Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Go to nearby Bank. Greet Everyone. Plug
phone to charge. Plug Power Bank and
rechargeable fan. Drink water from Dispenser, sit down,
enjoy AC, watch Buhari on CNN. Withdraw N1000... Thank the bank staff and return home. The next day, go and join the queue to
pay back the N1000 into account.#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-08 22:21:12

982 Views



Safe cracker [Read it]


The local bank near a large prison had a problem opening their safe one day. Seems that the mechanisms working the combination failed, so they called the prison to seek help.
The prison had a convicted safe cracker in custody. They released him under guard and took him to the bank to see if he could open their safe.
The convict worked on the lock for quite a while but finally he was able to open the safe.
The bank president was delighted to see his safe opened without having to have it ruined in the process, he turned to the safe cracker and said, “Thanks for helping us out here, how much do we owe you?”
The safe cracker replied, “Well the last time I did one of these jobs I got about $100,000!”Related

A man killed himself and ran away. police is searching for him everywhere now. If u know his way about report to the nearest police station and grab 100k



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-26 14:51:21

326 Views




Taraste The Jo Humse Milne Ko Kabhi;

Na Jaane Kyon Aaj Humare Saye Se Bhi Katrate Hain;

HUm bhi Wahi Hain Yeh Dil Bhi Wahi Hai;

Na Jaane Phir Kyon Aise Log Badal Jaate Hain!Related

My next stop after visiting with Reece was the restaurant and quit my job. I told David that I was quitting and I told him why. He was very understanding and sympathetic about everything. Jax caught me on the way out. I told him my diagnosis and he'd hugged me and told me everything would be okay. Everyone kept saying that to me but no one could know with any certainty what would happen. Was it simply wishful thinking on their part?

I was at home with Grey when Aiden came by. I'd called him earlier to invite him over after he was finished his classes for the day. My meet up with Reece had been emotional and I wasn't looking forward to breaking the news to Aiden.

Aiden smiled at me when I opened the door and he hugged me. I felt the touch of a hand on my back and pulled away to see Grey standing just behind me. His attention was on Aiden who looked a little surprised to see him.

Grey nodded to him and wrapped an arm around my waist. It was like he was staking his claim on me. I couldn't believe he needed to do that when he knew how I felt about him. Besides he knew there was nothing going on between Aiden and I. He was just a good friend, nothing more.

I pulled away from Grey.

"I need to talk to him alone," I told Grey. He didn't look happy with my request but after a few moments he gave Aiden a look before he kissed me on the lips.

"I'll be in the kitchen," he told me then he left me alone with my friend who was looking a little confused.

"I'm surprised he didn't pee on you," Aiden remarked as I led the way into the living room. I stifled a laugh because there was no doubt that Grey was trying to send a clear message to him that I was his.

"How did you guys finally get together?" he asked. I sat down on the sofa and sat down beside him.

First I would have to tell him about my tumor before I could tell him how that had finally pushed Grey to reveal how he really felt about me.

"Remember I went to see your doctor," I reminded him, clasping my hands together. I hated having to tell anyone about my illness but he deserved to know. He frowned as he nodded his head.

"He referred me to a specialist," I added. Aiden gave me a confused look.

"I thought it was just a check up," he said. "Why did he refer you to a specialist?"

I let out a deep breath. It was time for the truth.

"I lied to you," I began to explain. "The migraines were getting worse and I'd started to experience other symptoms that I needed to get checked out."

"Why didn't you just go to your own doctor?" he asked. I still wasn't making a lot of sense.

"I didn't want to worry anyone until I knew there was something to be concerned about."

"Did you go and see the specialist?" he asked. His confusion was replaced by concern.

"Yes," I answered. "He ran some tests and he found what has been causing my headaches and the other side affects."

I paused for a moment.

"He found a brain tumor," I revealed and he looked shocked.

"A brain tumor," he repeated not sure if he'd heard me correctly. I nodded.

He stood up and began to pace up and down. He ran a hand through his hair. I sat and watched him process my news. Then he stopped and looked to me.

"How serious is it?" he asked looking at me anxiously.

"It's pretty serious," I revealed. He sat down beside me. He looked like I'd pulled the rug from underneath his feet.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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He looked at me curiously and nodded. I slid the phone into one of my back pockets where i was sitting. I couldn't explain how, but i knew what Diane was about doing.
.
"Why did you have to tell me who you are?" I asked after a few seconds.
"See, i didn't want you to find out about my true identity of your own volition. I had figured that one way or the other, either now or later, you would begin to take some steps in that regard, that was why i chose to tell you myself. Now, that you know, i have nothing to worry about. You, my friend, will do the worrying. One wrong move and i will show you what i am capable of doing. You can ask my brother. Or my two fiancée or Ken". He had actually smiled at the last three statements.
.
I had stared at him. Tango was the devil himself.
"So, you actually killed all those people?" I tried sounding very grave with my question.
He grinned evilly as he answered.
"Yeah. I had to do what i had to do. In my shoes, Mr. TD, you would have done the same thing, too". He rose up, the grin still on his face.
"One more thing Mr. TD, i must pay you for writing the story and all the inconveniences that went with it".
.
The driver took the cue and came to drop the bulky envelope beside me on the sofa and returned to the window.
.
"Inside that is your payment - that is more than enough to compensate all inconveniences. Also, the manuscript you wrote and my foreword".
.
"There's a litte fact you are overlooking, Mr. Tango". I said. I was trying to gain time to think of how i could get the information Diane requested for. I even peered into the envelope. The money was in one-thousands. My mind was racing faster than a Formula 1 race car. I knew she could hear me. I guess all she said to me on the call made me know or maybe there was a connection i couldn't explain between us two.
"The story would be on the internet. Anybody could come across it. Somebody that knew Chad could smell something fishy and put two and two together and just might figure out who you are".
.
"Leave that to me. I have all such possibilities covered. All i need is the cover the story would provide me". He was now sounding cocky.
.
I stood up and tried stretching. I was trying to see if i could see anything through the curtained window opposite me where the driver stood. The drapery was heavy but i thought i saw something. I wasn't sure.
.
"Mr. TD you should be on your way now." No. I thought. Where is this place? I wondered.
I picked the envelope as i thought of what to do in the few seconds i had left.
.
"Wow! This is so much money here. And that is a lovely mosque minaret there!" I yelled in feigned excitement as though the money was the cause. I was staring at the window as though i saw something.
.
"What mosque minaret? There's no mosque within miles of here." Tango said, instinctively, the driver at the window parted the curtains, though slightly. That was all i needed. I was extremely lucky. I knew where we were.
"Oh. That is just a spire, actually. Reminds me of those Church of Latter Day Saints building." I said that quite loud and i hopped Diane heard.
.
"Idiot! Close the blinds!"
Tango was just ending his yell at his driver when i dropped the envelope spilling all its contents all over the tiled floor.
.
#TO BE CONTINUED...#


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A teacher asks the class to name things that end with ‘tor’ that eat things.


The first little boy says, “Alligator.”


“Very good, that’s a big word.”


The second boy says, “Predator.”


“Yes, that’s another big word. Well done.”


Little Johnny says, “Vibrator, Miss.”


After nearly falling off her chair, she says, “That is a big word, but it doesn’t eat anything.”


“Well my sister has one and she says it eats f*cking batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”Related

When you get this message, send it to:

One person you love;

One you always hated;

One you always think of;

And the one you wish to kill.

Now, keep guessing why I sent it to you!Related

Ek 16 Saal Ki Ladki Apni Dadi Se Baatein Kar Rahi Thi.

Ladki: “Dadi Ji, Aapke Zamane Mein 10-10 Bacche Kyu Hote The?”

Dadi: “Arrey Beti, Hamare Zamane Mein Bijli Nahi Hoti Thi Isliye, Raat Ko Kon Aaya Aur Kon Gaya Pata Hi Nahi Chalta Tha.”

Samajh Mein Aaya To Like To Banta Hai. ????Related

What am i [Read it]


I am a fruit. If you remove my first letter I'm a crime, if you take away my first two letters I'm an animal and if you take away my first and last letter I'm a form of music. Please people what am I



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-04-16 00:46:18

783 Views




Patience will come to those who wait for it.Related

I’ve changed? No, I just grew up. I stopped letting people push me around, I learned that I can’t always be happy, I accepted reality.Related

Abortion Bill [Read it]


A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-13 13:48:34

83 Views




Nobody can be successful unless he loves his work.

~ David SarnoffRelated

WRITE UP BY NELLY: THE MIND
Please do not share without talking to me or her personally and asking for permission, thank you for reading this write up brought to you by Nelly aka Nnenna…
Ain’t the thought of the mind gotten into your head
Haven’t you noticed something about your mind
Isn’t it funny that since the day we were born thoughts keep running through our minds, funny thoughts, unbelievable thoughts, silly thoughts, painful thoughts and hurtful thoughts.
Those without a mind would Never have the chance to see beyond reality.
They wouldn’t even have or know the meaning of imagination.
Imaginations are beautiful thoughts that has wings to fly round our minds, It’s so beautiful, thanks to our mind for giving imagination a chance.
Our minds could also be the dark side of our shadows, like I said unfortunately the mind has given an opportunity to evil thoughts.
How on earth do evil thoughts get into our minds
“JEALOUSY” is a feeling towards someone, it has the power to control us, it leads us to think evil against people.
“Hurtful” thoughts are also in our minds, it’s caused by our past and fear, fear is a very strong effect to us humans Which also leads to “SCARY” thoughts, scary thoughts makes us imagine the unbelievable things and also bloody things.
We have “funny” thoughts; this is brought to existence when we are happy, its one of the sweet imaginations in our mind.
Then we have the “silly”thoughts; silly thoughts fly in our minds too, It’s like thinking of things that would make people laugh at you if you ever tell them; like thinking Chris brown would travel from America to Nigeria just to seek your hand in marriage.
I hope I have made us believe that we all have minds and we are also in control of it.
Just watch your steps, always be happy don’t ever make the mistake of having a sad past so that only happy, silly and funny thoughts could fly around your mind.
But no one is perfect so its a mixture for sure!!.
MY NAME NNENNA AKA NELLY AND I WROTE THIS WRITE UP. LEARN FROM WHAT YOU READ NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND. THANKS FOR READING……..THIS IS PRESENTED TO YOU BY NNANNA NNENNA A.K.A NOINOI JUST CALL ME NELLY…..WRITE UP BY NNENNA AKA NELLY….FACEBOOK USERNAME:NELLY NALLY.WHATSAPP NO;+22961804913







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The most important quality of successful people is their willingness to change.

Good Night!Related

Rose: where is Desmond?
Alfred: welcome ma
Jackson: how are you?
Tunde: we are fine sir
Brown: sir;this is ma Monalisa;Stephanie's mother
Rose: i thought she is an orphan;how come she has a mother?
Jackson: will you stop
Monalisa: yes;i am her elder sister and i am the one who take care of her and she grow up knowing that i am her mother?

Jackson: alright;you are welcome
Monalisa: so what is going on Anita?
Anita: MA Monalisa;Stephanie is missing
Rose: Jack;so you mean Desmond and that worthless girl eloped?
Monalisa: wash your mouth before i pour all my anger on you
Rose: what is wrong with this low life?
Monalisa: you are the low life,you are so mannerless
Rose: now;i see where she got her bad manners from
Monalisa: don't pushed me
Jackson: will you;just keep quiet and lets look for the way forward. now that we are here
Rose: there is nothing to talk about;if those two have decided live their shameless life together;so be it
Monalisa: if your son is capable of anything stupid;my daughter is not;she is a decent girl. she has a good home training
Georgina: will you keep quiet woman. my betroth is not as stupid as your daughter;i know it is your daughter that had made him run away with her

Monalisa: so you are the stupid girl that is making my daughter life miserable;i never knew that my daughter have to mingle with foolish people after i told her to stay away from that boy. if anything happen to my daughter,i will make sure you all go in for it
Jackson: woman is alright;lets look for way to solve this misery
Monalisa: i am sorry;so what do we do?
Rose: i am out of here
Monalisa: woman;is he not your son?
Rose: he is my son
Monalisa: but how come;you feel nothing for him?you don't think about the pains he is going through?even if he had eloped with my daughter;you should still feel for him,how will he care for himself?how are things with him?i doubt if you are his mother
Rose: i am his mother. who gave you the right to judge me?

Monalisa: i am not judging you;i was just thinking the kid of a mother;you are to your son. excuse me;if you don't care about your son;i do care for my daughter and i am going to do everything to get her back

Jackson: lets go home

Sarah: my daughter;i heard what happen. how did it happen?
Rose: (she cried and hugged her)mom;i don't know if i can take it any more
Sarah: don't worry;anything will not happen to him
Rose: i have not been a good mother;i treated him so bad;i disperse my own son;i am a bad person. that is why all this things are happening to me
Sarah: its never your fault

Rose: is obvious;that is why Stephanie's mother told me that i am not Desmond's mother. i am such a monster that turn her back on her own
Sarah: is alright;lets go to the police
Rose: Jack;as already done that

Sarah: how did it go?
Jackson: no news yet;how is dad?
Sarah: he will soon be here(enter Kenneth)oh here!he comes
Kenneth: any news;of my grand son
Desmond: none sir
Sarah: don't you think;they were kidnapped
Kenneth: are they two
Jackson: yes sir
Kenneth: who is the second person?
Sarah: is Stephanie;the girl we were talking about in our last dinner
Kenneth: Rose;your son is a worthless boy;how could he bring shame to my family?how will the society look at me?that my grandson eloped with a girl

Sarah: Ken;is that what you are saying?your grandson is missing and all you could think about is your name?
Kenneth: i couldn't careless if that stupid boy;don't show is face again
Rose: no dad;he is my son,i don't want anything bad to happen to him
Kenneth: then suit yourself
Sarah: Ken;is alright
Rose: mother

Sarah: is alright;my daughter
Jackson: come on;i will look for my son;even if i have to give up my life for my son
Rose: no;no one have to lost their life. i need all of you;you two
Sarah: is alright

Alfred: life is sometime worthless
Brown: why would you say so
Alfred: with what have being going on;in this house,i don't think life is worth living
Ayo: all our problem never seems to end
Alfred: back then;we have no problem,our life used to be so simple but yet no pains but now it is so complicated
Brown: that is the truth;when i was first told that i will be taking care of five boys;i was scared that i may not be able to do it but then when i got to know you all,i realise that you kids are the type of kids that every woman will be proud to be mother to but lately we now have our hand full of trouble;first it was you all getting drunk and Desmond have to get involved in all this pains
Tunde: all those happen since Stephanie came into our life
Alfred: will you just keep quiet
Tunde: i kept telling you all the truth but you never believe me
Ayo: what truth?she came into our life for a short period of time but we all have a share of our love and care

Brown: she is kind hearted and selfless
Alfred: she was a real friend
Tunde: yes;she did all of that;just to take all Desmond's happiness
Alfred: Desmond was never a happy boy;all his life;was he doing what other people want from him because he want to see them happy. he doesn't really care for himself. he became truly happy when Stephanie came into the picture. even though;he used to put up a happy face for everyone. is just too bad that all those;he want to see happy,don't even care about him. not one;if his mother doesn't care about him,why should i judge you,when you are just his cousin?excuse me
Tunde: what do i do wrong?

Ayo: your hatred for your brother started when you decided to fall for same girl that is your brother friend. if i were you i will retrace my step

Tunde: am i a bad person?
Brown: you are not;you just have to let go of your anger and see the situation from a different stand point

Uche: any news from Desmond?
Georgina: no
Uche: you sure;it is not those boys that kidnapped them
Georgina: lower your voice
Uche: sorry;did you not asked them to kidnapped Stephanie?
Georgina: yes;i did
Uche: and they happen to kidnapped both of them?don't you tell them to release Desmond?
Georgina: you think is that easy?
Uche: why not?are you not the one providing the money and you should be the one calling the shot?
Georgina: are you dumb
Uche: i am not
Georgina: is not my boys that kidnapped them
Uche: if they are not?them who did?
Georgina: that is one puzzle;i can't solve;that was why i am thinking they both eloped but i don't want to believe it (she cry)because i can't take it if Desmond end up with her
Uche: is alright(she hugged her)it is well

Nancy: what were you saying on the phone?
Monalisa: that Stephanie is missing for a week now
Peace: what did you mean,she is missing?
Monalisa: how would you know;when you don't bothered calling her?
Peace: can you stop this argument and tell us what is going on?
Monalisa: yes;she has been kidnapped with Desmond(Nancy laughed)what is funny?
Nancy: you are funny. she is kidnapped with that same brother that she is defending or they both eloped

Monalisa: no;that is never going to happen
Peace: alright;fine lets agree with you that she as been kidnapped. what are the kidnappers asking for?
Monalisa: they haven't call
Nancy: you see;just forget about that worthless girl and face the welfare of your husband and son
Monalisa: she is also my daughter;my family will never be complete without my daughter
Peace: stay there and die in your allusion that;that girl is your daughter. Nancy lets go(exit both)

Monalisa: go on;i will never give up on my daughter
Kidnapper 1: why did it take you more than a week before showing your face?


SEE MORE.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Question 1. Who is a
gynecologist?
Answer: He is the only fool
on earth who looks for
problems in a place where
others find pleasure.
Question 2: What is the
difference between a
cricketer and a condom?
Answer: The cricketer drops
the catch, and the condom
catches the drop.
Question 3: What is the
difference between riding a
bicycle and riding a woman?
Answer: To ride a bicycle,
you position your ass and
then move your legs. To ride
a woman you position your
legs and then move your
ass.
Question 4: What three
things are common between
the sun and a woman's
underwear?
Answer: Both are hot, both
look better while going down
and both disappear at night.
Question 5: Why do men ask
for a woman's hand in
marriage?
Answer: Because they are
tired of using their own.
Question 6: What is common
between men and video?
Answer: Both go backward,
forward, backward, forward,
stop and eject.
Question 7: What is the
closest thing similar to a
woman's period?
Answer: Your salary, it
comes once a month and last
about 5 - 7 days and if it
doesn't come it means you
are finished!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-11 05:22:10

206 Views




Beyond Economical issues,
environmental challenges, say all is well
in world, there is world peace who do
you think you truly are?
Reflect on that.……
That’s how you find yourself, stop
letting the world and its worries
influence your behavior or identity.
It’s important to know who you are and
key in on that. Let who you are
influence your environment and
economical challenges.
A lot of people don’t know who they
truly are, most people are who the
society or environmental or “life”has
shaped them to be. They have no
identity on their own notion or Will.
Think about it, say you have it all, who
are you truly



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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ONE WRONG TURN
Episode 7

I spent my Saturday in isolation, i
barely came out of my room or
talked to anybody. The only
person who bordered to find out
how i was doing was Ighalo. My
mum only came to remind me to
eat.
Sunday came along with a lot of
promise for me. The thought of
seeing Ehis again put a smile on
my face. I felt that usual flutter
inside me again. I kept wondering
how i would see him without my
parents finding out.
I got up slowly from my bed, and
walked lazily to the sitting room.
My family had already started
morning devotion. I found some
space beside Ighalo, and knelt
down in front of the statue of
virgin Mary.
All through the prayer, i merely
mumbled some incoherent words.
My mind and heart were far
removed from the prayer. All i
could think about was meeting
Ehis again.
The devotion ended. I got up
quickly, hoping to dash out of
sight before anyone noticed my
presence.
“Ella come back here, we are not
finished with you” my father’s
voice halted me in my strides.
I turned around with a frown on
my face, and hands folded across
my chest. My parents had already
taken up seats side by side.
“sit down,” my mum ordered.
” I’m ok like this” i replied,
looking upwards with disgust. I
have never replied my parents like
this before. I guess times have
changed.
My father cleared his throat and
continued.
“You have now decided to bring
shame upon me. To the extent
that you now sleep with small
boys in the house of God…..”
“daddy i did not…….”
“shut up!” My dad shouted,
getting up from his seat,
” if you interrupt me again i ll
break your head” he thundered.
As menacing as he sounded, i was
largely unflustered. The anger that
had built up in my heart far
exceeded the fear I had for my
father.
“hence forth”, he continued, in a
harsh and authoritative tone. ”
you will not go to that practice
again. Infact go and tell them you
are no longer an alter girl”
“Apart from church and school, do
not leave this house to any place.
If I see you with that useless boy,
or any boy for that matter, i ll kill
both you with my bare hands………
silly child”
” okay, is that all?” I asked, in a
mocking tone.
“My friend get out of here” my
mum replied, obviously irritated
by my demeanor.
I turned around, and walked lazily
towards my bathroom. I wasn’t
ready to do any house chores.
Whoever wanted me to work, will
have to kill me first, i resolved in
my heart. Thankfully, nobody
disturbed me.
I returned from the bathroom,
with a towel tied around my body,
covering from my chest to the
ridge above my knees. Revealing
my long shapely legs.
I stood in front of my mirror,
admiring all the contours of my
body. For once i appreciated how
pretty i was. I turned round and
looked at my butt. A little shy
smile flashed across my face, as i
remembered the feeling i got
when Ehis squeezed it.
I opened my drawer, and brought
out all my make up accessories,
which in total included a comb,
face powder and body cream. My
mum wouldn’t allow anything
else. I applied everything
meticulously, making sure it was
all perfect.
I looked through my wardrobe,
searching for my favourite gown.
It was a blue dinner gown, tailor
made to my body. It brought out
my exact shape, and had a way of
making my bossoms look big.
I stared at the mirror, turning
from side to side, making sure I
looked perfect. I wanted Ehis to
admire me today, if i get the
chance to meet him.
It was all perfect, as i stepped
outside to meet my parents in the
car outside. My mum had her eyes
fixed on me, as i took every step
towards the car. I could guess
exactly what was going on in her
mind. We zoomed off. Today, i ll
find a way to out smart my
parents. I had an ally.


>>

Room 436 [Read it]


A man in a hotel lobby turns to go to the front desk, but he
accidentally runs into a woman beside him and his elbow bumps into her
breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says,
"Ma'am, if your heart is soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-06 08:02:44

807 Views




Why can't you tell your
girlfriend you're broke instead
of forming? If an entire nation
like Nigeria can be broke ,my
brother who are you?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-03-17 22:24:22

409 Views



two head [Read it]


They said two heads are better than one:
Now tell me if I give you 1000naira note that have the head of two people and 100 dollar that have the head of only one person tell me which one will you take from me?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-06 16:08:55

401 Views



So i sha wolk. [Read it]


I want for a might prayer at one church..........so in the midst of the prayer session a member touched my shoulder and said "you will walk. . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . .. ..... I didn't understand because i have no disability on me. . . ............ When i got out of the church my transport money had been stolen. So i shar wwwwwwwalk.... I crrrrrrrrryyyyyy


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-12 15:46:56

514 Views




Life is like Cricket.

Don’t lose your wicket;

Try to score a century;

Never forget your boundary;

And if you get out, never get put off because God is the 3rd umpire!

Good day!Related

The Hotel bubbled as music blasted from
highly powered surround speakers. Half Unclad
girls paraded the dimly lit bar, looking for
clients to patronize their willing bodies. It was
the perfect way to spend a Friday night, away
from all the hiding and looking behind his
shoulders. Ahmed smiled as he blended with
the already teeming crowd in the bar. He
walked to the barman and requested for his
favorite beer. While he waited, he turned and
watched as the girls on the iron poles did
their thing, grinding their bodies against the
cold metal and pulling acrobatic stunts to the
sheer amazement of lewd customers. So this
was what his Uncle wanted him to miss? He
hissed and shook his head mockingly.
Collecting his beer after generously tipping the
bar man, he walked to an empty seat in the
far corner of the bar. It was going to be an
evening to remember
Sadly for him, it was going to be his last
evening alive.
“Target green. Visible from this point.
Awaiting orders.” The barman texted Ope, who
was now inside the hotel, begging the
receptionist for a room to spend the night.
“Copy that. Keep target in focus. Wait for my
orders.” Ope texted back.
The barman got the text and immediately
deleted it off his phone.
“Na wa for una o. Just ordinary room una no
fit give person. Shey I tell you say I no go pay
ni?” Ope queried the receptionist.
“No sir, we are fully booked. I am so sorry but
there is nothing I can do.” She replied.
“Shey I sha fit go the bar go take one or two
bottles?” Ope asked.
“Of course sir. Right that way.” The
receptionist said, pointing to the direction of
the bar.
Ope winked at her and she blushed. He made
a mental note to check on her when he was
done with the current mission.
“I am moving in sir. I would like to confirm the
code of this operation sir. Take out or delivery
sir?” Ope said, pressing his left hand into his
left ear.
“I have changed my mind. Deliver him to me
at the Mansion. It has to be a clean job. I will
do the rest.” The General replied.
“Copied.” Ope replied and took out the tiny
white transmitter in his left ear. He crushed
the device witb his boots and entered the bar.
***********************************************
Sophia looked at the General as a smile
beamed across his face. He had never seen
him smile since she was 15. Even when he
promoted her to a lieutenant in his
Corporation, he had a grim look on his face.
“That’s a look one doesn’t get to see every
day sir. What is the secret?” Sophia asked
dropping a glass of cold water on the table by
which he sat.
“Let’s just say, I am going to have my pound
of flesh.” The General replied.
“I thought you said you do not do
desperation. If you kill the boy, is that not
exactly what it is? A desperate act at
revenge?” Sophia questioned.
“I lied.” The General replied and continued.
“Cheers sweetheart.” He finished pushing his
cup of water at her.
She just smiled and blew him a kiss.
She was beginning to get worried about this
man.
*************************************************
Eva yawned and stretched as the rays of the
early morning sun peeped through the slightly
opened curtains. She was completely nak3d as
the duvet fell off her body as she sat up. She
remembered what happened the night before.
She felt good. Just then a shirtless Sean
walked in with a tray which had a warm cup of
coffee and sandwiches.
“Rise and Shine sweetheart.” He said dropping
the tray beside her and kissing her softly on
the forehead.
“Did we?” Eva asked surprised, a look of lust
in her eyes.
“What do you think?” Sean replied and then
continued
“Come on, gobble up. You need your strength.
I will be back. I need to use the gym.” Sean
finished.
Eva watched as Sean went of the bedroom.
She could not stop staring at his perfectly
curved body and his suave. She felt herself
tingle below and she chuckled.
******************************************
“Hey bro, is this seat taken?” Ope said to
Ahmed who was on his third bottle of beer.
“No it’s not. You can have it.” Ahmed replied.
They shook hands. As they pumped and
snapped, Ope lodged a tiny tracker in Ahmed’s
hand. They talked about the country, the
improvement, and the failures. They got round
to the subject of women and how filled the bar
was.
“So what if your wife call you now, wetin you
go do?” Ope asked Ahmed, opening his second
bottle of beer.
“I no get wife o. That is why I come here. All
these girls just dey enter my eyes and I no
know which one I go fit choose sef.” Ahmed
replied.
His eyes darted to and fro the large room,
falling on different pretty girls. He did not
have enough cash to spend.
“You like that yellow one there? Wey get big
yansh and bosoms?” Ope asked
“Ah, na dat one dey my mind since! Brother, u
get eye o.” Ahmed replied smacking his lips.
Ope signaled to the girl and she came over to
their table. She was among one of the hookers
already bought by Ope. She sat on Ahmed’s
laps and began to touch him in places that
drove him crazy. He was on his sixth bottle of
beer and was already drunk. His eyes were
blurred and his utterances were slurred. With
the girl on his left and Ope on his right, he
was guided out of the bar.
The Colonel was worried. Ahmed had not
called or texted. He was supposed to check in
every half hour. But three hours had gone by
and he hadn’t heard from him. He decided to
go see for himself. As the Colonel got off the
stairs, he looked left and saw Ahmed been
taken out of the premises. He was shocked.
His gun was not on him. He ran and
screamed. By the time he got to the gate, they
had zoomed off in a waiting car. The Colonel
was furious. He held the gateman by the collar
and threatened to kill him. He wanted to know
where they were taking his nephew to. He was
choking the gateman now, stifling him to
death. Four heavily built bouncers in black
fitting tops and tight pants suddenly appeared
from nowhere. The Colonel eyed them one
after the other. He could take all of them out
conveniently without breaking a sweat.
However, he decided the drama would not be
necessary. He apologized, left the gateman
and went back to his room. He had only one
thing on his mind. Getting Ahmed back.
***************************************
He woke as a bucket of water was splashed on
his face. He tried to adapt his eyes to the
darkness of the dimly lit room. He could see
figures of two men but his vision was blurred.
Gradually he could see the two men. He
recognized one as his friend from the bar the
night before. He didn’t know who the other
man was. He tried to get up from the bed he
was in but discovered that his legs and hands
were tied to the small bed in the middle of the
room. He still had a little hangover but the
current fear he felt had sent a cold shiver
down his spine.
“What…wha.. what.. am…i..doing…here. Wh…
who…who…are…you…people?” Ahmed
stammered as the other man approached him.
“Shhhhhhh. Quiet. The General hates noise.”
The man said.
He gave Ahmed a hard slap to the right side
of his face. Ahmed yelped in pain.
“Did that hurt?” The man asked.
Ahmed kept quiet, his head turned away from
the man. He was sobbing quietly. He was
afraid. He didn’t plan to die like this.
The man bent low and turned Ahmed’s face
back towards him. He squeezed Ahmed’s
cheeks with his thumb and forefinger.
“I said, did that hurt?” He said to Ahmed
menacingly.
Ahmed nodded slowly.
“Good boy. Because what you just experienced
is nothing compared to what is going to
happen to you pretty soon.” He finished and
backed away from Ahmed, heading for the
door and going out.
Ope came to Ahmed and patted his hair
gently.
“I am sorry bro, but I don’t call the shots. See
you in hell.” Ope said and left him.
Ope knocked twice on another door within the
same room and stepped out, locking the door
behind him.
After what seemed like an eternity, the door
that Ope knocked opened and Ahmed almost
poo his pants.
The General strode out of the room gallantly.
He smiled as he approached Ahmed.
“How are you boy?” The General asked looking
down at the scared man tied on the bed.
“Pppp…le…aa…seeee. Ppppleeeaaasssee.”
Ahmed begged.
“I am sorry but that word does not exist in my
dictionary. I need to send your Uncle a
souvenir.” The General said and continued,
“Then I am going to take off every toe, every
finger, pluck out your eyes, your tongue and
dismember you gradually till you die. Now
which toe do I send to your Uncle?” The
General threatened, bringing out a huge sharp
plier.
“I think I will just take the two big toes. Don’t
worry boy, I am quite skilled at this.” The
General finished.
Ahmed wet his pants. The General did not let
that affect him. He cut off Ahmed’s big toes in
swift snaps of the plier. Blood poured from the
wounds. Ahmed shrieked in pain. The
General’s black shirt was stained with blood.
He kept the cut toes on the floor.
“Now, to the main course.” The General said,
snapping the plier in the air.
Ahmed’s cries and shrieks pierced the air and
went through the hallways. No one would hear
him. No
one would help him. The General left him
barely alive and exited the room with his
exhibits. He planned to send them to The
Colonel later. Ahmed was breathing very
slowly. His heart gradually gave way. He died
a slow and painful death.
To Be Continued. Drop your comments and don't forget to click on like????????????:-)


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Pls kindly judge this matter.....I was in a
taxi,chatting with my friend on whatsapp and
suddenly discovered that the man sitting beside me
was reading my conversation. Since I did not want
to embarrass the man, so l decided to change the
topic "Abeg oga, please tell Kabiru Sokoto or Abu
Qaqa that I only took two of the bombs we just
manufactured for this operation.Let them know as
well that I may find it difficult to get to the target
place before the bombs explode because there is
terrible traffic jam now but nevertheless, I am sure
casualty figure will be high since we are five in our
taxi and all the vehicles in the traffic will be
affected too. We have less than 3minutes for the
bomb to go off bye- bye and take care of my
parents and siblings as agreed. The Man, without
allowing the taxi to stop quickly opened the taxi
door and jumped out,he was hit by a car and
eventually died on d spot, pls who killed him?.. Me
or Amebo?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-11-16 13:12:54

271 Views



Little girl [Read it]


A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while and then said, “I’ve always done it that way – that’s how Grandma did it.”

Not satisfied with the answer, the little girl went to visit her Grandma to find out why she cut the head and tail off the fish before baking it.

Grandma thought for a while and replied, “I don’t know. My mother always did it that way.”

So the little girl and the Grandma went to visit Great Grandma to find ask if she knew the answer.

Her Great Grandma thought for a while and said, Because, in my day, we had only a small kitchen, and my baking pan was too small to fit in the whole fish.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-02 07:48:26

3255 Views




LADY: Hi, good
afternoon
RADIO STATION: Good
afternoon, what can
we
do for you?
LADY: Please, I’ll like to
get two tickets for the
AY LIVE show this
weekend.
RADIO STATION: Well,
you’ll get the tickets for
free only if you play a
prank on someone on
air & make them believe
it.
LADY: That’s ok.
RADIO STATION: Are
you married? Do you
have
kids?
LADY: Yes, I have a son.
RADIO STATION: Good,
you will call your
husband & tell him he is
not d father of ur son.
LADY: Wow, that’s a big
one.
RADIO STATION: Well it
depends on how bad
you
want the tickets and
anyway we will be live
on
air listening and step in
to tell him it’s all prank.
LADY: Ok, let’s do this
cause I really want d
tickets.
RADIO: Ok, where is he
right now?
LADY: He’s at d office.
His number is…….. (Radio
station calls the
husband)
LADY: Hello Love!
HUSBAND: Hi Baby!
LADY: How is work?
HUSBAND: Good,can’t
wait to get back home
&
make sweet love to u.
LADY: Me too! But em…
there’s something I
need 2 tell you.
HUSBAND: Ok, I’m all
ears dear!
LADY: You know I love
u?
HUSBAND: Yes I do!
LADY: And we promised
to always be sincere to
each other?
HUSBAND: Yes we did,
u’re starting to scare
me
dear, pls, what’s this all
about?
LADY: Something
happened in my office
Nine
years ago.
HUSBAND: What
happened?
LADY: The annual xmas
party we had in d office
9yrs ago I got drunk &
Were Intimate wit a co-
worker…em,u are not d
father of our son.
HUSBAND: What!
LADY: I just felt u
should know.
HUSBAND: Are u crazy?
LADY: I’m sorry love, I
just needed to get it
off
my chest.
HUSBAND: I can’t
believe this.
LADY: Am sorry love, pls
forgive me.
HUSBAND: You want
forgiveness? Ok u have
to
forgive dis, I have been
sleeping with ur sister
for
the past 5yrs.
RADIO STATION: Oh
God!
LADY: What did u just
say?
HUSBAND: You heard
me, we just confessed
our
sins to each other. Is
there someone there
with
you?
RADIO STATION: Sir,
this is a prank & u are
on
air. We asked ur wife to
play a prank on u so u
guys can get tickets to
go watch d A.Y live
show
dis weekend.
HUSBAND: Oh poo!!!




If u were the woman,what will u do?.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-05-01 17:43:27

421 Views




Aao meri randi rani

Dikhao apni chut khandani

Le ke mere lund ko muh mein

Pee jao iska sara paani

Lund hai mera bara bhayankar

Rehta hai ye hamesa tankar

Dekhne isko aate videshi

Par choot marta hoon main keval swadesi

Mere lund k aage sab hai fail

Hathi,ghori sab ko deta hun pel

Darte hain isse sabhi raza

Kyonki naam hai mera chodu raza!!





-#yoyohoneysinghRelated

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

-Jackie MasonRelated

Akpos said to his friend Adempe "what are you eating and hiding at your back?"
"Longer throat, it's bread" replied Adampe.
Akpos then said "please can you cut for me, am hungry".
Adampe replied "No! If you like hit your head on the wall, I will not give you"
Akpos: please nah
Adampe: Nooooooo!
Akpos: whether you like it or not, I must eat that bread.
Adampe: hahaha no way
Adampe rub the bread on his armpit and give Akpos to cut.
Akpos collected it, unzip his trouser and rub the bread on his anus and said "wise fool, take, am done"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-22 18:33:28

1572 Views







Akpos was in an English class when the teacher was explaining different types of nouns to the class.

TEACHER: An abstract noun is something you can see but you cannot touch. Who can give me an example of an abstract noun.

AKPOS: Your breasts and your bum ma.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-18 13:40:13

196 Views



fateful wife [Read it]


A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?” The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.” The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?” Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says, “You.”



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-17 17:22:11

364 Views




A Husband came back home one night, his wife threw her arms around his neck and said, "Honey, I'm one month overdue. It's like I'm pregnant! The Doctor conducted a test on me today, but until it is sure, we wouldn't tell anybody."

The next day, the Man's Wife received a phone call from the electricity company because they had not paid their electricity bill.

ELECTRICITY MAN: Am I speaking to Mr Kilish?

WIFE: This is his wife.

ELECTRICITY MAN: You are a month overdue hope you all know?

WIFE: How did you people know?

ELECTRICITY MAN: Madam, it's in our file.

WIFE: (shouting) How did it enter your file?

ELECTRICITY MAN: We have a system of finding out who is overdue.

WIFE: (exclaiming) Oh my GOD!

ELECTRICITY MAN: Madam, I'm sorry, I'm following orders. I just called to inform you that you are overdue.

WIFE: No problem. I will tell my husband when he comes back.

That night, she told her husband, "They know that I'm overdue at the electricity company."

The next day, the Husband rushed to their office, "What's happening? I heard you people have a file that says that my wife is overdue. How did you know?"

"Just calm down," said the Lady at the reception, "It's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

The Husband asked, "Pay you people for what? What if I don't pay?"

LADY: Well, in that case sir, we have no option but to cut yours off.

HUSBAND: If you cut it what will happen to my wife?

LADY: I don't know. I guess, she will have to use a candle!

The Husband fainted!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-30 20:04:46

351 Views




A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse or sexual activity.
Virginity In Yoruba Culture
During the traditional era and before the advent of colonialism, virginity was held at high esteem among the Yoruba people. A lady is expected to get married as a virgin as having sexual intercourse before the wedding ceremony is a taboo. This is the reason why the intending couple are not allowed to have close contact or be in the same room with each other before the D-day: thus, the need for an intermediary (Alarina).

Virginity to them is known as ‘Ibale’ and it is the pride of any Yoruba lady to keep hers till her wedding night.The wedding night is usually seen as a frightened day for the bride and her parents. In those days, mothers were fond of asking their daughters about their virginity so as to prevent the shame and disgrace that come with not been a virgin.
On the wedding night, a white cloth is usually given to the couple and the cloth will be spread on their bedding, mostly mats. The parents of both families sometimes stay at the entrance of the house waiting for the cloth to be brought out of the house while some parents will be in their homes expecting result. In this culture, the white cloth is expected to be stained by blood and after the sexual intercourse, if the cloth is stained, it means that the new bride is a virgin. If it turns out that the white cloth is not stained with blood, it signifies that the new bride had been promiscuous and slept with a man before.

A bride that is met as a virgin by her husband will be celebrated while the one that is not will be disgraced and banished from the village. The white cloth (stained or not) will be sent to the bride’s parents. Other items like rotten yam, half-filled matches or empty box of matches, half keg of palm wine will also be sent to them meaning that their daughter was rotten and not complete before she was married. The parents will be publicly blamed for not training their daughter. Grief, sorrow and loud cries will follow suit. Such bride that will sweep the whole village, dance naked in the market’s place before she finally leaves her village. The groom also has the right to divorce such a woman.
On the other hand, if the newly-wed was met as a virgin, the groom’s family will send a full keg of palm wine, full matches box to the bride’s parents indicating that their daughter was complete before the wedding night. She will be praised publicly and her parents will be happy. It is believed that virgins have self-discipline and are well-trained by their parents.
This custom and virginity has many advantages as it prevent the rate of fornication and helps the married women to be faithful with their husbands. Also, many lives have been lost to the act. Some young ladies have committed suicide because of the shame. Highly respected or elders can also commit suicide if their daughter was found to have lost her virginity before her marriage. This tradition is no longer in practice and has eaten deep by colonilisation.

IBALE(VIRGINITY)....ITS ALL ABOUT A MAIDEN FROM HER VILLAGE TO THE UNIVERSITY, SHE KEEPS HER VIRGINITY THROUGHOUT HER LIFE, BUT WHEN SHE GET TO THE UNIVERSITY SHE HAVE TO FIGHT VERY HARD IN ORDER NOT TO LOSE IT BECAUSE IT'S A LAW AND AN OAT MAKE BY THE ANCESTORS AND MUST NOT MISTAKENLY BE BROKEN BY ANY HOW GUY IF NOT THEIR HUSBAND

WILL THE MAIDEN LOSE HER VIRGINITY?
WHO WILL DISVIRGIN HER?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF HER SEAL HIS BROKEN?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE GUY WHO BREAK IT?
WHAT'S IS BEHIND THE LAW AND THE OAT?
WHAT CAUSES THE LAW AND THE OAT?

STAY TUNE FOR IBALE(VIRGINITY)







NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Whenever she remembers the ugly experience she allegedly went through
in the hands of her boyfriend and three of his friends, she curses the
day she met him.
Jolade was said to have been gang-raped by four suspected cultists including her boyfriend of over two years, Oluwole Seyi, 18.
Another girl, Tawa (surname withheld), said to be the girl friend of
one of the other suspects, was also not spared as the boys allegedly had
carnal knowledge of her in quick succession.
The three other suspected rapists were identified as Olayinka Andrew,18; Tobi Akindolapo, 17; and Ayomide Akinbinu, 18.
Sunday Vanguard gathered that the victim was deceived by her
boyfriend who allegedly told her they were attending a party in Ondo
town that night.
But unknown to her, the boyfriend had allegedly arranged with three
of his friends to commit the dastardly act. On getting to the said
party, the victim was said to have become apprehensive when there were
no signs that a party was in the offing.
She reportedly raised eyebrows over the mode of dressing of her
boyfriend and his friends who allegedly put on black shirts and trousers
with red scarfs on their heads.
She, however, played along when she discovered that another lady was with the boys.
But suddenly the boys reportedly pounced on her and the other girl and the four of them had carnal knowledge of them.

The boyfriend, the police, quoting the victims, said, took the first shot before the others took their turns.
The suspects, it was alleged, ignored the girls’ cries for mercy. The
victims reportedly bled profusely after the sexual assault.
Speaking with Sunday Vanguard on the arrest of the four suspected
cultists who allegedly raped the girls, the Ondo State Police Command
image maker, Wole Ogodo, said the suspects were arrested in Ondo town.
Ogodo said they were amongst the 14 suspected cultists arrested across the state.
He said the suspects had made confessional statements and would soon be charged to court.
According to him, 32 suspects were arrested in November by detectives
across Ondo State for offences which include armed robbery, cultism,
burglary, fraud and kidnapping.
The image maker said the suspects were arrested at three different locations- Akure, Owo and Ondo town.
He explained that detectives under the state Special Anti- Cultist
Squad, SACS, swung into action following complaints lodged by victims
and made the arrests.
Shedding more light on the two girls allegedly raped, Ogodo said
Jolade’s boyfriend and his fellow suspected cultists were trying to
initiate them into the Eiye cult group.
He alleged that investigations showed that the suspects had been
responsible for m****r, rape and stealing in Ondo, Owo and Akure towns.
The police image maker alleged that the boyfriend – Oluwole –
confessed to be involved in stealing, rape among other vices, and that
he was initiated into the Eiye confraternity in Lagos.

Ogodo said Andrew, who allegedly claimed to reside at No 51 Ayeyemi Street, Ondo, confessed to raping Jolade and Tawa.

Tobi and Ayomide of No 18 Ayeyemi Street, Ondo, according to him, also confessed doing same.
Breaking down the suspects arrested, Ogodo said they include six
suspected armed robbers, three suspected burglars, one fraudster and
four suspected kidnappers, alleging they had been terrorizing the people
of the state.
According to him, two of the suspected armed robbers arrested used a
truck to block the Lagos/ Ore Expressway to rob a lorry loaded with 800
cartons of fish.
The lorry was later recovered by detectives in Onitsha, Anambra State.
Source:-

Akpos & God [Read it]


Akpos a man of 80 years old suffered from hypertension was rushed to the hospital, at the hospital he die and went to heaven,when he was in God's present God told him akpos you still have 40 more years to live so go back.akpos then came back to his body.after few days he recovered,after that he went and dye his hair from gray to black then used an extraordinary powder to avoid wrinkles on his face and body,a few days later akpos crossed the road without watching and was knocked down by an ambulance so he died instantly and went back to heaven where he told God "but you said i have 40 more years to live".God then said"i did not recognise you".


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2015-06-04 23:41:40

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Mushkil Hai Is Yaari Ko Bhula Pana;

Mushkil Hai Tumhe Yaadon Se Mita Pana;

Tum Ek Keemti Tohfa Ho Dosti Ka;

Namumkin Hai Is Tohfe Ki Keemat Chuka Pana!Related

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