it wasn’t your fault. Please stop crying Miranda: okay get up please just try and stand up
Me:Miranda I can’t get up. I am weak
everywhere. My
waist, b-----s, legs and v----a hurts.
Miranda:please Presley can you carry her?
Presley: alright but stop crying I can’t bear to see both
of you crying like that
Presley carried me to the bathroom and miranda
followed behind and Preston left us in the
bathroom.
She watched me and wore me back my robe. I was
by then having a little strength so I managed to
walked while miranda supported me
Miranda:where do you want me to take you?
Me:just on the bed I want to lie down.
Mirandakay She assisted me to the bed and I lied down. She
covered me with the blanket and helped me to
clean
the floor and left assuring me she was coming
back. I
could hear presley shouting even if miranda closed
the door Miranda:so what are we gonna do now?
Presley: I blame Preston a lot. If he hadn’t left
Milly all
these wouldn’t have happened. What kind of
evil deed is that? Raping someone twice in the spaces of
five
hours?
Miranda:do you think Preston should know about
this? Presley:I don’t know. I just can’t think
straight. Milly didn’t deserve any of this. She has been a true
friend.

To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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NIGERIA MADE [Read it]


Nawa oooh, I bought a DVD player
yesterday, when I
got home, i connected it before inserting
a disc, I
thought it would show "NO DISC" on the upper
left
corner of my tv screen, but guess what it
showed?;
"DISC NO DEY"!..
I was shocked, then I inserted a DISC
thinking it would display "LOADING", but when I
looked at the
Screen again, guess what I saw?; "E DON
DEY LOAD"
What annoyed me most is that it was not
playing at all, so I checked the back of the DVD
player to find
out where it was made....... It
Was...
MADE IN _________? Can someone tell
me where it was made.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-27 10:03:35

306 Views




A lady walked into a doctors
office, looking upset. Doc: Whats the problem
young lady.?
Lady: Doctor, please help me.
Doc: And whats the problem.?
Lady: i don.'t like my colour,
am so dark.. Doc: Hmmm, so how can i be
of a help to you?
Lady: I came all the way, so
that you could prescribe the
cheapest and the fastest drug
for me so that i can be fair in Complexion in a weeks time.
After looking at her, said..
Doc: alright then., You go
home, boil 20litres of water
above 100'c then empty the
hot water inside a big basin that can cover you fully..
soak yourself in there till you
attain your desired
complexion.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 23:07:30

700 Views




Attract what you expect;

Reflect what you respect;

Mirror what you admire!

Good Morning, Have a nice Day!Related

Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Rahul reached Ana's room and hesitated for a second, before knocking on the door.

He knew she wasn't there, but there was that one percent chance, his heart was craving for, that she would open the door and stand in front of him, scanning him with her beautiful eyes.

As the seconds passed, he knew the magical moment wasn't going to happen, his heart weighed him down with sadness, he slowly turned the door knob and entered her room.

Just like last time, he waited again to see if the shower was running or if the bathroom room door would open and Ana might step out in her bath robe. This time he decided, he wasn't going to hide.

But nothing happened, the room was eerily quite, everything in its place, as if she was still living there. She didn't take anything with her, just walked out with her son.

For a second, he thought, maybe she was going to come back for her stuff, but he knew, he hurt her really bad this time, and she was gone without a trace.

He started to feel the same way, he felt three years back on Halloween day, when his sweetheart disappeared after spending a magical night with him. The same feeling again.

His phone started buzzing, bringing him out of his thoughts. It was his sister Neha, he knew the news reached his sister and mom, and he would be blamed for Ana's disappearance.

"Hi Neha, how are you doing?", Rahul asked, accepting her call.

"Rahul, what's going on there? Mom is really worried."

"Neha, make sure mom is taking her medicines and keep the doctor on standby. I didn't inform you, as I was worried about her health. I will explain everything to you and you let her know." Then Rahul explained the whole drama to Neha and Ana's disappearance why he cancelled the marriage.

Neha explained everything to Mandy, while Rahul ramained on line to answer additional questions. Finally Mandy took the phone from Neha and talked to Rahul.

"Rahul, me and Neha, had our doubts about Ria, but thought it would be better for you to learn on your own, than us complain about her. I am glad you found out about her, before marriage, but at the cost of losing Ana .....", Mandy paused and Rahul could hear her heavy breathing, " ... I don't know what to say, I promised Ana, that I will take care of her. You need to find Ana and make sure, she and prince are safe."

"Ma, I promise, I will find Ana as soon as possible. If you have any ideas, let me know."

"I will send you the list of places I know. I am so worried about her. Finding her should be your first priority. I won't return home, until you find her." She warned Rahul, to make sure he understood, how serious she was about finding Ana.

"I will mom. I will update you on my progress. Meanwhile don't worry and take care of Neha and your health." He promised and disconnected the phone. He collapsed on the sofa, tired from the conversation and looked around the room, trying to figure out, where to start his search from.

He picked up the magazines and mail lying on the center table and started looking through them to see if there was any useful info in them. He didn't find any.

He then started looking through each item in the room, books and old mail. He then moved to the dressing table and sat in front of the mirror. The memory of her sitting in front of the mirror and applying moisturizer made his testosterone levels shoot up. Sitting there he looked at his hiding spot and realized he was very lucky to escape without being caught.

He went through her things, feeling guilty on one side, but the hope of finding any clue regarding her whereabouts, kept him motivated to move along.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Some girls claim they want a good guy but when they meet one, he's just a friend. Then they fall for the player and get their heart broken. Then have the nerve to say ''all guys are the same.''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-18 08:35:39

491 Views



LOST MY WATCH [Read it]


Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a
guy stepping on it while sexually
harassing a girl. I walked up to the
dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl... Not on my
watch!
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-23 07:54:16

321 Views



Dictate [Read it]


The teacher told her class the word of the day was "dictate" and asked who could spell it.


George raised his hand and he spelled out, "d-i-k-t-a-t-e." 


The teacher said, "sorry that's wrong" Then she asked Akpos. 


Akpos slowly spelled out, "d-i-c-k-t-a-t-e." 


"Sorry" says the teacher, "that's not right either." 


Next, she asked Fiona After a slight pause Fiona began spelling, "d-i-c-t-a-t-e." 


"Very good Fiona," applauded the teacher, "that's correct. Now," the teacher continued, "who can use this word in a sentence?" 


Akpos raised his hand quick as a flash shouting, "I know-I know," 


"OK" replied the teacher, "please use the word Akpos." 


Akpos responded, "How did my dictate last night, Fiona?"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-15 08:20:05

250 Views




WRITE UP BY DINDY: WHERE MY HEART LIES

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this write up.

This write up was written by Dindy for Daniela aka Barbie, thanks for reading.

Still thinking of the right words to use.
Still pondering of the right words to say to you.
Still hoping that you get to listen to me.
Still wishing you followed my hopes and dreams into yours.
Still pray and cry you believe in me.
:......
Waiting with emotions and hopes.
Waiting with smiles.
Waiting with dreams.
Waiting with both hands spread apart.
:..........
With smiles I hide my pain.
With dreams I hope for my unseen future.
With hopes I cage my disbelief.
With my hands spread apart, I wait in silence for you to come to me.
:.......
Hopes die down.
Smiles fade.
Dreams turns to nightmares.
Hands are folded.
Tears, sadness, torture and loneliness became an existing figure.
All because of all I hoped, smiled, dreamt and waited for became nothing.
My body folded together, on the floor in a dark room, all alone thinking and wishing I had left before the pain crawled in.
MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP FOR. LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. THANKS FOR READING.

contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi.








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Maghrib Ki Waadion Mein Goonji Azaan Hamari;

Thamta Na Tha Kisi Se Sail-E-Rawaan Hamara!Related

Akpos again [Read it]


Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested??
Akpos: A teacher!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-01 17:47:26

847 Views




Don't be stingy to GOD oooo

On Sunday, I was sitting in the church, my friend invited me for a thanksgiving, and when it was time for offering, the offering basket was passed around. Despite d Pastor’s charge for gud offering, I still hurriedly and secretly pulled out N50 from my pocket and dropped it. Just then, the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a N1,000 note. I smiled, how generous, then majestically I looked around and put d N1,000 in the basket and passed it on, then I turned and thanked d man seriously for being so generous. He replied “don’t mention, be more careful next time, it fell frm ur pocket” Whaaaat!!!!!……. Usher please wait wrong Transaction!!!!!!!!! Don’t laugh alone share it and make someone smile…


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-14 01:03:53

539 Views




Nirbhay Missile fails to hit target:

The cruise missile Nirbhay would not have failed if it had been launched from Arnab Goswami’s mouth.Related

Sex … or lack thereof … is at the center of everyone’s identity, and once you’ve cracked someone’s desires, you understand them in full.

-Arianne CohenRelated

It was 9:30pm when I woke up from
my sleep I immediately remembered
that I had to be at babis for the
fundraiser. The election was to hold
in 6weeks time, though we had
campaign posters all over the
campuses (mini and main); National
was having the upper hand. He had
more financial power than Abayomi.
Abayomi came from what I would
describe as an average family; his
dad was a retired banker while his
mum was a civil servant. My dad ran
8 big stores in Alaba international
market. He dealt with the
importation of Samsung and sharp
electronics.
My dad didn’t go to secondary
school talk less of a university. He
came to Lagos immediately after the
Biafran war, worked as a sales boy
for Mr koledowo of blessed memory
at idumota. Idumota was one of the
biggest markets in the 70’s. Things
went smoothly for a while until Mr
koledowo’s wife died. He never
really recovered from the shock. He
himself died November 17th, 1979,
leaving his store to my dad. Shortly
after his demise, his family came to
close the store leaving my dad with
nothing. My dad had made some
friends with some Ghanaians who
were regular customers. Mr Antwi
allowed my dad stay with his family
provided that my dad worked for
them for free. As providence would
have it, in 1983 the Ghanaians were
evicted from Nigeria. Though the
government of Nigeria said it was
due to economic hardships, my dad
always maintained that it was a form
of retaliation. In 1969, Nigerians had
been evicted from Ghana. Once
again, my dad inherited another
man’s store. Fast forward to 2007,
my 47 year old dad, Chief Dike was a
millionaire; my mum was an house
wife.
I had supported the elections
financially even more than Abayomi,
but it wasn’t enough. A lot of
freshers adorned tee-shirts with
National’s beaming smile on them.
Even some girls in my compound
had theirs, disloyalty!
I wouldn’t have been able to get to
babis on time if I had boarded a
taxi, I decided to meet John, my
neighbor who had a car and could
easily drop me off.
Me: john!
No reply…
I knocked his door but he didn’t
open, I was forced to peep through
the window because I could hear
music from his one room apartment.
Lying in bed was John, with his
naked albeit a G-string girlfriend
sprawled like an eagle beside him.
Cans of sprite and a bottle of Johnny
walker were nearby.
I walked to Itamerin bus-stop to get
a bike to babis.
Babis was crowded when I got in, it
was filled with most of the club guys
and girls unwinding from the week
long lectures. I skimmed the crowed
until I saw Abayomi seated with
some people just by the bar. I was
squeezing myself for a way through
the crowd when a hand pulls me
back. Turning back I saw the slim
body and apologetic smile of Acho.
Acho: I thought you said you were
staying indoors tonight
Me: its really none of your business
Acho
Acho: I see you have already
forgotten about me
Me: you are kindha smart, now let go
of my hand some people are waiting
for me.
Acho let go immediately, ‘yahooze’
by olu-maintain was booming in the
back-ground as a couple of students
flooded the park that stood as the
dance floor.
Acho: I will miss you
Me: I bet you will honey.
She continued walking to the area
were Abayomi sat. he didn’t see her
as he continued arguing fervently
with somebody, she didn’t recognize
the person nor the other people
sitting around the table. It wasn’t
long before Abayomi saw her and
screamed.
Abayomi: you can be very annoying!,
we have been here since 9pm, look
at the time you are coming
Me: Ab, is that how to talk to a lady,
your mum did a rotten job raising
you
Abayomi: you papa left yansh!
Me: ishiewu
Abayomi: come and hug me jor
Me: body odour o….
I quickly scrutinized the people
sitting around the table. Dada was at
the right hand side of Abayomi, Kofo
sat at his left with her fake lashes
almost covering her eyes, Uche was
holding a bottle of Gulder while
Qudus sat at the corner. Seeing
Uche there left me with an uneasy
feeling, he was one of the boys that
was feared in mini-campus where
most of the science students of the
university received their lectures.
Those were the people I recognized,
the others were unknown, and
maybe they were from the main-
campus.
Me: sorry I am late guys
Most people responded by saying
don’t worry…its aii…no p…except
Uche..he just smiled that wicked…no
evil smile.
Uche was about 6’4, very big and
hardly spoke. With the clampdown
on cult activities by the state
government, a lot of students were
on the low-key, many denied the
different confraternities they once
flaunted, I couldn’t fix Uche in a
group. I knew he was a computer-
science student though.
Abayomi: wetin you go drink
madam?
Me: Gordon spark and asun
Abayomi: I said drink not drink and
eat, I resemble Acho
Me: oh sharraaaaaaap
After few pleasantries and drinks, we
got down to business.
Abayomi: Tana, we have two
sponsors that really want to invest in
our campaign
Me: oh really…that’s nice..who are
they?..
Abayomi: let me allow them speak
for themselves…Michaela let her
hear you..
I Looked at Michael and remembered
him also. He was one of those geeks
that had no money in 100L and 200L,
but with internet runs, him and his
type were all over the place. He still
had bad dress sense though, like
most geology students did.
Michael: Tana, you are as beautiful
as ever…
I almost puked..
Me: oh, thank you dear
Michael: I am glad we would be
supporting your campaign..
Me: the pleasure is all mine Mikolo
Michael: you too fine walahi!
Pretending to blush…buys can be
dull mehnnn..
Me: Michael I am blushing, what do
you have for us?
Michael: going straight to the point, I
like that in a lady..you are…
Uche: Michael abi Mikolo you dey
waste my time oh, wetin dey worry
you sef, you neva see woman
before?
I was both happy and
uneasy..Michael seemed to swallow
saliva.
Michael: we want to support the
movement with 500,000naira
Me: wow..thats nice..
In my mind I was thinking he was
dumb, what if we lost?..na gulf
money be dat oh…come to think of
it, I really needed a gulf-car.
Abayomi: it’s really nice and I assure
you people, we will win.
Me: Michael, what do you want in
return?
They always wanted something in
return, some wanted seats in the
senate, others wanted academic
favours.
Michael: I want to be given the
license to build the only Cyber-café
in the SUG complex.
Abayomi shot a quick look at me; he
wanted to see if I had a problem
with it before I even spoke.
Me: That is huge Michael…
Abayomi: for 500,000 naira that is
huge.
Michael: we would give the
government 10% of the monthly
profit..
Me: that is risky Michael, 10% for
how long, Till our tenure is over?
Micheal: it will continue with your
predecessors
Me: so they will collect 10% without
having missed a heartbeat?
Michael: aren’t you doing this for the
good for all?
Me: 600,000naira Michael
A couple of students crowded
Michael to whisper into in his ears, I
guess they were his advisers. He
smiled after a while..
Michael: my people and I agree only
in the condition that kofo is removed
as campaign manager.
I looked at Michael and couldn’t
stop myself from smiling.
Kofo: no way! Why do you want to do
that…are you interested in my
position?
Abayomi was calm, I knew he didn’t
want to disappoint his side-chic at
the same time we all knew she
wasn’t a good campaign manager..
Abayomi: why do you want her off?
Michael: she doesn’t represent what
we want to be associated with.
So yahoo boys get reputation too? I
thought to myself
Abayomi: And that is?
I laughed and was immediately
burnt by Kofo’s blazing eyes
Michael: let’s just say she is too
cheerful and we are serious people.
And she has no experience for the
position.
Kofo: and who are you to decide
that?
Abayomi: kofo, if you don’t have
600,000naira to give us now, I
suggest you calm down, we would
look for another position for you.
The respect I had for Abayomi
quadrupled immediately, kofo sank
low..
Me: and do you have a candidate in
mind to replace her?
Michael: yes, we want somebody that
is experienced, that is loved by all…
from main to mini-campus, from
ago-iwoye to ijebu-igbo..that has
won all the elections he served as
campaign manager for..
Me: and who is that?
Michael: we want Timi
I almost collapsed, out of everybody
why Timi?..After everything, almost
changing school because of him..
I wanted to talk but Abayomi spoke
faster..
Abayomi: we agree, I will personally
speak to him
Abayomi looked at me and smiled,
this was his own way of revenge for
the kofo debacle, plus he always
liked Timi.
Michael: it’s a deal ladies and
gentlemen.

>>

Continues..
Me:you don’t know me miranda. You know my name and my course and I happen to be in the same room with you but you don’t know me.
Miranda:please calm down
Me:soon you will know miranda soon
Miranda:are you sure you are fine?
Me:yes I am but soon you will know the real me.
I was discharged that day and I went to the hostel. I slept alone that day in the hostel. The next day early in the morning when all students were already in the campus Belinda barged into the room looking angrier than ever. I was wearing an orange trouser with a lemon sleeveless shirt. I didn’t pack my hair. Belinda was shouting at me
Belinda:I hate you Milly, I hate you. I will never forgive you. You have made Preston to finally abandon me and now he is dating another girl. I will kill you
Me:please belinda please. I am not the one who made him date another girl.
She was now coming towards me, her girls was at the doorpost. And all I could shout was *belinda no no no belinda please!* She dragged me outside by my hair and threw me on the floor in the centre of campus. It began to rain but not heavily. She and her girls were beating me seriously when I saw Preston with the same Lady under an umbrella held by some boys. He felt unconcerned about me even if I was to be killed. Miranda came into campus and saw the girls still beating me. I started loosing strength. But I was still strong and still wanted the beating to go on. Miranda was running towards me when two of Belinda’s girls held her arms. She was already crying. The beating stopped for a while and she dragged my hair downward while I was still sitting on the floor.
Belinda: do you still want to live or die? Don’t forget you can always beg me for your life.(laughing)
Me:never! At least not from a lowlife like you.
She was about to punch me. I closed my eyes prepared for the worst. I waited for the punch but it didn’t come. I opened my eyes to see that Belinda’s hand was held by another person…
To be continued after comments..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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na only him waka come








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 06:30:25

353 Views



Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

It was Christmas and everyone
seemed to he having a great
time, but Father Akpos was
not.
He suddenly said to Father Johnny; You know
what. I'm fed up with all this good behaviour
and clean living. Why don't we go out and
have a good old sinful night
out. We could drink, go with
loose women and do whatever takes our
fancy.
Father Johnny replied; Are you mad? This is a
small
town. Everyone knows who we are.
Father Akpos said; I don't mean we should do
it here. We could dress like everyone else and
take the train to the city.
After much persuasion Father
Johnny agreed to do so and off they went
that night and partied until morning.
They arrived home and it was then that the
gravity of
what they had done began to
dawn on Father Johnny.
Father Johnny exclaimed; Oh my God. We are
going to have to confess our misdemeanor.
Don't worry....replie d Father
Akpos. 'I've already thought
about this. You get changed and go into the
confessional and I'll tell you all about my
misdeeds and you can absolve me. Then, I'll
do the same for you.
So, a short while later Father
Akpos went to the church and
entered the confessional. 'Father, forgive me
for I have sinned. I went out with a friend to
celebrate Christmas last night and got drunk,
had sexual relations with women, danced to
wicked music and used foul language.'
Father Johnny said; God is
patient and forgiving and so am I. Do five Our
Fathers, five Hail Marys and your sins will be
forgiven.
A short while later their positions were
reversed and Father Johnny confessed
everything in great detail.
'This is an outrage.' exclaimed Father Akpos.
'What kind of priest are you? Do five hundred
Our Fathers, Five
hundred Hail Marys, donate all
your income for the next three months to the
church, go right round the church on your
knees fifty times, asking God's forgiveness as
you do so. Then come back to me and maybe
I'll consider absolution.'
'What?' exclaimed the astonished Father
Johnny; 'What about our agreement?'
Akpos replied; 'What I do with my time off is
one thing, but I take my job very serious.'


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-04 18:24:26

519 Views




You can’t stop being afraid just by pretending everything that scares you isn’t there.

~ Michael MarshallRelated

Crazy husband [Read it]


Husband: Sweetheart
Wife: Yes honey!
Husband: Come!
Wife: why?
Husband: come first.
Wife: Ok, I'm here
Husband: Remove ur clothes
Wife: what for ?
Husband: Please, do it now!
Wife: I've done it.
Husband: Remove all ur panties.
Wife: why?
Husband: just do it now!
Wife: Ok, I'm nude now
Husband: Come to the bed!
Wife: Here I am!
Husband: Spread ur legs!
Wife: I've done it!
Husband: help me count my money!
Wife: Must I be nude while counting ur money?
Husband: Yes, because I don't trust u when it comes to money!

This man is from which country and state?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-28 17:05:19

1089 Views




Learn this if u want to be the best shoki dancer in the world








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-21 19:51:14

1149 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

saving friengs [Read it]


Boy reached home very late at night.

Father (angrily): where the hell were you?

Boy: I was at my friends home!

Father called his 10 friends,

4 Friend answered: "Yes Uncle! he was here with me."

3 Friend answered: "He just left a little while ago."

2 Friend answered:"He is still here and we are studying."

and the last one crossed all limits,

He answered, "Hello Dad! I will come late tonight."



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-10 11:21:17

385 Views



moon [Read it]


Felix 4get I'm bible for church,reach house begin jack hymnbook.CoooooMeeeNT


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-28 08:32:16

100 Views



Akpo period [Read it]


Akpos teacher asked his class who knows wat
period means? Akpos said, i don't know but i
don't think is a good thing. The confused
teacher asked akpos why, Akpos because wen
my sister said dat she didn't see her period for
4 months our mum fainted our dad got heart
attack and our driver ran away so i don't think
period is a good thing. One word for akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-10 18:37:52

444 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

sex robot [Read it]


A sex robot was designed to
satisfy women. It
was
tested on four women. The first
was an Hausa
woman, after one hour with the
robot, she
came out,
smiled, saying "Gaskiya e sweet
me die". The
next
was a Yoruba woman. After
three hours with
the
robot, she came out, smiled and
said "Ooshey
ooo!!". The next was an Igbo
woman. After
four
hours with the robot the Igbo
woman came
out
and
said Ndewo. The last woman was
a Calabar
woman,
after eleven hours with the
robot, the woman
was not still out, so the security
had to go
check on
them thinking the robot had
killed her only for
them
to see the calabar woman
chasing the robot
up
and
down saying "come here you liar,
if your
battery is
down how come you can still
run"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-28 21:40:00

3046 Views




I caught my pastor drinking star in a bar when i went there to drink star and shouted, ''Chineke! Pastor you supposed to be drinking Malt, Fanta or Coke and not Star.'' She replied, ''Shaarap, where was Malt, Fanta and Coke when Star was leading the three wise men to see Jesus.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-04 08:39:22

974 Views



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