Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


A Pastor was preaching to his
congregation... PASTOR: Be prepared for we don't know
when the Lord will come. Akpos stood up... AKPOS: Pastor, I'm sure my mum knows
when Jesus will be back. PASTOR: Really? How are you so sure
about that? AKPOS: Because every night, I hear her
scream from her room, "Oh my God!
Don't come yet!"
#BOLLY_SHOW™


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-25 19:39:48

261 Views



MY REQUEST [Read it]


During World War Two a British fighter
pilot was shot down in Germany and
was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt
badly, so the German doctor amputated
his arm. The pilot requested that they
drop his arm over at his base in England. So the Germans did. The next week they amputated his
other arm and he asked the same thing.
The Germans complied. The next week
they amputated one of his legs, and he
again asked for them to drop it over at
his base in England. The German Doctor replied, "No! I'm doing this no more!" The pilot asked why not and the
German replied, "You are trying to
escape!"#BOLLY_SHOW ?? ? ? ?™



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-16 07:45:57

225 Views



Motion Sickness [Read it]


Santa and Banta are discussing the possibility of love. “I thought I was in love three times,” Santa says.
“Thought…?” Banta asks. “What do you mean?”
“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who wanted nothing to do with me,” Santa says.
“Wasn’t that love?” Banta asks.
“No, that was obsession,” Santa explains. “Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive woman who didn’t understand me.”
“Wasn’t that love?” asks Banta.
“No, that was lust,” Santa replies. “And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise. She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of my stomach.”
“Well, wasn’t that love,” asks Banta.
“No. That was motion sickness!” Santa replies.Related

Akpos Was Enjoying The Sun At The Beach In Lekki When A Lady Come And Asked Him,"Are You Relaxing".Akpos Replied;"No,I Am Akpos".A Man Came And Asked Him The Same Question,Akpos Replied;No!No!...Me Is Akpos!".Later On,A Little Girl Came And Asked Him Same Question Again,Akpos Became Angry and Decided To Move Away.While Walking,he Saw A Guy Sunbathing.He Wen Up to Him And Asked "Are You Relaxing",The Guy Replied "Yes,I Am Relaxing".Akpos Gave Him A Hot Slap On His Face And Screamed "Foolish Man,it Is You Everybody Is Looking For Since"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-24 15:27:20

412 Views




Akpos was driving down a street along Lagos, having just finished answering a call, when a policeman, suddenly, opened the passenger door, entered and jam-locked it.
(The door lock is faulty)
As usual, the Police wanted ‘something’ from Akpos for making a phone call while driving…

Suddenly, the policeman saw the big Rottweiler dog, Jackie, at the back seat of the car, with its tongue stuck out, spittle dripping and fangs barring, staring fiercely at him.
Policeman: (Shaking) Ah! You carry dog?
Akpos: (Bone face) Yes, I carry dog. That one too be offence?
Policeman: (Feeling uncomfortable) Na where u dey come from?
Akpos: From hospital.
Policeman: Ehen! you sick?
Akpos: No, na person wey the dog bite we go see. The person almost die sef.
Policeman: (Terribly shaken by now) Ehen! But why the dog dey shake head like that?
Akpos: Na so im dey do if e wan bite person.
Policeman: The dog know you?
Akpos: Yes nah, no be my dog?
Policeman: (Sweating) This your door, how you dey open am?
Akpos: How you take enter?
Policeman: Abeg! Na since I dey try open am, but e no open.
(The dog was now getting impatient and gave a small growl, its tongue almost touching the policeman’s left ear).
Policeman: (Now sliding forward)Oga, I take God beg you, open the door for me make I comot. I no go collect anything from you.
Akpos: How much you go pay me?
Policeman: Ah! I neva hustle anythin since morning. Na only N2000 dey with me.
Akpos: You neva ready. (I looked back at the dog).

Policeman: Ok ok ok ok ok, e reach N5000. The other N3000 na my wife own, but I go give you join.
(Now, close to tears as the dog was becoming really impatient)
Oga, I be……g, Oga, sorry. Take the N5000 make you open the door plssssssse!

Akpos: Oya, bring am. (He collected the N5000 & allowed him out of the car)
Policeman: God punish you. Idiot, e no go ever better for you and your yeye dog. Wicked man!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-25 08:32:02

853 Views



proverb class [Read it]


TEACHER: We are going to learn proverbs today. Who has an example to share?
STUDENT 1: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
STUDENT 2: A crab does not give birth to a bird.
AKPOS: Many are mad but few are roaming! 


One word for Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-24 21:27:37

201 Views




A guy walks into the vet`s office with a hamster. He lays the hamster on the table and the doctor says, “I`m sorry, sir, but your hamster is dead.”

“I want a second opinion!” the man demands.

So the doctor brings in a cat. The cat walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. “Well the cat says your hamster is dead,” says the doctor.

“Well I want a third opinion.” So the doctor brings in a Labrador retriever. The lab walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. “The lab says your hamster is dead.”

“OK, fine. What do I owe you?”

“$650” the doctor said.

“What?!? What for?”

“Well, you owe me $50, but the other $600 is for the cat scan and the lab test.”Related

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.

-Zenna SchaRelated

A good date ends with dinner, but an excellent date ends with breakfast ????Related

Heredity: a biological process that fails to explain why you are so dead lazy while your parents are hardworking!Related

make money online easily without stress
u can make up to 1000 naira to 5000 naira daily
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Loveth: what do you want me to do for you?
Luke: i want to buy a female shoe but i don't know how to go about it,can you help me
?
Loveth: why don't you get the person you are buying it for here?
Luke: i can't is a gift
Loveth: alright
Luke: so,are you helping me?please
Loveth: no problem;like you said i might also need your help,assuredly i want to buy a male shoe but i just can't fine any nice one
Luke: that makes the two of us(they both laughed)
Loveth: so shall we?
Luke: of cause
Loveth: hold on lets get mind first because it might take the entire day
Luke: it wouldn't even take ten minutes
Loveth: really
Luke: its simple
Loveth: are you sure
?
Luke: yes;what size
?
Loveth: 42
Luke: color
Loveth: black
Luke: does he like it flat or with little heel
?
Loveth: um....uh....
Luke: you confused?
Loveth: am not....
Luke: never mind;this is perfect(he picked a nice shoe)it as solid feet;the leather is quality;although its not that expensive but it is close to perfect
Loveth: are you sure
Luke: of cause and everyone with good taste will like it
Loveth: really
Luke: yes;i know your boyfriend will like it(she frown)did i say anything wrong?
Loveth: no;thanks,lets go get yours
Luke: alright;(they walked to the female section)you must really be a good girl;you hardly see any modern girl buying her boyfriend stuff
Loveth: will you stop being annoying;i don't have a boyfriend
Luke: sorry about what i said but who are you...
Loveth: my dad;since you must know
Luke: (he wipe his sweat)sorry
Loveth: this is nice right?(she picked a shoe)
Luke: i don't think so
Loveth: this should go(she picked another)
Luke: assuredly;i...(she picked another)this is....(she picked another)no (he shake his head)
Loveth: this is perfect(she picked a nice low beautiful one)
Luke: whoa!
Loveth: this a perfect match for anyone;even is a young person or an advance person
Luke: you right
Loveth: you like...
Luke: i love it
Loveth: so what is the size?so we can get the size of this same pair
Luke: 38
Loveth: interesting;that is same size with me
Luke: really?(enter an old couple)
Loveth: of cause(she picked the right size)here it is
Luke: lets try it on your leg
Loveth: why?
Luke: relax(he pull her to sit and take her leg)
Loveth: what is wrong with you?
Luke: nothing;i just want to see if it look good on you(he fixed the shoe on her leg after removing her shoe)
Loveth: whoa!oh i told you it will suit anyone
Luke: it suit you because you have a nice leg;your legs are really fine(she drag her leg and he fall on her)oh my God(old couple clapping)sorry
Loveth: i have heard stand up from me;
Luke: sorry
Loveth: i have heard;just stand up from me;people are looking at us
Luke: sorry(he stood up)am sorry
Old man: you two are so sweet;are you married
Old woman: no;they are not married;cant you see they are not wearing rings. maybe they are planning it
Old man: oh sorry;but you two should be fast about it. you don't have to date for this long for you to know he love you
Loveth: sorry sir;we are not dating
Old woman: don't denial it;anyway i understand that is how i used to denial my husband
Loveth: but that is the fact(he held her hand)what?(to Luke)
Old man: that is how my wife used to behave back then. please don't let your love die because that is what is keeping me and my wife now that we are old;even if time as past our love is still here and we always come here to purchase just shoe because this is where we met(she laughed)
Old woman: honey you are funny;and our little secret is forgiveness and to be open minded
Luke: thank you ma
Old woman: there is our card give us a call when you two want to get married
Luke: thanks ma(they laugh)
Loveth: those two are so unbelievable(he laughed)what is funny?
Luke: is it not funny;we are not even dating and they are prophecy marriage
Loveth: he even said you love me;crazy old man and woman(laughing continue)thanks anyway
Luke: thank you too(SHE TURN TO LEAVE)hold on;can you tell me...(phone ringing)let me take this
Loveth: no problem(message enter her phone;she is need at the office)sorry i got to go(she walked away)
Luke: oh no

Vivian: Abraham;welcome;
Abraham: thank you
Vivian: food is ready
Abraham: i am not hungry
Vivian: for the pasted weeks since we returned from your pastor;you have being acting really strange;is it because of what that stupid man said?
Abraham: are you insane
Vivian: i am not
Abraham: then stop saying rubbish
Vivian: then if it is not that;that means you have started keeping girlfriends(he coughed)you are guilty right?
Abraham: i am not;instead of thinking of me having a girlfriend,think of giving me a child and stop wasting my food and money;prostitute
Vivian: did you just called me prostitute?
Abraham: no;how can i?am talking to that dark object that look like you. rubbish(he walked away)
Vivian: i really don't blame you(curtain)

Danny: David;did you bring the car?
David: are you deaf?i said i said i used it as a pledge
Danny: i know you said that;haven't you refund the money
David: do you think it is that easy?
Danny: how much is the money?
David: three million
Danny: what?what did you use it for?
David: don't asked
Danny: i shouldn't answer?my wife will soon become suspicious of me over something i know nothing of(enter Darling)i don't want my wife to know about it
David: then pay the girl the three million and rest
Darling: what girl?which three million and what don't you want me to know?
Danny: is nothing....
David: of cause is nothing;excuse me(exit David)
Darling: i pray is not what i am thinking
Danny: what are you thinking?
Darling: never mind
Danny: dear
Darling: please don't push it
(exit Darling)
Danny: i don't know what i have gotten myself into





SEE MORE


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Akpos and 2 of his friends where sitting in a bar drinking.
A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.
He got up, staggered to the table, looked Akpos
in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her naked.
Meen!!, she is hot!" Akpos looked at him and didn't say a word.
His friends were confused, because they all know Akpos as the last person that will tolerate rubbish .

The drunk man goes to the table again and said, "I got it on with your
grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" Akpos still said
nothing.
His friends were starting to get mad.
The drunk hit on their table again and said, "I'll tell you something
else boy, your grandma liked it!" Akpos stood up, grab the man by the shoulder and said, "Damn it,
Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 22:07:35

2902 Views




***************************************************
***************
Eva drove out of the parking lot, moving
slowly and carefully so as not to arouse
suspicion. The Colonel lay low at the back
seat of the car, instructing Eva to take it cool.
There were agents following them and they
needed to be thrown off track. If they
suspected anything, they would corner Eva
and have her smoked. That would be the end.
“How many cars do we have on our tail?” The
Colonel asked, still crouched at the back seat
of the car.
“I am seeing two sedans. They are doing a
very good job and they are alternating very
well. Only a trained eye would notice this.”
Eva replied.
“Good job girl. Now follow the road that leads
through bar beach and get to Bonny camp.
You have to take Onikan through to Awolowo
road and enter the Total filling station there.
That’s where we would lose them.” The
Colonel said.
“What happens when we get to Total, dad?”
Eva asked.
“Let’s just say, I have got friends of mine.”
The Colonel replied and continued.
“Just make sure that we get there in one
piece.” The Colonel finisged.
“How is Sean doing?” Eva asked.
“He is still alive. How long that remains so
depends on how soon we can get to him.” The
Colonel replied.
Just then, one of the Sedans, a Toyota Quest
overtook them and moved into their lane,
driving just in front of them. The jeep behind
continued to drive closer while the one in front
reduced speed drastically.
The Colonel could not pretend anymore. They
could not afford to be busted this way.
“Do you notice what is happening, girl?” The
Colonel said, getting up and sitting on the
chair.
“Yes Dad. They are trying to box us in.” Eva
replied with a smile.
“You know what to do don’t you?” The Colonel
asked.
“I was born for this Da Vinci. Hang on” Eva
replied.
They were in a Ford Mustang which had iron
suspenders and a strong metal barricade
around its front and rear lights. Eva changed
gears and stepped on the accelerator, hitting
the car in front of them. The Toyota Quest in
front of them swerved left and right, in an
attempt to gain balance after the collision.
Eva stepped on the brakes, swerved right and
overtook the car in front of her. She switched
gear again and stepped on the accelerator,
hitting the 80km/hr mark on the speedometer.
A Toyota Tundra came out from nowhere, hot
on the trail of Eva’s vehicle. It was closing
gap fast and would make impact soon. Eva
stepped on the accelerator. They had just got
to Bonny Camp and were speeding towards
Onikan roundabout. Eva was going at 100km/
hr now trying to out run the Tundra. The
Colonel saw that the Tundra kept gaining
speed and was almost close. Eva would not be
able to out run it.
“Hit the brakes girl and swerve left when I tell
you” The Colonel commanded, taking out
a .23 semi-automatic caliber pistol from his
socks.
As Eva stepped on the brakes in little
continuous pumps making the car jerk
forwards a few times, the Coionel pressed a
button to wind down the windows. Jerking and
slowing down from the huge speed that they
were initially driving at, the car gradually
slowed down allowing the Tundra to catch up
with them. The Tundra came left, trying to hit
the rear of the Ford so that the car would skid
and spin off the road. The Colonel was
watching the Tundra carefully from the rear
mirror. As the Tundra almost got to the tail of
the ford, the Colonel shouted,
“Swerve! Now!!”
The Tundra narrowly missed hitting the Ford
as Eva swerved hard to her left crossing the
road. The Tundra failed to make impact with
the Ford, causing it to lose control and swerve
right. The moment was perfect for the Colonel
because the driver was now directly opposite
him. He bent forwards at the window and shot
two straight bullets at the driver which caught
him on the neck and on the chest.
The car continued to swerve right until it fell
into the lagoon.
They reversed and turned into Onikan
roundabout moving into Awolowo road. Eva
sped forwards and the Colonel checked his
bullet chamber, winding up the window. A
BMW X6 appeared on Eva’s rear view tail.
“We have another stalker. Any instructions?”
Eva asked,
“Just head to the filling station as instructed.
I will handle things from there.”
Eva sped through Awolowo road, running the
red lights and swerving away from slow cars.
There were two cars behind her now, trying to
catch up with them and they were doing
impressively well. In no time they got to the
filling station and drove straight into the
garage with the door closing behind them.
One of the cars trailing them continued along
the road while the other also turned into the
filling station, but parked inside. The driver
came out and approached an attendant
asking that he needed to align his wheels. He
used that opportunity to study the garage and
hope that the garage door would open and
Eva would come out any moment.
Eva parked above a round manhole covered by
a metal lid. On the Colonel’s instructions, they
uncovered the lid and climbed down the man
hole which was supposed to act as drainage
but had not been used in many years. The
manhole led to a tunnel which in turn led to
an opening behind the filling station. There
was a car waiting for them as they got out of
the man hole on the other side of the tunnel,
with The Colonel taking the wheel and Eva
getting in beside him.
“Now, we finish this.” The Colonel said as he
started the ignition.
They sped off north and headed towards
BeeHive.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Dil Jeet Le Woh Jigar Hum Rakhte Hai;

Katal Kar De Woh Nazar Rakhte Hai;

Wada Kiya Hai Kisi Se Hamesa Muskurane Ka;

Warana Hum Bhi Ankhon Mai Samunder Rakthe Hai!Related

Four Africans [Read it]


On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is Kenyan, one is South-African, one is Nigerian, and the last one is a Ghanian. The Kenyan walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people!" and jumps off the roof. 


Next, the South-African walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people!" and then he jumps off the roof. 


Next is the Nigerian's turn. The Nigerian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people!" and then throws the Ghanian off the roof.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-24 09:47:19

138 Views




Zara Si Zindagi Hai Armaan Bahut Hain;

Humdard Nahi Koi, Insan Bahut Hain;

Dil Ka Dard Sunaye To Sunaye Kisko;

Jo Dil Ke Kareeb Hain Wo Anjaan Bahut Hain!Related

Bananas, pasta, and nuts are all known to be great stress relieving foods.Related

On Whatsapp:

Girl: Tu Hasta Nahi hai Kya?

Boy: Kyu?

Girl: Tere Haste Hue Ki Koi Photo Nahi Hain.

Boy: Tu Nahati nahi hai kya?Related

A lot of people in Pakistan don’t even know who Jinnah was and the ones who know will never agree what he said let alone what he meant by what he said.

-Mohammed HanifRelated

He went away right after this, leaving Mansa
bleeding profusely. She was a virgin until that night.
Even though she was weak and found it difficult
to
move, her eyes could not stop the tears that was
coming out of it.
Out of no where she has been raped by an unknown person. Within some few minutes ,she
began gaining some little strength as the
chemical
from the handkerchief began to fade away.
She had no idea of what to do and she could
hardly endure the pains. She became very scared all of a sudden and
completely lost in her thoughts. It seemed the act
was affecting her psychologically.
She gently stood up and with the support of the
wall, walked slowly to the bathroom to wash the
blood away. The pain was so severe that, the only thing she
could think of was to make it go.
She went and laid back on the bed. She then
decided to involve the police. She looked
everywhere for her phone but couldn’t find it
anywhere. It seemed the rapist had taken care of the phone.
She had no option than to go to the living room
and use the land line, but upon reaching there,
she
found out the lines of the phone have been cut by
a sharp object. Indeed the rapist knew how to cover his tracks.
She had no idea of how to report this issue. The
only thing she could think of was to walk down to
the police station but she was too weak to do
that.
She began feeling dizzy while she was trying to go
back to her room. Unfortunately, she fell down
and
collapsed on the hallway.
No one was there to help her. She was all alone
and it was 5:15am by then. She laid there until about 6am when Chris and his
mother got back.
Apparently,they had a change of plan as their
outreach was postponed to a latter date.
Kuu was supposed to be with them but had gone
to drop off some church elders who had accompanied them to the outreach trip.
Chris and his mother saw Mansa lying on the
hallway. Somehow they concluded that she had
gotten herself drunk.
“Look at that idiot, look at the shame she is
bringing to this family, we left her just for a night and she has resulted in drinking alcohol”. Mrs.
Amposah said.
” Mum, this is really becoming too much, we need
to stop her” said Chris
“Carry her to her room, I can’t stand her sight” Mrs
Amposah said and went straight to her room. Chris carried her in his arms and took to her to her
room. Before she laid her down, his eyes started
gazing at her beautiful dark neck and down
through her chest.
He placed her down and started gazing at her.
Lust set in. Suddenly, he started having lustful
thoughts.
Before he knew it, he started unbuttoning her top
and took his hand towards his b----t and began
fondling it.
“Hey Chris, what are you doing?’ Kuu said from Mansa’s entrance. He had returned.


>>

Akpor’s father invited their neighbor
over for dinner.
At the dinner, Akpors
was ordered to pray…
Akpors: “But papa, you know I don’t
know how to pray” …
Papa: “Just pray for your family
members, friends and neighbors, the
poor, etc”
Akpors: “Dear Lord” (he started) “Thank
you for our visitors and their children,
who finished all my biscuits and ice
cream. Bless them so that they wont
come again. Forgive our neighbor’s son,
who removed my sister’s clothes and
wrestled with her on her bed. This
coming Christmas, please ask father
Christmas to send clothes to all those
poor naked ladies on papa’s blackberry
and provide shelter for the homeless
men who use mama’s room when papa
is at work.. AMEN

One word for Akpors?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-06 00:02:06

743 Views



manners [Read it]



A Teacher trying to teach good
manners
asked her students this Question:
Michael if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady,
how would you tell her that you have
to go
to the bathroom?? Michael:"Just a
minute, I have to go
pee.." Teacher: That would be rude &
impolite..
How about you Sam?? Sam said:"I
really need to go to the Toilet,
i'm sorry.." Teacher: That's better but
still not nice to
say the word Toilet..
Oh you Akpos ?? Can you use your
brain?? Akpos said:"Darling, May i
please be
excused for a moment?? I've got to
shake
hands with a very dear friend of mine,
whom i hope to introduce to you after
dinner." "TEACHER FAINTED!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-13 22:17:02

356 Views




A friend is like gas blown from the ass, which creates noise n nuisance to others but gives me a great comfort. Thanks for being gas of my ass.Related

Santa: Dr, I think I need glasses.

Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank!Related

I thought of where to go but the only option i had was Aisha’s place, the other brothers that i was close within MSSN are not around as they have all gone to Jihad Camp and for the fact that i still need to go and pick my bag at the mosque in school. I went to the mosque more earlier than usual at exactly 5 minutes past 5. I left the mosque around past 6 and went straight to Oke-Odo.
I didn’t bother to inform Aisha that i was coming to her place, i got to front of her door, knocked on the door with “Salam Aleikum” but i didn’t get a response. I knocked again but there was no response the second time..islamically i shouldn’t enter the room of a lady when there was no response from the occupant but with the way i left her yesterday, i was not sure if she was actually okay so i had to try and open the door and to my surprise, the door was not locked. I entered the room and i only saw praying mat on the floor which shows that she actually make use of it not quite long.
I waited inside thinking of where she was until i heard the toilet door opened and here she comes, Aisha was on the most transparent pink night gown i ever seen in my life, she was not even using anything to cover her hair “subhanallahi” i shouted and quickly ran outside.
I waited by the entrance of her door reminiscing what i just saw again, i ran away from home for something and here i am seeing it again. It wasn’t really Aisha’s fault but mine because i shouldn’t have entered her room without hearing any response from her (That is the teaching of the prophet) and it was solely for the reason of what i just saw that prophet Muhammed said so. In fact the prophet teaching goes further to state that a man shouldn’t go on a visit to a lady’s house without going with a kid of between 5-10years.
I was still on my thought when Aisha door opened and she was on a full outfit of black jalamia and grey hijab, i entered and she welcomed me in
Aisha: salam aleikum
Me: Wa aleikum salam…please am very sorry for what happened, i thought you were not inside, i knocked like two times and i had to enter when i didn’t hear any response from you
Aisha: No problem Alfa Abdulrahman
Me: Am very sorry once again…how are you feeling now? How is your hand?
Aisha: Alhamdullilahi, am feeling relieved, thanks very much for yesterday, jazakallahu kairan…
Me: Dont mention hajia…….
Aisha: But i never expected you this early…..
Me: Yes, i just thought i should come and check on you very early since i believe nobody here to take care of you…………
Aisha: Thanks very much
Me: But you should always lock your door from behind anytime you are indoor
Aisha: I forgot to when i came back from mosque and nobody dare enter my house anyhow like that
Me: Ohk……what will you eat this morning
Aisha: What about you? What will you eat? Should i boil rice for us
Me: No problem…i want to go to the mosque later and pick my bag then travel to Ibadan today
Aisha: okay
It was so nice seeing that Aisha was feeling much more better as against the previous day, as we continue to gist, i couldn’t take my mind of the fact of what she look like even though we didn’t sit close to each other but mere looking at her face alone send a signal of her physical structure in the night gown i saw earlier to my head but i tried as much as possible to take my mind off it.
I went to school to pick my bag so i can start going to Ibadan, i got to the mosque and i was told to check my belongings in the store where things are kept. I got there and was surprised the place was locked, nobody knew who locked it as we started asking up and down for the person with the key which proof abortive. I accepted fate and left the mosque around past 3 to Oke-Odo, i was so much in contact with Aisha to know how she was faring and told her i was already on my way to her place after i explained all what happened to her.
I got to her place and made up my mind maybe Almighty Allah didn’t want me to attend the jihad week, i spent much time with Aisha studying with her. We ate bread in the afternoon and i decided to leave her place around past seven with promise that i will check on her first thing the following morning.
I got to my house and was surprise that Amaka was still around with Ismaeel, i was so furious and had to call ismaeel out
Me: when is your visitor going Ismaeel?
Ismaeel: Am very sorry Abdulrahman, i thought you will be going to Jihad week that is why i invited her over but didn’t know you wont be going?
Me: is my camp an excuse for you to bring a lady to the house and be doing this nonsense?
Ismaeel: Oga, its okay now..why will you be telling me am doing nonsense? Are you my father or brother? Am i not old enough to decide what i want for myself? Is the room not my own room too? Remember it was my house before i invited you in to come and stay with me and you cant be dictating how i live my life for me..its my life and i can live it any way that i like….Me pleading to you its only because of the respect i have for you but i seems you don’t want the respect again as am tired of all this your complain..what is bad in what am doing? What have i done? What i did is normal among guys and not everybody will be like you Rahman..you have to live with my kind of person, like i always tell you, learn to live with people with different character and believe. Even Almighty Allah said “semihallahu limon amidahu” (Only allah knows who worship him) so, who are you to judge me. Am tired of all these rubbish abeg…..
“Ismaeel walked out in front of me as i was dumb founded on all what i heard from him, it was just as if he already had me in mind to voice out for me”.
I went back inside, picked two cloth on the hanger inside a nylon and went out of the room. Amaka was even trying to play with me but i never responded to her. I was walking on the street heading toward Zanrab without any destination on my mind. I don’t even have any friend or course mate that i relate to for me to go and sleep in his place for the main time to get myself and know what next to do.

To Be Continued...

>>

God took His time to create each person
differently, I think He got bored when
he got to China.
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-23 07:50:49

483 Views




Akpos slept with his mistress.when he came back the folowing morning,his wife asked him.'where on earth d u sleep last night?'.
Akpos:i slept with john his sister died.
Wife:k,ur food is in the dining.
She went 2 d bathroom.after bathing,she dress up and said.'darling let me go to john's house t.o sympathize with him'.Akpos immeadiately said.'honey,don't worry they called just now testifying dat his sister had just rose from death.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-21 21:54:50

597 Views



OPEN SHOP [Read it]


Akpos Shop open for business!!!!! Exclusive
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What are friends for..... We deliver to ur door
step. Cost on delivery applied Comment if u want one !!!!!!Hurry While Stocks Last - Limited Availability!!!!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-22 20:12:04

392 Views




Desmond: please wait;i know you are mad at me but i deserve the ill treatment you measure to me but please don't turn your back on me that we may not be friends again. i may not be able to live with it(he hold her by the hand)please(with tears in his eyes)
Stephanie: was wrong with you(she wipe his tears)will you stop(Tina cough)Tina are you sure you are alright
Tina: yes;i am fine
Desmondhe clear his throat)i am sorry Stephie
Stephanie: i have heard you(she turn to leave)
Desmond: please stop(to Stephanie)can you excuse us Tina
Tina: alright;i will leave(exit Tina)
Stephanie: (he lock the door)what are you doing?
Desmond: i just want to talk to you
Stephanie: what do we want to talk about;i said i have heard and that is all i will tell you;even if we spent the entire day here
Desmond: that shoe you are still mad at me
Stephanie: what is wrong with you?i am not mad at you anymore but i want to go home(she turn to leave)
Desmond: am begging you. please forgive me;for all the pains i cause you but please forgive me
Stephanie: i should forgive you?that was same question you asked me. what if i was raped all because of you
Desmond: i know i reacted badly towards you but now i am saying i am sorry
Stephanie: and i have said;i have heard;so let me go. you can only force a camel to the stream but you can't force it to drink (she walked towards the door)will you please open the the door (he walked towards the door and stand in front of it)why are you standing at the door?do you want to rape me?(she realised what she said was bad)i am sorry
Desmond: what?is that what you think of me;a rapist?(he open the door)you can leave
Stephanie: i am sorry i didn't mean to insult you
Desmond: don't worry;you can leave already (he back her)
Stephanie: please;i am sorry;i am really sorry(she held his hand and knee before him)please
Desmond: is alright(he pull her up)but please don't tell me that next time
Stephanie: am sorry;i wasn't thinking at all

Desmond: come here(he pull her closer)i really missed you a great deed
Stephanie: i do too
Desmond: are you sure?
Stephanie: hundred percent sure
Desmond: funny girl
Stephanie: am famished
Desmond: lets go and have something to eat
Stephanie: Alright(back to Anita)
Tosan: where is those two?

Tosin: i wonder what they are up to;i thought you said they will soon come down(to Tina)
Tina: i did said so;maybe they are doing some catching up(enter Stephanie/Desmond)
Desmond: i know you all are talking about both of us
Anita: yes now;you know we will always talk about you
Desmond: hmm
Tunde: my brother;so you two are friends again
Desmond: why do you asked?
Tosin: come on tell us,our ear are itching to hear
Desmond: you like gossip a lot;sit down my baby (to Stephanie)
Ann: so you don't want to tell us?
Ayo: will you let her be
Anita: hey young man(to Desmond)what do you do to my baby?(she touch Stephanie)
Desmond: i did nothing to her;sit(he drag a chair for her to sit)
Stephanie: thanks
Anita: i thought this boy has remove your tongue (laughed all)
Desmond: why would i?

Tina: but we are taking this matter lightly but is a serious one,Stephanie barely talk
Tosan: that is true;i have also notice her calmness
Anita: are you sure;you are alright(to Stephanie)
Stephanie: i am fine;you all should go ahead with your food
Tunde: alright;if you say so
Tina: or did you get raped my Desmond (everyone get shock at stare at her)
Tunde: Tina;are you mad?
Anita: sometimes i think you have mental problem
Tina: what is my offence or did those boys raped you and Desmond is hiding it(she touch Stephanie)please tell us
Stephanie: please excuse me(she walked away)
Ann: you are so unbelievable
Tina: did i say anything that will make her mad?
Desmond: your action piss me(he walked out)
Tina: i am sorry Desmond(outside the house)

Desmond: can you please stop crying for once?(he turn her towards himself)please stop;you are making me feel bad,that i am the one that cause you all this pain. if i haven't tell Tina to excuse us and i haven't lock that door,she won't have said those words to you but please stop crying. i am sorry(he wiped her tears)
Stephanie: why should i stop crying?when i can't defend myself from people that hurt me(she continue crying)
Desmond: i know you are a strong girl and i know you can pull through it
Stephanie: Desmond;i may look strong but i am not that strong. i am tired of life;i am tired of everything in life. i am fed up
Desmond: pull yourself together it has happen

Stephanie: i have heard;it is alright;if people see me like a bad girl;if people detest me;if they judge me from my look and base on perception. is fine by me(he wipe her tears again)don't worry;i will be fine
Desmond: promise me;you will not cry again
Stephanie: don't worry;i would cry. i want to go home
Desmond: are you sure you will be fine?
Stephanie: yes;i will. thank you;am fine(she turn to leave)
Desmond: Stephie(she turn)am sorry(and hug her;Georgina walked in and dragged both of them apart and slap Stephanie)what is wrong with you(to Georgina)
Georgina: what is wrong with me;is what i will show you(she pull Stephanie to the ground and hit her more)
Desmond: will you let go of her?(he separate them)what is getting into your head?have you suddenly become desperate?
Georgina: me desperate(she screamed)i am now desperate?why wouldn't you call me names
Desmond: will you for once stop acting wild(those inside rushed out)please stand up(to Stephanie)
Alfred: what is going on here?
Tosan: and why is Stephanie on the floor?
Georgina: you think i don't know your plan;all of you

Tina: is alright(to Georgina)lets handle this in a more manure way
Georgina: i have heard you but warn your friend because next time. it wouldn't be this easy
Tina: i will talk to her
Georgina: just thank your stars that i am in a good mood(she pushed Stephanie head) i will be back for each and everyone of you(exit)
Desmond: i am sorry(he bent and raise her up)please forgive me;i am sorry for causing you pain
Stephanie: is alright;you don't have to blame yourself for my misfortune;everything that happen to me is my fate not your fault(she wipe her tears and walked away)

Anita: i think we have to start going home
Ann: yes because Stephanie need us now like never before
Tosan: goodbye baby(to Tosin)
Tosin: goodbye
Alfred: you girls should take care (exit all girls)buddy;what really went wrong
Desmond: i haven't done anything that bad in life;that i have to always cause pains to the people around me. was it a crime to comfort someone when she cry?when you know you are the cause of her tears;will it be too much for me to hug such a person?

Tunde: there is nothing wrong with that
Desmond: then why would my betroth have no trust in me?she has only see me like a cheat;even if she was mad at me because she had caught me kissing Stephie;i will understand but then she didn't. then why is she making an issue out of nothing
Ayo: is alright;you don't have to worry about Georgina and her attitude
Desmond: i am not worrying about her;i just hope that Stephie is alright
Tosin: i know she will be fine;she is a strong girl
Desmond: i just pray so



Stephanie's flatmate discovered that she is missing and they have to inform Desmond;in order for him to assist in looking for Stephanie. Desmond parents and Georgina parents invited both of them to settle their differences but will Desmond take Georgina back whole heartily


Ann: Stephanie;Stephanie;are you such(at Stephanie's room)she is in this house
Tosan: go up stair and check on her(exit Ann) but sometimes i wonder;if Desmond's betroth has problem with her head. she is always acting wild
Tina: here you are acting as if;you know what happen
Tosan: i don't know but her reaction is so raw
Anita: and she is mannerless
Tina: you girls are criticizing her,when you don't even know what does two are up to
Anita: what will she have done to deserve such a treatment?

Tina: what if Georgina had caught both of them kissing?if you were in her shoe;what will you have done?
Tosan: will you for once keep quiet;if you don't have anything to say
Ann: girls;i can't fine Stephanie in the study room
Anita: what do you mean,you can't find her
Ann: that is what i mean
Tosan: why not call her
Ann: her number is not going through
Anita: where could she be
Tina: lets not worry about her;i know she is fine anywhere she is. you all should excuse me. i have a class to attend
Tosan: i wonder where that girl is
Anita: i just hope that she is fine wherever she is;but if she doesn't come back before night fall;i will inform her sisters.( few hours later)
Tosan: young lady;why are you not sleeping?its getting late and she is still not back and her number is still not going
Anita: what?where is my phone;so i can call her sister
Tosan: it hasn't getting to that
Anita: then what do we do now?
Ann: why not call Desmond to help us look for her
Anita: i don't think that is a good ideal or what do you think? (to Tosan)

Tosan: i think is a good ideal;he might know where she is because both of them are ways together
Anita: alright then;i will call him(calling Desmond)he is not picking his call
Ann: try calling him again(she dialed his number)is it ringing?
Anita: yes,it is(he pick up the call)hello;good evening
Desmond: hello good evening Anita;how are you?
Anita: i am fine
Desmond: sorry;i did not pick up at first
Anita: is alright;i have a favor to asked from you
Desmond: which is?
Anita: is just that we can't find Stephanie and her number is not going through. i don't know if you can help us to look for her



SEE MORE.....


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I lived in my bubble of denial for another couple of days until I began to experience another possible symptom.

My vision blurred. Luckily I was at home alone so there was no one to notice. But it was enough to scare me into action. It had happened to me half way down the stairs. I hated to think what would have happened if I'd missed a step and fallen down the rest of the way.

I wanted to go see the doctor but I didn't want anyone to know. I didn't want them worrying until I knew there was something to worry about.

The person I normally would have gone to get help from would have been Reece but I didn't want her to worry either. I bit my nail as I racked my brains trying to come up a way to go see the doctor without anyone knowing. Without a car it was going to be difficult.

At that moment like a sign my phone began to ring. I got it out of my pocket and looked down at the screen to see a picture of Aiden on my screen.

Aiden.

"Hey," I answered as I began to formulate a plan that included Aiden helping me.

"What are you doing?" he asked conversationally. He usually called me a couple of times of week and we'd talk. We got on so well I could talk to him for hours.

"Nothing interesting," I answered. I took a deep breath and released it.

"You sound like you have something on your mind?" he asked and waited for an answer.

"Would you do me a favour?" I asked holding on tightly to my phone nervously. There was a good chance he would ask questions I didn't want to answer.

"Sure," he said. "What do you need me to do?"

"I need to go for a check up but my doctor is away. Would you be able to get me the details of your doctor?"

I waited for him to answer. To me it sounded like an reasonable request nothing that would flag I was trying to hide something.

"Yeah, sure," he replied. "I'd have to get his details from my mom."

"Thanks."

"o you need me to take you to the appointment?" he asked unexpectedly. He knew I didn't have a car.

"Yes, that would be great if you could," I replied feeling relieved that my plan was coming together. I had come up with a way to get checked out without worrying my friends and family.

"Let me call my mom and I'll get the number," he said.

"Okay."

"I'll call you back in ten minutes," he said before ending the call.

I stood holding my phone for a minute after wondering if I was doing the right thing.

"Everything okay?" I turned to see Grey standing in doorway of the kitchen watching me.

"Yeah, everything is fine," I replied shoving my phone into my pocket. I felt like I'd been caught doing something wrong. Had he heard my conversation with Aiden?

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen.

It was the same question every time he saw me and it was becoming annoying. It was also his way of reminding me about my migraines and the possibility that it was something worse.

"I'm fine," I assured him as I walked over to the fridge to get a soda. "Where's Alex?"

"We're supposed to meet up here before we go out," he explained with a shrug.

The previous easygoing atmosphere between us was gone and it was replaced with tension that me uncomfortable. On one hand keep my family from worrying was the important but it was scary going through all of it alone.

I opened the soda and took a sip.

"Have you changed your mind about going to the doctor?" he asked softly taking a step closer to me.

"on't," I warned him. I wasn't anything to him so he didn't have a right to meddle in my life.

"Harp," he said softly.

I hated the way my name on his lips made my stomach flip and tugged at my heartstrings. Why couldn't we have a switch that we could flip to not feel anything when we didn't want to.

"Enough Grey. I've heard everything you had to say the last time we had this conversation," I said angrily setting the soda down on the kitchen counter.

"I'm hoping you will see reason and change your mind," he said as he reached for my hand.

It would have been so easy to give into him, to let him hold my hand in his and to reveal that I was planning to go the doctor. But easy would allow him to pull me closer and push me away like he had been and I deserved better. He had to know that I wasn't going to be a puppet he could pull the strings to.

"Well I won't," I lied pulling my hand away from his just before his fingers touched my hand.

Luckily my phone started to ring and I answered it.

"I got the number you needed," he told me.

"That's great," I said.

"I'll message it to you," he said while Grey studied me. Maybe he was trying to figure out who I was talking to.

"Thank you," I said softly as I leaned against the counter. Grey shoved his hand into the front pocket of his jeans.

"I'll chat to you later," Aiden said and I said goodbye

"Who was that?" Grey asked tightly when I ended the call and put the phone back into the back pocket of my jeans.

"Aiden," I replied.

"You guys seem very close."

It wasn't like I actually thought that Grey had real feelings for me. He only wanted what he couldn't have. When he could have had me he'd pulled away from me but since Aiden had become a bigger part of my life Grey had been acting like a jealous person. He didn't like the fact that he thought I was with Aiden and unavailable to him.

"Yes, we are." He could think what he liked.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Art can never exist without Naked beauty display’d.

~ William BlakeRelated

BROKEN SEAL 2
EPISODE 26

Mark, Sam and I went to the
police hospital the following
day.
Rodelio was reported dead.
We asked the police to let us
bury his carcass, with the help
of officer Murdock, our request
was granted.
Rodelio’s body was washed and
prepared for burial by the
mortuary attendants.
His family were informed, by
the police about his death.
We buried him in a public
burial ground the evening of
that same day.
Rodelio’s mum: (with teary
eyes) my appology for any hurt
he may have caused you.
Mark: don’t work yourself up
ma’am, he got exactly what he
deserved…….
Samuel: he that killed by the
sword hath died by the sword.
Me: we would be on our way
now…….
****RODELIO; in the
grave******
The function of the pill he took
expired exactly after 72hrs.
Rodelio opened his eyes
weakly.
He had expected to find
himself in a garbage dump of
some sort.
But instead he was in a very
scant-spaced
‘container’ clad in a white
linen, with white handgloves
and socks,,,, he could hardly
move an arm.
It then dawned on him he was
in a casket damñ it!
The casket was so air-tight, he
couldn’t breath an ounce of
air.
He kept gasping and fighting
for even a little amount of
oxygen, all his efforts proved
abortive.
He laid back helpless and
hopeless as his life was slowly
drained off right under his
nose!
All his screams for help failed
to pay off, his voice never
escaped a feet let alone six
feets to the burial ground.
His past came to him in
flashes.
He recalled how he joined the
gang in high school grade-12,
how he fought his way to the
top and finally succeeded his
deceased boss, he recalled the
great hurts and sufferings he
caused lot of people…………….
Rodelio kept bouncing his
head up and down the confines
of the casket.
The little air in his system were
already used up.
“haaaaaaaa” he breathed his
last into another realm, a
realm of eternity- he died a
painfull death.
His ammunitions couldn’t save
him, his men, his doctors and
others were not there to rescue
him from the cruel arms of
death!!!!!
***********************
TWO WEEKS LATER
The court case had been
compeletly closed.
We are now left with no
problems to deal with.
Ella’s parent were now living
together happily, Ella was also
absorbed back to her work as a
radio presenter.
We were gradually preparing
for another wedding but this
time it would be on a low key
– the priest, our families and a
few friends.
Ella had been having feverish
conditions over the last two
days.
We visited our (the Guidottis)
family doctor in Manila, where
different tests were ran on her.
We came for the test result the
day following our first visit.
Doctor: congratulations Mr.
Isaiah, you are now a daddy!!!!
Me: are you serious? Whoa
whoa.
Doctor: of cours i am! Here is
the test result, Ella is two
weeks pregnant!!!!
Ella: hmmmm
Me: thank you doc,,,,,thanks!
We left the hospital, I was so
on top the moon, Ella didn’t
seem happy.
Me: Ella? Whats wrong, you are
supposed to be happy right?
Ella: yeah i know,,,,but……
Me: but what?
Ella: you see, i was raped by
Rodelio roughly two weeks
ago, am not certain who the
father of my baby is, between
you two.
Me: that båstard!!! …..he is
dead already, it doesn’t matter
who the father is, whats more
important is that we are
together now, and we love
each other.
Ella: yes……i’m just too
curious…..we can test the
embrayo right
Me: what! Isn’t that a little too
risky?
Ella: no its not.
Me: if you really want that
then fine…….
We went back to the hospital
were Ella was admitted for
hours, the doctor succeeded in
getting a specimen from the
baby, using somd high-tech
xray equipment.
Two days later we returned for
the DNA result. Ella got hold of
the result first.
She stared into it so intently
that i could hardly make a
meaning out of her facial
expression.
Me: what is the result saying?
Ella: ………..*tears*


>>

Sugar FREE!!!!! [Read it]


Akpos enters Supermarket to buy
himself orange juice and sugar.
He paid for the orange juice and
walked
out with the sugar under his arm,
unpaid. At the door he was arrested and locked
up. During the court hearing, the judge
asked
him why he paid for the juice only and
stole the sugar?
Akpos replied, "I do not steal.
At the back of the juice bottle is said
SUGAR FREE.
One word for Akpos...... lol


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-16 11:36:53

162 Views



Lol [Read it]


Girl: What’s the price of this shirt?
Boy: 5 kisses. 
?Girl: What’s the price of that dress?
?Boy: 10 kisses.?
Girl: pack both of them dad will pay ?
Boy : oh f*ck


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-01 17:44:23

721 Views



they dead [Read it]


Once upon a time, there lived a sorcerer and a
wizard.
Unfortunately one day, they died...
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
What are you scrolling down for?
I said they died nah!
Abi Death get Part 2? ??
?_?
?. ??
?. ? ( ?°. ?? ?°)
??? >. ??
???/A ? ?
?? /?P/ ??
???P ?_?
? /?/ L
? /?/| E
?(?(?
?|?|??
?, | ? ? ?)
?| |??) /
`? )??L?
(_? am Just passing by...?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-26 01:20:25

263 Views




I love til the day n night i love u til i break down and cry i love u n i'll make u see that no one will love u more than me.

I Have "I" I Have "L" I Have "O" I Have "V" I Have "E" So please May I Have "U" ?

Fact in Love: Every guy wants 2 b d 1st guy in his girls lyf
& Every girl wants 2 b d last girl in her guys lyf

A cute luv quote which i personally believe:
"The path dat leads 2 happiness is so narrow dat two can not walk on it unless dey bcom one..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-06 07:35:14

605 Views




Gary Kremen, the founder of Match.com lost his girlfriend to a man she met on Match.com!Related

One day me and my friend went out together to buy boxer when we finish shoping on our way home we saw a woman that is selling akara my friend buy the akara and hide the akara inside d new boxer so that he will not give me as he reach the house his girlfriend come back he put on his boxer so that her girlfriend will see dat is new as they are having sex the pepper of d akara enter the private part of d girl she began to cry akara pepper.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-08 21:21:57

501 Views




A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche
and his parents began to
scream, "Where did you get that car!!!" He
calmly told them, "I bought
it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. "We
know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen
dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who
would sell a car like that
for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I
don't know her name--they
just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and
asked me if I wanted to
buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars." "Oh No," moaned the mother, "she must be a child
abuser. Who knows what she
will do next? John, you go right up there and see
what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the
house where the lady lived
and found her out in the yard calmly planting
petunias! He introduced
himself as the father of the boy to whom she had
sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call
from my husband. I
thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he
has run off to Hawaii
with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back.
He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did." #lobatan #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-16 11:47:30

716 Views



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