#Programmer Jokes Hashtag:


Cognizant Method:
hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit however give them the same amount gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS Method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM’s method:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
he dies of unemployment…

Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat …
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

i-Flex Method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flex cube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:
hire a lion .

Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry….purchase a lion..
change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Capgemini Method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
the lion dies before joining….

WIPRO METHOD:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!!

HUAWEI Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
No time for food and family, automatically die

L & T METHOD:
Hire a lion….
Take his CAMS assignment 2 times a year followed by Performance appraisals.
Ask him for lots of My Leanings on line …
Send him to Chennai/HYD/BLG;but yes don’t give him/her his/her home town.
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time or Give him/her projects .
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls Only Attitude of HR girls. And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
Lion dies in confusion if he is aTiger or lion……
THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

INFOSYS Method:
HIRE A LION…..
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE KING OF THE JUNGLE!
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPERE EXAM
LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HE LEARNED IN TRAINING
MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE…

This is how IT engineers die in IndiaRelated

A software engineer was smoking.

Girl: Didnt you see the warning? Smoking is injurious to health.

Er.: We bother only about errors & not warnings.Related

Height of Testing:


>>Introduction:
—————
*Sanket (QA Tester)

*Mukesh Thakur (Developer)


>>Conversation
—————
Sanket: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in username text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn’t appear.


Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.


>>After 2 days,
—————

Mukesh Thakur : Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.


>>After another 2 days,
———————–

Sanket : I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.


>>After another 2 days,
———————–

Mukesh Thakur : Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has Old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry’s machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.


>>Another 2 days,
—————–

Sanket : I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is Different across different machines. Sound is coming as ‘BEEP’ in my machine, but My colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as ‘TONG’.


Mukesh Thakur : Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The Two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do You expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform? Please close it.


>>Another 2 days,
—————–

Sanket : I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep Sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces Beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend’s machine produces Sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines.


>>Another 2 days later,
———————–

Mukesh Thakur : Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the Volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both The machines before I get mad and then close the bug.


>>Another 2 days,
—————–

Sanket : I have re-opened the bug.


Mukesh Thakur : What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?


Sanket: Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.


>>After 2 days,
—————

Mukesh Thakur : I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.


>>After 1 year,
—————

Sanket : I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested The clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same Acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.


Mukesh Thakur : GROWLLLL…..I am really mad now. I am sure that the Sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.


Sanket : No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.


Mukesh Thakur: ??



>>>>Result,
———–

Mukesh Thakur attempted suicide & is now in mental asylum while Sanket has become QA Manager.Related
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