Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:

Perfect Shot [Read it]


During a golf game, a guy stands over
his tee shot for what seems an eternity:
looking up, looking down, measuring
the distance, figuring the wind direction
and speed. Finally, his exasperated partner says,
"What's taking so long? Hit the damn
ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there
watching me from the clubhouse. I
want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner.
"You'll never hit her from he


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-09-21 21:18:29

237 Views



AKPO DON VEX [Read it]


A native doctor and a girl
were making love under a
tree. After the act, the girl
asked; Did you use condom?
The native doctor replied;
No! But why are you asking?
The girl replied; What if i
get pregnant, who will take
care of the baby?
The native doctor said; Let's
leave it for the one above.
Akpos who was smoking at
the top of the tree jumped
down and said;
Are you crazy. Leave what
for
who. I'm i the one that slept
with her.
One word for Akpos....


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-01 20:25:48

1058 Views




Mehnat Itni Khamoshi Se Karo Ke Safalta Shor Machade.

This somehow reminds us of

.

..



….

….



..

.

Pregnancy and Child Birth!Related

frank and wife [Read it]


A man caught is wife in bed with is friend and out of anger he took is gun and killed is friend! 


Out of fear his wife shouted "FRANK! FRANK! FRANK! if you continue like this you will loose all your friends o


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-20 14:31:08

735 Views




Banta: Are you going to attend the boss’ funeral?

Santa: Oh No! I’m working today. My motto is business before pleasure.Related

Riddles [Read it]


A cock is under a tree nd d cock is about 2 lay eggs @ d right is rough surface nd @ d left is smooth surface, hw wil it lay d egg without breaking or destroy.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-30 09:11:09

520 Views





Amara went to see her parents because she was told that Mrs uche her mother was seriously sick,well that was what they told her,she was so worried and pray nothing happens to her mother, she horn at the gate of Mr and Mrs uche house and the gate was opened for her,she came down from the car,she admired the house,this use to be her home but not any longer if only her parents has agreed to follow her she shouldn't have be coming back here,she really don't want to have any thing to do with maxwell, so as won't want to be seen around his properties.

She went into the house and was shocked to see mrs ada Marcus and maxwell in the sitting room, mrs ada Marcus was sitted close to mrs uche and Mr uche was sitting opposite them while maxwell was standing at the conner close to the dinner table,she was also surprise to see mrs uche sitting comfortably, she doesn't look sick to her,she greeted all of them but left maxwell out.

Amara : i thought you said you are sick but you look fine to me.

Mr uche :amara why don't you sit down

Amara sat down facing all of them

Mr uche :we wanted to see you that's why we had to lie,you wouldn't have come if i told you we want to have a meeting with you.

Amara wasn't happy for what they did and it was written all over her

Amara :you could atleast tell me the truth, do you know i almost had an heart attack.

Mrs uche :it was my idea and am sorry for that but we needed to see you,Amara why are you doing this to us,what have me and your father done to receive this for you.

Amara :mama,you people haven't done anything wrong to be ,what ever i am doing i am doing for myself and i know what I am doing

Maxwell: (smiled) you know what you are doing,tell me what do you know

Amara angryly looked at maxwell

Amara :was i talking to you or have you now suddenly become my parents.

Maxwell h please why will i want to take your parents position, but seriously you are acting like someone that just came from.....

Amara interrupted with a Lond voice

Amara :you are definitely referring to yourself

Mr uche :it okey,will you people stop,what is really going on between you two.

Maxwell :sir,i really have no problem ,i think that question should be for her

Mrs ada Marcus :Amara please whatever the problem is let it not destroy what you and maxwell has be building for long now,let that love till stand.

Amara :love,did you say love,maxwell knew all along that there was no love between the both of us

Mrs ada Marcus :then why am I hearing it now,why didn't you bring up this issue at the beginning of your relationship why now,don't give me the impression that you were only using my son to settle your life first before leaving him.

Amara :mam,i am not cheap,fine maxwell saw me through school and did alot more for me that i appreciate and i could have love to be with him,but you see maxwell knows where the problem is coming from so why don't you people ask him and stop bothering me.

Mrs uche :we are bothering you.

Mr uche :i don't want to know what the problem might be but I want you people to settle it Right now,are you people listening to me.

Amara: papa,seriously i could have love to but I don't think that will ever happen

Mrs ada Marcus :and what is that suppose to mean

Amara :i mean no disrespect but it like you all are not seeing the handwriting on the wall,it over between us and there is no going back

Immediately maxwell laughed,amare was surprise to see him laugh she knows she haven't said anything funny.

Maxwell :Amara you are very funny,don't do that seriously, don't even think of leaving me.

Amara :and why can't I

Maxwell is now angry

Maxwell :because you belong to me and me alone, if you dare leave i swear I will kill you and kill myself.

Amara was frightened by his words

Mrs ada Marcus :no maxwell you will do no sure thing

Maxwell :i will so do it if she leave me i will end it

Mr uche :this is stupid, we are here to slove the problem not add to it

Maxwell raised the tone of his voice

Maxwell:well she is adding to it

Amara quickly got up

Amara :i am not scared of you maxwell before i was but now I am not,and there is nothing you can do to make me change my mind

Mrs uche :will you shut up your mouth, who have you be listening to ah.

Maxwell :there no other person that will be doing that if not chidi,he has been filling her head with lot and lot of stories

Mr uche:i think i have heard that name before

Mrs uche: yes I have told you about him

Maxwell lower his voice

Maxwell :amare whatever chidi has told you are lies you shouldn't listen to him,he is only here to get back at me,he want to destroy us and nothing more

Mrs ada Marcus :let me get this, Amara is it because of this boy that is always making you paint my son black.

Amara f course not

Mrs ada Marcus :then why.

Maxwell :mum stop asking her,she think she knows what she is getting herself into,how can she believe a guy that tried to kill me.

They were all surprised

Mr uche :he tried to kill you

Maxwell :he was the same guy that tried to kill me six years ago, you all know him

Mrs uche shouted

Mrs uche :ahhhh....,amare you have killed me

Mr uche :amara,is it not the same boy i warned you about.

Amara :you don't even know if maxwell is lieing

Mr uche :is that what he told you or you are just telling us to make us side you

Amara : papa, he nevered tryed to kill maxwell

Maxwell h now i am lieing ( maxwell move closer to amara ) you are now calling me a lier.

Amara :you know you are lieing

Maxwell got to where she was and held her arm

Maxwell :you think you are smart

held her tighter,and this cause her pain

Amara :ah ah,let go off me.

Maxwell whispered into her ear)you belong to me,i won't allow any one have you if not me

Amara can no longer resist the pain,she cried out in pain

Amara :maxwell please you are hurting me

Maxwell :hurt,do you know the meaning of pain

Amara :ah,ah,please stop

Mrs ada Marcus :maxwell

Maxwell :i love you Amara and i will die without you,you have to come back to me.

Mr uche got up

Mr uche :maxwell that's enough

Mrs uche :maxwell you are hurting her

Mr uche :maxwell i said stop

Mrs ada Marcus went to them and tryed to remove maxwell holded on amara

Mrs ada marcus:Maxwell that's okey,let her go,i said let her go

Maxwell let go of amara, everyone was shocked to see maxwell like that,maxwell looked at amara with pain and anger in his eyes and walked out of the sitting room,mrs uche got up

Mrs uche :amara

Amara looked at her mother with tear in her eyes and ran out of the sitting room, mrs uche tryed to go after her but before she could get to her she has already drove out of the house, they were not happy,this isn't what they planed they felt that they have made things worse,amare was deeply hurt,she got home and saw chidi car till park outside her house, she whip the tear from her eyes,she walk down to where his car is and knocked at the glass door,seeing amara brought smile on his face,he opened the door and came door,amare too force out a smile, she wouldn't want chidi to know she has been crying.

Amara :i thought you could have left.

Chidi :no,i promise to wait and i did.

They both laughed and went inside the house,chidi knew she wasn't okey but decided not to ask her yet, Amare sat down and chidi sat close to her,chidi wasn't looking happy and amara notice it

Amara :are you alright

Chidi:yeah am fine

Amara :no you are not,what's the problem

Chidi :i won't tell you

Amara:why

Chidi :not until you tell me why you were crying

Amara signed she never knew chidi will notice

Chidi :amara,i want you back

Amara stirred at him

Chidi :there is a lot of things going on right now and i want to be able to fight for you,i want you to let me fight for you,please

Amara :you know i have always love you and i will continue to love you,i want you to be hero, and always be by my side.

Chidi was so happy to hear this,he never knew it will be that easy,he hugged her so tight,they hugged for like some minutes before letting go.

Amara :so now tell me why are you sad

Chidi:my mum,i told her about you and she said she can never accept you,i tryed making her see reasons with me but she just want me to marry someone else.

Amara h,

Chidi :her name is dora,she came back with them when then went to visit my sister that gave birth and she has been leaving with us since then.

Amara:so what are you going to do about it

Chidi :nothing, i already told her I can't,it is you i love and will always love,

Chidi held her hands

Amara :i am just coming from my parents place

Chidi:now i know why you were crying,so how did it go

Amara :my father called me telling me my mum was sick,i went there to see her,but to my greatest surprise i saw maxwell and his mother there too,at first I thought they came to pay her a visit but they prove me wrong,they actually lied to me,my mum wasn't sick at all

Chidi:but why did they have to lie

Amara :they said that was the only way I could want to have a meeting with maxwell.

Chidi :i see,so what did they say

Amara :rubbish,i really can't say but chidi am just scared.

Chidi :why

Amara :maxwell threatened to kill me if i don't come back to him and he was serious about it.

Chidi laughed

Chidi :relax maxwell can't do anything to you

Amara :chidi,he can,maxwell can be crazy sometimes, i have seen it,i really don't want anything to happen to you,i have lost you once and i don't want to lose you again.

Chidi touched her cheek )i am going nowhere, i am here to stay,i left before but this time i am going to stand by you,so don't worry.

Amara :i believe you Chidi

She rest her head on his chest

Amara :i love you chidi

Chidi :i love you more

Just then he noticed her finger was empty

Chidi :where is your ring

Amara :i removed it,it doesn't belong there anymore

Chidi :did you give it to him

Amara :no,but I will

Chidi:i will soon replace it with a beautiful one

Amara :i don't need a ring in the same finger

Chidi :then I will put it wherever you want,

They both smiled

Chidi:yesterday was my birthday

Amara sat up shocked

Amara :for real but you never told me

Chidi :that's because I didn't celebrate it,i just don't want to.

Amara :i didn't get any gift for you

Chidi :don't worry you can till give it to me when ever you have it.

Amara wasn't happy, she has always wanted to surprise him on his birthday, she has prepared so much for it but she never knew it will come so soon,she really want to give him something that will cost her alot,and she knew he deserve it.

What do you people think the gift will be,
Drop your comments if you are following.


>>

hahahahahahaha.?....Shame On Ebola
Imagine when a mad man is running because
of ebola...
When the president is also bathing with salt
and water...
When Barrack Obama orders for huge bulks of
coats and helment...
When "There is god oh" converts to "Ebola dey
oh!"...
When everybody dodges one another...
When sex becomes rampant,No handshake,no
kiss,no hug...
When even the pastor cannot even lay hands
on members...
"A woman came to church to testify that she
had ebola.Before she could utter another
word,the church was empty,the pastor had
jumped out from the window!"
When HIV came,stigmatiza?tion was so
large....Now its ebola and STIMATIZATION is so
much more larger!
When will this nonsense stop?
Its time we use a single sentence and put ebola
to shame! If you are with me,comment "SHAME
ON YOU EBOLA!" and SHARE this message and
if you are not with me,ignore!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-23 21:03:16

251 Views




Guard the 3 Ts for Life:

Your Thought when alone;

Your Tongue when in public;

Your Temper when with loved ones!

Have a Good Day!Related

Akpos and his teacher were having a discussion class.

The teacher says

It`s oval in shape
It expand when stretched
It has some liquids around it
It has hairs around it
All female has it.
It makes a woman beautiful.
"what part of the body is that?" asked the teacher
"Its virginal" says Akpos.
"Haba! Akpos, does virgina makes women beautiful?. Your mind is full of negative thoughts."
"Anyway, the correct answer is the `eye ball`" says the teacher.

its Akpos turn now.

A man went to the beach with his wife one cool evening.
The man was standing on a boat alone at the middle of the river.
Gradually, the boath sink inside and the man doesn`t know how to swim.
He started shouting "Please help me!"
The wife heard him but can`t jump in to help because she can`t swim.
She saw that the man is already dying and rushed to the bank.
"What did the woman went to the bank to do?" asked Akpos
"Hahaha what else if not to withdraw all the man`s money" says the teacher.
Akpos laughed and say "Women and money. All your thoughts are all about money?"
"Anyway, she rushed to the bank of the river to call for help"

Akpos and his teacher who is more smart?

HAPPY CHILDREN`S DAY




NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 19:42:01

28488 Views




A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"


"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"


"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"


"Would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie."


"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."


When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"


"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."


The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"


"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, till date, unused."


Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-08 06:13:55

165 Views




Teacher: 9 - 1 = ?
Akpos: 0
Teacher: how?
Akpos: 9 is made up of 1 that carries 0 on his head.
Teacher: Fool! Who thought you that?
Akpos: my father


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-19 20:24:53

410 Views




RAPTITUDE 2 BY DINDY

KARMA RAP BY DINDY

My law has no karma influence, it goes like an under carriage part.
Your dude tells you he fantasizes about you and you go a-wire.
Me just looking at your back attitude because I know it's all gonna turn around.
Back then we sell at karma but now we are paid for karma.
No other bad bitch like me because I flow all around.
Bitches tryna trail on me like some rail.
My karma got nature to change teaching assignment.
I am trying to rap around my tape.
Seasonal circle changes like a karma gear.
The world is about karma.
I fly so high in my circle karma.
Things you see are things I have circled through.
At the beginning of my karma bitches didn't like me but now I am at the end of my karma, so I did what they did to me.
Karma is an old sh*t to the new generation.
We still gat the old flows for this generation.
No karma can touch me and no karma can reach me.
l've been caught doing good and I've been caught giving food.
The law praises me for its karma.
I learnt karma from the sun when it stayed all day then goes all night and comes back again with its light.
Disc-jockeys do the karma law turning the music round and round.
I ain't karma but I would make you an eight.
My songs keep rolling in your head because it's karma.

#Dindyonthemic.
I hope you guys like it? , more coming.

DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 3.









NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-12-12 20:07:28

161 Views



two idiot [Read it]


DAD: What's 10 plus 10?
Son: I don't know.
DAD: Idiot! You can't answer such a cheap sum...Your stupidity will kill you.

Son: Daddy, if you saw a 1000 naira note and a 500 naira note which would you pick?
DAD: 1000 of course
Son: Idiot! Can't you pick both? Poverty will kill you.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 00:54:26

635 Views




The next morning I lay in my bed staring at the wall in front of me. It was strange how differently I looked at things since I'd discovered I was sick. Small things that I'd taken for granted before weren't small anymore. I took a deep breath and released it trying to keep a handle on the emotions swirling around inside of me.

The fear that I wouldn't survive hit me like a brick wall and I struggled to breathe as the panic took over. Sitting up I tried to gasp air in and out. I tried to push all thoughts of my sickness from my mind but I couldn't stop thinking of what little time I might still have left if this brain tumor was cancerous or they couldn't remove it.

I was just starting out in life, I had so much more to do and I wasn't ready to die yet. There hadn't even been time for be to be with someone. My feelings for Grey had made it impossible to even consider someone else.

I took a deep breath and released it as my panic began to ease. Marriage is something I'd always wanted and children. Another deep breath and I released it. It had never ever crossed my mind that there would be a chance I would not live long enough to do all the things I wanted to.

Shaking my head I tried to stop thinking about all the things I could miss, I needed to hold to the hope that I would make it through. Thinking positive was the only way I would be able to handle all of this. If I just gave in then I was as good as dead.

I got out of bed and had a shower. Trying not to think about the tumor and my appointment with the specialist was nearly impossible. But I was trying to look to the good side of things.

The top specialist might be able to do something that the other specialist hadn't had the experience to do. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be as bad as the initial specialist had diagnosed. I felt more hopeful as I dried myself off and got changed. I had to make a concerted effort to stop myself from wallowing in my pity.

The house was quiet. It was late morning and usually everyone would be up by now but I had a feeling they'd been up late trying to grasp the news I'd given them. Alone in the kitchen I made some coffee and leaned against the counter as I took my first sip.

There was no sound but something made me look to the kitchen doorway where Grey stood watching me pensively. I felt my heart tug at the sight of him. Maybe it was because I might not have a lot of time left I allowed myself to feel the love that I'd been trying to suppress for so long.

Now keeping him at bay or playing games seemed such a waste of time. I gave him a tentative smile trying to mask the chaos going on inside of me. I still loved him. The way he'd been around me last night had helped me tell my parents. He'd been so supportive and I was grateful. Even if I could only have him as a friend I was glad to have him at all.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he stepped into the kitchen walking to me. He looked like he hadn't slept all night and I felt guilty knowing I was the reason. He ran a hand through his bed messed hair.

"I'm okay," I said. Saying I felt fine just wasn't right because I wasn't fine. "Do you want coffee?"

He nodded his head as he came to stand beside me. I made him a coffee while a heavy and somber silence enclosed us.

Once I'd made the coffee I gave it to him and leaned against the counter intent on finishing my coffee.

"Thank you," I said to him ending the silence. I put my cup down on the counter.

"For what?" he asked studying me with the cup in his hands.

"For getting me an appointment with the specialist," I said holding his gaze. I knew it hadn't been easy.

"You're welcome," he said softly setting his cup down on the counter. He took as step closer and took my hand in both of his. Being so close and having him touch me made me feel all giddy inside. He held my hand in his so gently like he was scared he would break me as his eyes fixed on our connected hands.

"Will you come with me somewhere?" he asked, "I want talk to you alone."

I felt a flutter inside my stomach at the thought of being alone with him. I swallowed trying to hide my nervousness as I nodded my head.

There were no questions from me about what he wanted to talk to me about. He found a writing pad and a pen and wrote a short message for my family, which he stuck to fridge with a magnet.

Feeling curious and nervous I followed him out my house and to his car. We got in and he started it up. He was quiet and seemed to be lost in his thoughts as we drove. It wasn't long before he pulled up by the lake.

I smiled at all the childhood memories the lake held for me. We'd spent a lot of our childhood here swimming here. Pulling myself from some of our history I turned to face him as he switched off the car.

There was a few moments silence before he turned to face me. I waited patiently for him to say what was on his mind. I knew finding out I was sick and there was a good chance I would die had hit him and my family hard.

"Harp," he said softly. His eyes held mine. The sound of his voice and the look in his eyes hit me hard and I felt a shiver of nervousness run through me.

"What...do you want to talk about?" I asked trying to sound normal but I heard the hesitation in my voice.

Suddenly in the confined space of his car with his deep gaze I felt vulnerable. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and tried to stop myself from fidgeting as I waited for him talk.

"Where is the necklace I gave you?" he asked and my fingers went to my neck that was bare. How could I tell him the truth? That I'd been so upset with him I'd taken it off and hidden it away because looking at it hurt. I was tempted to tell him I'd lost it but something stopped me.

"It's in my jewelry box," I said.

"Don't you like it?" he asked staring at me with his baby blue eyes that made me feel like I was under a microscope.

"I do, I'm just scared I'll lose it." I let the little white lie roll of my tongue.

"Please wear it," he said as his one hand reach for mine and I felt the warmth of his hand enclose around mine.

I nodded my head unable to talk without stuttering like an idiot.

"Do you know why I brought you here?" he asked softly as his eyes left mine to look in the direction of the lake. It was beautiful as the sun shone off the surface of the water. It was quiet and it felt like we were the only people there although I could see a couple of other cars around.

"No."

I dropped my gaze to his hand that still held mine. As nervous as I felt about what he wanted to talk about I couldn't stop the happiness I felt at the way he held my hand in his. It was such a small gesture that meant so much more to me.

This had always been my problem with him. I'd taken all his small gestures and put them together which had made me hope that he actually felt more for me. Mentally I shook my mind trying to make myself stop daydreaming about things that would never happen.

I pulled my hand out of his as his gaze came back to me. He frowned.

"You remember the one summer we all came down to swim and Tommy and his friends were teasing you," he said smiling at the memory.

I nodded my head as I remembered it.

"Do you remember when I hit Tommy for teasing you?" he asked softly as he watched me.

I nodded my head. Tommy had been an ass. He'd been teasing me about something and his friends had egged him on.

"You remember what I did to him?" he asked and I nodded my head.

Grey had walked over to him and had hit him. I'd been shocked and from that day onwards Tommy never even looked in my direction again. My crush had been in full force by then and that had just made me secretly love him more.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 06:00:11

478 Views




The following Saturday was here already, i left the house so early as i had engagement with my coaching class. I finished my class around 2pm and headed to Aisha’s place, i was in her place till 5pm before i decided that she should let us go to my own place to go and witness Ezekiel’s birthday. We got home and saw a lot of cars on our street, everywhere were blasting as the music was so loud, I saw Ismaeel in the midst of some guys and he was just enjoying himself with what i felt look like alcohol. Amina, Angela and Christiana were also there.
There was smoke everywhere and drinks all over the place. I even blame myself for coming home as i couldn’t go outside my room again. Ismaeel later came to the room with a glass on his hand and was already smelling of Alcohol. Never knew he even drink with fornication, i was not surprise though as i expected anything from him ever since that incident happened, he came into the house with Amaka and they were all over themselves and even kissing in the room as i was staring at them.
Ismaeel later instructed Amaka to get us something to eat, Amaka was already drunk but my mind told me she knows what she was doing. They both went out and Amaka came back with two malt and a plate full of fried rice after almost an hour.
I dint eat instantly as i was not that hungry and i told Aisha probably we will use it as our night food or better stil take it to her place to eat as i couldn’t stay in the vicinity because it was not conducive for me. We left my place around 7pm and my plan was to return home later in the evening when everybody would have gone home and they would have finish the party.
We got to her place around 7:30pm, i observed the last prayer for the day and Aisha warm the rice for me. There was a leftover beans we ate in the afternoon which Aisha said she doesn’t want it to spoil so she will prefer to eat it and eat her own rice the following morning. We did everything together, infact it was as if i was the one that warm the rice and beans while she used the opportunity to clear her toilet of unwashed clothes.
I eat my rice around 8pm and the next thing i knew was that me and Aisha was naked on her bed, everywhere was bright at that particular time and my deek was standing so strong. I looked at myself, looked at Aisha, looked all around the house to ascertain where i was. Yes, i was in Aisha’s room, i started recollecting what happened, i came to the house, i prayed, brought the food out of the nylon bag, warm it, came to the room and eat. Those were the things i remembered.
I checked the time, it was 9am in the morning, what happened for me to be naked? Definitely i had sex but i seriously need an explanation.
I was still thinking of what happened when Aisha woke up
Aisha: Salam aleikum
Me: wa aleikum salam…what happened? Did we have sex again? How did i sleep in this place?
Aisha: “laughing”…what happened as how? We had sex and you were even the one that initiated it
Me: me, how? Initiated sex?
Aisha: You know i was in the bathroom while you were eating
Me: yes….then what happened?
Aisha: I came into the room and met you relaxing your back on the bed, i packed your plate and took them to the kitchen. I came back with my own food. We started talking and we were saying so many things about how you love me and everything…we talked about our future and what you want us to be like
Me: me? I said all that?
Aisha: You even told me about Ismaeel with his numerous girlfriend, you talked about how he had sex in the room with Amaka while you were in the room with them in the mid night. The look on their face when NEPA restored light and all of you were looking at each other.
The day you came to sleep here that we had sex, you told me it was actually Ismaeel that pushed you out of the room because you couldn’t sleep with him inside the same room with another girl.
Me: Subhanallahi, I said all that? (That was when i realized that definitely i never knew what i was doing cos i never explained what transpired between me and Ismaeel to anybody before),
Aisha: yes of course or how else will i know all these? So, one thing led to the other, we started kissing even though you were just eating my lips as you don’t even know how to kiss, from kissing you moved ahead to my breast and started sucking me real hard even though you were just pouring spit on my breast but i was seriously enjoying it.
Do you know you actually fucck me on my reading table? Wallahi you were so hard and uncontrollable, i felt i was going to die with the way you handled me, you were just saying so many things that i couldn’t remember. Wallahi, i have never had this kind of sex in my life before. We started around 8:30pm and for almost an hour, you didn’t release, i was begging you to release but you didn’t, i was happy when you finally came when we went on missionary style after an hour, i couldn’t believe i came two times and squirt within just an hour. Look at how wet the bed is, its not our sweat but my squirt…You slept off immediately you released
Me: uhmmmmm………
Aisha: I love you so much baby, you mean everything to me baby…………….
I was so disappointed in myself but i couldn’t phantom how all that happened, i never suspected any foul play from Aisha as i trusted her so much or was it spiritual attack? So many thought on my mind that was not adding up, i later accepted that another mistake has happened.
Aisha warmed the remaining rice and i told her i was going to eat bread and stew as she has some at home. There was nothing to hide again as Aisha was roaming through the room almost naked, initially, she was not having anything on but later put on her transparent night gown while i was on my boxers.
Aisha was so beautiful inside, it was the hijab and Jalamia she usually put on that hide her beauty, even her structure was second to none. I couldn’t help but stare at her as she walked around the room, i was very weak so i couldn’t do anything. She later brought the food and settled for her own rice. She finished eating and barely 10 minutes, she started saying nonsense.

>>

drunkard [Read it]


Who among these 3 drunkards is more
drunk?

xxxxxxxxxx????????xxxxx.

*1..after drinking he* *went inside the hotel's** *rest room to urinate and on entering**the* *toilet*, he* *saw the reflection of* *himself on the mirror* *and shouted* *"Oh,*
*sorry, somebody is*
*even here".*

*OR*

*2..After drinking, he got up and started searching for his phone all around. He puts on the phones' torch light* *(the one*
*he is looking for) to enable him look for the phone and in the* *process the same phone rang, he picked* *up and answered* *"please call me back,* *I'm looking for my*
*phone "*

*OR*
*3. After drinking, he entered his car and drove off, on*
*getting to the major road, he saw Dangote's trailer that has been there for three years, he quietly went and park behind the trailer, after three hours, he started shouting*
*"what kind of Go slow is this sef!"...thinking he was in a traffic jam.* ????????????????????... don't laugh too much ok.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-07-14 23:09:36

449 Views




Its Saturday, no lectures. I did my laundry,
arranged my room, prepared something to eat,
ate, rested, read my books then rested again
using my phone to surf the internet, chatted on
whatsapp, facebook, bbm till i got bored. I don’t
know what else to do, i guess i needed some
company but who?
I called Promise if she could come over but she
went home for weekend. I called Titus if i could
come over to his place but he wasn’t picking.
d--n it! I need friends!! and a girlfriend!!!
I decided to call Esther, good thing i didn’t
delete her number.
Esther: Hello
Me: How u doing?
Esther: Fine
Me: How’s ur day going?
Esther: Not too good
Me: What’s wrong?
Esther: What do u care
Me: I cared to call and asked whats wrong when
u’re not in a good state
Esther: What about all this while?
Me: I’ve been sick, did u even try to check on
me?
Esther: I didn’t know, i was waiting for your call
Me: Alright, where are u now?
Esther: Hostel
Me: I guess u’re feeling bored right?
Esther: Kind of
Me: Can u come over to my place?
Esther: Where?
Me: D.S.V off camp room 4
Esther: What do u have for me?
Me: What do u want?
Esther: Anything nice
Me: Alright, till u come
Ended the call, i went to purchase 3 noodles, 4
eggs, sardine and hollandia yogurt (d--n, see
what Boriness cost me). I waited for 10mins
before preparing the noodles then stood at my
doorpost awaiting her arrival. She arrived, i
ushered her in while she was sniffing like a dog.
Esther: What is this aroma i’m perceiving?
Me: Swear u don’t know
Esther: I can guess
Me: Have a seat
She sat down while i brought out a movie and
inserted it into my laptop.
Esther: What movie is that
Me: You will know, just watch
Esther: I don’t like all those fighty fighty films
(Really? U must like erot-c movies abi)
Me: Me too
I served the meal while we’re watching the
movie. Series of romantic scenes were shown i
noticed she was so still. After cancelling the
meal, we paid more attention on the movie until
the first part got finished.
Me: So… u like the movie?
Esther: Don’t tell me u don’t have the next part
Me: And if i don’t?
Esther: I will strangle u right now
Me: Are u sure u’re that powerful?
Esther: Ofcoz
Me: No part 2 *tongues out*
Esther: Aarrghh!
She jumped on me trying to harm me, while i
seized the opportunity to caress her waist as
she was on top of me. She moved up and down
on me trying to harm me playfully sha. That
stimulated vame to sprang up from its slumber.
I was caressing all over her back, waist and
thigh until i proceeded further by grabbing her a
$$. That made her stopped what she was doing
and looked me in the eyes while i did same, she
didn’t say or do anything. So i Continued
caressing her softly, i placed my two hands on
her a$$ massaging it gently she didn’t do
nothing. I held her waist and positioned her so
i’d be on top, she kept staring at me like i
charmed her or something. I kissed her cheek,
then her neck severally, i kissed her lips but she
didn’t respond to it. I’m not enjoying this, it
even made vame shy. I pulled back and ask…
Me: Are u ok?
Esther: Are u done?
Wow! Vame immediately rise again and said Hell
No!! I’m just getting starte… Didn’t complete the
statement when she rushed me aggressively
sucking my lips like a girlfriend who wants to
please her boyfriend that just won a lottery.
I tried to catch up but she was too fast and
wild… we continued for like a minute or two until
she disengaged from the kissing to pulling off
my shirt and my pants simultaneously then
inserted vame into her mouth sucking it like a
hungry child sucking momma’s b----t…

To Be Continued.... #B-goF

>> Part 6 -

On the occasion of ” tulsi vivaah”…
.
.
.
.

.
Alia Bhat wishes ” Smriti Iraani” for happy married life !Related

Sugar Free [Read it]


Akpos entered a supermarket and bought a juice,when he was coming out of the supermarket he went out with a packet of sugar,when asked to pay for the sugar he refused and was arrested,on his day of judgement.
Magistrate:Akpos are you innocent or guilty.
Akpos:i am innocent when i bought the juice at the back of the juice it was written SUGAR FREE.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-22 17:11:16

392 Views




Few days after chrismas akpos was playing with his toy train then he said all you bitches leaving the train get out fast and all you bitches entering get in fast his mother hearing this told him akpos we dont use such languages in this house and go up to your room for two hours when you come back and play use kind and good word, after two hour akpos came back and started playing with the train he said all of you disembarking go out carefully and dont forget your luggages and those of you coming in put your luggages carefully under your sit, dont smoke except you are in the bar area and dont blame me for the two hours delay but you can blame the bitch over there hearing this akpos' mother fainted


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-15 17:17:11

365 Views



Shoki! [Read it]


oyah shokiki shoki ahhh
????
?/|>
????
/ /
????????
Congratulations Nigerians!
Petrol Price Has now dropped to 57 naira all thanks to Buhari. You can now purchase Petrol for 57naira on Jumia, Konga and all OLX petrol stations.
For more lies please text APC to 419


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-10 09:55:07

281 Views




Ana was looking through the window at the passing cars, thinking about the incidents that happened in the past week. She felt as if she was carrying a burden on her shoulders, trying to figure out a way to let Rahul know about Ria and Vicky.

Suddenly she noticed Rahul's red Mercedes turning right into a strip mall on the opposite side of the road. She asked Miso to take a 'U" turn and catch up with Rahul's car.

As they turned into the mall towards Rahul's car, they saw Javier, Rahul's driver, get out of the car and walk towards the mall. Miso stopped the car and shouted to get Javier's attention.

"Hey Javier, how are you? Where is Mr Shah?" Ana asked Javier, as he approached them.

"Thanks Miss Ana, I am doing fine. I am not sure, most probably at his apartment."

"Ok, I thought it was him. If you have the car, how is he gonna get to the party?"

"I am not sure. Today morning, he sent me a text with instructions to buy some medicines and get the car serviced, so I am just following them. He said, I could take rest of the day off."

"What kind of medicines and when did you give him?" Ana suddenly got worried.

"Not sure, looked like antibiotics. I left them with the concierge to deliver them to Mr Shah as per his instructions."

"Ok, thanks Javier." Ana got into the SUV, "Miso, change of plans, drop me at Mr Shah's residence and then you can leave. You should still be able to make it to your appointment."

"Ms Ana, what about the party? I can still take you after you visit Mr Shah." He offered.

"Its ok, I can take a cab." She replied, still thinking about the medicines.

Ana got off near Rahul's central park apartment complex and walked towards the concierge. Though she knew about the place, she had never been to his apartment.

She checked with the concierge and was happy to see her name on the list of people with permission to visit Rahul anytime. She was sure Mandy asked for her name to be included as she sometimes stays here to be close to Rahul.

She got off the elevator and stood in front of his apartment door. After hesitating for few seconds, she pressed the door bell. There was no response, so she started banging on the door and waited for few minutes, still there was no response.

She then called Mandy and explained the situation to her. Mandy gave her the code to get into the apartment and asked her to update her after checking it out.

Ana opened the security panel and punched in the code Mandy gave her and the door opened making a buzzing sound.

The lights were off, so she stopped after taking a few steps into the dark apartment. After figuring out the layout, she ventured further into the apartment. She realized as she walked further deep into the apartment, tiny motion activated led lights lit up showing the way ahead. The bachelor pad occupied the entire top floor penthouse with 360 degrees view of the city.

She found the lights and switched them on bathing the luxurious apartment in fluorescent light from the powerful overhead recessed lights.

She started checking the rooms one by one hoping to find Rahul. As she turned the door knob and entered one of the rooms, which was still dark, she figured it was the master bedroom and she could make out a figure buried under covers on the bed.

She went upto the bed and removed the comforter slowly and found Rahul sleeping, coiled as a ball. She touched his face and felt his skin burning with high temperature. She checked the medication on the bed side table and figured he took only one dose.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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I got to my room around 9pm feeling greatly disoriented.
The image of Ray clutching his stomach and writhing in pain flashed before me and sent cold shivers down my spine.
My sleep that night was greatly disturbed and I woke up the next morning with serious headache.
I woke up more than five times in the night with the feeling that the dead Ray was lying beside me ready to stab me.
I went to the bathroom and took my bath.
It was Senator Clifford’s birthday and I had made up my mind that I was going to attend no matter what.
Afterall the dead Ray found my trouble first. Not asif I sneaked up against an innocent man and killed him. Ray humiliated me first and I paid him back. I saw no reason for any guilt-feeling. I started looking forward to the senator’s birthday.
At exactly 4pm, the driver came to my hostel to pick me. I was already prepared and waiting when he came.
We drove to Senator clifford’s residence and my eyes widened at the magnificent edifice that met my gaze.
Senator Clifford Obi’s residence was more than a building. It was big, beautiful, artistic and colourful.
We went inside and what I saw was marvellous. The interior decoration and every other thing was superb.
The senator beamed with smile as soon as he saw me.
“You’re highly welcome my dear,” he said.
“Thanks,” I replied.
The birthday was graced with so many men and women of timbre and calibre and I secretly got as many contacts as I could.
I got the contact of the senate president and his deputy, the speaker of the house of reps, the commissioner of police, the army chief of staff etc to mention but a few.
Food and drinks were in excess and I ate and ate and ate till I could eat no more. Then I drank and drank and drank to my satisfaction as well.
The birthday lasted far into the night and at the end, senator clifford ended up in my pu$$¥.
Senator clifford rode me all night long going from one orgasm to the other and unto another like someone who took an enhancer.
Eventually he became exhausted and slept off.
The next morning he woke up early and both of us went to the bathroom to have our bath together.
After that we had breakfast and I dressed up and was ready to leave.
I didn’t know how to tell him that he was yet to pay me but I kept it to myself.
To my surprise, senator clifford handed the keys to a brand new vehicle to me.
“I bought it for you,” he said jiggling the keys. “Let’s go outside and have a look.”
We went outside and to my utmost shock and surprise, the vehicle in question was a new black highlander jeep…

>> Episode 32 -

Akpos wife walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. She says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
"No worries," replies the clerk. "We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can make love."
"Make love!," she proceed and pay for the frog.
She explained the frogs talent to her husband.
Akpos laughed out loud and left the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up and she didn't see her husband.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says Akpos. "If I can teach this frog how to cook, you are out of my life."
The next day the woman killed the frog.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-31 12:03:33

399 Views




Twenty years back

New Orleans, Louisiana

The famous Florentine hotel in the French Quarter section of New Orleans city was on fire. It was a multiple alarm fire, meaning of highest severity with possibility of casualties. The hotel was famous for tourists and artists and was fully occupied that night when a multiple alarm fire broke out in the tenth floor of the hotel.

Roy Rogers was one of the firefighters fighting to contain the fire. He was managing one of the tall ladders to reach the tenth and eleventh floor windows. He was breaking the glass to let the people out who were stuck on these floors, when he noticed loud banging above him. He looked up and noticed someone was desperately banging on the glass window on the eleventh floor right above him. He immediately moved his ladder in position to break the window carefully. As the glass window gave away, a powerful blast of fire hit him and he ducked down. Suddenly two hands appeared and threw a bundle at him, when the floor below them gave up and consumed the people inside.

Roy Rogers caught the bundle and looked inside. His heart stopped for a second as a beautiful pair of eyes looked at him. It was a six months old baby girl. He immediately took her down and rushed her to one of the ambulances standing there to receive the injured.

As the nurse took the baby from his arms, she asked Roy for details and he had none, so she wrote baby Rogers on the chart and after initial checkup sent her to the nearest children's hospital for further evaluation.

Baby Rogers was doing fine, but days have passed and no one stepped forward to claim her. The hotel was completely destroyed and all the occupants details and documents were gone. Most the occupants were foreigners, so the local authorities had no clue whom to contact regarding baby Rogers. After few days she was handed over to the local orphanage where she was christened as Ana Rogers by the local priest.

Ana grew up as Ana Rogers in different orphanages as she was shifted multiple times because of economy and financial issues within the welfare system.

At age six she was transferred to a orphanage in Northern California and there she met Sally, who was almost twelve. Ana realized how different rest of the World was when she started attending school. Till then she thought all kids grew up like her in orphanages.

She didn't understand why she was different, why she was not being kissed and hugged by her caretaker like the other kids caretakers did after school. Later she came to know that other caretakers are called parents and she was different because she had no parents. She tried to ask about her parents but was given different answers, so she asked Sally.

"Sally, where are my parents? When will I be kissed and hugged like other kids?"

"Honey, your parents had to go to far away place on some important work. Till then I am always here to kiss and hug you." She then hugged Ana to hide her face as she didn't want Ana to see her crying. She was able to postpone the inevitable for now, but some day she will have to tell her the truth about her parents.

Ana wasn't like other kids. She didn't fight for handouts or other goodies people brought into the orphanage. She just wanted someone to hug and kiss her and take care of her like a baby. Everyday after school she spent her time watching parents kissing and hugging their kids and yearned for that experience. She wanted to know how it felt to be picked up, engulfed and squeezed in the arms of an big warm adult. She was willing to do anything to feel the warm embrace of parents. Everytime she saw her friends being hugged by their parents, she felt a lump in her throat and sadness and pain in her heart. She didn't know how to handle it and used to cry for hours, not knowing why her parents had to leave her.

Whenever people visit the orphanage, she looked forward to their hugs and kisses. When Sally warned her not to hug and kiss strangers, she got mad at Sally.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Two mad men planned to run alway from a mental hospital there said when their got to the gate their will beat up the watch man, break the gate and run away. So when their got there, the watch man where not their the gate it own is wide open. So them said oh no!!! our plan has failed let go back and try again tommorow. .
.
#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-28 09:22:06

339 Views




Some girls are disgrace to their family and womanhood...how can a
beautiful girl like this get drunk to the extent of exposing her body
and even lying on the floor? See photos below:








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-31 20:15:59

2102 Views




Father: My 5 yrs. old son is very naughty. He made all our female servants pregnant.

Dr: How?

Father: He took a pin and punched holes on all my Condoms.Related

I just saved a life today on my way out. I asked a beggar how he would feel if l gave him N1000?

He replied "Oga, I will die!"

So l kept my money. Thank God I've saved a life!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-07 13:58:35

623 Views




Budget 2014:
Beedis and cigarettes to cost more.

Basically, even dying is getting expensive.Related

1 Poora Din



Shoe & Socks pehno



to Pair Gorre Gorre



lagte hain…



Saala !



Janam se Chaddi pehni



par…



popat sala…



KALA KA KALA KYUN . .? ????Related

Gombe [Read it]


A guy met a girl in the club,he suddenly fell for her so he took her home.
They were both drunk that they started pulling off their cloths,he pulled her bra,brought out her nipple and started sucking with excitement in his face,he paused and ask."are you pregnant"? cos this is milk coming out of your nipple, she replied; no its not nipple it a Boil!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-10 17:02:51

222 Views




JOKE PART 25 BY DINDY
There is no problem fighting your life out and struggling, just to enter a bus which will take you half way home.
:
:
:
:
The problem starts when you relax and the bus zooms off, then the conductor ask you to pay up and you can't find your wallet and phones.
#DINDY WROTE THIS
Facebook username: Ossy Andy Nnamdi
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Watch out for part 26.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-09 15:53:48

166 Views




Akhaan Di Aadat Ban Gayi Hai Gal Gal Te Ron Di;

Dil Ne Zidd Fari Barbaad Hon Di;

Changa Hoya Yaara Tu Begaana Ho Gaya;

Muk Gayi Chinta Tainu Apnaun Di!Related

TIGHT SKIRT [Read it]


One day in Lagos at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young
woman named Tina, who was wearing a tight leather skirt
was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn
to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to
allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the
bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus
driver, Tina reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little,
thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time
attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she
could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, Tina
again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was
unable to take the step. About this time, a large man, Dave,
who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the
waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went
ballistic and turned to the kindly Dave and screeched, ''How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know you!'' Dave smiled
and drawled, ''Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,
but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that
we were friends.''


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-21 01:29:01

1901 Views




A friendship is sweet when it’s new but it is sweeter when it’s true! But you know what? It’s the sweetest when the friend is you.Related

Akpos traveling in a plane found himself sitting next to a lawyer on the airplane. Bored, the lawyer told akpos let them play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered him 10 to 1 odds, said every time akpos could not answer one of his questions he owed him #500, but every time he could not answer his he’d give him #5000. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and akpos reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word akpos handed him #500.

akpos then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid akpos #5000

akpos puts the #5000 into his wallet without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, akpos handed him #500.

please one word for akpos...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-14 09:56:29

1069 Views



TYPICAL WIFE [Read it]


A newly married couple was taking a
walk when a dog suddenly ran towards
them and threatened to bite. They both
knew it would bite them. Then the
husband lifted the wife up to let the
dog bite him instead. The dog stopped before them, barked and barked for a
while and ran backwards and left them. The husband put the wife down
expecting a kiss or a hug from her for
being so protective of her. But instead,
the wife shouted, "I have seen people
throwing stones and sticks at dogs but
this is the first time I am seeing someone trying to throw his wife at a
dog!"
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-23 07:48:54

344 Views



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