Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


Desmond: at least before you travelled we were still friends
Stephanie: yes
Desmond: but how come you are so cold towards me
Stephanie: nothing;i just realise that a cat and a rat can never be friends
Desmond: what does it mean?
Stephanie: you figure it out yourself
Desmond: she will never change

Beauty: welcome Desmond
Desmond: thank you
Rose: son;how are you?
Desmond: am fine
Rose: didn't you go to work?
Desmond: no mom;i don't feel like going
Rose: are you sick?
Desmond: i am not;if i am;i will definitely take drugs
Rose: i am not talking about that kind of illness
Desmond: oh mother;what type are you talking about
Rose: emotional illness
Desmond: there you go again. i am fine
Rose: Beauty;did you offend my son?
Beauty: no ma
Rose: did you insult him
Desmond: mom;will you stop
Rose: tell me son;are you scared of telling her your feelings?i can do that for you and i know Beauty;will accept
Desmond: mom please;give me a break and stop it
Blessing: oh brother;you are getting irritated again over Stephanie
Rose: what?
Desmond: have you stop your mind and please go back to your husband and stop interfering in my business
Rose: son is she back
Desmond: i don't know
Blessing: just go on and tell her that you are still interested in her

Desmond: i can see that you have brain problem(he walk away)
Rose: is it true that she is back
Blessing: i don't know
Beauty: yes ma;she is back
Rose::alright;i know what to do
Blessing: what is that?
Rose: don't worry
Blessing: if you say so
Monalisa: hi
Rose: long time
Monalisa: you too;i know you didn't really want to talk to me after all that i did to your son and i learnt that he almost take his life because of my daughter all because of me
Rose: is one of those things;we get to hurt those whom we love
Monalisa: i know but mine is extreme. i just hope you forgive me
Rose: i hold no grudge against you but i hope you can be able to fulfil this favor i want from you.
Monalisa: if it is within my reach;i will do it
Rose: can you help me talk to your daughter on behalf of my son?i want them to come together
Monalisa: that will be difficult
Rose: what do you mean?
Monalisa: what if your son doesn't love my daughter anymore

Rose: that is not true. up till now his feelings haven't change
Monalisa: alright;i will talk to my daughter;although she is going out with someone for now
Rose: she is dating someone else?
Monalisa: yes
Rose: oh no;what do i do?
Monalisa: don't worry;i will talk to her and get back to you
Rose: alright bye
Monalisa: bye(enter Stephanie)welcome my baby

Stephanie: thank mom;is there food in this house
Monalisa: yes;you look stress up
Stephanie: why wont i?i just have this client that i want to filed an annulment
Monalisa: why?
Stephanie: she said her husband doesn't care anymore about her;he had deserted her for half a year;he doesn't give her maintenance fees for her baby and he even committed adultery. the most annoying thing is that he is injecting her out of their matrimonial home. is that not wickedness
Monalisa: why is the man so heartless?
Stephanie: that is one thing i don't understand about men. they expect you to forgive then when they offend you but they don't deserve forgiveness. i will do all within my power to make sure she get a divorce

Monalisa: why don't you filed for judicial separation?so that within that period they can still come to their sense and make up instead of breaking the marriage. they can assuredly settle it out of court,if you advice then
Stephanie: never;after all that he had done?i will never advice her on that. in fact first thing on Monday i will summit my motion on exparte since the marriage is not up to two years for leave to institute the proceeding
Monalisa: that is too soon. you are getting irritated sometimes and the fact that you have close your heart to love that is why you don't know the important of marriage
Stephanie: mother;what are you driving out?are you insulting me?
Monalisa: that is not true;if you are married or in a relationship;you will understand it more

Stephanie: mom;will you stop being irritating?will i get married to myself or am i God that give people husband?

Monalisa: stop;i am still your mom;stop rising your voice at me and listen to what i have to say
Stephanie: fine;what do you want to tell me about from getting married?if you want me to leave your house i will just do it. instead of telling me indirectly
Monalisa: that is not true;i am sorry if i hurt you
Stephanie: no need for that;excuse me
Monalisa: what is wrong with this girl?

Nancy: baby;this one you came to my house;is everything alright?
Vina: of cause;i just need someone to talk to
Nancy: what is bothering you?
Vina: Stephanie;i also need someone to accompany me to plaza
Nancy: alright;what about Stephanie?
Vina: she always seems last in thought;is like something is wrong with her
Nancy: something like what?
Vina: i don't know;i think we should ask her mom
Nancy: alright;we shall do that on our way home
Vina: fine;shall we

Felix: why where you so cool on the phone?
Stephanie: my mom is frustrating me. i just need a quiet time
Felix: is okay;why didn't you go to work?
Stephanie: i said i need quiet time and you are asking me why didn't go to work?
Felix: is okay;i am sorry;now that we are here;what do you want to do?
Stephanie: anything;i just want to be happy and forget my mom
Felix: is okay;you will be fine(enter Desmond)
Stephanie: i hope so;i just wish i could get out of this world and disappear. ever since birth all i do is what people want not what i want. i just wish i could be happy (she cry)i am tired;i just want to go
Felix: you don't have to go,i will always be here for you (he kissed her and she open her eyes to the extreme)
Desmond: have you no shame(he pull them apart)even in public
Stephanie: what is it this time?do i tell you what to do?no. stop meddling in my affairs and stay away from me
Desmond: you are such a spoil brat(he slap her)
Felix:will you stop it young man?i will not have you embarrass my fiancee in public(he pushed him and he hit a pillar and start bleeding)

Stephanie: stop it you two. shall we go(he held her hand)will you let go of me
Desmond: stare at me in the eyes and tell me;you don't love me anymore
Stephanie: i don't need to tell you anything. my action as show it. come on lets go

Beauty: Desmond;you are bleeding. did you get into a fight?
Desmond: no;i didn't;just get me a cold beer and a Glass
Blessing: why?you are bleeding instead of thinking on how to treat yourself you are thinking of cold beer

Desmond: will you stay off my case and stop asking foolish question. i am not in the mood. you don't want to give me?fine;i will get it myself(he left and return with it)
Beauty: i don't see to understand you anymore
Desmond: you don't have to because you are not obligated to me
Blessing: OH BROTHER!don't go about chasing shadow. if you cant tell your family your problem,who will you tell?
Desmond: you said it all i am chasing shadow and it is the fact;she is never coming back to me. it was so clear to me;i wanted for complete four years for nothing
Rose: what is going on?
Beauty: you are confusing us
Desmond: i was thinking;when she eventually return she will realise that i truly care and love her but it is all a mere fantasy;tell me is it a crime to love someone too much and loss your happiness when you lost that someone?is it that bad and difficult for someone to love me?i thought i was the only one she could confide in but i was wrong;i was one toy thing for her that she can easily discard. i can take all the things she did to me;even if she ignore me;even if she had told me that she doesn't love me anymore;i will understand but what i couldn't take is to watch her feel so comfortable in the hands of another even when he is kissing her and she know i hate it when people kiss her
Blessing: what if she didn't mean to?
Desmond: she meant it;i know her and how she react to things she doesn't like. i wish i could stop my self from loving her. i just cant and that is what i hate
Rose: don't worry;everything will be fine
Desmond: of cause

Blessing: my poor brother that is life for you
Beauty: i don't want anything to happen to him
Rose: thank you very much for standing by him. you are truly a good friend

Monalisa: welcome
Stephanie: thanks mom;i will just go to my room
Monalisa: can i talk to you?
Stephanie: mom please;i am not in the mood for those your chitchat
Monalisa: am i that evil that you don't want to talk to me?
Stephanie: fine;what is it?
Monalisa: don't you want to settle down with someone?

Stephanie: not again;i said i don't want to have this conversation but you wont listen. you kept pushing me
Monalisa: i saw your dairy when you left and i read the things you wrote on it
Stephanie: do you go about reading my stuff?
Monalisa: not exactly
Stephanie: then what?
Monalisa: you are raising your voice at me
Stephanie: i am sorry but you are so annoying
Monalisa: what?did i commit any crime by sending you out of Nigeria?i don't think i did but with your action i can see i committed one
Stephanie: am sorry;i didn't mean to yelled at you that is why i don't want to have this conversation. am sorry;excuse me

Monalisa: are you getting hurt because i deprive you of the one you love?i pleaded with you to forgive me. i am sorry;how long are you going to torture me for what i did?
Stephanie: i have forgiven you already and i hold no grudges against you because you are my mother and i don't expect you to be perfect
Monalisa: then open your heart to love again
Stephanie: if getting married is what you want then don't worry;i will get marry to Felix

Monalisa: that is not what i want. i want you to be happy sincerely;i read it and i have seems it;that you have just a space in your heart for a particular person but since that vacuum is there; you cant fill it with just anyone
Stephanie: what do you suggest i do?
Monalisa: give him a chance to love you again

Stephanie: you are one funny woman. i cant love him and i don't want to love him. he is in my past
Monalisa: what if he still love you?
Stephanie: i don't care and i don't need it
Monalisa: don't be too hard on yourself. i know deep down in you;you still feel something for him
Stephanie: oh mother;i know you meant well but some things are not mean to be and they should stay right the way they are

Monalisa: he still love you up till now and he is going through pains because of you
Stephanie: he want to;i didn't asked him to. i need to take my bath. i have a lot on my head
Monalisa: when you are done,come downstairs to eat
Stephanie: i will mom


Alfred: what is wrong with you?you barely concentrate on work and you almost administer the wrong treatment to a patient. what is it?
Desmond: nothing
Alfred: i know you have a very long time ;is like we are brothers,when something is wrong i know
Desmond: oh best friend;i don't know. i really don't understand anymore,i think she cast a spell on me
Alfred: what do you mean?
Desmond: i don't know;i cant sleep;i cant eat;i can't do things i want to do. i just feel useless. i never did want to fall in love with someone that doesn't love me. its just happen and it hurt
Alfred: i understand;i am sorry
Desmond: why are you sorry?its not your fault
Alfred: is all our fault. don't worry i will asked Anita to talk to her
Desmond: alright;i have to attend to a patient and after that i go to the bank
Alfred: take care;i will always look out for you
Desmond: i will;thanks(at the bank)

Masked man: everyone down
Stephanie: Jesus
Desmond: Stephie
Masked man: i said everyone down
Masked man 2: bring out your valuables;go get the manager(he get close to Stephanie)you?why are looking at me?
Stephanie: please;i beg you. please don't hurt me. i am really sorry;am not looking at you
Masked man 2: will you keep quiet
Desmond: please sir;don't hurt her
Stephanie: Desmond
Masked man3: keep quiet;what is wrong with you?(he pull the gun towards her;he drag the gun and the masked man was shot)

Masked man2: come on;let's go(they ran out)
Stephanie: please Desmond;don't leave me (she hug him tight)i don't want them to take me away
Desmond: is okay(she collapse)Stephie;wake up. please open your eyes




NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Continues..
Brenden: won’t you wait for the fight??
Preston: what the heck!!!!
Brenden boys were more than fifty in number. Preston’s boys were just forty. The fight Started and it was horror. Students who didnt stay in their hostels died of stray bullets. They were numerous gunshots. Campus turned into a battle field boys died a lot. Preston’s boys were winning Over brenden’s. It was like thirty against twenty as my eyes could count.
Brenden noticed his men were getting fewer he started running backwards heading to their car and at the same time shooting. All his boys entered brenden followed and entered the car. As they sped past preston’s boy ebuka shot shadow and matrix shot Smith and they sped off. Preston at once went to attend to them but before he could do anything, both gave up. Preston came back with their corpse and that of some of his boys. They were not happy at all. If they were to be happy it will be because they killed brenden’s majority and maybe because brenden ran away. I came out immediately I heard the horn of their car.
Preston: oh thank God you are here and alive(hugging me tightly)
Me:yeah….why?
Preston: brenden killed the F.F because he wanted me and the boys to come out so he can come for you.
Me: he could have succeeded……(avoiding his gaze)
Preston: what do you mean he would have succeeded?
Me: I am sorry I followed you to campus
Preston: you did what!! How?
Me: the girls, miranda and I had to follow you. I just felt like it..
Preston: do you know how dangerous it might be? What if you were shot?
Me: but nothing haopened. If I had been here maybe the worst would have literally happened.
Preston: but…..
Mecuts in. Crossing my index finger on his lips) just take it like that. I wasn’t shot and am safe……(melissa came out)
Miranda: oh they are back…hmmm I wonder how this weakling (eyeing presley) managed to escape.. looks like I trained him well..
Presley: please be serious for once and stop acting like a kid. Cant you be reasonable for once? This is no time to play around or joke or insult. We lost brothers,,if there should be anything to do, we should give them their respect and mourn them and revenge them.(crying)
Melissafeeling guilty so she hugged him) I am very sorry. I said that because I thought it will put you back in a joking mode.. i am really the
tried Presley: its okay. I want to be alone(going inside the girlfriend
Me: melissa if you like him just tell him. Remember he dont have a girlfriend (smiling at her)
Melissa: I dont like him. I was just trying to be sympathetic…..
Me: sympathetic huh? I see… good luck with being ‘sympathetic’.
The boys were done bringing the dead bodies from the the car and we all entrted into the house. Preston’s plan was to go bury them in school at the university’s premises because there was a big field meant for burying confras so they will be remembered..
Everyone of us had gone to our rooms. I and preston had gone to ours and tried sleeping but we couldnt..so I turned on the TV then we saw something on TV it was worldwide news. They announced the death of pedrick park in conjunction with the war that happened in campus. According to the newscaster, there was always a bad egg among the children of a father and they commended brenden whisley as the bad egg in the confraternities. He was proclaimed as the youngest terrorist having killed pedrick park who was heavily guarded single handedly.. the newscaster further said that whisley mark brenden’s father denied brenden as not being his son because her e has brought nothing but shame and disgrace upon him so he has disowned him and banned him from stepping his feets on Los Angeles else he will personally hand him to justice.
To be continued..


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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#joke. Akpors was hungry and went to 'mai shayi' (men selling tea and bread).
The following dialogue transpired between them:
Akpors: You get loaf of bread? Aboki: yes
Akpors: bring one; slice am into two and put two sachet of butter in between
Aboki: (happy and thanking God for bringing customer, is quickly doing as he is instructed). Akpors: You get egg?
Aboki: yes customer
Akpors: fry 6 eggs put am inside the bread. Aboki: Okay customer
Akpors: You get sardine? Aboki: yes customer everything dey.
Akpors: put two sardine inside the bread.
Aboki: Okay customer (happy and doing as he is told, already enthusiastic he'll make a lot of money)
Akpors: you don finish? Oya press the bread together for me.
Aboki: See am customer, i don prepare am finish.
Akpors: OYA CUT N10 Naira OWN FOR ME!
What would you do to Akpors if you were the guy?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-09-12 14:22:12

303 Views




Continues.
Preston:I don’t have a girlfriend (he was kissing my tummy he then stopped and faced me). Will you be mine?
MeI was glad within me finally I have been waiting for this moment) yours? As how?
Prestonhe laughed) you always like pretending. Will you be my girlfriend?
Me:yes I will(laughing) I could see the happiness and sign of victory in his eyes. He kissed me. I held his neck and his hands were on the bed supporting him. I had to open my legs to entertain his strength
Preston:now you are my girlfriend its normal to do this right? If you are not ready I can resist you know
Mef course its normal AMD I am ready.
He continued kissing me and at the same time he was pulling my pants and in no time he finished pulling them. And he pulled his boxers
Me: I hate v----a licking and d--k sucking so please don’t do that
Preston: I hate it more of course I won’t do it
He was still kissing me when I felt something hard inside of me almost up to my waist region. Seemed he had used force to push himself inside of me. The pain made me screamed. I shouted and at the same time tears dropped from my eyes. I held my breath to bear the pain and I gripped the sheets strongly in my hands. He came out of me he looked so worried
Preston:what’s wrong did I hurt you?
Me:yes you did (still crying)
Miranda and Presley ran to the door I guess they must have heard my shout
Miranda:Milly are you okay? What’s going on?
Preston: she is fine. Nothing is going on
Presley: OK then let’s go
They left AMD Preston faced me again. I covered my fave with my two hands
Preston:talk to me. How did I hurt you?
Me:I am a virgin and you forced yourself in
Preston:what? (He was so happy at the same time worried) why didn’t you tell me?
Me:I don’t know! I didn’t expect it to be this painful.
He got off me and checked so did I. I was bleeding. The bedsheets was already stained with my blood and so was the s---t of his hood.
Preston:can you walk so I can assist you to the bathroom?
Me:I don’t know. All I am feeling right now is pain.
Preston: I am so sorry. I was taken away. I should have asked you if you were a virgin
Me:don’t blame yourself. I will soon get over it
Preston: okay. What do you want me to do?
Me:I just want you beside me
Preston:and watch you bleed like this(sitting on the bed)
Me:forget about the bleeding. There is an amount of blood it will let out. So please just come beside me
Prestonkay I will be back. He went to the bathroom cleaned himself and also brought a bucket if water and a towel. He cleaned me by himself. I was a little embarrassed and shy but what can I do?
Soon he came and joined me and I slept on his arm that night like a baby. He wrapped me with his body and arms. We didn’t s-x that night again.
Watch out for episode 31..
Drop your comments on what next will happen…


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Woman has man in it, Mrs has Mr in it, female has male in it, Madam has adam in it, so girls r always incomplete without boys.Related

Quote [Read it]


It's better to fall from a tree and
break your back than to fall in love
and break your heart. Goodmorning



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-01-14 07:10:03

629 Views




Abbreviations you need to know
?#? APC?= Accepting Past Criminals.
?#? PDP?= People Deceiving People.
?#? IMO?= I Must Obey.
?#? IBADAN?= Ibo Boys Are Dangerous At Night.
?#? ABA?= Agege Boys Association.
?#? LAGOS?= Love All Girls On Sunday.
?#? ABACHA?= After Babangida Another Criminal Has Arrived.
?#? GULDER?= Girls Under Languor Deserve Extra Romance.
?#? FANTA?= Foolish Ashawo Never Takes Advice.
?#? WEEK?= Women Education Ends in Kitchen.
?#? NIGERIA?= Never Investigate Great Executive Robbers In Authority.
?#? NEPA?=Never Expect Power Always.
?#? KOBO?= Kill Obasanjo Before Others.
?#? AIDS?= America Invention for Discouraging Sex.
?#? PHCN?= Problem Has Change Name
?#? OYO?= On Your Own.
?#? NYSC?= Now Your Struggle Continue.
?#? GLO?= Get Lover Online.
?#? MTN?= Maintain Total Nonsense.
?#? GSM?= General Street Madness.
Have i lied?hahahahahahahahaah


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-25 23:08:35

235 Views




There is this girl, my course-mate, we do stay together during Lectures but my problem with her is that she has mouth odour. As beautiful and well packaged she is, I feel unease letting her know about that, but if it were my fellow guys, I know how I would've gone about it...just tell him "guy tidy your matter normal"
my question now is, how can I let her know?
As in tell her that her mouth smells? #NECS #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-28 23:28:05

516 Views




How foreign girls ask guys if they're single: "Are
you dating someone?"
Nigerian girls: "...hehe, you want your GF to
break my head abi?"



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-31 07:19:42

328 Views




EPISODE 5 CONTINUES.......YELO was fighting with demon 4 and 11 when demon 13 jumped on YELO wings to bite it off.but that was a bad idea.YELO used his leg to push demon 4 and 11 back a little bit back then he pushed his sword to his back chopping off the head of demon 13.as he decapitated demon 13,demon 4 and 11 came closer to him.still in that same motion he pushed his sword forward cutting of the head off demon 4 and 11 then he went after demon 5 which was already coming for him.
GURW was fighting demon 6 face to face when demon 2 jumped from afar towards his head.he used his to block demon 2 from getting his head then pushed his sword into demon 6 guts.he then pushed his wings upwards making demon 2 which was on his wings to lift up in the air.GURW then thrust upward.GURW used his sword to divide demon 2 into two halve from its waist then he descended downward pointing his sword at demon 8.
TEHI was fighting with demon 10 and 7.they were seriously pushing their hands at the same time making it hard for TEHI to take them down.TEHI used her left wings to hit demon 7 on the head making its head to hit demon 10 head.then TEHI held demon 10 on its throat and used her sword to spare demon 7 underneath its jaw.as demon 7 fell to the ground.TEHI used her sword to bisect demon 10.then TEHI went for demon 12.
TIENER went for demon 1 but as she ran demon 14 held her leg and wanted to bite her foot off.she bent down in a fast motion face back then she spared her sword into the mouth of demon 14 killing it.then she raised her sword with demon 14 still on it.she threw demon 14 dead body on demon 1.demon 14 dead body fell on demon 1.she then jumped up raising her sword shouting "MAY THE NAME OF THE LORD BE PRAISED"as she descended on demon 1.
I was left alone with demon 16.believe me it was the last but not the least.it was stronger than all the demon combined.I fought and fought with it until I used my left foot to knock it down.but that wasn't the end.it stood up.and it transformed into a big hideous demon making smoke envelope the atmosphere........(AME talking) when I saw how it transformed.I knew I was in for a battle of my life........it horns grow bigger.it eyes went to the top of its head.its body was of that of a black leopard.its head was of that of a bull.its mouth were in-between its eyes.
I looked at it then flu high up to attack it from the air.it jumped to eat me with its mouth that was on top of its head.as I descended down. it ascended up.I then threw my sword for its right eye.my sword spared its right eye making it fall back to the ground .I landed on its head to redraw my sword.it shook me off its head along side my sword.I landed with both feet on the ground and with my sword in my hand.it had only one eye.it looked at me angrily then it charged up against me.I set myself up for a head on battle.its horns where very sharp and pointy.I placed my sword beside me with both hands holding it.as it got close to me.I jumped upward cutting the demons head into two halve..........(AME talking)Menn I cut that demon so hard that it rain its blood everywhere.......
the battle was Over.we had won the war over the demons.as we left the tree it caught fire and that was the end of the sixfiten demon.
When we went back to heaven we were all got increased in rank.I finally got what I wanted.I was rank as an ARCHANGEL and that was the end of my story...............................................................................................to be continue.......story by DINDY.....WhatsApp number:07087750433....facebook namessy nnamdi
PLEASE DO NOT SHARE WITHOUT TELLING ME



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Akpos was shocked to see his
beautiful divorced neighbour
knocking on his door one Friday
evening.
"I'm feeling so lonely that I can't
stand it." she said. "I want to go
out, get drunk and want to enjoy
my life. Are you free tonight?"
"Yes!" Akpos replied enthusiasticall
y.
"Wonderful." she said. "Would you
watch my kids?"
Akpos nearly fainted.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-12 11:39:37

785 Views



if it's you [Read it]


My people help me check dis if it is you can you do dat? I have a girlfriend. She is 21, while I am 25. She is using Blackberry and iphone while I am using Nokia torch. I bought the phones for her because I love her so much. I send 400 naira card to her everyday but she doesn't call me. She only flashes me. Whenever we go to restaurant I buy maltina and fried rice for her while I drink only pure water and groundnut. One day I bought 400 naira card for her; when we were together, she called another guy and told the guy that she loves him and will marry him. When I asked her who she was calling, I have a girlfriend. She is 21, while I am 25. She is using Blackberry and iphone while I am using Nokia torch. I bought the phones for her because I love her so much. I send 400 naira card to her everyday but she doesn't call me. She only flashes me. Whenever we go to restaurant I buy maltina and fried rice for her while I drink only pure water and groundnut. One day I bought 400 naira card for her; when we were together, she called another guy and told the guy that she loves him and will marry him. When I asked her who she was calling, she said that she was only joking. She has never ever visited my house and she doesn't allow me to visit her house. Whenever I want to hug her she would shout at me bc. What should I do? Should I increase the recharge card I buy for her to 600 naira? or should I buy another Blackberry phone(85,000) for her and iphone6(458,000) for her too? I know that she loves me very much and she is just pretending as if she dont?? true or false! said that she was only joking. She has never ever visited my house and she doesn't allow me to visit her house. Whenever I want to hug her she would shout at me harshly. What should I do? Should I increase the recharge card I buy for her to 600 naira? or should I buy another Blackberry phone(85,000) for her and iphone6(458,000) for her too? I know that she loves me very much and she is just pretending as if she dont?? true or false!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-15 20:22:19

636 Views




A Father put his 3year old
daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which ended by
saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma and GOOD BYE Grandpa."
.
The father asked, 'Why did you say
good-bye Grandpa?'
The little girl said, "I don't
know Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day grandpa
died.
.
The father thought it was a strange
coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers
which went like this, "God bless
Mommy, God Bless Daddy and
good-bye Grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
. "Holy crap" thought the father, "this kid
is in contact with the other side."
Several weeks later when the girl was
going to bed the dad heard her say,
"God bless Mommy and good-bye
Daddy." .
He practically went into shock. He
couldn't sleep all night and got up at
the crack of dawn to
go to his office. He was nervous as a cat
all day, had lunch and watched the clock.. He figured if he
could get by until midnight he would be
okay. He felt safe in the office, so
instead of going home at the end of the
day he stayed there, drinking coffee,
looking at his watch and jumping at every
sound. Finally midnight arrived; he
breathed a sigh of
relief and went home.
.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late. What's the
matter?"
.
He said, "I don't want to talk about it,
I've just spent the worst day of my life."
. She said, "You think you had a bad day,
you'll never believe what happened to
me. This
morning my boss died in the middle of
a meeting!
. Draw your own conclusions
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-05 01:18:17

191 Views




Log on to sweet memories;

Download some dreams;

Save some joys;

Delete all your sorrows.

And Shut down your eyes;

Good Night!Related

Teacher: Today we are going to learn antonyms
Teacher: Good
Emeka: Bad
Teacher: Come
Joy: Go
Teacher: Original
Akpos: China
The teacher got angry and shouted "Get out!"
Akpos: Get in!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-26 12:07:16

751 Views



counting cow [Read it]


teacher:whats d best way of countin cow Akpos:by using cowculator


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-14 08:49:07

472 Views



Iron call [Read it]


One day Akpos was walking in the street? He met Edet who asked him what had happened to his ears as both were covered with bandages.


He said "I was ironing my clothes when the phone bell rang. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron, and so I burnt my ears"
Edet asked, "So what happened to your other ear?"
He said, "That same stupid guy called again!"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-19 20:53:19

451 Views



My heart desire [Read it]


Post BodyPLEASE READ FIRST:
*** This story is “NOT EDITED” so the readers are expected to understand the spelling and grammatical errors.
*** This story is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.
*** The uploading, scanning, and distribution of this story in any form or by any means – including but not limited to electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise – without the permission of the author is illegal and punishable by law. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
MY HEART DESIRES BY ANCHORLANIOUS © 2017
Am confusing can anyone tell me the truth yesterday was 2016 and today 2017 does that mean that tomorrow 2018?
No no I can't believe it
Hahahaha *HAPPY NEW YEAR 20177777777*

Session one episode 1


I sat down on a cemetery when this angel was passing by holding one blue band rubber and some shirts on a huger.
Anchor: Did you have her number?
Amé: Yes I do, why? did you want to rone her?
Anchor: I just dey feel her waaaa, but she has a boyfriend if am not mistaking?
Ame: No that boy is related to her but still trying to decode her
Anchor: Who am I referring to?
Ame: Isn't not Felix?
Anchor: Yeah how did you know that
Ame: That's whom we all know, but did you know something
Anchor: No
Ame: If she returns back asks her her digit pretend as if you do have and let see her reaction
Anchor: Okay I will do that, so are you sure she do have any pen drive?
Ame: Master look sharp, we dey for market where everyone is looking for what you are looking for, so pari make ward and get your own.
Anchor: No problem,
If I get this young girl ah hmmm I will scan, decode, format and that all.
Ame: Eiiii please don't spoil the girl and leave her ooo
Anchor: Here she comes
Anchor: Rosaline where from you?
Rose: My father's place
Anchor: Can I have your number
Rose: I don't have my number in mind
Anchor: Okay let me flash my line using your phone.
She handle me her Samsung Gi198... To me I flash my number and her name appears on my screen cox I've I've store her number before she arrived
Anchor: Waoo wonders shall never ends my number start with 054423 and yours also stated the same so let put everything in one plate
Rose: I don't get you can you through more light on that for me?
Anchor: I said let us do it as one family
Rose: Okay am not getting you but can you call me, cox am in hurry
Anchor: No problem
Ame: Hmmm Rose where is your boyfriend?
Rose: I do have any?
( phone ring)
Rose :hello am coming home, okay yoo
( referring to me)
I've to go my mum just call so call me when you reach home
Anchor: Okay I will
(After she went)
Ame; if you make ward you can get this girl ooo
Anchor: Ebi market let me try, niga we have to get out of here
Ame: Okay, tomorrow make sure you come early.
@ 5:40pm according to my time.
I went to the nearest vendor and get some airtime of GHc 1 before going home, I reached home took my bucket move to fetch water while I roll down the mini bucket to fetch water from the well I remember making call at 6:00pm is better than, on my screen it writing * 0% discount to MTN. Text start to 146 for daily romance story*
I quickly dial Rose's number, to my surprise.....guess what happened
TBC




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TRUE SAYING [Read it]


"Any man who successfully convinces a
monkey that honey is sweeter than a
banana is capable of selling condoms to
a Roman father."
#BOLLY_SMART™®


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-06-15 19:21:46

208 Views




The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

~ Theodore HesburghRelated

AYOMIDE*****EPISODE 10

Yes!!!...na so the lie come straight to
My head...with a smile in my face I finally
Replied my francisca who was really waiting
For an answer...we are on our holiday..I replied..
Hmmmm okay I see...so what about the
Surprise package you bring for me from IB?...she said...
Ohh okay,I went inside and bring the the
Nylon wey I put am,the phones were still dey
there,so I bring them out and gave her a box
While I put the other one beside me...
" That's for you francisca"..I said...
"You can't be kidding me right?..do you really
Mean this phone is for me?"...she asked..
'Yes of course its for you,though its two,one for me and the other one for you..."I replied her..
"Wow...thanks very much..you are really
Very nice,I really appreciate this"
na so this girl jump over me with a happy look....she is really very happy...this is what I
Want now...so A.Y you finally makes this girl
Happy once again?..I am even happy myself..
I think this girl's joy is uncontrollable as she
Places a soft kiss on my lips,chai!!!...my head
Turn straight,I was like am in heaven...na me this girl dey kiss??...I ask myself once...
I am really carried away...my dick is
Getting up now..you know now...e no easy
For a beautiful babe like this to kiss you
and make ur d*ck still remains original,
my brothers and sisters,me self no carry last
O,I draw her closer and kiss her passionately,
the best kiss of my life,I really love this,I was
Like I shouldn't stop,there was this thing
In my mind telling me to s#X her..but I am
Still able to control myself...it won't sound
Okay now..the girl wey come my house for
The first time,make I dey s#X her is out
Of the answer...
I kissed this girl for about 30minutes without
Having any S#X with her,I think its okay
Like that,but I no fit tell olamide about
This o,you know what kind of person he is
Now,he will really abuse me...hmmm
After we both calm down and we are out
Of the emotional action...I think she is
Now feeling shy or what...
I am very sorry for that,I am really very
Happy that I lost my manners,she finally talks
Ohh its nothing dear,I can understand you,
Well we are moreorless a lover now,so I think
Its nothing bad..I replied her leaving her speechless...
After our discussion,I helped her set up
Her new phone,I taught her how to use it,
I even did a monthly sub on it for her and mine also...she was really happy till the time she was
Leaving..I believe she really enjoy coming to
my house meanwhile I also enjoy it very much,
I will always remember that kiss...its a lovely
moment I can't forget..till today I can still remember my first kiss with francisca...
Though before she leave she told me she
Will be giving me my answer the next day,I was
Really eager to receive my reply...
The next day,I called her several times but
Her phone was switched off...this makes me very unhappy...but she later called me something
3:30pm in the afternoon,I was not happy and
Was like asking her questions angrily but before
I could do she is already begging me,her voice
Neutralize all those anger inside me,and I cool down,she told me she was receiving lecture
In class since morning..she said she was calling
Me after getting out of class just now,I think
she already know I would already be calling her..
After her explanations,we finally got to our
Main topic,the topic of the day...you people should have know it jare,am tired of typing.
Lol...
So francisca,what about my answer?...I asked
"Hmmm,A.Y,after thinking about it
thoroughly,though you are a nice guy,I really
Enjoy your company but I think we can't date,and my reason is that am older than you"
She replied me...
"What...I exclaimed",I was like fainting..have this girl already knows my secret??...chai!!!...so the secret I have been keeping is already exposed??...I just feel like
Dying...chai!!! What's all this nonsense??...oh
My Gosh....my mind come

>>

concern [Read it]


lets see who cann answer dis questions
abeg watin CONCERN fish wit umbrella?
watin CONCERN bicycle wit petro?
watin CONCERN nokia 3310 with flashshare?
watin CONCERN aerplane wit kerosin?
abi watin CONCERN farmer wit cholk?
watin CONCERN tailor wit clipper?
watin CONCERN lion wit grass?
watin CONCERN mother's wit vergin?
and if no b say life dae on fire watin 1 CONCERN me wit gals?
dnt 4 get 2 include urs..lets get d fun goin lolzz.







NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-26 01:30:31

529 Views




Simbiat: Am so sorry Snakie for all that happened, how did it happen, you look so unkempt
Me: How do you want me to look, this is a prison yard for crying out loud
Simbiat: Am sorry, i had to go and hide for a while as police were so much on the case, the guy that kidnapped you were later arrested by the police in another case, i was so scared they will mention my name, i had to go to our village in Osun to stay for a while pending when my service was through
Me: Hey yah..how is everything now
Simbiat: Am still hiding in fear oo, this is the first time i will be in lagos since i started my service 3 months ago, i decided i must make sure i set my eyes on you, i make my findings and was told you are here, i had to come and check you
Me: You are now serving in Kano…..that is good dear, hope you are enjoying your service?
Simbiat: sincerely there is nothing like being clean, I thank God nobody know my past from that part of the world and i don’t think i will ever be close to Lagos or Benin again for the years to come
Me: everything would have settled down jhoor, whatz up with the hijab
Simbiat: This is how i disguise in this place now not to be caught, i don’t want to leave any chances
Me: That is good
Simbiat: So, where are you on the case now
Me: Have been sentenced to 11 years
Simbiat: Ahhhh…Eleven years ke?
Me: But have filled for appeal and a date has been given for hearing
Simbiat: wow..that is good, am so sorry
Me: No problem dear
Simbiat: But i have something to talk to you about
Me: what is that?
Simbiat: I was actually in your area when the incident happened that day
Me: In which area?
Simbiat: Egbeda?
Me: How did you know my house?
Simbiat: Have you forgotten that we are the one that kidnapped you?
Me: Ohhhh…
Simbiat: Well, we didn’t exchange phone number as you don’t have a phone again that day when i left you, i wanted to keep in touch again, i wanted to talk to you as i couldn’t thank you enough, i feel like talking to you from the following day we departed
I came to your area on Sunday to come and trace you, i first ask of you and i was told you were not back, not quite long i left your compound i saw you coming in with your wife, i couldn’t walk up to you guys so i was waiting for you to come out of the building just to have chance to see you, i waited till people started visiting you here and there but you didn’t come out
At a time, i wanted to come in and ask of you but i remembered what happened with your wife the last time we departed, i don’t want your wife to call attention on me, i left the place to visit one of my old guy in Ipaja.
I came back later in the evening around 7:30pm, waited till like 15minutes but i didn’t see you either, time was going, i decided i was going to call Biola since i still have her number and requested to speak to you and fake that i was one of your colleague from the office, my major aim was to mention my name once she give you the phone, i will greet you and tell you to get my number from her phone.
I checked my phone and i didn’t have enough credit on it, i decided to walk down to the next street to get a card, i dialled Biola’s number when the recharge card seller was still looking for change, all i could hear when she picked my call was get out of my house, get out of my house before i shout thief on you, i thought network diverted it to a wrong number, i called the number again but she wasn’t picking and the number was ringing.
I started trekking back to your street to come and knock on your door no matter how it will be, its late already and i knew hardly will anything happened, i was close to your house when i saw someone drove out in a rush, i sensed something might be wrong..
I waited for like 10minutes after the car left after which i entered your compound, the place was a bit deserted, i walked straight to your flat your door was opened, i walked in and saw blood all over the place. I even walked to your bedroom and saw your bed filled up with blood, i started moving out immediately but something caught my attention on my way outside, i saw this phone (Showed me my wife Samsung phone)



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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An Illiterate Guy Akpos was searching for a job
and came to a big company to make inquiry
concerning the advertisement that was placed
outside the company.
Akpos being so eager, didn't read the
advertisement
properly. He just dashed into the company
and started asking for the MD. Little did he
know that such a job requires somebody who
has been to different parts of the world.
The MD decided to have an interview with
him.
MD: Hello young man, what can i do for you?
Akpos: Good morning sir. I came concerning
the advertisement placed outside your
company.
MD: Oh i see! I hope you know that this job
requires
somebody who has been to different parts of
the world.
Akpos: Yes sir, i know that.
MD: Good! Now, tell me, have you been to
China?
Akpos: Yes sir, i lived there for 2 years.
MD: Wow! That's good. How about London,
have you been there before?
Akpos: Yes sir, i lived there for 6 years.
MD: Interesting, how about the United States?
Akpos: I have been there sir, i lived there for
4 years.
MD: Hmm! Then you must know a lot about
Geography.
Akpos: Yes sir, i have also been to Geography,
i lived
there for 7 years.
One word for Akpos.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-06 11:43:18

907 Views



Weird but true [Read it]


CRAZY NONSENSE
You got a babe's number and you used "chick" to
store her name. Is her Mum a fowl?
You bought suya for your woman, she ate
everything while you just ate the onions. Are you
a vegetarian?
You are with your guy but you are on your phone
talking to different guys every five minutes, yet
you claim you are not cheating on your guy. My
sister, are you an MTN customer care agent?
You ask a girl for what she wants, she tells you
money and you are angry. Were you expecting her
to say wisdom and understanding?
You took your girlfriend to the club everyday, then
you married her and you want her to stop going
to the club. Were you expecting a miracle?
Your girlfriend dumps you for a rich man and you
call her a GOLD DIGGER. but your sister did the
same to another guy, yet you gave a testimony in
Church saying, "Its the grace of God." You are an
Hypocrite!
Your babe got F9 parallel in WAEC, and she still
asking you for Brazilian Hair of #150.000. Where
does she want to fix the hair on?
You have 8 tribal marks, stretch marks is
scattered all ova your body yet you still want a
tattoo. Are you a zebra?
You are 6 feet tall, but you still wear 6 inches
high heels shoe. Do you want to whisper to God?
You are snapping in different type of cars, yet you
expect your man to believe you are not cheating.
Are you a
mechanic?
You gather different girls picture on your phone
and yet you expect your girl to believe you are
not cheating. Are you a digital photographer?
He gave you an engagement ring for over five
years, but he hasn't married you yet. My dear, are
you the lord of the rings?
You pay your babe's university school fees and
yet you have not written JAMB. Are you part of
the scholarship
board?
You are 18 years and your sugar daddy is 70
years old and you are calling him BABY. My sister,
he should be your ANCESTOR!
Your babe is licking ice cream and you're drinking
pure water. Are you diabetic?
You read all of this and yet you thumb it down?
Are you Boko Haram?
You can add other examples in the comment box
below.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-07-10 14:10:37

420 Views



Running time [Read it]


Atiku has said he is RUNNING in 2015....... Kwankwaso is also RUNNING.... Buhari is RUNNING as well... Goodluck Jonathan will RUN... Amaechi said he has interest in RUNNING. Oshiomole has also declared he is ready to RUN. Rochas Okorocha is also set to RUN. Tambuwal is ready to RUN too. My questions are: 1. Where are they RUNNING to? 2. Who is pursuing them? 3. Do we have Olympics in Nigeria in 2015? 4. Is it 100m or 200m race? Or is it a Marathon race? 5. Which stadium are they using? 6. What about you reading this, Won't you RUN? Please after reading this ...start RUNNING and don't look back..... Because me too am also running..... Don't 4get 2 RUN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-26 23:10:24

262 Views




Santa called on Flipkart’s helpdesk.

Santa: Is it Flipkart?

Flipkart: Yes sir.

Santa: My wife has given birth to a baby boy.

Flipkart: So what?

Santa: It will be better If you provide me the cash offered by you.

Flipkart: Hey… which cash?

Santa: Aren’t you that company who told in the advertisement ‘Cash on delivery is available’?Related

Little Johnny [Read it]


A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.
Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"
Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."
Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"
Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."
Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"
Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-05 16:20:09

994 Views



Missing Money [Read it]


Akpos returns a missing purse to the owner in a market. The lady was so grateful but when she looked inside the purse, she got confused and said,"but I had just a single note of N1000 but, now there are ten notes of N100, how come?" Akpos said"na me change am, because the last time I help person find purse she say she for give me something but change no dey! So I changed it"...and the woman Start calling me thief... plz did i stole d money?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-21 18:07:44

412 Views




A woman decided to
have a face lift for her
birthday.
She spent #2,500,000 and
felt really good about
the results.
On her way home she
stopped at a dress
shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she
said to the sales clerk,
"I hope you don't mind
me asking, but how old
do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the
woman said, feeling
really happy.
After that she went
into Mr Bigg's for
lunch and asked the
order taker the same
question.
He replied, "Oh, you look
about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she
said, feeling really good.
While standing at the
bus stop she asked Akpos,who was behind her the same
question.
He replied, "I am 85
years old and my
eyesight is going. But
when I was young
there was a sure way
of telling a woman's
age. If I put my hand up
your skirt I will be able
to tell your exact age."
There was no one
around, so the woman
said, "What the hell?"
and let him slip his hand
up her skirt.
After feeling around for
a while, Akpos
said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman
said, "That was brilliant!
How did you do that?"
Akpos replied, "I
was behind you in line
at Mr Bigg's.".
#CtB #B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-11-29 07:45:46

656 Views




Girlfriend: I am just too fed up from our daily fights, I just wanna break up with you.


Boyfriend: Kya hua yaar?


Girlfriend: Mein ab tumhaare saath nahin rah sakti, mein jaa rahi hun.


Boyfriend: Theek hai, theek hai, par pehle yeh chocolate toh le lo.


Girlfriend: Ohhhh… so you don’t want me to go, manaa rahe ho na mujhe choclate deke.


Boyfriend: Nahin re pagal, meri maa kehti hai ki koi bhi shubh kaam karne se pehle munh zoaroor meetha kar lena chahiye.Related

May you begin this day with a smile on your face;

And with happiness for your soul to embrace.

Wish you a very lovely morning!Related

You know what feels worse than a condom?
AIDS.Related

FIRST LADY [Read it]


I will miss Jonathan ooo. Now that Buhari has
won, will Buhari's wife make Nigerians laugh and forget their sorrows like first lady Dame Patience does? This woman has
increased the life span of an average Nigerian.
Examples of her "award winning speeches"
include:
1- * Nigeria is a great CONTINENT.
2- * My husband and Sambo IS good people.
3- * I rather KILL myself than commit
SUICIDE.
4- * My fellow widows.
5- * I travelled to abroad to rest in peace.
6- * My husband is the best couple on earth.
7- * The doctors are responding to
treatment.
8- * For those who said I speech bad English, I left them for God.
9- * Ojukwu is dead, but his Manhood still lives on.
10- * Na only you waka come?
11- * Chai ! Chai !! Chai !!! This blood we are "sharing"
12- * dia is God o...
13- * on behave of N2million I donate my family.
14- *To all those who think Goodluck Jonathan has failed, I have a question for you. When a
child fails an exam, isn't the child supposed to be repeated?
Please support and honour Nigeria first lady by sharing this with all your contacts. Don't laugh alone.
Chei ! Chei !! Chei !!! Dis
message "we are reading" "dia is god o"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-16 13:04:18

806 Views




Life is like a camera. Just focus on what’s important. Capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if thing don’t turn out the way you want – just take another shot!Related

BETWEEN AKPOS AND EMEKA
Emeka: U be fool, u no sabi anything.
Akpos: Ahhh...haba guy.
Emeka: Na so. I fit prove am sef. If na
night and u
see 2 light for road, na wetin be dat?
Akpos: Na moto.
Emeka: Ehenh, but wish kind? Benz?
Peugeot? or
Lexus?
Akpos: I no know dat one oh
Emeka: U see am. Anyway, second proof.
Na night, u
see 1 light for road. Na wetin be dat?
Akpos: Na okada.
Emeka: Ehenh, whish one? Suzuki?
Yamaha? or
Kawasaki?
Akpos: Ahh....how I suppose know?
Emeka: U see am? I don show u say u be
fool.
Akpos: Na wa 4 u o. Dis ur question sef.
Oya make I
ask u. If na night u see woman for
roadside....mini
skirt, big breast, red lips, big nyash, na
wetin?
Emeka: Na ashawo.
Akpos: Ehenh, but which one? Ur mama, ur
sister or
ur daughter?
Who come be fool?

HAHAHAHA
Happy New year



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-12-31 19:31:46

191 Views




Studies show that friends who like “My Posts” have an above average IQ!Related

Handicap [Read it]


TEACHER: A person who have no hand is called?

AKPOS: A Handicap

TEACHER: A person who have no leg is called?

AKPOS: A Legicap.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-10 10:41:08

416 Views




A sculpted and polished phallus(penis especially when erect), that is 20cm-long, 3cm-wide stone object found in a German cave (Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm in the Swabian Jura) is among the earliest representations of male sexuality ever uncovered, researchers say. And it is dated to be about 28,000 years old.Related

Akpos’ phone rings…

Lady{on phone}: hi sir, i want
to meet and talk to you. You
are the father of one of my
kids.

Akpos stuned; OMG!
Are you Jennifer?
No
Are you Anne?
No
Are you Josephine?
No
Are you Chichi?
No
Are you Chinyere?
No
Are you Omowunmi?
No
Are you Folashade?
No
Are you Hauwa?
No
Are you Mariam?
No
{after few seconds of
silence}
Are you Gabriella?
Confused lady replied: No sir,i am the class teacher of
your son.



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-28 08:17:22

276 Views



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