Unlimited Jokes and Funny Moments:


The following conversation ensued between Akpos and his wife:

Wife: Our maid is pregnant….
Akpos: That’s her problem
Wife: Neighbours are talking…
Akpos: That’s their problem..
Wife: I’m worried
Akpos: That’s your problem
Wife: They say it’s yours
Akpos: That’s my problem..!!!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-27 23:17:00

600 Views




My mom only had one eye. I hated her… she was such an embarrassment. My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell… anything for the money we needed she was such an embarrassment. There was this one day during elementary school.
I remember that it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school… “Your mom only has one eye?!” and they taunted me.
I wished that my mom would just disappear from this world so I said to my mom, “Mom, why don’t you have the other eye?! You’re only going to make me a laughingstock. Why don’t you just die?” My mom did not respond. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that I had said what I’d wanted to say all this time. Maybe it was because my mom hadn’t punished me, but I didn’t think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.
That night… I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, and then turned away. Because of the thing I had said to her earlier, there was something pinching at me in the corner of my heart. Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So I told myself that I would grow up and become successful, because I hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.
Then I studied really hard. I left my mother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence I had. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. Then I had kids, too. Now I’m living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it’s a place that doesn’t remind me of my mom.
This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when someone unexpected came to see me “What?! Who’s this?!” It was my mother… Still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom’s eye.
And I asked her, “Who are you? I don’t know you!!” as if I tried to make that real. I screamed at her “How dare you come to my house and scare my daughter! Get out of here now!!” And to this, my mother quietly answered, “oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,” and she disappeared. Thank goodness… she doesn’t recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that I wasn’t going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life.
Then a wave of relief came upon me… one day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. I lied to my wife saying that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went down to the old shack, that I used to call a house…just out of curiosity there, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But I did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand…. it was a letter to me.
She wrote:
My son, I think my life has been long enough now. And… I won’t visit Seoul anymore… but would it be too much to ask if I wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much. And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I decided not to go to the school…. For you… I’m sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an embarrassment for you. You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye… so I gave you mine… I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple times that you were angry with me. I thought to myself, ‘it’s because he loves me.’ I miss the times when you were still young around me. I miss you so much. I love you. You mean the world to me.
My World Shattered. I hated the person who only lived for me . I cried for My Mother, I didn’t know of any way that will make up for my worst deeds…
Moral: Never Ever hate anyone for their disabilities. Never disrespect your parents, don’t ignore and under estimate their sacrifices. They give us life, they raise us better than they had been, they give and keep trying to give better than they ever had. They never wish unwell for their kids even in their wildest dreams. They always try showing right path and being motivator. Parents give up all for kids, forgive all mistakes made by kids. There is no way to repay what they done for kids, all we can do is try giving what they need and it is just time, love and respect.

if you like this story then prove it by liking

suicide [Read it]


A guy & hiz galfrnd went to a ten storey building 2 commit suicide so dat God can officiate there wedding 4 dem in heaven, on reaching da building, da deal was to jump @ da same time @ da count of 3, da count was made by both of dem, n da guy jump bt da gal did not " here's wat she said: THOUGH LUV IS BLIND BUT AM NOT" & she walk away..... while da guy was still on air he immediately open hiz parachutes n landed safely on ground n he said dis " THOUGH AM MADLY IN LUV BUT I WON'T DIE 4 LOVE...he den walk home.....
So tell me dear, who among dem is unloyal n nt to b trusted?


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-05-25 20:25:05

444 Views




Imagine!!
U will see some sweet names that girls do answers, leaving thier parental(Real) given name.. Only because they would like to answer names that sounds nice when U call it, but in order way has no meaning..
They will change thier names in social media, names like..
Amarachi= Amisky
Chidera= Chidesk..
Chioma= Chomsy
Chiamaka= Chimaks..
Christiana= Christy.. And others
but when U ask them to send thier account number for U to pay in money... The names will change ..
Amisky= Okeaghilanwa Amarachukwu Magaline..
Chimaks= Chukwuakonobi Chiamaka Matirida...
Could that be love?? Lolx..



%Nazature...


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-26 19:55:44

687 Views




NIGERIA….MY BELOVED COUNTRY.
• Where our mothers use ice cream bowls
to store pepper in the fridge
• Where ladies don’t accept flowers for
valentine or birthday.
• Where lizard go look ur eyeball, node
head say “notin dey happen guy”
• Where a blind beggar will reject a fake
nairanote.
• Where Groundnuts are sold in BOTTLES
and WATER is sold in SATCHETS.
• Where parents claim they were always
first position in school.
• Where You Can Be A Driver For Years
Without A ‘DRIVER’s LICENCE’
• Where government officials don’t know
the national anthem.
•Where Gala and Lacasera are d best
options wen stuck in traffic.
• Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi
and given a chieftancy title for stealing
millions.
• Where we fight for everything. To gain
admission to university, to get a job and
worse still to enter a bus!
• Where u are robbed of your phone and
the robbers come back for ur Pin code n
charger.
• Where ur type of GENERATOR shows how
RICH you are.
• Where you can easily blame your family
members in the village for your problems.
• Where rich men must have pot belly.
• WHERE IF U DO ANYHOW U GO SEE
ANYHOW.
• Where generator is a social amenity.
• Where people dey collect change for
beggarhand.
• Where igbo men produce Toyota camry
jeans and Dr’dre slippers
• Where the man who had no shoes is the
president.
•Where bb torch is sold in traffic for
N12k!!!!



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-08-01 16:41:27

786 Views




Akpos: I am dreaming to be rich...just like my father..
Teacher:"Is ur father rich?".
Akpos: No, he's dreaming too


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-23 13:12:39

401 Views




BROKEN SEAL
EPISODE 32

*on the phone*
Rodelio: message delivered,
damage comfirmed, its time to
take back what rightfully
belongs to us.
Nikky: i’m glad its finally over,
wow so soon?
Its time for you to prove to
Ella that you’ar the best for
her, shes now yours and yours
alone.
Rodelio: thats right sweetheart,
i can’t wait to party!!!
*hung up*
Nikky was glad to hear their
plan worked out just perfectly
well.
Rodelio’s men hid in garden
watching them, it was then
they took those perfect shots.
Nikky smiled to herself, its
now time to get her family
fixed….Nenita her daughter
and Isaiah her ‘husband’.
She continued smiling
devilishly as she next to Nenita
who was still sleeping.
According to the doc, she
would be discharged tomorrow.
**********************
Angelo came back home pretty
late.
Hd spent sometime with his
daughter and grandchild,
though Neni didn’t wake
before he left.
His trip back to Cebu was very
hectic.
Carolyne: hi hon…..where were
you, all day?
Angelo: uhm (scratching his
head) Nikky and I visited the
orphanage.
Carolyne: you went for charity
and never cared to tell me
about it?
Angelo: not exactly….thing
is…..am sorry for keeping this a
secret from you okay?
Carolyne: okay?
Angelo: your daughter, Nikky
got pregnant……
Carolyne: what?!!
Angelo: lemme finish….she got
pregnant back then in college,
she was so scared of facing the
public with such a shame, that
was whx i had her flown
abroad, she gave birth there
and i brought to kid to an
orphanage here in Philippine.
Carolyne: and you both kept
this from me? Why?
Angelo: it was 5years ago,
remember?
Carolyne: oh i get it.
Exactly 5years ago was a sour
year for the Angelo family,
nobody wanted to talk about
that year anymore, ‘coz from
January that year through to
the half of the subsequent
year, Carolyne suffered
psychiatric problem.
She was in the rehabilitation
home for over 14months, luck
decided to shine on her after
this period, she got her
healing.
Angelo told her Isaiah their
mayor’s son was the father of
Nikky’s child.
They continued talking about
other stuffs….
************************
I got home, feeling shattered
and broken.
Ever heard of Keith urban’s “i
can’t live without you” exactly!
That was the only song and
emotion that kept revolving
round my heart.
I’m i really loosing Ella for
good? The only lady i ever
truly loved?
Wait a sec, could it be that
Nikky never got pregnant? Is
she only making things up?
How did Ella get those pics?
These and many more
questions devoured my
thoughts.
I can’t help but recall the
events of my past…….
Nikky and I grew up together,
(in Cebu) our houses were
linked together by a garden.
As kids, we always meet up to
play, our parents were also
good friends.
Nikky and I went to college in
the same year and time. We did
most things together.
On this fateful day, Nikky
asked me to come over and put
her through with some hard
math topics.
I didn’t hesitate, ‘coz shes my
friend!!!
She use to live alone, i arrived
her apartment, i was given a
warm welcome before she went
to her mini bar to get us some
drinks.
My body chemistry changed
the moment i tasted the glass
of whatever wine she claimed
to have offered.
I felt freakingly weak and the
urge for s-x was at its peak.
Me: what did you give me?
I managed to mutter, but she
only laughed.
Feeling weak, i laid on the
couch.
Minutes later, i felt some
weight on me.
I opened my eyes only to see
Nikky lying on me, she was
wearing only bra and uhm pink
panties (if my memory serves
me right).
I tried speaking but my tongue
wasn’t coperating.
Nikky planted a kiss on my
lips, i was too weak to resist or
should i say i wasn’t
determined to resist?
We ended up having sèx lesson
in place of math lesson.
That was how we leaped from
platonic friendship, though our
relationship was short lived.
Shìt!! If only i can turn the
hands of time, i wouldn’t have
visited Nikky that night!!!!
HMM WOMEN WITH THEIR ANTICS
To be continued

>>

If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability.

~ Henry FordRelated

Kinds of Hell [Read it]


A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.
At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russian Hell and many more. They are all similarly gruesome. However, at Nigerian Hell a long line of people is waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Nigerian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that's the same as the others," says the man. "Why are so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because of the power cuts, the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."..


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2017-03-28 09:47:30

278 Views




By the time Banta pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. “You`ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don`t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, this man by the name of Santa, snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I`m not sure it`d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” tired Banta assured him. “I`ll take it.”

The next morning Banta came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “How`d you sleep?” asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with snoring Santa?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said Banta.

“How`d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“Santa was already in bed, snoring away, when I entered in the room,” Banta explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, `Goodnight, beautiful,` and he sat up all night watching me.”Related


FOREST OF THOUSAND DAEMONS.



Author:
Late D.O Fagunwa.


Translator:
Professor Wole Soyinka.



My friends all, like the sonorous proverb do we drum the Agidigbo; it is the wise who dance to it, and the learned who understand its language.

The story which follows is a veritable Agidigbo; it
is I who will drum it, and you the wise heads who
will interpret it. Our elders have a favourite
proverb—are you not dying to ask me how it
goes?—they tell it thus, ‘When our masquerade
dances well, our heads swell and do a spin.’
Forgive my forwardness, it is the proverb which
speaks. Now I do not want you to dance to my
drumming as a mosquito to the deep Ibembe
drums, its legs twitching haphazardly, at
loggerheads with the drums. Dance my friends, in
harmony, with joy and laughter, that your
audience may ring your brows with coins and
pave your path with clothing; that men may
prostrate before you and women curtsey in sheer
pleasure at your dancing. But for a start, if you
want this dance to be a success, here are two
things I must request of you. Firstly, whenever a
character in my story speaks in his own person,
you must put yourselves in his place and speak
as if you are that very man. And when the other
replies, you must relate the story to yourselves
as if you, sitting down, had been addressed and
now respond to the first speaker. In addition, as
men of discerning—and this is the second task
you must perform—you will yourselves extract
various wisdoms from the story as you follow its
progress. Well, I do not want to say too much at
the start lest I become a loquacious fool, one
who deserts the clearly blazed path and beats
about the bush. I will rather now take up my
drum and set to it, and I request you to adjust
your agbada, toss its sleeve properly over your
shoulder, prepare yourselves for dancing, that
the affair may dovetail neatly in the spirit of the
saying, ‘I can dance and you can drum; this is
the meeting of two grubs.’ That, forgive me, is a
proverb of our elders. It all began one beautiful
morning; a clear daybreak it was, the harmattan
haze had retreated home, the creatures of the
forest were still asleep, those of the backyard
were feeding on the day’s providence and birds
were singing praises of their Maker. A beatific
breeze rustled the dark leaves of the forest,
deep dark and shimmering leaves, the sun rose
from the East in God’s own splendour, spread its
light into the world and the sons of men began
their daily perambulations. As for me I sat in my
favourite chair, settled into it with voluptuous
contentment, enjoying my very existence. Not
long after I was seated an old man came up to
me and greeted me. I returned him courtesy for
courtesy. Observing what appeared to be a
desire to stay I offered him a chair and turned it
to face me. Once seated, we began to exchange
pleasantries and share jokes like old
acquaintances. But it was not very long after
when I heard the man sigh deeply as one whose mind was troubled by a heavy thought. Even as I began to consider asking him the cause, he began himself to speak thus: ‘Take up your pen and paper and write down the story which I will now tell.

Do not delay it till another day lest the benefit of it pass you over.

I would not myself have come to you today, but I am concerned about the future and there is this fear that I may die unexpectedly and my story die with me. But if I pass it on to you now and you take it all down diligently, even when the day comes that I must meet my Maker, the world will not forget me.’ When he had spoken thus I hurried to fetch my writing things, brought them over to my table, settled myself in comfort, and let the stranger know that I was now prepared for his tale. And he began in the words that follow to tell me the story of his life— My name is Akara-ogun, Compound-of-Spells, one of the formidable hunters of a bygone age. My own father was a hunter, he was also a great one for medicines and spells. He had a thousand powder gourdlets, eight hundred Ato, and his amulets numbered six hundred.

Two hundred and sixty incubi lived in that house and the birds of divination were without number. It was the spirits who guarded the house when he was away, and no one dared enter that house when my father was absent—it was unthinkable. But deep as he was in the art of the supernatural, he was no match for my mother, for she was a deep seasoned witch from the cauldrons of hell. Once my father had nine children, of whom I was the eldest; four wives and my mother was the most senior of them.


She had four children, the wife who was next to her had three, the next two and the fourth had none at all. One day my mother and another of these wives had a quarrel and took the case to my father for settlement. He found my mother at fault and this so angered her that she resolved to take vengeance for the slight. She became so ruthless in her witching, that, before the year was out, eight of my father’s children were dead and three of his wives had gone the same way.

Thus was I left the only child and my mother the only wife.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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If loving u is wrong, then I don’t wanna be right. My luv 4 u is strong & brighter than any light. The way we must go is long, but we’ll win every fight.Related

1. The past cannot be changed.

2. Opinions don’t define your reality

3. Everyone’s journey is different.

4. Things always get better with time.

5. Judgments are a confession of character.

6. Over thinking will lead to sadness.

7. Happiness is found within.

8. Positive thoughts create positive things.

9. Smiles are contagious.

10. Kindness is free.

11. You only fail if you quit.

12. check

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when
they
came across a couple of dogs mating on the
sidewalk.
"What are they doing, Grandma?" asked the little
girl. The grandmother was embarrassed, so she said,
"The dog
on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is
carrying him to the doctor." "They're just like people, aren't they Grandma?"
said
the little one. "How do you mean?" asked the Grandma. "Offer someone a helping hand," said the little girl,
"and they screw you every time!" #Is the little girl right or wrong #AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 11:26:32

484 Views



Satan's Sister [Read it]


One Sunday morning, Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon, everyone was gone, except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-10-14 11:08:20

465 Views




‘Yes,’ Angela said. ‘Margaret told me about her. Her name was Nkemdilim. She was just eighteen. She died the same day she delivered him.’

‘God!’

Angela nodded. ‘You see now why Margaret loved him so much. She spoiled him, never went anywhere without him. You never could guess he did not come from her womb. We were very close, but I never knew till she told me.’

‘How was she able to nurse babies she didn’t give birth to?’

‘It was easy. The girl goes home with her as a nanny. She would stay for a year or two, at which time breast-feeding would have stopped.’

‘And the husband never found out?’

‘Never. And he never would have had your father not written those letters.’

‘What of Nnanna?’

‘What about him?’

‘Who is his mother?’

For long, Angela was silent.

‘Mum?’ Adaeze called.

‘I think you’ve already met her,’ Angela said, finally.

Adaeze’s eyes on her mother came a little wider. ‘Who?’

‘Loretta.’

Adaeze lost a breath in surprise, her eyes fixed on Angela.

Angela nodded. ‘She overheard Margaret and I discussing. She later came into my room and told me that she was pregnant. She initiated the bargain.’

‘How was she able to stay pregnant in the house while daddy was there?’

‘She didn’t. She lied to your father that her mother died and I personally granted her a year leave. She stayed in the apartment I rented for her.’

Adaeze rubbed her face over with her palms. ‘Did you ever ask her who was responsible?’

‘For her pregnancy?’

‘Yes.’

Angela shook her head.

‘You didn’t?’

‘No.’

***

Loretta took a breath, gripped the door handle and pushed it open.

On the bed where he was, Nnanna’s eyes ran to her.

‘Hey,’ Loretta said.

‘Who are you?’ Nnanna said.

‘Come on, it’s not that long that I stopped working in your home.’

‘You are the maid.’

‘Used to be,’ Loretta corrected him.

Nnanna stared as she walked closer. ‘The doctor told me you’ve been discharged.’

‘Yes.’

‘So?’

‘I have nowhere to go.’

‘Don’t be silly, stand up and let’s go claim what is rightfully yours.’

Nnanna’s eyes ran to the woman. ‘What are you saying?’

‘Stand,’ Loretta said, moving to pack Nnanna’s things.

Nnanna was slow to move still.

Loretta turned to him. ‘Don’t you dare play the stubborn games with your mother too, now rise from that bed and put on your shirt! We have work to do!’

>>

"Knock knock knock!"


Chibuzo: Who's that?


JW: We are the Jehovah Witnesses.


Chibuzo: (no answer)


"Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock!"


Chibuzo: Nobody is at home!


JW: But someone is answering.


Chibuzo: Yeah, it's the dog.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-01-15 16:03:06

173 Views



BB WAHALA [Read it]


Joke of the day. Akpos: hello who dey call?
Jennifa: it's me Jennifa!
Akpos: Jenni Babe! U remember
my side today?
Jennifa: u know that I'm the
caring type but school wouldn't
allow me visit u. Where are u? And
what are u doing?
Akpos: I dey chill for town! I dey
on BB right now!
Jennifa: u are a bigger boy now
Oooooh!
Akpos: na the levels be that!
Always on BB level
Jennifa: Do u know what Today's
date is?
Akpos: not at all!
Jennifa: U are not caring at all!
U've forgotten thattoday is my
Birthday!
Akpos: I dey sorry Jenni! Na wetin
make u call me be that?
Jennifa: just want to invite u over
to my hostel to make my day!
Akpos: that one na small thing na!
Jennifa: Ehen! Get me something
special Oooh!
Akpos: like wetin?
Jennifa: I want to be on BB also!
Akpos: that one na small level for
me to arrange! AFTER 3 Hours
Akpos Arrived with a brown
paper bag with 4 corner shape!
Jennifa: JEZZZZ!!! I guess it's
Bold5!
Akpos: shey na becos of BB u dey
shout like this? She gave Akpos
everything he wanted! AFTER
EVERYTHING-
Akpos: Jenni Babe! I wan move!
Take ur BB
Jennifa: let me see u off fast, can't
wait to see my BB!
AFTER 10 Minutes Akpos Phone
Rings-
Clara: hello Mr Akpos, ur Gal friend
fainted just now after opening a
brown paper bag that contains
Bread and Beans
Akpos: Na still BB na!
Hapi val 2 u all


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-02-14 21:16:37

620 Views




My dad left later in the day, I locked myself
inside
my room and didn’t even bother to check
on my
mum…all I could utter during when I was in
the
room was “am completely finish”. I stayed
in the
room all through till evening thinking about
the
beginning and how the end will be…..i
couldn’t stop
but continue to call Biola, I sent series of
text
messages but she never responded, I
solicited for
just 5mins to explain myself but all fell on
her deaf
ears……she later switched off her phone
later in the
night.
Around 9pm, I heard a knock on my door
but I
didn’t answer until I heard my mum’s voice
instructing me to open the door..i opened
the door
to her and she sat on my bed while I close
the door
Mum: Oko mi (My husband)…watz the
problem……..why did u lock yourself in? u
are even
crying..
Me: nothing Mummy…………….
Mum: You cant tell me nothing…am your
mother
and I know you very well..you can confide in
me
oko mi
Me: Sincerely there’s nothing…is not
beyond what I
can handle mum
Mum: I know it all boils down to the issue
of this
pregnancy but you don’t need to worry
yourself..you have to be a man for
once..even
though am a bit disappointed as we
shouldn’t
encourage pregnancy before tying the knot
but it
has happened already..we have to forge
ahead. But
am surprise am meeting her for the first
time and
when did you start the relationship with
her? What
of Biola
Me: That’s the problem mummy….
Mum: You mean Biola……………
Me: No…this devil call Mary
Mum: How Oko mi…please talk to me dear
Me: Our relationship is not more than a
month…..Biola caught us red handed and
coming in
this afternoon was the 1st time she told me
she
was pregnant………………
Mum: One month? You mean you guys
knew each
other not more than a month ago and
she’s
pregnant for you already? How come?
Me: The thing is this Ma…u know I told you
I was
going to my school to process my
certificate
sometimes ago
Mum: Yes I remembered, that I even ask
you to
find out about admission for your sister
Me: I met her at our faculty that very day
and one
thing led to the other we started talking..i
gave her
a lift that day and without hesitation, we
ended in
my house…..she has been there ever since
that day
and have not gone back to her own house
for more
than a month now
Mum: Ahn…ahn…..how is that possible,
didn’t Biola
come to visit you during this period
Me: She came…that’s why I said she is a
devil…is
like the devil deliberately planted her into
my
life..initially, what I wanted to do was a one
off
thing and let her go cos I made her realized
from
inception that I have a girlfriend and I love
her so
much……am not ready to compromise my
love for
her
Mum: You are not ready to compromise but
you
can have s*x with another lady abi? Am
listening…
what now happened
Me: She perfected her plan so well and
convinced
Biola that we are cousin staying in Ibadan
and that
she only came to do something in Lagos as
she will
be spending just some few days but this
coincided
with Biola’s leave which she decided to
spend her
two weeks leave here..so she convinced
Biola to
the core that both were staying under this
roof
Mum: and you accepted by sleeping with
both of
them under your roof without Biola’s
knowledge
Me: uhmmmmmm
Mum: uhmmmmm wat? Yes or No
Me: Yes but it wasn’t my fault as I don’t
want
Biola to know the truth and was expecting
she will
leave once Biola will be through with her
own leave
too…I want to keep it a secret, I don’t want
to lose
Biola but she kept blackmailing me into
sleeping
with her too
Mum: and did u protect yourself during this
time…..
Me: Sometimes…not all the time
Mum: Now am getting it…so, what now
happened
to Biola
Me: both of them were supposed to leave
this
house this week but Biola caught us red
handed
yesterday making love to each other in the
sitting
room
Mum: Mogbe…….iwo omo deyi ti baye je
Me: I came in from their house this
morning and
she was not even ready to listen to
me….she
chased me out of their house
Mum: Nope…..she wont chase you…she will
serve
you drink and a plate of pepper
soup……….you see,
ejo o kin se teni ka ma mo da (A case will
never
be yours and you wont know how to judge
it)…
there’s no devil anywhere…iwo gang an
lesu (You
are the real devil)…….so, you can do all
these…..talo fi ti e jo?…

To Be Continued…



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother’s delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.“What have I done?” I asked.“Nothing,” the trooper said, smiling. “I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies.”Related

Akpos receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort
where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the
offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a
buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it
costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a
day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to
play a last round and stops by the pro shop and
charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he's checking out next morning, he looks at
the bill and sees: Golf: $1.00
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00 He asks the Manager, "What is this all about?
Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you
charged me three thousand for three golf balls?" "I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't
read the fine print in our promotional brochure.
That's what our golf balls cost." "Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind
of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel
across the street and paid them a thousand dollars
a day for a room. At least I would've known what I
was paying for!" "That's right, sir, you could have, said the manager.
Over there they get you by the room. Over here we
get you by the balls!"#AoN


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-09-05 11:59:09

708 Views




Akpos and his friend Okon was about to travel for 12 months course in UK.
while at the airport, Okon received a text on his phone.
"Be reminded that if you don't recharge, make calls or send text with this your line for 3 months, your line will be blocked and can never be reactivated again."
After reading the text he said to Akpos "Did MTN send you text on line deactivation"
"No mind those people" Akpos replied.
12 months later, they both returned from UK.
Okon inserted his line and saw on his screen "Sim card blocked".
Akpos insert his own and there was full network.
Okon asked Akpos "How manage?"
Before Akpos could alter a word, a text came in from MTN
"This is to remind you that the 400 Naira Airtime you borrowed from us 12 months back is yet to be paid"


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-10-29 11:36:33

14841 Views




This situation was growing more
uncomfortable by the moment. While I was
extremely embarrassed, I was equally
aroused or so it seemed. “Its ok”, Beth
added, “ In fact, it turned me on to see a
man paying me attention.” Now I knew she
was exaggerating . Beth was beautiful and I
know guys hit on her all the time. “I doubt
that you are suffering from lack of
attention, Beth” I added. “Oh I get
attention” she said, “But not from decent
guys, just from guys who want a quick piece
of ass”. “I can get that from Lance anytime
I want.”
I noticed that she was beginning to squirm
a bit and had crossed her thighs very
tightly. I think she was as uncomfortable
as I was, at least I hoped she was. This
just was not the kind of conversation I
have had with any other woman then my wife.
In fact, I had only been with one woman my
entire life.
Then once again she spilled a bit of
information that could only have come from
Susan. “ I know watching a woman making
herself cum is big on your list of turn-
ons.” I told her I really couldn’t believe
that Susan had shared so much of our
personal life with her. She smiled this
almost evil grin and told me “Oh, I know a
lot more than that.”
Without much hesitation she quickly said “
Would you like to see a woman cum again ?”
My head was spinning trying to process all
this new information that was being thrown
at me. Both of my heads were thinking at
the same time, and the large one was having
a hard time keeping up with the small one.
“Beth”, I replied, “You’re my wife’s
sister, you’re married and we are actually
still family.” She looked at me with a
disappointed face and replied, “You don’t
find me attractive Jeff ?” My facial
expression must have answered the question
because she quickly followed up with,
“Then, what’s the problem ?” I thought
quickly for any answer I could find. “Beth,
I just think it would make things real
uncomfortable for us, now and in the
future.” She looked at me with those soft
eyes and said, “I’m not asking you to fuck
me, we both get ourselves off anyway,
what’s wrong with doing it together?”
I thought about this for a second, then
before I could respond she added, “How
about I start and if you feel like joining
in you can, if you start to feel
uncomfortable, you tell me to stop.” Once
again I thought about it, taking probably
longer than she would like, then replied “
Ok, but I still think this is a bad idea.”
Beth took another long drink of wine from
her glass, then leaned back on the sofa.
Her eyes were glued to mine, but her hands
were visibly shaking. Before I could ask
her if she was sure this is what she
wanted, she reached down to her jeans and
unbuttoned them. Without taking her eyes
off mine, she slowly slid the zipper down
all the way and open them up. I could see
the top of black lace panties peeking out
above the jeans. She slid one hand inside
her jeans and I could tell exactly when
they touched her pussy. Her head jerked
back, just a bit from the electricity of
the touch. By now, my cock was already
harder then it had been in years, begging
to be released. But I just was not sure
yet, what to do. Beth then lifted her hips
from the sofa and with a gentle tug, pulled
her jeans down her legs. It was as if
someone had knocked the wind out of me. I
was having a hard time breathing and I know
I was trembling. There sat this beautiful
young woman in a pair of sexy black lace
panties slowly rubbing herself through the
thin, sheer fabric. “Does, this excite you
Jeff?” I nodded yes, without hesitation.
“Then why don’t you do something about it.”
I shrugged and mumbled something
incoherently. “Well then, maybe you need a
little more visual arts”, she added. With
that she reached down and slowly pulled her
panties down to meet her jeans. She leaned
back and opened her legs to show me the
best sight I had seen in 8 long years. Her
pussy had small lips that were puffy and a
deep pink in color. Even from where I was
sitting, I could see the dampness between
them. She extended one finger from her
right hand, placed it on her swollen clit
and began to move in small but quick
circles. Her breathing was becoming shallow
and I could see her face getting a bit
flushed.
A few more seconds passed and she asked me
in a soft, deep voice, “If you’re gonna cum
with me, you better get started, because I
am not going to last long the first time.”
The first time, I thought ?
Very unsure of myself, I moved my hand down
to my jeans. At that point she gave me a
smile. Not just any smile. One that told me
this would be ok. I open my pants , then
with one motion, pulled them down along
with my boxers. My cock was rock hard and
standing at attention. “Oh, Jeff, show me
how you stroke your cock.” Beth moaned. I
wrapped my hand around my cock firmly and
started slowly moving up and down. Her eyes
were glued to my cock and mine to her
pussy. I guess she could tell by the
quickening of my strokes I was perhaps
rushing. “Not too fast” she said, “Enjoy
it, slow it down, let me cum once, then we
will cum together again.” I nodded ok, then
slowed down a bit and watched Beth. Her
finger speed increased and she started to
arch her back a bit. Even though its been a
while, I knew she was close. I asked her to
look at me. She tilted her head down a bit
and look me dead in the eyes. “Cum for me,
Beth, cum on that pretty hand of yours.” It
was like I flipped a switch to turn the
light on. “Oh my fucking God” she screamed.
“I’m fucking cumminggggggg.’
She bucked and twisted on her hand for what
seemed like a minute before she came back
down to earth. “Oh God, Jeff”, she moaned.
That was the best cum I have had in years.
“Although” she whispered, “I am a bit sorry
about the language.” I shook my head and
replied “ Its quite ok, Susan was always
very vocal when she had an orgasm”.
“Can you cum again ?”, I asked innocently.
“Oh yea, probably a few more times”, she
answered. This was new to me. While Susan
had never been the one to have orgasm
problems, she never came more than once in
a session. “How about you ?” Beth replied,
“You wanna cum with me this time ?” I
nodded my head yes.
She placed the two fingers that had just
been in her pussy in her mouth and sucked
on them slowly. She then lowered them back
between her legs and started rubbing her
clit again. First slowly, but constantly
increasing in speed, though not as urgent
as before. By now my cock was throbbing, my
balls swollen, ready to erupt. “I wanna see
you cum up close” , Beth told me. “Come sit
next to me over here.”
I got up and moved right next to her on the
sofa. As I sat down, my thigh was touching
her thigh and I could feel the heat her
body was giving off. We watched each other
for several minutes until it became
apparent to her I was not going to last
much longer. She leaned over to me and
softly whispered “ You wanna switch
hands ?” By this time I was too far gone to
even care anymore. “Oh God yes “, I
answered.
She took her right hand out of her pussy. I
could see the juices rolling off her
fingers. She wrapped it around my cock and
began a slow, methodical motion. I moved my
left hand down to her pussy. I slid my
finger easily inside her. She was
positively drenched. After a second of
fumbling, I found her clit. “Oh yea “ she
whispered, “Right there.” I began the rapid
circular motions that I know Susan liked,
but I was really out of practice. After a
few moment though, I seemed to get it
right. Beth started pumping my cock faster
and moving her hips. “Oh God, I’m close
again.” She turned her head and looked at
me and for once I took control. I leaned
over and pressed my lips to her in a long
deep kiss. Her tongue quickly found mine
and in a few mere moments, she was cumming
again. “Fuck” she screamed, “Cum nowwwww.
She was pounding my cock like a pro. All at
once it hit me. Beth arched her back once
more and cried out softly, “ Oh God its so
fucking good.” Before she barely finished
those words, I felt my body spasm and my
cock erupted shooting out wave after wave
of hot cum. Beth continued to stroke and
squeeze my cock until it was completely
dry. She leaned up and once again kissed me
long and deep. When our lips parted, she
smiled and asked, “Do you think this could
be a regular thing between us.” Somehow I
just can’t see why not.



NAIRAJOKES.COM




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The Bathtub Test:

During a visit 2 a ‘Mental Hospital’ journalist askd the Director: “How do u determine whthr 2 admit a patient or not?”

Director: “Well, we fill a Bathtub,

then v give a teaspoon, a teacup & a bucket to the patient & ask him to empty the Bathtub.”

The journalist said: “oh, a normal person would use the bucket coz its bigger, right!”

Director: “No! A normal person wud pull the Drain Plug”.

Now tell me which bed u want?:-P;-)Related

LASSA FEVER [Read it]


Because of lassa fever I have been
TURNING DOWN friend requests
from ladies bearing: basiRAT,
kubuRAT, kabiRAT, sikiRAT,
shakiRAT, monsuRAT, muniRAT,
etc.. Its not my fault am just being careful
2.
See the attendance of a church this
evening oooo
Total no. Of Human being in church -
70 Total no. Of Bibble brought to
church - 50
Total no. Of Charger in church - 159
Abeg shea na people wan enter
heaven or na charger.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-01-20 15:39:30

355 Views




A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road when her car breaks down.
She goes to the nearest farmhouse and knocks on the door.
When the farmer answers, she says to him, "My car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until I can get some help tomorrow?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
The blonde looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind the farmer.
"Okay," she says.
After going to bed, the woman begins to get a little hot thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."
She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.
Jed says, "Luke? You remember that blonde woman that came by here forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me neither," says Jed.
"Let's take these things off."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-12 09:55:33

15985 Views




My virgin story
Episode 6

When she left, after some time, Sandra came down from her bed and came towards Titi's corner where i sat. she rummaged through Titi's collection of magazines for a while, pretending to search for something. Then she looked up and saw me looking at her.
"You don't like me, do you" she asked.
"what are you talking about?"
she walked to me and sat down beside me on the bed. There was a friendly look in her eyes. for the first time I saw her smiling at me and that made me have a feeling that something special was going on.
" Don't pretent you like me when you shun me at every opportunity. you don't even answer me when I greet you. Have i offended you."
"No, I'm actually the one wondering why you snob me all the time. Actually I have nothing against you."
She smiled again then. She looked down, and played with her fingers as if she was shy. Sandra beeing shy infront of a guy, that was incredible. then she looked up and smiled at me in an attractive, sensual manner.
"Actually, I really like you but it seems you don't feel the same about me. I feel sad each time you ignore me and show love to my friend instead. I have been attracted to you since the first day i met you."
That was all I needed to hear for my body to spring to attention. I felt a tension in my groin immediately. readers you should understand that sandra was a very sensuous, seductive person who knew how to seduce a man. Her whole body was a turn on and she can deplore any part of her body to turn a man on at will. As she talked, I felt my body awakening, like a giant that had been sleeping for a long time.
"Let me make love to you Lekan, and you will see what a real man is like"
All the time i had spent with Titi, denying myself of the pleasure of sex crossed my mind and the desire to bleep sandra started growing. I was still thinking when i felt her move closer and I felt her breathe on my face. Then she kissed me. It was a deep, sensous kiss that made my blood very hot. all the thoughts of my girlfriend vanished instantly and all i wanted at that moment was to bleep this b----h. Then I hear footsteps approaching and we quickly broke the kiss. Titi came in and found us sitting side by side. she was happy that i was finally getting along with sandra not knowing what had happened. I felt guilty though, remembering all the love that titi had devoted to me. I decided I would not yield to Sandra's seduction as she might be testing me for Titi. That evening i was already on my way to my room when i felt a note in my pocket
'See you in your room tommorrow, by 6.pm'
The following day was a saturday. Titi had informed me that she was travelling to her hometown so she wasn't around. i could't sleep throughout the night. I kept thinking about Sandra's sexual advances and weighing them against how much love I have for Titi. I didn't know whether I should yield finally to sandra's seduction or refuse to cheat and lose a good bleep. Pictures of Sandra kept crossing my mind; the curves, the killer hips, the huge bosoms, the round, heavy booty. somehow, something began to tell me that I could bleep her and keep Titi from knowing. I ended by concluding that Sandra would not come as she was only joking with me and she would have had other big boys to think about and forget about me. I talked to my friend gentle about it and he just laughed it off and said she was probably joking. He said I should wait for her at that time and find out what she really wanted. My other two roommates had travelled. By 5:pm, gentle left the room, leaving me alone. Sandra came by 6:30 pm. As we greeted and I asked her to sit down, my heart was beating fast but I tried to be calm. She was wearing a mini skirt made of silky material and a tight top that showed her curves glaringly. I could see her nipples pointing out through the fabric of the top and it was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. I realized that she was really serious and somehow I knew I would not be able to stop her. She was a seductress, an enchantress. As I watched her sipping the bottle of coke I gave her, she looked at me and winked.
"You are looking very sexy."she remarked in an enchanting, sexy voice and I felt my heart melting. She stood up and came towards me. She motioned in the direction of the door and I quickly locked it. I knew what she was doing to me but I couldn't stop her.
"Sit down and relax, am just here to play with you."
I wanted to say something but it got stuck in my throat. I sat down on my bed as she commanded. The thoughts of Titi were fading fast from my mind. She came to the bed and sat on my laps, facing me and straddling me with her two legs on either side. I felt the smooth thick flesh of her bum-bum on my laps and my Jman sprang to attention.
That move killed every atom of resistance within me. All that was on my mind was that today I was going to be disvirgined, I would finally enter Babylon after several years of laying siege to the city. Then she kissed me. I ate her lips as if I was hungry and i hadn't eaten for days. i was hungry, hungry for sex. Every sexual feeling that had been dormant in me suddenly awoke and started manifesting. As we kissed, she was caressing my body. My hands strayed to her bum and started kneading and fumbling. I used my two hands to shift her skirt up. Then my right hand started rubbing her laps. Her hands were roaming all over my body, even as we kissed. I broke this kiss for a moment to remove my singlet and her top. The sight of her topless chest sent sexual shivers down my spine. I found myself staring at two huge, round, ripe oranges with taut nipples pointing at me invitingly. The boobs were big, I didn't hesitate to set my mouth on those unmentionables. I sucked, licked,bit, flicked, rubbed, caressed, fondled, and juggled those tits, there was nothing I didn't do to them. Then, while still busy with my mouth, my hands strayed under her skirt, up her thighs. I slipped my right hand through her panties and felt her naked bum. At this time she was moaning, making low, soft sounds of pleasure. She started rolling her bum on my laps so as to stimulate my stiff instrument. After fondling her bum for a while, I slipped a finger inside the kitty. I first felt the clit, I rubbed gently on it, then roll it in between two fingers. Then I deeped the finger inside the kitty. The interior was soft, warm and wet. By now Sanda was moaning loudly, obviously enjoying what I was doing to her. In my mind I wanted to bleep her so much she would never forget me in her life. But I wanted her to beg for it and then I would pound her till her kitty gets sore. I started fingering her, first with my index finger while sucking her unmentionables. She was moaning teribbly
"Uh, hah, baby. Please I need more."she moaned into my ears. I inserted another finger and continued fingering. Her p----33y was now very wet yet she wanted more. I inserted two more fingers and dug in. She screamed in ecstacy as she came and my hand was bathed in her come. I brought out my hand and wiped her wet come on her chest. She was in a desperate mood now. She looked at me with surprise, as if she was shocked I could make love this good. She quickly slipped off my laps which were already getting painful now. Before I knew it, she pulled off my trousers, knelt down before me and had my Jman in her hands. She started stroking the ramrod stiff instrument, lingering around the cap to concentrate sensations. Then she plunged it into her mouth, nearly taking me in completely(I have an average d---k, not a goliath).
Oh my God, the feeling was sensational. Audience this was my first BJ and I had no idea how sweet it was until I felt my equipment being licked and sucked by this vixen. It was as if all the pleasures in this world had concentrated on my d---k as she sucked and rolled her tongue on the cap. I must confess she is really good. It was so sweet that I came in her mouth. She wasn't offended, she quicly spat the cum out into a nearby bucket but part of it was still hanging on her face. Seeing that come all over her face made me more horny.
"Lekan, Please I want you inside me now."she pleaded. She was sexually high. I thought in my mind "Not yet baby, am still gonna do things to you that will make you beg more."
I carried her and dumped her on the bed. I deftly removed her pant and hitched up her skirt, bringing me face to face with her pulsating, wet, deep kitty. I moved closer, preparing to plunge my face into that kitty and suck the living daylight out of the b---h.
My eyes caught the window as I moved closer and I saw somebody at the window looking at me.
Readers, can you guess who it was?
To be continued

>>

Hw many of us knw dat d chinese do speak pigin.ok if u dnt i will prove it.Wen i was in china a kungfu aprentice said to his master:
kungfu Aprentice:master i have somone i wanna deal with he spat on my shadow twenty yrs ago his name is liu
MASTER: ok but wat if liu's kungfu is stronger dan urs anyway u cn go.so d aprentice went away in search of liu nd wen he found him he said
Apprentice:liu am here to finish u fr spitin on my shadow 20 yrs ago
LIU: me 2 am here to kill u fr goin tru d frnt of my house nd not greetin my dad nd granpa
so dey started fightin nd after fightin liu beat up d apprentice nd den d apprentice ran back to his master nd said:
APPRENTICE;master lius kungfu is so good its so gud nd strong he almost killed me,
MASTER:EHN KUKU GO MEET AM MAKE HE KILL U FINISH.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-06-24 20:24:09

477 Views




Million Dollar Truth:

If Saturday and Sunday don’t excite you, then change your friends.

If Monday doesn’t motivate you, then change your profession.

If Monday is too exciting and you are dying to get to work then you should change your spouse!Related

A governor attended a church service. After the
pastor had spent hours preaching on repentance,
he made an alter call but nobody responded. He
made the alter call again and this time, only a
young lady raised up her hand ready to receive
the gospel
Surprisingly, the governor stood up, went to the
altar and wrote the young lady a ten million
naira check for her courage. He then advised
others to summon theirs.
After advising the congregation to do the same,
the whole church raised up their hands to give
their lives to Jesus. When he turned to give the
pastor the mic, he was surprised to see the
pastor raising his own hands too!


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2014-10-28 15:03:38

266 Views




Luke: you right;(he take a bottle and another)
Loveth: you see what i am saying
Luke: how did you know that?
Loveth: even a baby knows that;so don't tell me you don't know that also
Luke: anyway;why are you here?
Loveth: i have a lot on my head
Luke: but you are a woman
Loveth: i didn't see anywhere in the bible;were God said,'women are free of problem' unless you want to tell me that God communicate that information to you
Luke: you are funny?
Loveth: i am not a comedian
Luke: (he take in more)but why are you here?
Loveth: you are such a drunk(she count the bottles)all this;just for you only
Luke: and you are not better off than me(he also count her bottles)i just have two bottles more than you
Loveth: but i came here first
Luke: and i am a man;so i should be able to take more than you
Loveth: really;but you dont look like a control freak
Luke: being a man doesn't mean i should order people around
Loveth: that is what i like
Luke: hmm;so
Loveth: i know you want to know;my prefect shoe
Luke: what do you mean by;my perfect shoe?
Loveth: when i was growing up;i have this book;that says;everyone has a perfect shoe;that once you buy an undersized shoe you struggle with the pains it cause;even if the shoe is beautiful;expensive and when it is over size be ready to drag your foot and endure the embarrassment but when it is just your size;there will be no pain;no dragging;just perfect(she raise her leg)
Luke: but it is easy to get it?
Loveth: who said so?if it is that easy why are there so many pains
Luke: you really dont have problem
Loveth: so you think;you are not listening to me;my mom is on my neck for me to get a prefect shoe and because of that she is so worried sick that she is ready to give me out if i don't get one
Luke: your mom is funny;why will she be worried about a full grown woman pairs of shoe
Loveth: what is wrong with this boy?what is your profession?
Luke: i am a doctor
Loveth: no wonder;all doctors have birdbrain;here i am taking about...
Luke: marriage?
Loveth: oh...
Luke: like your future husband?you want him to be perfect;the shoe is marriage;so your perfect shoe is the man that will place a ring on your finger;not just any man but the one that wouldn't hurt you;am i right?
Loveth: i take back what i said(she kissed him)you are so ingenious(he open his eyes wide)
Loveth: it is nothing(she clean his lips)you enjoyed yourself;right?
Luke: What?i didn't enjoyed it
Loveth: so you are just drinking without enjoying?
Luke: oh! i thought you were saying something else
Loveth: like what?
Luke: like(he point to her lip)
Loveth: what is that?is there something on my lips?
Luke: no;i meant..just forget about it
Loveth: if you say so;i got to go and look for my prefect shoe
Luke: what if i marry you?
Loveth: you are such a clown;
Luke: i am serious?
Loveth: like seriously
Luke: hmm
Loveth: you barely know me
Luke: you don't have to know me before getting married to me and beside we have been talking close to hours now;so are we friends now
Loveth: you right;so do you really want to marry me?
Luke: of cause(he smiled)
Loveth: then lets go to my mom
Luke: you are the clown here not me(he laughed)just kidding;you really want to get married to a stranger
Loveth: i just want to get married to anything;even monkey;Ape but not a dog(they both laughed)what about you? are you married?
Luke: why?
Loveth: is simply because i cant find any ring on your finger too
Luke: do you want to put one on it(laughing continued)
Loveth: i am a lady not a man;so go and put a ring on your finger yourself my dragging the right woman to the altar;or maybe your mom doesn't bothered you
Luke: my mom is hell on earth;is like a nightmare i don't want to wake up to it
Loveth: then lets toast to our awaiting future prison mate and to our crazy seekers of grandkids(they hit the bottles together and laughed)
Luke: i got to go and you don't you want to go home?
Loveth: no not yet;i just want my mom to be far in dream land when i got home;so i can sleep peacefully without anyone saying'go get married;i dont want you to remain single till menopause'
Luke: you crazy lets go(he dragged her and walked together)freedom at last
Loveth: freedom to do anything we feel like(curtain)
Vivian: good day ma;what where you saying over the phone?
Grace: i can't find your friend
Vivian: which of my friend?
Grace: fish brain;my daughter
Vivian: Loveth?
Grace: what is wrong with this girl?how many daughter do i have?
Vivian: sorry ma;
Grace: better;my daughter didn't returned home yesterday;so have to call you;if you know where she is?
Vivian: i don't ma
Grace: where in God's name is she?
Vivian: but she doesn't keep any other friend except me and Darling and Darling travelled
Grace: oh my daughter;(enter Loveth)i think i have to inform the police
Loveth: mom;no need for that because i am here already(she hugged her)good morning mom and Vivian what are you doing here?
Vivian: your mom was worried sick about you and your number is not going through;so i decided to come see her
Loveth: sorry;i just switch it off(her mouth smell alcohol)
Grace: where have you been?
Loveth: no mom its just a few bottles;i had with some friend
Grace: i asked you to get married not to go spent the night in some boys place;i didn't train you to become a prostitute and not one who misused alcohol
Loveth: mom;please give me a break
Grace: definitely and your dad must know about this(exit Grace)
Vivian: but what were you thinking spending the night in a boy's house
Loveth: please;just let me be
Vivian: i will leave since i am not needed
Loveth: bye;just leave
Vivian: i really dont blame you;excuse me(exit Vivian)
Loveth: annoying people(curtain)
Alex: hello; Luke
Luke: hey man;what are you doing here
Alex: i came to see you
Luke: i hope you are not here to patronize me
Alex: over what?
Luke: don't tell me;my mom called you
Alex: i didn't come here for that but after i finish discussing what brought me here;we will talk about it
Luke: whatever;why are you here
Alex: i am here to talk about my friend Abraham
Luke: you have a friend apart from me
Alex: is not like my friend but he need your help
Luke: fine;where is he?
Alex: hold on;she will soon be here
Luke: she
Alex: yes;she;do you have a problem with that?(enter Abraham)here he comes
Luke: i thought you said she
Alex: i told you my friend is Abraham and i said she and you said she;so i agree
Luke: alright
Alex: Abraham meet Luke my friend and he is a doctor
Luke: nice meeting you;what is it?
Abraham: my girlfriend is pregnant so i want a doctor that we make it a secret
Luke: why should it be a secret?
Abraham: is because i have a wife
Luke: you have wife and your girlfriend is pregnant for you?
Alex: man will you just shut up
Luke: sorry
Abraham: is just that is all a mistake
Luke: alright;just tell her come;when she is ready
Abraham: thanks;i will tell her(exit Abraham)
Luke: men of nowadays?
Alex: what did you mean by that?
Luke: i just cant help but wonder; why a man should cheat on his wife
Alex: talking about wife;where did you spent the night
Luke: at my house;i just have some drinks
Alex: with who?
Luke: with some girl(he open his eyes to the end)will you stop;i just met her at the bar and she is fun to be with
Alex: that is interesting;how come you are finding a lady interesting
Luke: will you stop it;i just like her being and we kept talking and talking and then....
Alex: then..
Luke: is just that nothing....
Alex: go on tell me
Luke: fine;she kissed me
Alex: she is a flirt
Luke: no;she is not
Alex: really




TO BE CONTINUED.....


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near
his farm. When the police arrived, they asked the
farmer what happened.
.
Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried
all of them.
One of the police men asked with shock; "are you
sure they were all dead"?
.
Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are
still alive".
But I couldn't believe them.
You know, these politicians. They can lie.


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-11 10:06:00

351 Views




Akpos and his wife have gone to bed.
After laying there a few minutes Akpos farts and says,"Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "Whats that for?"
Akpos replied, "It`s fart football!"
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says - "equalized!"
After about five minutes Akpos farts again and says - "Touchdown, I`m ahead 14 to 7!"
Not to be defeated, the wife release another one and says, - "equalized!"
Five seconds she discharged another on and says - "wining goal 21 to 14!"
Now the pressure is on and Akpos refuses to get beat by a woman so he pushed real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poo hot shit on the bed. The wife looks and says, "O shit! What was that for?"
Akpos replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
The wife surrender



NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-03-23 07:23:49

2616 Views




Unbeatable Baniya…



Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha mar gaya hai,

obituary ke kya

charges honge?

Newspaper: Rs.50 per word.

Baniya : Oh bahut zyaada hain, Achha likho “Chacha Guzar Gaye”

Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!

Baniya : Oh ho! Zara sochne do….. Achha likho……. ……… .

Chacha Guzar Gaye – Maruti for SaleRelated

Wong Family [Read it]


Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby girl.
"Congratulations!' says the nurse to the new parents. "Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?"
The puzzled father looks at his new baby girl and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name her Sum Ting Wong."


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2016-02-20 13:33:37

250 Views




It wasn't long before Grey walked into the kitchen. The sight of him usually made me smile but after deciding what I was going to do it made me hurt especially when he smiled at me showing off his dimples. "Hey," he said as he dropped into the empty chair beside me. My father and brother had left so it was only us and my mom.

I averted my eyes from Grey. I didn't want him to see that there was something wrong.

His hand covered mine.

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded my head as I lifted my eyes to his. Giving him a smile that I didn't feel I was trying my best not to let him see the sadness I was fighting inside.

His eyes searched mine before he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me closer. I felt a funny feeling in my arm and I looked down at my hand. It felt like a fuzzy pins and needles feeling that spread up my arm from my hand. I flexed it and shook my hand hoping for it go away.

"What's wrong?" Grey asked beside me.

"I've got pins and needles in my arm," I said. I saw the fear in his eyes before he swept it under a mask. Taking my arm into his hands he rubbed it hoping to help.

I could feel my time slipping through my fingers. The side effects were happening more often which meant it was still growing.

After a few minutes my arms returned to normal. The doorbell rang. I hadn't been expecting anyone and I looked to my mom.

"I'm not expecting anyone," she answered.

I got up and walked of the front door. It was Link.

"Hi Lacey," he said and I smiled. He looked preoccupied and agitated.

"Hi," I greeted him and I stepped back so he could enter.

"Is he here?" he asked and I nodded my head. I shut the front door and led the way to the kitchen.

At the sight of Link Grey's jaw tightened. He wasn't happy to see his bandmate.

"Hi," Link greeted my mom before turning his attention to Grey who had risen and was standing by the table. The atmosphere was strained as a look I couldn't decipher passed between the two of them.

"We can talk in the living room," Grey informed Link and I watched them leave the room. I but my lip wondering how their talk was going to go.

"What's that about?" my mom asked and I shrugged. I didn't want to admit to my mom that I'd eavesdropped on their conversation so it was easier to pretend I didn't know.

Link was here to talk some sense into him and I hoped that he succeeded. I sat down at the kitchen table for a few minutes sipping some tea. Sounds of heated voices pulled my attention to my mom who frowned.

"I'll go," I said to my mom. This was about me and I'd hoped that they would have sorted it without me but clearly that wasn't happening. The closer I got the louder the voices were.

"I don't have to explain anything!" Grey said angrily.

"How can you say that?" Link shot back sounding exasperated with his friend.

"Look I wouldn't do this if I didn't have a good reason," Grey tried to explain. Did he not want to tell Link about me? Was it his way of protecting me?

"I don't understand. Why are you bailing on us?" Link asked not happy with the lack of details.

I hesitated by the doorway debating if it was a good idea to interfere or not. The fact was my illness was my secret to share with whoever I wanted.

When I made the decision to walk into the room they both looked to me.

"What's going on?" I asked not wanting to reveal I already knew. Grey ran a hand through his hair as he looked away briefly. He wasn't happy for me to know. I looked to Link for the answer.

"He won't do an appearance tonight," he revealed and shot Grey a look.

"Why?" I asked Grey who had his eyes fixed on me.

He didn't answer straight away. It was like he was trying to figure out what to say. Just when I thought he was going to answer he pressed his lips together refusing to answer.

"Does it have something to do with this?" Link asked shoving a magazine into Grey's hands. The shock on his face made me step closer to see the cover on the magazine.

Is Adonis Grayson sick? The picture that accompanied the headline was of Grey walking out of the specialist's office. I was shocked. I'd been there and I'd never seen a photographer taking pictures. There had been a few fans but that had been it.

Grey was watched my reaction before he handed the magazine back to Link.

"It's just someone trying to make headlines."

His bandmate studied him for moment but he didn't looked convinced.

"If you hadn't been acting so weird I might have agreed with you," Link said to Grey.

It was time for me to reveal my secret.

"It's me," I said softly.

"You don't need to-," Grey tried to argue but I cut him off.

"I do," I insisted. Link frowned. His eyes going from Grey to me.

"I'm sick," I said to him. Grey wrapped his arm me and held me close. "I've got a brain tumor."

"I'm sorry," Link said stepping back as the shock of my news hit him. I gave him a nod. There was nothing anyone could say that could make it better.

Link stepped forward and hugged me. It was hard not to feel emotional when he looked so shocked and concerned.

"I'm sorry man," Link said to Grey when he pulled away.

"It wasn't my secret to tell," he answered taking my hand into his.

"How bad is it?" Link asked and the look Grey shot him made him take a step back.

"I have to have surgery to remove it."

Saying it out aloud made it more real and a lot more scarier.

Grey gave him a brief run down of what the specialist had said. His friend's eyes shot to me and I could see the realisation hit him that there was a very good chance I wasn't going to make it.

"I'm so sorry," he said softly. "If you need anything you let me know. I'm only ever one phone call away."

I swallowed my emotions that threatened to break free at his sweet words. I nodded gently trying to keep myself from crying. Grey hugged me and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"You take whatever time you need," Link said to Grey and Grey nodded. "We can handle it."

"Thanks."

Link left leaving Grey and I alone in the living room.

"You okay?" he asked tilting my face up to his.

I swallowed the rest of my emotions down and nodded. I wasn't okay. The appointment with the specialist and having to cut Grey free weighed down on my shoulders but I gave him a weak smile to reassure him.

He seemed to be convinced because we went back to the kitchen so he could eat breakfast. Afterward he left to home to have a quick shower. Preoccupied with my thoughts I went upstairs to have a shower and get cleaned up.

I was in the shower rinsing the soap from my body when I felt a wave of dizziness so I leaned against the tiles until my world stopped spinning. My temple began to throb slightly and I slid down to sit in the shower. Feeling a little frightened I tried to stand up again but I didn't feel steady on my feet. It was like I felt drunk.

Carefully I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. I managed to make it to my bed before I sat down. Feeling frightened I took a deep breath and released it. I stood up and this time I felt steadier so I got dressed.


NAIRAJOKES.COM




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Winners make goals, losers make excuses.Related

Paul got home and began to apply the soap and lotion. At the
first week, he noticed that he suddenly finds prayer and bible
reading boring. Each time he makes attempt to have a quiet time, it always seems to be boring to him. This continued for 4weeks. On the second month, he stopped hearing the quiet voices of God which he normally
heard and he never bothered about it. On the third month. Paul
finds it difficult to attend church
programmes. He started by going to church late on sundays.
Gradually, he began to miss weekly services and before the end of the fifth month after
visiting baba with his friends, paul had stopped attending
church on sundays. His church members and elders in lagos who always knew him to be a dedicated and fervent Christian
began to complain and worry over his sudden change in
religious attitude. Instead of paul to reason with them, he fought his church members and he
angrily stopped to be a member of the church. All through this five months, there was no sign or
traces of job but his friends keeps assuring him that job would come. “Since it worked for us, then it will work for you” one of his friends said.
At the sixth month. Paul was struck with a unknown attack.
He began to bed wet. Whenever he sleeps, the whole mattress
would be soaked with urine before daybreak. His friend were worried about it but there is nothing they could do to stop it, at the eighth month, it got worse
that paul would pass urine in his trousers in the day break
without him noticing it until his trouser gets wet. This happens to him mostly in public places.
Paul was so embarrassed and
disgraced that the whole neighbourhood was aware of it that paul is a daytime-bed wetter.
“This paul issue isn’t ordinary. I think we should visit baba”, one of his friend said. “I think you are right, we should go there
tomorrow morning” the other friend replied. They all left for baba in the following morning.
“Baba, may you live long sir, here is our friend paul, he had been bed wetting for months sir” says one of his friends. Baba replied ” haba, and you can’t bring him to
me all this while?, anyway, take this ointment and apply it on his body every night before you
sleep. May the gods of my forefathers be with him”. They all
left and returned home. 3days after using the ointment, paul was healed of his bed wetting and everyone was happy. But 2days later, he was struck with
epilepsy.
Paul would suddenly fall down and started vomiting foam-like
substances out of his mouth while shaking and rolling on the
floor. On this latest development, his friends couldn’t bear it and they sent him packing. Paul took
his belongings and returned to his parents with the ailment.
****************NAIRAJOKES.com************
Paul returned to his family. He Was been carried from one hospital to another, from one
physician to another but no cure. His parents tried many specialists and churches and yet, there was no cure. Third month after paul’s arrival to his family, he started developing mental problem. Paul would be normal for one
moment, at the other moment, he would be behaving funny. He would started laughing and
displaying funny act.. Paul suffered these ailments for the next 9 months with no cure.
The members of his church raised prayers for him. His family had series of vigils until he was
cured after 2 years of staying with his family.
Paul realised his mistakes, he knew it that he had compromised his God, he knew it that he wasn’t standing right with God again. He wept and cried unto God for forgiveness of His sins. He re-dedicated his life To christ and began to grow Again spiritually.
TBC

>>

Wife: "How would you
describe me?"
Husband:
"ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that
mean?"
Husband: "Adorable,
beautiful, cute,
delightful, elegant,
fashionable, gorgeous,
and hot."
Wife: "Aw, thank you,
but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just
kidding!"#CtB
#B-goF


NAIRAJOKES.COM







2015-12-02 16:29:04

704 Views




I stood up, went to the bathroom, i wash my face and clean it with a towel, i went back to the bedroom, tap Amina, she opened her eyes and the next statement from me was “where are we?”, you are awake, good morning, she responded. “where are we Aminat” i asked again.
Amina: We are in Bode’s place, we couldn’t go to our hostel yesterday so, we had to follow him here and we will be going later today
Me: Okay..where is my cloth?
Amina: cloth ke? You are asking for your cloth after you fumbled
Me: what happened
Amina: you vomited on your cloth jhoor….thank God it was outside by the gate you vomited to before i took you in, shower for you
Me: You bath me?
Amina: “laughing” Olodo, i bath you…you were just saying so many jargons, in fact, i barely put you on bed that you passed out
Me: Its not my fault jare…
Amina: Yeah, i know..its allowed, i told my guy its your first time so he also understand
Me: uhmm..uhmmm, lets i forget, who is Bode to you and what’s he into?
Amina: What he is into ke? He is a student just like us now
Me: student ke?
Amina: yes but you know student have classes. He is a family friend, his father and my dad were close friends in the military before they retired and they are still friends up till now. His dad was a former military governor in one of the northern state and he is a student of Business Administration in Al-Hikmah University, 300level
Me: Oh…oh
Amina: This place we are is one of his father’s house in this town, his father has so many houses here in Ilorin and other state
Me: But why is he bearing Bode? Is he a Christian?
Aminat: No oooo…he is a muslim, what is that his muslim name sef, Razaq……but i use to call him rasaki anytime am looking for his trouble
Me: okay..money is good oooo
Aminat: You can say that again..so, how are you feeling now?
Me: still feeling slight headache and am seriously hungry
Aminat: Dont worry, the headache will go after you eat
Me: so, what happened yester night? Where are the other guys, how did you get me home
Amina: the other guys are children of top politicians too in this town, they have gone to their houses and i believe rasaki should be in the sitting room or somewhere around
Me: okay…whats up with the kissing with the other lady yesterday
Amina: Forget that one jare Rahman, lets assume that part never happened, it was just to spice up the environment..hope you enjoyed yourself yester night sha
Me: Sure…i did enjoy myself
Amina: Dont worry, we will try it one more time again, maybe next week…
Me: Iro, i no dey do again for now..maybe next month abeg
Amina: “laughing” ole oshi
Me: thank you, abeg i dey hungry seriously and i don’t even have anything to wear
Amina: Am coming, let me go and check on Bode
Aminat stepped out of the room and i started thinking about all what happened, i started thinking of the beginning between me and Aminat. Initially, i thought Aisha was spoiling my life but with the way am going with Aminat, it seems she will be the one that will destroy my life if care is not taken.
I was still thinking when Aminat and Bode walked into the room, holding a glass, “brother mi, how far now? How body now” he asked. I told him am fine, he said someone is bringing another cloth for me as they already sent someone to buy me another jean and cloth. He requested i should come to the sitting room which i did with just my boxer on because he was putting on just boxers too.
I went to the sitting room with them and the other lady was still around too, she was watching film with a glass cup in her hand. They offered me a glass cup too and before i could reject, he already pour it in the cup. “brother mi, the truth is were ni a fi nwo were (is madness we use in curing madness), as this drink defeated you yesterday, you have to continue drinking it till you are used to it. Food is coming too, someone is bringing food for us from Iya yusuf because what me i want to eat is Amala and that was what i asked her to get for all of us.
I started sipping the drink again and it was normal in my mouth this time around, food was brought in like an hour later, Aminat dished ours in a plate and we eat. They later brought two jean for me and two TM shirt too, i guess Amina was the one that told them my size. I thought we will be going home later in the evening but Bode convince us to stay behind till Sunday since we have nothing to do on Sunday.

To Be Continued...

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