Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Paul saw his shadow, he was coming towards him. He
braced himself for the inevitable and held his breathe.
The policeman suddenly passed where paul was
without seeing him. Immediately he passed, paul
grabbed him on the neck. The policeman was
struggling, there was no way he could turn his long gun and shoot paul and there was no way he could
shout because paul held his neck so tight. He struggled
till he gave up. Paul dragged him to one corner,
removed the policeman’s uniform and wore.
“This will facilitate my escape” he said. ++++ Paul walked out of the room, after dressing like the
policeman and collecting his gun and walkie talkie. He
came out slowly as if searching for a criminal. He looked round and he saw that nobody was looking
at him, all the other security men were looking for a
guy with a white long sleeve and blue jean, nobody
came to look for a policeman.
He used the opportunity to move towards the back
exit. He knew the wharehouse very well, he had studied his environment before coming for the
operation. “oboy where you dey go” a policeman whispered to
him. “I wan block the back door” he whispered back to him. “Back door dey? make we go block there na” the
policeman replied. He was trying to leave the area
where he thought they would be gun battle. As far as
he was concerned, he was leaving the danger zone,
little did he know that he was with the devil himself. “i never see this your face before o” The policeman
said when they had successfully reached outside after
series of stopping and looking around. “ehm, na C division i from, dem call us make we come
back una up” paul replied him. The guy was still asking paul some questions. Paul who
was now getting fed up, silently brought out his
silencer and shot the policeman. He looked round and noticed that nobody was
watching him so he quickly faced a lonely bush path.
Musa who was scouting the sorrounding, saw a
policeman running to the bush path. He immediately
knew something was wrong. He wanted to alert the
other members of The security team but he had a feeling they was a mole in the security team. How else
did paul escape and how did he gain entrance into the
hospital. He couldn’t call Jimmy for backup because there where
also in another operation. He quickly brought out his
phone and called Dr.Amos. “I have visuals on paul, I’m currently in pursuit, he is
headed for the bushy path that leads to ‘Jesus is lord
chapel” musa informed him. Amos was shocked, he didn’t know why musa was
giving him the information but one thing was sure, he
wanted to personally kill paul.
Amos was just coming out of Jacobs’ house were he
went to find his gun.
He had no car with him and there was no way he was going there in time without a car. He studied his
environment and saw a car parked by the street. He
sighed and walked to the car. He used his hand to
break the glass before opening it from inside. He practise what he had seen in a hollywood movie,he
destroyed the ignition, removed two wires and joined
them. The car roared to life, he smiled and then moved
the car the car slowly backwards so he could turn
properly. Just then, the owner of the car came out and
started shouting “Thief theif theif” Amos knew what it meant to be caught so he stepped
on the gear and sped off. +++++ The back up team had arrived and Jimmy was still
searching every corner of the room but didn’t find any
sign of the invisible quartet. He knew there was no way
they could escape since the room was covered all
round. He looked down And saw a corner with the tile
slightly displaced. He went and studied it before raising it. Lo and behold, there was a large room
underground. They all entered the underground room
but they noticed the lights were on. The underground
room was very large with iron pillars all over the place.
It was empty but they was a large metal that seperated
that room from another one behind. All of a sudden, the lights went off. They were still
wondering what was happening when the invisible
quartet came out of hiding and opened fire on them. They were taken unawares as some of them were hit
by the bullet. They ran and used the iron pillars as
shield, they hid behind the irons. Some of them where
still looking for where to hide when the lights came on
again. Those of them in the open where shut
outrightly, the lights went off again. Jimmy started understanding their pattern of attack. He waited for
the lights to come on again. Few seconds later, the
lights came on but there was no gunshot because
nobody was in the open. He knew they had come out
so he quickly rushed out and sprayed bullets. His bullets
shot one of them but he was also unlucky because he was hit by a bullet on his arm. He quickly hid again
while holding his arm. Other members of his squad got
angry as they all came out of hiding and started firing
their guns which made the invisible quartet to retreat.
NATU squad started moving forward in a straight file
while firing their guns. Agent white of the invisible quartet hid and Was
watching them as they were advancing. They got to a
point and white pressed a botton from a remote
control he had in his hand. The tile on that part where
the NATU agents stood was computerized.
Immediately white pressed the botton, the tiles automatically opened inwardly and all the agents fell
into a large pit that had been dug there. Inside the pit
was a large drum filled with concentrated acid.
Jimmy rushed in anger with his gun, shooting
sporadically. The two remaining ‘invisible quartets’ ran
to the next room but jimmy didn’t stop. He followed them and immediatelly he entered, the two men who
had hidden behind a drum opened fire on him, the
bullets hit him on the chest. “We are hiding behind a drum of petrol” White warned
his other agent. They quickly made to leave but they
were too late, Jimmy who had already fell to the
ground used his last breathe to shoot his gun. The
bullet hit the drum and it exploded, consuming the
two agents in the process. Jimmy breathe his last breathe with fufillment and
gave up. +++++++ Musa followed paul to the bush path, he had been
walking for 15minutes in the bush. Paul being a
trained soldier officer had used his soldier experience
to hide perfectly in the bush. Immediatelly musa
passed where he was, he came out of the bush and
pointed his gun at musa “Drop your gun” he ordered. Musa slowly dropped his gun. “Kneel down and put your hands on your head” he
commanded and musa slowly obeyed. Say your last prayer, cos you would be Meeting your
ancestors soon” he said and cracked his gun. “Kpaaaaaa” the gun sounded. Musa who wasn’t hit by the bullet slowly turned back
and saw paul lying lifeless on the ground. Amos was
holding a gun pointing at the dead body. He released
two more bullets. “Thats for Joe” he said ++++++++ ONE WEEK LATER Jacobs walked into the court. He saw Barrister clement.
“What are you doing here?” Jacobs asked. “I came to save your a’ss as usual” he replied. “Court rise” the bailiff shouted and everybody stood
up, the judge went to his bench and sat before
everyone sat down. The normal announcements where
done. There was tight security in the court premises.
“lets see your witness” justice okoro spoke to clement.
Clement called Grace out and she walked to the witness
box. She then told the court everything that happened
on that day. When she was through, clement came and
told the court all that happened to paul and his gang. “Do you want to cross-examine the witness” justice
okoro asked Barrister Briggs. “Yes your honour” he replied and stood up. He then
faced the court.
“I have been backing a criminal without being aware.
Paul Adeyemi actually attempted to kill my daughter
and not her husband. Right now i am not even worthy
of being a lawyer. I apologise to my daughter and this honourable court. I am resigning after this case” he
wiped his face with his handkerchief and went back to
his seat. “In the absence of any further witness, i hereby make
my judgement” Justice okoro spoke.
Due to lack of concrete evidence before this court, i
hereby strike out this case and order the release of Mr.
Jacobs with immediate effect. This is my judgement”
he hit his gavel. “court rise!!!” the bailiff shiouted and the judge left
the courtroom.
Grace quickly ran to Jacobs and hugged him. Tears
were flowing freely from both their eyes.
Someone cleared his throat and they looked up. It was
Barrister briggs. “I know i have been wrong Grace, but please forgive
me” he said and brought out a parcel, he opened it and
it was a necklace he had seized from grace when she
started dating Jacobs. It was a gift from Jacobs. Grace quickly collected it and hugged him tight.
“Happy wedding anniversary sweatheart” he said.
It was then that grace remembered that it was her 2nd
wedding anniversary.
“Hope its not late to give my blessings?” he asked. “Not at all dad” Grace replied. Just then Briggs sighted Clement. He left his daughter
and walked to him. He shook hands with clement
warmly.
“I’m proud of you” he said. Grace and Jacobs walked towards them and they all
embraced themselves in an emotional group hug. That
very moment, the previous chapter of their lives
ended. They were going to face a new life void of the
troubles of the invisible quartet.
Jacobs promised himself to personally fight for the release of Attah but that very moment, he just wanted
to enjoy his victory. Indeed he was victorious at the
end of the murder case.

THE END......
Comment If You Enjoyed The Story


laugh out loud....










NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-17 15:55:13

2722 Views



Church prayer [Read it]


A young girl was shouting and praying that God should help her with 2,000 Naira. That's all she needed.

At the same time, a man Akpos at the back of the church was quietly asking God to help him with 50 Million Naira.

The young girl was getting louder shouting, jumping and begging that God should please help her with 2,000 Naira.

Akpos went to her and asked; Is it only you God will hear? What's your problem?.

The girl replied that she needed the 2,000 Naira badly.

Akpos hissed, brought out 2,000 Naira from his pocket and said; Take this and be quiet so that God can concentrate!.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-04 18:59:46

618 Views



smart robot [Read it]


A woman was having sex with her lover in her
apartment, 20 stories high. Suddenly she heard her
husband arrive. She told her lover, stay like a statue and
don't move!
HUSBAND: Who is this?
WIFE: This is a robot I bought to have sex with when
you're travelling.
HUSBAND: Ok, let's have sex now.
WIFE: No sweetheart, yesterday I got my period. So I will
go and make a cup of coffee for you.
After she left the husband said to himself, "Damn it! I'm
so horny, I will f**k this robot!"
He tried having sex with the robot. The lover started
talking in a metallic robotic way, "SYSTEM ERROR!
WRONG HOLE! SYSTEM ERROR! WRONG HOLE!"
HUSBAND: Damn! This robot is not working properly. I'm
throwing it out of the window.
The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor, so he
said, "SOFTWARE UPDATED PLEASE TRY AGAIN!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-10 21:19:39

320 Views












A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, &ldquoad, how many
kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a
woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like
melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still
nice, hanging a bit. After 50,
they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes.
You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and
daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies
are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through
three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and
hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the
daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for
decoration.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-19 08:16:47

381 Views



Bank girlfriend [Read it]


I have been dating her for over four months now
and everything was going fine until this morning
when I decided to invite her to my place. And she
came!
When we were together, her phone rang but she
refused to pick her call, and I ask her why she
didn't pick, she said nothing. I checked who was
calling her, I saw 'Sterling Bank calling', and I
begged her to pick, maybe the bank wants to give
her money.
After that another call entered, 'GTB calling', she
ignored it, UBA followed, and I picked it but the
person didn't talk so I cut the call.
A minute later, First Bank call entered, she put it
on hold, when Zenith Bank called, she shouted at
Zenith Bank.
An hour later, one call entered her phone singing a
Lionel Richie song, I check and I saw 'CBN', she
picked it and answered the call sweetly.
Later when I asked her, she said that her Uncle
who is working there was the one that wished to
speak with her through the office line.
Few minutes later, World Bank call entered and
she was so happy to pick the call. After she had
finished receiving the call I picked up my phone to
flash her number.
Guess what I saw? Community Bank.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-09 20:36:08

596 Views




I MISS YOU MUM EPISODE 5 (STORY BY DINDY)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...

My dad was about to say something, then his phone rang, so he stepped out to pick it. My aunty dropped the things, which she and my dad bought for my mum, on a table that was right beside my mum's bed. My aunty looked at the time and it was 11.30am, then she asked my mum whether she has taken anything, she said no that the nurse told he not to eat until 12noon.
My aunty said "Ok let me boil water, so when it's 12noon you will eat. My aunty went to ask the nurse, who was attention to a patient in a room beside my mum's room, after my aunty left my dad came back.
I and my mum were talking when my dad called me a funny name, we all laughed then my dad's phone rang again, he picked the call and went out side. I guess he was trying to direct someone to the hospital because when he picked it, he said "Have you gotten to the bus stop?".
My mum called my little brother, he came close to her and then he started asking unnecessary questions like "mummy why are you sick? mummy why is your face fat? mummy where is your shoe", I got annoyed because of his unnecessary, unwanted, annoying questions, but my mum knew how to answer all his questions.
My dad came back from his out side trip, but no one came with him (I thought someone was coming with him), i was happy that no one came because I don't want any one to take away the attention my mum is giving me.
My dad sat on a chair, which was right beside my mum's bed, as he spoke to my mum about church and other stuffs, my aunty came back with hot water, she went straight to a table beside my mum, where the flask was kept.
After she turned it into the flask, my mum asked her what the time was, she checked her wristwatch and the time was 12noon.
She said "Wow I didn't know I spend this much time boiling water".
The nurse that was taking care of my mum was not too far, she was attending to the next door patient, it was as if she knew that it was time for my mum to eat.
The nurse walked in and told my mum that she could eat now --well I guessed the nurse timed my mum or maybe she has a supernatural power--.
The nurse also told my mum to take the drugs she brought, after my mum must have finished eating her food. After telling my mum what to do, the nurse left, then my dad told my aunty to make tea for her.
My mum asked me maybe I would eat with her --me no dull ooo, if na you, you go close eyes make better thing pass you?--, I told her yes with a smile.
My aunty said "See your head, you too like food Neil".
My dad said "mum's boy, you will always want what your mum want".
My little bro was just there siting on my dad's Lap saying and doing nothing --I guess he is dad's boy and I was mum's boy, so it's one-one--.
I and my mum ate and after we ate, my mum took her drugs. my dad started teasing my mum, then a phone call came in my dad's phone, I started to wonder who the caller was because the person was really disturbing our family play time.
In my head i said "If this person doesn't know the road here, let him/her go house, instead of bugging us".
I began to wonder, why my little brother was quite, he didn't play or fool around like always, he was well behave that day. I later remembered that his good behaviour, was caused by a nurse at the entrance, who warned him not to make noise or she would inject him with the biggest injection.
I said smiling to myself "Now I know what to use to get food and snacks from you little bro".......To be continue..... "After excitement".
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi.








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Q: What do the doctors do with the foreskin of a penis after the circumcision?

A: Sell them as chewing gum at the local gay bar.Related

Continue part******

(Hope this isn't what am thinking, after fifteen years I till found myself in this place, something I have forgotten and hope never to see,or is my eyes deceiving me no even in my sleep I can till tell lmada house,what is happening), I was in my thought when my father tap me "uyi call her so they can open the gate for us"my father said, I was confused I took my phone with shaky hand and I dailed her number she picked immediately, I told her I was at the front of her gate,I would hear the excitement on her voice, I know deep down I was in for it God please help me out of this.

The gate was open, i slowly drove inside the compound we all came down from the car,mimi came and embraced me then greet my father and uncles, I try to put on a smile I can't afford to let her know anything ,we all went in but before we got to the entrance of the sitting room i stop,my legs was weak to move my heartbeat was increasing because I came to remember that lmada mother knows me we have met in two occasions, what if mimi and lmada are sisters,what if lmada is in there."baby are you okey" mimi asked me I force out a smile,I told her I was okey we went inside she offered us a sit,everything was till the same, mimi later brought drinks for us she smile at me again and left,my mind wasn't at rest but I had to pretend and wait for the worst, not long mimi came out with her father and someone that she later introduced as his elder brother, well to cut the story short everything went well there,after making the agreement of when the marriage rite will be payed we left.

All my stay in Benin nothing usually happened, I and mimi see each other always but my mind wasn't at rest but I didn't bother to ask her anything related to lmada how I wish I did.

I and mimi later returned to Abuja so as to prepared for our wedding that will be taking place four months from that day,preparation was going on well we were to do the traditional marriage on Friday,the white wedding on Saturday then the Thanksgiving on Sunday everything was getting in place, the invitation cards was already being given out to a lot of friends,relations and co-workers, everything was moving find,just when the fear I had when I went to mimi house was washing away the worst happened.

It was a Sunday evening i finished service late because a member celebrated his birthday,I was till having my bath when I hear my phone ringing as soon as I finished having my bath I took my phone to see who it was,it was my beloved mimi I call her back at once. "Yes love am very sorry I was having my bath when you called" I told her "no problem baby I have a surprise for you"she sounded excited "hope its something good" I said "you will love it just come to my house now " "okey give me some minutes and I will be there" she hung up,I smile to myself,that is one thing I love about her she is always full of surprises .

In no time i was set to go,I drove to her place,on my arrival I saw her outside it was just like she knew I was coming,she hug me as soon as I enlightened from my car,I know you readers will be wondering why I haven't mentioned kiss or sex since I started talking about mimi,well I and mimi agreed no sex or romance till we get married as a good Christian sex is not allow till we tied the bone in presence of God.

She didn't even let me speak she just took my hands and lead me to her sitting room " what's going on" I asked her as soon as we got to the sitting room, "just wait here am coming" she said and left,she was really happy I could tell,not long she came out but not alone "baby"she called me I turn to look at the surprise but was stud with what I saw,with my eyes wide open,at once my month got dry up I nearly collapse, am I dreaming or what, "baby this is lmada my elder sister she has been overseas for a very long time now she just came back yesterday because of our wedding" I looked at her but couldn't say a word on the other hand lmade was just staring at me,my legs was heavy at that time,I didn't know what to do or say,before I could brink an eye lmada collapse, it was the screaming of mimi that brought my sences back, lmada just fainted,I quickly got hold of lmada carry her and off to the hospital, even as much as I want this nightmare to stop I still don't want her dead.

We got to the hospital and lmada was quickly attended to,we waited behind,I wasn't myself mimi keep asking questions, questions I couldn't answer even if I want to where will I start from, the doctor came out later,mimi ran to meet him he told us lmada was fine now but hasn't waken up,we went to the room to see her,she was till unconscious, I console mimi no matter what I till have to behave like a man.

I later left mimi there because she wanted to stay with her a little longer,as I entered my sitting room I fall on the couch, I didn't know when I started crying like a baby, my past has really come to hurt me,I regretted everything I did,how I wish I cloud turn back time,now that my life is moving fine,oh mimi what will she think of me,our wedding is just two months from now,they say sins can be forgiven will this one be forgiven.

Next part.


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Girlfriend’s father to Pappu, “How dare you took my daughters virginity?”

Pappu: I’m sorry, Sir. It won’t happen again!Related

However successful you are, there is no substitute for a close relationship. We all need them.

~ Francesca AnnisRelated

Akpos was caught for stealing the church clock and was sued to court.the following conversation ensued.
Magistrate:the people said they caught you stealing the wall clock of the church guilty or not guilty
Akpos:i didn't steal d clock,i just took it,because i heard d pastor saying on his sermon.'GOD'S TIME IS THE BEST'.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-02 01:50:44

628 Views




EPISODE 20

Stella opened the door for her.
‘Good morning, Ma.’
‘Where is your master?’
‘Oga is in his room.’
Richard came out wearing his long sleeping
robe
which
Cynthia often teased him that he looked
like a
magician from Middle Earth in it. He finally
stopped wearing the garment but he did
not allow
Cynthia to throw it away like she did any of
his
wearables she asked him to stop wearing.
‘Oh my god, Richard you look so stressed
out.’
‘How are you, Vanessa?’ Richard said. He
tried to
smile but failed. His entire face was without
life,
like when one had drank poison and just
waiting
for death.
He sat down and Vanessa quickly joined
him in the
couch.
‘Richard, you look awful really.’ Her hand
was on
his thigh.
Richard tried again to smile. It was more
productive this time, at least.
‘I’m ok.’
‘Oh no, you are not. I mean look at you.’
She
reached to straighten the collar of his
garment.
Richard nodded, projecting a near moronic
face.
‘Don’t worry, we’ll get you back in no time.
It’s just
a minor complication. Things will be okay.’
Richard so wanted to ask her what in god’s
name
she was saying or even what she had really
come
to do, but he dithered.
‘Here, Ma.’
Vanessa turned to collect the wine glass
from
Stella. Her face twisted.
‘And you, you are the maid, are you not?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why did you tell your Madam that your
master
slept in Mma’s room. Is that part of your
job, gbo?’
Stella went still like rock.
Richard’s brows rose at her.
‘Stella, did you say anything to your
Madam?’
Stella was shivering and stammering.
After Richard barked at her to go inside
and pack
her things and she entered the room,
Vanessa
rubbed Richard’s chest and told him to
calm down
and not to get himself all worked up again.
‘So do you know where the girl is now?’ she
asked
after Richard had settled back in his seat.
‘I don’t know.’
‘She doesn’t have a mobile, does she?’
Richard shook his head.
Vanessa sighed. ‘This is serious. I must
say my
friend has acted a bit too irrational. The
poor girl
was pregnant for god’s sake.’ Her voice
went
quieter. ‘But then who would blame her?’
She turned to pick her wine glass.
Richard stared at her with expressionless
eyes.
She was short, yet not small. In fact,one
would
think twice before calling her short. Maybe
on days
she wasn’t on a high heeled shoe, which
was
never.
She had clean dark skin like Mma’s but
then, no
one could actually tell because like her
friend,
make-up was her close relative.
She sipped from her glass.
‘I think it’s best we go looking for her.’
Slight interest permeated Richard’s face.
‘We should?’
Vanessa nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘But where would we start?’
‘We can drive to Jibowu. That’s where
those
eastern people go to board bus to the
East.’
Those eastern people. Richard wondered if
she
wasn’t from the East herself.
‘She might have gone since yesterday.’
‘Maybe.’ She sipped her wine and dropped
the
glass.
‘Or maybe not. She could have missed her
bus.
And no one actually knows if she had
enough
cash.’
‘Ok.’
‘Yes. Go change.’
‘Ok.’ He rose.
Stella appeared out of the hallway with her
bag.
Richard counted her salary and gave her.
‘Oga, you must forgive me. I did not–‘
‘Will you disappear from this place! That’s
how you
people go about breaking homes
everywhere.
Com’on, si ebea
gbafuo osiso!’
She hissed and crossed her legs.
Richard walked quietly into the room.

Good Night.

>>

what i saw [Read it]


WALE: teacher, I saw the strap of ur bra...
TEACHER: wale, !! Get outside naughty boy!
U are suspended from classes for one week!
JOHNBULL: (started laughing)
TEACHER: why are u laughing johnbull?
JOHNBULL: I just saw both straps of ur bra.
TEACHER: Oya johnbull!! Get outside!
U are suspended from classes for one month !.
TEACHER : (bends down to pick chalk)
AKPOS: (started walking out to the class)
TEACHER: Akpos why are u walking out of the class?
AKPOS : Teacher the thing wey I see now, I tink my school days are over !!!!!! ....... Ojigbijigbi


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-28 20:09:26

802 Views




Me: This is Biola’s Phone Simbiat: The screen is broken, it has been off all this
while though as i don’t even have money to repair the
phone as all the engineers i gave it to said the screen is
not yet available in Nigeria except we will order for it
from abroad. Me: Who was the person in my house before my arrival
then Simbiat: I still have the phone conversation on my
phone and i don’t know if this phone can be repaired
maybe there might be some clue of the person that
came to the house there Me: definitely, thanks so much dear, you are a
darling..can you help me take this phone to my
lawyer? Simbiat: Where is his office? Me: This place, just give him the phone and explained
to him your understanding Simbiat: But you know i might not be able to come to
court as a witness Me: No problem dear, just help me drop your number
for the lawyer too so that we can always contact you We discussed about some other things most especially
about life and the way she should be going forward. I
teased her if she now has a relationship, she said she
has a corper friend that she was seeing as at then, i
asked her to keep it cool and never engaged in
something that will put her life in danger again. Simbiat didn’t leave without dropping something for
the warden, which is what they enjoyed most about
my visitors as they always drop tip for them which in
turn make them to give me preferential treatment
whenever i have a visitor. Its been more than a month Simbiat visited me, i
didn’t hear anything from the lawyer, even my mum
that came to visit me twice only told me that the
lawyer said he was working on new evidence with the
police. She said he assured them that everything will
be alright based on the new available evidence. I was taken to the court on the fixed date, everybody
in the court including me was stunned when my
lawyer requested the court of appeal to order retrial of
my case. He based his submission on the fact that
there was another lead by the police on the actual
person that murdered my wife. He posited that new evidence showed that the actual
killer of my wife has been apprehended by the police
and in fact, police have actually concluded their
investigation o the matter. Police was called to
ascertain the claim of my lawyer which they confirmed
that they have apprehended a new suspect based on some evidence available to them and they are ready to
charge the person to court for trial. In a unanimous judgement, appeal court granted our
prayer and instructed the police to re-arraigned me for
new trial based on their submission that a new lead
has been establish. He struct out the decision of the
high court sentencing me to 11 years imprisonment
and ask them to go ahead with the new trial without further delay. I was asked to be remanded in the
prison pending the determination of my case by the
high court over the new trial. It was a joyful moment
that my appeal was finally granted and i feel relieved
seriously but i still need an explanation from my
lawyer about this new evidence.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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No sex [Read it]


LADY: Akpos, no sex for now, I'm mourning my late husband.


AKPOS: That's why I'm wearing a black condom. So open your legs and accept my condolence.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-22 17:25:05

183 Views



ANOTHER PRESIDO [Read it]


Abeg u get the contact of the Lady that gave Ex president Sani Abacha apple??
I can't be buying fuel at 145, another President needs the Apple?........


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-20 10:50:32

403 Views




AKPOS THE RADIO PRESENTER
AKPOS; Whats your
contribution?
CALLER; There is this lady i
wanted in my life shortly
after my NYSC, but all my effort proved abortive.
She
wouldn't pick my calls, she
would laugh at me while
passing by, for reasons best
known to her! FIVE Months
later, i was able to get my apartment,a new
car,courtesy
of a contract job i secured with
a major oil company.Now
most of the missed calls i have
is hers,dozens of SMS from her
and all that.... i am confused on what to do. PLS
help me out!!! AKPOS; listen up guy! Pick up
your phone now, give her a
call,letting her know you'll be
at her house in 2hrs. You take
a good shower, wear a nice
outfit, and an attention- catching perfume.When it
is
exactly 2hr, call her&tell her
you'll be there in another
2hrs.When the 2hrs is over,
you now drive down to her
house, get down from the car, walk to her door.
Once she
opens the door,welcome her
with the sexiest smile you've
got,stylishly look into her
eyes,draw her slowly to
yourself,take your mouth to her ear& whisper
"THUNDER
FIRE YOUR HEAD"!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-02 16:49:23

460 Views




Johnny is a young boy, just potty trained. When he goes to the bathroom though, he manages to hit everything but the toilet. So his mom has to go in and clean up after him. After two weeks, she has had enough, and takes Johnny to the doctor.

After the examination, the doctor said, “His unit is too small. An old wives’ tale is to give him two slices of toast each morning, and his unit will grow so he can hold it and aim straight.”

The next morning Johnny jumped out of bed and ran downstairs to the kitchen. There on the table, are twelve slices of toast.

“Mom!” Johnny yells. “The doctor said I only had to eat two slices of toast.”

“I know.” said his mother. “The other ten are for your father.”Related

Double Wahala [Read it]


A student failed in law and decided to make a deal with
professor.
Sir, do you know everything about law?
Professor: Yes.
Student: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final
marks, if you can't, you have to give me "A".
The Professor agreed.
Boy asked, "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal &
neither legal nor logical?"
The Professor thought about it for hours & pondered but no
answer. He finally had to give up as he really did not know and
he gave the boy an "A".
The following day, professor asked same question to his
students.
He was shocked when all of them raised their hands. He asked
one student.
The student answered "Sir, you are 65, married to 28 years old
woman, this is legal but not logical. Your wife, is having an affair
with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal. Your wife's
boyfriend has failed in his exam and yet you have given him an
"A", this is neither logical nor legal."
The professor collapsed...
Good evening pipo


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-05 22:31:01

312 Views




A taxi driver with his passengers on their way for along journey. five hours after leaven a park, taxi driver was in mood of driving while some passengers like akpos nd others had felt halfsleep and some were charting and making noise. a shortwhile after taking a first corner, army robbers were at the point for a serious robbering. the driver sighted them and informed his passengers, fears grifted both the driver and the passengers. they have waived and asked to come out and lying down. akpo and some passengers doesnot have money to give. army robbers tells them that if u donot have money, you can pull off your shirt so that we can write your full name at your back. akpos' name was INNOCENT. when writting a first passenger's name and his father, blood shed and wet akpo. now it is akpo's turn. "what 's your name ?" army robber asked akpo. "sir, my name is 'I'. is a traditional name" akpo draw I on the ground. "okay! what is your father's name ?" army robber asked akpo. "i dont knw, he died before i was born.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-03 16:42:45

1092 Views



Pilot Akpos [Read it]


“Good Evening Ladies and
Gentlemen This is
Captain Akpos speaking. On
behalf of my crew
I’d like to welcome you
aboard NIGERIA Airways flight
331 from LAGOS to LONDON.
We are currently flying at a
height of 35,000
feet midway across the
Atlantic. “If you look
out of the windows on the
starboard side of
the aircraft, you will observe
that both the
starboard engines are on
fire. “If you look out
of the windows on the port
side, you will
observe that the port wing
has fallen off. “If
you look down towards the
Atlantic ocean,
you will see a little yellow life
BOAT with three
people in it waving at you.
“That’s me your
captain, My friend Bovi the
co- pilot, and one of the air
hostesses.
This is a recorded message.
Have a good flight!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-30 23:19:24

580 Views



AWFUL TIME [Read it]


"I've just had an awful time," said a boy
to his friend, "First I got angina pectoris,
then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was
recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave
me hypodermics, and to top it all,
tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy." "Chai! How did you pull through?"
sympathized his friend. "I don't know," the boy replied,
"Toughest spelling test I ever had."
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-02 17:31:28

636 Views




Italy’s Vittorio Pozzo is the only head coach to lead the nation to two consecutive Fifa World Cup titles as the head coach in 1934 and 1938.Related

drum [Read it]


Drum set







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-27 18:19:28

1004 Views




1st Girl: What’s the spelling of PENIS?

.

.

.

.

.

.

2nd Girl: Oh My God! It is so easy. But exactly Yaad Nahi Aa Raha… Abhi Thodi Der Pehle Hi Mere Munh Mein Tha!Related

A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.

Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n said: He’s not my friend.Related

If I Should Die [Read it]


He wanted to make Mama proud.

He knew he was all she had; Papa was down with elephantiasis and Mama had cataract—those milky secretion threatening to cover up her right eyeball.

He was the only son and the first child.

He had two other siblings: Amaka sold cold sachet water after school hours and Obiageli lived with the village midwife, nursing a five months old pregnancy—the product of a sour romance.

He was just twenty years old when he got the job of a porter in Eko Hotel after five months in Lagos.

Those five months were the most difficult period of his life; he had tried his hands on almost everything, all to no avail.

He’d wanted to learn tailoring, but they needed money for Papa's treatment as fast as possible—they had finally gotten to know about a true native healer for elephantiasis in a distant village.

And so here he was now, in one of the fanciest hotels in this part of Lagos State, trying to make ends meet.

His take-home pay wasn’t above thirty thousand, but his daily take-away sustained him.

He received tips here and there from generous customers for the little chores he did for them.

Chief Adekunle was one of such customers.

''Obiora, how are you?'' he would say, patting his shoulder. ''I like your hustling spirit, keep it up.''

He would smile and thank him.

And just like that he would give him a thousand naira note, sometimes two— he was the most generous of them all.

Obiora usually had dreams where he saw himself driving Chief about in his sparkling Lamborghini, cruising the entire town of Lagos.

One evening, Chief invited him into his hotel room.

That was his first time to enter the room.

There he stood, awkward, looking round the white-painted room.

His eyes fell on the wad of crisp naira notes on the bedside table.

He had an inkling of what was to come next, Chief was a philanthropist after all. The other day he had asked him about his family and he had narrated his story, maybe he wanted to finally help him.

Chief came out robed in a white housecoat, parted in the middle so that his brown hairy thighs were visible.

He had an offer for him, a mouth-watering pay for something very small.

But what Chief told him to do was what he dreaded doing. It was against his spirit and standards.

He left the room disappointed and boiling in rage.

Two days later, Chief accused him of stealing a thick wad of naira notes from him—that same amount he had offered to him to have him lie with him.

And so the hotel management sacked him and he was jailed.

He had no one to call.

He woke up the next morning with blood in his shorts.

Don't Go without of comment


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten!Related

Lick her armpit [Read it]


Stop kiss ur girl's neck all the time
Surprise her and lick her armpit


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-20 10:10:57

871 Views



Naughty Akpos [Read it]


Akposy draws a p*nis on a black board.
Lady teacher rubs it off.
Next day he draws a bigger one and writes:"REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!





NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-14 14:41:34

1826 Views




“Its a small world Mrs Amposah, I’m
watching youâ€
Obed said and left with Mansa
Indeed Mrs Amposah was really scared having heard those words from Obed.
He was his new worry and was determined to find
out who Obed really was.
Obed took Mansa to his place.
It was quite a huge Mansion and to Mansa’s
surprise, no one lived with Obed in that house, not
even a house help.
Mansa from the initial stage felt safe but was she
alone with a man in a house? That was one thing
that made her felt worried.
Obed was a gentleman, he fed her breakfast in her
room, took care of her, bought anything that she
wanted before she even asked.
Mansa was just living a good life.
She also didn’t keep anything from him, she
was completely transparent to him. She told him all
that she encountered with Chris and even his
accusations about Kuu being the rapist.
Obed then advised her not to make any
conclusions but he will help her find who really
the culprit was.
One thing Mansa found strange about Obed was
that, he never had cell phone on him nor email
address or anything that you could use to contact
him.
He never had friends who came over to visit him. Ever since Mansa moved in with him, no one has
ever come by the house.
The most awkward thing was, Mansa never knew
the room in which Obed slept. Even though it was
a mansion, it was only a 6 bedroom house.
Apart from Mansa’s room, all the other rooms were locked all the time.
She tried several times that she will wait till Obed
fell asleep before she does. With that, she will be
able to monitor him and eventually get to know
where he sleeps.
But it was to no avail, she was always the first to sleep before Obed.
Usually they will wake up and have morning
devotion or prayers together at the living room
but
something happened on one of the occasion.
After one morning devotion, Mansa somehow found herself on Obed’s lap as they watched
television together.
Mansa was getting used to Obed. She starred at
him, and strangely she wanted to kiss him. It
looked as if Mansa was gradually falling in love
with Obed. He has shown so much kindness to her and for
the
first time she was feeling something real.
Something she had never felt before. She took her
head off his lap and took his hand, looking
straight into his eyes.
“Obed, why are you doing this, i don’t
know why
you are helping me so much†Mansa asked him
“Mansa, I believe that sometimes in life every
body needs a helper. I just followed my instincts. Who
knows what God is also doing for me because of
what I’m doing for you. Miracles do happen
you
know, but we just don’t see it because we
humans are too dependable on pastors, friends and
whoever they can trust. I’m not the one you
should
be asking this question. God himself will give you
an answer.†Obed said.
His words was just too pleasing to her ears. There is no person who has attained perfection but for
Obed, it seems he has.
Mansa kept looking into eyes. She felt like kissing
him. She just mentioned his name and drew her
face closer to his.
At this time, Obed knew the intention of Mansa. They virtually feel each others breath.
However, Obed withdrew and stood up from
where Mansa was sitting.
Mansa came to her senses and somehow
regretted her actions.
She apologized to Obed and quickly ran into her room.
Kuu on the other was trying to get into contact
with
Mansa for several times but was to no avail. He
decided to come back home when his mother
told him about Mansa and Obed.
Kuu was furious and somehow jealous for a
reason known to himself.
Without waisting anytime, Kuu quickly rushed
home with the motive of questioning his mother
for making Mansa move in with Obed. He budged into the house and went straight to
his
mother’s room only to see her really sick in
bed.
All his life, she has known her mother to be a very
strong woman. It seemed this sickness was quite difficult for her to handle.
But to his mother’s surprise, he was not really
bothered about her sickness.
All he wanted was to know the whereabout of
Mansa.
“Mum, where is Mansa? show me where she is, i
need her address†Kuu asked his mother in a
very
angry tone.
“Kuu, why are you so concerned about that
girl, when i, your mother is seriously sick in bed†Mrs
Amposah said.
“Mum, just tell me where she is, that’s all i
needâ€
Kuu asked again.
“Kuu, Mansa is with his baby’s daddy and soon
they are going to get married so stop bothering
about her. †Mrs Amposah said.
“Baby’s daddy my foot! that Man is a liar,
Mansa is
carrying my child†Kuu revealed. His anger made him to spit out his secret. His
mother struck with a shock.
That was the moment Kuu realized that he had
said
too much.
To be continued


>>

Triangle [Read it]



A doctor was in his office when a patient
arrived.the doctor exclaimed'wow u are
looking very bad.what happened?' the
man replied.well,i came into my house
one afternoon,and suspected that my wife
wassleeping with a man.i ddnt see any 1
wen i went upstairs to the bedroom.but i
looked outside the window and saw a man
wearing his clothes.i took our deep freezer
i threw it at him..thats how i dislocated
my hand
.
.later,another patient came in.the doctor
shouted "OH lord!,you look worse than my
last patient..what happened to you?" he
replied "doctor,for d past 5 yrs i havent
gotten any job.yesterday i was finally
accepted as an afternoon gardner..as i was
changing into my working clothes.a deep
freezer from above just landed on my
body"
.
.
.few hours later.another patient walked
in..the doctor said"wow,wat happend to
you?" the man replied.i was enjoying
another man's wife.when i saw him
coming.i quickly got into the deep freezer
and hid.i expected him to get whatever he
wanted to get,and go back to his
work..wen all of a sudden i felt someone
lifting the deep freezer and throwing me
outside



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 20:14:37

368 Views




Ticket Please !!!!

Three accountants and three engineers all have to take a train to go to a special conference. At the ticket counter the accountants each buy a ticket but the engineers only buy one between the three of them. The accountants ask how are are they going to all travel with just one ticket. The engineers say “Watch this”. when the train starts moving the three engineers all go into the bathroom together. when the conductor walks by he knocks on the door and asks “ticket please”. one hand extends out of the bathroom with the ticket. The conductor moves along.

The accountants agree that this is a very clever plan and decide to try it them selves on the return trip. However for the return trip when the accountants only buy one ticket the engineers by none. “how are all of you going to travel without any ticket?” the accountants ask. “Just watch” so the engineers. They all get onto the train the accounts all cram into one bathroom and the engineers cram into another. then one of the engineers leaves the bathroom and walks to the bathroom where the accountants are hiding, knocks on the door and says, “ticket please.”Related

One day theres a couple of kids in a phycology class. The teacher stands up and says to the class "stand up if u think you're stupid!" after about 5 minutes Little Johnny stood up and the teacher says "do you think you're stupid Johnny?"

To which Little Johnny replies "No miss i just hate to see you standing there all by yourself!!!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-14 10:00:25

601 Views



ATM Wahala [Read it]


Funniest day at the Atm queue. One guy
was using almost 30minutes to withdraw,
one igbo man just yelled MR MAN, ARE YOU
BROWSING? ?



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-04 11:53:00

656 Views




As soon as i got to the police station, I called my elder brother who couldn’t believe all i told him.

“hold on tight my dear. I’ll be there shortly” he assured me.

I was quickly led to an office where i was asked to write a statement, which i nervously did while Damian’s two cousins who came with me kept talking to each other. After writing all i knew on the note book, a female officer showed up to question me. I tried my best to convince her.

“just look at me. How possible do you think a Nigerian girl would murder a husband taking her out of the country to celebrate their marriage?. I didn’t do it. One of them did. You got to help me” i begged. She shrugged and shook her head.

“of course i believe you. You have no reason to kill him but you see i’m just an ordinary officer taking orders from my superiors, anyway i believe my boss. S.P Jeremiah will know how to handle your case. He’s a good man and a crime expert” she assured me.

My brother showed up minutes later with his Lawyer who quickly took over my case. I told them all i knew and the events that happened after i discovered the dead body. My brother was totally shocked.

“don’t worry my dear. I know this is going to be a tough case. I smell the American Embassy getting involved but be rest assured that i will go any length to prove your innocence, even if it means getting experts from abroad. I have friends who can examine the case and get results” he promised seriously. I breathed deeply and hugged him, thanking God for giving me a wealthy and intelligent brother.

Officer Jeremiah soon showed up at his office and requested for our presence. Damian’s cousins officially accused me before him, asking that i should be detained but my brother’s lawyer intervened quickly.

“officer i hope you know everyone that passed the night in that house is a suspect?. They all had access to the bedroom, anyone of them could have committed the crime. If you guys are going to detain my client without proper evidence and reason. You equally should detain all the people present that night, else i will be the person to file a lawsuit against the police, after all none of them can come forward to testify seeing my client murder her husband” the lawyer threatened, putting the officer in a tight position.

“fine i’m not going to detain her, but you will have to sign a document which places her in your custody. This is a murder case” the officer said strongly, while my brother’s lawyer nodded in acceptance, Damian’s cousins protested.

The document was signed in no time and i was free to go.
“we are also getting a court permit which will enable us get our own team of investigators and go through the case. We are not going to take any chances” my lawyer said to the officer who shrugged and smiled.

“this is bullshit, we are heading to the embassy” Damian’s cousins threatened and left with anger. It was obvious i had a long case ahead of me. Luckily i had a brother who equally had the means to defend me and catch the culprit….

>> Part 4 -

Awesome reality:

.

.

.

Best friends never propose each others…!

.

.

.

But

.

.

.

They really feel bad when one gets committed to some other !

Agree???Related

Pics Of Heavy Equipment Recovered From Boko Haram`s Failed Attack In Maidugury










NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-27 07:39:54

220 Views





Akpos goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.

"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."

"`What about the other ear and your hand?" the doctor asked.

Akos replied, "I tried to call for an ambulance."


The doctor refer him to a psychiatrist.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-08 07:43:29

429 Views



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