Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Continue part*****

We got to the restaurant and had our sat believe me she was looking more beautiful that day I really don't know why I see her that way maybe because I will be proposing to her today, the waitress came,ask what we will like to have I ordered for fried rice and chicken she also ordered The same addition with a bottle of red wine,the waitress left as soon as she was done writing down our request, I looked at Mimi her smile her really wonderful she was just staring at me and I wondered what was on her mind I just hope she is thinking of me.

Not long the waitress came placed what we ordered for on the table and left,we ate our meal in silent well since I met her I have laught to eat quitely she says it call table manner because truly I don't know what they call that.I stopped eating drank some wine then look at her she was concentrating on her meal, "Mimi "I spoke out.she stopped eating "yes what"she replied, my heartbeat was increasing should I go on or should I stop I was till calculating on my mind when she brought me back from my thought "uyi are you alright" she asked me looking into my eyes maybe searching something in there,I gave out a smile then I hold her hand that was placed on the table she let me, "I really don't know what to say or where to start,we have been close for some time now and it has really being fun,I know I might be the kind of man you hope to spend the rest of your life with and I konw I am not a sweet talker but pls whatever am about to say pls I want you to know it from my heart" I was looking into her eyes to see her reaction but she has been cool just smiling, " Mimi from the first day I set my eyes on you I really can't say but I know I felt something for you,but I was double minded that's why I played that trick on you see what you really are but to my greatest surprise you proved me wrong, and after that day I tryed all I could to fine you but I couldn't, I was already given up but God still brought you to me,we have spent a lot of time together so I know I have understood you enough I don't need a anyone to tell me you are the one for me,if only you will give me a chance to your heart,I can't promise you silver of gold but I will try to keep any promise I make to you" now it was time for the next step I got up went on my knees took out the the box of ring from my pocket "please Mimi will you do me the honor of becoming my wife" I was already sweating inside if me,I could see the shock in her eyes the next thing I saw was tear I couldn't understand why will she be crying did I do something wrong, I got up immediately to console her,I hug her "did I say anything wrong please am sorry I shouldn't have am sorry" I said till hugging her,she pull herself from me and started wiping the tear from her eyes, "no you did do anything it just that I never expected you to say this to me,we have been friend for over a year now but you never look at me I was just to surprise that you are proposing to me,I have loved you Hui and I will be the happiest woman on earth to have you as my husband" her words swept me off my feet Go would have thought that she was actually in love with me and I was there thinking she was not even thinking about me,I was so happy "is that a yes"I asked her to be sure,"yes I will marry you" she replied me, no one could measure my joy that day I took the ring and placed it on her finger it fit perfectly well,everything was falling in place for me.

I and Mimi now took it to the next level,my love for Mimi begin to grow more and more I couldn't stay a single day without seeing of talking with her,in no time I have introduced her to almost all my family it was just remaining my parents,I also need to see her people too that was how we agreed to visit Benin city,the thought of me going there brought great fear to me but I couldn't tell her whatever happened in Benin I was scared of her seeing me as an evil person so I made up my mind to keep it to myself,we got prepared and in no time we were on our way to Benin but I bent not to stay long.

Next episode


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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JOB INTERVIEW! [Read it]


INTERVIEWER: Tell me the opposite of Good.
MAN: Bad.
INTERVIEWER: Come.
MAN: Go
INTERVIEWER: Ugly
MAN: Fine
INTERVIEWER: U're wrong!
MAN: U're right!
INTERVIEWER: Shut up!
MAN: Keep talking!
INTERVIEWER: Ok now stop all that.
MAN: Ok now carry on all that.
INTERVIEWER: Get out!
MAN: Come in!
INTERVIEWER: Oh my God.
MAN: Oh my Devil.
INTERVIEWER: U're Rejected.
MAN: I'm selected.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-16 08:46:37

196 Views



teacher [Read it]


Teacher: What is a Verb?
Aboki : A Verb is a valve found in bicycle tyre.
Teacher: What are you saying?
Aboki : It is a complete sentence sir.
Teacher: Are you mad?
Aboki : It is a question sir. Teacher: Don't be
stupid.
Aboki : It is an advice sir.
Teacher: Stop that nonsense.
Aboki : It is a command sir.
Teacher: You're an idiot.
Aboki : It is an insult sir. Teacher: Get out of my
class.
Aboki : It is an order sir.
Teacher: Oh! Goodness, What a boy!
Aboki : It is an exclamation sir.
Teacher: May God have mercy on you.
Aboki : It is a prayer sir


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-19 21:25:57

352 Views





After getting out of Bode’s car, I went to the road to stop a cab going to M-Division Police Station with next to no concern about my torn dress, since my Ele Boje was the priority. My eyes was cleared now and it was as if i never drunk, that’s the power of love. Bode didn’t attempt to come out of the car. Maybe he was too confused to follow me. Lia! Lia!, there and then, I heard a familiar voice calling me. I turned back to sight Dija walking towards me.

“Why is your cloth so turned? Were you robbed? Your parents have been all about your whereabouts since you left, they were even contemplating on going to report you missing but I assured them you were okay” Dija explained enthusiastically

“I’ll explain later, but most importantly, my Ele Boje is in trouble, he was picked up during a police raid of his area, he sent me an SOS message and I have to go and meet him right away since he couldn’t tell his parents as we all know how strict is dad is”, I explained to Dija impatiently.

“Like this?”, Dija asked looking confused.

“Yes besty, Ele needs me right now, my dressing can come later”, I try to convince Dija.

“Ele is probably still on the counter since it was only a raid, what do you think Ele will say or think if he sees you like this especially as he met you with Bode this afternoon”, Dija remarked and I saw reason in her words.

“What do you suggest I do besty”, I asked sounding confused.

“First let’s go to your house and get you changed, from then we will proceed to the Police Station. It sounded like a nice idea. We got into Dija’s car and headed straight for my house.

++++++++++++++++
We got to my house in 20 minutes only to meet my parents waiting at the parlour looking very worried.

“Lia, where have you been? and why are your clothes thorned?”, Dad asked as he came closer to me, “you are drunk Lia!”, daddy said furiously. I knew i was in for it but I was more concerned of my Ele Boje in the police net.

“Its not what you think Sir, ill explain everything to you later, for now Lia needs to rest, she has gone through a lot”, Dija explained quickly coming to my rescue. She was really my besty indeed. But I was worried of how I’ll manage to meet up with my Ele Boje.

Dija walked me to my room where I changed and she advised me not to anger my parents more and have enough rest, she promised to handle my Ele Boje’s case. I was so happy with the kind of heavenly went besty I have and prayed God give everyone such a besty. I was so tired that it didn’t take me long to drift into the world of dreams.

——————————————————–
Ledan narrates

I waited patiently for the Duno to meet me at the arranged location. I had chose to come out at night to meet Duno since I know one of those Dija’s dogs might be watching. So i escaped through the fence. I’ll teach her experience conquers all. Its just a pity she will have to learn it the hard way from hell.
Oncoming footsteps jolted me from my reverie. I quickly hid behind the wall and peeped out to see Duno approaching. Duno was Jango’s second in command. We have known each other for close to 20 years. He had carried out several dirty jobs together alongside Jango without fail.

“Oga, oga.. You dey there?”, Duno asked in whispers.

“No I dey here, no be there”, I answered sarcastically as we both laughed and hugged each other in warm embrace.

“Duno my boy, you bring that package come?”, I asked Duno quickly rushing to business.

“Haha…oga mi..you nah trust yah boy Dunno again?…shey I don disappoint you before nii”, Duno asked back to back questions feigning annoyance before he handed over to me what I had asked him to bring. I opened the nylon to confirm the substance was intact. I shook my head in satisfaction.

“Duno, thank you so much, I feel so ashamed for doubting you, despite knowing you so well for 20 years, you’re definitely the best in this business”, I showered fake praises on Duno.

“Oga…only me…my head oooo”, Duno remarked putting his face down in childish blushing.

“Hope say nobody know about this package oo?”, i asked him with enthusiasm
“Oga… U still never trust me?… Na only u and me and the gods know oo”, he replied humorously.

“You’re more than a boy to me, you’re my bro”, I said as I approached him to hug him before i took the knife i was hiding and stabbed him several times with as he held on to me in immense pains.

“Why..why,” he asked moaned weakly as I dropped him on the ground and stabbed him one my time as he became unconscious. I didn’t bother to check if he had died because i know even a person loaded with charm won’t survive such.

I quickly burnt my clothes stained with blood and buried it, before changing to the clothes I brought along then proceeded home. As I got to our street, I saw Olodes manning the roads. I hadn’t thought of olodes when I left home and it made me so angry at myself. I looked at the time and it was 1:32am. Where on earth will I tell them I was coming from by this time of the day?, I thought. I wasn’t going to die in the hands of ordinary olodes. I had to think fast.

Suddenly an idea struck me and I smiled to myself. I remembered a Korean movie had seen QUEEN OF SHILLA, General Kim Yushin had devised a strategy of “causing confusion in the East to strike in the West. I remembered I still had the lighter I used to burn my clothes in my bag and a little bit of petrol I took from our generator.

I tiptoed to the bush a the right side of the road and removed my shirt and the jeans I had changed to and lit fire after pouring petrol. God so bless the leaves were dry the fire quickly spread while I quickly run to the right side of the bush before I could be noticed. Just immediately, I saw the olodes running towards that side why one still waited.
I used my singlet to cover my face to prevent recognition as I launched an attack on the olode who was caught unawares. I used is gun to knock him out as I ran home before the others could notice.

———————————————
Ele narrates

It was almost 8am the following morning. I was so tired and worried of course. looked around and observed that out of over a dozens of cellmates who were brought in yesterday night, only Bobo and I remain.

Bobo was a short light skinned dude seemingly in his mid twenties. He had entertained us all night with breadth taking stories. Even the great Coolval writer Audrey Timms would duff her heart for him. He was now sleeping and snoring. Bobo had come to report his girlfriend who had raped his 17 years younger bro to the police but the girl had bribed the police who took Bobo the complainant into the cell by manipulating the case. Now Bobo who was working for his upkeep and his bro’s had no one to bail him out. He had vowed he won’t give a dime to the police but maybe he would change his mind after he discovers he was the only one remaining. I still thought of Queency’s text message and felt devastated once more. Because of love, I miswaka enter wahala, chaiiii.

I heard footsteps of an officer approaching. I thought someone had come for Bobo since I know no one was coming for me.

“Who’s Ele Ledan?”, the officer asked in a baritone voice.

“I am her Sir”, I answered with a mixture of surprise and excitement. Queency didn’t mean why she said in the text message after all, I has thought. The officer led me to the counter as I followed beside him. When I got to the counter, I raised up my head to see Dija instead of Queency. My disappointment was clearly visible on my face.

“Heeii Ele.. What did they do to you? Hope they didn’t rough handle you?” Dija asked back to back question as she stretched a nylon over to me which I collected.

When I checked the nylon, I saw two ceramic plates and an hollandia milk. I opened the plates to meet my favourite food Tuwo and Egusi with turkey. I was surprised, even Queency was yet to know my favourite food. I didn’t waste time as I devour the food in record time as everyone watched on in amusement. Who could blame me when i haven’t tasted any food since yesterday noon. I was forced into compulsory fasting. I resisted the urge to lick the plate. God knows I wanted more because the food was so delicious.

“Take your belt and sign here”, and officer ordered me pointing to a book. I remembered when we were brought in yesterday night, the officer on duty had asked one of us to spell belt after several failed attempts to spell it himself. My fellow cellmates and i did well to hold in our laughter.

“You’re now free to go, madam has bailed you”, the officer said pointing to after I finished signing.
I was so speechless. I followed Dija outside. As we approached her car I couldn’t help but kept thanking her while she insisted I was embarrassing her with my over gratefulness.

“So where do we go no?”, I asked Dija my saviour.

“To my house, because I have covered up for you with your parents, and for them to believe what I told them you have to freshen up change and get rid of those clothes, what’s more?, there’s lot of egusi in my pot”, she explained with a charming smile as the worms in my stomach danced Shoki for joy.

“What about your parents?”, I asked still concerned.

“They are not around!, they are never around!”, she replied with a kind of emotion I’ve never seen before. I then realised I didn’t even know anything about Diva, just that she has been my regular helper and Queency’s besty. Yet she hasn’t asked anything from me. She’s really a Diva. Diva Dija really saved my a.ss.

“Let’s go then”, I said as she drove off.

——————————————————————
Khadijat narrates

I couldn’t believe my dream would soon become a reality. Hard work and determination really pays, I thought.

*******flashback*******
I flash back to yesterday remembering how I’ve acted on the messages sent by Manual and Auto. I had asked Auto to track the police to the police station where they carried Ele to while I went to Mokola myself to meet Lia but after she told me about Ele’s message, I had to change plans.

After getting to her house and settling issues with her with her parents, I convinced her to sleep. As soon as she slept off, I took her phone to send a messages but I couldn’t remember her password. I had to change the sim to my phone where I sent the most heart broken message to my Ele.
*********back to prsent******

I didn’t want to hurt my Ele but it was a sacrifice I had to make for the greater good.

We got to my house in no time and my Ele couldn’t help but marvel over the novelty of my house. I had to urge him to come in since time wasn’t on our side. As we for in, wonders shown all over my Ele’s face like he’s just seen heaven. I urged him to go and freshen up which he did right away.

I got the new cloths I bought for my Ele which he went to change inside the room. After coming out he looked more handsome than ever in the blue polo and and velvet chino with a timberland to match.

“Wow Ele!, you’re a sight to behold, dark beauty! So handsome”, I said in excitement as I ran to hug him. It felt like I had been electrocuted the moment I hugged him, it was so divine. I proceeded to kiss him and oh the kiss was kiss of Paradise. Ele was too shocked too do anything but later push me off him as i came to my senses.

“What’s wrong with you Dija?, what we re doing is wrong please”, Ele protested.

“Ele, I have something to tell you”, I said face down. As Ele were about to reply, four mask men came in and said nobody should move.

“That’s him, kill him!”, one of them said.

“Please……. wh…..y do you wa….n…..t to kill me?, who sent you please”, Ele asked scared out of his wits.

“Queency said to give you this message, ‘i love with passion and I hate with passion’ “, one of them replied as two of them attempted to stab Ele but I blocked it by lying ontop of Ele as the knives stuck into my back.

As they attempted to stab me again, car horn was heard outside making the mask men withdraw. As soon as they left, Ele came to my aid by trying to stop the blood from flowing but there was little he could do. Just then, dad and mum entered and met Ele hands in blood. Daddy rushed at Ele and landed blows on him before calling the police. My vision became blur as I drifted into the world of unconsciousness.
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I so much appreciate all those who been commenting regularly and the ghost readers, may God bless you as you learn lot of lessons from this story.

Predict and win #1000 recharge card of any network of your choice.
Who can predict correctly the bad things to happen in the three bad days?

E.g
First Bad Day
thunder strikes and kills Ele,

Second Bad Day
Ele is killed or paralysed in a bomb explosion

Third Bad Day
accident

If you get two of the Bad Days correct, you can still win the prize.
Stay tuned to this scintillating story.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Faithfull [Read it]


KWAME: I don't know why people find it difficult to be faithful to their spouses and partners.                                   


AKPOS: I can't even imagine it. I have never cheated on my six girlfriends.  


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-06 01:09:54

294 Views




Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.

~ Helen KellerRelated

A lady goes into Akpos gun shop. "Please can you borrow me a small pistol gun." Says the lay. "What for?" Akpos asked. "I caught my husband sleeping with another woman and I want to blow his fucking head." Says the lady. "Do you have any license?" Akpos ask. The lady says "No sir". "That means no gun for you" says akpos. She pleaded to him but he refused. The lady put her hand into her bag and brought out a picture of her husband in bed with another woman and show to Akpos. Akpos looked at the picture and shouted "JESUS!", he rushed inside and brought pump action gun and gave the lady."But I said pistol not pump action" says the lady. "That man deserve some thing bigger than pistol, in fact don`t pay me money again I like doing charity work" says Akpos. The lady collected the gun, thanked him and left. Next day the lady returns with the gun.
Akpos: hw did you go?
Lady: He has joined his ancestors.
Akpos says "GOOD for him, let me see how he will come and fuck my wife again"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-07 22:02:06

15574 Views




"Tell me why?" I asked softly and I held my breath waiting for him to answer.  His gaze flickered to my lips briefly before his eyes met mine again.

He closed his eyes as he turned away from me. A moment or two passed before he let out a sigh as turned to face me. The conflict I'd seen in his face before was gone.

"Can you blame me for worrying about you after what happened with your date the other night?" he answered. "You're my best friend's little sister. It's my job to watch out for you."

My heart sank at the realization that was all I would ever be to me. Angered flared up inside of me but I refused to allow him to see it.

"Well I'm not dating him," I reminded, trying to keep my tone normal.

Just because one guy tried to get a little frisky with me didn't mean that every other guy was going to do the same. There had been a tiny little piece of me that had held onto the hope that he had been jealous.

He was rock star who could have any girl he wanted.  It was laughable that I'd even entertained the idea that he might actually like me.  I kept doing this to myself and I needed to learn to stop it, somehow. I rubbed my forehead when I began to get a slight headache.

"Are you okay?" he asked pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked to him.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked while he studied me.

I nodded my head.

"It's just you rubbed your head. Are you getting a headache?"

"Just because I'm getting a headache doesn't mean I'm going to get a migraine," I assured him.

When I'd started working I'd been worried that I might start getting more migraines but so far I hadn't.

"Thank you for the lift," I said as I made a move to open the door.

"You're welcome," he replied before I got out the car.

He followed me inside my house. It was a Friday night, which meant he was probably going out with my brother somewhere. I had made plans to spend the night by Reece. We were planning to go to a party and I was looking forward to it.

I walked into the house and it was quiet, which meant we were alone.

Inside the kitchen to get something to drink. I'd just gotten a glass out of the cupboard when I heard his footsteps. I was always nervous when we were alone, and I hated that I felt that way. Grey stood in the doorway watching me as I walked to the fridge to get some orange juice.

"o you want some?" I asked.

"Yes please."

I got another glass out of the cupboard and poured him some.

"Thanks. How's the job going" he asked while he stood beside me and took his glass.

"It's okay," I answered with a shrug. The truth was I was enjoying it. I was earning my own money and meeting new people. It was giving some of the independence I craved.

"Have you got plans tonight?" he asked, suddenly looking curious.

"Yeah. I'm going to Reece and then we're going out."

Whenever I felt his eyes on me I could feel the butterflies flutter to life inside my stomach.

"What are you and my brother up to tonight?" I asked, glancing in his direction.  

"We're probably going out," he replied with a shrug.

I took a sip of my orange juice before I walked back to the fridge and put orange juice carton back.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Ladka: Kash Main Tera Blouse Hota, To Sara Din Tere Se Chipka Rehta.

Ladki: Fir Saara Maza Koi Aur Leta Aur Tu Khidki Pe Tanga Jhool Raha Hota!Related

open Confession [Read it]



Man: Pastor, I have sinned.
Pastor : My son, what did you
do, just confess what exactly you did and it
shall br well. God Almighty will forgive you.
Man: (sobbing), Pastor I committed adultery
with several of the female church members
Pastor : can you mention their names and how
many times you slept with each of them? You
see, for your forgiveness to be complete, you
need to mention them, so that we can also pray
for them.
Man…: Aaaah Pastor I can’t, I am too ashamed.
Pastor; Okay this is what we will do; after
service, we will go to the church entrance
together and watch members come out, once
anyone you have slept with comes out, just say
‘pau’. If it is once you slept with her.
The
Number of times you say ‘pau’ will indicate the
Number of times you slept with that particular
person.
And so they went to the church entrance after
service. The Head usher passes wriggling her
buttocks.
Man: Pau. Pau
Pastor: The Lord forgive you. Deacon’s wife
passes carrying bible.
Man: Pau
Pastor :May the Lord forgive you. A choir
member passes singing.
Man: Pau pau pau
Pastor: God will forgive you. Yes, he will.
Lo and behold…Pastor’s wife passes by and
Man goes off like a machine gun.
Man: Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau
Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau Pau…
Pastor: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee paaaa!!! May God
punish your father!!!!!!! God will never forgive
you!
LWKMD, Yeye man, yeye amebo pastor.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-18 20:26:50

256 Views




husband and wife agreed that whenever they want to have sex they will call it ' phone call' so that the children won't understand. one day dad sand son to tell mum, that he went's to make a phone call mum, replies tell dad that network is busy to day; dad replies tell mum that the call is urgent. if the network is busy am going to a public phone booth: mum replies tell him that if he date goes to public phone booth, I Will open a business central and all phone calls will be free.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-04-05 21:44:36

245 Views




RAPE EPISODE 9 (STORY BY DINDY)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this story...

He gabbed my hand and pulled me back to the ground then he --Crying--, I don't think I have the mind to say this --crying-- he RA...PED ME.......(crying more and more).
That was my first time of being raped --I now fully understand how blessing felt when she was raped--. I hate men, I hate that stupid man that calls himself my mum's husband, God will punish him for what he did to me, I never imagined that such a man could do what he did to me --crying--.
After he RA...PED me --crying--, I felt so empty and lost, I felt like a useless living soul, I felt dishonored, I felt like a used cloth, I felt like the worst human on earth, I felt like an object that could be used anyhow (God!).
That day was a living hell for me, I laid on the floor crying and crying, I cried for hours (2 hours), the tears in my eyes dried up but I still cried internally, my heart was crying with pain and anger, my soul was bleeding and my mind was scattered.
I managed to pick myself up and was about entering my room when I saw him coming again, I used my last strength too open my room door go in and locked it (I am sure he was going to the parlour to clean his evil doing off the ground and air), I fell on the bed and continued crying and crying.
My mum, Ruth and Blessing came back by 6pm and by that time I was already sleeping, Blessing came to my room --it is not completely my room because I and Blessing share the same room, but I just like calling it my room--. She knocked so hard which made me jumped out of my sweet dream (me and my dad playing and singing songs), I woke up feeling sad because I thought the dream was real, coming back to reality to face my pains were really really hard for me (a child of 10years old).
I stood up and went to open the door, I opened it and went back straight to bed, Blessing came in and she started telling me everything that happened in the hair saloon, but everything that Blessing said to me were like wind blowing pass my ears, I couldn't pay attention to her, I was lost in thoughts and I couldn't hold on to the pain any more.
I started crying again, Blessing was surprise to see me cry, so she went to call Ruth and my mum.
When they came, they started asking me questions, I couldn't answer them because I was afraid, I just kept on crying and crying, my mum got angry and insisted that I told her why I was crying, I was about to talk about what happened but that so called idiot who called himself my step dad came into my room.
When I saw him fear took over me, I was totally afraid and i wanted to run away from my room because he was there, I just stylishly told my mum that I was told that one of my friends in my school dead of motor accident, my mum looked at me and said "sorry", Ruth said "so this is how life is" and Blessing steered at me like I was some cartoon while my step dad just said "sorry dear" but his eyes where looking into mine with a warning of "do not say anything about what happened or else", I just looked down and cleaned my eyes.
Days, weeks and months went very fast (I always kept avoiding that stupid man), anytime I'm alone with him, I usually go out or lock myself up in my room until someone comes back home, from time to time he would try to get me alone in his room or in my room but all his plans ended up failing. I never found the courage to tell my mum what happened to me.....................to be continue.
STORY BY DINDY AKA NNAMDI
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi



LETTING GO [Read it]


LETTING GO
SHORT STORY

“I was told our relationship wont
last for long
and we will have much trouble if
we get
married to each other. I’m sorry it
had to end
this way. Please, I need you to
understand
why we have to end this
relationship”. Dan said
to Tara on the phone. Tara’s eyes
were already soiled with tears. His
call woke her up around 12:40am.
It was quite
unusual for him to call this late,
she had
thought before pressing the
receive button on
her phone. But now she wished
her phone was
off and he never found a means
to contact her. “If I offended you,
please forgive me. Why
must we end it now because a
Pastor told you
so. Think about the 6years we
have been
together. Don’t leave me now”.
Tara pleaded
painfully. “I can’t do anything
about it Tara. My hands
are tight, I don’t want to risk the
future. Think
about it too dear. I’m really hurt
too, but the
prophecy was too much for me.
We have to
end it now.” he continued on the
phone. Tara was too shocked. She
felt weak and tired
and she didn’t want to talk again
“OK. I’ve
heard you. I now know you never
really loved
me. It’s over, I agree it’s over.”
she sniffed and
ended the call. Tara and Dan had
been together for 6years.
They started out as friends and
being a next
door neighbor to each other, it
helped their
relationship. They were of the
same age with
two months intervals between Dan
and Tara.
They talked about everything and
anything. Both parent questioned
the close rapport
between them, but they always
insist they
were just friends. When Dan
gained an admission to a school
in
the north, Tara was scared she
might loose
him to another girl. She had
already gained
admission into a school in the
neighbouring
state and it didn’t affect their
closeness much.
She cried secretly when she saw
him all packed and ready to leave
for school. “Nothing
can come between us Tara. Not
even
distance. I know your fears and I
assure you it
won’t happen.” she recalled his
words the
previous night and tried to
console herself. During school
breaks it was always fun. They
had their shortcomings, but they
always sort it
out between themselves. Both
parents knew
there was something more than
friendship
between them, but they kept their
mute about
it. Tara was the first to graduate as
she gained
an admission before him. But she
wasn’t
interested in the Youth Service
Program. She
soon got a job, though the pay
wasn’t so good.
But she felt it was better than
waiting on her
widowed mother for her needs. A
year later, Dan graduates too. He
was
awarded the best student of the
school for that
year. When Tara heard this, she
was elated.
She had always loved him for his
brilliancy and
had a crush on him for that and
his good looks
before they become lovers. He
was posted to the north for his
Youth Service Program and
Tara felt pained and scared again.
“I was in school far away from
you for four
years and I never cheated on you.
How can I
cheat on you or leave you now
that’s only a
year. Don’t be scared dear, I’ll
always love you
and you alone.” He assured her “I
believe you.” she smiled and gave
him a
warm hug. After his Youth Service
Year, he was retained
in the bank were he served. He
wanted to
refuse the offer, but Tara
encouraged him to
stay till he had another job. They
both send
each other letters ’cause that was
the only
means of communication then.
Distance made the relationship
stronger. But there was a problem.
Tara and Dan’s
parents were not in good terms.
Dan’s mum
was always comparing herself with
everyone
in town and Tara’s mum hates
such attitude.
She would come to Tara’s
compound to
borrow anything new that can be
borrowed without returning it.
“My daughter will never be your
in-law” Tara’s
mum will say to herself
“Who will be an in-law to
someone who acts
abnormally like this? ” this and
many thoughts
flooded her head whenever she
sees Dan’s mother. “Tara, I know
you are in love with Dan, but can
you handle his mother? She will
become
possessive of your home when
you get
married. Forget all those pretence
of a kind
gesture she always does. I don’t
want you to
go there my dear.” Tara’s mum
told her severally Tara felt her
mum hates her. “How could she
say such things about that kind
woman? I
know she normally does some of
the things
she says, but she has changed.”
she said as
she lamented to her brother. After
six months, Dan was transferred to
another branch of the bank in the
neighbouring
state next to his. Tara was glad to
have him
close again. She had stopped
working
because of the little pay. She was
planning to
study more, but she didn’t have
enough money to settle the fees.
“It’s just a 15months course, I’ll
foot the bill and
pay for anything you might need.”
Dan
assured her to start when she
payed him a
visit. I should have read the signs
and understood I
wasn’t wanted anymore when his
mum
changed from her over caring
mother to a
snub, but I was blinded by love.”
she said as
she wiped the tears off her face
“He truly paid for my course and
other needs like he promised, but
I was writing my last
exam when he called that night to
say it is
over.” she turned to Her friend
whom she was
narrating her reason for being
single too. Her friend tried to
console her and understood
the reason she was never able to
let him go.
“But it’s 10years already now, why
haven’t you
been able to love someone else?
You are still
hurt my dear” she walked up to
her and placed
Tara’s head on her shoulder. Tara
wailed and sniffed continuously
on her
shoulder “I still love him….I… I
still love him! He
got married 6months after our
break up. Can
you believe that?” she raised her
head to give
her friend an inquisitive look. “I
understand dear. But you have to
let go now!
You are not getting any younger.
He is living
his life and you are here
punishing yourself
unnecessarily. Let somebody love
you.” Tara’s
friend advised “I couldn’t… I can’t
open up to someone else.
None of them as been able to fill
the void he
left in me. All those other guys
were no match
for my Dan.” She continued in
tears. “I understand you! But you
are getting older by
the day. That man is waiting for
you to let go
so he could come in. You can’t
keep holding on
to your past and expect your
future to be
bright. You have to let go of those
filthy rags
and create a place for the
beautiful clothes. Open your heart
and set your soul free. I want
to be present at your wedding. I
want to see
you dance and hear tidings about
how he
cares and love you.” She advised,
patting her
back, holding out a face towel
from her bag for
Tara. The one with Tara was
already soiled with tears. “Cry all
you want to now. But don’t forget
my
advice. Face that fear and it will
vanish away.
Treat that wound and it will dry
up. I don’t want
you to continue like this.” she
ended lifting
Tara’s head from her shoulder and
gave a an
assuring smile. When Tara got
home, she was tired and felt
weak, but she was determined to
get rid of the
pain in her heart. She brought out
Dan’s picture
from the purse in the corner of
her bag where
she always kept it. She kept
staring at his
picture and flash scenes of the
moment they had together came
before her eyes. She cried
and screamed “Why? Why did you
do this to
me? Why did you leave me Dan?”
After a while she picked her
phone beside her
and played Trey Songz “Heart
Attack”. Tears
flowing down her cheeks. She
sang along and
had the song on repeat. She stood
up abruptly
after a while and muttered “this is
my first step
to freedom” she took the picture
before her and wanted to tear it,
but on a second thought,
she took it to her box and kept it
below her
clothes.
“At least, I know you are far from
me now. I
won’t keep you close again!” she
said as she
closed her box. She jumped on the
bed feeling quite relieved
and changed the music playing on
her phone
to “Adele. Someone Like You”
After a brief stare at the ceiling,
she picked her
phone again and sent a text to her
latest
admirer who has been head over
toes for her. “Can we meet
tomorrow at a location of your
choice. Bills on me.” she pressed
the send
button and heaved a deep sigh.
Dedicated to every single lady
who was hurt
and is yet to see reasons to love
again. Let go
of your past hurts,past is gone,its time to face the future with happiness


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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WRITE UP BY DINDY: SUCCESS (DHS)

Please do not share without talking to me personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this write up.
A lady I admire some much, a lady with attitude and class. A personality to obtain, an image to reflect to young raising generations.
A strong fighter with a heart full of love and joy, a singer with style untouched, a rapper with the right flows.
She's an overcomer; surpassing every single blockage right on her path, she moves strongly taking down all her challenges head on.
She never stops no matter what is said about her or who pushes her down, her heart beats for what she loves. Although nature threw hardship on her, she turns it into a life of relaxation.
Her name is the way she lives (Success), she stands out in everything she does.
Success, a lady I wish to look like, a friend I wish to more to.
She's a raising star, a rapper, a singer and a beautiful model.
Her songs are wonderfully unique, her styles dope with crazy beats. She has released three songs
1).Reigning King by DHS.
2). God Is In Me by DHS.
She sings with passions and love from her heart, she is a true lady.
SUCCESS A GREAT LADY.
SHE IS MY LADY.
If you wanna get her super cool awesome songs kindly chat her up on facebook: DHS Ferdinand
And please follow her on Instagram: @DHS_successful.
Thank you so much fans.
MY NAME IS NNAMDI AKA DINDY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP FOR MR ELVIS. LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. THANKS FOR READING.
contact me on
Whatsapp/Viber: 07087750433
Email: [email protected]
or
Email: [email protected] Facebook: Ossy andy Nnamdi
Skype: 07087750433
or
Skype: [email protected]
Twitter: @nnamdiossy
INSTAGRAM: @ossynnamdi








NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Memories are transferred in the brain from temporary to permanent storage while we sleep.Related

Jab Chote The Hum To Zor Se Rote The;

Jo Pasand Hota Tha Use Paane Ke Liye;

Aaj Bade Hain To Chupke Se Rote Hain;

Jo Pasand Hai Use Bhulane Ke Liye!Related

Pankaj fell in love

Pankaj married

Pankaj divorced

Pankaj udaas



Sonia was walking.

Sonia slipped.

Sonia fell into the drain.

Sonia Gandhi



Sameera went to a parlor

Sameera did her hair

Sameera did her makeup

Sameera Reddy



Kangana hit the ball

Kangana took a single

Kangana did not reach the crease

Kangana Ranaut.



Hrithik buys bulb

Hrithik puts bulb in socket

Hrithik switches bulb on

hrithik roshan



Lance arms weak.

Lance joins gym.

Lance does chin-ups.

Lance Armstrong





Poonam puts Chuna

Poonam puts Kathha

Poonam puts Gulkand

Poonam puts supari

Poonam Pandey



Anil menbatti

Anil agarbatti

Anil dhoop

Anil kapoor



Umar walking on the road

Umar got kidnapped

Umar not found by family

Umar gul



Minisha purchased a cycle

Minisha started riding cycle

Minisha’s height increased

Minisha lamba



William making fruit shake

William took pears

William put them in glass

William shakespeare



Mika went to studio

Mika went to recording room

Mika took the mike

Mika singhRelated

Growing up means realizing that a lot of your childhood friends are assholes!Related

"its beautiful, really beautiful" "thanks for ur compliments, i appreciate" "madam, do u mind if i ask further question on how i can get a similar one?" "not at all, my pleasure" "this wrapper is one in town" "thanks, urs is beautiful too" "oh, thank u madam. whats ur name, if u dont mind?" "sure, my name is chiyerum" "beautiful name, mine is adamma nd i admire u a lot madam" "thank u adamma nd compliments of d season dear" "thanks madam" "its nice meeting u" "u too" (jxt hold on let me c if i have chizi's address with me chiyerum told ada"


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The new disaster training code:


Whenever Asaram says HARI OM, the female devotees should HURRY HOME!Related

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.I've been finding real passion with Stacy.
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-05 19:17:55

475 Views




Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was
drinking battery acid, the other was eating
fireworks. They charged one - and let the other
one off.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-17 08:43:01

135 Views



jokes colabo [Read it]


U dey carry ur girlfriend go club; after u marry her finish u wan stop her frm goin to club. My broda u think say miracle fit happen?

• Ur girlfriend dump u for rich man u say she b gold digger, bt ur sister do d same to anoda perso u giv testimony for Church
say, na grace of God. Bros park well!!

• Your babe get F9 parallel for WAEC, she still dey ask for Brazilian Hair of #150,000 . Abeg where she wan fix am?,
on top that coconut head?

• U have 8 tribal marks, stretch marks scattered all ova ur body yet u still want a tattoo...ah! my friend; u be zebra?!!

• U are 6 feet tall, u still com wear 6 inches high heeled shoe... shey u wan whisper to God?

• U dey snap inside different type of cars yet u expect ur man to believe say u no cheat. .aunty, u be mechanic?

• U gather different gals picture for ur fone & yet u xpect ur gal to believe say u no cheat.. uncle, u be photographer?

• He give u engagement ring for over five years, he never marry u, my dear, u be lord of d rings?

•you dey pay your babe wey dey university school fees and yet u never write JAMB, U be scholarship board?

•U are 18yrs and ur sugar daddy is 70yrs old and u still dey call am BABY, my sister, he suppose be ANCESTOR.

•Your babe is licking ice cream...u're drinking pure water...pls guy Are u diabetic?


•U claim say u eat rice and stew, but u come vomit fufu and egwusi soup. Omo u be magician? .


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-04 23:21:55

232 Views




Pehle Shirt Utaari

Uske Baad Pant Utaari

Aur Fir Banyan Utaari

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Saala, Garmi Fir Bhi Buhut Lag Rahi Hai!Related

Crazy Parrot [Read it]


A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome, so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help.The store he entered specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet.Surprised, he mutters, "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"The parrot says, "With my penis, you dummy."The guy is startled and says, "You certainly talk well for a parrot."The parrot says, "Of course, I’m a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."The guy says, "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."The parrot says, "There’s not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me, I’ll bet he’ll sell me."The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Bush said this, the A’s won, the Giants lost, the Pope did so and so.One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says, "Come in and shut the door."The guy says, "What’s up?"The parrot says, "I don’t know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips."The guy says, "Oh, a momentary flight of passion."The parrot says, "Well, maybe, but then he fondled her breasts."The guy says, "He did??"The parrot says, "Yes. Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking on her breasts."The guy says, "My God, what happened next!?"The parrot says, "I don’t know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-14 14:13:01

389 Views




Akpos and his son akpos jnr were listening to a Radiobroadcast, eventually akpos jnr looked at his dad and said, papa; this people are making a very big mistake.Then AKPOS asked him “son what is the matter”his son replied saying, “when Mr Obi died, they announced’OBITUARY and now Mr Okoro died, they still announced Obituary again instead of OKOROTUARY.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-10 15:48:32

160 Views





While growing up I felt so different and did things
differently. Naturally I am an introvert, my class
mates in sec school would say I have a unique
way of doing things. I felt so cool about myself
especially the ability to control how I feel
generally. I am very handsome and the kind of
guy girls easily throw themselves at, again I felt
my ability to resist certain temptations was
because I had self control. Growing up in a
Christian home their are things we don’t ask
mom and dad, I would look at Lil bro and notice I
had a smaller scrotum but I didn’t feel something
was wrong with me.
All these years I never understood I had a real
problem. Am all grown now but I can’t keep a
relationship!! My siblings will always crack a joke
about how unlucky I was with finding a good
date. First time I got a girlfriend, very loving and
caring young girl. We started off for 2yrs without
se_x. It wasn’t a problem for me I don’t know
what se_x feels like but it was to her and she
wanted it badly I knew I would loose her if I
don’t and she began to wonder if I was a man.
First time we tried s*x I couldn’t get erected, I
felt it was anxiety and she was supportive.
Second and third was worse but we kept trying.
She had to tell me to see a doctor fast because I
am not okay. se_x ended up being an issue and
we broke up.
I dated two other girls and the last girl said it to
my face “YOU ARE IMPOTENT” And that was
when it occurred to me this is serious. I went to
see a urologist and after the blood test it was
confirmed I had low T. Low testosterone below
normal. I couldn’t believe I had a problem like
this until I did a sperm analysis. I had
oligospermia!! 95% abnormality. Further test
showed I had Hypogondasim, it’s yet unknown if
it’s secondary or primary Hypogondasim. I knew
I had gone down that road where u look back and
ask life What did I do to deserve this? How do I
convince a girl to even accept to marry me? Is
their really a God? Why am I a man if God won’t
give me what I need to become a man. Every
solution I have heard so for is impractical,
expensive or ridiculous.
Imagine injecting testosterone for 6 months
before ur fit to make love to your wife? Or
injecting my joystick to stay up before se_x?
Alpha blockers like viagra has no effect on me at
all. Apart from sexual performance science is yet
to understand male fertility and a lot of things
will be tried on me, this could take years!!! If it’s
so simple as doctor’s will easily say why are
their cases of 25yrs without a child some never
have a child and just adopt. Why are their so
many drugs and injections if one thing works.
Am at the bridge of taking my life, I see no point
making all these money and sit down in an empty
house sad and lonely.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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To my mother [Read it]


A man and his wife quarrelled. After the
fight, the wife went into the bedroom. A
few minutes later, the husband also
trooped into the bedroom only to find
the wife busy packing her suitcase! He
asked "You are packing! Where are you
going?" She answered "To my mother"
The man paused for a while and also
got his big brown pure leather suitcase
& started packing his clothes. The angry
wife stared at him and said "You are
packing! Where are you going?" He
replied "Oh yeah! I"m going to my
mother!" The wife replied, "To your
mother!! And what about the 6
children?! Who is going to look after
them?" The man replied, "You are going
to your mother! I'm going to my
mother. The 6 children should also go
to their mother!!
Everyone should have a
mother to go to.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-18 15:10:05

469 Views




Among these four Nigerian comedians who mumu pass?








NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-06 15:13:38

684 Views




One year later…

Ele narrates...
March 20, 2020.
A week to the bad day.

Me: Yes oooo, greet Sophia my wife for me ooo

Promzy: maka hear, what of Queency?, playboy like you

Me: Queency won’t know naaa,even your boo get boo……

Promzy: *laughs* na u sabi..bye bye jooor

Me: bye too..abeg greet my second love Debby for me ooo
*Casanova,* i heard Sophia’s voice over the speaker..

Promzy: sey u don hear your sweets so, you be modern day Casanova, bye jaweew
*she hangs up*

Haahahaa…I thought of Promzy, she was such a sweet and sexy girl, but as the Casanova i have become since I entered school, I’m not the right guy for her because I’ll only play with such an innocent girl’s heart. I have called Norah, Damariz, Ronke, Tolu, Dami, yemi and about a dozen other girls.

I was cruising on MTN free call cheat, I lied to most girls that my dad was a business mogul and I didn’t even have to check my account balance since money flow in every week. They had actually believe my lies. Franco was the only guy I had called so far, I didn’t want to call my Diva, Dija now, I had called my room wifey Sophia Chinaza, i had called my Personal Person Sofia Elvis, i thought of who to call between my three cool palz, Besty my best friend in coolval chatroom, Adeshewa my one and only cutie noona, or Shewa herself my female Besty.

Just when I wanted to decide on who to call i heard a knock on the door. I went to get the door as Dija came in.

“Hehe, think of the devil!”, I exclaimed making Dija fake a frown.

“Can I come in now?”, she said smirking her face.

“Yes, who am I to stop Her Grace from coming in” , I said in a flattering manner.

“Haaaaaaaaa… You will never seize to surprise me my sunshine”, she remarked laughing.

“I was born to surprise you and make you happy Nkemo while you were born to be my soul mate”, I explained smiling wildly as she walked in and sat on a chair in my room.

I was living in a one room self contained apartment in Okeodo, Tanke in Ilorin. Dija, Queency and I all got admitted two months ago to the prestigious University of Ilorin. While I was given sociology to study instead of the course I chose, accounting, Dija got her desired course to study Common Law while Queency on the other hand got admitted to study Medicine.

“Sunshine, what have you been up to?”, Dija asked as she got sited on a plastic chair in my room.

“Nothing much Nkemo, just chilling around”, I replied smiling sheepishly.

“But I’ve been trying your number and it was busy all through, hope you’re not dealing with those your call cheats again oo?”, she asked tickling me.

“Nooooooo Nkemo”, i shrugged on the bed because the tickle was quite ticklish. Dija sensed this and came closer tickling under my armpit as I kept laughing and pleasing with her to stop.

“When will you stop acting like JJC my love?, this is what evey young lover is doing nowadays”, she tried to make me reason with her as I put my head down feeling shy and scared.

“Its not my fault Nkemo, I’m just so scared of the later end of our to-be acts”, I tried to make her reason with me.

“Hahahaaahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha”, she laughed out loud, “you’re suffering from atavistic thinking baby boy, things don change, I brought a condom with me even without that, even without condom, there’s the withdrawal method where you withdraw your weapon before you release your white bullets, there’s also emergency pills which I could easily get in any store and take after strafing, what’s more, I could take pills too, so chilax baby and let’s do the needful”, Dija expertly explained making me wonder if she was really a virgin as she claimed.

“I understand you, I’ve even read about the withdrawal method in one of Onihazy’s story and also Snakie’s story, but you know I’m still a wannabe when it comes to strafing, I may be overwhelmed by the excitement of the occasion and shoot my bullets into you, what about the spiritual complications? since two bloods will be joined together”, I countered Dija.

“Hahahahaa…you never seize to make me laugh, see as you dey act like Teletubby and you go dey form Casanova for Coolval Chatroom”, she remarked, “come here joor”, she requested as she drew closer to me putting her hands around my neck saying while she placed her mouth on my ear whispering sweet sounds to my ear which sent sensations all over my body. Before I knew it, I had a bulge and was shaking like someone about to be slaughtered by ritual killers.

Before i knew what was happening, I started kissing Dija, and I must admit, it was out of this world, I took my right hand to unbutton her blouse as her already hard bobby struggled out. Mehnnn , Dija’s bobby was so big ehnnn, I couldn’t help but attack the Bobby with my hand as Dija moaned. My shaking as stopped, my eyes shown with desperation to do what I’ve been fantasising about for years. She looked more beautiful unclad and irresistible. Mehnn, nah only if the world end right now I no go staff this babe.

“Ele mi, I need you inside of me, you’re the right person to take my essence as a lady away, staff me like there’s no tomorrow”, she begged pleadingly.

“Are you sure baby?”, I asked pretending as if I didn’t want it.

“Now please!, I want you inside of me now!”, she said with the sexiest voice I’ve ever had.

Bang! Bang! Bang!, we heard the door sounding just as I was about to lunch my bolt. We refuse to answer and wanted to proceed. Bang! Bang!! Bang!!!, we heard again. O God, dat person whether born of woman or spirit go jam trailer die for destroying the most beautiful moment of my life, I cursed inwardly with anger. Dija and I quickly dressed up as I went to check the door in a Jack Bauer mood ready to beat demons out of that person. I got to the door and was surprised to see Aarti my number one crush in Unilorin who has been forming popularity for me. My Jack Bauer spirit quickly left me as I smiled.

“Good afternoon Sir”, Aarti greeted as I watched in awe as the ever pompous Aarti called me “Sir”.

“Afternoon ma’am”, I replied in accordance, “Bro, sis, ditto”, I greeted the two people she came with as they replied accordingly.

“We are from Salvation Believers Church and we came here to invite you to the Easter programme titled EASTER FIESTA coming up next week, the 27th of March, 2020 at Kano National Park, there will be free transportation to and fro for the first 100 people who put their name down willing to go”, she explained expertly.

“That will be hard o, you know the situation in the Northern Nigeria is so bad”…….”we will go, put our names down now before its too late”, Dija quickly cut me off.

“But Dija?”, I tried to make her reason with me but she was adamant as she put down both our details with Aarti who was quite happy with they development.

“But baby, why did you do that?, you know I hate travelling, and Kano is a scary place to be especially in festive periods like this with the men of Sambisa village roaming around looking for who to devour”, I tried to make Dija understand but she remained adamant. Since we started dating about one year ago, she has emasculated me, everything she says is always right and final, what’s most annoying is she never makes mistakes.

“Okay baby”, I reluctantly accepted.

“That’s my sunshine”, she said smiling sheepishly as she ran to hug me. A hug that immediately formatted all the complains I had about her. Maybe she was really a goddess. But I don’t know why I feel so uncomfortable about this trip.

—————————————————-
Ledan narrates

I was watching a movie on Africa Magic when my wife came in.

“My igala love, good evening!”, She greeted to my surprise because that was the first time in 16 years she called me that.

“Yes I.D, good evening, hope no problem because I know you don’t like watching movies”, I said after replying my wife’s greetings.

“Yes, there’s is! today is May 20, 2020”, she replied.
“So?”, I remarked.

“Its exactly one week to the First Bad Day grandma predicted, don’t you think we should tell our son now before its too late, it is better to make hay while the sun shine”, she explained.

“That’s the problem with women, they never listen, I’ve told you times without number to forget what a possessed woman said, let this be the last time I hear of this matter or you will face the broth”, I ordered in a fierce voice throwing Imabong aback.

“Okay, I’ve heard you my husband, but I know my God will fight for me”, she declared and left.

What Imabong didn’t know is I was more scared than her for our son’s life. He was my only pride and Joy. But there’s a popular addict that says “what you don’t know won’t kill you, its what you know that kills you”, I’m sire grandma was possessed when she said those things. That’s why I warned Imabong not to create problems that never existed.

—————————————————————————
Lia narrates

“EASTER FIESTA”, Lia reads out a post.

After reading the details, I decided I’ll attend at least go over there and jolly away the pains of loosing Ele to my besty for the past one year.

“Kano, here I come”, I let out a slight scream.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A graduate of zoology from a Nigerian university
was having difficulty in finding a job. He saw an
advert in one of the daily newspaper for a job at
a zoo. In the interview, the manager told him that
their gorilla which had been tourists’ attraction
had died so they needed someone to dress up and pretend to be like a gorilla. The graduate was
embarrassed, but since the salary was ok, he
accepted the job. The first day, he put on the
gorilla skin and entered the cage, he started
jumping up and down, beating his chest and
roaring like a gorilla. The next day, he put on the gorilla skin and started moving around the zoo
again and mistakenly entered another cage
where he found himself staring at a lion. The lion
roared and rushed towards him. The scared
graduate quickly forgot that he was a gorilla and
started shouting like a human, “Help! Help!” The lion leaped on him, knocked him to the ground
and whispered in his ear, “Victor, it’s me Akpors,
your course mate. Shut up or we’ll both lose our
jobs


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-29 12:14:16

272 Views



Teenage Love. [Read it]


**PART ONE**
CHAPTER 1…….
It was a bright saturday morning
on the 7th of september 2013.
Akinola oluwasegun was walking
along a popular street in Ibadan,
Oyo state. He was dressed in a
white T-shirt and a black pant
trouser and a black vickers shoe.
He was on his way to Loyola
College, a government owned
secondary school around Agodi
gate GRA Ibadan for his WAEC GCE
exam.
He entered into the school
compound and walked towards
the school building. Being his
first paper English Language, he
had no idea of where the
examination hall was situated.
So, he had to ask for help from
other candidates who had come
the previous days for chemistry
practicals and Commerce. He
walked up to a girl seated on the
staircase reading to ask for the
help.
“Hello, good morning.” he
greeted.
“Good morning.” she replied.
“Please, are you here for exam?”
he asked.
“Yeah.” she replied.
“Okay. Please, which way is the
examination hall.” He asked.
“I don’t know. This is my first
time here.” She answered.
(disappointed) “Okay, lets ask
others the way to the exam hall.”
He adviced.
“Okay.” She replied standing up
and dusting her skirt.
*TEN MINUTES LATER*
The invigillator walked into the
exam hall carrying a green sack
with the inscription; WEST
AFRICAN EXAMINATION COUNCIL.
No 62. He was accompanied by
five teachers of the school.
A laptop was removed and with
a thumb printing device attached
to it.
“Line up for your biometrics.”
one of the teachers barked.
After the completion of the
biometrics. The candidates were
asked to sit down according to
their numbers. The answer
booklets and the question
papers were first distributed
before the attendance was
marked. The paper lasted two
and a half hours. The paper
ended by 11:30am and they
were given 3hours break before
the commencement of the paper
2&3(objectives & the Test of
Orals respectively).
Outside the examination hall,
students were seen in group,
some in fours, in fives and so on
discussing and arguing over the
just concluded paper.
Oluwasegun(segun for short)
wast sitting alone under a big
three near the school football
pitch. He was flipping through
the pages of the WAEC English
language past question. Just then
someone tapped him from
behind. He looked up and saw
his cousin Omolayo Akinola.
He stood up and hugged her.
“What are you doing here?” he
asked.
“I came to greet my friends
writing their exam here. She
answered.
“Where is your centre?”
“Ikolaba grammar school.”she
replied.
“Most of my friends are in that
centre.”he said.
“Are you the only one here?” she
asked.
“Yes, am the only one here from
my school.”he answered.
“You must be feeling lonely
o.”she said.
“Yeah”………
The gisted for like ten minutes
before Omolayo stood up to go,
“Let me introduce you to my
friends over there.” she said
pointing to a group of 2 boys
and 4 girls gisting.
He stood up and followed her
towards the group. Immediately
they saw them approach they
stopped talking.
“Where have you been? One of
her friends jummy asked
Omolayo suspiciously.
Ignoring her question. “Meet my
cousin, Segun. Segun meet my
friends.” she introduced.
“Hi guys.” he greeted.
“Hi.” They chorused.
They all hung around till it was
1:30pm, 30minutes before the
next paper.
“Bro, i think we should get going
so, we won’t be late.” Omolayo
said.
“Alright, bye. Segun answered.
Omolayo left with four of her
friends remaining two who were
also in segun’s centre. Among
which was Jummy.
–to be continued–


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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akpos new job [Read it]


Akpos just got a job as a porter in a five star hotel in Abuja.
The manager told him “In here we give every customer personalized services and you have to be very observant so you know how to address their every need even before they ask.”


Before the manager could finish, a couple walked through the hotel entrance and the manager quickly
approached them, nicely took their baggage and said,
“Welcome Mr & Mrs James, it is our delight to have you in our hotel. Please come this way to the reception” and he led them to the reception.


After the couple had been taken care of, Akpos asked the manager, “Has the couple been visiting this hotel before?”
“No” came the reply from the manager.
“So how come you knew their name?” asked Akpos.
“That is why I told you to be very observant. All I had to do was quickly look at the label on their baggage
while I’m taking it from them and see the name on the tag.”


“Oh, here comes another couple. Why don’t you give it a try?”
“Ok” said Akpos and he hurriedly approached the couple, helped them with their luggage and said,
“Welcome Mr & Mrs SUPERIOR HAND MADE LEATHER! We are delighted to have you in our hotel…”


The manager fainted!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-27 19:21:13

512 Views




It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.

-Lucille BallRelated

Male engineers [Read it]


Four Girls entered a BRT
Bus full of Male Engineers.
Since there was no more
place available, they sat on
each of the Boys' laps.
After ten minutes.
1ST GIRL: Are you an
Electronics and
Communication Engineer?
1ST BOY: How did you
know?
1ST GIRL: Your tower is
communicating with my
unreachable area.
2ND GIRL: Are you an IT
Engineer?
2ND BOY: How did you
know?
2ND GIRL: Your Pendrive
is trying to connect with
my USB Drive.
3RD GIRL: Are you a
Mechanical Engineer?
3RD BOY: How did you
know?
3RD GIRL: Your piston is
trying to move into my
cylinder.
4TH GIRL: Are you a Civil
Engineer?
4TH BOY: How did you
know?
4TH GIRL: Your dam has
broken and flooded my
village.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 11:25:57

809 Views




John held the pearl in his hands, he
remembered the words the mermaid told
him to say, Pearl of the river bring Joy
back to life, John said slowly, as he said
so, the pearl began to glow like a bulb,
when he saw this, his hopes were raised,
the Police men and soldiers watched in
anticipation as they saw all that was
going on, he looked at Joy, her cloth
was stained with blood, God please let
this work! John prayed in his mind, he
opened Joy’s mouth which was already
becoming stiff and put the pearl in her
mouth and made sure it went down her
throat, before John could say Luis
Suarez, Joy woke up and coughed, she
vomited something identical to the pearl
in size and shape, but this one was
made of pure gold, John was the
happiest man on earth, he hugged the
still coughing Joy, Joy looked at him in
surprise, she looked at her chest and the
bullet wound was gone, ‘the bullet
wound, it’s gone’ Joy said laughing, she
looked at John’s teary eyes, don’t tell
me I died and came back to life, Joy
asked John, shhh!!, say no more, John
said while putting his hands on her lips,
the both of them kissed passionately as
the police men and soldiers clapped and
cheered, Peter didn’t understand what
just happened or who the girl was, but
he felt happy for his son, he liked what
he just saw.
…………….………………………………….
Kemi sat in her office happily when an
Idea suddenly occurred to her, she could
use the balm on her boss who had been
troubling her for s*x ever since she
started working there, she would just
control him and ask him for a promotion
and a salary of one million per month,
she stood up and made way to her
bosses office, she knocked the door of
her bosses office, a man voice said come
in, Kemi entered the office and shut the
door behind her, her boss was happy to
see her, so Kemi what brings you to my
office? Her boss asked, Kemi didn’t say
a word, she moved to her where her boss
was and sat on his laps, her boss could
not believe it, she had finally agreed to
his advances, he began to handle her
bosoms, Kemi was not concerned about
romance today, if not for the balm that
she wanted to use on him she wouldn’t
even think of having s*x with him, she
stood up and pulled his trousers down,
she pulled down her panties and rode
him on the chair for 5 minutes, she
reached climax point and stood up from
her boss, it was quick and precise, she
didn’t do it for pleasure but for power,
she put her panties back on and went
out of her bosses office, her boss just
sat on the chair looking surprised, he
was not even satisfied, and when he
thought he had had his way with this
woman she had walked out on him half
satisfied.
…………..…………………………………………
Nelson went to the soldiers and thanked
them for coming to their rescue, they
might not have been alive if the soldiers
had not come to their rescue, the drivers
corpse was removed from the front seat
Nelson’s car and placed at the back of
one of the police pickup’s, Nelson took a
towel from the trunk of his car, he
cleaned the blood from the front seat
and dashboard, Peter, John, Joy, T.J and
Promise entered the car, Peter sat in the
front seat with his friend, John sat at
the backseat beside Joy, he put his arms
around her neck and she put her head
on his chest, John was still in shock,
minutes ago he thought he had lost her,
Nelson reversed the windshield less car
and drove after his men who led the
way, Peter had tried to start his car but
the petrol had been drained from it,
maybe Nelson’s men would bring it for
him later, as for him, he would never
step foot in that place again, he might
never even come to Enugu state again.
………….…………………………………….
Chief Dotmann sat the sitting room of
his Lagos apartment sipping on his red
wine, all he could think of was how to
spend his money that would come a few
hours soon, after two hour passed he
went into his room and brought out a
calabash from his wardrobe, he went to
the drawer beside his bed and brought
out the half eaten green and red kola
nut and put it insidebthe calabash, he
covered the calabash and opened it after
a minute, behold! Different bonds of
Pounds were inside the calabash, he
smiled, it worked, but the lady he slept
with would die soon, he heard a knock
on his door, he wasn’t expecting
anybody, he quickly put the calabash
full of money inside his wardrobe and
locked it, he went to the sitting room
and opened the door, he was shocked as
if he had just seen a ghost, it was the
woman who he slept with yesterday,
Kemi spoke up, go and will your
properties to me Kemi Adeboye of 11,
Henderson street, Agege Lagos and after
that go and hang yourself, Dot Mann
stood transfixed like a dummy, yes
mistress, he answered.
Nelson made a call to the palace, he told
them that the culprit had been
apprehended and that they were free to
go where they want to, Chinelo, still
weeping, went with her parents back to
their home, the only thing she had
gained was a new wrapper and some of
the royal beads, she was back to square
one, right
from where she started.
……………………..……………………………
John and Joy sat in the sitting room of
Nelson’s house, playing with each other,
John looked at his father who was now
dressed in a decent cloth, John sensing
what his father was thinking said Dad
this is Joy, my fiancée, Joy’s and Peter’s
eyebrows were raised, Joy was surprised,
they had never talked about getting
engaged, talk less of marriage, and there
he was introducing her as his fiancée, he
didn’t even say girlfriend, Peter was also
surprised, his son had just finished his
youth service, he hasn’t even gotten a
job and he already has a fiancée?! Well,
what could he do about it? John was
already an adult, at his age he was
already engaged with John’s mum, he
wondered why John decided to study law
like his mother, Peter felt bad at the
thought of John’s mum, he knew he had
treated her badly and he wish he knew
where she was so that he could just
apologize to her, he was fed up with
Kemi, she is rude, saucy and to worsen
her case she is a bad cook, John stood
up and pulled Joy with him, he took her
to the balcony of Nelson’s house, he
knelt down in front of Joy and brought
out the golden pearl, Joy parker, will you
marry me? John asked, Joy didn’t know
what to say, the man she loved proposed
to her with a pearl instead of a ring, it
was awkward, when she made up her
mind she said yes John, yes! Kemi was
driving, her daughter Lisa was with her,
she was taking her to LC’s, one of the
best night clubs in Lagos, Kemi looked
at Lisa who was excited, she sighed, if
Peter finds out that Lisa is not his
daughter he would kill her, but she will
kill him first, she looked at her watch, it
was 9pm, Lisa looked at her mum, right
now her mum was the best mum in the
world, none of her friends mum ever take
them clubbing, instead they tell them
not to ever go out at night, suddenly her
mother lost control of the steering and
their car smashed into pole and tumbled,
Lisa struggled to get out of the car after
it came to a stop, the car was upside
down, she pushed the car’s door open
and crawled out to the other side where
her mum was, Mum! Mum! Are you
alright?
Lisa asked but she got no reply, she
managed to pull the door open, lo and
behold, a splinter of glass had cut her
mother’s throat, blood was gushing from
her throat like a tap, noooo! Lisa
shouted, she quickly stood up and ran to
get help, she continued running in
exactly no direction, she saw a group of
men standing and ran towards them,
when she got to their place, it smelled of
cigarette smoke, please help me, my
mother is bleeding to death, the men,
seven in number, who didn’t even
understand what she said were excited
to see such a beautiful girl dressed in
skimpy clothes in their zone at that time
of the night, you no dey fear? one of
then asked, Sniper, JJ carry this girl go
base, their boss said, they didn’t even
say a word, they carried her like a cotton
wool and took her into an uncompleted
building, she tried to scream but they
held her mouth, they entered the
building, pulled off her skimpy cloth and
tied her to a table, Lisa was scared, were
they going To Molest her? She asked
herself, please don’t molest me, she
pleaded, but her pleas fell on deaf ears
as the master of the hoodlums took her
virginity, she felt a pain she had never
experienced as her Molested her, when
he was done, a second person took her,
when he was also done, another man
came, no not another one she said, the
hard looking man gave her a back hand
slap across her cheek, you dey craze, he
said, na me you dey call ‘another one’? I
be your papa mate? He asked with
authority, he entered her and Molested
her mercilessly, the last thing Lisa saw
before she fainted was another man
trying to get between her legs.
……………………………………………………..
Nelson was in his office in the morning,
Peter,John and Joy were on their way to
Lagos in the police van, he took the
news paper on his table and read it, he
was shocked when he saw one of the
headlines, one man identified as Doherty
Anthony Lemeta was found hanged in
his residence in Lagos, Nelson sighed,
Chief Dotmann had committed suicide,
well it made his Job easier, no need for
them chasing a dead man, the lady who
was responsible for the King’s death
would be charged to court immediately,
he sipped his coffee, he was having his
best morning of the year, he had caught
the kidnappers who were threatening his
job, his friend and his son were safe and
on his way to Lagos, what else could he
ask for?
……………………….………………………..
The police van carrying Peter, John and
Joy came to stop in front of a big
mansion where Joy resides, Joy had
called her lawyer to meet her in the
house, she had to sign the papers to
inherit her parents property, her lawyer
sat in front of the house wearing a white
shirt and black skirt, John down from
the back of the van and walked with Joy
into her compound, now he knew where
she lived, he saw a woman waiting in
front of Joy’s mansion, they reached
where the woman was, meet my lawyer
Mrs Adebayo, Joy said, John looked at
the woman, he had seen her before in
the photo’s at home, Mum?! John said,
she recognized him even though it had
been 22 years, John?! The woman said,
John went to hug his mother, he had
hoped to see her, Joy immediately got
the memo, her lawyer was John’s Mum,
John had told her about his mother,
Peter got down from the car to see what
was going on, he saw his wife Mary, his
heart sank and he was ashamed, he
slowly walked towards where Mary was
with his head hung in shame, he looked
at Mary and started to talk Mary said
shh! And she went to hug her husband.
…………….………………………………….
Peter and John reached home, as they
entered their home phone rang Peter
went to pick it, the expression on his
face was sad when he dropped the
phone, he told John that Kemi had died
in a car accident the previous night,
John felt sorry for her even though she
was always mean to him, the phone rang
again, Peter picked it up and showed a
sad worried face again he dropped the
phone, Lisa was found beside the road
yesterday, she is in the hospital now,
Peter said, Peter took the car keys to his
Toyota Corolla and went outside, he
entered the car and John joined him,
they drove to the hospital, on getting to
the hospital the doctor told Peter that
Lisa had lost a lot of blood and needed
blood, Peter offered to donate blood as
he and Kemi were in the same blood
group so Lisa should also be, the doctor
suggested they do a test before anything
else, when the results came out Lisa’s
blood group was different from Peter’s,
he wondered how that was possible,
John immediately interfered, he offered
to donate blood as he belonged to blood
group ‘O’ , which he definitely inherited
from his mother, they tested him and he
was in O group, they collected blood
from him and transferred it to Lisa, Peter
was still surprised, how was it possible?
He asked the doctor to do a DNA test on
Lisa, the test was carried out and they
discovered that his DNA and Lisa’s did
not match, Peter felt betrayed, he didn’t
even feel pity for Kemi again, she had
done a really bad thing.
………………………….……………………
Few days later John went to Joy’s
house, he knelt in front of her and said
‘for the second time, Joy parker, would
you marry me?’ he brought out a gold
ring from his pocket, for the second
time, yes! Joy answered, they kissed
each other as John inserted the ring
which was molded from the gold pearl
into Joy’s finger, he carried her into a
bedroom in her mansion, he kissed her
on the neck, and he entered her and they
made love for an hour, they had finally
made love after all these while of
wanting themselves, it was the first of
many to come.
………………………………………………….
John went home and saw his mother
seated in the sitting room, he greeted
her, so you are coming back to us? He
asked, yes, she said, John went into
Lisa’s room, she was asleep, her father
had decided to still take her as his
daughter, she had nowhere to go, he
closed the door and went to meet his
father in the balcony, Nelson told me
you had quite an adventure in Enugu,
can you gist me? Peter asked, you wont
believe if I told you John answered, John
brought out his phone to browse and
check where he posted to study law in a
law school, not again, he said when he
saw where he was posted to, he was
posted to Enugu…

*** The End ***



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos (the house boy) was having an affair with his boss wife.
Suddenly the man came back.
As they heard the man’s footstep, The woman hid Akpos under the bed.
“Honey you are welcome.” Says the woman.
The man hugged her and said “You look stressed up. I hope all is well”
“Yes”
“Akpooos!!!!” shouted the man
Akpos heart started beating with the speed of light.
“Why are you calling him?” asked the wife
“I bought a surprise gift for you and I need him to go and pick it from the car” ans the man.
“Wo! What could that be?” inquired the wife.
“I bought 2 pairs of shoe for you and a phone for Akpos”
The woman wasn’t happy with that and she said “Honey why wasting money to buy phone for Akpos knowing fully well that he can’t operate phone”
“Ok! If that’s the case, I will return the phone”
Akpos who was hearing them under the bed shouted “Oga! No mind her. I go learn”

Guess what happened to Akpos


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-11 17:41:10

45157 Views




‘Teacher Barbie’ was recalled in 1995 by Mattel because her lack of panties caused media controversy.Related

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home.

As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, “Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?”

“Yes,” the golfer responded.

“Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?”

“Yes, I did. How did you know?” he asked.

“Well,” said the policeman very seriously, “Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver’s windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn’t make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?”

The golfer thought it over carefully and responded, “I think I’ll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb.”Related

dogs [Read it]


there are three thing you can not do,
(1) you can not count your hair.
(2)you can not use your tongue to touch your elbow.
(3)you can not put out your tongue and be breathing for 30 seconds.
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
put in your tongue now, why are you doing like dog?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-13 03:02:21

537 Views



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