Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Doctor to female patient :-
U r looking so weak & exhausted… R u taking 3 meals a day as I had advised u ?

Female patient :-
“uski maa ki“..
Where is Your compounder who typed 3 Males a day.!…

Spelling is also important..!!????Related

George Washington had ‘taphephobia’ and was afraid of being buried alive.Related

Akpos belong to one society in the church.
The society was expected to present a drama on the up comming youth talent day.
The leader of the society came up with an interesting drama and he needed people to act as
Virgin Mary, Joseph and Thomas. Since its a group responsibility, the members where given the opportunity to nominate
the best people to partake in the dramer based on their real life character.
First the leader said who will represent Joseph? the whole members said "Bro Frank can do it better".
"Frank come out!" said the leader, frank did.
"Who do we chose as Virgin Mary?" asked the leader again.
The whole members said "Sister chioma"
Sister chioma was asked to come out and she did.
Finally, "Who do we chose as Thomas?"
The whole members started shouting "Bro Akpos! Bro Akpos! Bro Akpos!".
On hearing that Akpos quickly rushed out without waiting for the leader to ask him.
The Leader looked at Akpos and had the doubt if he can act like Thomas.
Akpos wanting to clear that doubt asked "What makes you people think sister chioma is a virgin and can act as Virgin Mary"
The leader said "Well, from the little i know about her, she is so dedicated to God and i had never seen her with a man before and she equally dress descent"
Akpos shouted "No way! until i put my finger in there, i will never believe".


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-17 21:19:45

15629 Views




Akpos’ elder brother, Tommy, traveled to London months ago, leaving
behind Akpos, their aged mom & their pet cat, Kelly. Last week Tommy
called from London to know how they’re doing…
TOMMY: Hello brother how are you doing? how’s mom and how is Kelly?
AKPOS: Kelly is Dead!
TOMMY(after a pause): Akpos, bad news is not revealed in that manner.
U should have started by saying something like, “Kelly fell
inside a well but neighbors are trying to rescue it”. Then when I
call again U tell me, “Kelly broke it’s neck and is receiving
treatment”. Then when I call again, U tell me they did their best but
couldn’t save it. That’s how to break a bad news in a mature way. OK?
AKPOS: Ok bros, understood.
TOMMY: Ok, so how is Mom?
AKPOS: Bros, Mom fell inside a well, but neighbours are trying to rescue her.
(Phone cuts).Tommy has been admitted in a private hospital in London after going into coma.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-16 08:11:11

154 Views




Her body glowed, under the dim deep blue light that hung hidden in the little square champaign room of the club.

Faint music are heard mixed with shouts and howls of party-ers outside hitting the dance floor hard, the multi coloured rainbow beams casted by the disco lights around sipped in, struggling hard to find its way into the little champaign room.

The liquid sitting lazily on my long slim glass sparkled with the dim blue lights, a sense of familiarity between i and the wine.

I watched as her hands picked up the bottle of moet buried in a bucket of ice standing at a little table before me.

“Let me fill your glass” she whispered into my ears making sure the warm breathe from her caressed my face.

She gulped down another glass of the now bluish gold liquor, her shimmering body clad only in a yellow bikini now glowing neon due to the blue beams.

A straight smooth legs with a high heeled shoe, hairless and shimmering ran straight up to a flawless thigh with only the bikini covering her mould.

A flat stomach complimented a well deserved round bum in a descent hip. Relatively large boobs that rested heavily on a matching bikini top which barely covered 30 percent of her boobs letting out a lot of cleavage.

Her hands ran from the base of my stomach up towards the capital of my chest, a tingling sensation surged through me, Was it the alcohol or the magic her fingers played on my chest.

I could feel her tongue running up towards my neck, her hands now grazing the upper region of Junior sky giving it passive nudges to which strangely it responded weakly.

My heart raced back to the events of a few hours rewind back in time.

Amanda’s smile into my face as she walked pass heading out of the hospital lounge into the car park. She wore a smirk while taking slow comfortable triumphant strides. A copy of the DNA result was in her hand still in a brown enveloped which she didn’t bother to open owing to the fact the first copy already said it all.

“Nnam, all will be well” Papa sang out on his way trailing behind Amanda, His eyes spoke exactly the opposite of his words.
Philip was waiting beside the car to take them home.

My hope of getting Chioma back was shattered and my chances with her was now slimmer than an indomie strand.

Jessy showed total indifference about the whole thing, she was more concerned about the Haimdal’s pills found in papa’s medication.

MY legs wobbled under me, eyes dim and wet, heart blank.

I yanked the door of my car open, climbed into the bold seat of a heavy balanced TUNDRA. My head hurts but my heart hurt more.

Banging a clenched fist into the center of the steering wheel, which just gave out corresponding beep of horns as my fist landed on it meting out my frustration on the innocent wheel which still didn’t seem to care.

I dialed Chioma’s number severally to which she busied and ignored some without picking any. Jessy had gone home with papa and Amanda.

I could make out curious eyes from the hospital surroundings fixed on my car, who wouldn’t check if you see a parked car letting out uncalled horns and bangs with the driver having a boxing bout with the steering wheel.

Driving off with a death calling speed, i zoomed down to a Capitol bar just beside shoprite. Ordered for a few bottle of beers.

Spent hours there, gulping down glass after glass of crispy beers which gave a lot of soothing warmth to my already troubled mind, white stick of cigarette with glowing red ends and flying out smokes tucked between my fingers. I have never taken one before but i could try anything that had a possibility of blanking out my mind from everything.

Somehow i wish none of this ever happened, i wish i could just pinch myself and realized it was all a dream, that papa never married any girl called Amanda.

“Hey you don’t look interested” A slim milky voice jolted me out of my obvious oblivious thoughts. Part of her hands were boldly resting on Junior sky and from the minty sensation on my mouth she must have been kissing me.

The dim blue lights registered into my mind again, the curvely creature before me bathed in sandwiched beams from the blue bulb holes.

She peered into my face, holding the side of my cheek with her hands. “Sir what is wrong?” She asked, curiosity buttered in a spread of concern masking her look.

I have never seen such basic sense of responsibility from a call girl c#m stripper in a club before.

I entered the club after my long hours of staying alone in capitol bar with only bottles of liquor and sticks of cigarette and borrowed strange look from the attendants as companions.

A heavily expensive club that plays host to expensive people hoping to catch expensive fun. It had an enormous supply of call girls on bikinis serving drinks and other things the customer might be interested in.

Olumide was the one that introduced me to the club the very first time we met after i returned from london and this was my second time of being at the club.

“Hey can i talk to you” I intoned at a curvy bootilicious girl clad in a yellow bikini.
I was seated on the long bar seats as the bar tender mixed a shot of cocktail for me.

The look he gave me with a wink and smile as he pushed the drink to me while my gaze watched the creature in a yellow bikini draw near.

She wore a flirty look, and a mildly applied make-up unlike others in the club whose over exaggerated make-ups gave them a ridiculous look instead of adding a chunk of beauty.

“How are you beautiful, Am sky whats your name?” I sang at her rubbing my hand through her shoulder.

“Am licia” She said trying to achieve a flirty smile.
“Hhmm beautiful name licia, and fits a beautiful girl like you” I flirted throwing down a large portion of the drink before me watching her blush.

“Can i get a private service in a champaign lounge?” I shot at her casting a dirty look from the top of her body to her toes clad in high heeled shoes.

“Alright” She intoned after almost a minute of silence which is really weird owing to the fact that she’s a call girl.

“Sir you have seem very absent minded since you brought me into this champaign room, what exactly is wrong with you?” Licia’s voice was growing bolder.

I slipped my hands into my pocket and displayed a ring before her, the little diamond tear on top of it glowing deep blue complimenting the light in the room.

Could notice her eyes popped as she cast a long confused look at me and the ring.

“She left me!” I blurted out bursting out in a sudden moan of intense emotion.
“My life is a mess now” i groaned

She watched keenly, then took her hands around my shoulder repeating papa’s exact words “All will be well sir. . tell me what happened?”

I poured out every vital detail to her from the problem with Chioma to Amanda and my papa.
She was a wonderful listener and just pouring what i tried to water down with alcohol gave me a more soothing sensation than all the alcohol’s i have taken.

“Sir….”

“Please call me sky” I interrupted her, my gazed still fixed at the ring in my hand.

“Sorry, Sky. In life challenges must come, the waves of our past will haunt us and the tides may weigh us down but what makes a successful life is riding with the tides and letting the effect the waves of your pasts bring to be a bedrock to shape your future. What is yours is yours”
I could hear Mama’s voice in her words and i trusted my mama’s voice and words more than anything.

“Thank you licia, i really appreciate” I whispered dropping a huge wad of 50 thousand naira on the table, dragged myself up, a sharp thud on my head sent me crashing back down into the bed in the room.

She jolted up asking what the matter was, the room was spinning round in a furious zig zag manner.

“You are drunk sky, you cant go like this” she intoned looking down on me.
I slipped my hand into my pocket again, fetched out my car keys, my head throbbed hard, furious headache engulfed me.

“Please drive me home licia” i groaned out handing her the car keys in my hand.

Licia went back to the back room where the call girls change, appeared back within a few minutes now clad in a jean trouser and top, took the key from me and guided me back to the car park.

The alcohols i had taken were taking a wild toll on me.

Watching my gate slide open immediately a figure of my newly hired gate man saw the headlights of my car approaching, a few drops of peace were dropped in me.

Licia parked the car just before the house, hurried over to the other side to guide me into the house as i staggered down from the seat.

“SKy!!!” A very familiar voice shrieked just in front of my door.
The white florescent light in the front door showed the figure brightly.

Chioma was standing in front of my door, it was obvious she had been seating there since she didn’t have the keys anymore.

I watched as her face turned from the look of surprise she wore when she yelled my name to a tearful one. she walked briskly past me the groaning cries from her now audible, Licia just stood beside the car looking on with a blank eyes.

“Chioma!!” I yelled after her looking on with shock as Chioma sped out of my compound crying

..To be continued..


If u are really enjoying this story, kindly drop one smiley for me

>>

Santa: Why is your mother sitting so silently today.

Pappu: Nothing dad, she asked for lipstick. I heard ‘Fevi Stick’.

Santa: God bless you, my son!Related

Who Sang This Song?

Main Pal Do Pal Ka Shayar Hoon;

Pal Do Pal Meri Jawani Hai;

Pal Do Pal Meri Masti Hai;

Pal Do Pal Kahani Hai!

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Answer: An erect ‘Lauda’!Related

Dear Boys,

If you don’t look like Calvin Klein models, don’t expect us to look like Victoria Secrets angels!Related

What does a Chatterjee, a Banerjee and a Mukherjee feel after lunch on Sunday?

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Letharjee(state of sleepiness)!Related

upper Last week was my birthday. My wife
didn't wish me, my parents forgot and
so did my kids. I went to work, even my
colleagues didn't wish me.
As I entered my cabin my secretary said,
"Happy Birthday Boss!". I felt so special, she asked me out to lunch. After lunch,
she invited me to her apartment and we
went there. She said, "Do you mind if I
go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay", I said
She came out 5 minutes later with a cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my
friends and my colleagues at works all
screaming, "SURPRISE!!!"
And behold, I was waiting on the sofa.
NAKED!
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-29 10:49:22

305 Views




HEAR MY STORY.
Episodes 3&4

Episode 3
Then something happened.
Bode lost his dad.It was then i got to know that the old man had
more than one wife,as a matter of fact,he had four,one was late
already,and Bode's mum was the last and the only one living with
him until he passed away.
Among the children from the other wives,only few of them were
educated,others were either bricklayers,drivers, carpenters,
tailors or petty traders.It was only Bode's mum that was
struggling to send her children to school.
She had three of them for the late farmer, Bode was the firstborn
with two kid sisters who were still in high school. the one next to
him was preparing to write WAEC when their dad passed away.
It was announced in the church & we (choir members) decided to
go & register our condolence with Bode & other members of the
family.
On getting there,i was so touched by the way i saw the widows
sitting down on a mat,wearing black attire with bowls before
each of them where people who came to sympathise with them
put money.
I said within me "if this kind of a thing should happen in my
lifetime,i will NEVER allow my mum to be treated this way. This is
humiliation of the highest order..Did these women conspire to kill
the man?"
Well,we greeted them.I didnt even know what to say,as i never
experienced such before.As d leader,i summoned courage,knelt
down beside Bode's mum and whispered into her ear "God will
uphold you ma,He will send help to you from where u least
expected. Pls,be strong".
She said "Thanks my child.I really appreciate".
I gave her an amount of money on behalf of the choir.
She accepted it,appreciated us, and we left.
When i got home,i couldnt stop thinking about the woman.Oh!.She
was so young. Why did she marry a polygamist?,a man old
enough to be her father?.
There must be a reason.
Whatever the reason may be, i felt for her. She's such a beautiful
young woman!.
Never!.I can never go for that kind of a man, i will never allow
any stupid love to blind-fold me. I can not even marry anybody
from that kind of a family; their house,d moment i stepped
into d compound,i could vividly smell poverty.Where would i tell
my dad i found that kind of a man?.Me?.I even trust myself..i'm
more than that.
Then my mind went to what Pastor Mrs Williams told me d day
she said she heard a rumour about Bode and i.
1Cor 10:12.....wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take
heed lest he fall.
Fall? Falling is only meant for those who don't
stand well. Me,i cant fall, i trust myself.I've been keeping
myself since & i will continue to keep myself, i'm determined that
no man shall see my nakedness except my husband, and that won't
happen until after marriage.That is it!.
While talking to myself in ds manner..i slept off.
Then something came up.
Watch out in Episode 4
..
Episode 4

It was Bode that woke me up d following morning.
He told me his dad's burial had been fixed for the next
weekend, & there's no money.
He told me how his dad's family members started blaming his
mum for not giving them adequate information about his dad's
illness before the old man eventually passed away.
All these stories made me love the woman more.
At last,he decided to go.I saw him off to the door,n he suddenly
turned back,hugged me & gave me a peck.
I came back to the room, & started thinking of how i could help
Bode & his mum concerning the burial.
The only source i had was my dad,but i wasnt sure he would even
send money again this month ending as i was having a feeling he
sent the last one because of my birthday.
But then,i wouldnt be able to wait till d end of d month,to know
if he would send money or not,as the burial was fixed for 29th
April.
So,then what can i do oooo?.
"Oh Yes!..I have an idea.I will call my dad that i need money. But
what if he asked what i need it for,what will i say?..
I will tell him somebody is sick and that the doctor said he needs
surgery,but there's no money,so,i wish i could render any little
assistance within my reach...Can you be of help sir?".
That was exactly what i did.
He said "Who is ds sick person?".
"It's one of the corpers sir".I lied.
"Ok.Since it's something that has to do with life, i will try & send
any amount i can between now & tomorrow. My regards to him.
We'll remember him in our prayers".
"Thank you dad.Love u sir." I hung up.
Then,my conscience pricked me gently "U just told a lie!.. How
disappointed would your dad be if he found out!."
I felt bad,but i quickly consoled myself by a thought "what
could i have done?. How would he know?.Who will tell him?..he
cant know!."
Almost immediately,i was relieved.
I expected an alert from the bank throughout that day,to no
avail, the following day too,no alert,but on the third day,i received
an alert of N50,000.
Wow!. I quickly called Bode after withdrawing d money,to come
& meet me at home after school hours,by then,it was just 2
days to d burial,27th April.
When he got to my room,i said "how much have u been able to
get now for the burial?."
He said nothing..that his mum's sister who promised to send an
amount of money last week failed, but just received a message
from her that morning that she would see what she can do by
tomorrow.
I opened my bag & gave him d N50,000 my dad sent.
He opened his mouth & couldn't shut it.
He held me very tightly, kissed me....and before we both knew
it..
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It happened.......we had sex.
To be continued in part 5

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Ladki shop pe (Parrot) Tota kharidne gayi.

Ladki- Iski kya khasiyat hai ?

Wasim Bhai (Dukandar)-Ye bolta hai.

Ladki ne Tote se pucha- Main kaisi lagti hu ?

Tota- Bhenchod randi lagti hai.

Ladki- Ye to bahot badtamiz tota hai.

Wasim Bhai use under le gaye aur pani me duba k pucha, bol ab gali dega ?
Tota- Ha dunga.

Wasim bhai ne aur zor se dubaya aur pucha, Ab bol sale.
Tota- Nahi kabhi nahi dunga.

Wo use bahar le gaye aur lady se kaha ab puchiye gali nahi dega.

Lady- Agar mere ghar pe 1 admi aye to tum kya sochoge ?
Tota- Apka pati hai.

Lady- Agar 2 ?
Tota- Apka pati aur dever

Lady- agar 3 ?
Tota- Pati, dever aur bhai.

Lady- agar 4 ?

Tota- Pani le aao Wasim Bhai,
Maine to pehle hi kaha tha
“Bhenchod randi hai…????
????????????????????????Related

HEAR MY STORY.. Episode 2

Bode was the closest to me among all the choir members.I could see
in him a younger brother i never had.
My school was not so far to the church,so sometimes after service
or singing practise he would say "aunty Sewa,i'm coming to ur
place to eat o". I would tell him to come,since i really didnt
know how to prepare one man meal,i was always having leftover.
He was only 20yrs old then,while i was 24.He was a 200 level
student of College of education,Okene,and a native of Oyan
where i was serving.
When i first got to the church, his school was on break, before we
could really got to know each other,the break was over,so he went
back to school.
About a month after he left, i saw him in church one sunday
morning.I asked him why he came home so soon, he told me he
had not paid his school fees and dt his parents were not able to
give him d money.
I got to know dt his dad was an old farmer, and his mum, a
petty trader at Oyan market.
Money was never my problem,bcs besides d allowance i was
receiving from NYSC,my dad was always sending money into my
account without my sisters' knowledge.He would say he didnt
want me to suffer since i was far from home.
So,i asked him d amount he needed.He told me,and i told him to
come and meet me in school d next day,so we could go to bank
together to withdraw d money.
I withdrew almost everything i had in my account,gave him his
school fees,transport fare and a token as pocket money.He was
very happy.
His mum came later to show her appreciation on behalf of d
family.
That was what really brought us closer.Whenever he was away in
school,he would be sending text messages to me,thanking me for
helping him.Sometimes,he would send me message that he went to
bed the previous night with an empty stomach,out of compassion,i
would quickly send him any amount i could afford,to buy
foodstuff,and again,he would appreciate me.
Soon,we were on christmas break.I didnt want to travel,but my
dad insisted i should come to Lagos.
After the break,i was supposed to return to Oyan in
january, daddy couldnt give me enough money as he had spent a
lot during the festive season, he expected me to still have some
money in my bank account,he was taken aback when he asked
me how much i had with me and i answered "Nothing sir".
"U dont mean it!.What are u using money for?.Are u feeding
more than ur mouth?.What did u do with d money i sent to ur
account last month?....Hun?.Tell me!."
Mummy and sis Temi heard him as he was talking to me in
annoyance.
Sis Temi came with her husband and daughter to visit our
parents.She was busy chatting with mum,when they heard
daddy raising his voice.
D moment she heard dt dad was sending money to me,she said
"Da-dd-y!.So u've been sending money to Sewa every
month!!..I was d first person to go on service in ds house,i
remember if i didnt ask u for money,u wouldnt give me,and i
would have to give u d details of what i needed d money
for,before u would give it."
"And u (turning to me) what are u spending money on?.Have u
bought a plot of land?.Oh!..u want to build a house in Oyan?.Is
that not so?"

>>

1 Admi 2 Cigarettes Pee Raha Tha ……..



Wife : 2 Cigarette Q Pee Rahe Ho ?

Admi: Dost ki Yad Aa Rahi He, 1 Meri Or 1 Mere Dost ki…

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Kuch Din Baad Admi 1 Cigarette Pee Raha Tha…



Biwi : Dost ko Bhool Gaye kYa?



Admi: Nhi BewaKoof,



Mene Cigarette Peena chor diYa H



Ab Sirf DosT ki Pee Rha HuRelated

Teacher asked
Akpos to recite the
alphabet the
following will shock
you
A for-Adobe
B for-bluetooth
C for-chat
D for-download
E for-email
F for-facebook
G for-google
H for-hotmail
I for-iphone
J for-Java
K for-kingston
L for-laptop
M for-messenger
N for-NOKIA
O for-outlook
P for-print
Q for-QuickTime
R for-RAM
S for-Server
T for-Touch Screen
U for-U S B
V for-Version
W for-wifi1
X for-xbox360
Y for-YouTube
Please help Akpos
with `Z’..#



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-19 17:12:42

384 Views




Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge.


The judge said, “You seem like nice young men, and I`d like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and pursued them to give up drugs forever. I`ll see you back in court Monday.”


Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one,”How did you do over the weekend?”


“Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”


“17 people? That`s wonderful. What did you tell them?”


“I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this(small circle) is your brain after drugs.”


“That`s admirable,” said the judge. “And you, how did you do?” (to the 2nd guy)


“Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”


“156 people! That`s amazing! How did you manage to do that!”


“Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, `This is your asshole before prison……` “Related

“Ernest really is a devil. He hates me,” she resumed crying. “Oh God. Someone should please save me. I feel so helpless and empty. God, please keep Jeremy safe for me. I need your help more than ever,” she shut her eyes and poured her her to God fervently with quivering lips.
*
*
*
“Sir, someone’s here to see you,” a young maid of about twenty interrupted the gentle men.

Jeremy’s head tilted towards he direction of the maid. “Let him in.”

“Its a woman, sir,” the maid replied, bowing.

Darren and Jeremy exchanged quick glanced. Through their facial expressions, they already knew who it was.

“Quick, Darren hide,” Jeremy said to the detective.

“What are you about to do?” Darren shot at him.

“Just hide, quickly,” he repeated.

Darren reluctantly obeyed and went into Jeremy’s room.

“Go get her, Rosa.”

The maid nodded and briskly walked to get the unexpected visitor.

Jeremy hurriedly composed himself. He smiled to himself as an evil idea ran across his mind.

“Jeremy Broderick!” Tricia exclaimed on seeing Jeremy seated on a sofa. She was so mad at him, especially after being embarrassed by the doctor. She had sworn he’d pay for what he did.

Jeremy’s head shot up as he heard his name from his guest. He took a deep breath, getting ready to start his evil plan. He got up and turned to face her. A smile touched the corners of his mouth. “Tricia, what a pleasant surprise, please come and sit,” he gestured.

She ran a hand through her hair. Why is he being so nice to me? she thought to herself. “Why did you do what you did? Why did you not inform me that you’ve been discharged?”

“Please, take it easy. I was going to call you but I lost my cell. I haven’t got the time to get a new one,” he truthfully explained, with a tone of sincerity.

His reply came as a surprise to her. She had expected him to shout back at her and even throw her out. But he acted differently. She regretted shouting at him. “Um, and your memory? You know everything,” she accused, in a rather, calm manner.

“Come and sit,” he took her by the hand and led her to a couch. He watched as she settled in. When she was done, she turned to face with with curious eyes. He knew he had to explain things further. “Are you really here to fight about that? You should be happy I am okay.”

Tricia sighed deeply, “I am glad you are alright. I know it must have been terrible at the hospital.”

“Yes,” Jeremy replied, nodding. “It was bad.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you when I came. I wasn’t happy you hid the fact that you are now home from me,” she wholeheartedly apologised.

“You don’t have to apologise,” he whispered into her ears. “Its understandable.”

Tricia was utterly taken aback by Jeremy’s nice words. It ws soothing as well as comforting. His face drawn to her’s and feeling his breath on her ear caused her to tingle with emotions. Jeremy was being nice to her, she fought back the urge to scream with joy. He was gradually getting back to her. “But she still occupies your mind,” she jealously admitted.

“Are you referring to Purity?” he asked.

“Who else? She’s the only one you think about. You never even spare a moment for me,” she sighed sadly.

“Its exactly what I’m doing now. Making time for you,” he said desperately.

She scoffed. “I’m not buying that. What happened to ‘she has my heart, I love her so much, she’s my choice,’ huh?”

He looked remorseful. He hung his head, “Yes, you are right. I’m sorry, I don’t even deserve to look at your face.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. Its just that a day ago, you wanted me out of your life. I’m curious, what made you change your mind, if you’ve really changed it?”

Jeremy grasped her hand tightly, “She hasn’t come for me. I waited and waited. I don’t want to, I think I’m starting to give up on her. Just be with me for now. If she doesn’t appear, I’ll have to be with you.”

Not a bad idea, she thought. “I’ll just be your Purity. Let me into your heart,” she purred.

“I’m sorry for the way I have treated you. I don’t really deserve the kindness you’re showing to me,” he sent her a contrite look.

She grinned. Her heart was pounding, she was simply excited. “Its good to hear you talk to me that way once again. I’ve dreamt and waited for this moment, its finally here. It was worth the wait,” she concluded and threw herself into his arms. “I love you, Jeremy.”

He only chuckled.

>>

Dear Admin
I am a 23year old female. My parents
died when i was 8 yrs and so i dropped
out of school because no-one could
afford enough
money to pay my fees. I then met this
guy when i was 14 and he
struggled to send me back to school. He
was selling fruit by the
street just to pay my fees. He then got a
job as a truck driver and
continue to send me to school even to
the university, of which i
am eternally grateful to him for... indeed
there are angels made by
God to help the needy in times of trouble.
My problem is that i feeli can't continue
with this
relationship because he is not my type, i
am not the girl that i used
to be when he first saw me, dont get it
wrong, i am honestly
appreciative of what God has used him
to do in my life but i just
cant get totally committed to him
based on pity or how he helped me. So im
thinking How best can i tell him that he is
not my type without hurting his
feelings?? I
am grateful that he sent me to school but
i can't be in a relationship with him
anymore. I want somebody of my own
class not a truck driver.
Please Advice me



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-13 19:37:14

313 Views



the exam [Read it]


During the exam, Akpors kept looking under the table, then
he would write on the answer sheet. His teacher saw him
doing that & thought he was copying. When collecting the
paper after the exam..
Teacher: I’m gonna minus 10 marks.
Akpors: Hiiaaa!! Why sir?
Teacher: For copying.
Akpors: How do you know that I was copying?
Teacher: I saw you looking under the table.
Akpors: *laughing* Question 9 said, “STUDY THE TABLE
BELOW “.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-11 21:44:13

1066 Views




I froze with fright as I stared at the fat woman. Her face
was familiar and I easily recognised her. She was the
woman calling me to return her 500k – the lesbian
woman I slept with. My entire body shook with fear as
she stared ferociously at me. The dagger in her hand
glittered dangerously as it pointed in my direction
evoking a sensation of impending murder in my system.
“Return my five hundred thousand or you will never
know peace,” she declared pointing the dagger at me.
Then she disappeared. I screamed so loud at the top of
my voice that Mirabel who was still locking her room
heard my voice and ran back into my room. Some other
neighbours heard my voice as well and rushed in to
know what was happening. “What’s the matter?” They
asked looking terrified. “I just woke up from a terrible
nightmare,” I lied looking apologetically at them. “We
even thought someone was attacking you,” one of them
said. “Anyway no problem.” With that they left. Mirabel
didn’t leave with them but remained in my room staring
at me. “Did it appear again?” She asked when the others
had left. “Yes it did,” I replied nodding my head and
drawing closer to her. “I didn’t know when I screamed so
loud.” “This is serious,” Mirabel commented. “Very
serious,” I concurred. I got up from my bed and went to
the toilet to urinate. Mirabel sat on the bed and waited.
The muffled screams emanating from the toilet sent her
hurrying to find out what was wrong. She pushed the
toilet door open and found me squeezing my face in
distress. “What is the matter?” She asked wondering what
was wrong with me this time. “Pain,” I screamed
squeezing my face. “Pain, where?” Mirabel asked gaping
at me. I was sitting pants down on the water cistern with
distress all over my face. “My pu$$¥,” I replied pointing
at the hairy mound between my legs. “My pu$$¥ is on
fire.” Worry-lines drew out on Mirabel’s face as she
struggled to articulate what I just told her. “Hope you
haven’t caught std?” She asked looking suspiciously at
me. “From where?” I asked rhetorically like I didn’t know.
I was lucky to have Mirabel around as I went through all
that. Not that we had much in common but naturally, I
guess Mirabel was a nice and likeable person cos from
that night I slept in her room and she got to know about
my ordeal, she had been of great assistance to me like a
sister. “You need to see a doctor,” Mirabel advised after
a long silence. “You’re right,” I echoed in reply. I got up
from the toilet and looked at the water in the bowl of the
water cistern and noticed that it was bloody. Not only
was I having pain in urination but was urinating blood as
well. I flushed off the bloody urine immediately as I
didn’t want Mirabel to see it. I needed to see a
gynecologist but I didn’t know any gynecologist around
so I postponed everything till the next day. The
university teaching hospital was quite far from our lodge
but my condition needed urgent medical attention or it
would lead to something more debilitating. I came out
from the toilet and went and lay back on the bed.
Mirabel followed closely behind watching my every step.
My phone rang as I was about to lie down and I glanced
at the caller who happened to be the receptionist of
Gaby hotel. “Hello,” I replied on picking. “Yes, please am
I speaking with Rosy?” He asked. “Yes you are,” I replied
still listening. “Please Chief would be needing your
services this night,” he informed. “Will you be available?”
“I don’t think so,” I replied for the first time in my career.
I had never turned down a money-making opportunity
since I became a runs girl but I had to turn this one
down. There was enormous fire on the mountain and I
had to run this time cos someone whose house is on fire
doesn’t pursue rat. “You stand the chance of making as
much as four hundred and fifty thousand naira,” the
receptionist pressed on. “Please don’t disappoint us.” “I
have another job to attend to this night,” I replied and
hung up. “Which job are you talking about?” Mirabel
asked as soon as I dropped the call. “One networking job
like that,” I lied smiling. “Nothing to worry about.” Later
that night, I developed a discomforting itch around my
pu$$¥ lips and also noticed rashes along my inner thigh
and perineum. The itching became so serious that as
early as 6.00am the next morning, I was seated at the
obstetrics and gynecology department of our university
teaching hospital waiting for the doctor to arrive…

>> Episode 47 -

Santa: Today, I gave my wife her first driving lesson.

Banta: That’s really considerate of you. What was her 1st lesson?

Santa: I told her, “Always let the man drive”!Related

I reached home late and dad ask me
Dad????????:were are you coming from?
Me:am coming from my friend's house????

Infront of me Dad call's? 10 of my Friends

4 of them Said:yes uncle he was here!

2 of them Said:He just left!

3 of them Said:yes he is here and we are studying????... Should I give him they phone?????

1 went an extra mile to say(in my voice) yes dad tell me what happen?! ????????????

Friends 4 ever????????????
#Criminal Mind...Linkup


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-20 21:57:14

319 Views




What’s the difference between Poetry and Essay?

Any word uttered by a Girlfriend is Poetry while anything said by Wife is Essay.Related

MOTHER JOKE BY DINDY
Mothers will be like: "Oh junior you are really strong"
Junior: (Feeling fly) smiles.........
.... Three hours later in school.......
Junior: Kelvin my punch will bend this iron rod
Kelvin: Junior you can't do it.
Junior: Ok wait and see.
Throws a single punch with his left hand to the iron rod.
Junior: Turns around and says slowly in pain "it has bend na".
Kelvin: Looking confused "ah ahn but the iron didn't bend junior.
Junior: Now fully turned with tears in his eyes "my hand has bend kelvin, my mother deceived me ooo".
Mothers are inspiring but deceiving sometimes.
#DINDY WROTE THIS=> facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-08-31 21:56:24

244 Views







Akpos: I have the perfect son.

Ochuko: Does he smoke?

Akpos: No, he doesn’t.

Ochuko: Does he drink?

Akpos: No, he doesn’t.

Ochuko: Does he ever come home late?

Akpos: No, he doesn’t.

Ochuko: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

Akpos: He will be six months old next Wednesday.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-16 09:38:54

460 Views




Purity shifted her gaze from his. “Yes, I mean it.”

“What now makes my cousin different from me?” He wasn’t letting go easily.

She smiled on hearing that question. “Everything about him is different. The way he talks, walks, eats. The manner he treats me is so much romantic.”

Ernest frowned deeply. “You are just fantasizing about those things. He might be kind to you now, for a reason. Who know he might change after having you on his bed?”

“What is your problem? Why do you want to make Jeremy a devil to me?”

“‘Cause we men are all the same. We have different tactics of getting the woman we want. Jeremy is just lying and I’m telling you the truth.”

“You’re a big liar. Jeremy would never do that.”

“He’s a womanizer. Different women has slept with him. Why do you think he’ll change for you?”
*
*
*
Jeremy glanced at his gold chain wrist watch for the fifth time. A frown creased his forehead. Where the hell is Purity? His eyes searched the entire ball room as he half heartedly listened to what the brothers were saying. His mind was all about Purity. He really wanted to be with her. They were the couple celebrating and had to be together. Where did she disappear to? Had the restroom swallowed her or what? Its been over twenty minutes. He prayed she hadn’t fainted again. She should be fine. He inhaled deeply.

Rodney noticed his anxiety. “Hey, Jeremy what’s wrong?”

“Have you been listening to my story?” Ronald enquired, he saw the lines formed on Jeremy’s face.

Jeremy sighed. “Honestly, I’ve not and I’m not fine. Purity, she’s taking too long.”

The twins laughed.

“She’s gonna come soon. Are you scared she’s gonna disappear?”

Jeremy stared at Ronald with eyes full of pity, as if he was going to cry.

“Come on, she’ll be back soon. Don’t cry.”

It was Jeremy’s turn to laugh. “Thank you so much? It was nice meeting you two.” He briefly shook hands with them. “I’ve got to find her. I should have followed her.”

“All the best.”

Jeremy nodded and left them.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s in love with our Purity.”

Ronald smiled. “I’m glad she found someone like him. They deserve eachother.”

“Come, lets go chat with dad and mum, I’ve missed them.”

“So have I.” Rodney led the way.
*
*
*
Jeremy walked briskly towards the ladies restroom. He so much needed to find Purity. He had never been in one before, but he would just because of his Purity. He’s missing her and wants to see her, to gaze into those lovely eyes. That stubborn woman, where could she have disappeared to? He finally got to the door. As he reached out for the door knob, a voice stopped him.

“If I were you, I wouldn’t do that.”

He dropped his hand. He knew that voice.
“Tricia, what are you doing here?”

She smiled. “I should be asking you that. What were you about to do? Go into the ladies room?”

Jeremy scratched his head.

That, she admired.

“I mean in my house. This party, what are you doing here?”

She rolled her eyes and bit her lips seductively. “I came with an invited guest. I’m his date. Ernest.”

“Ernest? My cousin?” What was Ernest doing with Tricia-his ex. Does he even know that?

“Whoa!” Tricia exclaimed. “He’s your cousin?” She was glad.

“Yes.” He had to focus on his aim. “I’m searching for my fiancee, did you by any chance see her? Is she in there?” he pointed at the door of the restroom.

Tricia chuckled. “I did, I think I saw her come out with someone.”

“Do you know where she is?”

She smiled and licked her lips. “I do. Can take you there if you want.”

Jeremy nodded.

Seconds later, they were up at the balcony. From there, its possible to see the entire vicinity. Tricia paced, as if searching for something. Her eyes lit up in joy as she saw what she had been looking for.

“What are we doing up here?” Jeremy was confused and disturbed at the same time.

“You’ve got to see this.”

Jeremy walked up to Tricia and saw what she asked him to see.

She hid her smile. “That’s the virgin you left me for. Look what she’s doing.”

>>

This sounds good but its not a good idea for me.
There should be some kind of boundary between
us. I can’t just be waking up every morning to
see my girlfriend; in her own house for that
matter. We need to like miss each other a little
bit na.
Me: Uhmmm Mirabel,,, that’s not a good idea. We
don’t have to live together
Mirabel: Buh we’d get to be together. I’d be
under your arms at all times. I would cook for U
and we’d eat together,,,, I want us to be like that;
isn’t it great?
Me: Yea, its great for married couples not single
lovers like us
Mirabel: Then how should we do it? What do U
think?? ‘Coz I’m not taking the car back…
besides, it was never mine
Me: I’d need a change of environment to a more
secure place.
Mirabel: Got any place in mind?
Me: Not really,,, buh I’d work on it
Mirabel: Alright, lemme know when U find one
Me: No no no… I’d make it a surprise
Mirabel: Really…? **Smiling**
Me: Yea, I’d just give U the address to meet me
there
Mirabel: I see… you’ve revealed alot already.
Let’s see how it goes
Me: Sure
She prepared noodles which we ate. I thanked
her very well for the car continuously which got
her irritated. She told me to stop or she’d leave
angrily which I complied. She stayed for a while
before I bade her goodbye. She called me
minutes later to announce her arrival.
One thing about me is that,,, I can’t stay in one
place, on my own without thinking, without ideas
and some kind of imaginations running through
my head.
I grabbed a big seized yoghurt from my little
fridge, bounce my body on the bed to do
something natural about me. I sip my yoghurt
while thinking like some people in distress or
heartbreak who drink alcohol to cool off their
mind.
This thing that Beatrice is bringing, she should
just understand and stay-off. I will just spell the
“NO” out for her if she try ‘am. She’s not even
that pretty,,, She’s got a bangin’ body though.
Lola, her bizzy body is now irritating me. Mirabel
and Cynthia said she’s like that but I don’t think I
can get used to such stupidity.
And that stupid bodyguard of Mirabel’s. He’s
really annoying, imagine bodyguard forming boss
because he’s guarding the President’s daughter.
So what! If he has seen the President face to
face!! Its not easy sha and its an honour buh and
so f?ckin’ what?!
Is the President not human?
I’m dating his daughter, the guard needs to know
that.
I am dating the daughter of the number one
citizen of the Federal Republic of Nigeria and she
loves me like mad. I love her too though buh I
must confess that hers is more greater like
60/40%.
?Where is our relationship leading to?
?What kind of challenge am I going to face in the
course of our relationship?
?What about rivals? Should I be scared about
this??
?Would I be able to fight for our love?
?Would our relationship get to the President’s
notice?
I really can’t imagine having a future with
Mirabel.
I have never been afraid of trouble buh this
situation could be different because Big man Big
trouble. Chai!
She turned down bigger guys to be with me.
What if the guys won’t give up and try to attack
me or even try to get me out of the way. Then I
hope what I see in hollywood don’t get to be
different from my case. I should be the hero not
the deadman.
I don’t really know if I’d be able to fight for our
love,,, I hate nonsense. Her friends and family
might try to discriminate me… and I pretty much
don’t welcome insults.
I can’t tell what the reaction of her father would
be… all I can think of is how it normally happens.
That is, he would do anything just for me to
forget about his daughter.
Well, how can success come without
challenges??
????? ????? ????
I’ve been thinking about girls not thinking about
my family Chai!
They are doing great sha, I heard from them two
days back. I will call them later.
My yoghurt has finished, end of thinking!
So,,, what do I do now?
Its been a while since I played my video game,
so I played it till later in the evening. Mind U, me
I enjoy playing alone… there I can cheat
computer as I like, I love google.
I called my people as I had planned earlier, we
talked normal things and all that. They even
asked why I haven’t been asking them for money.
Parents sha! If U ask, they will say U ask too
much that you are eating up their money. If U
don’t ask, another problem… they would become
suspicious maybe you have joined the cult group
or other illegal acts.
They concluded on sending me some money next
week. I called my uncle and the following
conversation ensued.
Me: Good evening sir
Uncle: Hhmmm…. The Tortoise does not go to
the market just to pay it a visit
Me: I don’t understand sir
Uncle: U don’t need to,,, U see… I am about
going for a meeting right now and I am running
late. So just tell me the amount lemme wire it to
your account immediately.
My family is really something else,,, Chai! How I
wish it was the time I needed money most.
Me: Actually, I’m fine sir
Uncle: I’m not in the mood for your corner-
corner sense… just tell me
Me: I’m serious sir. I just call to hear from U
that’s all
Uncle: U should know by now that U can’t
deceive me,,, before U were; I was.
Me: But sir…
Uncle: My friend! Shut up!! And tell me how
much U need!!!
See me see trouble oh… ahhh!
Me: Sir ermmm…
Uncle: You are not serious, U think I have time
for shyness?
**Hangs up**
I was like wow! I’m being pressured to be given
money? What is going on??
Before I could calm my nerve, an alert just tuned
my phone.
I checked it out,,, wow… is this man for real? He
credited my account with some smiling figures. A
text message from him popped up…
It read…
“Don’t call me next time if U don’t have the
boldness to ask from me. I don’t have time for
pleasantries U know that”.
I was just short of words but surprised. What a
great Uncle, but I don’t like how he raised his
voice. He’s cool though, really cool
I then sent him a thank U text.
—————————–
I couldn’t feel hunger, I was so happy. I went out
to get some hot suya and ate it for the night with
a cold yoghurt.
I called Mirabel as well for good night poems
before I retired to bed feeling happy. Not happy
just because of the money sent to me, but
because of how things seems to be set for me. I
Love My Life!
*** ONE WEEK LATER ***
Now its a week remaining to our Exams, I have
been studying with my girlfriend Mirabel and with
my pal Promise sometimes; They learnt what I
know especially Accounting while I learnt what
they knew especially Statistics. While Lola and
Cynthia the party girls won’t stay around to
study, runs girls and their papa get money.
I found a cool place to live in but I’m yet to make
it official,,, like paying for it before moving in.
Meanwhile, my parents also credited my account
as they had promised with cool figures.
Mirabel invited me to a place I don’t really know,
she gave me the address of the place where I’d
meet her. I went with the car,,, I mean to say my
car to the place. But I stopped on the street to
ask questions about the address. I got there and
found her standing in front of a gate.
I parked in front of her and came down to meet
her…
Me: Hey love,,, what are we doing here?
Mirabel: Come, follow me lets go in.
She dragged me by the hand into the opened
gate. The place looks cool and well kept.
Me: **Whispering** Who lives here?
Mirabel: No one yet
Me: Then what are we doing here? Is it one of
your father’s?
Mirabel: Uhmmm… not really
Me: Whose house is it?
Mirabel: Well, its for my Aunt’s husband. They
got married last year and got sponsored by my
father to take care of his business in Korea.
Me: Wow,,,, that’s cool
Mirabel: They left it under my care, for me to live
in and go to school from here but I couldn’t stay
‘Coz it would be boring for me
Me: U could’ve invited your friends to stay with
you
Mirabel: I don’t like the idea of living with friends
thats why Lola and Cynthia stay in one lodge and
I stay on my own
Me: I see…
Mirabel: So I hid the keys of the house in our
home
Me: Aso rock?
Mirabel: Yea, I went

WATCHOUT FOR PART 28 TOMORROW

really [Read it]


Lol







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-24 13:08:47

687 Views




Amaka’s phone rang and when she saw the caller, she
excused herself to pick the call.
“Hello Amaka, i just heard of the bomb attack on your
hospital in the news” paul said from the other end. “What did you do? Thought we agreed that Dr. Amos
and his property should be left out of this? Amaka
asked. “Yes, but i changed my mind. I noticed how emotionally
attached you were to the doctor so i had to do
something before it jeopardizes the operation” paul
replied. “What are you talking about, were you not the one that
told me to get closer to the doctor?” Amaka asked. “yes but i changed my mind, and that is final.” paul
changed his tone.
“so tell me, did they find his remains” he asked. “No, he was blown into pieces” Amaka replied. “Good, time to move on to the final phase” paul said. “and what is the final phase?” Amaka asked. “It’s classified” paul replied her. “I thought we agreed that i would be carried along?
Look i didn’t sign up to kill innocent people…” Amaka
was trying to say something but paul ended the call.
She sighed and turned back only to see agent musa
standing behind her and looking straight into her eyes,
he wasn’t smiling. +++++ Attah was trapped in the toilet with a killer but he
didn’t know. All he expected were answers to his
questions and not an attempt on his life.
“So tell me, where can we find them?” Attah asked with
all iota of seriousness. “Not so fast” the guy replied, moving closer to Attah.
In one swift movement he plunged forward with the
knife aimed at Attah’s abdomen but Attah saw it on
time, he quickly made way for the guy who staggered
to the ground.
He quickly stood up and faced Attah with the knife.
Attah was unsure of what to do. Should he run out of
the toilet and tell the soldiermen? No!! Turning his back
on this psycho could be dangerous. “Who sent you?” Attah asked. “You ask too many questions, thats what led you into
trouble.” the guy replied. He swayed the knife in Attah’s face and started trowing
punches with it. Attah was bending down, moving his
head to the left and right just to avoid the knife.
He aimed at the guy and kicked him just above his solar
plexus. “The invisible quartet sent you right?” Attah asked but
the guy didn’t answer. He just jumped and used his legs
to hit the wall like he was trying to climb it, he then
used the wall to push himself forward. While in the air,
he turned acrobatically and gave attah a scissors kick.
Attah didn’t expect it so it trew him to the ground. The guy quickly rushed Attah and started kicking him. Attah
who was still on the ground was groaning of pain.
Blood was oozing from his mouth, he was sure he had
lost a tooth or Two. He couldn’t move his body because
all his joints were now full of pains. He just la!d stiff on
the ground and watched the guy who was now squatting. “While in hell,don’t start investigating the devil. His
methods might be worse you know” the guy said and
raised the knife. He was about stabbing Attah when
Jacobs arrived from behind. He used the hammer he
was holding to hit the guy on the head. The guy fell
down and died. Attah who had been closing his eyes slowly opened it
when he didn’t feel any knife on his body. “I killed him, I’m a killer” Jacobs said while stammering. “I thought you were a vigilante? Why are you sobbing
over a dead body?” Attah asked still groaning. “Yes I’m a vigilante, but i’v never killed” Jacobs replied. “Dont worry, you will get over the guilt phase, and you
will learn how to kill more cos in this our world, its ‘kill
or be killed’. ++++++ Dr. Amos couldn’t believe his eyes, his brother has just
been killed in his car instead of him. He felt guilty, the
bomb was meant for him and not his brother, the poor
boy didn’t deserve it. He blamed ASUU for the strike
which made his brother jobless. If joe had been in
school, he would have concentrated on his studies and not a date. He blamed Janet, Joe had been asking her
out for close to a year now and the moment she
accepted his date proposal, Joe died. He blamed the
invisible quartet, he knew they were definitely the ones
behind the attack and he promised himself to
personally kill Paul Adeyemi. He was still alloting blames to individuals when his
phone rang. He ignored it but when the caller kept
calling, he decided to see who the caller was. He
removed the phone from his pocket and he discovered
that it was the number from the prison, he picked it up. “Amos, how is my wife? Did you succeed?” barrage of
questions were trown at Amos at the same time. “She is fine” Amos replied coldly.
Jacobs sighed on the other end. “Amos what is it? Your voice doesn’t seem okay” Jacobs
said. “Joe has Just been killed” Amos replied. The news sent cold shivers to Jacobs’ nerves. He didn’t
understand what the poor boy had in the issue. “Killed? By who? How?” Jacobs asked multiple
questions. “A bomb was placed in my car, Joe was the unlucky guy
who entered the car” Amos explained. “Listen carefully Amos” Jacobs said
“We have been attacked twice in three days in this
prison, if Those guys know that they failed in their first
attempt, they would come back stronger” Jacobs
cautioned. “What do you suggest i do?” Amos asked. “Go to my house, spoil the padlock or whatever you can
do, just make sure you get inside. There is a pistol
inside the cupboard in my bedroom, it is fully loaded.
Take it for your protection” “Jacobs you know i cant….” Amos was saying when
something caught his attention. Nurse Amaka was been
led out of the hospital with handcuff. “Gotta go” Amos said and ended the call. He walked
towards Amaka.
“Officer, whats happening here?” he asked. “We have reason to believe that this woman knows
something about the attack today” Agent musa replied
him. “Officer i think there is a mix-up somewhere. I can
personally vouch for this lady. Moreover, the group
responsible for this attack is called the invisible quartet. Agent musa wanted to ignore Amos but the name
invisible quartet rang a bell. A certain man had la!d
complain about a certain group of soldiermen known as
the invisible quartet. They had ran checks but they
never got any trace on the group. The case was
abandoned when the person who reported the case was arrested for being in possesion of cocaine. Medical
report showed that the man was suffering from
psychosis which made him to hallucinate, he was
therefore seeing things that didn’t exist. Agent musa knew this wasn’t something to ignore so he
listened to what amos had to say. He collected Amos’
number and promised to call him for more information
on the Group.
Amaka was thereafter, led to the waiting van which
transported them to NATU. ++++ Paul Adeyemi was pacing roung his room. He was
thinking about the final phase of their mission.
‘Remember me in hell’ had failed so the next option
was to kill Grace. His phone rang and he picked it up.
“Chiefo is dead” the caller informed him. “What!! How manage?” paul asked. “It seems Attah expected him, he was found dead in the
toilet” “Dont worry, That won’t be much of a problem, i am
activating the final phase” he said and ended the call.
He sent a text with the phone. He then got angry and
slammed the phone on the wall, picked his gun and left
the room. +++++++ Amaka was more than coorperative as she gave NATU
paul’s address. House address and a phone number which she was
supposed to call only in times of emergency were the
only thing she had on the invisible quartet. Amaka was a lady who loved to live life to the fullest.
On one of those occasions she went to a night club
where she met paul Adeyemi.
Unknown to her, the meeting wasn’t a chance meeting,
it was a well calculated and executed plan. She ended
up in paul’s bed. The next day he drove her back to her house. That same day, Amaka’s younger sister was
kidnapped. Paul claimed responsibilty and said the only
way he was going to release her was if Amaka obeys his
orders. He then asked Amaka to get close to doctor
Amos and get information from him. Paul took some men and went to paul’s house. Jimmy
insisted on following them.
On getting to the house, it Was empty.
“you and you, go through the back, you and you stay
outside, jimmy follow me.” musa ordered Musa used his masterkey to open the door and he went
inside with jimmy. Something caught their attention. A
phone was on the floor. Musa picked it up but the
screen was cracked.
He turned it on and the phone requested for password. “Jimmy can you crack this?” musa asked. “Whats the serial number?” jimmy requested. Musa opened the phone and removed the battery. The
serial number was boldly written on a silver panel. Musa
called it for jimmy who punched it on his ipad. He had a
password cracking program on his ipad. In less than a
minute he got the password. Musa punched the password on the phone and it
unlocked it. He searched for incriminating calls and text. He finally
saw a message which was sent some few minutes back.
The screen of the phone was cracked so the only words
he saw were “com.. Clear coast” The message didn’t make sense. They brainstormed
until musa finally got a clue.
“I’m coming, clear the coast” “Are our men still in the hospital?” musa asked. “The hospital is heavily protected” jimmy replied. “We better go there now, he is about to strike there”
Musa said “Hold on, i think i found their hidout, the address is in
the phone” Jimmy informed musa. “Go with the men and check out the address, i’m going
to the hospital” musa replied and left the room. +++++ Bluecross hospital was under tight security after the
bomb explosion. The interior and exterior of the
hospital were secured. “All agents are to move to the north west entry” agent
ebuka announced with his walkie talkie. In few
minutes, the area was deserted and paul came out. “Thank you agent Ebuka, you have been most helpful”
he said. He then brought out his silencer and shot Ebuka on the
forehead.
“sorry, i just couldn’t risk it” he said.

>>

CODED [Read it]


A mum was lucky enough tosee her three daughters wed in the same year, so she whispered to each of them "After your weddings,text me your first night experience and don't forget to text it in a coded way!"
After a week, the first daughter sent 'NESCAFE' inan sms 2 her mum while a week later, the second sent 'BENSON'. Their mum, as a 'soji woman' picked upa tin of Nescafe and read from d label "fantastic till dlast drop!" She also went to her husband's pack of Benson cigarettes and found written on it "Extra long, king size!" she thought aloud "not too badfor them at their age"
A few days later, her third daughter's text comes in,"Arik: Lagos - Kano!". So Mama calls Arik Air information desk to inquireabout their Kano to Lagos flight. She was told, "Its 3 times daily, 7 days a week and the flight duration is 75 minutes to and fro!"
Mama throws herself in theair, lands, slumps and faints shouting..."Yeeeeee! Eleyi ma pa mi lomo O! ( this one will kill my daughter!)"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-23 09:24:48

486 Views





(1) You apply Perfume
cuz u wanna Snap Pics
(2)U wan use fork
to drink garri
(3)U wanna climb my facebook
wall so you would see wat I'm
doing inside
(4)U kneel down becos u wan
greet
person 4 phone
(5)U r above 25 nd Davido
and Wizkid are ur role model
(6)It took
me an hour 2 compose a msg u
cum reply
with "k" You are really mad
(7)U carry screw driver go bank
bcos u wan open new acct
(U went 2 bed
with a ruler jst 2 knw aw long u
slept
(9)U reduce volume of music
player bcoz
u wn aread txt msg
(10) You Dey Smile bacause Who
senior u greet u.
(11) You made a vow of N1000
in church and you mistakenly put
N50 in d offering box
(12)U dey Monitor ur bf/gf
movement''security 4life.
(13)
U no get shishi 4
acct u dey sing "Chop my money"
instead
of "Mercies of d lord"... Lool
(14) If you read dis post finish
and you no drop comment and
like. Your madness click


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-16 08:17:23

344 Views



diamond ring [Read it]


Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store
and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your
dad paying the bill."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-05 23:08:03

652 Views




I got home around 3pm in the afternoon.
My dad was lying on the couch when I entered. My
mum sat beside him discussing in low tone.
“Daddy goodafternoon, mummy goodafternoon,” I
greeted on entering.
“Good afternoon dear,” my dad replied.
“Linda is this you?” My mum asked standing from her
seat and looking me all over.
It had been long I last went home so I wasn’t
surprised of my mum’s observations. I added weight
and looked fairer in complexion. A friend of mine had
recommended one cream and my fair skin had become
the end result. My hair-do looked expensive and my
mum took note of it.
“You look different,” my mum observed. “Hope you
haven’t started following men around?”
“Ah mummy No…,” I replied. “My roommate’s parents
are rich so she’s taking good care of me.”
“Ok o,” my mum chorused. “Thank God you came
early, your dad and I will be leaving for the hospital
soon and you have to go with us.”
“Ok ma,” I replied.
“Please come closer,” my dad motioned to me when
my mum had gone to prepare. “Have you had any
encounter with any spiritualist or herbalist?”
The question struck me like thunder.
“Encounter with spiritualist?” I echoed under my
breath.
“Yes, have you had any encounter with any spiritualist
or herbalist?” My dad repeated.
“No sir, not at all.”
“Please tell me the truth,” my dad pressed on. “I had
one terrible dream last night where I was being
pursued by one spiritualist who asked me to tell my
daughter to come and settle him. So tell me the truth,
have you had anything to do with any spiritualist or
herbalist?”
“I’ve never had anything to do with any spiritualist or
herbalist,” I replied feeling uncomfortable.
My mum soon joined us in the sitting room and we left
for the hospital.
My younger siblings remained at home.
We got to the hospital and my dad was first put under
I.V infusion for about one hour before he was wheeled
into the theatre.
“They said his prostate had gone bad,” my mum
revealed as we sat outside the theatre waiting for the
surgery to commence. “We were in the hospital two
weeks ago; that was when the doctor booked him for
the operation.”
“He will pull through,” I said sounding optimistic.
I felt scared inside but masked my feelings superbly.
I didn’t know whether the babalawo’s threat had
anything to do with my dad’s ailment.
“Hope everything is fine?” My mum asked when she
noticed the drop in my countenance.
“Yes, everything is fine,” I replied nodding my head.
The operation lasted for more than 5hours at which
point my mum was already fidgeting on her seat.
“This operation has lasted long,” my mum said looking
apprehensive. “I’m no longer comfortable.”
“Mummy don’t worry, daddy will pull through,” I replied
to calm her down.
The operation ended 3hours later and the doctor came
out with a long face. My dad didn’t make it

>> Episode 20 -

Trouble is :
1- when d person interviewing u @ ur job
interview is d guy u insulted in traffic. 4get d
job!!
2- when u tel ur friend, 'ur papa' nd u see
his/ha dad staring @ u.
3- when a mosquito lands on ur dad's bald
head nd u try 2 kil it wit ur bare hands. U
must provide proof or else...
4- when patience Ebele is your english
teacher jes b4 WAEC. Jes prepare 2 re-write
next year!.....
5- when u update “salary tins” on fb, nd ur
landlord comments “on point”. Bye bye 2 ur
salary!..
6- when u r in a bus nd u throw away
#1000 note instead of gala wrapper...
7- when u r ontop of a bike nd d okada man
is pinging, heaven(or hell) beckons....
8- when u jes finished eatin in an eatery nd
u find out u 4got ur wallet in a taxi. U go
wash plate tire...
9- when Usain Bolt chases u wit cutlass, dnt
bother running, jes beg!...
10- when u gif a begger #500 instead of
#50...
11- when u saw a snake in ur room nd u
went nd locked d door nd Nepa takes lite.
# lobatan!
12- Trouble is when u tel a chemist u want
sm condoms, nd u realize he iz ur pastor.
Omo u go b topic 4 discussion next
Sunday.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-07 10:20:14

425 Views




Without a world, there are no friends;

But without friends there’s no world.

Thanks for being the world to me!Related

On their second night after the wedding, Santa and Jeeto shut off the lights and crawl under the sheets. Turning anxiously towards Jeeto, Santa tenderly informs her that tonight he wants a hand job instead of the usual stuff. Jeeto, being the proper girl that she is, had absolutely no idea what a “hand job” was. So, she gets out of bed, puts on her robe and heads for the phone to call her mother.

“Mom,” she says, “My hubby wants a hand job and I don`t know what he means.”

“Oh, Jeetoy,” says her mother, “that`s real simple. Just grab his thing and shake it like you were trying to get ketchup out of a bottle.”

“Gee, Mom, that`s easy enough,” she replies.

So she hangs up the phone, removes her robe and crawls back into the sack. She snuggles up to Santa, grabs his thing firmly with one hand and starts beating the end with the other.Related

Pati-Patni Blue Film Dekh Rahe Thhe, Achank Patni Ne Puccha.



Patni: “Aap Us Aadmi Ki Tarah Itni Jayada Der Tak Kyu Nahi Karte ?”



Pati: “Pagli Wo Uski Patni Nahi Hai Na, Tu Apni Bahan Se Puchh Ke To Dekh.“Related

Akpos jokes no dey tire us. So, here is another Akpos joke. Here he’s a University student who shocked his lecturer with the kind of English he didn’t expect. Akpos is a varsity student. The Lecturer ordered him to write an apology letter showing why he didn’t submit an assignment. Dear Lecturer, I’m sorry I could not do the homework on time because I was tired after watching television. Thank you.. The Lecturer warns him to write a formal letter with formal English or reflective of a varsity student lest
he be punished. This is what Akpos wrote… Dear knowledge conduit, My sovereign persona is thoroughly apologetic for my sordid academic behavioural inactivity or academic hibernation as regards the assignment. Unfortunately, our smart Samsung HDTV was visually competitive in relation to the assignment, prompting me to fall prey to its seduction to the detriment of the assignment. Ultimately, my exhaustion directed my nocturnally loyal body to my bed thereby rendering me half dead
albeit still breathing in the process. Best Regards.
Akpos
#?BOLLY_SMART?™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-14 17:02:02

509 Views




EPs 12

Henry holds the door knob, he has the urge to open it but something holds him from doing it, maybe it could be the glaring reflection on the mirror or the voices. He summoned courage and swung the door open. It still took him few seconds before he walks into the bathroom . He caught glimpse of the mirror, there was no glaring reflection . His beard are already pumping out henry doesn't like beard with some reasons best known to him, but one is that he thinks it makes him look older than his colleagues. That's why he shaved once every week. He open the drawer and brought his shaving stick and shaving cream out. pressing the cream , notting was coming out it was empty .
"Shit " he exclaimed
Damn kid. Zack !!!! He yelled out from the bathroom his voice echoed .
Zack although his only 13, he seems to be seeing beards and to him it's makes him look older than his classmate /age mates, to avoid mocking and beefs from other students he decides to shave it off.
Henry walks angrily towards Zack bedroom
He barges in barking
" how many times do I have to tell you to stop using my god-damn cream!!!
Zack was a little bit shock and confused the way his father speak vaguely.
" dad I didn't use your cream beside I have mine" Zack replied still staring at his boiling dad.
Henry felt a strange wind pass by he start hearing echos of a language he can't identify or understand , it was hissing. He felt instant dizziness , he look at zack
" stupid man because of a small cream you are barking like a puppy hahahahaha. The laughter kept repeating , he grabbed hold of Zack's head hits it on the wall
" how dear you talk to me like that huh, huh
He drag and fling him hard, Zack acquired some minor inquiries from the fall.
"Dad I didn't say anything " Zack sobs
" you dear deny it huh what you tryna say that I'm a lier huh, huh "
He drag Zack roughly
Jane rushed in and pushed henry off
"What do you think you are doing " she bark furiously as she charges on henry hitting him , slapping him randomly .
"Are you out of your mind. Henry where're your senses" she bellowed.
She had never know henry of being this violent , her husband she use to know never touches or hit any of the children , this man she is seeing now is a different man .
The voice that echoes in Henry's head faded and finally stopped. Not minding his sweating and panting wife he saw Zack on the floor with bruises
"Zack did you got in to a fight" he ask as he approaches him . Zack could not answer those questions as he glare at his father
Henry looks at his wife with all those sweats
" Jane did you got into a fight with Zack ?
" you did that to him" Jane said angrily
" me? , What . no, no "
" shut up henry' Jane yelled ' you did that to your son
Gesturing at Zack who's still on the floor finding it hard to stand.
Henry was more confused with the situation he never recall doing that to Zack.
" what did you mean I did that, I can never do that you know I though...
'It was me , jane cuts in 'with all these sweat I get trying to stop you from causing more damage on him , you thought it was me huh.
Jane couldn't utter any other word
She grab hold of Zack helping him to be on his feet as both staggered out of the room slamming the door.
Henry sat down with his face up, he doubt himself but he Saw blood on his hand probably not his but whose ? Zack's .
" oh God no, no "
His eye glance at Zack's digital camera .
Zack was probably doing a home video of himself , when he barges in.
He pick up the camera, flip it sid3 to side
He saw something which got his attention as he glance at the screen
," sav3d video, press play to watch"
Without hesitating he pressed play and the video start playing.
Zack was doing a couple of freestyle vibs .
Zack always had a dream of becoming a successful musician , as Zack was performing something cuts Zack attention it was when he barge into the room, he could see himself hitting his son head on the hard cement wall . dragging him, the screen flipped over probably the camera fell of from where it was set but he could still hear scream , yelling. In the background before the video stopped...
"Jesus Christ " he exclaimed
He still can't get to believe that the man on the video was him
When did all this happen , he never remembered doing any of what he just watched
"No, no no
He stood up, swung the door open, he search around for Zack and probably found them.
Jane was applying worn water on Zack bruises , Zack letting out a faint grunt
" dad did you do that to Zack?" Linda asking as tears run down her check.
No, no honey he approaches towards Linda
" don't come closer to me dad, just go
Henry sight marry who's sobbing, he has probably done the worst thing in his life ,
To not push further or worsen the situation , he g3t his car k3y and drove off
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Dur Hoke Bhi Aapke Paas Raha Karte Hain…
Teri Yaadon Ke Sahare Jeeya Karte Hain.

Tujh Se Koi Shikayat Na Gila Karte Hain.
Tu Salamat Rahe Bas Yahi Dua Karte Hain.Related
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