Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Bada Aukhha Hai Har Waqt Haqeeqat De Vich Rehna;

Zindagi Jeon Lyi Kujh Weham Vi Jaruri Ne!Related

As the wife,

WILL YOU FORGIVE?

A mans business was nosediving and he sought for spiritual help. He was told that the only solution to his problem is to ask for his wife's forgiveness because he had offended her, and again he must ask her to request for a thing and whatever her request is, he must oblige her.

So when he got home he told his wife to ask for a thing she would like him to do for her. The woman said she wanted nothing but he should pick his phone and start calling all his girlfriends and end their relationships right there in her presence.

The husband, in a bid to fulfil his promise picked his phone and started dialing...........

Husband: Ifeoma, I am calling to put an end to our relationship. Bye.
Wife: Who is Ifeoma?
Husband; A lady in my office.
Wife: okay.

Husband; Hello Juliet, I want us to put an end to our relationship. I want to stick with my wife all alone. Goodbye.
Wife: Who is Juliet?
Husband: A lady I met at a seminar.
Wife: Okay.

Husband; Hello Christianah. Look, I am no longer interested in our love escapade. It must come to a halt today, bye.
Wife: Who is Chritianah?
Husband: That tall, fair complexioned usher in our church.
Wife; Eh! Eh! Okay o.

Husband: Hello Sade. Please delete my number because I am no longer available for any illicit affair. Don't bother to call me, goodbye.
Wife: who is Sade?
Husband: Sade, omo mama oniresi down the street.
Wife; Ehn! Na wa o.

Husband: Hi Bimbo. I want to be faithful to my wife, so let's put an end to our relationship henceforth. Good bye.
Wife; Which Bimbo?
Husband: Your school daughter you introduced to me last year.
Wife: Mo daran!! Who again?

Husband; Hello Bola, it is hightime we stopped this nonsense we are doing. It is unfair, bye.
Wife: Which Bola is that?
Husband: Your friend, mama Tolu.
Wife: Yeepa! Mo ro go. I am Finished?

Husband: No. Hello Yemisi, I don't want to sin anymore so let's stop our sinful union now. Bye.
Wife: don't tell me that was my cousin!
Husband: Yes, she was.
Wife: E gba mi o!!!

Husband: it has not finished o.
Wife: Okay, who again?
Husband: Hello Dara, I want to reject devil and his work today, so end has come to that devilish relationship between us forthwith.
Wife: My sister?
Husband: I am sorry. It was a mistake.
Wife: I don die today!! Have you finished?

Husband: Just only one person.
Wife: Okay call her.
Husband: Hello ma. Please I want us to end our ungodly affair today before we end up in hell. So I am no longer interested in it again, bye.
Wife: You are using "ma" for your girlfriend ehn? So it has come to that. By the way, who is she o?
Husband: (relunctantly)..........your mummy.....
Wife: Yeeeeeeeee....(she fainted)

If you are the wife, will you forgive him?

Good evening and enjoy the rest of the day.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-07 18:20:57

366 Views




Mohabbat Ke Bhi Kuch Andaaz Hote Hain;


Jaagti Aankoh Me Bhi Kuch Khawab Hote Hain;


Zaroori Nahi Ki Gham Me Aansu Nikle;


Mushkurati Aankho Me Bhi Sailab Hote Hain!Related

Confession! [Read it]


A parish priest was being honored at a dinner on the twenty-fifth anniversary of his arrival in that parish. A leading local politician, who was a member of the congregation, was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner, but he was delayed in traffic, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
“You will understand,” he said, “the seal of the confessional, can never be broken. However, I got my first impressions of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I can only hint vaguely about this, but when I came here twenty-five years ago I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first chap who entered my confessional told me how he had stolen a television set, and when stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. Further, he told me he had embezzled money from his place of business and had an affair with his boss’s wife. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that, and I had, indeed come to, a fine parish full of understanding and loving people.”
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk.
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived in this parish,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession.”Related

Bussy Doctor [Read it]


A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in.


Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes..., that's right... The fee is $200... Yes..., I'll expect you ten past two... Alright... No... later... I'm a very busy man."


He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?"


"No," said the man, "I just came in to to fix the phone."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-22 17:37:59

312 Views




Obedient: oh brother i am glad dad finally let off the hook(he hugged him)i missed you big time
Obed: i missed you too
Obedient: thank God now i have someone to talk to
Obed: don't be ridiculous;this house us filled with nice people you can talk with(Obedient stared at his phone)
Obedient: i know but it is different when you are talking to your own twin;is like you are talking to yourself
Obed: i know;i missed you too but it seems like you are still keeping friends?i hope is that stupid handsome
Obedient: not at all but i have a new friend now
Obed: don't tell me you are having another relationship with one of those stupid boys?
Obedient: come on brother;i have given up on that kind of life;i just realised that;is not leading me anywhere
Obed: so
Obedient: what d you mean so?
Obed: you understand what i meant
Obedient: as in;who am i chatting with?
Obed: of cause
Obedient: alright;is Lola;a girl i met at the restaurant;we talked and we became friends;she is cool and fun to be with. i kind of relieve from my stress,when i am with her
Obed: oh my sweet brother is in love
Obedient: what?
Obed: you don't worry;this time dad will accept because you are doing the right thing now
Obedient: thanks;i go ahead
Obed: alright


Katherina: dad;please wake up(she cry)
Lola: Katherina;is enough;dad will definitely wake up. just don't get overly walked up;just relax
Katherina: i should relax?i know that is what you will say;you are not in my so,so why wouldn't you say so
Lola: he is my father too
Katherina: i don't know about that
Lola: don't be mean;anyway i have good news
Katherina: what rubbish good news is that?
Lola: the doctor said by this time tomorrow dad will be up and out of danger
Katherina: and then what?so he can go back to that stupid prison?
Lola: what is it with you
Katherina: i am just been truthful
Lola: then fine;suite yourself
Katherina: i really don't care(curtain)

Zeal: my baby why are sad?
Isabella: i want my dad out of jail
Zeal: what?
Isabella: yes;no matter what he did;he is still my father;i can only be a good daughter
Zeal: and have a bad dad?
Isabella: yes;dad is not a bad person,he just annoying sometimes but i still love him. so dad,let my dad go free(enter Zuriel)
Zeal: i don't want to;he hurt you and my son;so i wouldn't release him
Isabella: what?are you doing it for me or for your son?
Zeal: of cause;is for you
Isabella: then if it is for me,then stop it;you really don't have to because i was the one whom got hurt and i am still the one who is saying stop it
Zeal: is not that easy
Isabella: is not that easy right?but its easy for you to let go of your son right?go on tell me?is it because he is your son?
Zeal: will you just shut up(he raised his hand to hit her)
Zuriel: dad;do you want to hurt her?
Isabella: why wouldn't he? i am not his daughter
Zeal: that is not true
Isabella: then what?
Zuriel: dad;please just let him go free;he had suffered a lot already
Zeal: son...
Zuriel: dad please
Zeal: alright;i will look for away but i am not promising anything(she hugged him and kissed him)
Isabella: thanks dad;you are the best dad in the whole wide world
Zeal: that is enough(he turned to leave)
Isabella: am sorry dad;sorry that i yelled at you
Zeal: you don't have to(exit Zeal)
Zuriel: you wouldn't had yelled at dad,what were you thinking?
Isabella: i didn't know what came over me but i am really sorry
Zuriel: i understand
Isabella: i really don't know how to thank you
Zuriel: is nothing;why do have so much love for that man?
Isabella: sometimes i try to feel some hatred for him but i just can't
Zuriel: is it because you lived with him?
Isabella: no;if it was just that;i would had long forgotten about him because he trow me out of his house and out of his life but no;i tell myself each day that i want to forget about him and that i will be happy,if someone pay him back with his own coins but its all lies because every single day that passes by i felt hurt and there are so many days don't want to get out of bed all because i felt the pain my dad is going through
Zuriel: even though he hurt you?
Isabella: yes;when you love someone;you stick to the person,even if you have a thousand and one reason to leave,you look for just one reason to stay. so no matter how bad dad treated me;i just can't turn my back on him because he love and cherish me once until he find out the truth. even when he does hurt me;i still see something good in him that is because i love him
Zuriel: you are something else
Isabella: Zuriel(she take his hand)i just hope one day;you will find it in your heart to forgive dad and give him the chance to be a dad to you;even if you feel hurt because of the fact that he killed mom. just find it in your heart to forgive him;so you can have peace
Zuriel: is not that easy
Isabella: everything is;if only you want to try and i know you have a good heart
Zuriel: thanks;i will think about it(he hugged her)
Ada: hey;why are you sitting alone?
Zippor: nothing;i just felt there are sometimes;one have to spent time alone
Ada: are you sure?
Zippor: of cause;don't worry about me;i will be just fine
Ada: alright;i go ahead
Zippor: no problem(exit Ada)hey
Zuriel: brother;i was just thinking,if we can visit the zoo
Zippor: i would had really love to but i want to go back to my house
Isabella: what?you are leaving
Zippor: yes
Isabella: but its not up to a month
Zippor: i just want to leave;i need space and time to get my life
Isabella: does it mean you are given up on me?go on;just tell me
Zippor: i am not;i just want fresh air
Isabella: is same thing;you just want to leave alone because you are tired of me
Zippor: stop acting like a baby and Zuriel;please take good care of her
Zuriel: don't worry about that;i will take good care of her
Zippor: alright;i will go ahead and when dad comes back,i will tell him,i am leaving tomorrow
Zuriel: no problem(exit Zippor)why are you crying?he is not dead
Isabella: will you just keep quiet,if Zippor leave;i will leave as well(enter Obedient)
Zuriel: this is your family and you belong here
Isabella: leave me alone(exit Isabella)
Zuriel: i really don't get you
Obedient: brother relax;just let her be;i am sure she will come around;try and understand her
Zuriel: of cause i know what she is going through
Obedient: alright brother(curtain)
Alice: my husband said you are leaving today and he pleaded for you to stay but you refused. why?
Zippor: ma;i just want to go;so that my sister can be able to mingle with you all and get to know you better. if i continue staying here,she will never be able to accept that i am no longer part of her life. it hurt but i will try
Alice: thank you very much;you have a heart of gold
Zippor: thank you ma;please promise me;you will learn to forgive and accept everyone that hurt you in one way or the other because when you harbor resentment is like you are carrying an heavy luggage (she hug him and cried)are you alright ma
Alice: i am fine son;i am happy you came into our life and change everything about us;thank you very much(enter Ada)
Zippor: and thank you for letting stay
Ada: Zippor;are you really leaving?
Zippor: of cause;but i will never forget anyone of you
Zuriel: i though you want to talk him
Isabella: of cause but i don't want those two to be there;when i am talking to him
Zuriel: alright;lets just wait(back to Zippor)
Alice: i will go ahead and leave you two(exit Alice)
Ada: do you have to go?did anyone offend you?
Zippor: not at all
Ada: then why are you leaving?
Zippor: is simple;i want to go and meet my family
Ada: what about us?are we not your family?
Zippor: of cause;you all are(he held her face)don't tell me you are going to missed me?
Ada: of cause i will (back to Zuriel)
Isabella: i don't know why she is flirting around my brother?
Zuriel: come off it;there is....(Ada kissed Zippor)
Isabella: what?she is really a flirt;i am going to put her in her place(she walked away and Zuriel drags her back)
Zuriel: what is wrong with you?he has a right to fall in love with whom ever he want,so let him be;that is what is good for him
Isabella: who are you to tell me;what is good for my brother?
Zuriel: he is also my brother;even though we don't live in same house
Isabella: i don't care;all i know is that;Ada is not good for him
Zuriel: every girl is not good for him. Joy no and now Ada;i wonder if you are the only one that is good for him
Isabella: yes;i am the only one that is good for him;so i should be the only one he should love
Zuriel: you are selfish
Isabella: i am not selfish
Zuriel: if you are not?you would had given him the opportunity to love or don't tell me;you are in love with him
Isabella: yes
Zuriel: what?
Isabella: is that not what you want to hear?yes;i love him and i am the only one that is good for him(enter Melisa)
Zuriel: you are so unbelievable
Isabella: how is it your problem?were you expecting me to love you?go on tell me(he keep quiet)you can't talk?i kept telling you this;i am not in love with you;i am in love with someone else
Zuriel: Zippor is your.....
Isabella: he is not;we are not even related. so deal with my decision(she walked away)
Zuriel: that is not true
Melisa: son;are you crying?(he wiped his tears)
Zuriel: i am not mom
Melisa: you don't have to denial it;i heard everything;i told you to stay away from that stupid girl
Zuriel: mom;will you stop it?she did me no wrong and please,stop hurting her
Melisa: if you don't know that she did hurt you;i will tell you;what kind of a girl will turn her back on the one that disobey his parent,just to make sure she is happy?if she is not wicked?why didn't she fell in love with you and end your misery?
Zuriel: mom;that is enough;just go and learn to love her
Melisa: never and i can't love anyone that hurt my son;i will teach her a lesson(she walked away)
Zuriel: mom;don't do anything stupid to her
Melisa: just watch(exit Melisa)
Zuriel: what is wrong with this woman(curtain)


Ada: baby girl
Isabella: will you stop calling me your baby because no matter how friendly you become towards me,i can never allow you to date my brother because i don't share my stuff with people(enter Melisa)
Ada: what is eating you up?
Isabella: you think i didn't see your shameful act with my brother
Melisa: you call people names and you are the one whom deserve all those names;i wonder how that woman brought you up?she is no good of a mother
Isabella: you are the no good of a mother;what kind of a mother will give out her child for someone else and when she eventually find her lost child,will still be cold towards her?no mother will have a heart of a stone towards her child. i thought you gave me up because of circumstance but no;you are selfish and heartless. you are a monster;who hurt her own child(she slapped her)
Melisa: you don't tell me,i am a bad mother because i brought up my son well(exit Ada)
Isabella: no;you didn't;you suffocate him with those stupid love of yours and deprive him the joy of doing what he really want to do. you think he is happy?all his life he is under your apron;is that the kind of life you want for the son,you prophesy love for?if that is it;then you are a bad mother. set him free
Melisa: you have no right to judge me
Isabella: i am not judging you;let your conscience torture you;to all that you have done
Melisa: you know nothing about me;so you have no right to judge me(she hit her continuously) i am not a bad mother
Isabella: go on hit me;my mother will never do that(she run out)
Melisa: come back here;i am your mother(curtain)







TO BE CONTINUED


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Students woke up to the news of two heads on a piece of white cloth in front of Mini-campus. They snapped the heads and sent it to one another. The guys in the house hugged me, every one of them. They started treating me like I was their mother..Uche had told me that It would mean a lot to them if I remained in Jafar’s room, they would fix the Benz for me and all. It was a no brainer…I accepted.
Toun came back to school on Sunday, and after briefing her on all the happenings, she settled in with me in Jafar’s room. School resumed a month later, but already we could tell that things had changed.
People murmured when we passed by, they called us the “Black Widows”. Even the so- called bad guys in school never trespassed. I never wore any other color besides black. In my heart, I would mourn Jafar till I die.
I had made my peace with God, I didn’t care too much about humans.
Like I said earlier, nothing was the same; I saw the world in a new light. Jafar had opened my eyes to things that I would never have understood. Even my parents said I sounded different on the phone…they didn’t know I was not their baby anymore.
Some days to my exams, I decided to go buy a pregnancy strip.., I had been late for two-months. As I peed on it, Toun stood infront of the bathroom…
Toun: do you want to be pregnant?
Me: what do you think?
Toun: tell me jor..
Me: ofcuz, it will mean everything to me if I could have Jafar’s child…God!
Toun: I hope so too, we would be the best mothers…
Me: hehehehehehe..
After peeing, I was too scared to check myself, so I gave Toun…
She was quiet as she stared at the strip. She nodded sadly…I felt disappointed, I really wanted his kid. I didn’t care what my parents, siblings or nosy neighbors and students would say..Jafar was all that mattered.
Me: I am not pregnant?
Then she burst out laughing and started screaming around the house…
Toun: You are pregnant Tana…two strips…you are pregnant…
I was so happy, I started crying…
That night, I drove to the circular patch, where the fireflies converge…I switched off the lights of the car…
Me: Jafar, I know you can hear me…I feel it…thank you for not leaving me. I will take care of our baby…The baby will know all there is to know about how much of a wonderful dad you are…
Jafar…I love you.

The End...

Did You Enjoyed The Story?


ELECTION [Read it]


there's a conversation between three men about election in their respective countries:
1ST MAN (An American):in my country the winner of the election is announced five hours after the election.
2ND MAN(A Chinese): my country is better the winner of the election is announced one hour after the election.
3RD MAN(A Nigerian): my country is the best the winner has already been announced even before any election.
BABYFACE


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-24 18:09:13

423 Views




Q: How do you teach Maths to a blonde?

A: Add a bed, subtract her knickers, divide her legs, enter your square root, leave your solution and hope she doesn’t multiply!Related

THIS IS THE NIGERIAN SITUATION

*During campaign*
APC: Young man what are you eating?
Nigerian: Rice
APC: Rice and what?
Nigerian: Rice and one meat.
APC: What are you drinking?
Nigerian: Fanta.
APC: This is bad, you deserve rice and
beans with at least 5 meats and your
choice drink.
Nigerian: Is that so?
APC: Yes. Make our candidate your
cook
and we will see to that and more.
*Nigerian votes. APC wins, Day 1*
APC: Food is ready.
Nigerian: What do we have.
APC: Beans and pure water.
Nigerian: No meat?
APC: No meat, I met the kitchen
virtually
empty.
*Nigerian eats*
# Day 2.
Nigerian: No food today?
APC: Nope, your cook traveled.
#Day 3
APC: Food don ready:
Nigerian: What do we have today?
APC: Beans.
Nigerian: No pure water?
APC: The last cook looted your
kitchen.
#Day 4
Nigerian: No food today?
APC: Nope, your cook traveled. He's
gone
to recover your looted meat, bread,
sugar
and other cooking items.
Nigerian: But at least there should be
something to eat.
APC: He used the remaining to fund
his
journey and repair his plane.
#Day 5
APC: Food is ready.
Nigerian: What did you cook?
APC: Cook kee, the economy is bad
and
oil price is nose diving so manage this
garri, kuli kuli and milk.
Nigerian: So we can't afford beans
now?
APC: The last cook used fulani
herdsmen
to destroyed our ban and embarrass
your
new cook
Nigerian: No sugar?
APC: The last cook used all the sugar.
#Day 6
Nigerian: Wetin dey today.
APC: Garri dey... If you get money go
use
am buy kuli kuli and milk.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-03 09:55:51

331 Views




“I need a very well furnished duplex of my own,” I
replied straight away. “A well furnished duplex?” He
asked probably to be sure he heard me right. “Yes a well
furnished duplex,” I repeated. “Alright consider it done,”
senator clifford replied and dropped the call. I felt so
good and elated. I was already ranking as the biggest girl
in Filbom lodge – for that was the name of our lodge –
and had so many girls flocking round me for assistance.
The guys living in our lodge felt too intimidated to talk to
me as they felt I was far above their class and would
have no respect for them. I respected their assumptions
and kept my distance to avoid insult. Even if I wasn’t
going to live in the duplex, I could rent it out and have it
serve as another source of income for me. It had been
long I saw my family and I felt the need to go home and
see them. I also wanted to use the opportunity to show
them my jeep and prove to them – my mum in
particular – that I was doing fine. I hadn’t received any
call from any hotel or client since I came back from
Dubai except from senator clifford. I got up from my bed
and went to my wardrobe to dress up. My clothes were
all rumbled sake for the one I ironed the night before. I
quickly wore it, put on some make up and left. I didn’t
plan to spend the night at home so I had to leave early
enough so that I could get back on time. I got home
around 5 o’clock in the evening. My mum’s face turned
into a frown the moment she saw me climb down from
my jeep. “Wonders shall never end o!” She exclaimed.
“Mummy how?” I asked staring at her with surprise.
“Wonders shall never end!” She repeated. “Oh! the jeep?
I bought it few days ago. Come and take a look,” I
persuaded. My mum reluctantly came over and peeped
at the interior of the vehicle. “Wonders shall never end!”
She exclaimed again. “Thought I told you about my new
job?” I asked staring surprisingly at her. “I told you that I
now work and go to school.” “Please what type of work is
that?” My mum asked. “Company work and they pay
well,” I replied. My mum kept mute staring continuously
at me and the car. “Mummy I bought this for you,” I said
bringing out a parcel from the back seat and handing it
to her. “What is inside?” “Open it first nah.” “I’m not
interested in your gift!” My mum said dropping the gift
on the floor and shrugged her shoulders. “You’ve finally
succeeded in joining prostitution abi?” “How can you say
such thing?” I countered feigning annoyance. “I work with
a top perfume company and they pay me well.” “How
can a student be working with a top company and be
paid well to buy a jeep? You don’t even know how to lie.”
My mum pointed out. “It was God’s favour,” I continued.
“You know that our family is always favoured.” The
argument continued as we went into the house. My
siblings were all in school and my mum was left with the
house-help which she had brought to work and keep her
company. I spent approximately one hour at home
before I started coming back to my lodge. I had driven
for about thirty five minutes on the express way when I
noticed that a particular 504 car was trailing my jeep. I
slowed down, they slowed down. I increased speed, they
increased speed. Without thinking twice, I pressed on the
gas pedal and it answered without hesitation. The 504
followed suit in hot pursuit. The occupants of the car
were young men about six in number. It was a race of
life and death as those guys were determined to
overtake and probably block me. But then my driving
lessons weren’t in vain and my darling jeep was still in
good shape. The chase continued. There weren’t too
many cars on the road so the few I saw, I overtook them
instantly and sped on. The 504 did the same and
followed in hot pursuit. All of a sudden, my jeep started
losing speed and the 504 caught up with me and
attempted to overtake me. I pressed harder on my gas
pedal, no show. I swerved to the left then to the right to
block them as they attempted to overtake me. At last, I
sighted a police station infront and quickly drove in as
the 504 peugeot sped on without stopping as they knew
the implication of attempting to snatch my car inside a
police station…

>> Episode 40 -

Bro paul got to NYSC. He was posted to a public secondary
school. he tried to keep and maintain his religious standard
at all cost but temptation started
befalling him. Many of the students would walk pass him flaunting their “ukwus’ and “bobby”. He was trying all his
best to resist the intimate urges and temptations with the power of the holy-spirit in him and it
worked. Three months after his
commencement in the school, another female corper named
eunice was posted to the school.
Eunice was 29years old, a very beautiful and elegant lady. She was naturally pretty and endowed.
Eunice was a rough girl who had flexed and enjoyed her life as a runs girl while on campus and had the determination of
hooking a God fearing guy during service. Weeks after
eunice commencement of her
service to her fatherland at the same PPA with bro paul, they became friends. Eunice studied paul and noticed he was a God
fearing man, without wasting time, she began to form holy just to gain the attention of paul, she
would sing gospel song, read xtian books, she stopped using jewellery and made sure she wore moderate clothes. Bro paul was carried away by the looks and display of Christianity, he was happy that he met a dedicated xtian like him and didn’t bother to involve God into it, he followed his mind and asked eunice out. Without
wasting much time, eunice gave a YES answer after 2 weeks and that started dating.
As time went on, eunice couldn’t
hold on to abstinence has she began to desire for s-x in the
relationship. He tried so many means to seduce bro paul but he kept resisting. After long weeks of resistance, bro paul finally fell for it and they have s-x after
4months of the relationship.
***TBC********

>>

An expert is a man who knows 62 ways of making love, but doesn’t know any women!Related

the baptism [Read it]


after akpos had been baptised,the priest tel him.'u have been baptised ur name is no longer akpos but paul,and u don av 2 do anytin with alcoho'.he nodded in affirmation,and went back home and bring out all his alcoholic drink,and said.'i baptised u in d name of father,son,holyspirit.u are no longer alcohol u are now water.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-20 18:32:26

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Nothing worth having comes easy!Related

BACK [Read it]


after quite a long time am back to nairajokes
one of my best site


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-04-17 05:59:48

187 Views




When God solves ur problems, u have faith in his abilities. When he doesn’t solve ur problems, he has faith in ur abilities! Gud Morning.Related

Adaku pointed from the taxi window. ‘That’s the one.’

Soon, the white 504 Peugeot came to a halt in front of a black gate. On the wall beside the gate MILAN HOSTEL was printed in white.

‘Is this the place?’ her mother asked.

‘Yes.’

Her father came down and her mother followed.

Adaku carried her snake-skin hand bag and joined them.

The taxi man said he needed to park well and they stepped aside as he did.

He came down and opened the boot. He carried out her large wood cupboard first. A brand new family-size mattress was tied to the car roof.

Adaku walked to the car. She was about to lift the big bag that contained cooking utensils when her mother waved at her to step away.

‘Nne, hapu— leave it,’ she said.

The taxi man carried the bag out. Pots, plates and spoons jangled as he lowered it to the ground.

The taxi driver and her father were taking out the yam tubers together when two male students; one on a shirt and boxers and the other a singlet and jean trousers came to help.

They were dark, slim and surprisingly of the same height, though they did not share any facial resemblance.

Ada glimpsed on the face they made when they saw the food items: over a dozen yam tubers and still counting, half bag of rice, half bag of garri, beans and cartons of Indomie. It was an expression she recognized, that subtle show of surprise tinged with mocking amusement.

They greeted her parents with lively smiles and lifted her things.

She followed and showed them her block and then her room: Block D, Room 8.

When all was inside, she thanked them.

‘Onoo, choolufa ife nu—find something for them,’ her mother said.

She used Onoo, shortened from Onochie, in situations like this.

Her father dipped into his left pocket and pulled out a bundle of N500 notes. He gave each boy a note and the eager smiles hanging around their faces spread over. They chorused ‘Thank you, Sir’ with a bow and walked away.

‘Nne, there is work here o,’ her mother said, looking round the room and the bags on the floor.

‘I think you and Papa should start going now,’ Ada said. ‘I will take care of this.’

Her mother shook her head. ‘Mbanu, olu ehika— there is so much to be done.’

She stared at her mother. She knew Uchechi. There is so much work to be done, but she’d rather keep announcing it than bend down to touch anything.

She knew she couldn’t wait to get back home. She knew she still wanted to go to the market. She’d complained about why it had to be on an Nkwo, of all days, that she’d be leaving for school.

Her father had asked her to stay if she didn’t want to go, but she shrugged and said, ‘Mbanu, how can I choose market over my own daughter?’

‘Nne, are sure you don’t need help?’ Uchechi asked her again.

‘If you want to help her unpack, then do so!’ her father barked. ‘Stop asking stupid questions!’

Uchechi opened her palms. ‘Do I know where to begin?’

‘Start anywhere!’

Now she raised a hand. ‘Eh-eh! Papa Adaku, bikokwa, don’t shout at me.’ Her voice dropped to a murmuring. ‘I know you still think you are at home. This is university o.’

‘It’s ok, Papa,’ Adaku said. ‘I will be fine.’

Her father pulled out the bundle of money and gave her.

‘Thank you, Papa.’

Her mother unzipped her yellow purse and brought out four N200 notes. ‘Nne, tikoo— join this too.’

She collected the money and thanked her.

Uchechi leaned toward her and whispered, ‘Okwa I chetalu? Hope you still remember all I told you?’

She nodded.

Her mother nodded too. ‘Good. Once they come, tell them you are married, inu? If they persist, oso ozigbo—run fast! Do you hear?’

‘Yes, Mama.’

‘Good. Don’t even give them chance. You see those two that came to help us take your things inside, don’t think they are your friends o. Don’t give anybody chance. That’s why I asked your father to give them something so that you don’t feel like you owe anybody. You don’t owe them, inu?

Another full nod.

‘Good. We will be leaving now.’

‘Stay well, Ada,’ her father said. He hugged her.

Her mother opened her arms wide and hugged her too. She held on a little longer as if it was a competition and she needed to be sure she won.

She kicked the side of the Indomie carton as she turned. She hissed and twisted her face back to Ada. ‘Nne, are you sure the work won’t be too much for you?’

‘Mama, I will be fine.’

‘Mama Adaku, let’s go!’ Her father had opened the door.

‘Nne, let me run. Your father has started again.’

‘I wonder how he will sleep this night,’ Uchechi was murmuring as she walked through the door. ‘I don’t know between the two of us who carried you in the womb for good nine months that he wants to start shedding…’

Adaku banged the door shut.

She inhaled deeply, leaning her back into the wall. Gently, she slid down till she dropped on the half bag of rice sitting to the wall. She shut her eyes.

A knock on the door jerked her eyes open.

She opened the door and two girls entered.

One wore a blue female singlet and tight lemon-coloured shorts and the other a multi-patterned gown that stopped at her laps.

‘Welcome, newbie!’ the one in gown said.

‘Thank you,’ Adaku said.

‘Welcome,’ the one in shorts said, looking round the room.

‘My name is Candy,’ the one in gown said.

‘I’m Debby,’ the other said.

‘I am Ada.’

‘Ada? Nice,’ Candy said.

Adaku looked at her. From her expression and the brusque manner she’d spoken, she knew the girl didn’t mean what she said.

She didn’t think her name was nice.

Adaku pushed her cupboard to the wall and lifted one Indomie bag on to the top.

It was Nweke that had made it for her. He’d used white wood as she requested.

Candy and Debby exchanged a look as they studied the things in the room.

‘So, A-d-a, don’t you have any other name?’ Candy asked.

‘No.’ Now her no was brusque too.

She did not like the way the slim girl had called her name, almost sounding as the ‘ada’ for ‘fall’, like she was a foreigner who did not know how to call Igbo names.

She also did not like the way she spoke her English...with a fake unidentified accent.

More angering to her was that the girl looked like someone from Nsukka.

Debby tried to smile. ‘Ada my dear, what department are you in?’

‘Zoology,’ Adaku said.

‘What?’ Candy again.

‘Zoology, don’t you know the course?’ Ada said, starting to unzip the bag that contained utensils.

Candy took a step to her. ‘You mean you are in zoology?’

‘Yes, what?’

‘Ha. Never seen anybody in that Department before.’

‘What is your own department?’ Adaku asked her.

‘Pub Admin.’

‘Ok.’

Debby put up her small smile again. ‘Anyways, Ada, we just came to say hi. We saw you and because you are pretty, we want you to be in our clique before the other girls come to steal you off.’ Her face flushed with pride. ‘Our clique is the classiest on campus.’

Ada was staring at her, no clear emotion on her face.

‘You should see it as a favour,’ Candy added.

‘Thank you,’ Ada said, finally.

‘We’ll leave you to get settled now,’ Debby said. ‘We will come back for you later.’

She nodded—a nod that meant more than agreement.

‘Bye, sis,’ Candy said, following Debby.

At the door, she heard Candy murmur to her friend, ‘There is so much work to be done here.’

Ada wondered if the slim girl was referring to the bags in her room or her.

***

The next day, the boys left back to Lekki very early in the morning.

On the way, Obinna concluded he was going strip Chief naked and sit on his big stomach while Ahanna counted the money he’d given back to them to be sure it was complete.

Ahanna knew better. He had told him at home that there was no need coming back, that they weren’t going to meet anybody.

Obinna had insisted. ‘Will he run with his house?’ he asked Ahanna.

Ahanna only shook his head, exhausted.

Obinna struck the gate again now. He swallowed hard and waited.

He looked at Ahanna. He was quiet, just looking.

He raised a hand to pound the gate again.

A voice came from inside.

‘Who is that?’ A square hole opened in the gate to reveal two eyes. ‘Yes? Who are you?’

Obinna stared back at the eyes. ‘Don’t you recognize us? We were here two days ago to meet Chief.’

The eyes blinked. ‘Chief? Which chief?’

‘Chief Adebayo na. Is this not Chief’s Adebayo’s house?’

‘Which Adebayo?’

‘Is this not Adebayo Street?’

‘This is Adebayo Street.’

Obinna bent further to the hole. ‘Number 11?’

‘Yes, Number 11, but I don’t know any Chief Adebayo.’

Obinna looked over the gate, as if looking for a way to climb it, or push it off so that they could enter. ‘Chief Adebayo is the owner of this house and street. We met with him here two days ago. He collected our money and gave us fake product.’

‘My friend, go away! The owner of this place lives in Abuja. Even, I have not met him in person since I started working here last year.’

‘Listen to me, your master is a criminal. A big thief! Two days ago, he collected one hundred and sixty thousand naira from us, one hundred and sixty thousand, only to supply us with fake goods!’

‘My friend, go and look for the person you gave your money. This is not a residential home!’

‘What do you mean this is not a residential home?’

‘This is a rental property. People come here and hold vacations, meetings or anything they want.’

Ahanna only stared, silent and distracted, as though only waiting for him to finish so that they’d go home.

Obinna pounded the gate. ‘Open this gate!’

Now Ahanna pointed.

Obinna followed his finger and saw on the wall - JUSTICE ADEBAYO HOMES AND RESORT.

Obinna was sure they hadn’t seen it there the first time they came.

Or had they?

‘Let’s go,’ Ahanna said to him. His voice was low.

On the bus ride back home, Ahanna did not say a single word. He kept his eyes out of the window the entire time.

It was only when they got down at Oshodi that he shook his head and muttered, ‘Chai.’

Obinna patted his back.

At home, they walked into their room quietly.

Ahanna barely responded to Shege’s greeting. The young man had shouted ‘Papilo!’ the way he often did to greet him, but Ahanna did not call him ‘Shege-Shege!’ the way he usually responded.

He merely raised his hand in a half-done wave and passed through the corridor.

Inside the room, he sat on the bed and pulled into the wall, legs crossed.

‘But, Nwanne, this is not fair o,’ Ahanna started to say. ‘This is not fair at all. Okey na my padi na. He was my brother. Will you ever do this kind of thing to me? Will you betray me like this?’

Obinna said nothing.

‘You won’t, I know. You are my brother. Is this what a brother should do to a brother?’

‘When is Baba Sule coming back?’ Obinna asked him instead.

Baba Sule was the landlord’s name. He needed to slap some reality back into Ahanna.

It appeared to have worked because Ahanna stopped lamenting and turned to him.

But he only stared and said nothing.

Obinna walked to the pot and dished him some Jollof rice.

He was eating when he walked outside to Kowepe’s kiosk and got him a chilled bottle of Coke.

When he finished the meal and coke, he lay down on the mattress.

He woke up hours later all sweaty.

He took off his shirt and picked the bucket.

From outside, Obinna heard him whistling to Fela’s ‘I No Be Gentleman At All’ as he drew up water from the well.

Afterwards, he carried the filled bucket to the back of the house to have his bath.

Baba Jude’s wife was at the other end, washing clothes when Ahanna pulled down his boxers.

The woman did not mind. She kept on with her washing and her humming, occasionally nudging the crying baby on her back.

Obinna has never seen the baby quiet before. He’d concluded the baby must have been inflicted with a strange crying disease.

In the evening, they went to Okey’s ‘yard’ in Isolo and discovered he had left. The neighbours said he never even lived there. It had been his cousin’s room.

On their way back, Ahanna stopped at Kowepe’s and bought two bottles of Star Lager.

In their room, as they drank the beer, he called Obinna a fool, laughing.

‘Nnaa, nwanne, you no be am o!’ he said. ‘You no be am at all. I come village carry you because I no say my brain no complete from day one make you for help me dey reason, you still come allow this nonsense people carry our money waka.’

He was smiling.

Obinna was smiling too, but within he wasn’t entirely amused. Guilt pricked him. He believed Ahanna was right.

He’d really acted stupidly.

He shouldn’t have kept quiet, should never have tossed his reservations about the shady deal aside in the beginning.

Baba Sule came the next day, looking really mean in the face. The tribal marks on his cheeks appeared to have enlarged in the anger on his face.

He didn’t respond to their greeting. He was already on the phone as Ahanna tried to explain what ordeal that had befallen them.

Soon, three men stormed into the compound. Baba Sule showed them their room and in a matter of minutes, all they had were scattered outside the compound.

They knelt down, begging, but Baba Sule never did as though he saw them. He was so different, mean, cold and stiff.

The other tenants stood by, watching in silence. They had dull expressions of pity on their faces, but none of them interfered.

For the first time since he came into the compound, Obinna saw Baba Jude’s baby quiet.

He found some satisfaction in that and inhaled cool air.

They slept in Ore’s room that night.

To Be Continued...

Care to drop a comment plsssssssss!!!!



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A man querrelled wth his wife to the extend that they stop talkng 2 each othr. The husbnd wanted to wake up at 7:30 to attend urgent meeting bt no 1 could talk to. Therefore he wrote on a paper "honey pls wake me up by 7:30"rnrnIn the morning, the wife presented his breakfast, she saw the written note, after she write "honey plz wake up it is 7:30" and placed it. After he work up by 8:30,rnHahaha...complete this case


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-06 08:18:56

519 Views




It was a stale day having chioma and Ryan in my house at the same time, no matter how hard she tried the masked look of insecurity in her eyes could hardly be hidden.

Her eyes which perched like a blacked out jewel always seemed to dim in a twitched face when ever Ryan was there.

She had officially announced to me that she was pregnant and was 2months gone already.
The news sounded fresh and new to me even though i have known before.

It still felt like it was the first time i was hearing it, maybe it was because of the smile and pride in her eyes or the explosive kiss that followed.

In the morning Jessy had gone home with Ryan back to papa’s house, Licia have retired to her own home leaving the house only for chioma and i.

“Baby i think i will have to go and see your parents now” i presented checking to see any strange reaction.

“I think its a good idea” she intoned from the kitchen as jangling sounds of dishes sipped out from there.

The afternoon sun hung lazily across, but the rays it gave off was weak and gold. Dusty air swayed around as we drove towards chioma’s house.

The very view of the gate sent an alien scare in me, i haven’t seen Chioma’s parent since this issue arose and i fear what might come out from this visit.

Chioma’s mother was hot tempered, fast to conclude, opinionated, strong willed and stubborn. Her father was more rational, cool tampered, a mild talker but always seemed to be on his wife’s side.

The look on Hassan’s face as i walked past the gate with chioma was an impossible mixture of fear and sense of obligation.
He had been charged to hold the gate from me by his oga but here was i moving straight without opposition just that scared look in his eyes.

A look from chioma had done the trick, hassan needed no more persuasion. He knew his oga could sack him but disobeying small madam could make his oga sack him three times faster than normal.

The house was cold and a looming cloud of an untold rain threatened to fall right there inside.
I was tensed and scared but chioma’s hand holding my tight was a little soothing.

“what is he doing here” that shrieking voice sang out just before the stair case, i looked up and chioma’s mother was speeding down the stair case, her hands clutching the rails tight and long flowing gown flying behind her in all her thickness.

“What is he doing here” she barked again peering her gaze from Chioma to me, her widened eyes glowed with fury and contempt.

A loud silence engulfed me, i could see her lips moving but heard nothing, her fingers pointing at Chioma who stood still without shaking.

“what are you doing here?” Am sure that question was meant for me this time and the stronger the look of contempt she wore.

“Good afternoon ma” i spilled looking beside me to be sure Chioma still was there, her face was blank and from the watery sparkle it was obvious tears were forming in her eyes.

“Sky my parents are really mad especially my mum, i don’t know if they will listen to anything we say” she had intoned as we drove to her house.

“Don’t worry, am sure they will still come around” i had assured her with an unsure tone.

“Didn’t you hear me, what are you doing in my house. Have you not done enough already”
Chioma’s mum stood in front of me squarely facing me directly with a hard accusing finger.

“Oh God, please let this hot temper and stubbornness not be hereditary” i muttered a quick prayer under my breathe looking at chioma.

“Mummy please listen to him” her voice was shaky castigating the tears that choked her throat.

“You shut up” She turned her attention towards chioma. “Despite everything, you still had the impetus to bring this boy here!!!”

Thumping foot steps could be heard descending from the stairs, a crisp green jumper of shimmering material marked his presence as he filled into the room.

Heavy and thick black with a sort of thicker personality and obviously an ego bigger than both.

My voice was lost, how could i even start explaining myself to Chioma’s mother who wouldn’t even have me say anything from the way she interrupts me anytime i wanted to utter a word.

Mr Ugwu’s presence in the scenario was even more frightening, with his full support nobody could be sure what his wife could do.

“what’s going on here” he intoned rather calmly but it had more audacity than all the shrieks and shouts i have been bathed with since i came in.

“Daddy please listen to him” chioma’s eyes freely washed down clear tears now.

“listen to him for what chioma, so he could cook up more lies and feed us? How he had a son of almost 5years and you never knew? His face was growing pale and hard.

A neat copy of coolval’s magazine lay proudly on the glass table, it was the magazine that aired my wedding with chioma. The bold picture of i and chioma smiled back at me as i mopped at them.

The date boldly written in white Gothic form said 25th day of march which is three days away if my head is correct enough about the dates.

“But he didn’t know!!! ” Chioma yelled out maybe to her father but i think it was meant for her mother who haven’t stopped with her finger pointing and singing the lead song while her husband’s sounded like a back up.

Mrs ugwu gave out a shrieking chuckle which was easy to to tell wasn’t a genuine chuckle.

“he didn’t know?” she asked chioma but had her gaze on me and a lot of mischief surging within.
“Chioma you are a fool for believing this boy”

“Darling i think you have to call her now” Chioma’s father addressed his wife with that calm tone that always wreaked of untold doom.

“Yes yes i think its time i did”

“call who?”
“for what?”
“and what has that person got to do with this issue? ”
These questions surged through my mind, inducing a sense of scary curiosity but i knew what ever it was it wouldn’t be good on my part.

Chioma had a look of surprise and curiosity watching as he mother disappeared into the stairs. Her handkerchief was already soaked with tears but she wiped out more with it anyway.

The bold grin on chioma’s dad face as he relaxed on a sofa was very an ear to ear to type.
My breathe was held, hands numb and sweat tickled down my face. Chioma’s hands were clasped together like she was begging.

Screeching sounds emanated from the stairs,it was obvious two people were descending down the stairs. You can even make our laughters and chuckles

Every thing slowed down, every tiny sounded heavy and loud. I could even hear my own heartbeat ladened in wild heavy breathes.

“No it can’t be!!!” my mind shouted not quite sure if anyone else heard it.
Chioma took a couple of steps forward.

“How possible is this?”
Chioma’s mother entered the sitting room with Amanda walking beside her wearing a shouty smirk.

..To be continued..


See u guys tomorrow.

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>>

In most of the Middle east, it is considered to polite to leave small amount of food on your plate.Related

All women do have a different sense of sexuality, or sense of fun, or sense of like what’s sexy or cool or tough.

-Angelina JolieRelated

Tricia neatly arranged her hair. She had a sly smile on her lips. She slowly let her eyes access her whole body. Sensing her dress was still in order, she concluded that she was perfectly dressed for Jeremy and him alone. She couldn’t wait to see him. There was something new about her.

“You may come in, miss,” the young maid interrupted her thoughts.

Tricia raised her eyes and let them run over the pretty blonde standing before her. She was probably in her mid-twenties, dressed in the servant’s uniform. She was bowing slightly before her – sign of respect. Tricia smiled to herself in contentment. This kind of act she loved every bit of it. Her heart leapt with joy as she was going to recieve such polite treatment daily. She just couldn’t wait to be his wife.

“Hey, what’s your name?” she asked, mildly.

“Its…. er…… um,” Rosa stuttered. She had never been asked what her name was by any visitor. Not even the fiancee of Mr. Broderick. It really came as a surprise to her. “Rosa.” the name finally passed through her lips.

Tricia nodded in response and smiled back at her. “Lovely name. Just like you.” She’d do that, wouldn’t she?

“Thanks, ma’am. He’s in-”

“Don’t worry,” Tricia cut in. “I know where to find him.”

Tricia breathed deeply and breezed past Rosa into the living room confidently. She was so sure of herself. No one was going to stop her or bring her joy to a halt.

As seconds rolled by, she found herself standing right before the eyes of her prince charming. She let her gaze hold his, smiling innocently. She welcomed his eyes running all over her body, as she never stopped gazing at him. That curious look on his face coupled with uncertainty got her rejoicing within her. She felt like a star. He was staring like he wasn’t sure who she was. He was simply speechless. She kept her good work.

“Purity?” he blurted out, utterly baffled.

Hearing him call her that, made her heart lurch. He finally called her that name. She was going to become her.

What was going on? He had sent his friends into the house and was prepared to confront her. Someone else had appeared before him. Her hairdo, her make up and even her dressing, it all reminded him of Purity. She did look like her, the similarities were clear. It got him looking at her without a blink. He was totally confused. Her unending smiles sent more conflicting emotions into him. “Purity?” he called the second time, shambling to meet the woman.

She kept still, facing him. She wasn’t to utter a sound. She’d let him trot to meet her. He has to come for her.

Jeremy let out a breath. This wasn’t Purity. It was obviously not Purity. She’d never act like that. He felt stupid having called her ‘Purity’. If she had changed her hair style and outfit just to puzzle him, she had actually succeeded. She was such an annoying she-devil who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He kept trudging to meet her. On getting to her, he snorted, “Tricia, I’m very sorry to have called you the name of my fiancee.”

Her smile, her countenance changed into disappointment twisted with jealousy and bitterness. She felt daunted. “That name belongs to me alone. And I am your fiancee!” she retorted angrily.

He laughed contemptously, irritating her more and more. “Is that why you took her away? So you can take her place?” He fed his eyes once more. His angry look revealed the depth of how disgusting she was to him. He was disgusted by her stupidity. She didn’t act matured, more like a sensless child. “You went too far. You’re all dressed up like her, you think I’ll look at you again? You’re incorrigible,” he angrily gave her a piece of his mind.

She felt foolish. There was this desire. The surging urge to hit him. She couldn’t do that. She’d never hit the man she loved. No matter what he said, she was infallible and will always be. Bracing up, she gazed at him the same way he’d been looking at her. “What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense. You’re trying to get me worked up. It won’t happen.” She edged past him. Got to a couch and slid into it. She was trying to calm her racing heart and nervous body.

Jeremy followed her, “Don”t you dare. Why did you do it?” he barked.

She rolled her eyes rudely. “Do what!” she fired.

Her got out his cellphone and showed her a picture on it. “Please, explain this.”

——————-
Sighting the picture weakened her. She stiffened and let her mouth drop. This was bad, really bad. He finally got to see it. That wasn’t of concern to her. He had absolutely nothing to prove with that picture. Only that it reminded her of the slap she got from that witch. It got her angrier, she so much wanted to have her revenge. She was going to get it – take Jeremy away from her.
“Its….” she tried to find the right words to use, “What does it look like to you? Its a picture,” she stood up and fearlessly faced him, “A picture,” she repeated, placing more emphasis on her words.

“From what I can remember, you and Purity are not friends. You have not met her before. Tell me what this is about,” he firmly demanded.

It was happening again. Her head suddenly began spinning. It was gonna fall apart. She heard voices in her head. It was not she talking. They were speaking to her.
‘Let him call you Purity.’

‘Its your right to be his Purity.’

‘You deserve to be his wife.’

It was getting too much. She couldn’t take it anymore. She wasn’t going to bear it. It wasn’t her favourite thing – to listen to so many voices at the same time. It was simply unbearable.

She shut her eyes, positioned both hands on her ears, covering them. She had to stop hearing those things. They were going to drive her crazy. Make her batty. “Shut up!” she yelled, hysterically. “I know! You don’t have to remind me. Stop it!”

Jeremy scrutinized her fuzzily. “Are you okay?”

That seemed to do the trick. The voiced stopped abruptly. She gazed at Jeremy, spitefully, “So what? What if you don’t know anything? Talk to her, I don’t go around telling people about pictures.” She folded her arms.

Jeremy exhaled deeply. It was of no use speaking to her. She’d never admit to her crime neither was she going to reveal the truth. Ernest had warned her not to. She willingly obeyed. “Keep it all to yourself. I’m outta here.”

“No!” she shouted. “You can’t leave me here. You… are my future husband. I’m leaving with you.” She was determined to do so. Then, they’d never return.

Jeremy ignored her. He wasn’t quite sure if the Tricia he once had a relationship was before his very eyes. She was different – dressed up, disguising herself as another woman. It was unlike her to be so desperate. She was simply strange. Very unlike her. He sighed once more and turned his back on her.

“Don’t you dare snub me,” she warned. “I need you.” The voices – they were gonna come back. Torment her if she didn’t do anything. It was fuzzy to her why she heard those things. They make her do things she never wanted to do. “Jeremy, please,” she implored.

He looked at her over his shoulder. “What you’re telling me to do is impossible. Move on with your life,” he admonished.

Tricia shook her head. “I. . . I . . . can’t,” she stammered, her hands trembling. “They’ll come back. They’ll……,” she muttered incoherent words, filled with anxiety.

His interest was pricked. He cocked a brow. “Who’ll come back?” he asked, turning to face her. “Who?” he repeated.

She met his gaze. All her confidence was drowning away from her. She could feel it slipping out of her fingers. “The….the,” she stopped. It wouldn’t be right to tell him anything.

In a jiffy, she dropped to the ground. “Make me yours,” she whispered. “Let me be yours. Become mine. Jeremy, I can never live without you. Please,” she bowed her head. “Forget about her. I’ll always be here for you. Let me become her,” she begged, desperately.

Jeremy held a scorn on his face. He looked at her with disgust. “You’re pathetic.” He shuffled out of the living room. “This isn’t Tricia Cayson,” he thought to himself.

*
*
*
“The doctor, right?” the officer on casual wear said to Allan, seated across him. His eyes were buried on the papaers he held.

“Yes, I am.” Allan answered. “And I guess you’re Myles. Detective Myles.”

Myles smirked, raising his head to have a clearer view of this doctor. “You are late.”

“It wasn’t easy getting here nor finding you,” Allan said, rubbing his forehead.

“Hmm.” Detective Myles scoffed. “Quite a good evidence you’ve got here.”

Allan sighed. “Common, lets get going. I don’t want any of my friends in trouble.”

“They are already in trouble. I bet Darren can take care of himself. How about lover boy?”

“I dind’t come here for you to give me a lecture.” Allan retorted, feeling snaky.

“Then why are you here?” Myles asked, frowning.

“Following the instructions of a detective,” he shot up a brow and made a face.

“Alright, alright,” Myles lifted his hands up. “Lets get to business.”


>>

A man’s screech should exceed his rasp, or what’s a violin for?

~ Stuart RogersRelated

Ik Tabasum Honthon Par Raksa Hai;

Koshish Hai Zamaane Se Gam Chhupaane Ki;

Aur Mere Ahbaab Samajte Hai Ki;

Mujhe Aadat Hai Muskuaarane Ki!Related

My madam was seating in the sitting room
impatiently waiting for me to come back when I
entered with the change firmly folded inside my
right hand.
I shot out my hand immediately to give her the
change without waiting for her to demand for it
and she took it abruptly and angrily from my
hand.
Her face was all squeezed up and frowned.
Then I turned to go.
I knew madam wasn’t happy so I wanted to leave
her presence as fast as I could.
As I made the move to leave, she called me back
angrily and asked me why I want to separate her
husband and her.
The question took me by surprise and I
momentarily couldn’t reply.
“I don’t understand ma,” I replied looking
confused and troubled.
“Oh spare me those pretenses,” she countered.
“Just know that your days in this house are
numbered.”
I trembled as I heard those words.
I wasn’t ready to go back to the village at that
point so if madam’s statement was anything to
go by then I was in deep trouble.
“I’m sorry ma,” I apologised to mellow her anger.
“Sorry for your stupid self,” she snapped.
“Come on go and find something doing and get
out of my sight,” she added.
In obedience I left her presence and went into the
kitchen and sat on the mortar as usual.
Then I drifted into deep thought.
There was no way I could possibly return to the
village without Oga’s consent and as things stood
currently, oga was firmly by my side if not for any
other thing, for the hornilicious services I offer him
every night free of charge…

Drop your comments below








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos was coming back from a night party.
He dropped a taxi and said “victoria Island!”
“Yeah! Enter lets go.” replied the driver.
“How much?” Akpos enquires
“Yeah! It’s 300 naira men!”
Akpos said “No, that’s too much. Will you take 200?”
“Yeah! Yeah! Enter lets go”
“But am with 1000 Naira note. Will you have change?” asked Akpos
The driver replied “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Just enter. No time”.
Akpos said to himself “This one this driver is shouting Yeah Yeah and his car is even empty.”
Akpos then said to him “Am not going again. I just remembered that I have only 50 Naira with me.”
The driver said “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I will take it. Just enter lets go…”
Akpos couldn’t believe it, he looked at the driver well and noticed machete cut all over his head.
Fear griped him and he said “Oga! please don’t be angry am not going your direction again. I just remembered that am going to Banana Island not Victoria Island”
The driver shake his head and said “hmmm Yeah! Yeah! Just enter lets go..”
Akpos shouted “What! I forgot my phone let me go and get it before someone picks it”
Before Akpos could make a step, the driver came out angrily, rushed to the booth, brought out machete and said “O boy! Will you enter the car or not?”
Before the driver could finish the statement, Akpos jumped into the car through the window and drove off.
The driver started shouting “Thief o o o”

HAPPY WEEKEND


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-17 13:46:46

38443 Views




That one week was the most anticipated one of my life, i started fasting and praying to God for his favour on this case because with the evidence at hand, it might go either way. My parent and everybody close to me were not excluded; in fact my parent told me they have been visiting different pastors and Alfa for prayers.
Judgement day was finally here, we all arrived at the court as early as 10am, court proceeding started around 11am. After listening to final submission, the judge finally come out with the ruling and sentenced me to eleven years imprisonment for man slaughter.
His submission was that even though there might be an iota of truth that i wasn’t the one that killed my wife and there are some people out there after my life and my wife’s own, my defence failed to proof beyond reasonable doubt that i was not the one that killed my wife and for the fact that my finger print was the one on the knife found as exhibit.
He posited that the prosecuting counsel was more convincing because they established that there was actually a feud between me and my wife and the fact that our call log that day shows that we had a conversation like argument which i later ended the call abruptly. Evidence shows that i had something with he person we are kidnapped together which i didn’t deny too.
Based on the submission of both counsel, the judge found me guilty of man slaughter rather than murder because its very possible that the stabbing was a mistake maybe during the process of trying to safe myself. He advised that my case will serve as a lesson to young married couples to learn how to manage differences in amicable ways as crimes doesn’t pay.
As my parent were crying so were Biola’s parent raised curse on me, they was jubilation that finally justice has been served on me, they called me all sort of names that i couldn’t remember. It was a sad event watching my father shed tears for the first time, i couldn’t imagine the sort of torture have put my parent through over the past one year, from one trouble to the other all because adultery, all because of 5minutes enjoyment, all because i wanted to chance a lady i met on the road and thought i could do hit and run on.
After the conviction, i discussed with my lawyer if there would be a case for appeal which he told me was a two way thing, he said it will be a bit dicey, if i win the appeal, the judge might set me free or might reduce my sentence. We will lay claim to the fact that since it wasn’t intentional they should give me leniency as have never committed a crime before.
The sad aspect of it will be if the appeal didn’t go our way, the judge might confirm the sentence or even add more to it with the claim that the judge were too lenient with me. He explained to me that its a risky venture that its all depend on me if i wish to pursue it or spend 11 years which might not be more than 8 years in our normal calendar year. I gave him the go ahead to appeal and let us risk the outcome.
Days are becoming weeks, weeks turning into months, have already spent more than 6 months in the prison after my sentence, life in the prison was another thing entirely which i don’t want to talk about for now. I was so happy when they brought the news to me that my appeal date has been fixed, it was a month and half to the day they told me and i was seriously looking forward to it.
I had an unusual visitor this lovely Saturday; i was in my cell soliloquizing about how my life has been for the past 2 years when suddenly the warder called me that i had a visitor waiting for me, i followed him to the visitors room where i saw someone in small hijab, they told me she was the person asking of me, i couldn’t picture the face from far until i moved closer and realized it was Simbiat.

To Be Continued...



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The teacher asked Akpos, "Why is your cat at school today Akpos?"
Akpos replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Akpos leaves for school today!'"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-21 15:32:43

571 Views




There`s always one who loves and one who lets himself be loved.

-William SomersetRelated

Akpos was riding his bicycle when a taxi
driver ran into him.
He did not sustain any injury, still yet, he
insisted to be taken to the hospital.
So the taxi driver took him to the hospital
and he was admitted into ward 5.
The taxi driver paid all the bills and
provided him with food like salad, meat,
rice, chicken, fruits etc.
On seeing this, Ofego decided to go and
stay with him for some time.
Akpos and Ofego enjoyed theirselves
through out that day.
The next day, there arose a cry.
Somebody had died in Ward 1.
There was tears and sorrow everywhere.
Akpos asked; Ofego what is the problem?.
Ofego told him that someone had died in
Ward 1.
Akpos said okay.
The second day a little boy died in Ward 2.
Doctors were confused.
Akpos did not say anything.
He just stared at Ofego.
The 3rd day an old man that greeted
Akpos that morning died in Ward 3.
Akpos asked; Ofego, i hope you are seeing
what i'm seeing?.
Ofego replied yes.
Akpos did not sleep that night.
In the middle of the night another cry
came up.
An old woman that was about to be
discharged died in Ward 4.
The whole hospital became confused.
Akpos quietly packed his
properties and woke Ofego up and said:
Ofego pack your things let us go. The way i
am seeing this thing another person is
going
to die in Ward 5 and i am not going to let
that happen.
Ofego said; But Akpos wait till morning na.
Before Ofego could finish the statement
Akpos had disappeared



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-06 08:14:58

698 Views




I’m 30-years-old, and I still can’t get out from under my father’s shadow. He’s really tall, so maybe I’ll just ask him to move over a few feet.

-Jarod KintzRelated

The following WhatsApp chat ensued between Akpors and his boss.
Akpos: Boss, I won't be able to come to work today.
Boss: Why not?
Akpos: It rained heavily in my area and the whole place is flooded.
Boss: You listed ^swimming^ as your hobby in your CV. so hurry up and come to work! I'm expecting you!
Akpos: Jesus christ!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-19 16:18:32

146 Views




I fell in love with this cute damsel and
everything was going on fine until i made
my intention known to her father & being
a learned man, here is what he gave me:
APPLICATION FORM TO MARRY MY
DAUGHTER.
FILL THE FORM IN YOUR OWN
HAND WRITING AND IN BLOCK LETTERS
I _______________ hereby apply to marry
your daughter Miss____________. I am _____
years old.
Please answer the following questions
honestly.
1. Do you go to Church or Mosque ? Yes/No
2. Do you have a degree or diploma? Yes/No
3. Are you still a virgin? Yes/No
4. Are you working? Yes/No
5. Do you have a car? Yes/No
If your answer to any of the above
questions is NO, do not continue. Leave my
house and don't look back.
If all your answers were YES, Then
continue...
1. In 50 words or more, Describe the
disadvantages of cheating in marriage.
__________________________________________
_____________________________________________
_____________________________________________
___________________________________________
2. With the aid of a diagram, Explain how
you can give respect to your father in- law
and mother in-law.
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
3. Suppose your wife says "Honey, I need
money for my hair at the saloon", what
would be your answer ?
__________________________________
4. Explain any TEN causes of divorce.
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
5. What does the term 'good husband'
mean to you?
_____________________________________
_____________________________________
6.Do you have both dad and mum
together? Yes/No
If No explain why?
_________________________________________
7.Were your parents legally married? Yes/No
If YES for how long?________________________
If the time of their marriage is less than
your age,
Explain why you were born out of
wedlock. _____________________________________
_____________________________________
8. Explain the meaning of ''COME HOME
EARLY"
As used by women (100 words)
__________________________________________
_____________________________________________
______________________
9. Give any THREE reasons that can cause a
man to sleep outside his
house.
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
10. In case of divorce, Who do you think is
the owner of the kids between father and
mother?
_________________________________________
Answer the following
by Yes or No.
1. Do you drink alcohol? Yes/No
2. Do you smoke? Yes/No
3. Are you short- tempered? Yes/No
LAST PART - BUT EQUALLY IMPORTANT
1. When can you be free for
interviews?
______________________________
2. When is the best time to interview
your dad?____________________
3. When can I interview your mum?
______________________________
4. When can I interview your church Pastor or Imam
____________________________________
5. Please stick your passport size photo
below which will be put in the newspaper
to check if you have other girlfriends.
Sign here: ________________
Sign again: _______________
Thank you for showing interest in my
daughter. Your application will be
processed in a year's time.
You will be acknowledged only if you
emerge successful.
As you are waiting,
*Please don't call me!
*Don't visit me!
*Don't contact my daughter!
If u do, you will be disqualified!
Leave your details in case I need to ask you
more questions;
Postal Address: _________________________
Email: ________________________________
Phone: ________________________________
Home:___________________________
Facebook: ______________________________
BEST WISHES.
Suppose you are in my kind of shoe/situation
what would you do?
Am still filling the form o.. Lol
Enjoy....................


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-31 12:05:35

676 Views




The value of knowledge

A giant ship engine failed. The ship’s owners tried one
expert after another, but none of them could figure but
how to fix the engine.
Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing
ships since he was a young.
He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he
arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected
the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship’s owners were there, watching this
man, hoping he would know what to do.
After looking things over, the old man reached into his
bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped
something.
Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put
his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from the old
man for ten thousand dollars.
constr “What?!” the owners exclaimed. “He hardly
did anything!”
So they wrote the old man a note saying, “Please send
us an itemized bill.”
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer…… …… ……… $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap……… …… ……… $ 9,998.00
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an
effort makes all the difference! Keep studying hard.
Don’t give up!


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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describe this man with one word








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 17:29:13

183 Views




Why is life so unfair,Gerald never for once notice me as his wife all thanks to Niky.am married to a ghost call a husband for 6months now.
Ellie:are you ok
Me:jesus(scared)when did you worked in
Ellie:almost 10min
me:huh
Ellie:your crying
Me:no
Ellie:am not blind
Mek its Niky she now....
Niky:stays here
Ellie:you?what are you doing here
Niky:what a question
Ellie:now go in there pack your things and bounce
Niky:i refuse
Ellie slapped Niky
Ellie:i'ii be back for you

Gerald:Elfie my friend is throwing a party tonight
Me:non of my business
Gerald:please your coming with me
Me:and Niky
Gerald:its ok by her
Me:what time
geraldsmiling)7pm
****
*At the party*
Gerald:Elfie please smile
Me:and if i refuse
Gerald:whatever
Just then i heard Niky's voice
Me:what is she doing here(almost wispering)
Gerald:dunno
Niky:hey(graping my cloth)
Me:what do you want
Niky:u've gat guts
**
Me:arghhh(gasping in pain)
Ellie:hey relax
Me:where am i
ellie:hospital
me:what
Ellie:what happened
It took 20min before i recall back.
TBC.

>>

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church.


The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”


The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.


The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”


The old man replied, “No problem at all, Priest.”


“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the priest.


The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”


The middle-aged man replied, “The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yep we made it.”


“Congratulations! Welcome to the church,” said the priest.


The priest then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”


“No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.


“What happened?” inquired the priest.


“My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it” said the young man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”


“You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church” stated the priest.


“We know,” said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the Supermarket anymore either.”Related

The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery.Related

sperm test [Read it]


An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor`s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it`s like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Joy, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin` it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

I Think i caught u this time.
fee free to read more of our jokes



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-12 20:15:59

4761 Views



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