Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Do you remember:
Those days when we went to school, lined up
and
the headmistress and teachers inspect our nails
and uniform, then we match to our classrooms?
The days of 'Nasco Biscuit', 'Okin biscuit', 'Trebor', 'Iced Coloured water' tied in nylon (we
called it "lolly")?
The days of 'Goody-Goody' and 'Pako Biscuit'?
The days of Ali and Simbi, Mr Salami and Mrs
Salami, Agbo lives in Calabar?
Those days when one naira is money, when groundnut was 5 kobo and 'choco milo' sweet
was 5 kobo?
The days of messing game, 'who is in the
garden', 'police and thief'?
The days of 'Mama and Papa'?
The days when we use to build houses with sand, play 'Suwe game', 'tinco tinco', 'change of style',
'ten ten', 'skipping', 'stop!'?
Those days when we used to fly kite on streets,
when boys used to use the paint bucket cover as
tire and their daddy's hanger as d steering?
Those days when rubber band was stock exchange?
Those days when votron, jimbo, power rangers,
spider man was our favourite cartoons?
The days of limca soft drinks and choco milo
advert on black and white TV and Sunday
rendezvous by 1:30pm? Those days when we say 'leke leke give me
white
finger, I'll give you back'?
Those days when eleganza pen was the best?
The days wen we used to drink water from the
tap, even suck out the water if it's not coming out?
The days when NTA will show rainbow color for
30 minutes then play the National Anthem before
they start their programmes at 4pm?
The days wen basket sandals, simbi and Bata
sandals were the best? The days when we all sing 'sandalili sandalili'
songs?
Now Dstv has come. No more old fun. I'm really
proud to have experienced all this. If you are not
smiling, it means you were not born in my
generation. Which means you are the INDOMIE generation #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-13 17:25:40

385 Views




Tujh Se Pehlay Jo Ik Shakhs Yahaan Takht Nasheen Tha;

Usko Bhi Apney Khudaa Honey Ka Itna Hee Yaqeen Tha!Related

THE PEN (EPISODE 4) STORY BY DINDY
Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story.

It had been more than a week, since Daniel bought me from the human in the shop and some-things were becoming a little bit old for me.
I still saw new things that I had never since before, but it was not surprising to me, as the first time I came out side.
--I know you guys might wonder how I learnt all this english words, well what do you expect when the kid that bought me writes a lot and he likes english. He also enjoys drawing even ought he draws with his pencil some times.--
Things were more interesting than ever because i started knowing more things, as time moved and other stuff like that.
Although I fell and was beaten by him severally, when my ink didn't come out, I don't blame him because I knew he did not understand our mechanism.
Let me tell you a little about this boy called Daniel or let me say my master.
Daniel was a good kid, he was fair in complexion and very intelligent. He was one of the best in his class, he had this unbelievable ability of solving things fast and quick. Well that's enough about him, let's go back to me.
Daniel taught me a lot of things, but I am sure he didn't know. I'm sure that he never knew that the more he used me to write, the more intelligent I became.
We both benefitted from one another. Everytime he used me to write, i never forgot the words because a pen never forgets its ink which was used to put down a word/number/drawing.
We pen never forget our ink, which was used to write because the ink is part of us and it is what keeps us alive.
--You humans are always ignorant about things around you, you humans won't believe me if I told you what things around you can do. Sometimes things around you, saves you from death without you know it at all.--
There came a day that i was kept beside the book that Daniel was using to draw. Daniel was in class siting and drawing with a pencil, when one of his friends walked close to him and said something.
--Although I was made not to hear or smell or say a word anything, I wasn't use to the feeling of not having the abilities because if I had all those abilities, I would have learnt so many other things more than the things I knew.--
He left me on his desk, beside the book with the pencil still in his hand, then followed his friend as they both went out side.
It was unlike Daniel to leave me like that, he is not a careless kid and he takes good care of his things, even his books were well arranged in his bag and non of them look worn-out or faded.
one of his friend saw me and picked me up, I was so annoyed when he picked me up.
If I was able to shout, I would have shouted so loud, that even Daniel who went out would hear me.
His friend's name was unknown to me, so was his reason for why he had picked me up like he is my master and king.
He dropped me in his left pocket, in an upside down position. While I was there, I was wishing and hoping that Daniel would come back quick enough before his unknown friend, would do what he did to the other pen I saw in his hand the other day to me.
--On that faithful day, I was looking around and my sight got hold of him, he was chewing the tube of a pen. I wondered why the kid did that. I thought maybe the kid was trying to chew the pen down to a smaller size so that it could fit into another pen's case or maybe he just did it for fun sake. Any which ways, I didn't just want to become a victim of his brown and large teeth, that looks like a madman's hair.--
A big blow landed on my head --My cap wasn't on my head it was on my butt--.
The blow was very heavy, which caused my body to crack at the side a little bit (It hurts so much).
I knew it was the kid's hand that did that because I know the touch of Daniel's finger (remember I am a pen). The kid dipped his hand inside his pocket to bring me out.
I saw light again which was cool, but I was really furious, in my front was Daniel standing and looking at the kid.
Daniel's lips were moving, but I was not able to understand because I was still adjusting myself to the crack that disorganized my sense of actuality. I was happy to see Daniel.
The kid handed me over to Daniel, In my mind I was saying "Yea you better give me back to Daniel, if you don't want the thunder raining on you".
I know it was a silly talk, but I was angry at that time, so everything I said that time was a random talk that came from anger.
When my body touched Daniel's hand, it felt like home. Believe me when I say "When your master touches you it feels like home". --I felt life itself, most of you won't understand until you meet your creator.--
Daniel was angry with the kid that took me, I saw how his face was frowned and saw the kid pointing at me.
Daniel relied him back, by showing him the little tiny marks, he gave me when he bought me newly.
--The day Daniel marked me, that day was a day of honour. It was a day I realized that he was my real master and I was made to serve him all my life until there was no more ink left in my tube.--
The kid turned and went out, after seeing the marks that Daniel showed him on my body.
Daniel removed my cap from my butt and placed it on my head, then i relaxed and took a short minutes sleep ....... To be continued.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi



>>

Recently a man had to be hospitalised to get his wedding ring cut off, as it got stuck on his penis. Actually, this guy’s girlfriend found the ring in his pant pocket and got so mad at him that she stuck it on him while he was asleep.


I don’t know what’s worse:

1. Having your girlfriend find out you’re married.

2. Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis.

Or

3. Finding out that your penis fits through your wedding ring!Related

Jackson: the thing is that
Rose: yes and
Jackson: come slow down;fine;we were able to sell the building for twenty billion
Rose: wait;what do you mean by billion or are you talking about million?how can a building be sold for twenty billion naira?
Jackson: is not just any building. it is well furniture with twenty rooms and each rooms has a master bedroom;it has five living room;two kitchen that is as big as some peoples one room apartment and it also has a swimming pool;basketball pitch;long tennis court and even a small club house at the side with packing space and flowers even the floor is interlock and well fence. for me the money is two small

Rose: that is no way just a building for people to live on
Jackson: you are funny those whom are extremely rich could afford that
Rose: i know;even if i have all the world money i will not settle for that
Jackson: see who is talking
Rose: anyway that aside;so how much was your share
Jackson: the company got two billion from carrying out the advertisement effectively and each of us that was involved in the project got a share
Rose: and your share is
Jackson: three million naira
Rose: oh my God!i can't wait to go for shopping
Jackson: that is the only thing yo know
Rose: come off it;you remember when i normally get a hit that is big,i always treat you
Jackson: i know;i haven't said that am not going to treat. am going to do that bit in a different way
Rose: so how did intent to do it
Jackson: our two girls are coming back and by then our son will be on holiday and that is the time we normally have our leave. so we can all pay my parents a visit that way we can bond and make up for lost time
Rose: i know but that won't stop my shopping
Jackson: fine;i agree,you can go by weekend
Rose: oh!thank you sweetie
Jackson: you welcome


Ann: when ever i finish watching any movie that have to do with friends betraying one another;i just can't help but thank God that we are not like that
Anita: yes;we are still together and we are still concern about ourselves
Tosan: we are really not like that
Tina: we would had benn like that,if Stephanie was still living with us
Tosan: what did you mean by that
Tina: what i meant is that the only bad person among us was Stephanie
Anita: she is not a bad girl
Tina: i know you are going to take side with her
Anita: am not taking side with anyone;am just telling you the truth. we both have been friends right from childhood and she has not posses any character that is evil
Tosan: yes
Tina: you make me laugh. wait till she do what she is doing to me to you also
Ann: i don't just get you,i thought you two are fine now
Tina: me and that woman can't never be friends because she is a user
Ann: but why?isn't it enough that because of you,she no longer live here and rumour had it that you are the one that mad Michael break up with her
Tina: even if i did;is nothing compare to all the things she had done to me
Tosan: sister;do you really hate her that much or you are just acting
Tina: why do you think i hate her?i do not hate her. i have learn to love her because that is just a real self and sometimes when i say those words I really do not mean anyone
Anita: if you don't really meant it?why is it that Stephie is the only one you used to talk about that way
Tina: (she laughed)one;is because she is not here and secondly;you are not going to get tense if i say those words to you;it will look fake
Tosan: you are crazy;get out of here
Tina: i know;when you are done preparing food;just give ma a call
Anita: madam on top. wait for your house girl to finish preparing food and call you
Tina: are you two big for my house girl
Anita: i don't blame you
Tina: come on prepare that food before i dismissed you
Anita: you crazy



Stephanie: hi everyone
Desmond: hi
Tina: welcome
Tosan: what are you doing here?
Stephanie: nothing;i was suppose to meet a friend of my at the junction but she just called to tell me that something came up,so i decided to come here
Tosan: alright
Stephanie: Alfred why are you moody?
Alfred: nothing oh!am just stress up
Stephanie: alright then;i have to start going
Tina: so fast?are you not going to wait for Tunde?
Stephanie: what for
Tina: i thought he is your friend
Stephanie: yes; he is my friend
Tina: then wait for him
Ann: listen to her at least you will used the opportunity to see the rest of the boys
Desmond: she is right. they will soon be here
Stephanie: I really don't have to;you all can always sent my regard(she stand to leave)
Alfred: if you say so
Stephanie: yes;i said so(exit Alfred)
Desmond: take care
Tina: do you think she is avoiding anyone
Tosan: no;she just want to go home. you know she just said she wasn't really coming Here
Tina: i know
Tunde: hey young lady;where are you going to
Stephanie: to my house of cause
Tunde: no way;why would you be leaving without seeing me
Ayo: why won't she?are you the governor of central bank
Anita: asked him
Tunde: so you don't know
Ayo: know what?
Tosin: you guys should just leave the way before i lost conscience
Tunde: i know you like food
Tosin: thank you very much
Tunde: come on please lets go inside
Stephanie: alright

Tosan: young man why are you frowning?
Tosin: am just feeling headache
Tosan: alright;was it Tunde that dragged you back
Stephanie: yes
Tosin: please excuse and Tosan please come with me
Tosan: alright then;later all
Ann: where is Alfred now?
Desmond: he is in his room
Ann: i will just go to him
Ayo: i and Anita will just go upstair
Desmond: did anything happen on your way back
Tunde: nothing;Stephanie what will you drink?
Stephanie: nothing
Tina: baby lets go to your room;i have something to tell you
Tunde: why don't you wait?later when she has left we can both discuss
Tina: i want it now. if you don't want to yo can as well leave and i will just go to my house
Tunde: but i was the one who dragged her back. it will be unfair....
Stephanie: is fine by me;you can go with her
Tunde: but
Stephanie: don't worry;go with her
Tunde: thanks

Desmond: it seems today is a bad day
Stephanie: for everyone
Desmond: definitely not for me
Stephanie: i know you are always happy
Desmond: lets not waste our tine worrying over nothing
Stephanie: what do you mean?
Desmond: let me treat you
Stephanie: what
Desmond: don't worry;is my treat




SEE MORE..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Until 1896, India was the only source for diamonds to the worldRelated

As Akpos lost his cheque booklet, He decided
to go to the bank after 2 days to report. Here
is
the conversation between him
and the bank manager.
Bank manager : But I
warned you to be careful with
your cheque book because anyone can forge
your signature.
Akpos: I am not a fool, I have already signed all
the
cheques, so they won't have space to forge
my signature!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-01 15:58:04

1218 Views




BABES JOKE BY DINDY
Babes be like; "i am a bi**h with attitude,style and class"....
.
.
.
.
Dindy be like: babe that's all bull shit a bi**h is a bi**h, but well thank God you know you are an open market to hungry dogs out there....mtcheeew......oloshi#....lol(tongue out)
#DINDY WROTE THIS =>facebookusername: Ossy Andy Nnamdi




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-06 08:45:29

297 Views



awoof [Read it]



I saw a Notification from MTN that
reads....."your account is too low n you have
#87 remaining, if you need more airtime
kindly DIAL
*322*214*AMOUNT # ", which I hastily
dialled without wasting time. 1st I dialled
*322*214*1000# and I got credited with
#1000 airtime and I was happy, I said to
myself that MTN IS IN TROUBLE.
l continued dialling until I got credited with
#40,000, I was in jubilation and I wanted to do
more when I received MESSAGES that SHOCKED
me from MTN....
It said... "You have successfully Purchased
your
AIRTIME through your GTB (BANK)
ACCOUNT".
Shortly after alert msgs came in,
which was text msgs from my GTB (BANK)
that the total sum of #40,000 has been
debited from my
ACCOUNT !!!
Yeee!! Mogbe O!!!
Since morning My body system has not
been the same.
Now I agree that true true AWOOF THEY
PURGE BELLE,
I Dey purge now since morning
oooo....
Ema gbami ke!!!!!!!
Pls wetin I wan use 40k airtime do


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 15:15:03

1181 Views



No prayer [Read it]


"Johnny please pray for us"
"No Mum"
Why?
Because Jesus Ended the prayer on the cross yesterday!

Happy Easter to our dear christian fans


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-26 08:08:42

809 Views




“please i just got an emergency call. I’ll be back” i
nervously explained to Mary’s sister, turned and ran out
without bothering to wait for her reply.
I didn’t know what to think as i roughly drove to the hospital almost colliding with other cars in the process.
“God please don’t let something bad happen to her. I
can’t afford losing anyone again. I just buried my best
friend days ago” i cried passionately.
I got to the hospital twelve minutes later, and was
directed to the emergency room where i found my sweetheart lying calmly with eyes open. I breathed
deeply and rushed to her side, kneeling beside the bed.
“oh precious, what happened?” i asked nervously. She
weakly smiled and grabbed my left hand.
“i’m ok my love. It was just a minor accident. I went to
buy recharge card across the street, suddenly from nowhere, a car ran into the shop almost killing the shop
owner and i. But we were lucky to escape with just
brusies. Though i fainted due to the impact of the
accident and was brought here. The nurses Revived me,
after which i begged one of them to call you” she
explained weakly while i heaved a sigh of relief. “thank you God” i breathed.
“the bills has been paid by the useless driver. He was
lucky to escape the accident without a scratch. So how
did it go with Mary?” she asked curiously,
“i never got to meet her because i recieved the
information about the accident as soon as i got to her apartment and so had to run back” i replied.
“seriously i’m a bit frightened. It’s not as if i’m
superstitious but this accident got me worried.
Remember how she warned me weeks back, using Jboy
as an example. Do you think this accident could be
related or linked to her in a way?” she asked curiously. I gasped inside, but covered my fear with a reassuring
smile.
“don’t let such idea get into your head. It was just an
ordinary accident that happens everywhere” i
murmured reassuringly. But deep down her question
embedded in my mind. Could it be that Mary has a mysterious power or force
protecting her interest?” i wondered.
If it is real then i might also in danger. I could be the
next. I have to be careful, very careful” i concluded and
kissed Chioma’s forehead….
DO YOU THINK MARY HAS A HAND IN THE ACCIDENTS?

>>

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.

~ Albert CamusRelated

Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

A bank [Read it]


I want a bank who will do this 2 me. (1).give me a loan. (2).and live me alone


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-04 17:35:58

487 Views




Girl: “Mera Kal Fast Tha”…



2nd Girl: “Lucky Girl”, Mera Wala To Hamesha hi slow Rehta Hai…”



O teri yeh to Non Veg hogayaRelated

Nancy: i see everything is working out fine
Peace: is just one thing left
Vina: which is?
Nancy: her getting married
Stephanie: big sister;i don't intent yo get marry now. i need time to look for my perfect match
Monalisa: don't waste time before telling me;you want you get marry
Stephanie: mom;i am just twenty two that shouldn't be what i am thinking of. i am still too young to get married
Monalisa: don't say that;i was that age when i got married
Stephanie: that was then not now
Nancy: your mm is right
Stephanie: i have heard when i find someone who swept me off my feet;i might consider him
Monalisa: no problem;i just want yo carry my grandkids
Stephanie: oh mother!can i have a little peace of mind. i am just so tired of this issue of marriage
Monalisa:alright
Stephanie: Vina;come on. lets go to my room
Nancy: naught girl

Vina: you really have turn into a very attractive woman
Stephanie: why did you say that?
Vina: don't you look at the mirror?
Stephanie: i do(she unpack her things)
Vina: i know you have a lot of suitor now
Stephanie: no;i don't
Vina: are you scared of having one?
Stephanie: what if mom doesn't like him?what if he is not man enough to fight for our love?(Vina pick up her necklace)
Vina: here is your chain you left it in my house
Stephanie: you would had easily throw it away don't need it anymore
Vina: are you still mad at him?
Stephanie: why should i?he is nothing to me
Vina: what if he still love you?
Stephanie: Vina;drop it. you don't expect me to still be in love with a boy i fall in love with i am still a minor?
Vina: it doesn't matter when you fall in love with a person what matter is that it is from your heart. you can't tell your heart not to stop loving
Stephanie: but you van teach your heart not to. Vina; i have move on with my life and i know he has done same
Vina: look me in the eyes and tell me;you have no feelings for him again?
Stephanie: i do not. excuse me
Vina: alright fine


Rose: my two daughters are now married and I even have a grandson. isn't it crazy?

Jackson: of cause;i was thinking the day this my little things will tie the knot and everything just happen so fast
Faith: that is life for you sir
Rose: remain my handsome son
Desmond: mom;i know where you are driving to
Rose: son;when will you get married?
Desmond: mom stop
Mercy: but brother;that is true. when will you introduce her to us?
Desmond: i haven't find the right ome;when i do i will introduce her to you all
Beauty: the right one or you don't want t tell us is Beauty?
Desmond: what? you are crazy. i and Beauty are just friends. she have someone in her life
Beauty: Blessing; we are just friends. your brother doesn't love me
Mercy: come on ho ahead;don't be shy
Beauty: of cause;that is the truth
Rose: alright but please do it for fast. i want to carry my grand children from you
Desmond: mother please;i am too young to get married
Jackson: you are twenty four and you are saying you are too young t get married. when did i get married to your mom?at twenty two
Desmond: that is what you wanted
Jackson: is not what i wanted. its what is right;once you get married on time;you wont commit any sin against our holy bible
Desmond: is alright;i will but not yet
Mercy: be fast about it
Desmond: i have heard madam. Beauty;shall we go?
Beauty: of cause

Blessing: hmm...later they will say we are just friends
Desmond: (laugh all)mind your business. go to your husband's house and stop stirring up for others
Blessing: i will

Felix: when did you return?
Stephanie: it should be a week
Felix: really?you look far different and beautiful now
Stephanie: thank you;who told you am back?
Felix: your mom
Stephanie: my mom is one crazy woman. i know she want me to date you
Felix: i know that is what my mom want also

Desmond: two love birds
Anita: see who is talking you master of love
Desmond: naught you;how come i didn't notice that you two are in love wit each other and you were just fooling Ann and Ayo
Alfred: you are mad. joke outside when will you get married
Desmond: when love happen
Alfred: will you stop joking around?
Desmond: i am not joking
Anita: Beauty;will you not tell him to put a rung on that finger of yours?
Desmond: naught you
Alfred: or are you still waiting for Stephanie?
Desmond: Alfred;you are mad. wouldn't someone be in love with a person before waiting for her

Alfred: be truthful to yourself if you see her will you not hug her
Desmond: why will I do that?she is not my girlfriend and i am sure that she will no longer be beautiful
Anita: if you say so


Stephanie: don't mind both of them. hey look at my friend Anita(she look up)
Anita: Stephanie;long time(they hug)you abandon me
Stephanie: why would i do that?i missed you big time(they hug)i cant believe this is you and you are even wearing a ring. where is your husband?let me have your number(they exchange number)
Alfred: hey;so is just yours friend you missed?did you not see me
Stephanie: pardon me;how is life and where is Ann?
Alfred: is a long story and i am now married to Anita
Stephanie: whoa!you two are bad. Beauty how are you?
Beauty: i am fine;long time and how are you?
Stephanie: i am okay;i just decided to start a new life
Anita: of cause;you need it. you are beautiful
Stephanie: thank you;i have to go. see you
Anita: didn't you see Desmond?
Stephanie: i did;hi
Desmond: how are you?
Stephanie: i am prefect. excuse me(he held her hand)will you let go of me?(enter Felix)sorry i kept you waiting
Desmond: is he your boyfriend now?
Felix: of cause;do you have a problem with that?
Desmond: not at all

Felix: excuse me
Stephanie: bye Anita;i will call you now that i have your number
Anita: no problem (exit both)whoa!she have really change
Beauty: big time

Alfred: that is what you get when you sent your kids outside Nigeria. Desmond knows better,he was once there. right Desmond?
Anita: are you alright
Desmond: i am fine;what did you say

Alfred: nothing you;your mind is not here
Desmond: who say so?
Beauty: is okay;i want to go home
Desmond: shall we?
Alfred: bye
Blessing: welcome brother
Desmond: thank you
Blessing:what is wrong with him?
Beauty: i dont know
Blessing: alright;i will talk to him(she tap his room door)brother
Desmond: what?
Blessing: can i come in?
Desmond: if you want to the door is not lock
Blessing: thank you;what is eating you up?
Desmond: nothing
Blessing: are you sure?
Desmond: did she tell she is back?
Blessing: who?
Desmond: Stephie
Blessing: yes she did but why did you asked?
Desmond: why didn't you tell me?
BLESSING: i was thinking it wasn't necessary since yo have move on with life and anytime i talk about you to her;she will just change topic but i thought you don't love her anymore
Desmond: that is not the issue. why didn't you tell me?
Blessing: nothing;did you see her
Desmond: just go. leave me alone
Blessing: i am sorry
Desmond: i said leave
Blessing: alright fine

Stephanie: young man;are yo stocking me?
Desmond: why should i?
Stephanie: i wont know unless you tell me
Desmond: i have no reason of stocking you
Stephanie: better
Desmond: Stephanie
Stephanie: what?





NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos’ wife came home early and found him
in their bedroom making love to a very
attractive young woman.
And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a
disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you
do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of
your children! I’m leaving you. I want a
divorce right away!’
Akpos replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love so
at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine,
go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the
last words you’ll say to me!’
Akpos began — ‘Well, I was getting into the
car to drive home, and this young lady here
asked me for a lift. She looked so down and
out and defenseless that I took pity on her
and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well
dressed and very dirty. She told me she
hadn’t eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home
and warmed up the meat pie I made for you
last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because
you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor
thing devoured them in moments.
“Since she needed a good clean-up, I
suggested a shower, and while she was
doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty
and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then,
as she needed clothes, I gave her the
designer jeans that you’ve had for a few
years, but don’t wear because you say
they’re too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your
anniversary present, which you don’t wear
because I don’t have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you
for Christmas that you don’t wear just to
annoy her, and I also donated those boots
you bought at the expensive boutique and
don’t wear because someone at work has a
pair the same.’


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-01 21:59:20

510 Views




THE MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

EPISODE 5

“What do i do now?” I sobbed uncontrollably, “nothing my dear, absolutely nothing” Mama Theresah calmly replied and held me.

“Where do I lay my head tonight? Where do I go from here?” I asked unhappily,
“my dear, do trust in God He alone has control over our destiny, don’t give up” she calmly advised. But I really was very heart broken and scared, because I knew I was lost in an unfriendly world where my own family rejected me.

“My husband really won’t tolerate you staying with us, but I hope you can manage my store {storage room}, it’s very spacious and there is an old mattress in it” she said to me as I sobbed.

I instantly looked at her hopefully, i never expected her to help me further, thus my delight and happiness as little hope fell on me.

“You can stay there till you get a better accomodation, you can also come work for me in my restaurant and make small money for yourself, at least with it you can make better plans for your future. I just wish I’m a rich woman, I would have helped you more” she murmured.

“Oh don’t bother Mama Theresah” you have done more than enough for me, something my own mum couldn’t do” I answered gratefully.

______

That was how I found myself under Mama Theresah’s care. I slept in her store at night and worked in her restaurant during the day. I worked tirelessly as I tried to discard my sorrows and earn something decent for myself.

Reginald never for a day lifted a finger to help me nor ask of his daughter’s welfare, even though we do see each other everyday, Instead he continued making me jealous by bringing different girls to his room. His actions pained me alot but i pretended as if I didn’t care. I held my pride, suffered silently and never begged.

Three months I suffered and toiled under Mama Theresah’s care, until September when a good looking middle aged woman who patronized her restaurant came into my life, offering to help me raise my child.

Her sweet tongue and behaviour really convinced me of her good intentions that without second thoughts, I accepted her help against Mama Theresah’s reservations.

A week later I moved into the woman’s house without giving it a second thought.
Little did I know that misfortune awaited me.


What happens next?
CATCH EPISODE 6


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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YOU'RE SO KIND [Read it]


A guy took a vacation to Lagos. While
there, he met up with a prostitute. After
sex, the prostitute said, "N5,000." The guy handed her N10,000. The prostitute, surprised, responded,
"You're so kind." Some days pass and the guy met up
with the same prostitute again and had
sex again. The prostitute demanded
N5,000, but the guy again says, "No,
here's N10,000." The prostitute, feeling really happy,
says, "You're so kind." More days pass and the guy met up with
the prostitute one last time to have sex.
The prostitute says, "N5,000, please." The guy hands her N10,000. The prostitute, really surprised about
the guy's gesture towards her , asks,
"Where are you from?" The guy answers, "I'm from Calabar." Looking surprised, the prostitute says,
"I'm from there too!" The guy replies, "I know, your mum
sent me to give you N30,000."
#BOLLY_SMART™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-08 20:31:26

338 Views




Positive attitude

DOCTOR to 86 Years Old Man:
.
Dekhiye, Iss umar me jawan Ladki se Sex karna Maut ka karan ban sakta hai.

OLD MAN: I don’t care Bhenchod..
??? ???? ?? ?? ???……….!Related

Hahahahaha!! I just can't stop laughing. This
is the awkward Truth About some husbands.
A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men were
asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All
the men raised their hands. Then they were
asked, "When was the last time you told your
wife you love her ?" Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to take
their cell phones and send the following text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart...
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife's reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is
actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-12 21:30:16

646 Views



Bad argument [Read it]


A husband and his wife were arguing on who is more scared between the both of them.

After a long argument, they decided to ask their two kids.

The first Kid, Junior, says, "Dad is more scared. Anytime he sees a beautiful lady in town, he closes one of his eye."

The wife realizing d meaning, was very furious at her husband.

After arguing for a little bit, they asked their second kid, Faith.

And she says, "Daddy is not scared of anything, but mummy is always scared so much, she can be alone. When dad works night shift, mummy sleeps with the man next door. Sometimes she invites the Gardener or Uncle Kingsley to sleep with Her. Even Uncle Mayowa the Youth Corper, after leaving the room escorts her to the bathroom and bath with her just because she's scared."

THE HUSBAND FAINTED!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-02 09:15:25

244 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

Ann: Anita;i trusted you and i always feel you will never do anything to hurt me
Anita: where is that coming from?we haven't been friends like ages and you know what i am capable of doing
Ann: i don't know what you are capable of doing
Tosan: will you two stop. what are you fighting over
Ann: tell her to stay away from Alfred(Tina laughed)what is amusing you?
Tina: isn't it funny?when things haven't happen to you and it is happening to someone else;you term to say;you are over reacting;you are over protective;you are stupid and insensitive but now that the table has turned what will you call yourself?i bet i know;you are the most selfish person i have ever seen
Tosan: will you shut up;if you have nothing important to say
Tina: as usual;i don't have anything important to say
Tosan: can't you be sensitive for once?
Tina: i know i am insane still with your sane friends

Tosan: both of you should settle your problem amicably
Ann: there is nothing to settle,just tell her to stay away from Alfred
Ayo: Anita;i want to see you
Ann: oh thank God!you are here;tell your flirt of a girl to stay away from Alfred
Ayo: i don't understand
Anita: Ann;did you just called me a flirt?
Ann: are you better off than that?
Tosan: will you keep quiet and tell us;who is it that told you those rubbish
Ann: told me?
Ayo: yes
Ann: you are funny;i saw it with my very own eyes. she was busy laughing and hugging him
Anita: so the fact that i am hugging Alfred;means i have something to do with him?
Ayo: what other evidence does she need
Anita: i don't want to get angry with you,just leave this place
Ayo: i am leaving already there is no need asking me to. you are the worse mistake of my life
Anita: isn't this what you wanted?anyways it has happen,so stay away from me
Ann: rubbish

Alfred: young man;where have you been?
Ayo: don't you dare asked me that stupid question
Alfred: have you been drinking?
Ayo: do i look like a drunk?
Tosin: what is eating you up?
Ayo: those stupid words you said and now they are coming to pass
Tosin: i still don't understand you
Ayo: understand me or leave me;just as i have let go of Anita for you to continue hugging and flirting with her
Alfred: are you crazy?
Ayo: no;I just want to correct my stupidity and my friendliness is getting out of hand. rubbish

Tosin: what is going on?
Alfred: don't mind that clown. excuse me
Tosan: baby how are you?
Tosin: i am fine;i don't want to be sad
Tosan: life as given us a handful of trouble,first it was Tina telling Stephanie to stay away from Tunde and now it is Ann and Anita
Tosin: why is Ann acting like a baby?
Tosan: if it were you;won't you be mad that your fiance is hugging someone else?
Tosin: why should i?when the person in question he is hugging is also my friend
Tosan: what?is that what you are saying?
Tosin: so if i was the one that hugged her;you are still going to make it an issue?
Tosan: why should you hug her?
Tosin: you have a dirty mind. excuse me
Tosan: where are you going to?can't you see that i am not done
Tosin: then have the conversation yourself
Tosan: fine

Rose: long time
Monalisa: i am fine;how are thing with you?
Rose: is alright;i am trying to be strong for my family
Monalisa: you have to and ever since that incident i haven't really been myself although I am scared i still have to be strong for my daughter;i wish i could turn back the hand of time;so that i could protect her more
Rose: is okay;the deed as already been done;there is nothing you can do about it
Monalisa: according to the words of her friends;those people where after my daughter not your son
Rose: i know but my son is the one that drag your daughter into this mess(enter Janet) if both of them were not friends no one would had want her dead
Janet: are you Stephanie's mother?
Monalisa: yes ma;good day ma
Janet: i am sorry for what my grandson cause you
Monalisa: is nothing;my daughter is the one that drag your kid into this. she would had just let go of your son and save him the pain,knowing he feel nothing for him and likewise your son
Janet: but that is not true
Monalisa: i don't understand
Janet: my so. has fallen in love with your daughter a long time again before this incident
Rose: mother stop
Janet: yes;my son is in love with your daughter
Monalisa: i still don't get it
Janet: it is simple my son love your daughter but he couldn't tell her because your daughter is in love with his cousin
Monalisa: what?
Rose: is it wrong for my son to be in love with your daughter?
Monalisa: that is not what i meant,you and i know that you don't like my daughter just as a friend for your son talk more of having a relationship
Rose: i know i am not a perfect mother but if it were you;you will do same
Monalisa: i will not
Rose: even when you know it will endanger your son's life
Janet: is alright you two
Monalisa: we are sorry ma
Janet: is alright;the dinning is set;shall we
Janet: come on;Monalisa you are part of our family now;even if we disagree. there is nothing we can do about it
Monalisa: naught you

Time: young lady;are you not going inside?
Stephanie: no;i will wait for my brother
Time: don't worry about him;he will definitely come,the weather is very cool
Stephanie: dont worry about me
Time: alright(enter Desmond)oh!here comes,in go inside
Stephanie: alright
Desmond: what are you doing outside?
Stephanie: welcome;i am waiting for you;i was scared when Christian came with you(she try to hug him)
Desmond: stop it;am dirty
Stephanie: will you stop been naught(she hug him)why did you not come with Christian?
Desmond: i have an extra work that i have to complete(they sat down)you are cool
Stephanie: don't worry about me;are you alright,you are over stressing yourself
Desmond: i need to do this so we can get sufficient money to get out of here
Stephanie: even at that you don't have to stress to death for us to get out of here
Desmond: Stephie;i am fine
Stephanie: let me get you;your food(she stand to leave but he drag her back and she fall on him)what is it?(he presses his face into hers)what do you want?
Desmond: you
Stephanie: i don't understand(enter Naomi)what is it?(he pull his hand into her hair and try to kiss her and when he was just a little distance to her lips Naomi screamed)
Naomi: what are you two doing there?(he withdraw from her)
Desmond: nothing ma
Naomi: then go inside it is too late to stay out
Desmond: alright ma(he wipe his face)come on;lets go inside
Naomi: what is wrong with this children?
Time: (to herself)could it be that those two are having an affair?that is not my business

Faith: don't you want to live your life again?
Beauty: what life?there is no life to live
Faith: i don't seems to understand you
Beauty: you don't understand me?how can everyone seems t be so comfortable without Desmond?
Faith: is it because of Desmond;you are acting strange?the boy in question is not even related to you
Beauty: mother;you are bad;i can't believe that after all he had done for you and i;have you forgotten that so soon?he care for us and treat us like we were family
Faith: i haven't forgotten that;i lobe him like my son but there is nothing we can do for now than to pray for him to be protected by God
Beauty: but mother...
Faith: no but;just get your life back
Beauty: alright mother;i will
Faith: thank you

Alfred: Ann;are you avoiding me?
Ann: why wouldn't i?when you are flirting with Anita
Alfred: you are crazy;you always say that Georgina is overreacting but now;see you now,what are you doing?you are worse than her. i thought you were reasonable but you are worse
Ann: even me;i thought you were different from Desmond but you two are the same
Alfred: don't you ever in your entire miserable life insult my friend. even if you have to insult me keep him out of it
Ann: you think i don't know that both of you are homosexuals
Alfred: what did you just say?
Ann: you heard me right. excuse me
Alfred: i don't ever want to see you again
Ann: don't even bother;i don't want y date you again
Alfred: then so be it

Vina: how was your visit?
Monalisa: it was fine
Peace: did they have any news?
Monalisa: no
Nancy: i just hope she will come back;so i can make it up to her
Peace: i wish so too
Monalisa: if you find out thatesmond and my daughter is dating will you get mad at her?
Peace: what?
Vina: but big sister;Stephanie told me that she feel nothing for Desmond;so does he
Nancy: but where did that come from
Monalisa: his grandma said that is grandson is already in love with my daughter before they were kidnapped
Peace: what?and she didn't yell us that both of them were dating
Nancy: what a stupid child?
Monalisa: will you keep quiet and stop being a drama queen;he didn't tell her that he is in love with her because his cousin is also in love with her
Vina: but now that they are both in that unknown place,if they are still alive
Monalisa: they are still alive
Vina: what if they start dating?
Monalisa: that is one thing i don't want
Vina: don't you like Desmond for her?
Monalisa: my daughter is too young to get involve in a relationship;she is just seventeen
Vina: don't tell me;you are also going to be mad at her too
Monalisa: i am not;i just do not want my little baby to get hurt
Vina: but he is a nice person
Monalisa: what about his mother?
Vina: but you said she has change
Monalisa: i know but i will never accept him
Peace: is okay;lets think of getting her back
Nancy: we really need to
Vina: of cause









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WHO IS MAD? [Read it]


A well dressed man was walking home one afternoon when he got spit on his face by an ill dressed man and for the next 20 minutes they were exchanging spit(saliva). Abeg who mad pass among the two men?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-25 12:28:06

705 Views




HAHAHAHAHA this is serious o













NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-10 08:21:34

794 Views




Women aren’t that bad, but wives…!Related

One week later, Chidube’s ex-wife – Ellen – returned unannounced to Nigeria, and moved straight into Chidube’s Maitama home, I simply stayed away. I’d heard rumours about discord and quarrel in Chidube’s house after the return and paid them no attention.

Then, after a couple of days, Ellen left again, suddenly and without warning she was gone, and Chidube was free again. . . free to assist me when I was involved in a serious car accident. As I was taken to the hospital, Chidube took my kids and cared for them.

Then, after work, he’d visit me at the hospital. To cover those times when Chidube couldn’t help, Wuse II community provided people and assistance. I was never alone in my hospital room as the community women arranged visiting schedules.

Two weeks later, I was home and some women of the community came to my home and prepared my family meals. But Chidube seemed to keep everything in good order.

It was as two of the community’s more affable women sat at my bedside talking. They covered a wide range of topics before settling on my life. I quickly admitted that I was lonesome and the women offered suggestions. The bolder of the two women was the first to suggest that I marry Chidube. Chidube was a good man and an excellent provider. He was available, except of course, he carried a ‘thing’ about women.

Then, the second woman agreed and I listened to their logic. They pointed out that good men were hard to find and I should grab Chidube – love could come later!

As I thought about the argument, I considered the alternative – I’d still be alone and lonesome. I might eventually become desperate and make a serious mistake again. Then, I thought of Chidube. He was my best friend and good company. Maybe, if I married him, love could come later

>> Episode 9 -

8:25 AM
It is Saturday; I have just finished my weekly jogging exercise and feeling tired and
sweaty. All I relish for is to spend several hours having a cold bubble bath. I remove the
ear plugs from my ear lobes and as I am about to step into the bathroom, my phone
buzz. I grab and answer “Hello Merissa, my friends are organizing a get together today at the
Tema Yacht Club and I would be honored if you would be my date to grace this
occasion”
“Today? This is so sudden”
“I know and apologies for that. Apparently, it dawned on me just now that I have no
date to take to the party. Will you honour my invite?” “OK, I’ll show up. Just text me the time and dress code and I will be there. OK, bye”
Then I hang up.
I saunter into the adjoining room to have my bath. While sink in my thoughts as the cold
water fiddles and diddles on my ample body, a tasty aroma smell strikes me.
Apparently, Askaline has harboured herself in the kitchen cooking. After few minutes,
done with my shower, I step out from the room. I see fried eggs garnished with sausages with toasted bread and orange juice on the table. The only words that come
from my mouth are “Wow! This is great.” The led on my BB blinks red so I lean on the bed to grab it to see what notification it has.
I get a message from Brian stating the time and dress code. I toss the phone back on the
bed and gaze critically at the food that seems to whet my appetite.
“Where is Shantel? You will be cooking food like this and you won’t invite your friend to
come have a bite? I tease.
“Shantel has traveled” Askaline replies. “Travel to where?” My eyebrows rising
“She traveled to Lagos for a modeling job, her friend called her and it was urgent that’s
why she couldn’t tell you”
“Then I suppose you know when she would be coming back. I really hope it will be
soon”
“It all up to her” Askaline coos. I chip in our conversation that Brian has invited me to a party at Tema yacht club.
Askaline words are ‘be careful’ then I ask her if she would love to join me but she
decline. 10:00 AM
I want to look my best for the yacht party for two reasons; this would be our second date
and two, he would be having his friends at the party. My plan is simple, to leave an
impression that would make his friends drool at the mere sight of Merissa Mensah. I visit
the salon immediately and did manicure and pedicure as I want my twenty nails to look
absolutely clean. My hair is washed and mascara lined on my eye-lash. 1:00 PM
I wear a white chiffon sarong with tight short pants with flip-flops. I also have a white
wild brim hat for the weather and my Mac Jacobs sunshade to protect my eyes. I know by
now you can discern the dress code is ‘white’
1:45 PM
I drive to the Tema Yacht club as I speed through the highway scarcely ignoring traffic rules as the time for the showdown is due for 2pm. I park my car in front of the Club as
the Valet Attendant welcome me and usher me to the Reception, then he takes my car
keys to properly have it parked.
Brian waits for me at the reception as he put his arms around my waist and gives me a
kiss on my cheeks. He holds me by my waist to signify territory as we amble to the
Yacht slowly. Wry smiles clouds Brian cheeks as we walk on the stairs unto the Yacht. His friends only hail from afar and applaud Brian for getting a nice catch as if I am a fish.
I am in shock when I noticed the Yacht moving from it shore but I take consolation from
the fact that other ladies like me are also on the boat. My eyes scan around and all I see
are rich men flaunting their pot bellies; you can judge with the cigars they puffed.
2:45 PM
Rosé, Moet & Chandon already popped as the drinks well served in glasses. Music and merry-making splashes the air as smiles are the only thing that rest on everyone’s face.
After a while, I feel something isn’t right. My legs become weak as it isn’t able to carry my
ample light body. My weak legs lead me to lean to the ground but Brian is there at my
rescue to hold me. In a twinkle flash, I am helpless. I did not know what in the world to
do. I am quaking from head to foot and can have my hat hang on my eyes; they stick out
so far from its socket. Brian asks “What is wrong with you? Are you okay? How do you feel?” but I give no
response as I feel numb and dead.


>>

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.


She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”


The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.


Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.


She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.


Bob has been missing since Friday.Related

13 continues ......
This one wey she just want make I come. I don’t just know, and she was saying it involves huge amount of money.
The next day, I dressed up and told my guys that I was going to Abeokuta but would return before the end of the day. I travelled to Abeokuta. When I got to Abeokuta, I went straight to Nuella’s place. None of the girls (Nuella, Bola and Adaobi) were around. “I guessed they had all gone to school.” I called Nuella and she said she was on her way home. So I waited. Barely 15 minutes, she had arrived. Na so she give me one kind hug and kiss for outside compound, that passersby were just gazing at us. Me sef, as he gave me the kiss, it looked as if I experienced an electric shock that ran through all my body systems, even down to my manhood. I really enjoyed the kiss but na the good news me wan hear. We went inside the house and to her room. Na so I come dey ask wetin be the good news wey she wan give me as we entered inside the house. “Relax nah, take it easy. I will tell you,” she said to me. She was just smiling sheepishly. Me sef dey surprise. She stood up from the bed were she layed. She was about removing her clothes when I grabbed her from behind and softly threw her to the bed. Na so play start oo. We were laughing and joking. I held her softly to the bed. I told her I wasn’t going to leave her until she tells me the good news. She was just laughing and insisted she wasn’t going to tell me until I release her. me sef talk say I no go free her. Na so call come enter my phone. I no come know wetin to do. I had to free her to pick the call. Immediately I let her loose and picked the call, she climbed untop of me and was playing with my hair. It was my mom that was calling. She asked me to come to Ilorin if possible that weekend. I asked if there was any problem, she said I should just come first. Na so fear begin catch me after the call. I began wondering why everyone was keeping me in suspense. Nuella no wan tell me her good news, my mama say make I come. She no tell me why! Nuella saw the reaction on my face, she asked me what was going on. I told her that my mom asked me to come that it was urgent. She asked if she didn’t tell me the reasons. I tell her say she no tell me ooo. I was felt something was wrong. I told Nuella that I would be going back to Ibadan that day. She started pressing me to stay back and go the next day. I no gree oo. Na so she playfully hold my neck. We come begin playfully struggle. One thing led to another. Na so we enter sexual mood. We had sex that period. After it I slept off.
When I woke up, it was around 5pm in the evening. Nuella was not inside the room. Na so I wear my clothes and came out. I met Nuella washing her clothes outside. I asked if Bola and Adaobi were back from school. She said they were still in school. I told her I was leaving for Ibadan that moment. “Oooohhhh why nah! Still stay nah,” Nuella said. I told her since she doesn’t want to tell me the good news she has, and I came all the way from Ibadan to see her and she was just playing pranks on me. I felt she was just missing me and wants to see me, that was why she used the good news term to lure me back to Abeokuta. She said it wasn’t that that she indeed has a good news for me. And she could only tell me in the night. “Na there I no say Nuella just dey use me do Yeye.” I went back to her room and wore my shoes, dressed up properly and came outside, telling her I was leaving so she could see me off. She refused, insisting I stay behind but I refused as I moved out of her presence. She tried calling me but I no wan even hear. I don already stand for Camp road waiting for car wey dey go Ibadan. She called my line but I didn’t pick. She kept on calling. I was about to switch off my phone when I saw an envelop sign, signifying text message on my phone. I checked and it was from Nuella saying. “ Sorry Dear. The surprise I have for you is that am pregnant.” After reading the text, I began finding it difficult to decode what she meant. She was pregnant! “Shey she don marry nih or.” But she said her boyfriend had broken up with her. As I was thinking, something in my mind said, “if she get belle, wetin come concern you,” the thought said. And it was right. “Wetin concern me with her belle or she want make I help her carry the baby?” As I was wondering through the thoughts, another part of me said, “shebi you dey sleep with her.” Hmmm, and indeed I was sleeping with her. “Chaii, make e no be say na me get the pikin ooo,” I thought to myself. “Or maybe Nuella was just playing prank on me,” I thought to myself. As I was thinking, Nuella’s call came in again and I was already inside the car and we were entering Odeda village heading towards Ibadan. I picked the call. Nuella was sounding bitter and was crying on the phone. She said she was sorry for not seeing me off and prolonging the good news. I asked if what she wanted to tell me was what she sent through text and she responded “yes.” I asked who was responsible. “Of course you nah! Was I sleeping with any other person!” she responded. As the girl just say na me, I no know whether na another prank or lie. My head was just boiling like boiling ring. It looked as if a large hammer was used in hitting my head. I no just know wetin I want talk. How come she was pregnant. I was just wondering when she said “are you still there.” I asked how she got to know and she said the time she wasn’t feeling too well, that she told me she was having stomach upset. “And I remembered it was true. I told her to go for a checkup.” I couldn’t understand what was really going on as we talked on phone. I told her I would call her back and cut the call. I had to tell the driver to stop the car which he did and I gave him money. Na so I enter another car from Odeda go back to Abeokuta. As I got to camp, something in me said, “what of if she just faked this pregnancy just to make you stay in Abeokuta?” And it may be true. As I reach her house, enter Nuella room. Adaobi and Bola was already back and was inside the room. As they saw me, we greeted and they saw and felt my countenance. They left the room. Nuella’s eyes were already red as she brought out an envelope and gave to me. I asked her why she was crying, she said because she thought I was angry that she was pregnant for me. I opened the envelop and it a medical report. She was indeed pregnant, 9 weeks gone. Something in me was like, “are you sure this girl is not faking this report.” Na so I begin think oohh. She fit dey fake the pregnancy report.
I turned to her with straight face. I told her that I don’t believe she was pregnant for me and I was not going to accept any responsibilities. And infact, she was even joking sef. As I turned back to leave, come see tears, crying ooo. Nuella knelt down and swearing she was pregnant. She held my hands. Na so I flip her hands away come leave the room and went back to my house in gate to spend the night. I wasn’t happy at all. I was yet to agree to the terms that Nuella was pregnant for me. infact I no even believe am. Nuella was calling and sending text messages but I was picking nor responding. She sent me couple of messages on facebook. I slept off that night, bitter and devastated. My guys called me and I told them what was happening. Uchenna said Nuella might be telling the truth that she was pregnant for me. na so dem begin encourage me ooo. They said how I talked to her was not that good. That I should have a heart to heart talk, even if I wanted abortion. I sleft off and went back to Ibadan the next early morning. I was still yet to contact Nuella. She had being trying to contact me but I wasn’t picking her call. I was so restless as I got to Ibadan to meet my guys.
In the evening, my mom called. She added salt to my injury, giving me a sad news. She said our house keepers and tenants had started complaining that the strange voices and sounds had returned. Na so fear come catch me again. Na so I bath, my guys were already aware of what was happening. Uchenna and I entered Abisoko’s car that evening and headed for Illorin. We got to my house at about 9pm. My mom was so devastated. The house keepers had been moved out of the house. My mom asked them to stay in one of her friends place for the main time. Unlike the first incident that she sent them packing, accusing them of witchcraft. My mom was really bitter and sad that night. She was just shouting that her enemies will not succeed. The worst part of it was that its others that are hearing the strange voices and sounds. My mama no dey hear am. I went to see if the tenants were still around. Virtually all of them had packed out. I met the bachelor I saw the last time. He was leaving the house. He said the sounds normally occurs in the night and sometimes resulting to severe headaches in the morning. “hmmm, this is serious,” I thought to myself. Another worse part was that my mom said that some of the tenants fought before leaving. They were accusing each other of witchcraft based on what my mom told them earlier, that it was one of them that enemies was pursuing from their village.
Na so Uchenna say make I relax my mind. They would sleep in the house and see what would happen. If it was really true, the next day we would find solution. We (i, Abisoko and uchenna) slept in the same room. We kept vigil till sleep took us. Not until about 2am that my guys woke me up and asked if I could hear any sound and voices. But I told them I wasn’t hearing any. No be small thing that night ooo. The strange thing about all these was that its non-family members that were hearing the strange voices and sound. Me and my mama no dey hear anything. Na so my guys dey run up and down that night. At a time they said the voices was intense. I had to call my mom into the room. I felt that would be the end of our lives. If anything would happen, make e happen. In the morning, my guys never complained of any strange headaches but only the strange voices and sounds. Uchenna said we should go to Ibadan, that there was this Baba that can help us in Apata. I began wondering, “how the Baba can help us when the one my mom did didn’t work.” Abisoko laughed at me and said, “before there would be any problem, there must have been the solution to it.” They convinced me and I agreed. I told my mom that we were going to Ibadan to see a prophet. My mom said she herself was going back to that Afa’s place that gave her holy water to sprinkle in the compound. Na so we enter Ibadan. When we arrived Ibadan, Uchenna called a friend who came to take us from Bodija to the Baba’s place in Apata.
When we got to the baba’s place, I thought the Baba would tell us to go for sacrifices or any spiritual cleansing. But his own was very simple that I began thinking he was fake. The Baba can’t speak English. He only spoke in Yoruba language, deep Oyo Yoruba that we were finding it hard to understand some of the proverbs and the things he said. But his son was interpreting to us the normal general Yoruba language we could understand. After explaining to Baba my problem, he asked us the colour we painted the house and I told him it was a white colour. He said we should repaint the house. According to how his son interpreted, he said we should paint the outside light magenta colour. “Once we do it, it would prevent evil spirits from coming near. They would just flee.” Uchenna gave Baba N20,000 and he asked us to go. Me sef com dey fear. “Just like that! Nothing again,” I said to uchenna. “Oya wetin you want again! make we kill human being,” Abisoko said to me. Because I felt everything looked too simple to me. Just to paint the house, outside light magenta colour. ‘Dat one no be problem’ I assumed to myself. We left the place back to Illorin. I even thought my guys (Uchenna and Abisoko) would stay back in Ibadan, but they didn’t. Na so dem still follow me reach Kwara state. As we entered Illorin, Adaobi called me. I had even forgotten I have some business with her friend Nuella. I was so engrossed in my family problems. When I picked Adaobi’s call, she sounded annoyed with me for not picking Nuella’s calls and replying series of text messages she had been sending me. Na so I come dey beg her make she no vex say I go call Nuella. She said Nuella had been down, crying because I had ignored her. “And this time in her life is when she needs support and encouragement mostly.” I didn’t want to start telling Adaobi what was going on in my family. After dropping the call with Adaobi, I called Nuella. Infact as the thing dey ring once na so she pick. “Ahhhh Ghadebo, you just forgot about me,” she said with a weak and teary voice. That was one thing about Nuella. Her emotions and soft display gets me weak. I first apologized to her for the way I treated her, walking out on her the day she told me she was pregnant. I used the family problem as the excuse. When I began telling her what was happening, how we (Abisoko, Uchenna and i) were just returning from Ibadan to see a powerful man of God because of the issue. Nuella felt pity for me. She no come dey vex say I no dey reply her text messages. She was only vexed that I never opened up to her until that moment. She said she would come to Ilorin to see me the next day. But I told her to stay back and after everything, I will come back and see her. After much talk, I told her I would send money to her account just to make up for what I did against her. After ending the call, I began wondering what will now happen to Funke. “What will Funke do when she eventually finds out that Nuella was pregnant for me?” “How would she take it sef?” All that were few questions ringing on my mind. And na Funke I like oooo. Nuella, I no just know wetin dey draw me to her. Couple of my friends had said that she understands my weak point. Knowing fully well that I was emotional, she (Nuella) uses that to get me.
As we were heading towards my place in Ilorin, we branched to a popular paint shop. We asked the sellers how we could get the light magenta colour. One of them said we should buy a red and cream colour paint and mix them together. Na so I buy enough one wey go dey enough for the whole buildings, both the tenants section and our own. We got home and my mom was already back from the man of God, Afa she said she went to consult but it was unfortunate, the man was not around. I told her that we had gotten a solution. I didn’t tell her it was a Babalawo’s place we went to. I only told her it was a prophet’s own and explained what he told us to do. I called the number of the contractor that handled our building. I told him to give me the contact of the painter. I contacted the painter but he said he was out of town and would be coming back the next week. “Next week too far nah,” I thought. We wanted a painter or painters that would do the job the next day. We looked for another painter and we got 5 of them that evening. They agreed to start work the next day which was a Sunday.
After all agreements to pay the painters handsomely, we didn’t sleep in that compound, rather we moved to a hotel, I and my 2 friends and mom.
The next day, the painters came early and started the job. It took them 3 days to finish the job. I gave them their balance. My guys had already gone back to Ibadan. I felt everything had become okay, but with still little doubts on my mind. We moved back to the house. After the first night, it was only I and my mom slept in the house. We slept so freely. My mom recalled the housekeepers the next day. Night came,
>>


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A father and his three beautiful blonde daughters went into a hotel to stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls.
While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says,
“If you don`t do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry.”
Fearing for his life, he did it with her. Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said,
“If you don`t do it with me, I`ll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry.”
Again fearing for his life, he agreed. Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said,
“If you don`t have sex with me, I`ll pour green juice all over the bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry.”
“Green juice?” He asked, “Why Green?”
She replied, “Because my cherry is not ripe yet, duh.”Related


Wikipedia : I know everything.

Google : I have everything.

Facebook : I know everybody.

Internet : Without me, you are all nothing.

NEPA: Keep talking …we shall see.




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-23 08:56:54

278 Views




Akpos WEDDING INVITATION
.
I know you all hav been waiting for this.
This is to invite "U", My Dear Friends and Well Wishers to
My Wedding Ceremony scheduled as follows:
.
ENGAGEMENT:
Main Town Hall, Bama Village, Borno State.
.
TRADITIONAL WEDDING:
Govt. Girls' Sec. Sch.Auditorium Chibok Borno State.
.
WHITE WEDD?NG:
Gwoza Multipurpose Hall, Borno State.
.
RECEPTION P?CN?C:
Sambisa Forest and Resort, Borno State.
.
CHAIRMAN:
Abubakar Shekau.
.
May God bless and grant you safe journey as you honor my
invitation!
.
NOTE: If you don't know all these places there are free
buses at Nyanya Park Abuja.
.
THIS IS THE TIME TO KNOW MY TRUE FRIENDS!
.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-26 16:18:05

781 Views




Koboko return home from sch after his exam. Mum: hw was ur paper? Koboko: it was fine bt I dn't knw d past tense of think; I "Thought" I Thought" than finally I write THUNK


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-27 17:33:59

582 Views




Father! am chilling on the cross








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-30 08:18:48

844 Views




This situation was growing morernuncomfortable by the moment. While I wasrnextremely embarrassed, I was equallyrnaroused or so it seemed. “Its ok”, Bethrnadded, “ In fact, it turned me on to see arnman paying me attention.” Now I knew shernwas exaggerating . Beth was beautiful and Irnknow guys hit on her all the time. “I doubtrnthat you are suffering from lack ofrnattention, Beth” I added. “Oh I getrnattention” she said, “But not from decentrnguys, just from guys who want a quick piecernof ass”. “I can get that from Lance anytimernI want.”rnI noticed that she was beginning to squirmrna bit and had crossed her thighs veryrntightly. I think she was as uncomfortablernas I was, at least I hoped she was. Thisrnjust was not the kind of conversation Irnhave had with any other woman then my wife.rnIn fact, I had only been with one woman myrnentire life.rnThen once again she spilled a bit ofrninformation that could only have come fromrnSusan. “ I know watching a woman makingrnherself cum is big on your list of turn-rnons.” I told her I really couldn’t believernthat Susan had shared so much of ourrnpersonal life with her. She smiled thisrnalmost evil grin and told me “Oh, I know arnlot more than that.”rnWithout much hesitation she quickly said “rnWould you like to see a woman cum again ?”rnMy head was spinning trying to process allrnthis new information that was being thrownrnat me. Both of my heads were thinking atrnthe same time, and the large one was havingrna hard time keeping up with the small one.rn“Beth”, I replied, “You’re my wife’srnsister, you’re married and we are actuallyrnstill family.” She looked at me with arndisappointed face and replied, “You don’trnfind me attractive Jeff ?” My facialrnexpression must have answered the questionrnbecause she quickly followed up with,rn“Then, what’s the problem ?” I thoughtrnquickly for any answer I could find. “Beth,rnI just think it would make things realrnuncomfortable for us, now and in thernfuture.” She looked at me with those softrneyes and said, “I’m not asking you to fuckrnme, we both get ourselves off anyway,rnwhat’s wrong with doing it together?”rnI thought about this for a second, thenrnbefore I could respond she added, “Howrnabout I start and if you feel like joiningrnin you can, if you start to feelrnuncomfortable, you tell me to stop.” Oncernagain I thought about it, taking probablyrnlonger than she would like, then replied “rnOk, but I still think this is a bad idea.”rnBeth took another long drink of wine fromrnher glass, then leaned back on the sofa.rnHer eyes were glued to mine, but her handsrnwere visibly shaking. Before I could askrnher if she was sure this is what shernwanted, she reached down to her jeans andrnunbuttoned them. Without taking her eyesrnoff mine, she slowly slid the zipper downrnall the way and open them up. I could seernthe top of black lace panties peeking outrnabove the jeans. She slid one hand insidernher jeans and I could tell exactly whenrnthey touched her pussy. Her head jerkedrnback, just a bit from the electricity ofrnthe touch. By now, my cock was alreadyrnharder then it had been in years, beggingrnto be released. But I just was not surernyet, what to do. Beth then lifted her hipsrnfrom the sofa and with a gentle tug, pulledrnher jeans down her legs. It was as ifrnsomeone had knocked the wind out of me. Irnwas having a hard time breathing and I knowrnI was trembling. There sat this beautifulrnyoung woman in a pair of sexy black lacernpanties slowly rubbing herself through thernthin, sheer fabric. “Does, this excite yournJeff?” I nodded yes, without hesitation.rn“Then why don’t you do something about it.”rnI shrugged and mumbled somethingrnincoherently. “Well then, maybe you need arnlittle more visual arts”, she added. Withrnthat she reached down and slowly pulled herrnpanties down to meet her jeans. She leanedrnback and opened her legs to show me thernbest sight I had seen in 8 long years. Herrnpussy had small lips that were puffy and arndeep pink in color. Even from where I wasrnsitting, I could see the dampness betweenrnthem. She extended one finger from herrnright hand, placed it on her swollen clitrnand began to move in small but quickrncircles. Her breathing was becoming shallowrnand I could see her face getting a bitrnflushed.rnA few more seconds passed and she asked mernin a soft, deep voice, “If you’re gonna cumrnwith me, you better get started, because Irnam not going to last long the first time.”rnThe first time, I thought ?rnVery unsure of myself, I moved my hand downrnto my jeans. At that point she gave me arnsmile. Not just any smile. One that told mernthis would be ok. I open my pants , thenrnwith one motion, pulled them down alongrnwith my boxers. My cock was rock hard andrnstanding at attention. “Oh, Jeff, show mernhow you stroke your cock.” Beth moaned. Irnwrapped my hand around my cock firmly andrnstarted slowly moving up and down. Her eyesrnwere glued to my cock and mine to herrnpussy. I guess she could tell by thernquickening of my strokes I was perhapsrnrushing. “Not too fast” she said, “Enjoyrnit, slow it down, let me cum once, then wernwill cum together again.” I nodded ok, thenrnslowed down a bit and watched Beth. Herrnfinger speed increased and she started tornarch her back a bit. Even though its been arnwhile, I knew she was close. I asked her tornlook at me. She tilted her head down a bitrnand look me dead in the eyes. “Cum for me,rnBeth, cum on that pretty hand of yours.” Itrnwas like I flipped a switch to turn thernlight on. “Oh my fucking God” she screamed.rn“I’m fucking cumminggggggg.’rnShe bucked and twisted on her hand for whatrnseemed like a minute before she came backrndown to earth. “Oh God, Jeff”, she moaned.rnThat was the best cum I have had in years.rn“Although” she whispered, “I am a bit sorryrnabout the language.” I shook my head andrnreplied “ Its quite ok, Susan was alwaysrnvery vocal when she had an orgasm”.rn“Can you cum again ?”, I asked innocently.rn“Oh yea, probably a few more times”, shernanswered. This was new to me. While Susanrnhad never been the one to have orgasmrnproblems, she never came more than once inrna session. “How about you ?” Beth replied,rn“You wanna cum with me this time ?” Irnnodded my head yes.rnShe placed the two fingers that had justrnbeen in her pussy in her mouth and suckedrnon them slowly. She then lowered them backrnbetween her legs and started rubbing herrnclit again. First slowly, but constantlyrnincreasing in speed, though not as urgentrnas before. By now my cock was throbbing, myrnballs swollen, ready to erupt. “I wanna seernyou cum up close” , Beth told me. “Come sitrnnext to me over here.”rnI got up and moved right next to her on thernsofa. As I sat down, my thigh was touchingrnher thigh and I could feel the heat herrnbody was giving off. We watched each otherrnfor several minutes until it becamernapparent to her I was not going to lastrnmuch longer. She leaned over to me andrnsoftly whispered “ You wanna switchrnhands ?” By this time I was too far gone torneven care anymore. “Oh God yes “, Irnanswered.rnShe took her right hand out of her pussy. Irncould see the juices rolling off herrnfingers. She wrapped it around my cock andrnbegan a slow, methodical motion. I moved myrnleft hand down to her pussy. I slid myrnfinger easily inside her. She wasrnpositively drenched. After a second ofrnfumbling, I found her clit. “Oh yea “ shernwhispered, “Right there.” I began the rapidrncircular motions that I know Susan liked,rnbut I was really out of practice. After arnfew moment though, I seemed to get itrnright. Beth started pumping my cock fasterrnand moving her hips. “Oh God, I’m closernagain.” She turned her head and looked atrnme and for once I took control. I leanedrnover and pressed my lips to her in a longrndeep kiss. Her tongue quickly found minernand in a few mere moments, she was cummingrnagain. “Fuck” she screamed, “Cum nowwwww.rnShe was pounding my cock like a pro. All atrnonce it hit me. Beth arched her back oncernmore and cried out softly, “ Oh God its sornfucking good.” Before she barely finishedrnthose words, I felt my body spasm and myrncock erupted shooting out wave after wavernof hot cum. Beth continued to stroke andrnsqueeze my cock until it was completelyrndry. She leaned up and once again kissed mernlong and deep. When our lips parted, shernsmiled and asked, “Do you think this couldrnbe a regular thing between us.” Somehow Irnjust can’t see why not.


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salary [Read it]



Yesterday I was paid my monthly
salary of 55,000 naira. At the
same time my girlfriend called me to
tell me she was going
out to the beach with her friends
and that she needed an amount of
55,000naira
I got the whole of
my salary and sent to her on
mobile money because I don't want
to lose her. Now I am financially
broke.
Please What am I? 1.Caring guy 2.Faithful
guy
3.Fool
4.Sweet Lover
5.Good Husband material
6.Handsome
7.Wise guy
8.Economizer
9.Good Competitor



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-05 10:27:23

416 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Laziness [Read it]


Laziness is more of a mental something. One minute, you boil water to make Eba, next minute, you're drinking Tea.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-05 17:07:47

367 Views



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