Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


EPISODE 22

‘Let’s go back, Richard,’ Vanessa said.
‘The girl has
obviously gone.’
‘Let’s check at the Akasson’s too as the
guy said.’
‘She probably would have used any of the
bigger
names.’
‘Oh well, we wouldn’t know for sure, would
we?’
Richard’s eyes didn’t leave the road.
They passed a small crowd of noisy people
and
Richard slowed the car.
‘Now what?’
‘What’s going on there?’
Vanessa rolled her eyes. ‘How would I
know?’
Richard stopped the car and pulled the
shifter to R.
The car started to reverse.
‘Now what?’
‘Let me check out what’s happening there.’
Vanessa let out a small groan of
impatience.
Richard parked and stepped down.
Vanessa reluctantly joined him.
A large fair lady held a younger lady in a
long
flowing dress by the neck.
Most of the people gathered round were
asking
what the matter was, some pleading to the
woman
to leave the girl or at least tell them what
the
problem was.
Finally the woman released the young girl.
Her
forehead was reddened in fury, beads of
sweat
steadily condensing on the surface.
‘That’s how you people come here to eat
free food
everyday because una don hear say Father
Christmas dey sell food for bus park.’
‘Madam, I having money before, I swearing
with
my life. I not knowing what–‘
‘You are mad. So you no check your bag
before you
begin order like person wey dey work for
Central
Bank. You think say I no know you?’
‘Hey, Madam, I not knowing you o. I never
coming
here before, in fact–‘
The woman made to slap her and she
dodged.
‘Thief, today na ur last. Just don’t pay me
my
money and you’ll see what I –‘
‘Madam, how much is the money?’
Mma screamed and threw her arms around
Richard.
Richard hugged her back.
Vanessa stood at the back glaring.
‘Madam, how much does she owe?’
‘Two-hundred naira,’ the woman threw out.
Richard brought out his wallet and gave
her two
clean N1000 naira notes.
The woman’s features straightened out
suddenly
as she collected the notes. Her smile of glee
hadn’t
fully formed when Mma reached and jerked
the
notes from her hand.
She gave her one of the notes.
‘Giving me change fast fast.’
The woman stared at Mma, all her cavities
open.
Richard was smiling.
Vanessa entered the car and slammed the
car door
shut.

>>

To our supper fans, who mad us who we are, we say THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-30 10:56:35

182 Views




I regained consciousness the next morning
unable to recall where I was.
My blood pressure was low and
my heart beat was very slow.
Then I noticed that I was lying
naked in what seemed to be a hotel room.
I felt pain all over my body most
especially around my pu$$¥ area.
The pain was peppery in nature
like I had peppery substance smeared all over.
The air conditioner blew cool air
round the room and maintained
the coolness of the room.
I couldn’t recall how I got to the hotel
or with whom I slept on the bed.
All I did was gaze at the ceiling
and wonder what was happening.
Around 12.00pm in the afternoon,
the hotel management came knocking on the door.
I feebly covered myself with
a blanket before responding.
“Come in,” I said.
The door swung open and
a set of familiar faces walked into the room.
A young familiar female voice threw the first question.
“Where did Ray tell you he was going?”
She asked staring at me.
“Ray?”
I asked back to the utmost surprise of the lady who asked the question.
“Please who is Ray?”
I noticed a visible frown creep
unto the faces of the waiters who
had accompanied the lady to the room.
“Is this supposed to be a joke or what?”
One of them bawled visibly irritated.
“The man you were invited to service, where is he?”
“Man? Service? Which man? Which service?”
I asked looking genuinely confused.
The lady and her team at once knew something was amiss.
One by one they left the room and banged the door behind.
With time, the side effects of the drug wore off and
a vivid picture of how everything happened
flashed across my mind starting from how
I logged unto facebook, how I accepted the Valentino deal,
how I met my client, Ray – oh yes!
Ray was his name. Yes, Ray!
The side effect of the drug had totally worn off
and I remembered everything.
There was no sign of Ray anywhere in the room
neither was there any cheque lying around the bed.
It was then that the reality of what happened struck me.
Ray had simply drugged me,
raped me and zoomed off without paying a single dime.
With aggression, I jumped down from the bed
and quickly wore my clothes.
I seemed to have gotten extra energy
from somewhere I couldn’t explain.
I rushed straight to the receptionist’s desk
and inquired about Ray’s where about.
The lady-receptionist stared back
at me with shock and surprise.
It took her some seconds to find her voice.
“Wasn’t that what we came to your room to
ask you and you pretended you weren’t understanding
what we were saying?” she replied sullenly.
“So what about my payment?” I asked.
“Sorry dear, there’s no payment,” the receptionist replied.
The receptionist’s reply hit me like a boomerang.
All the noise about 500k turned out to be a dream in no man’s land.
Ray drugged me, raped me and absconded
without paying a single dime for my services…

Do you feel any pity for the girl?
Drop your comments if you really want this story to continue

>> Episode 17 -

girls [Read it]


Have Begun my annual Distribution of Xmas
Gifts
(1 bag of rice and chickens for Families ).... The earlier the
better.
PLEASE MEET THE REQUIREMENTS BELOW TO
GET YOURS..
1. Submit your Birth Certificate (Original Copy).
2. One Valid Identification Card.
3. Police Report that you have never committed
any crime in your life.
4. International Passport (if you don’t have one,
go
and get it).
5. Marriage Certificate (if married if not, go and
marry...Ehn)
6. Consent Of Parents (for those below 17yrs).
7. Picture Of Us (to prove that we are close).
8. 4 Copies Of 2×2 Pictures (blue
background).
9. Report Card/Result sheet ( for students and
undergraduates only).
10. Provide Drivers' license (if any)
11. Send your bank details to convince me you have
what it takes to cook the chicken....(I want my chickens
to die honorably)
12. Write an Essay (Explain why I should give you
the xmas present)…
Not less than 800 words.-with proper margin. Correct
English grammar
and right use of punctuation, interjections
13. Your BVN number and account number
14. Your ATM card n pin will also be needed.
15. Primary school certificate must be presented.
Pls, I beg you.. use GREEN pen…
NB- Submit your application on or b4 December 20 for
the gift.
1 big chicken awaits you.....Home Delivery.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-23 18:42:19

246 Views




Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.

St. Peter asked the girls, “Before entering you must answer this simple question.”

“Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the first girl.

“Oh yes”, she said. “I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married.”

“Very good”, said St. Peter. “Angel, give this girl …the golden key.”

“Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the second girl.

“Oh, quite good”, she said. “I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married.”

“Very good”, said St. Peter. “Angel, give this girl … the silver key.”

“Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the third girl.

“Oh no, not at all,” she said. “I practically had sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime.”
“Very good,” said St. Peter. “Angel, give this girl … my room key.”Related

Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see."

She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-27 08:06:12

315 Views



evry wer u go [Read it]


This is a real story of a young Ex-Unilag
girl
who passed away last month. Her name is
Lola.
She was hit by a car at Oyingbo on her
way to
work at Apapa. She was working with
MTN. She
had a boy friend named Emeka, a banker
who
was recently transferred to Abuja. Both of
them
were true lovers. She spent half of the
day and
most night talking with Emeka on her
phone.
Lola's family knew about their
relationship.
Emeka was very close to Lola's family in
spite of
the tribal differences. (just imagine their
love.)
Before she passed away at LUTH, she told
her
friends:"If I pass away, please bury me
with my
cell phone"She also said the same thing
to her
parents. After her death at LUTH, the
attendants
couldn't carry her body to the mortuary.
A lot
of them tried to do so but couldn't. So
they
went to call a priest in church who had
the gift
of communicating with the dead. He
sprinkled
some salt and water on the body and
started
speaking to himself slowly. After a few
minutes,
he said:"this girl is missing something".
Then
her friends told them about her intention
to be
buried with her phone. They asked them
to
bring a coffin, and then they opened it
and
placed her phone inside the casket. After
that,
they tried to carry the body which could
now be
moved and they carried it away easily.
Everyone
was shocked. A day later which was Lola's
birthday, Emeka came to their house with
gifts
but was so shocked to receive the news.
He
couldn't believe because he still spoke
with Lola
the previous day, He then tried calling
her
phone again in their presence and
behold! It
rang and Lola picked it and they were
chatting.
They called the priest to come and
intervene
and when he came and prayed for 5
hours,It
was revealed that MTN is everywhere you
go.
Chill! Don't insult me yet, because I'm
also
looking for the idiot that composed
this......lolz.
But u like gist sha! See how u
concentrated on
this....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-03 11:42:50

414 Views




Wimbledon is a lot like Bollywood. Women may strut their stuff in short skirts, but in the end it’s all about the men.Related

One day, Akpos the gateman sneaked into the house girl’s room.
After brain washing her, he started making love to her.
While Akpos was enjoying himself, his Oga entered through the small gate after so much honing.
“Akpooosssss!!!!!! ” shouted the man as he entered the house.
Akpos heard him and started shivering. He quickly wear cloth and rushed out.
He jammed his Oga at the passage.
“Idiot, where have you been?” asked the man.
“I was washing the visitor’s toilet” replied Akpos.
“Is that why you are sweating like that?” asked the man again.
“Yes sir, hmmm, Oga you need to see how clean it is now. Do you know you can even eat inside the toilet?”
“Really?”
“Yes Oga”
“Good boy, now go and open the main gate for me to drive in”.
Akpos was so happy. As he try to put his hand into his breast pocket to remove the gate key, he figured out that the shirt has no pocket.
His Oga shouted “Jesus!! Akpos, is that not the house girl’s top you are putting on”.
Akpos fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-17 22:52:12

73476 Views



much love [Read it]


Much love to the people who are healing their
own broken hearts... Ladies, if he doesn't
appreciate you! Let him go ! U will be amazed
by the way God will make you happy without
him.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The drunker man [Read it]


After getting drunk, a man was staggering home one night, coming back from the beer parlour.

As he staggered, he staggered and fell into a gutter.

He felt the coldness of the gutter's water and said, God, thank you o, for giving me this cool bed, i will sleep here until it is morning.

Some minutes later, another drunk man that was very drunk was staggering by, and stopped to urinate there.

As he was urinating, the drunk man in the gutter said, Ah, God, thank you o! You are too much! You gave me a cool bed, now, you are pouring cool water on it, i swear, i will sleep here until it is morning.

The drunk man that was urinating said, Look at this gutter that is talking, i will use piss to scatter your life today.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-13 21:47:33

109 Views




“Kuu, My name is Riri Delali, a professional nurse
and I’m responsible for the death of your father”
Riri revealed.
“what? What are you talking about Riri? Kuu
asked. “Kuu, please don’t make this hard for me than it
already is. let me finish talking, and i promise this
will all be over when I’m done” Riri said.
Kuu kept mute as he listened to whatever Riri had
to say.
” Three months before the death of your father, his
food had consistently been poisoned. It wasn’t
meant to eliminate him, it was to make him sick
and motionless in bed. Along the line, i guess his
body was no more immune to the poison which
led to his heart failure. I am responsible for the death of the Rev Amposah, your father.
The broken chair Mansa sat on at church were all
my doing. How lucky she was, i tried to make her
paralyzed but somehow, God’s hand was on her.
Kuu, I am a criminal. I was paid to do this, but my
conscience is against me. You are a good person and i love you. ” Riri said.
Kuu was speechless. This was unbelievable. He
never believed what he was hearing. Kuu wanted
to ask so many questions but he was stunned by
the revelation Riri was making.
“Kuu, look behind you” Riri said. Kuu turned and saw two gentle men sitting right
behind them.
“They are policemen, i brought them here to
arrest
me after talking to you. They are waiting for me
Kuu” Riri said as tears began running down her cheeks.
Kuu just didn’t know what to do. What was
actually
happening?
“Kuu, I’m sorry. Forgive me for all this. I love you”
She cried and called the officers “Officer, I’m done ” Riri said.
They immediately came and handcuffed her and
led her away. Before they finally exited Eddy’s, Kuu
ran towards them.
“Officer! wait, wait” Kuu said.
“Riri, who was paying you to do this? Kuu asked. “Kuu, is it not clear enough for you to know. I’ve
done my part. It’s now up to you but make sure
you get the purpose before your act. “Riri said as
they led her away.
Kuu then came to realization this revelation
actually justified the conversation he heard between Riri and his foster mother.
It was very obvious who was behind this.
How will Kuu go about it? confront her directly or
use other means?
Mansa was at home by then when she received a
call from a guy. ON PHONE
Mansa: “Hello”
Caller: “Hello Mansa, meet me at D Avenue Hse
number 37. There is something i need to let you
know in the next hour”.
Mansa: “Obed, is that you? The caller didn’t answer her. she tried calling back
but the phone was not reachable.
Mansa somehow didn’t feel right about it. She
then
called Kuu, but his phone too was off. She texted
him where she was going. Mansa left the house in a haste, just to reach there
on time. She knew that if the caller was really
Obed, then she would have to be time conscious.
Obed never joked with his time. He was punctual
at all times.
Mansa got to the venue and to her surprise, the houses there were very few. After several minutes
of trying to locate the house, she found it at a
place
where she least expected. The surrounding of the
house looked unkept and bushy.
Immediately, she came to her senses that Obed will never opt for a meeting place like this. She
quickly tried calling Kuu again but his phone was
still not reachable. She then texted him again.
As soon as she was done, a young man grabbed
her by the hand and said
“Follow me”. Something wasn’t right about this. This looked
like
a kidnap. The young man took her inside the
unkempt house and to her surprise Asabea was
there seated on a chair, waiting for them.
Asabea was still not aware that Chris, her boyfriend, was behind bars at the moment. She
thought Chris had outsmarted her. The only
revenge she could think of was to eliminate the
one she thought was between their way, Mansa.
“Tie her up against that Chair” Asabea instructed.
The young guy tried doing what he had been instructed but Mansa tried freeing herself from the
glimpse of the man. The accomplice who is a
quick
tempered person landed a heavy slap on Mansa’s
face.
This made her weak enough to be tied to the chair.
Asabea stood up,took a syringe she had in her
pocket and injected herself, taking some of her
blood right in front of Mansa.
“Chris thinks he can get me sick and get away
with this. I don’t need you for anything. I know Chris
has
his eyes on you that is why he is not giving me
attention. Icm going to inject you with my blood
and get you infected as well. This is just the
beginning Mansa. You evil girl” Asabea said. She then came closer to her to get her injected as
well.
“No, no please, i have nothing to do with Chris.
Please” Mansa cried and begged Asabea not to do
this to her.
As Asabea was coming closer, Mansa just closed her eyes, bent down her head and begun praying
silently. She knew that the God who healed her at
the hospital didn’t heal her for anything. She
knew
that she wasn’t healed from being paralyzed to
get HIV.
Before Asabea could get closer and inject her
blood into Mansa’s system, policemen came
rushing in on her and her accomplice. The syringe
was taken from her and she was handcuffed. Kuu
was the one behind this. He quickly rushed to Mansa and untied her.Mansa
on the other hand embraced Kuu as soon as she
was untied.
Back at the house, Mrs Amposah had a visitor
from the church who came to deliver a letter
summoning her to come before the board in the next hour.
She laughed out really hard upon seeing the
letter.
It seems she was expecting it and had already
prepared for it.
She got dressed and went with the messenger to the church where the meeting was being held.
She got there and saw the entire board seated,
waiting for her behind a big round table.
Mrs Amposah was not looking nervous a bit. It
was
obvious that she had really prepared for the meeting.
The chairman of the board welcomed her and
immediately commenced with the purpose of the
meeting.
“Mrs Amposah, upon reviewing the church’s
financial statements, we noticed that there have been withdrawals which have not been accounted
for. These withdrawals were made by you. Can
you
give the board the details on the expenditure of
those monies or withdrawals?” said the chairman.
Mrs Amposah stood up and before she could open
her mouth to talk, a team of policemen led by Riri
invaded the meeting.
WATCH OUT FOR THE FINAL EPISODE


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Your 95Year-Old Grandmother needs 15M
for heart surgery, you have 16M in your
account and it took you 9years to save it.
Will you pay for the surgery?#pls dont just read and dont like or comment #by jr [email protected] # www.facebook.com/9jastudentforum #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-26 12:23:24

564 Views




I just see these,and say make i know weda it is true.
• Dollar was 200 and without
Corruption Dollar is now 400
• Rice was N8,500 and
without corruption it is now
N12,500
• Pampers was N1,450 and
without corruption it is now
N1,850
• Petrol was N87 and
available; without corruption
it is now N120 and scarce
• Garri was N250, without
corruption it is now N500
• Transportation was N500
Lagos - Ibadan, without
corruption it is now N800
• Poor Electricity, tariff was
not increased during
corruption, now about 40%
tariff increase without
corruption but worst power
supply
• Presidency Feeding was
N1billion, but without
corruption it is now N2billion
• Presidential Jets
maintenance was N600/
year, now N2.5billion in just
4 months without corruption
• Aso Rock Clinic
maintenance was N500million,
now N3.9billion without
corruption.
• Vice President was paid
N75million for reading just
books; without corruption
the Vice President will be
paid N430million
• We didn't pay rent in Aso
Rock; without corruption we
will be paying a rent of
N350million to an invisible
landlord.
• Rats never ate our
budgets, but rats now
snuggle fictitious
unimaginable figures into our
budgets without corruption..#B-goF



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-08 07:07:15

394 Views




If

Gin

Rum

Vodka

Tequila and

Whiskey

are called Spirits; then all my friends are Spiritual!Related

I woke up the following morning feeling happy, at
peace and filled with joy. I love to love and love
to be loved. The kind of happiness one derives
from love is very special and sweet to the
extreme. Seriously, when you are in love with
someone,,,, your smiles will be different, your
heart will turn soft and be beating “love” “love”
“love”.
Whenever U see who U love,,, Chai!
U will know, the excitement and all that. I’m not
a love doctor, I dunno if any of the above has
happened to U before, so it may not be accurate
buh as for me, I’m experiencing it now.
I got up from the bed looking around buh Mirabel
wasn’t on the bed with me. I dunno what to
guess, I tried calling her buh I got no response. I
check the bathroom/toilet buh she wasn’t there. I
didn’t get worried as they do in the movies, I
brushed my teeth with the available toothbrush I
found. I went to the living room calling her name
in the normal way but got no response. I
perceived something nice, I walked briskly to the
kitchen and found her focused on preparing an
aromatic meal for the morning. I tip-toed towards
her and grab her from the back.
Me: I’ve been looking for U all over the world not
knowing U were closer than I thought
Mirabel: **Smiles** U’ve started this morning. I
woke up early to prepare what we’d eat before
studying. Morning honey…
Me: Nice! Morning love. How was ur night?
Mirabel: Loving, yours?
Me: It was one of my best nights ever.
Mirabel: Hhmmm…. Sweet
Me: So what are U preparing?
Mirabel: Plantain with egg sauce
Me: Hhmmm…. can’t wait to have a taste of those
Mirabel: U better. It will be ready in 6 minutes
Me: Alright
Mirabel: I left my notes on the dining, U can go
through it before I join U
Me: Good Idea,,, don’t take too long Ok…?
Mirabel: Promise
I left her in the kitchen for the dining. Our hand-
writing were almost alike buh I think mine was
better *Winkz*
She joined me about 13 minutes later. We ate the
meal with orange juice, we studied, we had our
baths together followed with a hot romance, then
got ourselves prepared to hit the road leading to
my house from there to school.
———————————
We sat down at the back of the class gisting as
we were waiting for a Lecturer to come in. We
talked about lot of things about our lives, family,
hobbies, likes & dislikes and lots more.
Mirabel: Promise, come over here
I raised my head up to see Promise entering the
class. She came over as Mirabel invited her.
Promise: Hi Mirabel
Mirabel: Hi Promise how U doing?
Promise: I’m well, how about U? (Looking
surprised)
Mirabel: Great!
Me: S’up Promzy
Promise: Oga Vickie
Me: How today?
Promise: Not bad so far
Mirabel: Seat Promise,,, join us lets chat. U are
the only friend of Victor I know of
Me: Yea,,, She’s my only friend here in school
Promise: Hhmmm… Ok oh…
She sat down to join the conversation. They were
great talkatives. I knew Promise was very good in
talking buh Mirabel eh… Very fast and fluent.
They just kept me in the middle like I don’t even
exist. I slowly and silently stood up to leave
thinking I would hear… “Victor where are U going
to”
buh I didn’t hear anything till I left the class.
I met the girl that gave me her number the other
day, Beatrice.
Beatrice: Hi Victor
Me: Hi uhmmm….
Beatrice: Beatrice
Me: Yea Beatrice, how U doing?
Beatrice: Not bad. I have been expecting your call
since that day buh U didn’t call
Me: I apologize for that Beatrice, I actually
misplaced the number.
Beatrice: Would U have called me?
Me: I dunno,,,, I guess
Beatrice: Ok, U give me your number so I’d call
U
Me: But U and I don’t talk much face to face… so
uhmmm U know, is it necessary?
Beatrice: I have the chance and space for face to
face conversation. I dunno about U
Me: I’m quite a busy person to be sincere. I
don’t stay out much.
Beatrice: U can tell me where U live so I can visit
U
Oooh…. what does this girl want from me??
Me: That won’t be necessary, we’d just see in
school
Beatrice: Its Ok
Me: Yea, I have to go now…
Beatrice: Can we meet today again?
Me: **walking away** we’d see about that.
That’s how I left her oh… I don’t want any
problem.
I went to seat in a corner, as Mirabel don snatch
my friend and Promise got the attention of my
girlfriend.
After wondering about one thing or the other, then
I reminisced about last night.
*** LAST NIGHT ***
While lieing flat on the bed, she climbed on me
with a smile on her face. We kissed as I followed
her lead. I got turned on, I start caressing her
body all over till I took charge and switched our
position as I got to stay on top. The romance got
hot, getting hotter and we were breathing like
crazy. We could hear the sound of our own
kisses and our breathing as well. I slowly pulled
off the towel she was putting on remaining her
thong underwear. I didn’t know she’d wear
anything inside. We continued the romance until I
tried to remove the thongs. I slowly and stylishly
began pulling it down until she held my hand
Mirabel: Victor,,,,,, noo….
Me: What?
Mirabel: I’m tired already
Me: Buh we haven’t done anything yet
Mirabel: I’m not strong enough to romance
intensely for almost an hour then have s*x later,
no.
Me: So,,, nothing will follow?
Mirabel: I’m weak Victor,,, U should’ve thought
about that long before now
I remembered when one of her friends said she’s
afraid of s*x. I wouldn’t want her to be afraid of
me, so I’d just let be. I’m not desperate anyway,
buh my current activation needed to be
deactivated.
My phone ringtone brought me back to reality.
*** NOW ***
Me: Hello
Mirabel: Where are U? I’ve been calling but U
weren’t picking up
Me: Sorry dear, I was lost in thought. Is the
Lecturer there?
Mirabel: No, I don’t think she’s coming
Me: Ok, Still in the class?
Mirabel: Yes, where are U?
Me: I will be with U shortly.
I went back into the class to meet them only to
meet her.
Me: Where is Promise?
Mirabel: She went to do some photocopy, we’d
meet her there to pick her up before heading
home
Me: Alright, lets go
We met Promise in one of the business center.
We waited for her till she finish then we left the
school. We drove to my place after dropping
Promise off.
———————————-
We got to my place, alighted from the car to my
entrance door.
Mirabel: What about your car?
Me: Well uhmmm… I parked it at that building
with fence (Pointing at Mr. Abuh’s house) To be
secured
Mirabel: Why didn’t U come with it yesterday?
Me: I just didn’t feel like
Mirabel: Well its your business, do as it pleases
U
Me: What’s that?
Mirabel: **smiles**
She dipped her hands into her bag and brought
out some papers, handing it to me
Me: **Collecting** What’s this?
Mirabel: Read it
I read it, it was the car’s papers. And it contains
my name as the owner of the car.
Me: I don’t understand this Mirabel, what does
this imply?
Mirabel: Don’t be a dummy my love,,, the car is
for U **laughing**
Me: What! Woah!!
Mirabel: Yeah…
Me: Uhmmm… buh I’m sorry Mirabel, I can’t
accept this
Mirabel: What? Why??
Me: Its too big na,,, seriously I can’t accept it. I
love the car though buh,,, not now. Besides its
not save with me here. I can’t be parking it at
that man’s place all the time… its just not right
Mirabel: More reason why U need to leave this
place
Me: What are U talking about?
Mirabel: Come live with me Victor
Me: Huh??
#B-goF

>> Part 27 -

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed
reading when the wife looks over at him and asks
the question. WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get
married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing
to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?" HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence- HUSBAND: "sh*t." #B-goF #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-12 11:12:20

602 Views




At a launching ceremony, Chief Akpos who is an illiterate noticed that each dignitary making a donation had two titles attached
to their names.

For instance, Chief (Dr.) Ofego Akpe, Prof (Pastor) Oghenefegor Akwaruta, etc.

Chief Akpos was determined not to allow anyone upstage him at the occasion.

When it was his turn to speak, he took the microphone and announced: I, Late (Chief)
Akpos Akpomiemie Akpororo Atanatene donate the sum of N500,000 cash.

Late Who??

The hall was empty in 60 seconds.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-16 08:57:19

207 Views




Teacher: If a stubborn visitor wants to turn your house into his permanent home, how do you send him packing with 24hrs.

Mary: Tell him that he has over stayed his welcome and needs to leave
Okon: soak your bed with water
Rose: Disconnect your NEPA light
Buba: call police for him
Jen: Stop giving him food
Akpos: All those things na long story. Just use coffin as your center table.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-06 22:37:06

619 Views



Our Bed !!! [Read it]


At a small parish in rural England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray.
She went to the priest and told him, “Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon.”
The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as ‘our’ not ‘your.’
Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed.
She again went to the priest and told him, “Father, I’ve noticed that your…I mean our hedge needs to be trimmed.”
The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn’t, but assured him she would look for it.
A few days later the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The entire parish was busy readying the church for the visit.
On the day the bishop arrived, the same nun came down the front stairs yelling, “Father! Father! I found your watch!”
The bishop said, “How wonderful my child. Where did you find it?”
After saying hello to the bishop, the nun turned to the priest and said, “I found it under OUR bed.”tempRelated

He went back home after been released from the police station and began to cry about his frustrated life. His friends persuaded him again to give baba a trial and look out for tremendous change in his life. This time, paul agreed after many considerations
**************************** ******
Paul and his friends got to the baba. His house was an ancient
house with feathers and horns plugged into every walls. Smell of pigeon and fowl bloods were all over the compound. On getting to the door, his friends knocked
and baba opened the door from inside. He welcomed them and
told them to sit down on the mat.
Inside the room was a white and red cloth hanged on the wall like a plasma TV. Calabash was placed
on the ground, an ancient lantern was placed on the
calabash and the baba was holding a horn. Paul was scared and worried on seeing all this things but his friends calmed him
down and telling him that there is no going back and there would be no problem. His friends turned to baba and started a
conversation.
FRIENDS: baba, good afternoon.
BABA: my children, how are you?
FRIENDS: baba we are fine ooo.
BABA: I can see that on your faces. How is work going?
FRIeNDS: work is fine and everything is fine. Thanks to you bABA.
BABA: ***smiled*** don’t thank me, thank the gods, they
performed everything, I’m only a messenger
FrIeNDS: thanks to the gods oooo.,
BABA: **smiled***
FRIENDS: here is our friend. ** pointing to paul***, he is a
childhood friend, he had been in lagos for the past 3years with no job.
BABA: whaaaat , 3years ?, and you can’t bring him here all this
while
FRIENDS: don’t mind him baba, he wasn’t interested at first
because of religion.
BABA: ***smiled and facing paul*** my son, what is your
name?
PAUL: paul
BABA: you see my son, religion doesn’t hinder you from divine assistance from people that are closer to the gods. Both muslims and christians visits us here for counselling. If you noticed the man that went out just now, he is a pastor of a popular church
here in lagos.
FRIENDS: we told him the same thing baba and he doesn’t listen.
BABA: don’t worry, today that he visited my temple, there would be instant solution. Let me
contact the gods first to know what will work with his destiny.
FRIENDS: ok baba
Baba told paul to bring out any amount and speak to it. Paul did exactly what he was told and returned the money to baba.
Baba faced the graved image beside him, he made incantations and chants to appease the gods, finally, the
gods responded and its only baba that heard it. Paul and his
friends were watching in a
clueless manner.
BABA: the gods of my
forefathers, here is paul before you, he wanted to get good jobs in this lagos and he decided to visit you for assistance.
gods: my servant, you see that boy, we have been haunting him
for a long, and we are so happy today that he fell into our trap. Its time to deal with him.
BABA: haaaa!, the gods of my fore fathers, what happend?
gods: you see, while he was on campus, he wagged war against
us and sent us packing. He loosened all the prey we tied, he performed many miracles, he healed the people we made
blind, he healed the sickness we placed on people. And do you
know the worst part?
BABA: gods of my forefathers, I’m listening.
gods: he delivered almost all the young girls that we possessed to sleep with young undergraduates and siphoned their destinies through s-x. So this time, we are going to deal with him severely.
BABA: so what do I do my fathers?
gods: give him “tamotiye” soap
and lotion to use. This will take his God’s eyes away from him
while we take our time to suffer him more afflictions.
BABA: ok gods of my forefathers. Thank you very much. I know
that you will always help me.
FRIENDS: baba, what did the gods said?.
BABA: the gods said he would get a good job within the next 2
months.
PAUL: ***happy**** thank you sir.
BABA: you are welcome my son.
Your friends are my son. So I will do anything fatherly to help you.
PAUL: thank you baba.
BABA: I will give you a soap and a lotion. You should be using the
soap to bath everyday and always apply the lotion after bath. It will make favour locate you whenever you went for any
test or interview. I’m very sure you will be selected and
employed. And watch out, you would be called for miracle job
any moment from now.
PAUL: thank you sir
FRIENDS: thank you baba. Please take this 10,000 and use it to buy kola.
BABA: thank you my son. Baba handed over the “tamotiye”
soap and lotion to paul and they departed from baba.
TBC GOOD MORNING FRIENDS

>>

Beliver [Read it]


Akpos entered a mosque carrying a brand
new cutlass and asked:
"Who is a muslim here?".
The whole mosque went as silent as d
graveyard. Akpos asked again: "How can a
full mosque have no muslim?". No one
replied. Akpos den grabbed the nearby
young man and goes out wit him and told
him, "son come help me kill my goat for i dnt
knw hw to do it". After the young man had
killed the goat, he told Akpos dat he didnt
know how to skin it and dat Akpos should
go
back to the mosque to get someone else to
help him with dat. Akpos
returned to the mosque wit the cutlass
dripping wit blood. When the
IMAM saw this, he immediately shouted: "MY
BROTHERS IN CHRIST
PRAAAISE THE LOOORD!".
The whole mosque responded:
"Halleluyaaah!! !"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-20 16:08:45

795 Views




Like flash of light, they escaped the scene.
After various trial & error, T.C freed himself frm d thorns of cactus. He was now 'born again'(lol). Blood painted him red all over. He headed home in pain.
Come & see how FOOLS were running like mad when he reached d earth of d town, thinking dat it was Abolomo-komo, d cruel sprit!
With much pain, he made it to d palace.
Due to d norm of their town, d palace has only one entrance, one pair of window & lots of chairs, plastic for d king, cushioned one for d entourages. D first person to site him comming sat very close to d entrance, instead for him to alert others or run away, he fainted. Before they could come to his aid, T.C had reached d verandah of d palace!
They all left d man that fainted & headed for d window to escape. There is nothing like seniority here, it a matter of 'run for your life'. Like 8 people pinned themselves to d window, within a twinkle of an eye both d window frame & d wall fell, hitting those running away outside!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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One day in class a teacher asked akpos to spell plantain akpos got up and said"ma,should i spell ripe plantain or unripe or boiled or fried or roasted and the teacher got angry and flogged him mercilessly.when he got home he started crying his aunt asked him what the matter was akpos told his aunt"my teacher asked me to spell plantain and i asked her if i should spell ripe or unripe or fried, before akpos finished narating his aunt fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-08 19:36:15

354 Views



appreciation [Read it]


Hahashaha this is nice


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-28 13:25:38

388 Views




The real way to hit a woman’s G-spot is by putting Rs 5,000 in her purse.Related

3 naked women robbed a bank in broad daylight. No one including the police could not remember their faces. What at all were they looking at? #Hmmmmmmmmm!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-20 15:25:31

993 Views




I have never believed in fairytales, magic, i've always thought some were born with good fortunes while others aint guess am one of those with bad luck...........
Story starts tomorrow #Anticipate.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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U don die. [Read it]


Guy u don die 2day wetin u tell dat fine girl abt me?







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-12 14:41:25

671 Views




Akpos approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
“You know, I came to this supermarket with my wife but i can't find her again.
 Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asked the woman.
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-13 23:11:33

1285 Views




A man entered a bar at night and order 12 bottles of beer.
Akpos was sitting few distances away, observing how the man will be able to finish the drinks.
When the man finised the 8th bottle, sleep carried him.
while he was sleeping, a guy came and picked the wallet he dropped on his table.
After few minutes, the man woke up and continue drinking.
When he finished the 10th bottle, sleep carried him again.
Akpos said to himself "Gbam! this is my turn".
He walked to the man's table and picked his phone.
As he turns to leave, the man said "Hey! stop"
Akpos hearth melted.
The man says angrily "See! A bitch took one bottle of my drink, Any person who tries it again, drops dead"
"Now! Whats that thing you are holding?" asked the man.
Akpos doesn't know what to say.
"I SAID WHATS THAT!!" says the man with hash voice
Akpos replied "Its opener sir!".
The man says "Thank your God, You can now go but Make sure you bring it back"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-26 19:51:52

29162 Views



Who win [Read it]


Mother: Son, who was the first Prime Minister of
Sierra Leone?
Son: I don't know mom.
Mother: (slaps the boy) Sir Milton Margai was the
first Prime Minister of Sierra Leone! Concentrate on
your studies!
Son: (After a while) asked: mom who is Anty Jamila?
Mother: I don't know, son.
Son: (l wish l can slap u mom) Anty Jamila is daddy's
girlfriend. Concentrate on ur marriage!..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-27 13:51:38

356 Views




A New word had just been resently added to d English language and guess what?d word is Buhari which is a verb meaning travelling(to go)eg :I buharied to Enugu last week and currently buharing to asaba and will soon buhari to china next week! Feel free to use d word anywhere and anytime


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-04 13:17:20

437 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

10 billion [Read it]


A man had two children.His children loved him alot . Oneday he mistakely pour urine in his tea. The man became week. So he was a but die before he his children and he that he 10 billion in in in his and he died.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-12 05:35:28

321 Views




There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot.

-PlatoRelated

A stressed man was in his office thinking deeply thinking about his problems.
Suddenly, a man ran inside shouting, "Peter!!
Peter!! Peter!! Your daughter Tonia just had an accident and died." Shocked and confused, he jumped out of The office window. As soon as he jumped, he remembered his office is on the 7th floor, as he descended lower he
remembered he doesn't have a daughter called Tonia. Still descending he remembered he is not even married, and just two floors to the ground, he remembered that his name was not even Peter...so Worrying never solves
anything, and whether you know this or not, stress is one of the main killers of men. Try to live a stress-free life.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-18 20:30:42

170 Views




A boy was in a taxi eating chocolate, then he took another one then a man next to him said "do u know that chocolate will damage your teeth". 


The boy replied "my grandfather lived 132 years". The man asked "was it because of eating chocolate?"


The boy replied "NO he was always minding his own business!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-26 21:34:04

214 Views



stress [Read it]


WHAT IS STRESS?

Stress is when you give a beautiful lady a lift and she faints in your car. You take her to hospital. When you get there the doctor says that she is pregnant and congratulates you that you're going to be a father! You then says u are not the father but even the
lady says u are!

NOW THIS IS GETTING VERY STRESSFUL!

You require a DNA test to prove u are not the father! Now the shit is really getting hotter! When the Doctor comes back with the results and say u cannot be the father as u are infertile! U are relieved! On ur way back u then remember that u are married with 3 kids at home! You are now extremely stressed! And ask yourself

WHO THE HELL IS THEIR FATHER? NOW THAT'S STRESS.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 09:47:45

10926 Views




I rushed out immediately running towards the
gate before i heard my name from a familiar
voice, and it was from the first class wing. I
turned around to see Mirabel, she looked
surprised while i was shocked….
Mirabel: Victor?
Me: Hi Mirabel…
Mirabel: What are u doing here?
Me: Wow what a surprise, U live here? (Trying to
change the topic)
Mirabel: Yea
Me: Woah… Nice environment u got here
Mirabel: Thank U
Me: So… are u going out or something?
Mirabel: No, not at all
Me: I thought u are, u know… seeing u dressed
like this
Mirabel: No I’m not, just felt like taking a walk
Me: I see… Thats good
Mirabel: Yea,,, so your friends live around here?
Me: U know what? how about we take a walk
together?
Mirabel: I’m exhausted already,,, i just came
back before i saw u. Would u like to come in to
my place?
Me: I’d like to,,, but its getting late already U
know, i need to go now. Wait, how did u get my
number and my address?
Mirabel: Okay then, see u tomorrow*Walks
away*
Didn’t she hear my question? I was about to call
her back but i lost my voice, i just walked out,
took a bike headed to my room.
I laid on my bed with so many thoughts running
in my head.
Lola and Cynthia might be dangerous to my new
personality, i mean they almost breach my
decision in abstaining from freestyle s£x. That
was a close call earlier today, i won’t deny the
fact that, those girls were super hot… they got
all the features that every dirty-minded guy
would desire. If i should remember my days
back in secondary school from primary, i
wouldn’t have believed that i could resist such
thing ever. Back when i was the baddest with
my guy Peter aka Nextangel whom i brought into
the game. As at now, if anything should kill
Nextangel, it would be the thing or the path that
he passes through into this world.
I made a fool out of Promise, it wasn’t
intentional na, it was just to save myself from
the temptations of the daughters of eve. So… i’d
explain to her or better still, appease her.
Mirabel, hmmm… I think she’s not happy with
me. I diverted her questions twice ‘coz i don’t
want to lie. I didn’t agree to go into her place
when she offered. I didn’t even know why i
asked her the question about how she got my
number and address, but hey…i need to know
‘coz its a misery to me. Is she doing some
background check on me or what? I remember
when she said that ” Yet people say you’re
cool”. I need to make it up to her.
Those useless friends of mine Titus, Pizzaro and
Frankkay haven’t bring back what they took
from me yet, we shall meet at school tomorrow.
I’ve ate a lot already, so… no need to prepare
another food. But that won’t stop me from
drinking some yoghurt.
?????
The first semester examination is around the
corner, some Lecturers are done with us
remaining just few.
In the absence of no lectures at the moment, i
sat down at a corner reading where there is less
noise.
Promise: Hey!
Me:*Smiling*Hi Promise
Promise: Whats wrong with u?
Me: Nothing really, u look pretty today whats
up? (I know she loves compliments)
Promise: Answer me!
Me: C’mon now u think i’m flattering u right?
Promise: Leave me
Me: U know i don’t say such thing everyday
Promise: I hear u
Me: U look beautiful today
Promise: I said i’ve heard u *Blushing*
Me: I didn’t hear u say ‘Thank U’
Promise: Thank U! Happy now?
Me: Why would i be happy? U should be happy
Promise: Hhmmm…
Me: U know what?
Promise: *Silent*
Me: U know What!
Promise: What!
Me:Smiles
Promise: What na?
Me: Alright, U are my friend and U’re pretty. I’m
thinking of giving U a nick
Promise: Nick kwa!
Me: Yea
Promise: Nick like?
Me: PMS
Promise: Are u joking?
Me: U don’t like it?
Promise: Of course i don’t
Me: Hhmmm, what about ermm… Prom?
Promise: What? Are u kidding me?
Me: U like it?
Promise: Hell no! U want others to be making
fun of me by calling me ‘Prom Queen’ or even
‘Prom night’? No way!!
Me: What about… Prommy?
Promise: U know what?
Me: What?
Promise: Keep your nick, I’m fine with my name
Me: C’mon don’t be like that
Promise: Why won’t i be? Prommy?? Mummy??
Mammy??
Me: Alright forget it
Promise: Yea
Me: Wait a minute..
Promise: What now?!
Me: Would U want me to be calling U ‘Promzy’?
Promise: Hhmmm…
Me: What? U still don’t like it?!
Promise: It actually sounds nice
Me: So…??
Promise: I like it… yea, call me Promzy
Me: Promzy?
Promise: Yea?
We both laughed*
Me: Alright, Promzy it is
Promzy: Yea
We read together for about two hours before
rounding up. Promzy left to go and take care of
something while I went to look for Mirabel. I
spotted her at the Eatery she normally went to. I
don’t want to go in there so I waited for her
around her car.
After many minutes of waiting, next thing i
heard was…
Male Bodyguard: Hey! What are U doing there?
Me: Noth…
Female Bodyguard: Shut up! Show me where U
fixed the bomb now!
Me: What bomb? I’m not a terrorist
Male: Come here!!
He rushed me aggressively about to harm me or
something when…
Mirabel: Whats going on here Frank? Jummy…??
Frank: Miss… Sorry Mirabel, this guy looks
suspicious… we saw him very close to the
vehicle, we’re trying to know what he’s doing.
Mirabel: Haven’t U guys seen him before??
Frank: Yes we have
Jummy: We’ve seen him before ma, but
everyone is a suspect considering the fact that
you’re the pr…
Mirabel: Alright thats enough!!
Jummy: Yes ma
Mirabel: Excuse us
*They step aside*
Mirabel: What do U want Victor?
(Chai! This girl is really mad at me)
Where do i start explaining from?
What do i tell her??
Wait, Why is she even mad at me

To Be Continued... #B-goF

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