Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


A man ran 2 a police station shouting dat there is a bomb at his garden...
man: officer pls help me there is a bomb in my garden now ask we speak.
police man: don't worry sir if nobody comes 2 claim it by 2moro,u can keep it 4 ur self.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-06 08:34:15

470 Views



Who get Mouth [Read it]


Argument of the day.
Wikipedia : I know everything.
Google. : I have everything.
Facebook. : I know everybody.
Internet : Without me, you are all nothing.
NEPA: Keep talking …we shall see.
GEN: don't worry am there for them
FUEL: U say wettin? ??
??????
Who get mouth pass


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-22 15:56:45

308 Views




Paul got to lagos, he stayed with his friends who were working with big firms and were living
together. One of his friends earns 120k while the other earns
135k respectively. Paul thought he could get job as soon as
possible, but he doesn’t go beyond aptitude test level ever since he had been applying for
job in lagos. 6 months went by and paul hadn’t gotten any job.
His two friends tried to fix him in their different workplaces but it still doesn’t work out. Paul
continued praying and hoping on God for a job but each time he prayed, he always heard a silent voice saying “wait!!!!, the
appointed time is near”. He was
convinced in his heart that soonest, he would get a job.
18months went by, paul was still in lagos without getting any job.
He decided to increased the duration of his fasts and prayers.
He even went to the mountain to pray but he was still given the
same word of “wait!!!!, the appointed time is near. Paul’s friends were getting fed up of feeding him with their salary for over a year. One of them
suggested that they should take paul to the baba that always
assist them whenever they have spiritual problems or any
problem, paul was angry on hearing this “whaaaaaat , a whole me? Servant of the most high God?, follow you guys to an
herbalist?, Never!!!!” Paul yelled at them and walk away into his room.
The friends were beginning to be tired of paul. One of them
vowed never to drop a single kobo for paul again since he isn’t
ready to help himself. The other friend went inside the room to
meet paul and talk to him.
“Paul, you see, this man gave us divine favour soap that we used to bath and it helped us in getting jobs in time. We aren’t telling you to do rituals, neither are we telling you to offer or carry any sacrifice, we understand how religious crazy you are. But God doesn’t go against assistance, don’t you hear
the general saying of *heaven help those who help themselves?
*, see let me tell you, we also attend churches and at the same time, we meet prophets to assist us in reaching to God faster, and that is why we wanted you to
follow us to meet this man. He is going to help you ……….bla….bla….bla.” The other friend continued convincing paul but at the end of everything, paul
rejected the idea.
The following week, the other friend who vowed not to drop a
kobo fulfilled his vow, he would spend a lot outside, branched at
eateries to eat and only comes home to sleep. The other friend
began to complain of been the only one to provide for the house. Paul was getting hurt
inside of him as his previous good friends are suddenly turning against him.
Weeks later, the other friend also stopped providing for the home and paul was left alone to survive
on his own. He decided to walk
across the street one day and he saw vacancy for a sales boy at a provision shop. He decided to
apply for it just to have a means of income. The shop owner told paul that she would be paying
5,000naira and he agreed without hesitating. On getting
home, he told his friends that he had gotten a small job, they asked about it and he told them
everything. They both laughed and mocked him. “So you prefer
5k compared to the 135k and 120k we both earn respectively?”
One of his friends said while mocking him. “Won’t you rather
follow us to somewhere where
you would be assisted and get favour”?. The other said. Paul felt
sad and walked away.
Paul started his sales boy job and still continued hoping on God for a turnaround. He was tired of
praying alone and he decided to visit the pastor of the church he attends in lagos for prayers. The pastor said the same thing to
him that his appointed time is
near. If only he could be patient on God. After 6months of
working as a sales boy, he had faced enough insults and
humiliation from his employer. At home also, his friends weren’t contributing. They both eat outside and only comes home to sleep. And paul isn’t ready to leave lagos and return to his
parents. He just had this belief that he would get a nice job in lagos.
After 3years and 8months of staying in lagos, paul sat down
and began to think. He envied the luxurious lifestyle his friends
were living. He wish he could have a 6 digit salary job and ride cars like his friends, but he isn’t
ready to meet any baba for help.
“Me?, baba?, never!!!, I will never compromise my God” paul said in his heart.
At shop in the following week,
paul’s employer had went out and mini thieves came to steal
items worth 60,000 in the shop while they were buying things.
Paul was unaware until his employer returned and find out
that goods were missing. He was
seriously cursed and insulted by his employer who doesn’t
believed that the shop was robbed. She believed paul sold
the goods and kept the money.
Paul was slapped , arrested and sacked from the shop........#B-goF
Tbc

>>

A thought provoking testimony by Benny Hinn. The end times are near and I think its good to remind each other/ourselves of our personal relationship with God. Its never about how popular, how beautiful, how wealthy, how many friends, etc, but it should be all about how much you desire a relationship with Him! Read on & I pray you will be ministered to.

"BENNY HINN'S TESTIMONY A MUST TO READ BY EVERY CHRISTIAN & SERVANT OF GOD IN THE MINISTRY"

"THE GOD OF A SECOND CHANCE " a Testimony of Pastor Benny Hinn on his tour to South Africa in April 2016.
Please pay attention to his detailed testimony. He says in 2015 he had heart attack and was taken to the hospital for heart surgery and while in the hospital he had a dream and in that dream he found himself in a long queue at the gate of heaven and everyone was dressed in white garment. At the gate was Jesus dressed in a shiny sparkling white garment different from everyone and beside him Pastor Benny Hinn saw a woman that was playing a piano. Jesus would nod his head in signal as to whether a person was accepted or denied to enter. If it was a yes, the pianist would play glorious melodies and the glory was overwhelming and the gates would automatically open but if it was a denial the pianist would play horrible melodies and demons would come to take the person away to hell. He says, out of the whole queue only 20 percent entered but 80 percent were denied. They were all Christians and full of pastors but only 20 percent entered. He says everyone was trembling as they were waiting on the que. He says eventually Pastor Benny Hinn's turn came and the pianist knew Pastor Benny and smiled at him in admiration of his record amongst the people on earth but when Jesus looked at Benny Hinn, his look could tell that he was not impressed with Pastor Benny Hinn, and Pastor Hinn says his trembling and fear had increased knowing that he would not be able to make it through that gate and when Jesus was about to make his decision, then he woke up and God said to him "Don't blow up this time, this is your second chance" Pastor Benny Hinn then explained something that every long serving christian need to take note of. He said all through his ministry he had two ministry duties, one was to serve the people with his gift that God has given him ie preaching and performing miracles and the other ministry was his personal walk with God ie. his fellowship with God on everyday basis. He says but from 2010 as he passed through a divorce his relationship with God became dead and God was far away. He says through the divorce he lost about 7 million dollars and his house and his relationship with God was gone totally. The amazing thing is that he says when he knew that he is no longer with God thus when he saw many miracles in his ministry. He says that, because he is a great pretender so he pretended before the people as if he is with God and yet he was not.(remember the gifts of God are without repentance that is to say whether you are with God or not the gift will still work, but to enter the gate of heaven it will be your relationship with God ie your right standing with God through Jesus Christ) " As to pretence, it is not only Pastor Benny Hinn but any long serving christian becomes used to the things of God and eventually pretence becomes his everyday walk before the people and one minds more of the degree and opinion that the crowds hold on him than what God says" pastor Benny Hinn now condemns the selling of anointing oils and holy waters and any thing of God that today pastors sell in churches to make money. He says since God has given him a second chance his focus is no longer on the crowds and their opinions but on his personal relationship with God so that he may enter that gate. The question is if Pastor Benny Hinn was trembling and sweating at the gate in fear that he would not make it, what about you when you will face the gate. If we think because of our long serving in the church, or preaching, or works or miracle performance, I think he has out done most of us and yet God's acceptance at the gate is not based on these. "Phil 2:12 Wherefore, my beloved, as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling." God has not given Pastor Benny Hinn alone this second chance but the whole body of christ world wide to walk home into his arms through his grace and mercy before the door closes which is very shortly. God has used Pastor Benny Hinn in this case because of his influence and the public opinion that people have on him and of how much an individual would then realise of his short fall before that gate. Its time to seek repentance before God, its time to drop down titles given by men in search for God's mercy that enables one to enter through that gate.
Share this message to your beloved.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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# STOP FOOLING YOURSELF#

Olumide grew up in Ogun state. He went to law school in London. After his studies he decided to come back to Ogun, because he could be a big man in
Ogun. So he opened his new law office. The first day, he saw a man coming up to his office & decided to make a big impression. As the man came to
the door; He pretended to be on d land- line phone & told d man to take a seat. Olumide said while on the phone: ___"No. Absolutely not! U tell those clowns in New York dat am not traveling all d way dat side to settle d case for less than a million bucks". "Yes! D Appeal Court has agreed to hear d case next week. l will b handling d primary argument & d other members of my team will provide support. "Okay. Alryt....Give d State Prosecutor my regards and.......Olumide smiled" D visitor sat patiently as he rattled instructions. Finally, Olumide put down the telephone & said: "I'm sorry for d delay, but as u can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for u?"
The man said: "I am from NITEL and I've come to connect ur land phone because it is not working Sir.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-04 11:55:33

504 Views




Akpors’ dad told him that this was the last JAMB
that he was going to have him registered for,
because he had sat for the last 7 without any
meaningful result. Akpors got to the venue of the
exam and sat beside a very beautiful girl, who
was also a ‘mercenary’ within 5 minutes answers
had entered her phone, she told Akpors “don’t
worry, we’ll use them together”. Within 30
minutes she was through and gave Akpors to
copy. As a sharp Warri boy, it took Akpors only 15
minutes to copy. After they both submitted and
went outside, they started gisting and Akpors said
“Thank you very much, please what is your name
sef”? She replied, Lilian! Akpors said, “Nice name,
i’m Akpors”. She said “Cool,so Akpors why do you
want to study Medicine”? Akpors replied, “No
o,it’s Theatre Arts i want to study o”. She said,
“Ha,but the answers i gave you are for Medicine
o”. Akpors said, “My courses are Literature, C.R.S,
History and English”. She said, “The answers i
gave you are for Maths, Physics, Biology and
English”.
Akpors fainted!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-04 11:07:36

446 Views



MUMU!!!! [Read it]



A guy was formin to chat me up so
Sent dis to him DM
ME: 370HSSV 0773H n d mumu
replied
him: awwwn baby am fine n u?
**should i tell him to turn his phone
upside down den read d message



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-10 19:43:57

348 Views




Ghanamanisms!!! ! THESE ARE THE CLASSES OF LADIES WE HAVE IN
GHANA...
1. A girl that asks you for money all the time is called
Ghana Commercial Bank
2. A girl that calls you for food always is called
Agricultural Development Bank. 3. A girl that uses your money to take care of other
family members is called National
Investment Bank.
4. A girl that prefer to have sex after marriage is
Social Security Bank.
5. A girl that is very faithful to you is Fidelity Bank 6. A girl that gives it to every available man is Access
Bank
7. A girl that dates men from different countries is
Intercontinenta l Bank 8. A girl that is too small for sex is called Micro Finance
9. A girl that just broke her Virginity with a man is
called First National Bank
10. A girl that has the ability to syphon all your cash is
called Energy Bank.
11. A girl that makes you feel very accepted and loved is called Royal Bank
Now ladie







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 17:32:09

566 Views




Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glowRelated

Akpos WAEC result is Finally Out.
The following conversation ensued between he and his father:

Papa Akpos: Akpos,I learnt your WAEC result is out.

Akpos: Daddy, you remember Arthur who used to
emerge first in our class at the end of every term ?
he failed. .

Papa Akpos: That's terrible,what happened?

Akpors: You also remember Izzy who used to tutor me in the house?
He failed too. .

Papa Akpos: what's with the poor performance?

Akpos: They there nah!
Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell Science and Maths competition  failed.

Papa Akpos: Jesuuusss! so how was your own result?

Akpos : You also remember Osas our senior prefect? He failed too.

Papa Akpors: (Angrily)Hey O Boy, tell me about your own result!!

Akpos : (Angrily) If all those people failed,
do you expect me to pass? I be winch? OR I be wizard?


Akpos’ WAEC result is Finally Out. The following conversation ensued between he and his father:
Papa Akpos: Akpos,I learnt your WAEC result is out.

Akpos: Daddy, you remember Arthur who used to emerge first in our class at the end of every term ? he failed. .

Papa Akpos: That’s terrible,what happened?
Akpors: You also remember Izzy who used to tutor me in the house? He failed too

Papa Akpos: what’s with the poor performance?

Akpos: Daddy I don’t know. That’s how it is.

Even Kelvin who won the Cowbell Science and Maths competition  failed.

Papa Akpos: so how was your own result?

Akpos : You also remember Osas our senior prefect? He failed too.

Papa Akpors: (Angrily) Boy, tell me about your own result!!

Akpos : (angrily) If all those people

failed, do you expect me to pass? Am I a wizard?
- See more at:

Piyo to itni piyo Ki Saala, GUM tak tumse puche,



Aree bhai konsi RUM hai ye. .Related

White kid: Shut up Dad!
Dad: (keeps quite)
..
Nigeria kid: Shut up Dad!
*Kid was up asking*
Where am i
Doctor: You are in Surulere Hospital for
6 days with 16 drips
Try And Die


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-11-19 21:56:41

183 Views




Teacher: Today, we'll talk about question tags. Here are examples:
1. She is coming, isn't she?
2. They have eaten, haven't they?
Now, who can give me another example?
Abu: Sir! Na Yam we go chop today, chopn't we?
Teacher: What kind of sentence is that, please who can help correct him?
Akpos: Sir! Na yam we go chop today, yamn't we?
Teacher: You guys must be stupid! Must you joke with everything? Óyá, Emmanuella! I know you're brilliant. Give us an example.
Emmanuella: Na motor go kill our teacher, killn't him?
Teacher: Na motor go kill your papa, papan't u?
You are now laughing.
Happy Weekend My People


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 14:41:28

486 Views




Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

Let’s worship Goddess Saraswati to attain enlightenment through knowledge and rid ourselves of lethargy, sluggishness and ignorance.

Happy Basant Panchami!Related

Be sincere [Read it]


who will u Slap if GOD ask u To be sincere
1 Commissioner of Police
2 Militant
3 Ordinary Police
4 Nepa Man
5 MTN OR GLO operators
6 GOVERNMENT
7 Landlord/Landlady
8 Ur Oga
9 Uncle
10 DEVIL

A BIG THANKS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO MADE MY DAY A MEMORABLE ONE ESPECIALLY THE CEO OF NAIRAJOKES ENGR KASIEZE,THANKS FOR ALL D LOVE YOU HV SHOWED ME ALL DIS YRS. ....THANKS A LOT. ...I APPRECIATE


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-05 19:35:25

384 Views




Continues..
We all went inside. Thank God that my house was big enough for them except for the rooms which made the boys stayed in the duplex since they insisted they can not be separated.
That night as I came out of my room to go meet preston in his meeting with the rest, I saw melissa in fury..
Me: melissa whats wrong?
Melissa: I swear to God I will so kill preston that he will beg for death but see none.
Me: funny what again this time?
Melissashowing me two of her favourite clothes her father gave to her before his death. Presley had use a sharp object to design P and M on the two shirts)
Me: wow that harsh.
I walked past her and she followed me. I got to meet preston who smiled at me and adjusted for me to sit. I sat on a stool it was a very low stool. I rested my head on his chest…
Preston: this is my girlfriend milly and milly these are members of the confraternities. Like I told you its not only the P.P and B.B. Those wearing red throughout are also called the B.B MEANING BLOOD BROTHERS, the ones wearing white throughout are called L.L MEANING LEGAL LORDS. And the ones wearing yellow and black are called U.U MEANING UNIQUE UNIT.
Me: wow I like the names and dresscodes. Nice knowing all of you.
Shadow(member of B.B): the pleasure is ours
Smith(member of L.L): we have heard news about the way brenden has been dying to have you.
Me: but he didnt succeed just forget about it(closing the topic)
Smith was just about to say something when we heard a loud shout. We turned to look it was melissa.
Melissa: pressssslllllleeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy
Preston: you and this girl. What again this time?
Presley: please leave her alone. Its madness time for her
Me: but presley how can you do that to her clothes. Those clothes were her favourites. Her late father gave them to her. You designed P and M in it. You are the P now who own the M in it? Melissa or miranda?
Presley: its okay I can’t think straight
Me: why will you think straight when you are acting like a woman do women think straight?
Melissa sighted presley and came to him.
Melissa: (breathing) oh! There you are. You little teeny tiny fool. Now explain these shirts you designed.
Presley: look Melissa I dont have time for this mama iyabo and papa iyabo type of quarrel.
Melissa: whats mama iyabo and paba iyabo? Well I am not talking about that I am talking about my clothes(dont forget she’s foreign)
Presley: please leave me alone
Melissa: really? You just watch me leave you alone
She dragged him from the shade we were into the pool. The B.B, L.L, and U.U stood up at once and looked angrily at her.
Melissa:what! What’s the look? We are both now even.
Smith: I hope you know presley dont know how to swim and he is already in there for two minutes?
Presley was also struggling in the pool.
Melissa:then why dont you go inside and bring him out? (going to the main house)
Smith:remember you threw him in yourself. If he dies will your kalag be able to take that?
Melissa: whats kalag?
smith: it’s a confraternity language it means conscience.
As she heard it she froze, and flipped from the ground and twice in the air and landed in the pool exactly the position presley was and she brought him out.
The confras were surprised. She placed him on the tiled floor and started pressing his chest to bring out the water he drank in the pool. The chest pumping wasnt working either so she decided to give him the mouth to mouth technique…
To be continued..


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[b][color=blue]EPISODE 31[/color]

The day seems to be going awkwardly 'coz I feel very much uncomfortable seating with this girls especially Lola. She kept winking at me on any chance she get. She sometimes throw me an annoying kiss that really got me irritated.

Cynthia: What's on fire Mirabel? Its taking quite long I'm really starving.

Mirabel: Don't even think about it. I'm cooking for my boyfriend.

Lola: Make we hear word jare! Na only U get boyfriend? Bring food abegi

Mirabel: If I burst your head eh... no try me o

Lola: See who wan burst person head.  This bunger fish I go pieces u like paper give your boyfriend.

Cynthia came back from the kitchen with a plate of food in her hand. She's been in the kitchen during the argument. On seeing her, Lola rushed towards the kitchen while Mirabel ran after her. Lola came back after 4 minutes with a plate of food. Mirabel later came back with a tray of food containing beans and plantain with hollandia yoghurt for me and her. We ate while they gist.

??? ??? ??? ???

That same day, after eating. I was left alone with Mirabel as Cynthia stylishly dragged Lola out.

There we got to know more about ourselves by questions and answers.

Me: So how long have u been friends with Cynthia and Lola?

Mirabel: Since when we were young. Their father and my father have been friends for a very long time. Even before I was born. That's how we became friends. Cynthia's father is now a minister under my father. That's errmm.... minister of transport. While Lola's father is the speaker in the house of assembly.

Me: Woah... that's great

Mirabel: That's how it is

Me: Yea,,, Ok how was your life like during your childhood?

Mirabel: Uhmmm not that bad... buh I wasn't that happy

Me: Why?

Mirabel: I don't have freedom. I lack the freedom of doing what I want. I couldn't even make my own decisions. If not for the fact that Lola and Cynthia's fathers are my dad's good friends ... I wouldn't have had any friends at all.

Me: Serious?

Mirabel: Yea. I was so restricted in activities that every kid would love to do. My Mom and Dad wouldn't let me. Most especially my Mom 'coz my Dad was always traveling from one business trip to another. My Dad only provides the money while my Mom took charge of the house.

Me: Woah...

Mirabel: I so much envied Cynthia and Lola back then, 'coz they always get what they want especially Lola. If Lola don't have what she wants is like she's going to die. And you know no one wants to die,,,, so she'll do anything to get what she want. She could even go as far as threatening her parents and go extra miles.

Me: Really?

Mirabel: Yea! It was even from her that I got the nerve to convince my parents to let me school here. My siblings all school abroad. My parents were so proud of me as i chose to study here. They now trust me more than ever and even respect my decisions.

Me: Lola must be very tough

Mirabel: Yea she is. But she only go crazy when she's desperate...  normally,,, she's really cool and fun to be with.

Me: Oh is that so...?

Mirabel: Yeap

Me: U said that u envied them back then,,, what about now?

Mirabel: Well,,, I'm used to how my parents raised me. I don't like going out especially at night. I also don't like making friends 'coz of the influence and for my safety as the president's daughter.

Me: Hhmmm... I'm impressed

Mirabel: I got to understand why my parents was like that. I realized that, it was the best for me. I didn't want to disappoint them or betray their trust that was why I chose to study here at home so they'd keep their eye on me. That's why I got bodyguards

Me: You are really smart sweetheart,,, I love your lifestyle.

Mirabel: Thanks honey... I'm soooo happy about my life and everyone involve in it.... even u my love

Me: I love u

Mirabel: I love u too

**We kissed**

Me: Now tell me, how do u feel being the president's daughter?

Mirabel: Well, seriously i really dunno. I dunno about politics and i don't care about it or maybe not yet.
People don't really know me as the president's daughter only few does. I love my dad and my mom for who they are. I sometimes forget that my father is actually the president. But I get proud of him whenever i remembered.

Me: Okay... tell me about your personal life

Mirabel: Like?

Me: Ever had a boyfriend?

Mirabel: Yea,,, heartbreaks... don't wanna talk about it

Chai! Heartbreaks na plural oh... seems she's not even a virgin.

Me: But I want to know more about u and your past life

Mirabel: It's really not important Victor,,, lets not talk about it pleaseeee?

Me: Its okay if u don't want to. Its not like i'm going to force u.

Mirabel: Don't be like that honey. Are u mad at me?

Me: I don't need to be mad at u... its ok if u don't want to talk about it

Mirabel: I'm not convinced that you're ok with it

Me: What else do u want me to do?

Mirabel: Alright fine,,, I will u.

Me: No need,,, just forget about it **iffa hear**

Mirabel: Its ok sweetheart i'm fine with it now.

Me: Ok o... if u say so. But its still fine by me if u don't want to

Mirabel: I want to,,, I will tell u everything

Me: Ok go ahead I'm all hears

Mirabel: Uhhmmm... lemme start like this. I first had a boyfriend when I was in jss 2. His name was Amos my classmate. He broke up with me 'coz I refused to have s£x with him which I don't want to do. He then left me for another girl. That was my first heartbreak. I cried for weeks.

My second boyfriend was Wale. We started dating when I was in ss 1. I broke up with him 'coz he cheated on me with Lola on the day of my sixteenth birthday. I was even ready and happy to give him my pride that night.

Me: U caught them having s£x?

Mirabel: I caught them kissing and romancing. They were even moaning geez! So disgusting

Me: But ermmm....

Mirabel: Why I'm still friends with Lola?

Me: Yea, and u didn't forgive the guy

Mirabel: Lola begged me for days before I finally forgave her. She is my best friend and I also see her as a sister. Wale protest to explain everything but there was nothing there to explain after I caught him red-handed. I couldn't trust him anymore that's why I had to forget about him and moved on.

Me: Hhmmm...

Maybe it was Lola that seduced him oh... Chai! All what I've been hearing is really scaring me. So,,, she would break up with me if she see Lola and I? Without explaining??

Mirabel: I got into a relationship with Marcus after wooing me for months. I gave him a chance when he wouldn't give up and I later fell in love with him. He was really madly in love with me. I avoided him, embarrassed him, insulted him and all. But he didn't give up on me. Our relationship was very short. He left after two weeks of our official relationship. His father forced him against his will to study in the U.K

Me: U mean u guys didn't break up officially?

Mirabel: Yea,,, I didn't hear from him ever since he left. Its clear that its over right?

Me: U should've break up with him na

Mirabel: Yeah... but I didn't get to communicate with him.

Me: Hhmmm.... what if he shows up now?

Mirabel: Nothing will happen again... I don't love him anymore. Besides, he won't be showing up for a long time

Me: How did u know that?

Mirabel: I heard he got jailed for doing drugs and other charges attached to his sentence.

Me: He is a bad guy?

Mirabel: I didn't know him as a bad guy... it could be as a result of anger for being forced to study abroad.

Me: OK o... so who became your next?

Mirabel: **blushing** You my love

Me: Oh... does that mean you're still intact? **Smiling**

Mirabel: Yes my love **smiling seductively**

Me: Woah... that's great

Mirabel: Yep. Alright enough of talking about me. Now tell me about your past relationship.

I wish she added plenty "s" to the relationship so it will be relationshipsssssssss.

?So where do I start from?
?Would she be cool about my true  past?
?Should I even tell her the whole truth?

Because I did alot back then.

What's your advice guys?
What do you have to say??

[color=red]???   To Be Continued.  ???[/color][/b]


---------------------------------


[b][color=red]Warning: Those of you that copy and paste my story on other sites without seeking my approval, It's not cool. Worst of it all, is when you don't reference my name as the writer.
And for those of you that post it on Group chats,,, do the same.
I won't be that nice if you don't comply with my policy.
I remain the writer and sole owner of "The President's Daughter And I"
Victor U. James {Vict-Vames}
Thanks for reading...

>> Episode 32 -

No one rises suddenly in the world, not even the Sun.

Good Morning!Related


TYPICAL NIGERIAN MENTALITY
1.Every Sunday is RICE
2.Every northerner is a MUSLIM
3.Every motorcycle is OKADA
4.Every oversea based guy is RICH
5.Every detergent is OMO 6.Every Chinese
knows KARATE
7.Every toothpaste is MACLEAN
8.Every white man is RICH and
CONNECTED
9.Every police takes BRIBE
10.Every rich muslim is ALHAJI while the
poor
ones are MALLAM
11.Every noodle food is INDOMIE
12.Every Brazilian is a FOOTBALLER
13.Every igbo man likes MONEY
14.Every guy on suit is LEARNED 15.Every
guy that owns a car is RICH
16.Every kidnapper comes from NIGER
DELTA
True or False


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-03 18:37:27

429 Views




Next day morning 6:00 AM, Ana came downstairs with Sally to see her walk, to the public transport bus stop, to get to work.

"I am sorry Sal, I wrecked your car and now you have to waste time on public transport." Ana apologized again for the hundredth time. "The guy promised to provide another car from his insurance, not sure when . ...." Ana stopped, as both of them looked in surprise, a brand new Honda Accord, came and stopped in front of them.The driver stepped out and came towards them.

"I am looking for Ana Rogers?" He asked both of them.

"I am Ana." Ana stepped forward.

He gave her the keys and a file with documents. "Hi, I was asked to handover these to you. This is the replacement car for your use."

"How is it ..."

"Sorry Maam, I cannot answer any questions. You would have to talk to Mr Shah. Thank you so much." He said and left, to get into another car, which came to pick him up.

"Oh my God Ana! This is like my dream car." Sally started jumping, holding Ana. Ana gave her the keys for the car.

"You better go now, else you will be late to work. Also remember, this is just a temporary replacement, so don't get too excited." She warned Sally, feeling bad for popping her excitement.

Sally, got into her new car and drove away to work. Ana went back inside, wondering about Rahul and his intentions.

Rahul watched the whole drama from a car, parked on the opposite side. After Ana left, Miso came and relieved him from the security watch. Rahul told Miso to make arrangements, to pick up Ana and prince at eight and drive them to the mansion.

He then drove to the mansion, to set the stage for Ana's arrival. He shaved his beard off and took a long bath. After putting on a fresh suit, he checked himself in the mirror, to make sure he looked cool. He didn't want Ana to know, how much he missed her or how he had been on road for the last two weeks, searching for her.

Miso arranged a car for Ana and prince, to take them to the mansion. When the driver arrived and let Ana know, that he was waiting for her downstairs, she realized, it was really happening. She had small hope, that maybe Rahul would forget about the deal and let her go.

A part of her, was really excited, to meet Rahul, but she was dreading the moment, she would have to meet his wife Ria. As she sat in the car with prince, she thought about the hours, she spent searching newspapers, websites and tabloids for details about Rahul's marriage, but she couldn't find any news.

She wondered, "what happened after I left the mansion? Did all the arrangements, I made for the marriage, work out well? Is Rahul happy? Where did they go for their honeymoon? Mandy must be very mad with me for leaving things and running away. I hope she will understand what happened and pardon my absence. I hope Rahul is staying with Ria, at his Central Park pad else if Ria is in the mansion, she will kill me and prince. I will have to tell Rahul, all bets are off, if Ria or anyone touches prince."

Ana couldn't digest the feeling of facing a married Rahul. She closed her eyes and tried to build up her inner strength to face him, there was no escape for her now.

She opened her eyes hearing the sound of car door opening and realized they were at the mansion. Prince was sleeping in her lap. The driver informed her that Rahul was waiting for her in his study and he would take care of moving her luggage to her room.

She picked up sleeping prince and moved towards his study, scared of running into Ria. She knocked on his door slightly.

"Come in .." Rahul shouted from inside.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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They followed the mad crowd around the
town till they finally arrived at the “so
called” king’s palace, the king came out
and
the crowd chorused “Igwe” the king in
response raised his hands and waved at
them to acknowledge their greetings, then
the three girls were presented to him, John
stretched to get a sight of the king as his
temper had reached boiling point, he
hissed, the king looked like Mr Ibu, an Igbo
film actor, this took his temper to the
melting point of iron, this ugly man was
going to take his one and only Joy
forcefully as a wife and may be Chinelo
and Becky too, he knew the king would
choose Joy to be his wife because no man
could resist such beauty, his head was
steaming like a steam train, no one and no
one messes with his Joy, the three girls
were forced into the palace as the king
dismissed the crowd, John looked at TJ
and the hunter, he had a plan.
………………………………………………………..
Mr Adeboye checked out of his hotel room,
he met the receptionist and dropped his
room key, he then walked out of the hotel,
since the hotel’s parking lot was full he
had parked his car along the street, he
passed through the hotel’s gate and walked
towards his car, he was shocked by what
he saw, the bumper and two side mirrors of
his car had been removed, he stood for
almost a minute, staring in disbelief, when
will Nigeria become better? He thought, he
finally opened the door of his BMW 5
series, he wondered how they did it without
the car’s alarm going off, this was the work
of an expert, he thought, he dialled
Nelson’s number, Nelson was one of his
friends, they had both attended the same
secondary school, Nelson was a police
officer in Lagos before he got transferred
to Enugu where he became a D.P.O,
Nelson had helped him recover this his
same BMW car when it got stolen, he had
then helped him to install a GPS tracking
system into it, he had called Nelson before
hand that he was coming to Enugu
because of his son, Nelson picked the
phone after three tries, he then asked for
the description of his police station which
he gave to him, Mr Adeboye started his car
and headed for the police station.
………………………………………………………..
D.P.O Nelson had another worry apart from
being sacked, his friend’s son was missing,
he had gone to check John’s apartment
but he found out that it was empty, he had
also gone to the motor park where
someone confirmed that
about six corpers were on the missing bus,
he knew but he didn’t want to tell his
friend on the phone, he had told Peter
Adeboye to meet him in his office within
the next 1 hour as he had somewhere to go
to. ………………………………………………..
Mr Adeboye was driving along the express
road, he was deep in thought only for him
to look forward and see a plank full of nails
right ahead of him, he immediately
slammed on his brake, suddenly two hefty
armed men came out of nowhere, one man
opened his door and knocked him out cold
with the bottom of his gun.
………………………………………………………..
Some men were carrying fire wood to the
king’s palace, John had caught a toad, he
planned on putting it inside the king’s soup
which was going to be cooked with the
firewood, he only had to get closer to the
pot, he had killed the
toad and cut It’s legs, it now looked like a
piece of meat, if the king wanted to have
his Joy he could have her in hell, they
dressed like palace errand boys, they had
gotten the clothes from where they were
spread, John and Tomiwa carried firewood
to the palace kitchen, as he dropped the
firewood, he quickly tossed
the toad delicacy into the boiling pot of
soup, they walked away
slowly not to arouse any suspicion, the
king was in the palace with all his chiefs,
he has chosen Joy and Chinelo to be his
new wives while Becky would be his new
wives servant, he dismissed his chiefs and
went to have his supper, he ate his akpu
like a glutton and then devoured his meat
he saw one strange piece of meat and
tasted it, it tasted delicious, he then tossed
the rest into his mouth, little did he know
that he was eating his last supper.
King Emeka drank almost a two liters of
palm wine, now it was time for him to go
and sleep with one of his new wives, he
tried to stand up but he fell back to his
chair immediately, he was a little
bit drunk, he then used the table in front of
him to support himself, he staggered
towards Chinelo’s room.
………………..……………………………….
Chinelo was not in the least bothered, she
had just become the wife of a king, she
was a Queen now, ‘Queen Chinelo’ she said
to herself, she had left the bush home
where she was with her parents, at least
life in the palace won’t be as boring and
stressful as life in her parents home, she
admired the new wrapper she was wearing,
it was given to her by one of the palace
maids, she could now do as she wishes,
she would convince the king to build a new
house for her parents, suddenly someone
had entered her room, it was the king, she
stood up and said Igwe good evening, the
king didn’t even say much, he pulled the
wrapper she was wearing off her body, she
now stood unclad before him, he pushed
her and she fell on the bed, he pulled his
trousers down and lay on her with his
heavy weight, Chinelo did not even try to
resist, she knew the king would love her
more if she bore him a child, she knew the
result of s*x and she was ready to bear the
consequences, King Emeka entered her
and he knew pleasure.
……….…………………………………………
Nelson had waited for two hours and his
friend had not showed up, he dialed his
phone number but it was switched off, he
wondered what must have gone wrong,
may be he had missed his way and his
phone’s battery was flat, he left the police
station as he had more
important issues to attend to, he instructed
the constable to bring
Mr Adeboye to his residence when he
comes to the station, he entered his SUV
and told his driver where they were going
to, they set out and a patrol van followed
them
………………..………………………………
Mr Adeboye woke up in a
small dark room, he was unclad, in chains
and all his hair had
been shaved off, he was terrified, he was
alone in a strange
place, he thought about his son, maybe the
same thing he was
experiencing had happened to his son, he
knew Nelson would find him, but it was a
matter of when?
………………………………………………..
The wore his trousers, he was fully
satisfied, his new wife had
given him pleasure that he had not
experienced for a long time,
he wondered what his other new wife had
in store for him, as he
turned to go out of Chinelo’s room, he
suddenly felt a sharp pain
in his stomach, before he knew it, a seizure
took over him and he
fell to the ground, Chinelo saw what was
happening and she
shouted for help, immediately two guards
came in and saw their
king vomiting foam, suddenly he stopped
moving, one of them
placed his chest on their king’s heart and
didn’t detect any heart
beat, hell was about to break loose, their
king was dead.









NAIRAJOKES.COM




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principal saw akpos result nd then said u are a lazy boy.PRINCIPAL:what is ur favourity subjet AkPOS:free period


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-09 11:56:06

629 Views



OGA BAYO n WIFE [Read it]


Bayo and his wife Ola received a letter from
their daughter who went to study modern
physics overseas. SHE WROTE~My beloved
Parents, I miss u so much & it breaks my
heart to think that by d time i get back, you
will be too old. So, enclosed you will find a
bottle of a red portion i have invented. It
will make u young, so when i return, you will
be the same age as i left u. NOTE: "Pls, take
only a drop."GoodBye i love u! So they
opened the envelope & in it, is a bottle with
a red portion. The man looked at his wife &
says U go first". So d wife Ola takes a drop,
thereafter Bayo follows. Indeed d wife turns
5yrs younger. Years later, the daughter
returned home to find her mother young &
pretty, carrying a baby on her back. The
mother proceeds to tell her daughter how d
portion worked & made her look young. D
daughter was happy & asks after her father .
"Your Father? Hmmmmm,, ur father was so
jealous dat i was so young and beautiful, so
he drank the whole bottle. Whaaaat? So
where is he?" replied her daughter. Hmmmm
na him I back so!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-14 22:49:25

333 Views




The Chinese obsession for making fake products is their revenge on the rest of the world for making fake Chinese food.Related

Abayomi had a bottle of Night Train which I collected from him. He and Chukwudi followed Toun to the store to spy at the people fuccking . I was looking for the perfect place to hide without being seen by people that know me. Everywhere was occupied. I blamed myself for believing that things might return to normal between Timi and i. if I had been any smart, I would have ignored him. I consider myself a strong girl but this heart of mine brings me down. I saw an unoccupied Toyota, I sat on the bonnet and cried. The Night train was diffusing into my blood at a fast rate.
I saw Acho and his chic walk pass. She gave me a frown while Acho limped beside her. Toun and Abayomi found me where I sat.
Abayomi: omo igbo, why are you here alone na?
Me: nothing, I just want to be alone
Toun: where is Timi?
Me: I don’t know
The fool chose that time to come outside with Annie, I saw them before Abayomi and Toun did. Her hands were around her shoulder, he looked happy. Toun immediately came to hug me, Abayomi looked down like it was his fault. At that point I started crying again.
Toun led me inside the house, saying I should dance my pain away. But it was a disaster when I noticed Timi and Annie dancing, Toun started dancing with me at the same tine blocking the guys trying to come in-between us. The alcohol was taking its tool and I started dancing faster, Toun was enjoying herself, we were giggling.
Then Toun stopped dancing as somebody was finally able to come between us. I wondered who had the mind to encroach on her space when I saw it was Jafar.
For a guy that had a mystical feel to him, I couldn’t imagine him dance , talk less of dancing with me. I was probably not the only person surprised because it seemed that people stopped dancing to watch us dance. I was shy to dance wildly like I usually did, so I was a bit slow. I noticed the eyes that were fixated at us, I was shy. I was shy until his hands encircled my waste. My hips moved to his touch, he wasn’t smiling or had his mouth opened like guys usually did when they were dancing with a girl. We danced like we were royalty..
Jafar: you declined having dinner with me because of this party?
Me: yes…I had to come, but you had plans of coming too?
Jafar: I changed my mind, Aisha and Uche once dated.
Me: oh…I never knew…
I started having fun as we danced and spoke. I got envious glances from the girls I had seen him with earlier.
Me: not seen you in a party around before
Jafar: I am not a fan of parties..
I didn’t want to stop dancing but he did after a while.
Jafar: thanks for dancing with me
Me: the pleasure is all mine, Jafar.
Toun was winking at me when I walked to her,Abayomi was standing behind her, dancing to her bum even though she didn’t move.
Toun: he likes you
Me: who?
Toun: Jafar. Timi couldn’t detach his eyes from you.
I felt tinny winny happy. The Alcohol was taking its effect. I had finished the drink in the bottle, even though the ponch was still in my system.
Me: I want to go home.
Toun : but the party just started..i want to eat barbeque.
Me: Abayomi I want to go home.
Abayomi: go and meet Timi na, I am with my chic.
Me: May God punish you, idiot.
Abayomi stuck out his tongue.
Sometimes I do strange things that I cannot explain. One of those things was walking to Jafar that evening and sitting beside him. I looked at him and wanted to talk but ended up resting my head on his shoulder..
Jafar: you want to leave this party?
Me: yes
Jafar: where do you want to go to?
Me: Abuja..loooool..
I joked.
I laughed as once again I rested my head on his shoulder..it felt so much like home.
When I woke up, it took me a while to get to my senses. I was still high though. Everything was blurry. I was in a car and Jafar was driving. I dozed off..
When I opened my eyes again, he was still driving, he didn’t know I was looking at him as his eyes were fixed on the road. The road didn’t look familiar, I wanted to talk but I slept off again. Opening my eyes again, he was still driving. Ah ahn.. my house no far like this na..
Me: Jafar whatsup?
Jafar: hey, you have woken up..
Me: how long did I sleep? Last I remembered, was walking to your car..
Jafar: like 5hrs…yes..you slept off immediately we got in.
Me: where are we going to, I don’t know this road and why should you be driving for 5 hrs?
Jafar: I am just obeying you..
Me: obeying me how?
Jafar: you wanted to go to Abuja
Me: oh my God!!!!!!!!!!!!
Which type of guy obeys a drunk girl, takes her to a state so far from Ogun in the middle of the night..?
Jafar: relax
Me: how can you tell me to relax?..turn back right away..
Jafar: its 4am, we have been driving for 6hrs, we are in Akoko Ondo…in four hours time, we would be in Abuja. U rather we go back?
Me: yes!
Jafar: alright..
He swerved to the right of the road and parked. That was when I noticed the Volvo in front and the Hilux at our back. We were in the middle of a three man convoy to Abuja. This Jafar dey kolo o!..
Sparrow was the first to get to us, he was the guy pinned to follow me around.
Sparrow: Jaf, wetin do your car?
Jafar: nothing o, we need to head back?
Uche came down from the Hilux and joined Sparrow at Jafar’s side of the car.
Uche: mehn…sleep dey catch me o…we are less than 2hrs from Lokoja, I dey feel say we go rest for there o..
Sparrow: I swear! Hungry dey catch me sef, Jafar make we reach Lokoja first na, we fit return for morning.
Jafar: if we get to Lokoja, then we will have to get to Abuja. If we are going to turn back, we turn back now.
Another guy came down from Uche’s Hilux, short guy with a funny gap tooth..
Me: im sorry guys, I thought Jafar was taking me home.
They didn’t reply, but I felt it would be selfish of me to force them to continue driving.
Jafar: so what do you say ma’am?
Me: Abuja it is!…but what are we going to do there?
Uche: no be u say Abuja?…i don tire o!
Jafar: we will just hang out dear.
I fought back the fear. I never thought for one second I will be on my way to Abuja with Four Confa guys..chai…Alcohol na b-----d.
Me: Abayomi and Toun will be scared
Jafar: you will call them..
Me: no problem, I hope you return me in one piece..
The short ugly guy had a smirk on his face, I wanted to slap him but my liver no reach.
Jafar: lets bounce..
As we proceeded with the journey, the only cars that passed by us were Luxurious buses. The Volvo remained in front, while the Hilux came from the rear. The AC of his car was the truth!..no wonder I kept dozing off..James Blunt’s “u’re beautiful” was playing in his car Cd player. If I wasn’t in a weird situation, I would have found this very romantic. With my seat belt in place, my eyes were involuntarily closing, but before I slept, I wanted to say something.
Me: Jafar?
Jafar: Tana?
Me: you are the weirdest guy eva…
I slept looking at the smile across his dark face and his well-trimmed goatee..


>>

John, TJ and Tomiwa sat under a tree
not far from the palace, the
only news john wanted to hear was that
the king was dead so
that he could carry out his plan to
perfection, the hunter had left
them and gone back to his home, he
seemed less bothered than
they were, maybe he wanted something
like that, his daughter
getting married to a king, TJ looked at
John in surprise, he had
never seen him act with so much
determination, Joy had surely had a lot
of impact on him, Tomiwa mind
had wandered away, he was thinking of
his father, his mother and his little
sisters, though he had not informed
them of his decision to come to Lagos
two days ago, he just hoped they have
not tried dialing his handset yet, his
mind was brought back to reality when
he saw a guard running towards their
direction, John was battle ready, if the
guard was coming for him, he was going
to use his combat moves now, the guard
ignored them and branched to the house
behind them, the guard seemed worried
as he knocked on the chiefs door, the
chief came out almost immediately as if
he had been expecting him, John looked
back to see what was going on between
them, he heard the guard say something
like ‘the Igwe is dead’ then the chief
reacting to what he had said as if he
was in trouble, John’s greatest news had
been confirmed, his plot had succeeded,
the Igwe was dead, he signaled to TJ
and Tomiwa who also knew what was
going on, they had to execute their plan
now.
…………………………………………….
The hunter entered his house
singing a joyful song, when his wife saw
him alone she asked of their daughter
Chinelo, he then went on to explain what
happened to his wife, as soon as he
finished narrating the story she started
dancing and singing, they both sang and
danced together, their dream had come
true, they were now officially in-laws
with the most influential man in town,
they were now in-laws with the king.
…………………………………….
It was 9 pm, Nelson
was in his sitting room with his wife, he
was worried, his friend
had not come to his house and his
phone number still switched
off, he had to act fast, he feared the
worst, something might had
happened to his friend, maybe he was
not lost but had fallen victim to the
ruthless kidnappers, he stood up and left
his wife in
the sitting room, he had to go to bed
because he had the feeling that
tomorrow was going to be a long day.
……………..………………………………….
Kemi was having the time of her life, she
was in another man’s
bed, her husband had travelled to Enugu
in search of her stepson,
she hissed at the thought of it, she
couldn’t care less if John was dead but
she was glad her husband was gone
because now she would have the chance
to sleep about with other men, she
smiled as her concubine came out of the
bathroom and smiled at her, she knew
what the smile meant, he was ready for
round two.
……………..……………………………………..
Chinelo was in tears as she realized that
she had made a mistake, her husband
was dead and for all she cared she could
be pregnant for him, her dreams only
lasted for a few hours as it had
vanished from her face like a smoke, she
had different thoughts, what would she
tell her
parents, what if the new king would not
want her, suddenly a
guard grabbed her arm, she looked up at
his face and recognized
him instantly, it was one of those
corpers, we have to leave here
now TJ said to Chinelo, instead of
following him, she placed her
head on the late King’s chest and wept,
TJ had to leave, he had tried his best
……………………………………………………..
Joy was sitting on her bed when a guard
barged into her room, she recognized
him instantly, it was John, the love of
her life, she almost wept as they kissed
each other, John said they had to leave
quick, Tomiwa had rescued Becky, TJ
had gone to rescue Chinelo, they had to
meet them at the rendezvoused point,
they ran through the palace which was
now in disorder as everybody was
weeping for the king, they ran through
the back door and towards a tree, John
could see Tomiwa, Becky and TJ but
Chinelo was not with them, he asked TJ
what went wrong, TJ replied and said
she does not want to leave her new
husband, they ran to the main road, they
didn’t know where they were heading to,
but they kept running, suddenly John
remembered the place, it was the road to
his dad’s friends house, Mr Nelson, he
had visited there twice, Mr Nelson
though always came to check up on him
at least once every month, this way
everybody John said to them, they didn’t
know where they were going but they
had all learned to trust John’s decision,
he ran towards the black gate and
knocked it furiously, a gate man opened
the gate, he
recognized John, Oga mi wetin happen
now? He asked John they
pushed him out of the way, entered the
compound and locked the gate behind
them, Nelson ran out of his house
wearing pyjamas, he thought it was his
friend Mr Adeboye, but it was someone
he was even more glad to see, he was so
happy, John was alive!



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Let us not drink to the past, but to the future.

Anonymous

In other words, let’s not drink to sorrows but to our joys! Have a joyous New Year!Related

A little boy and his Uncle Banta are raking leaves in the yard.

The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.

He says, “Uncle, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”

Banta replies, “I`ll bet you fifty rupees, you can`t. It`s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.

Banta hands the little boy fifty rupees, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later, Banta comes back out and hands the little boy another fifty rupees.

The little boy says, “Uncle, you already gave me fifty rupees.”

Banta replies, “I know. That`s from your aunt.”Related

Akpos wife travelled and he is expecting two of his uncles from the village so he decided to cook so that they
will have something to eat when they arrive. Akpos was busy preparing stew when the wife called and
he asked his son to tell her he is busy.
Wife: tell your father not to forget to put the fresh tomatoes and the paste thesame time.
Okon: she said you should not forget to put tomatoes and paste thesame time.
Akpos: ooo! which one is paste again,i have finished the 400 naira credit in my phone just because of this food.
Okon: is like it is that thing that we use to brush teeth, you know is red and i had malee call it paste oneday.
Akpos: o! you mean red closeup,this is the only reasonable thing you have ever said.Then Akpos added closeup in the stew.
Later the wife called back.
Wife: have you finish cooking? I hope is tasty.
Akpos: hm! cooking is not easy o! immediately I finished our visitors just arrived and i served them. could you believe
I have not eating since morning.
Wife: I hope they enjoyed the food.
Akpos: they said their stomach is paining them but i think it is because they have not eating such food
before you know they are village people
Wife: what of okon?
Akpos: he is outside crying. He said his stomach is paining him but i think he over fed himself. I added the closeup paste
you said I should add.
Wife: what! tooth paste inside stew she shouted. But I told okon tomatoe paste. (ie Sachet tomatoes)



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-15 20:36:54

24064 Views




[5:27PM]: the prayerful akpos .: Medical Jokes Akpos’ pastor added him on facebook and he innocently accepted. Two minutes later his message came inbox : Pastor: How are you? Akpos: I’m fine, my daddy. Pastor: May the building of heavenly favour collapse on your head Akpos: (no reply) Pastor: May the thunder of Blessing strike you and your family. Akpos: (no reply) Pastor: May God slash you with the axe of life Akpos: (no reply) Pastor: May God stab you with the knife of riches Akpos: (no reply) Pastor: May you be sentenced to life imprisonment in the eternal jail of success Akpos: (no reply) Pastor: May the World Trade Centre of happiness collapse on you and your family Akpos (no reply) Pastor: Are you there? Akpos: Yes, my daddy Pastor: You should be saying amen to claim the Blessings. Akpos: Ok, May the over- speeding trailer of blessings jam and crushhh.... you and your family. Pastor : Hmmnnn....! Akpos : May the earthquake of happiness swallow you and your family members. Pastor : Hmmnnn..
pastor:thunder fire u.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-03 13:41:50

672 Views




On Fb:



She: *Uploads a pic – Meet my dog

Punu. :’*



Boy1: Aww punu is zo cute.



Boy2: lulz bhut pyaala dogu hai !



Boy3: haaye, kaash hum kutte hote.

….



He : *Uploads a pic – Meet my dog

Punu. :’*



Boy1- Inme se kutta kon hai?



Boy2- tera bap mil gya aakhir



Boy3- hat sala bc mc mkc ????Related

A man found his wife with another man in his
bedroom. Instead of shouting or beating both of
them, he just looked at them and went back to
the sitting room. He switched on the Television
and started watching some gospel videos. The
wife and the Boyfriend were in panic. The
boyfriend dressed up and came to the sitting
room then he said, "Sir am sorry for sleeping with
your wife" Husband "It happens you can go.."The
boyfriend left. The wife never came out from the
bedroom till it was time to sleep. The husband
switched off the Television and went to sleep in
the bedroom. He found his wife sitting on the
floor crying. The husband never said anything. He
just slept on his bed and covered himself with
some blankets. In the morning when he woke up,
he found his wife dead. The wife committed
suicide in the middle of night as her husband was
sleeping. The husband was jailed for 20 years for
murder. Question: Who was not fair? The
husband, the wife or the law?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-05 15:28:19

447 Views




Continues..

We left for class and soon we departed to our
various
departments. I was afraid of entering my
department
but soon, I summoned the courage. As soon as I
entered, Brenden was there in his seat. I just felt uneasy that moment. I didnt look at him. I went
straight to my seat and sat down
Brenden:hey there how are you?
Meno response)
Brenden:don’t tell me you are still angry over
that little thing we both enjoyed? Meno answer but his
word made me cry silently)
Brenden:I know you still want more but
MeI couldn’t take it anymore) will you just
shut up! I
don’t know how to explain the hatred I have for you
right now but shut up. I don’t want to see or
talk to
you again. I hate you!! Brenden:you hate me
huh? You know making your life
in this university a nice stay or a dead one depends on
me. I can make this place a living hell for you
Mechuckling) good for you then. When your
done
bragging and fooling around,let your sick head
know. The lecturer came and taught. His lessons
entered and stayed in my head some how .
lessons was over and
it was time to go home since I had no other class.
Miranda and presley went out together. I drove
to the p.p house instead.
When I got there,I heard screams and shouts.
They
were fighting. I didn’t go inside instantly I
decided to eavesdrop
Laura:I am tired of this d--n relationship without s-x.
Back in Australia I had s-x more than j wanted
Preston:then go back to your d--n Australia. I
don’t
love you and can never love you
Laura:I hate you and your mannerless friends!!. D--n you and your family you are no real man!!
Preston:to hell with you,your father and your
goddamn money we don’t need it!
Laura:really??your father needed it. That was
exactly
the reason he called my father and begged him. Hearing your wretched father begged that way
made me had pity on your deformed and
devastated family
Preston:and you think your family is any better.
Have
you forgotten that my dad placed your f-----g dad in
Position he is right now?do you have any f-----g
idea?
Laura:I don’t give a bullshit!I think I am fed up
and I
Want to leave this boring and stupid house! I am going back to Australia. I have called both
fathers and I
have withdraw from the plan I am no longer
interested.
Preston:to hell with you. I don’t need your
stupid assistance from your hopeless family
Laura:look there little boy!my family and yours
who has more hope? Come on answer me. Your
family has
1% over 100% hope left. Don’t forget that with
the snap of my fingers and twinkle of an eye, your
family
can be s----d out of the little money they have to
brag with
Preston:I just hate you and your ugly family. I
don’t want to ever see you. Laura: (laughing) oh my dear don’t also forget
that you
aren’t attending classes because your
goddamn
family can no longer afford your fees
Preston:if you don’t leave here I will kill you!. Laura:wow!painful right? I also pity you. Your
father’s medication might have stopped by
now. And that’s.
Because you are not man enough
Preston: you know what if you don’t leave
right now,I will leave this house for you (I was dying to see
his
face by now)
Laura: never mind stay in your ugly house I am
leaving already.
I just imagined in my mind laura is leaving just like
that? I was happy but I still needed to teach
Preston a
serious lesson. Even both of them arguing, I had
more
than enough to shut their mouths when it comes to
money. I heard footsteps approaching the door. I
ran from the doorpost to the corner of the house.
Soon I
saw laura dressed up with a luggage and
entered her car. She left at once. As I went to the door about
opening it I heard…
.
To be continued after comments…


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Adanna** part 5 [Read it]


Waoh i dial the number
” the number you are trying to call is
currently switch off, please try again
later” i hate that woman, the time is
8am on monday and i have test around 9 in the morning, but i dont think the test is
important now, adanna is more
important for now, so i stood up, brush
my teeth, worm my afam soup and took
my bath, i ate the afam soup and eba
silently, (i like that soup well well) thinking about adanna. Number she use to
call me just now how can it be switch off, i
redial again, but
still switch off i droped the phone, as i
ate silently a test enter my phone again,
i thought it was adanna, i quickly rush to read it, “fuckiing me is one thing and
fuccking
my friend is another thing, becareful we
are watching you”.
Frm chinansa.
Lol abeg make she go sit down joor, i nor get her time and she cant do more
than a dead rat, wey she and her
sister
dey fight for one man, maybe she think
say i nor know, another call enter my
phone from mercy. Me: hello sweetie
mercy: hey dear, i hope you are in school
already, because am almost at
the gate.
Me: no oh, am still at home. Mercy: still at
home by this time, or you forgot that we have to revise before the
test. Me: yeah i remember, just give me
30minutes i will be there.
Mercy: ok i will be in room 101 please be
fast. Me: ok dear see ya.
I told her i will be there before 30minutes, but am i really going?
Hmmm question for the gods,
.
I finish eating, took my bath, then lie on
my bed, wearing just my boxer and singlet,
a call enter my phone again, this time unknown caller, i pick it.
Me: hello
unknown caller: it seems you are not
going to school.
Me: adanna.?
Adanna: yes. Me: waoh, your voice sound so sweet. Adanna: hmmm are you sure.
Me: yes of course infact everything
about you is sweet, your voice, your,
lips, your Bosom, and even your….
Adanna: e don do, by the way, am sorry
for leaving like that i just dont want to disturb you.
Me: no problem, but what happen to the
bulb?
Mercy: which bulb?
Me: the bulb that shattered when we were
having s*x. Adanna: i think you need to go take
panadol, because you sound weird.
.
Hmmm, maybe i was seeing things sha,
i check my time, 8:40. Me: ok i have to go
now, i will call you later when i come back.
Adanna: you are not going anywhere,
because there will be no test.
Me: how? What do you mean, hello,
hello, hellllooo. Well maybe her credit don
finish, i tried to call her, but her number switch off,
na waoh, i got dress, spray my
Northerner perfume, comb my hair and set
for school, as i was about to open
the door, my phone rang, caller mercy. Me:
i don dey road already i will be there
soon.
Mercy: no need am coming to your
house. Me: why, what happen.
Mercy: our lecturer call in sick. I went out
to buy hollandio yoghurt and bread at one supermarket close to
calabar kitchen (if u know aba well you
go know that area) at MCC road there, i
came back remove my clothes and lie
down, i open my hollandio drink and start
drinking, i tried to watch movie from my laptop but i nor fit, i just
cucuma relax for bed dey reason adanna
matter, i dont know if i should tell
mercy because she worst pass prayer
warrior, i remember the time wey she dey
scatter prayer for her compound, the landlord go knock for her door
telling her shes disturbing the
compound, na so mercy open mouth tell
am say, im nor fit stop am from praying
to her God, the landlord vex slap her twice,
chai that thing vex me well, that night mercy cry come my house, the next
morning i carry police go arrest the
landlord and the yeye police carry 5k for
my hand before them gree go arrest
am, well the man pay 10k later for hospital
bill even though i nor carry her go hospital.
Though i know say na mercy dey at fault,
because there is one verse in the
bible that say, dont disturb others when
praying, i nor remember as them quote the
verse sha. I was lost in my thought when someone
open my door.
Mercy: sweetheart how you dey? Me: i don
tell you make you dey knock if
you come my house. She went back and
knock and i said come in.
Mercy: are you happy now
me: yeah,
mercy: so how are you Me: am fine and
you? Mercy: am alright, this one wey you
just relax so as if person die i hope
everything is alright.
Me: am just thinking about you dear.
Mercy: what are thinking about.
Me: about your beauty, after God don
create everybody finish, God come rest for more 7 days before im create you,
na im make you fine like this na.
Mercy: abeg spare me your sweet sweet
mouth, wetin dey pot?(she said and
took my hollandio, she sip it) Me: no be
wetin you cook last. Mercy: why your room scatter like this
na.
Me: i nor know oh, i dey tire i for
arrange.
Mercy: before i met you, your room is
always neat and clean, but now you are always too lazy to clean your room.
Me: na im make God send you to me na.
To be continued


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Discontent is the first necessity of progress

-Thomas A. EdisonRelated

10 billion [Read it]


A man had two children.His children loved him alot . Oneday he mistakely pour urine in his tea. The man became week. So he was a but die before he his children and he that he 10 billion in in in his and he died.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-12 05:35:28

322 Views




teacher: today u student wil repeat after me anything i say
akpos: shouted from d back, baby mokpbe..
teacher: kneel down akpos
akpos:but u said anything i say the next is baby mokpbe.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-30 12:46:44

691 Views




Our plane landed in Dubai at exactly 11am Dubai time…
To be honest, my eyes saw wonders. I didn’t tell my mum that I was travelling neither did I tell Dennis, my estranged boyfriend. ‘Runs’ is one very risky but rewarding business. I didn’t tell my mum because I knew
she would ask too many questions and possibly discourage me from travelling. What else would have taken me to Dubai if not runs? I felt so happy and successful.
I had become an international lady and I felt it was worth celebrating. I was now several steps ahead
of my peers in the business as I now had an international passport and could travel in and out of the
country as at when necessary. Senator clifford was
indeed God-sent and I felt honoured to have him in my
life. I’ve never asked him about his family or wife. Those
information weren’t any of my business. All that mattered to me was to satisfy him and receive my pay.
We spent one week in Dubai and came back to Nigeria
thereafter. My pu$$¥ saw hell through out our stay as
senator clifford enjoyed himself anyhow and anywhere
he wanted. I didn’t travel with baba’s soap because of
the fear that senator clifford could find it and bring untold consequences on myself. The baba had warned
me seriously and I wasn’t ready to take any risk. Senator
clifford and I went shopping severally and visited many
places of interest. I bought clothes, handbags, shoes,
under wears, make up and numerous clothing accessories. I also bought provisions and some foreign
delicacies. The trip was very fascinating and I felt like never coming back again but I had to come back for the
sake of my family and academics. Our flight landed on a
sunday evening and senator clifford’s driver dropped me
off at my lodge and zoomed off. I had lots of goodies to offload to my room and senator clifford’s driver had waited patiently till I was done. My room was dusty and I
had lots of cleaning to do. When I was done, I went and
took my bath with the baba’s soap. It was when I came
out and senator clifford started calling me again that I
knew that there was a link between baba’s soap and senator clifford’s recent calls. I picked the call to hear
what he wanted to say and yet again he asked me to make another wish and he would grant it for me. Baba’s
soap had not only the property of washing off diseases
but also of holding men spell bound and driving them to do whatever I wanted. Senator clifford had fallen into my
trap and I was going to use it to my advantage, no
doubt.

>> Episode 39 -

CHAPTER THREE (CHAP.3)=>STORY BY NELLY
Please do not share without talking to me or her personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story brought to you by Nelly aka Nnenna…
I finally got to jss1, I was the type they called “on your own” type; I had only three friends and no one dared mess around with me.
I was like a pretty but harsh young lady in class, i never gave anyone the chance to mess around with me (laughs) I ruled ma carban.
After my school’s first term I went back home for holidays, I missed my little bro Gad so did he, he was glad to see me and Kinsley my elder bro.
Kinsley bought things for Gad (everyone preferred him more than me). Kinsley decided to go on holidays to his friends place, no one questioned or stopped him since he was old enough to make his decisions.
Three day later Gad (my younger bro) told my dad to ask our cousins to come over for the holiday (I was eleven years at that time). I was glad because my dad agreed to what my younger bro said.
My cousins were two; glory and Jacob, I was not used to jacob but glory was my bestie. We look alike, do things together, she was my partner in crime (laughs).
I never knew that would be where my troubles would start from. Glory and jacob finally came for the holiday after a week.
Glory was so glad to see me and so was i, Jacob was now a tall guy compared to how he was when I last saw him, I even thought he was now a big boy like fifteen or so until I learnt that me and him were dragging age.
I and Glory were always together; like two fruits from the same tree, we always made sure we wore the same outfit and always loved to stroll to make the boys trip (laughs).
Finally me and Jacob got intact somehow, he was such a frustrating guy, he loved to frustrate me alot and then we would get into playful fights, he would drag my legs and it was disturbing to me (I kinda grew fund of him)…….to be continue……watch out for chap. 4.
ITS STILL YOUR GIRL NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI.
. THIS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI JUST CALL ME NELLY…..STORY BY NNENNA AKA NELLY….FACEBOOK USERNAME:NELLY NALLY.WHATSAPP NO;+22961804913


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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86%
87%
88%
89%
90%
91%
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94%
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96%
97%
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99%
100%





Educative



0%
1%
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87%
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100%





Unique



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
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87%
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93%
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95%
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97%
98%
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100%





Organization



0%
1%
2%
3%
4%
5%
6%
7%
8%
9%
10%
11%
12%
13%
14%
15%
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86%
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95%
96%
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100%






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