Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Church Offering [Read it]

Yesterday, I was sitting in the church, and it was time for offering so the offering basket was passed around. Despite the Pastor's charge for good offering, I still hurriedly and secretly pulled out N50 from my pocket and dropped it. 

Just then, the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a N1,000 note. I smiled, then put d N1,000 majestically in the basket and passed it on. I turned and thanked the man profusely for being so generous. 

He replied, "Don't mention my dear, after all it fell off your pocket." 

I'm still looking for the pastor to collect my money back


2015-01-27 13:49:39


Pregnant Maid [Read it]

The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife:
Wife: Our maid is pregnant.
Akpos: Thats her problem
Wife: Neighbours are talking
Akpos: Thats their problem.
Wife: I am worried
Akpos: Thats your problem
Wife: They say its you
Akpos: Thats my problem..!!!
The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife:
Wife: Our maid is pregnant.
Akpos: Thats her problem
Wife: Neighbours are talking
Akpos: Thats their problem.
Wife: I am worried
Akpos: Thats your problem
Wife: They say its you
Akpos: Thats my problem..!!!The
following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife: Wife: Our
maid is pregnant….Akpos: That’s her problemWife: Neighbours are
talking…Akpos: That’s their problem..Wife: I’m worriedAkpos: That’s your
problemWife: They say it’s yoursAkpos: That’s my problem..!!! - See
more at:

I don’t say I love you to hear it back.
I say it so you don’t forget.Related

the priest [Read it]

A Catholic priest was dying in the hospital so he asked the
doctor to call a Nigerian police officer and a politician. Within a minute the two appeared. He asked them to sit on either side of the bed. The priest hold their hands and kept quite. The guys were so touched and at the same time felt very important for been summoned by a priest in his dying moment. Out of anxiety the politician asked why did you call us?
The priest gathered all his strength and said Jesus died between two thieves so I want to go the same way. The both fainted .


2016-01-24 22:24:30


Akpos enters a church n finds the priest."How
may I help you son?" asks the priest. "Am looking for my wife, she said she would be
here but as I can see she's not around. Now that
am here, I would like to confess". They go to the confession area,"forgive me father
for I have sinned."
"What are your sins my son?" The man replies,
"The other day, I went looking for my wife at her
home but she was not there. I found her sister
alone, I slept with the sister." Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to confess". "Then another day I went looking for her at her
aunt's place but she was not there, I found her
cousin alone, I slept with the cousin".
"You know that is wrong my son". "Then the other day I went looking for her at her
working place. She was not there, I found her
colleague alone,.." The priest interrupts, "Let me guess, you slept with
her colleague?"
"Yes father". There was silence after that.
Father?" Father?" Still silent. Akpos peeps through and finds out that the priest
is no longer there . He looks for him and finds
him hiding."Why are you hiding father?" The priest replies, "I've just realized I'm the only
one here and you came looking for your wife


2017-04-05 19:49:38


Dump Akpos [Read it]

Akpos lived in a village in Warri, Nigeria. None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, “You are driving me crazy Akpos!”

One day Akpos’ mother came to the school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and had never seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career!

The mother was shocked at the feedback, withdrew her son from the school and even moved to another town!

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have an open heart operation, which only one surgeon could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.

When she opened her eyes after the surgery, she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her! She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died!

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong. When he turned around, he saw our friend Akpos, working as a cleaner in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his phone charger!

(Don’t tell me you thought that Akpos became a doctor?)


2015-01-10 06:46:05


Dont Stop [Read it]

Ebube Mother Found Out That Her Daughter[Ebube] Is Pregnant From The Blood Test She Did.When They Got Home,Ebube Mother Said "Ebube,You Are Pregnant Heh,Did I Not Tell You That If A Boy Want To Pull Off Your Shirt,You Should Say "DONT",and If A Boy Want To Pull Down Your Skirt,You Should Say "STOP".Ebube Replied Saying "Mama,He Was Pulling Both The Shirt And Skirt Off And I Told Him That "DONT STOP"..Mama Ebube Fainted


2015-01-23 23:01:43


OSOGBO—Justice Jide Falola of an Osun State High Court sitting in Okuku has sentenced two robbers to death for stealing fowls.

The convicts, Olowookere Segun and Morakinyo Sunday, were found guilty of forcefully breaking into the house of one Mr. Balogun Tope, a police officer attached to Divisional Police headquarters, Okuku, in April 2010 and carting away some of his belongings.

The convicts were charged with conspiracy, robbery and stealing contrary to Section 6(b) and 1(2)(a) of Robbery and Firearm (Special Provisions) Act, cap R 11 Laws of Federation of Nigeria 2004 and Section (390)(1) Criminal Code Law, Cap 34, Laws of Osun State, 2002.

The prosecution team, led by the state Solicitor-General, Mrs Abiola Adewemimo, called six witnesses and tendered several exhibits during the prosecution.

The prosecution told the court that on November 13, 2010, men were sighted around Balogun’s home armed with cutlass and a dane gun, and that while two of them were arrested, others escaped.

The convicts were said to have confessed that they stole the complainant’s fowls, adding that they had been in his house before to steal.

Adewemimo said: “They also stated that they had earlier robbed Alhaja Umani Oyewo in her house and stole broilers, eggs and kegs of vegetable oil from the house.”

In his judgment, Justice Falola convicted them on only three counts: to death for conspiracy; life sentence for robbery, and three years imprisonment for stealing.

Justice Falola recommended that the governor can decide to commute the death sentence to 10 years imprisonment, considering the convicts’ ages.

AWOL [Read it]

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on
board his ship at about
3 am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered
the sailor to stop.
The officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and
sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for
you!" The sailor picked up the broom and started to
sweep the chain. Just then, a tern landed on the broom handle. The
sailor yelled at the
bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern
off the broom
handle, giving the bird a toss. The bird left, only to return and light once again on
the broom handle.
The sailor went through the same routine all over
again, with the same
result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he
could only sweep at the
chain once or twice before the silly bird came back. When morning came, so did the chief petty officer,
to check up on his
wayward sailor. "What on earth have you been doing all night? This
chain is no cleaner
than when you started! What have you to say for
yourself, sailor?"
barked the chief. "Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all
night and couldn't
sweep a link!" #AoN


2015-08-31 13:59:38


April and Class [Read it]

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
The Teacher fainted.


2016-02-20 13:35:28


The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few
trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods.
Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit
into a sand trap.

All the while, he`d noticed that the club professional had been

“What club should I use now?” he asked the pro.

“I don`t know,” the pro replied.

“What game are you playing?”Related

Akpos went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
Akpos collected it and left.
Next day he returns to the doctor and say "Doctor, how do i take this drugs"
The surprised Doctor asked "You mean you didn't take the drug yesterday?"
"Yes" answered Akpos.
"Why" ask doctor.
Akpos smiled and replied "Yesterday was the final game and i won"


2015-09-07 09:44:44


I know that my unity with all people cannot be destroyed by national boundaries and government orders.

~ Leo TolstoyRelated

Words of Wisdom [Read it]

Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater.If you give her a sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.So, if you give her any aggravation, be ready to receive a ton of stuff in return.Related

Superb thought.

For every idiot there is an equal and opposite idiot. They are called husband and wife.Related

The right of election is the very essence of the constitution.


What makes you a Nigerian?
1. You unwrapped all your
gifts carefully, so that you
can reuse the wrapper.
2. You call a person you’ve
never met before uncle or
3. More than 90% of music
CD’s and cassette in your
home are illegal copies.
4. Your garage is always full
of stuff because you never
throw anything away, just
incase you need it someday.
(a gum boot without a
partner and a baby walker –
baby’s now 12 and you are
5. You have a collection of
miniature shampoo bottles
from stays at hotels. ( Go
cool, sweetheart, African
pride…, )
6. You always carry
overweight baggage when
travelling by plane.
7. If a store has a limit on
the quantity of a product,
then each member of the
family will join separate
queues to purchase the
maximum quantity possible
( sugar, soap, rice, cooking
fat etc during the old good
8. All children have annoying
9. Nobody in your family
inform you that they are
coming over for a visit.
( Uncles, Wife, Sis-in-law,
two nephews and a
10. You stuff your pockets
with, mints and toothpicks at
restaurants. Murray mints,
wrappers, and salt shakers!)
11. Your mother has a minor
disagreement with her sister
and does not talk to her for
10 years.
12. You only make telephone
calls at cheap rate at night.
13. You never have less
than20 people to meet at the
airport or see you off even
if it’s a local flight.
14. You keep changing your
internet service provider
because the first month is
15. Office supplies
mysteriously find their way
to your home. (staple
machine, office pins, cello-
tapes, post-it, etc,).
16. When you were young,
your parents bought you
clothes and shoes at least
two sizes too big so that
they would last longer.
pls tell us what make U


2015-10-01 17:26:51


The unpopular girls in movies are always really pretty.Related

Adam and Eve [Read it]

A child asked his father, "How
were people born?" So his father
said, "Adam and Eve made
babies, then their babies became
adults and made babies, and so
on." The child then went to his
mother, asked her the same
question and she told him, "We
were monkeys then we evolved
to become like we are now." The
child ran back to his father and
said, "You lied to me!" His father
replied, "No, your mom was
talking about her side of the


2015-07-05 23:06:14


Education is not a preparation for life; education is life itself.

~ John DeweyRelated

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

– Martin Luther King, Jr.Related

Ankhein khuli ho to chehra tumhara ho,

Aankhein bandh ho to sapna tumhara ho,

Mujhe maut ka dar na hoga,

Agar kafan ki jagah dupatta tumhara ho.Related

in my #dreams [Read it]

I was coming home dis evening after been beaten mercilessly
by d sun, I found a small bag on d ground, I opend it, nd
found $20,000, I was shockd. I took it home, nd wen I
emptied d bag, some documents, ID card, ATM card nd an
Iphone were in d bag. I thought of throwin away d sim nd
kipin d phone also disposing d document nd kip d money. Afta a
long thought, I decided 2 leave tinz as they were, hopn dat d
owner would call. Nt long, a call came tru d iphone, I pickd nd
talked 2 d caller, apparently, it was d owner b'coz he named
evry content of d bag. We met aftawards nd I gave him d
bag. He gave me $2,000 bt I turned it down, he colectd my
number nd I left. yesterday, he called me nd offered me a job
@ Chevron worth#750,000 per month, a 3bedroom flat fully
furnished nd a 2012BMW X6 model. As I was smilin nd testing
d car, my broda jst slapd me nd said "oya oya oya wake up!!
Eba don ready". In these MBER mnths, May our testimonies nt
jst b dreams n may our joy neva b cut off by any man


2014-09-09 23:41:26


bad guy [Read it]

A man nd a woman loved each other and on a fateful day the man wanted to travel and he told his wife that he will like to take condom along for precaution in case he gets tempted on his way out of the house the wife ran to him and said pls honey give me some and said who knows I may also get tempted.


2015-09-24 18:52:34


“Sky whats wrong. . . talk to me” Jessy asked for the 1000th time betraying a lot of curiosity and slight scare.
I lay wearily with my face on the bed and back facing the ceiling and jessy’s hand on my back and her figure seating on the edge of the bed.

“Sky do you now keep secrets from me, what happened between you and aunty?” Jessy’s voice exhibited some unsure tone that made it obvious she was afraid of what ever it is that was happening.

“That woman is a b-----d” I blurted at her with clenched fist, eyes blazing like a wild forest fire.
“Please Jessy leave me alone for now”

The remaining of that Saturday was stale, the house was dull and reeked of grave silence.
I kept to myself, no cracking laughter between i and jessy as usual neither were their any sound of music from the home theater.

Amanda’s flirting glances were left unreturned though this time it was more of a sorry glance than flirting.
Could make out the sorry face she wore made worse by the now seemingly ridiculous make-ups she had on **maybe because no be better eye i take deh look am **

Sunday morning started on a more similar stale manner, Jessy never bothered coming to my room.
Only countless sms and whatsapp messages from Nancy made my day even more miserable than it already was, somehow i blamed her for this happening.

A slight knock on my door jolted me up a bit, skybeauty never knocks on my door.
“Who is that?” I commanded knowing fully well who it should be.
“Its Amanda” She replied at the same time pushing the door open.

Junior sky shouted as Amanda emerged clad only in a mickey mouse T-shirt that stopped just after the base of her a-s with those thighs seemingly even more charming.

“Sky please am sorry” She began trying to look flirting but at the same time pleading in the eyes.
“Please aunty not now, Jessy is at home” I intoned peering suspiciously at the door.

“She has gone to church”
“Please sky don’t go to nsukka i promise i will make it up to you, i regret breaking that phone am sorry please” Her hands was clasped like she was praying.

“I have already told Jessy their is no way am going back on it” i intoned with every air of authority.
**For my mind i was like ‘Choi sky see as e deh beg you like say you be governor**

Amanda left after i made it clear i was going to nsukka with jessy, means this house will be unbearably bleaked for her being alone and bored and i loved the thought of that..

And the fact that Joy came here yesterday after i stormed off my room immediately after the showdown and Amanda chased her away with a slap as jessy put it, made me even more furious and induced more resentment in me towards Amanda.

Papa came home monday morning lighting the mood of the house a bit up with his croaky roaring laughter as he reeled out tales of how a senator farted while they were still with the president and how another couldn’t even sing the national anthem.

“I wonder how those uneducated mallams became senators in this country when learned men like myself is insulted with local government chairmanship” He boasted to Amanda who did well to laugh at those unnecessarily unfunny jokes and even went to the extent of adding “Am sure you will be a senator soon” **Mtcheeeew dreamer**

Jessy and i left for nsukka after papa consented even though he seemed clueless and unsure of my reasons for deciding to go with Jessy but it was clear he needed his privacy with his wife that’s why he didn’t think twice in giving me a go ahead squeezing a rumpled clump of a few thousands nairas into my hands.

Getting to nsukka by 5pm, the whole scenario was suddenly changed to somewhat a bit cooler and unruffled.
Jessy’s lodge was just a stone throw after the school gate outside campus with a gigantic black gate shackled in similar dark red fence.

The compound was a bit tight with 5 separate small houses in similar colours only smeared with a fine touch of white.
Bushy flowers bordered the houses giving them a secluded greenly appearance.

We entered the 3rd house in the row which was Jessy’s, stepping inside i was greeted with a flash of white teeth, a female figure with a beautifully radiant face, decent curves and shapes but lacked slightly in height. she welcomed Jessy with a hug and then turned her attention towards me.

“Hey sky, Its i Chioma” She announced offering her hands for a handshake.

It was obvio she was expecting me ………

..To be continued..


concentrate [Read it]

Mum: Who is d president of USA?
Son: I don't know!
Mum: (slaps son) Its Barrack Obama you idiot, next time concentrate on your studies!
After some time.
Son: Mum, who is aunty Jemila?
Mum: I don't know
Son: I wish I can slap u, aunty jemila is daddy's girlfriend! Next time concentrate on ur marriage!!!


2016-06-08 14:20:48


Good day friends, my name is Precious, and what i give you guys is the story of my life. A story of pain, love and sadness. A story of lost hope, betrayal and death. A true life event that turned my life upside down.

Where do i start?.

I guess i have to start from the major episode, the night that changed my whole life.


I write with Tears

I woke up after my wedding night to see a knife buried in my husband’s chest, our bed sheet soaked with blood.

I couldn’t believe my eyes, i couldn’t believe it was all real. I held my dead husband and looked around.

“no this can’t be happening” i breathed, trying hard to control myself. But it was all real, Damian was cold and still. He was dead for real.

“nooo” i sobbed quietly, wondering what to do, wondering the next step to take.
There was any doubt, i was about experiencing a very terrible twist in my life. Damian was definitely murdered by someone who was so desperate to destroy my happiness. I sat down on the floor while my mind flashed back to how i met my husband.

After Nysc, early the previous year. I came to Abuja to live with my elder brother who was a doctor in one of the city hospitals. He had no problem getting me a good job in a very popular construction company inside the city. Seriously i counted myself as a very lucky girl because i was the first to get a job among all my classmates and friends. I started work in Damian’s office as a secretary and that was when my life took a dramatic turn.

Damian who was my boss, a white and an American citizen quickly took interest in me. He was so sweet and caring but equally a womanizer. Everyone warned me to be careful. My colleagues advised me to be professional when dealing with him and never give in to his demands, which i obeyed. But surprisingly he continued disturbing me, even after turning him down so many times. The more i turned him away, the more bolder he got.
This continued until i finally gave in to him.

We had a very sweet relationship that soon became the talk of the town. As our relationship progressed, i starting getting threats from his old girlfriends both in Nigeria and abroad, but it never stopped me from giving up on him.
Three months into the relationship, he proposed to me and met my people, drawing another shock from everyone, especially the white community.

Our marriage was quickly fixed and i insisted for it to be done in Nigeria because of my family and friends which he accepted without hesitation.

Damian’s mother, family members and friends arrived the country two days to our wedding. I had a very long talk with his mum and cousins who all tried to be nice to me even though the resentment on their faces were noticeable.

The church wedding and reception went very well. Damian really spared no cost in organising the whole show. We planned travelling to Dubai the next day for our honeymoon, which made us spend our first night as husband and wife in his big house where almost all his family members and friends slept.

Anyone of them could have crept into the room as we slept and struck him, but there wasn’t any doubt i would be the major suspect….

“Oh no” i wailed with a loud voice, drawing the attention of everyone in the house. Within minutes, almost every member of the white community was in Damian’s house.
It was as if they were all waiting for such news….

I couldn’t believe i was married only for one night...

>> Part 2 -

Two lunatics, Akpos and Angelina escaped from a psychiatric home. Only few blocks away from the psychiatric home, Akpos asked Angelina...

AKPOS: Where are we heading to?

ANGELINA: To the mansion I inherited from my millionaire parent. Quick, follow me let's go.

Akpos followed Angelina as they hurriedly walk round the street. Not long, they arrived right in front of the gate of the psychiatric home where they earlier escaped from. 

ANGELINA: This is my home. (she said pointing at the building in delight).

AKPOS: Wow! (overwhelmed) This your house is huge and beautiful. It's better than that place we escaped from.

ANGELINA: Yes o. I told you you will love it. Come on let's go inside and meet my family. We will be highly welcomed. Home sweet home. (She said with pride and walked in).

Almost immediately, Akpos sanity button reactivated and he recognized the psychiatric building. Without hesitation, he took to his heels leaving Angelina behind. He ran as fast as he could round the street and ended up at the gate of the psychiatric home yet again. He stopped to catch his breath in relief and murmured, "That Angelina is crazy! What was she thinking trying to take me into a psychiatric home. Thank goodness I'm in front of a hotel. Let me just go in and book a room. I will continue my journey tomorrow."


2015-03-19 20:51:09


I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn’t thank me enough.
But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she
goes fucking nuts! Women, I can’t figure them outRelated


A guy posted on Facebook... "I'm having a party at my house this
Saturday... if you are ugly, don't
come!!!" First comment... "I don't think it's a good idea for you to
throw a party that you won't attend!"


2016-03-31 23:32:20


"Mom,i'm in trouble.The police wants me.They want me.."Sonia wailed between throaty sobs.

"Haven't she had enough? Must she do this?"Adaora kept asking.One could easily conclude she was asking the broadcaster on the t.v

"Mom,what do we do now? I do want the police to catch me.People have seen the announcement already.What do i do?"Sonia asked in despair as if the police were already on their way to get her.
Adaora held Sonia's face and made her look into her eyes.

"Listen to me.Dont be afraid.You are not going to prison.That is a promise i'm making to you.Even if it means me going against my will,I will do it.You have suffered enough under me.I dont think i deserve to be called your mother"Adaora told her,nodding gently,fully prepared to do whatever might be of help to Sonia.Even if it meant revealing her secrets which she knew wont sound good to anybody.

David was kneeling in the church.He had been there for hours.He was tired,worn-out,weak and hungry but there was no piece of appetite in him.The absence of Angela was making him abnormal.He abandoned his work,which was a great risk.He had searched every searchable place for her.No good news seem to have entered his ears from the police.
"We are trying our best"That was all they kept saying.
He made no sound kneeling there in the church all alone but he was crying and praying to God to bring back his wife.

Sonia looked at herself in the mirror,standing infront of it.The brown weavon Adaora fixed on her really disguised her.She looked totally different.
"We are leaving this place immediately to a more secure environment"Adaora said.

It was getting dark.The sun was no longer up in the sky.Pehars,it has gone to give other people somewhere its light.
Angela could hear the sounds of nocturnal insects and animals.The two guards were there as usual,making sure the place was guarded.She had begged them to have mercy on her,telling them she would give them whatever they wanted if they let her go but not even a single word war heard from them,which left her wondering if they were still there,as she was blindfolded.
She soon felt a hand around the back of her head and shook her head in retaliation,hitting the hand with her head.

"Don't let me smack your head"She heard the angry voice of one of the guards,who brought his hands back to untie the cloth tied around her eyes.
Some drop of tears fell from Angela's eyes as the blindfold was removed.The ropes on his hands and legs were also untied.
She lifted up her face and present were the old 'dibia' and Ebere with the two guards.

"The gods are ready to accept your blood and the sacrifice must be made before dawn tomorrow.So,we have come to prepare you for the sacrifice"He said,dipped hand into his animal skin bag and brought out a white chalk which he circled round her eyes.Angela wanted to say something to Ebere but she was too weak to do so.
After circling her eyes to his satifaction,he brought out a white gown and gave it to Ebere.

"Take off all her clothes and make her wear that white.Not even her inner wears should be on.That is what the gods demanded.If she refuses to let you do it,then the guards will have to do it with all pleasure"He instructed,making some incantations.

Ebere looked at the white gown in her hand and looked at Angela.From,Angela to the two guards and back to the white gown in his hand.

"Look away,you two"She told the guards who obeyed and turned away their faces.
She dropped the gown on the ground and removed Angela's top and her brassiers.She pulled off her skirts and her innerwears and then,rolled the gown on her.Angela expressed no fear while she did all that.She uttered no word to them.
"Make sure you forgive Sonia in your heart before you die because i made her do what she did.She killed somebody and i caught her.I have a very good proof and so,i told her about it and told her what she must do for me so that i do not expose her.And she did it.Yes,i personally brought her to you because i wanted to use her to have my revenge on you"Ebere whispered into her ear,leaving her more suprised than she was.

"We are coming back by the early hours of the morning for the sacrifice",the 'dibia' said and turned to the guards "make sure she doesnt escape.If she does,you will be used for the sacrifice"

The guards tied her hands and legs again but this time,by the order of the 'dibia' which he claimed came from the gods,her eyes were spared.
Angela could see Ebere smiling as she followed the old 'dibia' out of the place.
Angela looked at the guards,there weren't the type that hears or understands words as please,have mercy or i beg.
She looked up to heaven,allowing the stream of tears to run down her cheeks.
She remembered her parents and David.
"If i die,oh lord,take care of my husband.Give him the strength to move on"
She laid down softly,praying dawn never comes


Boy: Motivate Kar.

Girl: Kisko?

Boy: Kisko nahi, Kiska?

Girl: Kiska?

Boy: Mera. Aa raha hun 30 mins main. Moti wait kar!Related


I know this story is meant to be about every single angel.but if I start telling you about every single angle in heaven it will take forever.it might get up to ages and thousands of millions of years before I can explain about all of us up here.so I will just tell you about myself and tell you all about what I went through and how I look like.plus where I am writing this story from.I am amongst one of the angels that fought battles in darkness(night,evil corners) and in light (day time).
My name is AME a female angel.I was one of the lower ranked angels when I was first made.i had to fight and try as much as possible before i got higher in rank.......(AME talking)we are military so we go for war and get higher rank and powers.but its not only worrier angels that get ranking.ministry angels do get ranking too and others too............getting a rank is not easy.you have to fight with a beast that you are not stranger than in some cases.some may even be bigger than you but you have to try your best to defeat them.and when you do.your rank will increase.anytime an angel is ranked its wings increase in size so does the angel and its sword becomes bigger.ln fact we grow bigger in size anytime we are ranked(get higher post or sit)
A day came and i heard my name from THE FIRST HEAVEN.i knew it was GOD'S voice......(AME)i knew it was my the LORD that called me.we angels knows when GOD talks......."AME! AME! GOTO THE FORTH DIMENSION.THERE SHALL THOU SEE THOU MISSION"......(AME)I clearly understood what HE meant....i took off from where i was to go to the forth dimension.that was how My first mission began.
But inside me I began to wonder why he choose me for this mission when clearly there are so many archangels who could do better than me in this mission.that was when I came to the understanding that it was my time to get ranked.
let me tell you guys what I was really sent to do.i was went to go and cage a demon which was smaller than me but it was surely powerful. its name was "hike".it was one of the fallen angels that fell in the time of the first war in heaven.he was in the forth dimension where different type of beast and demons rule and from there they control different people and places on earth."hike" was unleashing his smaller beast to go and destroy a man's future because the man refuse to continue serving him............(AME talking)after the fallen angels fall out of heaven they were striped of there light and wings. because of the speed at which they fell.the white cloth which they wore was burnt so was there wings as they fell and the glory they had on them was lost.they fell to different places of the world and other dimensions. they landed so hard that it made the skin,faces,sharp,size change."hike" was one of them and he was one of the angels who supported the devil the most in his doings of dethroning GOD."hike" wasn't his name before it was "ekih" but due to the what he did his name changed.he was a messager angel,but now he is one of the destroyer of human and nature.he has done so many evil and now was his time to be locked up in the "PIT OF HELL......(AME)the devil told "hike" to destroy the man's life totally which "hike" accepted."hike" has done so many devilish things but he crossed the line by accepting the devil's offer to destroy men that are loved by GOD........he was also about to destroy a man who GOD loves very much and GOD was not going to allow that happen.the man was a man who GOD wanted to use and win souls for HEAVEN.
I went to the world of dimensions to get "hike" in his wicked kingdom.as I flu pass the 1 and 2 dimension I saw other monsters that i have never seen.I didn't fear because I knew that they were fallen angels but I never knew that they could look so dark evil and soulless.I could have fought them if I wanted to but I had no business with them because I was on a mission to get "hike". I am sure that their time will soon come to an end because they all will be put in the "Bottomless Pit Soon". when I got to the third dimension an unknown little creature blocked my path.it has the face of a snake,its teeth was of that of a purana fish,its ears of a wild pig.its eye were like that of a zebra skin.its hand were of that of a bird's claws.from it's waist down was like that of a fly.
The creature:how dare you come to this dimension.you have no right to be here.
AME: I am not here for you,let me pass and be on my way to the fourth dimension.
The creature:you shall not pass here.go back to your master and tell him you failed....."hahahahahaha" the creature laughed..........(AME talking) We angels hate it when demons or monsters or beast talk to us in that format.especially when they say "go back to your master and tell him you have fail".we are angels of war.we don't back down and we always obey the last command of GOD no matter what it takes or what we face............I became infuriated when I saw it laughing.
AME:how dare you talk to me like that.I am an ANGEL of the LORD.now let me warn you again.clear off my part.
The creature:what if I do.will thou strike me with thou sword?.it said with its hand adjusting for a fight with me and its teeth were sit for attacking me.
AME:I shall pull thou to the darkest dimension of no return.
The beast screened like an evil bird.then I knew it was time for a battle with a beast.i pulled out my Golden sword from my back and placed it across my face with an eye looking at it............ to be continue ....... story by DINDY


One evening last week, my
wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to
heat up, and she eventually
says, "I don't feel like it, I just
want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT?!! What was
that?!" So she says the words that
every husband on the planet
dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with
my emotional needs as a
woman enough for me to
satisfy your physical needs as a
man." She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am
and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was
going to happen that night, I
went to sleep. The very next day I opted to
take the day off of work to
spend time with her. We went
out to a nice lunch and then
went shopping at a big
department store. I walked around with her while she tried
on several different very
expensive outfits. She couldn't
decide which one to take, so I
told her we'd just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes,
so I said, "Lets get a pair for
each outfit." We went on to the jewellery
department where she picked
out a pair of diamond earrings.
She was so excited. She must
have thought I was one wave
short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me
because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop
when I said, "That's fine,
honey." She was so excited. Smiling with anticipation, she
finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself
when I blurted out, "No honey,
I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely
blank as her jaw dropped,
"WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want
you to HOLD this stuff for a
while. You're just not in touch
with my financial needs as a
man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look
like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why can't you just love
me for who I am and not for
the things I buy you?"


2015-12-27 08:42:12


Dog Bite [Read it]

An old man was bitten by a
dog. After several weeks, he
became violently ill. The doctor examined him and
said, "You have been bitten by
a rabid dog and you are dying
of hydrophobia. The end will
come soon. There is nothing I
can do for you now, in fact anybody you bite now will also
die of the terrible disease." The old man asked for a pencil
and paper and spend several
hours thinking and writing. The doctor finally broke the
silence, "You are certainly
making a lengthy will. I'm not
making my will replied the old
man. I'm making out a list of
the people I'm going to bite."


2015-09-17 01:16:47


Carefully open a small bag of chips by pulling apart the top, then remove the wafers. Replace them with some other type of chip, or fake cardboard “chips.” Then glue the top back and offer them to your victim.Related

Pastor Akpos [Read it]

Akpos, pastor, goes to a clinic to buy a pack of condoms.
The attendant tells him to wait and enters the inner room to get it.
As the pastor Akpos waited for his condoms, one of his members comes to buy drugs and greets him, “Pastor, good evening.”
“Good evening Brother Michael. How are you?” the Pastor Akpos replies.
As they were exchanging pleasantries, the attendant comes back with the pack of condoms and gives it to Akpos.
The member opens his eyes in shock and shouts, “Pastor!!!”
Embarrassed, Pastor Akpos shouts, “JESUS CHRIST!!! WHAT IS THIS I said COMBATRINE!!
Akpos, pastor, goes to a clinic to buy a pack of condoms.

The attendant tells him to wait and enters the inner room to get it.

As the pastor Akpos waited for his condoms, one of his members comes to buy drugs and greets him, “Pastor, good evening.”

“Good evening Brother Michael. How are you?” the Pastor Akpos replies.

As they were exchanging pleasantries, the attendant comes back with the pack of condoms and gives it to Akpos.

The member opens his eyes in shock and shouts, “Pastor!!!”

Embarrassed, Pastor Akpos shouts, “JESUS CHRIST!!! WHAT IS THIS I
said COMBATRINE!! - See more at:

Before marriage – She expects.

After marriage – She suspects.

After death – She respects.Related

9ja babes be like ''God bless the man behind my smile'' but they can't mention the man's name coz na like 24 men behind their smile. #There'sGodOh!!


2015-10-03 00:02:28


May a shining angel stand beside your silky bed, calling your nice name so softly, throw flowers on you and say Good Night and Sweet Dreams!Related
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