#Hindi Jokes Hashtag:


One of our politicians visited another American politician’s house.

The house was amazing so the Indian politician asked- “itnaa accha ghar kaise?”

American politician : “wo samne bridge dikh rha hai?”

Indian politician : “Haan”

American politician : “10% usme se” :

Then…

American politician visited the indian politician’s house— which was even better.

American : “itna badaa aur awesome ghar! Kaise?”

Indian : “wo samne bridge dikh raha hai?”

American : “Nahi”

Indian : “hahaha..”Related

Umpire: No Ball



Nehra: But my foot was inside the line



Umpire: Par daant to bahar tha na Faawde…Related

Pappu in fire brigade…:p

Lady called:”Mere ghar

mein aag lagi

hai..!!

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Pappu:”pani dalo pani… .

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Lady:”Pani dala hai per

aag phir bhi

nahin bhuji..

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Pappu:”Phir hum akar

kya krenge, hum

bhi to pani hi dalte

hein… :p :ORelated

GYAN GANGA.

1)Dog road pr ulta pada tha to log uski pooja krne lage,
Q?
Qki DOG ka ulta is GOD.

1 or

2)Mare hue insan k muh me kya daloge?
Birla Cement,
Qki
“IS CEMENT ME JAAN HAI”

1 or

3)Wat is the cube of 13
Ans.- Suroor,
coz
TERA*TERA*TERA = SUROOR

“Chalo 1 aur”

4)Wat wud u cal a girl who never laughs?
HASI-NAA.

“bas 1 or”

5)Why a heart broken person doesnt need general knowldge?

Qki jab dil hi toot gaya to “GK” kya karega.

“pakka last”

6)Agar 2 peepal k ped ko rassi se baandh diya jaye to rassi ko kya kahenge?
NOKIA- Connecting “PEEPAL”Related

Girl who has put her status “baby doll mein sone di” on whatsapp cannot be trusted ????Related

Global Warming

warning:” Our next

generations will not be

able to see polar bears

and tigers..

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To hum kya karein.. ??

Humne bhi to dinosaur

nahi dekhe..

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.

kabhi shikayat ki

kya ??Related

BRANDED WORLD: :v

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A rich girl was walking by the river side in jungle &

suddenly saw a Crocodile and a Cheetah..

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She screamed: :0

OH MY GOD.. LACOSTE and PUMA.!”Related

Ek aurat apne bachche ko liye ro rahi thi.


Ek vakil ne rone ki wajah puchi, toh us aurat ne kaha ki mera beta bimaar hai or dawa ke liye paise nahin hain.


vakil ne us aurat ko 1000 ka note dia aur kaha ki jao dawa le lo, Rs 100 ka doodh bhi le lena, baaki paise mujhe wapis de dena.


Aurat thodi der baad dawa aur dudh le aayi aur baaki Rs 650 vakil ko wapas kar diye.


vakil khush hua aur sochne laga ke Neki kabhi zaya nahi jati,

Doctor ko fees mil gayi, bachche ko dawa mil gai aur……

mera nakli note bhi chal gaya !!!Related

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said, “I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they’re selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear or clean, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing! They do not believe in discipline and push their way through the line.’


The Lord said, “Indians are Indians. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.”


Satan answered the phone, ‘Hello? Damn, hold on a minute.”


Satan returned to the phone, ‘OK I’m back. What can I do for you?”


Gabriel replied, “I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.”


Satan says, “Hold on again. I need to check on something.”


After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, ‘I’m back. Now what was the question?”


Gabriel said, “What kind of problems are you having down there?”


Satan says, “Man I don’t believe this .. Hold on.”


This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes.


He returned and said, “I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire, which is there to keep them uncomfortably hot!!


“Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone and IT connection between heaven and hell between ME and GOD. They have started a social network service for the troubled and believe in Karma and are good in convincing others. Some were trying to start a chai – pakora, Chole batura, channa, Dosa and samosa, barfi, Chakli and Dokla shop, which I had to stop.


“Many have no trouble living in dirt as they are so used to it down on earth. We have shortage of toilets to make them uncomfortable as this is Hell, but they have no problems in doing everything outside in open.


“They are excellent in corrupting everyone and my staffs are being bribed by them and I have difficulty in controlling the graft and corruption in Hell. They never complain as this place seems to be better from where they came. I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with them!! I am therefore requesting you OH LORD, PLEASE send them back to earth as soon as they arrive for re-birth”.


So this is why Indians are the only ones that are re-born !Related

Bill Gates: “I want a new phone.”


Steve Ballmer: “Okay, let’s buy a Nokia.”


Bill Gates: “No, let’s buy NOKIA.” ????


mummy mujhe bhi bill Gates banna hai :'( ????Related

Ek Truck Dusre Truck Ko Rassi Se Bandh Kar Le Ja Raha Tha



Ye Dekh Kar Santa Hans-Hans Ke Lot-Pot Ho Gaya Aur Bola.



Santa: “Ek Rassi Ko Le Jane K Liye 2-2 Truck“Related

COLUMBUS agar married hota to America kabhi discover nahi kar pata. Kyunki tab us se poocha jata:


1. Kahan jaa rahe ho?


3. Kyun Jaa rahe ho?


2. Kiske saath jaa rahe ho?


3. Main bhi chalungi.


4. Wapas kab aaoge?


5. Ghar reh kar hi discover karlo.


6. Mere liye kya laoge?


7. Wapas aate waqt sabji lete aana.


8. Pahunch ke phone karna.


9. Har baar tum hi kyon discover karte ho? Koi aur kyon nahi kar sakta?Related

Must Read ????



Dhoni: How Famous u r…??

Sir Jadeja : Whole world knows me.

Dhoni: Obama knows u..? Give proof.

Then, Sir & Dhoni went for Obama’s house.

Sir: stand here at the gate, i’ll take Obama in balcony nd show u.

Dhoni: ok.

Sir comes with Obama and waved Dhoni frm balcony.

Aftr sometime, Sir bahar aye

toh

dekha, Dhoni behosh pada tha,

hosh

me aane k baad Sir ne reason

ussay pucha..

Dhoni: Ek American aaya tha,

and

asked me, ‘WHO IS THAT MAN

WITH

‘Sir Jadeja’ IN BALCONY…?Related

Bus Accident

Man Crying: Mera hath kat gaya.

Bahut dard ho raha hai.

Santa: Abey chup baith.

Wo dekh uska gala kat gaya,

Fir bhi chup-chaap pada hai..!!Related

I found a Leaflet in newspaper this morning which read, ‘ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC? CALL NOW. WE CAN HELP!!!’

My wife insisted I make a call

I Called up. It Was A Liquor Shop Offer : ‘Buy 3 & Get 1 Free’…

Mere toh khushi ke aansu nikal aayeRelated

Navjot Sidhu: Alia Have you heard about Don Bradman

Alia: Sorry i am not interested in the Underworld

———————————–

Pooja Bhatt: Inni Saj Dhaj ke kyun Baithi ho

Alia: Koi anne waala hai

Pooja: Kaun???

Alia: Achhe Din

———————————–

Rahul Gandhi: I am reading Shakespeare to improve my GK

Alia: Achha!! Who wrote it????

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Bunty: Alia Modi Ji PM banne wale hain.

Alia: Sahi hai bunty, But AM kaun banega???

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Chetan Bhagat: Hey Alia, what is the opposite of IIT???

Alia: U U Coffee.

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When ALIA BHATT forgot her facebook password she tried searching it on GOOGLE.

———————————–

Alia to Police: Aap kahan jaa rahe ho.

Police: Lathi Charge Karne

Alia: Toh Charger toh lete jao.

———————————–

Alia calls Air India and asks how long will it take to travel from Mumbai to delhi.

Agent replies: “Just a Minute Ma’am”

Alia says Thank you and Hangs up.

———————————–

Do you see Formula 1??

Alia: No, I Hate Maths.

Alia can you tell what is 3×4???

Alia: it’s easy, answer is 12

And what is 4×3??

Alia: Very simple it’s 21.

Modi Ji ka first Name kya hai??

Alia: Abki Baar.

———————————–

Who was the first person to climb Mt. Everest?

Alia: Simple. The person who made it.Related

Macchar Marna Hai To “GOOD

KNIGHT” Se

Maro

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..

..

WARNA ALL-OUT To PAKISTAN BHI HO JATA HAI ???? ????Related

Banta is a teacher and exam ke liye Question Paper banaya…

Paper dekhte hi saare bachche behosh ho gaye… Questions were:


1. ‘China’ kis Desh me hai ?


2. ’15th August’ kis Date ko Aati hai ?


3. ‘Green’ colour kis rang ka Hota hai ?


4. ‘Tamatar’ ko Hindi may kya Bolte hai ?


5. ‘Mumtaz’ ki Qabar main Kon Dafan hai ?Related

He :- hiiiiii…. ????

she:- How are you? :-/

.

He:- I m fine,thank you. ????

.

She :- Maine puchha,how are

you? :-/

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He:- I replied na.. M fine. ????

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She :- ek to tum logo ka angrezi ka

problem bahut hai upar se aa gaye fb pe chat

karne… Maine puchha ‘How are you?? Matlab

tum kaun

ho? :-/

.

He :- Didi,bas apna chhota bhai samjho. :pRelated

Mummy kehti hai jab tu ghar par hota hai tab

phone chodta nahi.

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.

Or jab bahar hota hai to phone uthata kyu nahi ????Related

Ultimate Thought Of William Sexfear For All Beautiful Girls.

“Be With Someone Who Spoils Your Lipstick Not Your Eyeliner.”Related

Wife: Suno Na!


Husband: Listen, I am very tense. Office Mein Problems Chal Rahi Hai. Issi Liye Baat Karne Ka Bhi Mood Nahi Hai.


Sar Bhi Dard Se Phata Ja Raha Hai. Subah Se Maine Kuchh Bhi Nahi Khaya Hai.


Wife: Hmmm!!! Achha Wo Sab Faltu Bakwaas Chhodo, Yeh Dekho, Meri Nayi Sandals!Related

1 Handsome boy class mein aaya

aur

Sari girls dekhte hi deewani ho gai . ..

.

fir

Ladke ne aate hi kuch kaha To girls behosh…

.

Socho kya kaha hoga?

.

?

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Thodi Jagah Dena, Jhaadu Lagana Hai ???? ????

“HAYE RE BEROZGARI” :’DRelated

Unbeatable Baniya…



Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha mar gaya hai,

obituary ke kya

charges honge?

Newspaper: Rs.50 per word.

Baniya : Oh bahut zyaada hain, Achha likho “Chacha Guzar Gaye”

Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!

Baniya : Oh ho! Zara sochne do….. Achha likho……. ……… .

Chacha Guzar Gaye – Maruti for SaleRelated

Pappu ko Heart ki bimari thi….
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Doctor ne namak na khane ki
salah di…
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Pappu ki biwi hamesha pappu
khayal
rakhne lagi….
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rakhne
laga….
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Samay pe khana, sona, uthna,
dr. ki batai exercise
karna, .
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khane mein namak
bilkul na
lena,..
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regular aur samay pe dawayi
lena…
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Par achanak ek din subah wo
pappu
bathroom ke darwaje pe mara
hua
mila…
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Sab hairan the ki itni
sawdhani ke
baad aisa kaise ho gaya..??.
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Post martam ki report aayi to
pataa
chala….
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. Uske Toothpaste mein
‘Namak’ tha…
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Kya aapke toothpaste mein
namak hai.. ??Related

Pappu ne exam k liye Question Paper banaya..

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.

Paper dekhte hi saare bache behosh ho gye

.

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Ques.. the:

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.

1.China kis Desh me hai ??

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2. 15 Aug kis Date ko Aati hai.. ??

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3.Green Rang kis Color ka Hota hai.. ??

.

4.Tamatar ko Hindi me kya Bolte hai.. ??

.

5.Mumtaz ki Qabar me Kon Dafan hai.. ??Related

Boy: hey I’m Tiger shroff

.

Girl: just fck off!

.

Honey singh: arrey wah!

Ye to Mere naye song ke liye lyrics ban gaya!Related

SPECIALLY MESSAGE FOR GIRLS..!!

Instead of finding the right man,

concentrate on becoming a right

woman. ????Related

She – “can I ask you something ?”

Me –
*gets excited*
*thinks life is fair to me*
*breathes deeper*
“Yes ?”

She – “Mobile Karbonn luun ya Lava ka ?”Related

This “Aarohi” is an

economical Girlfriend

.

coz all she wants

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. .

“Kasme De, Waade De,

Mujhko Iraade De,

dil ko sahare De”

.

. .

there

is no demand of

. expensive Gifts .

????Related

1 Pinjre me kuch Totey 1 Toti ko ched rahe the…

Jabki dusre pinjre me 1 Tota puja aur dusra Tota Namaz pad raha tha,

Maalik ne socha “kitne nek Tote hai, inke pinjre me Toti ki ijjat safe rahegi.”

Usne Toti ko nek Toton k pinjre me daal dia.

Toti k aate hi puja karne wala Tota bola:

“Utho Khan Sahab dua Qubool ho gayi…Related

Aunty:” baatein toh badi acchi kar leta hai tu..

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Me:” bas aunty inhi bakchodiyon se aapki beti ko fasaya hua hai.. ???? ????Related

Minister- Accident Me marne Walo ko 5

0r

Zakmi ko 3Lakh Denge



Santa- Mera Baap Pehle Zakhmi Hua,Phir Mar Gaya,

Mere ko 8 Lakh doRelated

Girl= Janu So Jao Na Dekho Rat Ke 2 Baj Rahy Hain.,



B0y= Neend Nahi Aa Rahi.,



Girl= Jan Q Itna Sochty Ho Mere Bary Mein,

Itna Pyar Karty Ho Mujh Sey.

Main Tumhari Hi To Hoon.,



B0y=

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Oye chal ja apna kam kar Chudail …

Mujhe “PAPER” ki Tension Lagi padhi hai

or tujhe apni Ishaq kiRelated

ek gujrati bhagwan se kehta hai:-hey bhagwan tune ye kaisi zindagi di na paisa,na bachcha,na,na ghar aur ek maa hai woh bhi andhi.

to bhagwan uska dukh dekhke bole:-bachcha thik hai main tumhara ek wish puri kar sakta hoon maango kya maangna hai par yaad rahe ek wish.

to woh aadmi wish karta hai:-main chahata hoon ki mere bunglow me meri bachchon ko meri biwi diamond ke kade pehnate hue meri maa dekhe..smart gujju

dekha ek hi wish me kaise saare wish pure ho gayeRelated

*Maths ( Ganit ) Professor to Baccha while solving a Maths Sum*



Professor : Baccha Ye dekho..!!

Aise 8 ko hum 2 se divivde karte hai toh ans milta hai..!!

Samjha?



Baccha: Sir Roko board pe solve kiye huye us Sum ko us se pehle wo chala jaye..!! :O



Professor: Jayega kyu? :/



Baccha: Sir aapne hi bola na.. “Sum Ja” xD



Professor: Pakao mat..!! -_-

Accha 9 divided by 3 kitne huye?

Is Prashan ka Uttar do?



Baccha: Uttar hi kyu?

Mein Dakshin,Purab aur Paschim bhi dunga..!! xD



Professor: Wtf..!!

Kaise Pagal Log hai mere class mein..!! -_-



Baccha: Sir itni si Baat pe Log kyu apply kar rahe ho?



Professor: Toh Anti-Log istemaal karu? :/



Baccha: Aunty log istemaal karega?

Tharki Professor saale..!! xD



Professor: Shutup and Go Stand outside the class..!! :@



Baccha: I always knew i was an ‘OutStanding’ student..!! 8|



Professor: Hmmm..!! -_-

Saale ne acche khaase Integrated dimaag ko Differentiate kar diya..!! :@Related

Ladki: Main Kal Tum Se Milne Nahi

Aa

Sakti. . .

.

Ladka: Chalo Mai Tumhara

Gift Kisi Or Ko De Deta Hun

.

.

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.

.

Ladki: Mera Matlab Tha Kal Nahi Aa

Sakti

Abi Kaha Ho Tum ? , me aa rhi hu ????Related

Golu – Ae Papya,Tere Hath Pair Q Kaap Rahe Hai , Aaj Tu Itna Ghabraya Huva Kyu Hai



Pappu – Thoda Confusion Ho Gaya Yaar ????



Golu – Kya Confusion Huva ?? o.O



Pappu – Arey Me Jungle Me Tatti Kar Raha Tha,To Muje Ped (tree) Ke Piche Kuch Dikha,Muje Laga Saap (snake) Hai :o,Par Vo Ped Ki Lakdi Nikali :/



Golu – Sale Fattu Isme Itna Ghabrane Ki Kya Baat Hai :v



Pappu – Lekin Fir Jab Meine Us Saap Ko Marne Ke Liye Jo Lakdi Udhayi Vo Asli Saap Nikala :3 :3



???? ????Related

‘Hero ko muu se khoon nikla. Ab

villain gaya

kaam se’ – One of beliefs I had as a

child. ????Related

1) “Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aayi, BCCI Se Ab Kya Kehna”…

– Yuvraj To Dhoni

2) “Dil Aisa Kisi Ne Mera Toda, Carrier Ke Annt (End) Ki Taraf Mooda”…

– Sehwag, Gambhir

3) “Bhoola Dena Mujhe, Hai Alvida Tumhe, Tumhe Khelna Hai, Mere Bina”…

– Sachin, sir

4) “Chanda Ne Pucha Taaron Se, Taaron Ne Pucha Hazaaro Se… Sabse Pyaara Kaun Hai….. Papa, Mere Papa…

– Stuart Binny

5) “Khaali Haat Aaye The Ham, Khaali Haath Jaayenge”…

– Raina (Duck Specialist)

6) “Kya Karu Ooo Ladies, Ooo Ladies, Mai Hun Aadat Se Majboor”…

– Virat Kohli (Mr. Flying Kisser)

7) “Ham Toh Hai Aandhi, Ham Toh Hai Toofan, Dadagiri Kisi Ki Chalegi Nahi Yahan”

– Dhoni (Like A Boss)

8) “Run Barse, Dhule Team India, Ho Run Barse”…

– Umesh Yadav, Ishant Sharma (Run Machine For Opponents)


*But Finally One Thing Is Common In Everyone’s List*

~ Hum kehat rahi na E-Sasura Is Baar Ka World Cup India se Naa Ho Paayega…!! ????Related
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